gabriel--knight

[gabriel--knight]

Too much time on my hands and a 3D printer.

[gabriel--knight]

I love this anime. Definitely top 10

GUNSMITH CATS ANIME INTRO 1995

[gabriel--knight]

Interstellar Guide to the Planet Earth

Greetings! If you are reading this, you have been selected to travel across the cosmos to a rather strange planet called Earth. Located in the far corner of the universe, Earth is home to a variety of species such as OCTOPI and ELK and DOGS NAMED JEREMY.

In addition, Earth is inhabited by a dominant race called HUMANS. This guide will assist you in preparing for an encounter with these frightening creatures. Though they are covered in a soft organic material called flesh (which keeps all their insides on the insides), they are cunning, violent, and tend to scream when they see things they cannot explain.

Interstellar Guide to the Planet Earth by TJ Klune

By the end of this guide, you will have been given the tools in order to safely and carefully visit Earth. If you should have further questions, please see Glorbak the Destroyer of Worlds, who will be happy to answer any inquiries you may have.

Remember: Exploration is the key to survival!

1.   You meant to travel to the HUMAN LAND OF DEARBORNE MICHIGAN, but because of the bending of space and time, you accidentally ended up in the dark place known as TALLAHASEE FLORIDA. Do not fret! Though Florida is considered an area where dreams go to die (also see THE HUMAN LAND OF TEXAS), there are many wonderful things to discover, such as bugs, humidity, reptiles and HUMANS called JESSICA who chew loudly while running a business called a NAIL SALON. This is used to sharpen the talons of humans, and to paint them different colors. Though not much is known about this tradition, it is thought that it grants powers to the HUMANS who visit this establishment.

2.   Oh no! While exploring the HUMAN LAND OF NORTH YORKSHIRE ENGLAND, you happen to see a GREY disguised as a chimney sweep. As you are well aware, GREYS are an odious species whose entire way of life is built around anal probing. Though we have a treaty with the GREYS, it is important to remember that anal probing does not provide any scientific and/or medical knowledge. Given that the GREYS have the technology to do non-invasive full body scans, it’s unknown why they continue to proceed through the back entrance. If you come across a GREY preparing to do just that, please remind them that it is against RULE 5#$7^45J to proceed with anal probing without the expressed permission of the one being probed. Consent is important no matter what part of the universe you are in!

3.   HUMAN HOLES. Though it may seem disgusting to an elevated species, HUMANS evolved to have multiple holes in their bodies. Do not be scared! These are imperative to their survival. We have already discussed one hole (the anus), but did you know that humans have several more? The most diabolical is the hole in the top parts of their bodies, otherwise known as a MOUTH. Inside the MOUTH is a wet piece of muscle surrounded by shards of bone that pierce through the flesh. This is, as far as we can tell, a “feeding hole”, the bones used to break up sustenance, and the muscle inside swirls it around. In addition, there are glands in the MOUTH HOLE that create lubrication. It is unknown if this lubricant is poisonous. If you should see a HUMAN leaking lubricant from its MOUTH HOLE, it is either a) hungry or b) getting ready to attack. One line of thought is that the lubrication allows HUMANS to breathe fire, though no evidence of this has been noted.

4.   Most HUMANS have communication devices they carry around with them at all times. Interestingly, these devices seem to have an unintended consequence: not one of them could survive without it. If, on the off chance, you find yourself surrounded by a mob of HUMANS CARRYING TORCHES AND PITCHFORKS, tell them you are going to take their communication devices away. Most likely, they will crumble and dissolve into LEAKING LUBRICANT FROM THEIR EYE HOLES, begging you not to do what you said. Some have suggested that the HUMAN’S life forces are tethered to these devices, and if they are taken away, there is a chance the HUMANS will turn feral.

5.   And finally, the most important: DO NOT ASK HUMANS WHO THEY VOTED FOR. On Earth, people “choose” their leaders on a special day filled with love and celebration and good feelings. However, the HUMANS elected are oft considered “really bad at their job” and “unable to speak in coherent sentences.” In a fascinating turn of events, the HUMANS appear to be rare creatures who are somewhat advanced, but also continually make terrible decisions just because they’re mad about certain things that have no basis in reality. If you do make the mistake of asking a HUMAN who they voted for, chances are you will be stuck in a conversation that will last as long as the life of a star. The only way to get out of said conversation is to announce you voted for the other leader running in the election. This will most likely incense the speaker to say things like, “DAMN YOU, YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING BUT YOURSELF” before leaving. Congratulations, you survived an encounter!

[gabriel--knight]

I have decided that there are only two genders.

My gender and your gender.

My gender is none of your business and your gender is none of my business.

Hope that clears it all up.

[gabriel--knight]

Iceland 🇮🇸 !.

[gabriel--knight]

[gabriel--knight]

He has a lil raincoat

(via)

[gabriel--knight]

One thing that is still boggling my mind is that people are defending certain people for being called a nazi.

If lots of people are loudly calling someone a nazi then there's a good chance they are doing something Nazi like and by defending them you are also being a bit nazi like....

If you are sat at a table having drinks with 4 Nazis, how many Nazis do people see sitting at the table?

It's 5...you are the fifth Nazi.

Don't be a nazi apologist.

It's sad we don't have many people around anymore that fought in WWII that can explain why they fought and why so many died to stop Hitler.

[gabriel--knight]

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“We asked them to bring the most impressive stolen item.”

Taskmaster NZ S02E04

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