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prizefght·:
maybe he had seen her , and it was only in his haze that he had forgotten . an honest version of himself might admit noticing her and turning the other way , avoidance as strong as it had ever been . he dealt with nell , he preferred milena , but gave a strong berth to the girl next to him , whenever he recognized her . thankfully there were other bars , other places for a boxer to nurse his bruises , even if he did not sustain many . ‘ two years , ’ he repeats , an understanding nod marking his words .
the walk home is not so bad as he expects , the numb feeling he had given himself still lasting ; while the haze persists , he is only unsteady , not pained . it will come back , but for the moment he is fine . it might return , but he manages to keep his pace and walk along with her . ‘ ah , yes . ’ he knows what after she means , and he won’t press for or allow her to elaborate on further details . guilt still sits in the pit of his stomach . ‘ good that you’re together again , ’ he adds , almost as an afterthought .
of all the men she had set her sights on, she had never even imagined to attempt to win him over. for many moments after that night she had resolved herself to agreeing that perhaps he simply did not want her, that there were men who would not want her, and that it was fine. she had to tell herself it was fine over and over until the rest of her believed it. two years, even she could not believe it had been that long since, although she had not fully stopped until a year ago. the money was a lot better than that she had received at the garnizon, but the prospect of mitya confronting her about what it was she did made the difference worth it.
she purposefully drags her feet, slowing down his already unsteady pace. “yes... we were close before her left but, you know... war” she was hesitant to make light of the situation, knew that each men viewed the war as something entirely different, and perhaps in a moment he might take the raise of her eyebrow at the mention of the battle as offensive. still, she could not help herself - the way she saw it she had two options, allow the war to ruin her life or ignore the dark truth of it until it held nothing over her head. “i don’t mean to offend you, and in truth i know in my heart you won’t be the man to do this... but if you run into him, please make no mention of me.” in her heart she knew almost nothing about him, but she always chose to go by her gut feelings rather than what she knew to be concrete. she could laugh at how her family still made a child out of her, how she hid things as if a schoolgirl still. “his name is dmitry. he comes by the garnizon often.”
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bochrum·:
‘ then perhaps don’t tell drunk men they can spend their free time with you . eventually one of them will remember , ’ nell was one to talk of saying things to drunk men that they might remember , but she was better at looking out for others than herself , partially due to a perhaps undeserved confidence in her ability to handle situations . she’d yet to be burned enough to keep her from playing with fire , and thus thought herself incombustible . ‘ i'll admit though , that went much better than i expected it to . ’
‘ i just want them to have to work to convince me , gal . put a bit of effort in if they want to be my favorite , of one night or all of them . i’m not completely writing them off , i just haven’t seen it . ’ she shrugs , unsure exactly what her point was but still talking anyway . however she looks up , slight smile widening , ‘ elsewhere is not a bad idea … even if just because i haven’t been elsewhere in too long . ’
“oh, they remember my love. it is i who pretends to forget.” she chuckles, she just enjoyed the way their face would light up at her words, appreciated how they would react whenever she cast her glance upon them. perhaps that is why she had jumped at the opportunity to work at the garnizon, drunk men were always the ones she found herself getting along with most. her mother had attempted to raise her to fear men, told her that they were dirty and only ever wanted one thing from her, but she found if she accepted this one thing then she could have everything else she wanted in return. it was easy enough to learn, and she was sure her voice sounded even prettier a few drinks down. there were terrifying men she just wanted to adore her, and if others opinions were to be listened to, it would get her killed some day.
she had found someone to be her favorite of all the nights, but that felt like a lifetime ago now. “men do not like to work when they’ve just finished a long day atwork.” she laughed, shrugging her shoulders, enjoying the easy conversation as they finished cleaning up. “oh i’m always elsewhere, is there anywhere you would specifically want to go?”
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sofiayakovna·:
Even sitting alone in that darkened corner, Sofia managed, in her own way, to recline like royalty
— Dido in her private chambers. There were no more furs now, no more pearls, but in the absence of everything else, she could at least retain the gilding of her posture. But even then, the little glass sitting in front of her, which she now nursed quietly every few moments, felt sour on her lips, a crippling downfall from finer nectar that had once passed them. Still, she felt no shame in being a drinker; _most people were, after all. And the warmth settling over her limbs made her feel more settled in this place. She was doing what she always did; she was sitting and listening and drinking. That was not new. _But Moscow and these darkened walls certainly were, and despite her odd, balmy affinity for the people whose powers surrounded those walls, she had none for the walls themselves.
