fugazitn

[fugazitn]

Unskilled Labor

To be teased with an easy path to greatness. I should have never expected anything more for me. The exit closed when I didn't ask more about the job. I doubt I will ever get another chance like that again. The way I live my life it always thrives with uncompromising work ethic, meticuolus planning, a peerless showing, and a tiny bit of luck. This would always be my path forward. I did not get the job which would have made everything such a walk in the park. So now I must get to work. I won't make mention of enjoyment or escapism while I take this path because I am tired and in truth I won't succeed if I do. This leather jacket will be a constant reminder of what is to come years down the line. It will fulfill its true purpose only after I have. I also found a gray hair in my beard. My time is running out.

[fugazitn]

#4

I come on here to RAMBLE and its usually all top of the dome but I had some thoughts I wanted regurgitate for all you lovely people out on the nosebleeds. Intentionality, design, outcome, and purpose. I would say these words are going to be the themes of the day. I will start the process by going in reverse an ask myself, do I have a purpose? Yes and No. I don't think God sent me here to be their most noblest cashier or their least chivilarious plumber. I never liked stories where the main characters were predestined greatness. It's kinda lame and boring to view the world in that way. Their path may have been harder but their aren't really any stakes because it is a prophecy which means it's like hard written into the world. (New Story idea: write a story with a prophecy that fails to come true and the matters get solved without it or multiple prophecies occuring and they have to cannibalize each other's Canon for the main character slot) When you peel away the aura a main character with that destined to win has, I feel as if you see their weren't many actualy players in the "game" or the main story anyways which isn't for me anymore. So the yes part of my answer isn't really a yes because I think you have to discern what you want your purpose will be while living life. At the end of life (I hear) you can look back over the years and see where you made a difference and then you may be able to infer what you were all about but you can't do that to same extent while you're still in the rat race optimizing your grindset. You just don't have enough data or experience to judge what business you stood on. You can be 30 and lived a normal enough life and had a wife and kids but if at 45 you became a CEO and then you started madating children juggle knives for you entertainment I personally would call them an eccentric. I think the scale changes depending on your actions. A normal life with good friends and memories is a fantastic one in my eyes but that leads me to my next idea. Do we really have to do anything in our lives? I think I don't think so. I think this thought may be connected to the destiny concept so I believe I need to say no to stay harmonious but I really do want to do something with this single life of mine. I do somehow want to leave the world a better place than what I found it. My idea is that is if I do that than eventually things would have to be pretty great in the world if maybe I can inspire others to also hold the mantle. I think if I was going to be a prodigenous revolutionary that radicalize the masses into breaking our collective silence about the atrocities being commited constantly than I would have at least a little buzz currently but bittersweetly, I do not. I will still do what I can, the best I can, because I can. This leads us to the next icebreaker, Creation vs consumption. It's kinda weird. It is looked upon more postively to read a book than to watch a movie of the same book. I think because the level of skill/dedication (attention span/ability to read) but there are skill checks in watching a movie as well but I think people don't consider that but products somewhat change depending on what people think about them. Everyone loves The Shining that was directed by Kubrick but the Stephen King didn't like it at all and made another movie most viewers would call worse to stay true to his vision but now we have a choice to make. Which is correct? The answer will change depending on what you value. What you value can be influenced by your environment despite having free will. No matter what your intentions you can be coerced. I think creation can much more easily give you monetary benefits (how do I get money from binging netflix?). Some instances it may aid you to consume to be able to create a more polished product. I don't know about you but if I had a choice between getting a table from me now vs getting a table after I read book about woodworking (it was written by AI but we don't know this rn) I think the 2nd would have to be better, right? I will try to talk about ads next!

[fugazitn]

