full-of-rage-and-adoration

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

that softness is fucking devastating btw, speaking from experience

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

no more bare minimum, I want the moon & the stars. maybe even a planet at this point.

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

I think I'm beginning to know the art of romanticizing life again.

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

you can go back to the past but nobody’s there

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

Guys, I take it back

It's times like this where I miss summer. Where the chill gets in my bones where I miss the heat dead grass, and fireflies. I don't want to see my breath when I can get burned by the leather of car seats. Fuck December, I want heat lightning and tornado warnings.

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

"you have depression" so close!! i ACTUALLY have emotional motion sickness (somebody roll the windows down). and there are no words in the english language i could scream to drown you out.

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

i told the moon to look after you

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

Didn't even know it would take so much just for anyone to choose me.

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

Leave no trace. I'm sorry I left burning embers of my fingerprints on your life. When you hear that song, do you think of me? Do you hum a long and wish it was my voice? I should have stomped down with worn boots and made them go out. Made you forget me.

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

I can't stand him. I love him so much I actually can't look at him. It effects me physically like I have to kill him with hammers immediately. I have a smash a barrel . over his head

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

Small churches on every corner, general stores, trailer parks, Spanish moss, memories of strong, calloused hands holding me as a child.

"Going up for a funeral."

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

death is a weird thing.

it almost doesn’t even feel real. how can someone exist one day, and then be gone the next? how are you supposed to be prepared for the phone call saying “they’re gone”, even when you already knew time was numbered anyway?

the strangest part is that even when death has impacted you, the world just keeps spinning as if it hasn’t.

im so sorry to anyone who’s lost someone close to them. i fully hear you now, even when i thought i did before.

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

Warning: This is a vent post.

So my my grandad died this morning, and this is my first grandparent to die. It was pretty unexpected and sudden, heart attack. But I haven't wrapped my head around it. Like, what do you mean he's gone? You mean the man who let me sit in his big leather chair? The man who would put me to bed in his t shirts that can down to my ankles? The man who took me fishing? What do you mean my papa is gone? You're gonna tell me that his seat at that table is empty? That he won't drive those trucks anymore? That he won't sing along to Johney Cash on the radio? That I won't hear the words Bekah boo in his voice anymore? I won't smell his aftershave? What do I do?

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

In the first week of April the weather turned suddenly unseasonably, insistently lovely. The sky was blue, the air warm and windless, and the sun beamed on the muddy ground with all the sweet impatience of June.

– Donna Tartt, The Secret History

[full-of-rage-and-adoration]

Blowing smoke rings around you and calling you Saturn.