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26/3/2018

went to Uni to meet up with SV no3, because i missed last week session with the group. she brief me on what’s happening there, they had training to be facilitator? which was really confusing at first. then she further explains that it was like a role play, so they tried helping a DM patient who had problem with medication adherence. so we should ask questions, probing questions i think, that can be 2 types, content and process. as usual i have problem understanding what the hell is going on with all these terms. so she gave example, content is like the facts, what do you eat. then she goes on giving example with why are you late? - damn i was late yesterday... duh..

when i arrived, she was passing by to settle things in the main office, SV no2 greeted me asking if i was ok. i said yeah i am. she said wait a moment. i waited. she asked me if i was ok, am i prepared for this mom passed away, i said i am ok. i was not in the mood. don’t want to cry in there. she looked like she was in a rush. and was just on the phone with a friend before she came in. was already about to cry. but didn’t. during the briefing, once again she asked if was ok. and another time. and on the way out, she said if i am ready to talk some other time. i said ok. still not in the mood. 

i need to rehearse what i should tell her. it should be neutral. lol!

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28/1/2017 Fight and cry

That time when i have written half a page and its gone. Sigh. So had a disagreement with my boss and she made it so complicated it's only a little problem with timetable and I only wanted to change my timetable so that my class is not one after another and I wanted it to have at least a gap in between. I sit in front of her and there were other staffs at the back and her bff which is another boss of different kind was there backingher up and justify why i should not swap the classes. Remain it there. After much explanation she suddenly understand and said oh that is all u you want actually and i freaking flipped! I shouted like hell got no doors of shutting down on me and storm off out the class. As i was discussing with my colleague about swapping the timetable that makcik came in while passing by saying that i should fill up the form if you want to change class. Then i ignored her. Nobody wants to listen to people talking while walking that has no freaking manner at all talking to your staff like that. Now that i have keep it quiet and down that makcik from hell goes on and spread it out to others what happened and of course a lot of people did saw the incidence. But i would very much like it if she didn't talk about it openly. But i guess that is just her personality. I never knew i could burst out like that. I apologize via watsapp and all i got was a blue tick. And its okay as long as i dont let my ego control me. I will keep it down. I know i will be different around people. I am not happy anymore in that workplace. I was just about to reconsider of relocating to other university because everything is going well. Now i know there will be grudge against me. There will be people hating me. Only time will tell. I probably will do my best coping behavior that is avoidance. I am so good at it. The last time i did it with one of my colleague and we are actually quite in good term now. I dont how it happened but i avoided her the whole time and now we cool. Only talk to her on professional basis. That way i can keep my cool and cantek and people will be happy. Though the bigger boss actually say he is not against me wanting to swap and that makcik is the one who don't quite understand what he wanted but its okay. I think he made me cool down. Also a songkhla colleague did play it cool and really help calms me down too.

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Backlog early Jan 2017

When i was young i went to ustaz classes with my parents. They were so enthusiastic about learning religious things and it made me wonder much if they were truly happy. The ustaz always looked as if he has a special gift or as if a voice was behind him telling him exactly what to say. I was peeping theough the curtains since women sits at the back. It was as if he is reading through books that he remembers a lot of things and speak fluently about things. Now that i am older and much wiser and i am a teacher as well, i knew how easy all the words flying out. We had it all in our head and we just need to speak our mind. Nothing unusual about that. It is my awakening when a student said how fluent i am or how genius i am (we all know genius means well versed at that one subject). I take it as a complement of course. But it also means i deliver my knowledge and it is sure delivered. Since they all understood enough at their stage of being a student at first exposure.

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7/12/2015 self confident booster

After my paper oral presentation had lots of people participants asking questions. The emcee for my session conclude because of time constraint you can tackle her to ask. What a flatter for me to which i replied with a coy smile and a little cute turn to the left. Lol! So much of self booster there Prof Zhang!

