funsizedcedes

[funsizedcedes]

text message ✉️ jake ⇆ mercedes

JAKE: you excited to have me back?

MERCEDES: I should definitely be asking you that. who doesn't want me in their life? but one can infer that you were... missed.

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I wanna do the Don’t Rush Challenge but, I would literally just be me changing into several outfits and I don’t know how to do that many transitions on Tik Tok.

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text message ✉️ jake ⇆ open

JAKE: guess who is back on campus?

JAKE: it’s me.

MERCEDES: well damn. i thought i felt a chill cross the campus.

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On one hand, happy belated birthday! Turn up and all that fun stuff. On the other hand, your mama was giving you something private and you definitely deserved to get yelled at.

My mom called me during training today, and sang all three verses of ‘Happy Birthday’, which was really nice! It wasn’t so nice when she yelled at me for having put my phone on speaker and had the entire baseball team listen to it. 

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Janelle Monáe // Q.U.E.E.N.

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TXT MSG. 📱 LAUREN ⇆ MERCEDES.

LAUREN: I can't guarantee that. You know these hands stay ready. But I will give you an ice pack and a shot to make up for it.

LAUREN: Would linking up for a catch up session be too normcore, or are you committed to this plan?

MERCEDES: I don't think a shot will quite help with the potential black eye but we're getting somewhere.

MERCEDES: If you promise to never use normcore to my face again, we can link how ever you'd like. I like a good scare but I've seen you hit people.

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TEXT 📲 SAMCEDES

SAM: But they're so boooooringgggg, please stay the rest of the day. We can just chill. I can give you a massage?

SAM: I guess we were both a bit occupied with other things, than talking about different gadgets. Although, I feel like that should just be one of the first conversations that one has when they get to know someone, so I'm sorry for not initiating it. Would you really bring one back for me :O ???? What did you wanna be then? I need to know the future aspirations of young Mercedes J now! Errrrr, no, so Hondo Ohnaka was a pirate Jedi, but he wasn't a /Jedi/. A pirate in the Star Wars universe is still very much a pirate, like we know them to be, whereas Jedis are there to protect, using the force against the Sith tradition, also known as the dark side. Big difference here. I'm actually gonna chill for a bit, I think; lay low - you've heard it from a million other people and you're gonna hear it from me too; January's lasted for about five years and I need to get back on track with the baseball season coming up.

SAM: You could make yeast rolls here later, and I could help you out?

MERCEDES: If that's the case.... no. Go to class, I'll see you when I see you.

MERCEDES: Occupied with other things has gotta be the most family friendly version of that. Remind me to drop that on my mom when she asks me what I'm doing. I mean, space pens are necessary as is space ice cream and food. I mean what kind of cool gadgets do you have? Of course, I mean everyone deserves a cool pen. I remember I wanted to be a professional ice cream scooper, I mean spending all day around ice cream still sounds great. I wanted to be an art appraiser like Whitley Gilbert in a different world, but I think I just wanted her outfits. And last I wanted be Beyonce in Dreamgirls. I mean, who doesn't wanna come out and do the Diana Ross shimmy? Listen, you just spoke a whole lot of Star Wars to someone who only knows about 9% of the terms boo. Oh shit, is Sam Evans about to take... a chill pill? You excited about the season?

MERCEDES: Pick a time a place and I'll bring the ingredients.

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TEXT ✉️ SEBCEDES

SEBASTIAN: We’re done talking about it.

SEBASTIAN: I’m just lucky. It’s exhausting being nice to people, so I don’t bother unless I want something. He happened to take that the wrong way.

MERCEDES: your secret is safe with me.

MERCEDES: interesting point of view, also always very good to know. now I can't imagine why he'd ever take that the wrong way at all.

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Vela: Describe your musical taste?

In four words? All over the place. 

In more words; It depends on the day or what the shuffle says. 

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TXT MSG. 📱 LAUREN ⇆ MERCEDES.

LAUREN: do I need to worry about you jumping out at me after a soft knock on the front door?

MERCEDES: no. yes. maybe. I haven’t decided yet. just don’t hit me.

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TXT MSG. 📱 LAUREN ⇆ MERCEDES.

MERCEDES: do I need to pop up on you?

