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[functionalechoes]

did I disappear again I think I disappeared again.

work has been extra busy because we are down a few team members until we get new hires. if I have time to think about anything other than work it's "life stuff."

I have four medical appointments in October. a consult, an appointment to put a monitor tube in, an appointment to take it out, and a follow up. after all this time it's shocking how fast everything is moving now.

but never mind that. the important stuff!

this is Rigel, she is four months old, and currently she is confusing the hell out of Estinien because she loooooves him but only when he doesn't want to play lmao

she's very timid, and doesn't like people very much, so getting her to trust me has been an adventure. I'm only allowed to hold her for a minute at a time, but she purrs all the while.

also she barks instead of meowing. that's Estinien's fault. Rinoa's been trying to teach her how to cat, but the dog is winning the best friend competition.

I don't want to jinx anything, but here's to hoping things calm down enough to write & play. I miss y'all.

[functionalechoes]

an update to my health issues:

finally got in to see the surgeon after the appointment was rescheduled four times. Unfortunately I get to go for Even More Testing to make sure that the proposed surgery will actually solve the problem. it could take up to six months to get these tests done.

on the upside I did get to say "I've done that" to every suggestion he had for me to try in the meantime. It definitely surprised him that golly gee surgery was not actually my first attempt to solve this.

on the downside I also got the "if you just lose 20 pounds, it might solve itself!" comment. yes thank you, that is definitely not something I have been trying to do for the last three years only to be stopped because I get violently sick after less than half an hour of activity and spend the rest of the day light headed and wobbly.

his response to being told that was "oh that happens."

very helpful.

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--IX

Game Over.

--TRIX

Game Over.

MATRIX.

between one nano and another the deep rumble of his designation (title? name?) clicks him online. Energy floods through his body and his limbs move without his input.

That's alright; his mind is too foggy to understand much of anything in the present. He doesn't know where he is. what he is. who he is.

His body moves to the script his code initiates.

It's not enough.

Game Over.

...

MATRIX

"E---!!"

there is something faint behind his name when he comes online this time. He doesn't know what it could be, but it resonates in his chest and calls to him to focus. To fight through the fog in his head, to get his bearings, and to think.

It's still not enough.

Game Over.

...

MATRIX

"EN--!!"

Has that echo always been there? How many times has he come online and gone offline to that ghost of a sound? It digs deep inside him, yanking and tearing at his memory with hopeless futility. He only knows what he needs to know: the User has summoned him to fight as it has so many times before and so he shall fight. It is his purpose and it consumes him fully.

"ENZ-!!"

The fight is lasting longer than usual. His scripted actions have begun repeating.

His face throbs with remembered pain. It's distracting.

Game Over.

ANDRAIA

[functionalechoes]

He could feel the programming leaching into his body; spotting his vision in a way that was distinctly different from the signals his that mangled eye was sending. it was hardly a slow process as it slid through his body like a warm energy shake and utterly unavoidably impossible to stop. it hooked and caught and prickled against his skin as it spread out from the door that had been opened between him and the game that was centered on his icon.

would he be deleted? would there be a null left in his place in mainframe? would he continue on in the game as he was, or would his file be backed up and initiated over and over again?

game sprite mode was a gamble and an experiment. something he and AndrAIa had cooked up on their own, all too aware that the code that they had shared might not do anything. That it might do little more than leave an erased file in his place, another game sprite AI to pilot his code suit.

He had been certain Dot would not approve of their attempt, and now he desperately wished he'd taken the chance to tell her. to give her that last fragment of hope that even if the game was lost, they were not.

The User let go and he felt everything he was shatter away.

Game Over.

User wins.

[functionalechoes]

I was supposed to talk to my surgeon today, so I took the whole day off in case I fainted in the office again. Unfortunately the appointment got pushed back to the 28th on account of an emergency call in the OR.

So instead I spent the day watching nothing but ReBoot. In the last three days I've watched the series completely through 1.5 times. I've dug around for fanfic and fanart and I am just. obsessing over Matrix & AndrAIa again. always. forever.