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bila ada yang baik dengan aku... jangan lah terlalu baik.. hati ini kan salah dalam membuat penafsiran... bila orang terlalu baik maka hati mula jatuh sayang pada dia... jika dia seorang lelaki, maka sangat mudah untuk aku jatuh cinta padanya... jika dia seorang perempuan.. pedih di hati ini bila dia bersikap kasar secara tiba-tiba. walau kasar yang sekecil zarah... aku tetap terasa... jangan la terlalu melayan dan membelai aku seperti bayi... maka aku sangat mudah untuk tersalah tafsir.. aku mungkin akan ingin diperlaku begitu hingga bila orang mula menjauhkan diri dari aku aku akan mula terasa hati. jangan la berjanji untuk aku jika tak pernah ikhlas... hati ini sakit bila janji di mungkiri... hati kecil ini selalu tersentuh.. tersentuh dengan kedaifan dan kekurangan diri. tersentuh dengan manusia di sekeliling, tersentuh apabila sering dipermainkan... namun hati ini sering berkata...'biarlah..mungkin mereka sekadar bergurau' hati juga selalu menangis sendiri..dan memujuk diri sendiri... hurm... sabar yer hati.. Credit to: Nilam suhana nukilan jiwa

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20.8.2014 GRAVITY

I hate gravity. Without it my mother would not have to fall and injured herself. Or anyone would not have the fear of falling ie fall off the cliff or bathroom. But gravity gives all the buildings a sense of stableness?? Which without would have our houses and schools afloat and disorganize. And water will not be able to flow directly to your shower and needs a hell of energy to pump.

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19/8/2014

This house smells like herbs. But bad herbs that stinks. Bakar batu dengan daun punya hal.

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Its almost 12noon on 3/8/2014 but i am still having the normal rhinitis. Sticking tissue packs in the nose.

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In jpj building waiting my turn to renew the roadtax. Killing time by going through the tweets #mh17 and facebook videos and stories on #gaza. I had glassy eyes. In the middle of a crowd. Cant hold it in anymore. Got to stop reading all those sad stories. Pray for the best.

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3.7.2014

Sambil dengar Cold Coffee - ed sheeran cover by Jake E. Sangat mentenangkan fikiran lah dengar akustika ni. Rasa solemn n sedap di bulan puasa hari ke lima. Tak lapar tak dahaga alhamdulillah tapi sakit kepala. Tidur yang lama sangat n bangun pada matahari tinggi punca sakit kepala. Mungkin. Akustika memang sedap pada hari puasa yang malas.

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11.6.2014

I do not know if i should believe in god. I have lost my faith little by little that i don't know why. I have been too careless and maybe too much stress for the exam tomorrow. Had not been in one for almost a year now. I am tremendously nervous. I think too much. I know that others don't even think twice of what i did or said or write. But i have a feeling of insecurity every time i meet people i had contact with. Pray to god i will success or at least pass this exam.

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ABC’s new show, Galavant, for those who can’t get past the region lock on Youtube

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9.4.14 Wednesday

Non fasting day. I watched Bates Motel and that Norma is so overprotective of Norman. I have always hated that.

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14.3.2014

Berdoa bersungguh agar Allah temukan pesawat yang hilang. Terasa incompetent untuk berdoa. Terasa seperti Allah mungkin akan mengambil masa mengkabulkan doaku. Mohon orang yang Allah akan makbulkan doanya agar berdoa untuk memudahkan proses pencarian pesawat.

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Day 7 - the regimen from acne.org Put on some Palmer's cocoa butter scar serum in the morning. Found that some whiteheads starting to come out. So i washed with Dermalogica special gel cleanser and do the regimen all over again at noon (1.30pm).

[futurefatintoreview-blog]

Day 7 - the regimen from acne.org Put on some Palmer's cocoa butter scar serum in the morning. Found that some whiteheads starting to come out. So i washed with Dermalogica special gel cleanser and do the regimen all over again at noon (1.30pm).

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10.2.2014 Helping hand

I got a call from my lecturer saying she needs an RA who can do SPSS and literature review. But i cant because i am a staff in my current workplace. So she asked if i can find anyone to help her. I asked my friend and she agreed. So i feel elated now. I dont know why. Is it because i have done something good and kind by helping people. Do i genuinely like to help people. I really do not feel like i am really helpful. But a friend said that i am orang kanan. I am yet to prove that.