#3 p2

I felt myself mirrored within my friends who also attempted greatness. I thought of myself of someone that never took the challenge head on until sf6. If not now then when. If not when I was already top 10 in my city on launch day then when? A ghost appeared basically saying if you won't decide to put it all on the line when you have so much going for you then you'd be a coward your whole life. Clearly no one said these things to me. Only me. I can't tell currently if I sometimes do these things for me or the idea of myself. If I was a bit more crazy then I could think highly of myself without any accomplishments under my belt. Thinking of myself as an average person with barely any pull the grander scheme of things was never a thing that crossed mind. I wasn't raised that way. I need feats to back my puffed chest. I need to puffed chest not to even accomplished greater feats but to feel like im myself. The arena I put myself in is daunting but like with the tournament arc. I can't run away. I can't fail the test. Any stumble on this path causes extreme feedback which sickens me for only less than a day, then without a doubt I'll rise back and match forth on again. This is my most poorly written blog but I think there is a beauty in that. Not everything is polished. There is a healthier more mature timeline where I never won a tournament because I rationally decided that it doesn't define me and I play games not to prove my worth but because they are purely enjoyable just like it was in the beginning of my journey. I played games purely because I thought the combos were cool and I liked being the person to do them. The version of me isn't dead but polluted. If i'm so great then why did I need a tournament win in the first place? I was right. I could win. Jesters say many truthful things about the crown with a tongue in cheek to keep their head connected to their neck. I was never a comedian, I suppose that's the answer. And I did win so fuck that other version of me, he could never. 2/2

[fugazitn]

#3

I find it somewhat relaxing to be able to write long form into the ether. I think I initially liked that twitter mostly had texts causing the greatest stir in comparison to photos or videos which also did well on the app but my perception was that wit was enough to get eyes on your work but I still don't have the answer to that, I feel that AI bots, obvious rage inducing posts, and bad faith arguments are truly a poison to the body, soul, and mind. I could write in a journal which I have done for a number of years but I can't think of a reason to not put it out on this site instead. I have had 2 main thoughts that have been battling inside my head since I have been ill. Working on a short story that I feel could be compelling and the disasterous effects that winng a tournament has had on me. So I have been pondering the subtext of a story and was wondering the proper way to grow one. have an idea that I'm not sure I should put somewhere public becasue its the first time I've thought like this. It is a very basic premise but it is contorted in a way that I think should haunt the reader. I continually think of stories that have had profound effects on me. The grandiose feeling of having my life scralled out in pages by someone that has never known me connects me to the rest of humanity. I actually wasn't alone when I was at my lowest. I need that. I will be reading more to build up that phantom communal reinforcement to keep myself strong enough to hold many burdens whilfe facing the world. I will write an outline about it elsewhere because I'd hate to spoil you all of the bliss my work would provide because I would write it knowing the beginning and the ending to ensure the quality of the message. Which hopefully foreshadows my point in the next part. I won but for what? I won proving to myself that I was right that I could overcome the order of being the strongest player at the venue for a night. I won so every tilted night of frustation, every god awful interaction against better chacracters, every night I scrapped my entire gameplan and rebuild it with a new objective in mind had new value, a estimate that it was all worth it because I had accomplished what I had set out to do. I'm happy I did it. I'm proud that I wasn't a liar or a fraud which to say I put myself in the arena where I wanted to proclaim loudly and proudly: This is my game, I play it to become the victor and you are not stronger than I. No one can take this from me no matter what the circumstances. I can lose every game ever from this point on but you can't take away my triumph. I somewhat loss the abilty to enjoy fighting games casually it feels and that doesn't even mean that I need to play to win another tournament. I was called to win in sf6 with my favoriter character, It was a high among highs to someone like me. I had to do it with her or else I would've always wanted to. I was a contadiction in a way where I didn't want to work harder than others because as a competitor why would you stack the deck against yourself but then I couldn't back out with a character I loved. This is one of my many frictions that held me back. Any inconsistency in the headwinds can drag you further back than a focused but flawed mind. I can see all my opponent personalities in their playstyles but I saw that many tournaments ago which I think is why many may say that I have excellent reading potential for my foes. My mind is very free and I open to you beinf your worst because not many will fight me in my strong suit. While I have mamy thoughts I could puke onto this I must admit i'm losing the plot. Which is to say, if I lost would it have been for nothing? That's what it felt like not winning. Which has to be the most dangerous focal point to gave while competiting. There is definite meaning in sharpening your craft but to be chained to it in such a way made me resent it but I couldn't run from it all the same. A coward is one who never tries but I think the same could be for me who all I did was try. 1/2

[fugazitn]