I'm going to go find a prompt list and try my hand at writing both of them.

[functionalechoes]

I need to find a list of writing prompts or something, so I can think of horrible ways to traumatize my characters instead of stewing over my diagnosis.

that is to say, my most recent set of test results came back with the ominous "is this a good time to talk?" that you never want to hear from a nurse. I am now on a wait list to see a specialist about abdominal surgery, and I would like to stop thinking about that now please and thank you brain.

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Three hours spent attempting to roleplay as Una in-game tonight for our FC's venue opening. There was much failure on my part. But I did get this screenshot (and almost crashed the game while doing so)

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Reblog if its ok to spam you with boops

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I give boop

I get boop

am happy

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an adorable estinien to make up for my absence

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so.

as it turns out, there is actually a medical reason behind why I get as far as planning things and then never following through. The constant fatigue, inability to focus, the weak limbs, headaches, heart problems, the still unidentified abdomen pains... I've been suffering from anemia and the associated dangerously low hemoglobin count for at least three years. (at least that's as far back as I remember complaining to my doctor about these and his response was "oh you're too young to worry about that sort of thing!")

I'm still undergoing tests to figure out the underlying issues, as the anemia is a direct result of my avoidance of foods that gave me heartburn, but for now I'm just happy to know that there is a reason why every time I sit down at the computer I'm falling asleep within an hour.

I've been haunting tumblr for years, swinging back and forth between attempts at activity (usually during my vacation periods when I haven't used up all my focus and effort at work) and reading posts desperately wishing I could keep an idea in my head long enough to reply to them.

Hopefully, now that I have an idea of what the fuck is going on with me and that I'm starting supplements to help bring me out of the fog, I won't just be wishing. Lets find out together, yeah?

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I will begin this mess of muse musings with the pair that are youngest of my muses: Jake and Marco of the Animorphs.

I have been a borderline obsessive Animorphs fan since around the time that book 2 came out. One of the very few non-traumatic memories I have prior to the accident that scrambled my memory is seeing the Scholastics Book Fair Flyer and instantly being enamored with the cover of a girl changing into a cat.

I had no idea I was about to jump headlong into a nearly 30 year (so far) love of child soldiers, guerilla warfare, and trauma as far as the eye can see.

I have a lot of feelings about those "teenagers with a deathwish" (twelve. someone calculated it out in a post I've long since lost and they're twelve at the start). I have a lot of thoughts about all of the characters but Marco and Jake have consumed my attention the most. Those are my boys. The boy general and his right hand. The tactician and his guiding light.

I have roleplayed as Marco for just about twenty years now. Jake hits twelve years this month, if I go by the old blog's first post. And this week I plan on writing about one or the other or the two of them together every day.

I'd apologize for the babble that is to come, but I'm not sorry. I am in fact quite gleeful about writing about them again. Maybe I'll even reblog some of the stuff on Jake's old blog. Marco's history goes back to livejournal and IRC/skype, so it's a bit harder to revive than Jake's.

[functionalechoes]

I spend so much of my drive to/from work thinking about posts I can make, roleplay to write, and things to draw, but by the time I get home I'm too tired to do anything but sleep.

I do have a handful of postings notes from work to turn into a ramble about Jake and Marco... I just. need to figure out my own messy handwriting.

[functionalechoes]

Today is Estinien's second birthday, hooray!

look at him in his new bandana, all confused about why he needed a new bandana

[functionalechoes]

I spent most of my vacation sleeping, but hey. the name change happened, and I've got a bunch of muse posts.

I did forget that having lots of muses meant doing some sort of public write up on them before my brain will let me actually play them. Which is frustrating because I get three sentences into one and then jump to the next and never get anything completed.

lol maybe being at work tomorrow will actually make me focus instead of going "mmmm sleeeeeeeep" and drifting back off

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[functionalechoes]

I forgot I had switched Zack to his beach outfit and shrieked "why is he naked????" when I started Crisis Core today.