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fruitjoos · 10 days ago

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like father, like son - patrick zweig

patrick having the same strained relationship with his son that he had with his own father was not on the bucket list. he tried to do the whole family man thing, but after a rough yet necessary divorce he threw himself into his work putting a lot of the more important stuff on the back burner. his efforts of trying so hard not to be his father ultimately lead him down the same road.

you stood outside the door of your sons room toying with the knob before twisting it open.

river, your son, sat on his bed looking like a spitting image of his father at that age. it gave you whiplash at times. “hey.” the new presence in his room caused him to pull a headphone out his ear. “just wanted to give you a heads up that dads coming to your game, and wants to take you out after.”

“why.”

it was blunt and uninterested.

“because it’s your last game of the season, he wanted to be there.” there was an eye roll before an answer. “it’s not like he’s cared before.” he muttered. as much as he liked to pretend you could see that patrick’s absence had an effect on river. you saw it in the fights he picked at school.

the last thing you wanted to do was make excuses for patrick.

“he does care he’s just-” “busy.” the teen interrupted you, moving off of the bed. “yeah, he’s always fucking busy.” before you could scold him for his language he was on his way out the door. “rides here. i’ll see you at the game.”

“can’t believe my son plays fucking baseball.”patrick’s seated on the uncomfortable metal bench next to art, who’s seated next to tashi.

when your whole world was about tennis, when it seemed to the most important thing in his father’s life. pushed onto you since birth, you get desperate for separation. so the tennis poster up in river’s room get replaced with baseball stars. tennis shoes and rackets were traded for cleats, bats, helmets and gloves. six years of hard work and he was his teams best pitcher.

“well, he’s good at it. got a crazy strong arm.” art defended.

“oh, you actually came.” your voice pulled patrick’s attention away from art and on to you. “said i would.” he answered. you placed yourself far away from him, next to tashi.

the thick tension was cut through when your sons team took the field, and the stands erupted with claps.

river stood in the middle of the field, scanning the crowd like he always does. he’s eyes stopping on yours, art’s, and tashi’s figures throwing a small wave at the three of you, then his eyes caught sight of patrick. standing there in his navy blue half zip polo, and jeans. his hand fell but he kept the eye contact, only breaking it when the other teams batter stepped up to the plate.

river’s team won. coming as no surprise to anyone.

“you did so good, bud.”

“you’re best game of the season.”

“you were great.”

the pitcher accepted all the complements with a bashful smile.

you pulled your son off to the side messing with his sweated out helmet hair so you had something to do with your hands. “are you sure you wanna go? tell me now and you can go get pizza with your friends.” you were trying to give the boy an out. river looked back behind himself at his dad. “it’s fine. i’ll go.”

patrick, having felt the eyes of his son on him looked over, scratched his neck and straightened his posture. “you ready to go kid?”

no. is what river wanted to say, but instead he turned to look back at you.

“have fun you…?” you offered.

with a sigh full of teen angst. river picked up his bag slinging it over his shoulder, and made his way towards patrick’s car. walking right past him.

“have him home before dinner, please.” you called. patrick threw you a thumbs up and slid into the front seat of his car.

the car ride to their unknown destination was painfully quiet. the radio played low pop songs, and the nervous tapping of patrick’s fingers on the steering wheel echoed.

“so.” patrick spoke first. “you- you played amazing. got a crazy strong arm.” he inwardly cringe, stealing art’s previous words. river had to hold back the scoff bubbling in his throat. “thanks.” the car ride continued on his silence.

the pinched expression on the younger man’s face soften when the car parked in the parking lot of an ice cream shop that was present in memories that now seemed so far away.

the interior of the ice cream shop was exactly how river remember it. the tables all sat in the same place along the windows and the menu hadn’t changed. for a second he wasn’t sixteen coming from a baseball game, but six coming from a tennis meet he just totally bombed and his dad was spoiling his dinner with sweets to cheer him up.

“i ordered for you, hope you still mint chocolate chip.” the medium cup with three scoops of teal green and black speckles came into his view bringing him out of his thoughts.

the two of them sat across from each other like uncomfortable mirrors.

patrick gulped down spoonfuls of his rocky rode watching as river picked through his treat, taking small bites every now and then. “you always had the weirdest taste buds.” he tried to lighten the mood. “constantly had the kitchen a mess trying to make whatever concoction you dreamt up.”

that got a smile to crack.

