fuckyeahsimstuck - Tumblr blog

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

FuckYeahSimstuck: DO SOMETHING! Homestuck is over! This blog has been dead for 9 months! Are you even still alive?

Yes, I am still alive, thank you very much. I’ve just been extremely busy is all.

...

Okay maybe I haven’t been that busy. 

Fine, lets just be someone else.

Who will you be?

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

Sollux: Follow Aradia’s advice

On any other occasion you probably wouldn’t, as Aradia’s advice often ends up with one or both of you doing something of questionable legality, but this time she has a point.

MITUNA: H3Y 20LLUX WHY D0 Y0U 2M3LL L1K3 2H1T?

SOLLUX: dont even a2k.

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

Sollux: Confess Your Sins

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: AA ii ju2t jumped iinto the dump2ter behiind the arcade and now ii 2mell liike 2hiit.

AA: sollux why would you do that?

TA: becau2e iive lo2t control of my liife.

TA: completely unrelated que2tiion, do you want a free lamp?

AA: did you find the lamp in the dumpster?

TA: and a table.

AA: who throws away an entire table in a dumpster?

TA: people who throw theiir furniiture out behiind the arcade ii gue22.

TA: the2e are 2trange tiime2 we liive iin AA.

TA: 2trange tiimes iindeed.

TA: 2o about that lamp?

AA: go home and shower sollux

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

====> Go to the nearest dumpster.

The dumpster calls to you, almost as though you belong there. You throw yourself in headfirst with reckless abandon. You are the trash. It is you.

You now smell like shit. But you did find a lamp and an entire table in there.

Now what will you do?

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

I can see several problems with this.

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

DOUCHEBAG: INTRODUCE YOURSELF

Your name is SOLLUX CAPTOR. Your traits are NEUROTIC, COUCH POTATO, BROODING, GENIUS, and COMPUTER WHIZ. Your life’s ambition is to become a FORENSIC SPECIALIST: DYNAMIC DNA PROFILER. You are currently walking somewhere, for no other reason than you can.

Where will you go?

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

As night falls and you recover from that disaster of a conversation, you decide to be someone else for a little bit.

OH GOD NO NOT HIM ANYONE BUT HIM PICK SOMEONE ELSE QUICK QUICK!!!!!!

Oh thank Christ.

Who’s this douchebag?

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

This is... weirdly appropriate.

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

KANKRI: Hell9 there. As y9u are in this establishment as well, I’m sure y9u are just as c9ncerned ab9ut the needs 9f the s9cially challenged as I a-

HELLA JEFF: 

Well that went about as well as expected.

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

KANKRI: QUIT TALKING TO PEOPLE ONLINE LIKE A LOSER! SOCIALIZE!

‘Excuse y9u,’ you say to your very rude inner dialogue. ‘Talking t9 pe9ple 9nline is the 9nly means of c9mmunicati9n for the s9cially challenged, and I urge y9u t9 check y9ur privilage 6ef9re sh9uting such 9ffensive statements in my head.’

But, you suppose it has a point. What better way to educate others on important topics than directly? With that in mind, you decide to engage the shop’s only other patron who isn't your dad in conversation

This ought to be good.

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

KANKRI: INTRODUCE YOURSELF

Your name is KANKRI VANTAS. Your traits are UNFLIRTY, WORKAHOLIC, NO SENSE OF HUMOR, SOCIAL BUTTERFLY, and PERFECTIONIST. Your life’s ambition is to be a PERFECT STUDENT. You are currently engaged in very important business along with your FATHER. (Actually, you’re both at the comic book store mooching the free wifi, but shhhh, no one needs to know about that.) 

What will you do?

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

Well, there’s only one thing to do now. Drink heavily!

...

Maybe you should be someone else for a while.

You are now KANKRI VANTAS.

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

Break out into song and dance in the middle of the park in hopes of attracting a semi-attractive female.

That is the single most stupid idea you have ever had in your miserable excuse for a lifespan. Why would you ever do that? Why would you ever think that?STUPID STUPID STUPID.

And yet, the allure of the stage…

It beckons.

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

KARKAT: CHOW DOWN

This is the most disgusting thing you have ever done.

But you win, so at least you can stave off the humiliation with some well-earned pride. It probably won’t help your inevitable indigestion though.

Now that you’ve kicked this guy’s butt, you decide to chat with him a bit. After all, you did come here to meet people. 

It does not go well.

You decide to back off before the stabby feeling you got earlier becomes a stabby reality. Now what will you do?

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

KARKAT: MEET SOME CHUMPS

The park is probably a good place to start. The SUMMER FESTIVAL is taking place here. There has to be someone here that’s vaguely socialization-worthy.

Before you can even scope out the chumps du jour, you get pulled into a hot dog eating contest against this guy. You get a sort of stabby feeling off of him that makes you want to take a few steps back. 

KARKAT: CHOW DOWN ==>

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

Call your friends over and commence an epic house party that will be remembered in the genetic memory of your people for years to come.

What an excellent idea! There’s just one thing standing in the way of you doing this though…

You don’t have any fucking friends. Or acquaintances. Or even enemies. The only people you know in this town are related to you. Well, no one ever got anywhere in life by sitting around staring at their menu screen. Time to go out and meet some chumps.

KARKAT: MEET SOME CHUMPS ==>

[fuckyeahsimstuck]

KARKAT: INTRODUCE YOURSELF

Your name is KARKAT VANTAS. Your traits are OVER-EMOTIONAL, PERFECTIONIST, HOPELESS ROMANTIC, GRUMPY, and AMBITIOUS. Your life’s ambition is to become LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD. You live in a SHITTY MOBILE HIVE with your brother KANKRI and your dad. Ancestor? Dadcestor?? The logistics of your genetics are too complicated to think about for too long. Speaking of genetics, the rest of your family is out doing WHATEVER LOUD TALKY BULLSHIT IT IS THAT THEY DO, so you have the house to yourself. What will you do?