funnybitxh - Tumblr blog

[funnybitxh]

This Pride I hope that all of you never ever forget that no amount of sanitizing your sex life or sanding down of your LGBT edges will make bigots accept you. So, don’t debase yourself by capitulating an inch to them, especially in ways that throw your fellow community members under the bus.

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[funnybitxh]

"What kind of victim forgives the killer at the moment of death?"

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Tim: What are you doing?

Toby, sitting in front of the fridge at 3am, eating ice cream from the tub with a fork: My best.

[funnybitxh]

happy pride month eddie kaspbrak i saw your ruby ring and your gucci loafers

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No because that would have solved EVERYTHING

Posting Hannibal related memes until they save Hannibal, day 1059.

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Will I ever love someone so much that my dying words would be an inside joke between me and that person, just so I can hear them laugh for the last time?

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no because regardless of whether you like freddie lounds or not it’s impossible to not appreciate her coming up with term “murder husbands” for hannibal and will and using it to describe them in-universe

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Morning murder husbands save me

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You’re in his DM’s, I’m incorrectly drawing clocks in his office while I don’t notice him staring at me with barely contained lust

[funnybitxh]

I see your "Hannibal killing Will's surrogate daughter who lured and ate people (Hannibal's style of killing) the way lambs get slaughtered for food,"

and I raise you "Will killing Hannibal's surrogate son who hunted and mauled people (Will's style of killing) the way animals get mauled when they infringe on each other's territory."

Do you fold?

[funnybitxh]

a non-subtext hannibal sex scene would be like: *will in therapy with bedelia, slutty outfit on, recounting the event just to torment her* *tasteful artsy shots of hannigram doing it (flesh sliding against flesh, close-ups of trembling eyelashes, drops of sweat rolling down skin)* *metal pipes tumbling down the stairs dot mp3 gets louder* *alternating shots of them in the kitchen and in the bedroom: a knife cutting into meat, a hand brushing a knife scar. swallowing wine, swallowing bodily fluids. etc.* *will narrating over it like: "to know is to consume and to consume is to become... and hannibal knows me, with all the teeth at his disposal..."* *interspersed shots of them procuring the 'food': knife stab parallels the other kind of penetration, a frightened scream is followed by one of rupture* *"we teach each other to hunger and to yearn, and we feed one another over.. and over.. and over"* *cut to bedelia looking like she will bill him six times her usual fee*

[funnybitxh]

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be a nervous young man

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the plot of nbc Hannibal

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Sorry it’s early but you really can’t use fanfiction terms in a non fanfiction context like if someone is trying to sell me a book to read and they tell me there’s an enemy to lovers I would be annoyed because why are you spoiling the story lol

[funnybitxh]

old men yaoi

[funnybitxh]

continuation of this post

richie finds an old camcorder while unpacking that he doesn't remember buying. all of the videos are corrupted except one: a video of a high school boy running in a track meet, the videographer cheers louder than everyone else urging "spaghetti" to "wipe the floor with those assholes!", the videographer sounds like richie, but richie doesn't recognize the boy in the video. the boy wins the race and chases after the videographer, yelling at him to stop filming, but he has a massive grin on his face. the video ends when the boy tackles the videographer to the ground, both of them are laughing.

richie feels deeply uncomfortable and sad when he watches the video, but in a way that makes it impossible for him to delete it. he goes through the hassle of getting the video converted to digital, then he burns it onto a DVD. the DVD is his copy of stand by me, which he picked up at a garage sale. he watched the movie once, and it made him so anxious he threw up, he never watched it again, and was so disturbed by it he almost smashed it.

even though the video can't be longer than 3 minutes he'll pop it into his dvd player and watch it whenever he's feeling lonely (most nights).

optional ending under the cut:

a few years later richie meets a guy whos really into like? files? or something? richie doesn't really get it, but before he can even really think it through he's asking the guy if he'd be able to salvage anything from this old camcorder he has laying around. the guys a college student and working part time, so it takes a few months, and richie's honestly starting to give up, but he comes up to richie after one of his stand up routines one time, and tells him he managed to save most of the data.

videos recovered include:

-richie talking nonsensically about how eddie's going to a different college than him, while she's trying to make dinner, she looks fond, and sad, and tells him he should invite eddie over for dinner

-a recording of bill and beverly racing on their bikes, they tie and argue over the winner, according to beverly bill cheated, she won't elaborate on how, but he definitely did. richie can be heard off screen yelling "YEAH! get 'em bev!"

-a video of mike showing richie how not to get his hand bitten while feeding the sheep. he's trying to be helpful, but he keeps laughing at richie every time he yelps and pulls his hand away.

-a video tour of the clubhouse, ben is explaining everything he needed to do to make it and richie is "oohing" and "awhing" when applicable

-a video of stan watching for birds, richie keeps adding nature documentary commentary about "the staniel in his natural habitat", and stan keeps hissing at him to shut up and focus the camera on a bird that is sitting in a nearby tree.

-a video of all of the losers sitting in a red truck, eddie is driving, richie is giving terrible directions, and stan is giving actual directions, the rest of the losers can be heard complaining about having to sit in the truckbed when it's cold, and plotting to overthrow richie and remove him from his position up front

-a video thats probably supposed to be of the stars, but the video quality makes it hard to tell. the losers are all laying in the truckbed and sound like they're about to fall asleep. they're making up names for constellations unseen to the camera.

richie sees all of these videos and manages to remember enough to look up his friends in derry, the only one he finds is mike, who he calls. this is of course followed by a very sweet losers reunion, and a terrible movie night