“well, when you have a weird ass name you tend to do weird ass things.” patrick didn’t flinch at the curse word, just frowned a bit. his son always having been insecure about his name. “river is not a weird name.” he mumbled. river huffed a laugh.

then it got quite again. only the sounds of the worker behind them cleaning the counter was present.

god, patrick was so fucking bad at this. he’s smooth talked his way through every conversation he’s ever had without a thought about it, but he could barley say more than three sentences to his own son. what did that say about him?

“how’s, um, how’s school been?”

river wanted to laugh in his dad’s face. how’s school been, really? “it’s been good. was second in a good chunk of my classes.” patrick nodded. “you get that from your mom, the brain. i wasn’t big on school.” he shares “what else have you been up to-”

“dad, stop.” river cut him off. “what are we doing, why are we here? the awkward phone calls and dry text messages were doing just fine. what is this?” the baseball player wasn’t interested in playing pretend anymore.

patrick froze before clearing his throat. “i went to bury my dad this weekend.” he revealed. “and i realized, seeing him there on that hospital bed then in his coffin that i didn’t know the man well enough to cry. my own father.” he took a deep breath. “ i really don’t want us be like that river.” he sound as if he were gonna cry. patrick reached his hand over to rest it on rivers cheek, but he jerked away and stood abundantly exiting the ice cream shop.

patrick quickly threw out the bowls, before rushing after him.

“river!”

“no, fuck you!” river yelled, stopping in front of the car tuning to face patrick. “it took you seeing you dad dying to realize that you had son you’ve been neglecting for the past six years?” patrick winched. “you know, all you had to do was show up. i looked for you in the crowd of every one of my games. even when i knew you weren’t coming.” he wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t make it any less harder for patrick to hear. river let out a sigh, throwing his head back trying to stop the tears. “sometimes when i played really shitty all i wanted was for you to be there, but tennis and work were always so much more important than me.”

he couldn’t stop the liquid in his eyes from falling or the sound of pain echoing through his words.

patrick cautiously stepped closer to the boy with outstretched arms. “riv…” river pushed his hands away with a force that felt good. so good he pushed him again, both hands pressed against the older man’s chest. he pushed and pushed, every hit saying what he couldn’t put into words. he pushed and hit until his arms got weak and his energy drained. patrick took the advantage to wrap his arms around his son who was nearly as tall as him.

“god, i’m sorry river. i know it doesn’t fix anything, but i’m fucking sorry. i’m a shit person, always have been. was shitty boyfriend then a shitty husband, and i knew i’d be a shitty dad.” patrick held river’s head up with two hands on his cheeks. watery green eyes so similar to his looked up at him. “i was so scared when they said you were a boy, all the ways i could fuck you up flashed through my head.” patrick squeezed his eyes shut stopping the tears in his eyes.“guess i did just that anyway, huh.”

river sniffled, yet still said nothing.

“listen, i know i’m a little late, but i wanna start over. i can’t make up for the lost time, but i stop anymore from happening. i don’t want you ending up like me.” and i don’t want to end up even more like my father.

“how do i know you want let me down again.” river whispered. he wanted his dad in his life, of course he did, but he also couldn’t trust him blind.

patrick sighed and shrugged. “i don’t know, buddy. by trusting me? i know i don’t deserve it, but i promise. i’ll be there.” he held out his pinky finger waiting another one to hook around his.

instead patrick suddenly felt arms around his middle, and a tight squeeze.

“okay.” river spoke.

“okay.” patrick answered.

the car ride back home was still quiet like before, but now comfortable.

“can you not mention to mom that i cried.” river said, once the car stopped outside his childhood home. patrick nodded. “no problem, kid.” before river could fully exit the car patrick stopped him. “hey. uh, saturday i’m free if you want to hang out.” he offered. river paused a moment. “yeah, sure why not. i’ll see you saturday. bye, dad.” he got his bag from the backseat and ran towards the front door.

patrick watched from the driver seat of his car as you embraced river, ruffling his hair and sending him into the house. he was about to drive off but stopped when he saw you approaching.

“i see you two made it back in one piece.”

“yep.” patrick hummed.

“thanks for this, patrick. seriously.” patrick nodded in response. an unspoken understanding hanging between you two.

you gave your ex husband a small smile and wave. “bye, pat.”

you watched patrick back out and drive off.

#happy father’s day?

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