Shadow the Hedgehog

Hello all, I will say that I will stop cursing god cuz he/she/they fucking won. I've woken up the last 3 days with a 101 fever which is really bad for me specifically cuz my normal resting temp is 97 degrees (im cold blooded). So it is scary that you can be fine one day and then fighting for your life the next. I suppose since I never croaked I should be thankful for the chance to survive. I will not be, no fucking way I needed to wake up on Monday and be struggling to eat applesauce or even drink water. Meanwhile in my minds eye im like if i move faster than a centimeter a second im guaranteed to pass out and if i eat the wrong thing I knew it was coming back up. This is some terrible design, I plan on voting, I only want like 2 people to die (for good and valid reasons) and i never say bullshit like well my mother is gay or nothing I just take the bullet for when I fuck up in life so I expect boosted immune system or some shit when this is all over. Would I type up all of this just cuz im probably too sick to stream and want to talk to you all and think that I likely don't have the stamina to go back and forth within the discord? ..Yes but also I was already becoming slightly ill day by day and then I got a covid shot and a flu shot on saturday and to be Tian, that was the beginning of the end. I get it now. Naw I was mad illogical my whole sick episode. I was taking the style out of my hair because I just was having mad headaches due to the shit being mad heavy but I kept getting flashes of sakura cutting her hair with the Kunai. Being sick is some devilish work I tell ya. They even tried to put sakura against me like this gotta be what was happening in the old testament which had niggas tweaking trying to kill their own sons and was zapping bellies and making the pregnant. To experience some bullshit and to gain sympathy for those from a bygone era means that I am human. The really really really really funny part about all of this is that i finished my stream of shadow generations on sat and I didn't feel at 100% but i was at a cool 70% and like everyday after that I start at 25% and then slowly get to 60% by the end of the day. Shadow was created to help find a way to cure Maria how di he chaos control my sickness?? There's probably something deeper within this that can suggest being delulu is the solulu perhaps is a thing to look into. Ever since then i've been too sick to even ignore it therefore its impossible for me to get the delusional buffs. Dude like as I tried to work today, (I only was able to do a half day cuz naw), my body just decided to sweat like every 5 mins on a timer and it was so weird cuz it wasn't hot and it actively made my situation worse. I could feel the stamina leaving my body. The just Lock In Mantra was being combatted by involuntary actions coincided with imagery of crumbling self control. I have faith in my body when healthy but I am human like the rest of you. A faith easily tainted, a nightmare unharmoniously awoken from. I say all of this to say is that shadow is the most raw character ever to exist and if you get vaccines while sick it is extremely likely you will become and antivaxxer because I didn't think we made suffering like that no more to be completely honest. There's so many halloween things going on but im sick and I don't wanna spread it. I can't even take my cans up front I should probably be thinking about other things huh?

[fugazitn]

Trip Outline

Of course I swore that my very first post would be a scathing review of life and air out all my greivances and cross examine what it means to exist as I am but currently I just got back from vacation and my Overtime indefinite limbo has come to a close so simply do not have the necessary frustrations overfill to give suha piece justice but i will return once that bubbles over as it tends to.

I will be quickly jotting down the a brief outline of events and then go into detail on stream tomorrow.

-Event Prep

-Yari meeting

-5 hour drive

-Kusorax meeting + Acen arrival

-Implied Parking Lot Paradox + payment

-Free Roaming (Powerstone+ FUC+ Down Bad man with Rizz sign) + SF6 competing

-Vendors Room + Haul Showcase + CR bargaining

-Bargaining with the Yari into all night Rager

End of Acen Arc

Chronologically I don't know where the "train" bit goes but im putting it here.

Start of Aimless Arc -Driving to airport to pick up chunz and burning time (hipster heaven + weather concerns)

-Meeting Chunz

-Serbian food

-Return of Rax (Police car convention)

-AKUMA Release (neglecting my training)

-2teas chai tea

-time marker of my IRL park stream

-Mall + Round1 (Zumiez and Hot Topic and skating and massive park)

-Portillos (asking for help, Cat talk, Beef Bus, hat, Jewelry)

-Redacted

-MiniGolf + Mitsuwa (Coffee and badges and socks and pen and manga)

Aimless Arc Ends

Combobreaker Arc starts

-Thursday get badges (Gief is buffed ridiculously)

Intro of Continental Breakfast

-Friday at 4 I play (Lab vs Gief) (i watched my friends play nonstop but Chunz and I played at the same time)

-Sat (Korean Chicken+ Soju)

-Met locals+ Name conundrums (Back +Applebees)

-Sun SF6 Finals +TFH+Culvers

-Combobreaker Haul

-Hotel Bracket+Noah

-Mon Dissapearance of Continental breakfast

-2 Waffle Places (wildberry)

-returning Home

Yeah i know this is long but this is the general feel of it all