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TEXT 📲 SAMCEDES

SAM: 11am is officially reserved for one Mercedes Jones 💪

SAM: Woah woah woah, we've known each other for like a year now, and you're only just bringing up the pen /now/?! Do you still have it? Duh, who didn't want to be an astronaut? I wanted to be an astronaut and an MLB player and a Jedi, and then I also wanted to be a cowboy because of my grandparents' ranch. Are you saying I could be the Florida-version of Indiana Jones? Because I'd be fine with that. I think Lauren might take some time out to help me, but you weren't the only one who told me to go to the store and get it

MERCEDES: and a reminder this is a quickie bc we both have class this afternoon 🤧

MERCEDES: I really never told you about that? I mean we visited that place so much I'm pretty sure my family has like a whole mug full of them from just me and my sisters alone. I do not have it but a quick trip home one of these weekends, I can see if I can smuggle you one. As cool as anti-grav is, I didn't wanna be an astronaut 🙊 Damn you had the whole job market covered back in the day. I mean you could be a pirate and isn't that essentially Jedi? So you could be a pro baseball/pirate/cowboy. Although you pretty much got the cowboy thing figured out. Now that would be cool. What's your next feat Indi'Sam'a Evans? See now that's a tried and true friend. Tell her to bring me some bread. Although I will have to make some yeast rolls for you so I can change your life.

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TEXT ✉️ SEBCEDES

SEBASTIAN: I'll leave all of that to you because that's a look I couldn't pull off.

SEBASTIAN: I'm sure there are plenty of people who'd love to see you knock me on my ass. Pretty sure Evans would get hard from watching that.

MERCEDES: bitch was that a compliment? how'd it feel?

MERCEDES: how do you get to be so hated on campus and how did you get Sam Evans to hate you?

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TEXT 📲 SAMCEDES

SAM: So that's a no then?

SAM: But it'd be so cool to be an astronaut though, wouldn't it? Like, flying to other planets and all that...that'd be a dream come true. I don't know, maybe my abs would get me famous? They're ab-ulous. Of course I can sew buttons back on my clothes, Momma Evans didn't raise her kids to not be able to do basic things. You don't wanna help me put my nuts in jars? Oh...I guess we can make peanut butter though. It ain't no sourdough bread, but it's something

MERCEDES: it's a no from me dawg.

[a beat]

MERCEDES: but keep 11am open.

MERCEDES: If being an astronaut is anything like the Franklin Institute then hell yeah it is. I used to have this space pen that could write on anything and that gadget alone has made me a believer. Although the after effect of gravity would get on my nerves. Did you wanna be an astronaut when you were a kid? I mean the abs have some star power... I mean you could always be the guy who mooned on a FL news station and also has a cool job digging around on dig sites. I don't doubt Momma Evans, but I like Grammy Evans would be happy with that knowledge too. Maybe ask her to teach you to crochet? Did no one else answer the call for sourdough bread?

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TEXT 📲 SAMCEDES

SAM: So you're not up for a quickie before classes?

SAM: Listen, if I could be any type of famous, then I'd want to be the Neil Armstrong type of famous, but we can't all get what we want, so instead, I'mma consider being Reddit famous a pretty good start. No...but she's turning 60 this year, and I've decided to honor her by improving myself and following her ways. Which means that I need to be able to bake a quality type of bread, I have to learn how to crochet, and I gotta keep my nuts fresh in jars - not the bags that they're sold in

MERCEDES: 😒

MERCEDES: Unfortunately, Neil's got that kinda famous covered. But you can have it in a similar vein. What would you be famous for? Let's start with buildable goals. Sure we can tackle the bread right now, but also can you sew the buttons back on your clothes? I can't help with the fresh nuts,unless you wanna make a nut butter in which case let's get a couple pounds of peanuts and try to make homemade peanut butter.

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TEXT 📲 SAMCEDES

SAM: Never too early 😉

SAM: Errrr, excuse me ma'am, I once went reddit viral so I beg to differ. Okay, but you see, the thing is, if I go shopping with someone, then I /will/ act ridiculous and joke about buying a leaf blower, and then still go through with it, so that's a thing that won't work. Orange yeast rolls? But...grandma Evans will be way more impressed if I turn up with a sourdough bread than orange yeast rolls...

MERCEDES: don't be fresh boy lmao.

MERCEDES: is reddit famous the kind of famous you wanna be?and even those boys need sleep. okay so no to shopping. wait... is grandma evans coming up this way? cause I still think she'll be impressed with rolls....

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TEXT 📲 SAMCEDES

SAM: Why?

SAM: A) I can sleep when I get old, 2) No, because then I'll get distracted by the snacks aisle, and D) If I do something easy, then I'm not doing anything to improve myself. It's a #NewYearNewMe, Cedes. Nobody's gonna learn anything if they don't throw themselves into a challenge sometimes

MERCEDES: it's way too early in the day to go through that train of thought.

MERCEDES: I appreciate that motto, but also have you considered that you ain't a young money star and sleep is important. B) that's what the buddy system is for, ask a friend for 200 alex and G)but waiting more than a couple hours for homemade bread is a crime. how about orange yeast rolls? just as good all buttered up.