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Infinite monkey theorem but instead of typing on typewriters the monkeys are playing No Mans Sky and instead of writing War and Peace they need to find a planet made entirely of dicks

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For the record, this is 100% satire

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(via fuiru)

I posted this picture on March 22, 2009, and it got zero likes and reblogs, which says a lot about Tumblr during the earliest months of the Obama presidency.

It probably says a lot more about my follower count in the earliest months of the Obama presidency, but you say 'Potayto' and I say 'Crisps'

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About to see Stray Kids!!!!!!!

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The post I wrote last year about going to my first K-pop concert as a 44 year old man is still doing numbers, crazily, which is cool because I’m seeing Stray Kids tomorrow night and I’m fucking pumped.

Get ready for the sequel, morherfuckers…

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In my old dentist office they’d give you the cup of mouth rinse at the beginning of the appointment and tell me to spit it out in the sink. Since I moved at my new dentist they tell me to spit the mouth rinse back into the tiny cup. It’s unreasonable, I’ve somehow increased the difficulty level of my dentist. I can’t change dentists now in case I go up to Nightmare Mode and risk permatoothdeath if I forget to floss

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Sometimes I like to stand thoughtfully in front of the frozen animal carcasses at the business Costco in the hope that the other shoppers think that I’m a qualified butcher of meats, like as an escape from my real life of spreadsheets and emails. Maybe they’ll see me contemplating a goat and in their minds eye I’m someone who is adept with a knife. Just a little treat for myself I guess.

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Two Women Teaching a Child to walk by Rembrandt.

Circa 1640, sketch

British Museum, London

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Reblogging to show off the love spoon we were given by a family member as a wedding gift. As a Brit who grew up very close to Wales, now living in Canada, I thought the maple leaf love spoon was incredibly thoughtful.

Oh how I yearn for a simpler time, when a young man would simply give his paramour an intricately crafted wooden spoon to show his affection and ability to provide for their future family, especially if they ever ran out of spoons

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“Unfortunately, he’s in hell now. It was a spectacular accident—blood and fire everywhere—but that’s the risk of going to space. Don’t worry, I’m sure he felt a lot of pain.” At press time, sources reported the sniffling Trump boys were wondering who was going to teach them the N-word now.

Full Story

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is this blog stupid? yes. but which one of us is following it?

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Love it when I discover a new band and absent-mindedly search for them on Tumblr to see what gifsets and stuff the kids are tumbleblogging about them and it turns out the singer has an active Tumblr. Top quality.

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Gone Fishing

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Superb content from The Penis Man, there