“Now, now, what are you doing here, hm? Russia really mustn’t hide its jewels in the dark. It does you no credit, pretty thing.” She spoke up finally to the barmaid, whom she had perhaps been eyeing privately every few moments now.·“We’re odd pictures, the pair of us, yes? We come to places like this because these are the places men come to. And when men come, so we follow. And that’s the curse of our sex.” She pursed her lips in a knowing smile, forthright with the alcohol’s punch. She raised the glass.·“To your health. You’ll forgive an old woman for losing herself.”·
@galechkas·
galina had made it a personal goal to notice anyone who walked into the garnizon, but as with all things in life, this plan did not always come to fruition. it was known to get busy at a certain hour, and it was easy to get overwhelmed by the demands of the patrons. once it did finally begin to calm down, even the constant buzz of chatter felt like silence. this was not where she had envisioned herself, and somewhere deep down was still positive it was not where her story would end.
They were short a server so once again she found herself working the floor, cleaning up after the men passed out on the table, lifting a glass from here and there and sliding between the crowds. many men spoke to her in these times, and while in the beginning she would have interacted readily, she had learned now at least which of them to ignore and which of them to provide with her attention. yet when she spoke, galina found herself stopping in her tracks to listen, glass she had picked up frozen in the air. a smile appeared quickly on her face at what she heard as a compliment, and it took her a moment to collect her thoughts, to be able to say anything to the woman in front of her. “you could say i.. fell into the job. ” she had not believed herself such an easy tell, and she felt awfully seen in the dimly lit walls of the garnizon. still, she took the untouched glass on her tray meant for a customer and raised it along with her, “no, to your health as well, for being so clear in your thoughts and not concealing them. indeed places like this may not be made for us, yet here we are” she had to admit she was fascinated by this woman now, and how she had taken all of galina into account as if she was reading off the pages of a book.
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𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐃𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐖𝐀𝐑 . / part iii . @garnizons @bochrum @galechkas
#I didn't reblog this then because I also din't want to spam#;; little girl in my head that screams unloved ;; musings
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bochrum·:
nell is simply protective , and amazed at how galina managed to make it to this point in her life with such a purely positive outlook . ‘ but it’s not his home , and he can’t stay here . ’ if it had been a matter of the man having no place to go , it might have pulled a different response from her , but she had seen the way he spent money and the watch he had , surely he had somewhere else to go . yet , galina proves at least part of her sentiment with the way she gets him to leave , ‘ iontach … ’ she says , shaking her head both in disbelief that it worked and what her friend had said while doing so .
‘ i don’t mind most of them , i just won’t call them my favorites , ’ she says , turning back to her work , ‘ and none of them enough to promise them time outside of this place … yet . i’m waiting for one of them to prove me wrong , but i’m starting to think it won’t happen here . ’
galina had decided so long ago that she was not going to waste her youth on growing up. and with that, while many likely did not believe her to be paying attention, she actually understood and remembered far more than what everyone around her thought she would. “you can try to tell them that every night, nelya, or you can just nudge them out the door when the time comes.” she shrugged, collecting glasses on her way back to the bar.
“they’re just my favorite of the night. I don’t dream about them when I go home.” those dreams were reserved for other favorites - dream girls she longed to be, the man who had paid her the proper attention back home, those just outside of her reach that tantalized her with their indifference. “if you don’t think they’ll be able to prove you wrong they never will. but we can always attempt to look elsewhere.” her eyebrow raised at the proposition, because in truth galina would never object to a night out in search of anything.
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prizefght:
he hadn’t been ready for their encounter ; anger had driven him to her , but that was only a thin covering on the hurt that lay below , but so close to the surface . it was not a rejection of her , but a realization of the fact that if he was angry at his wife , he was still a man who considered himself married . there was a guilt there , and also in looking at her — she who was young and kind and deserved better than to be touched by an angry and lonely soldier for coin .
it takes him a second to stand , but sitting down for a moment had helped . ‘ thank you , ’ he replies , and begins to lead the way , taking a steady but slightly slower pace than most of the pedestrians on the street . it’s only a few blocks to where he lives , a different apartment than the one she had been in before , never being able to feel completely settled in it after dora left . better to find a new bedroom than to sleep in the living room . there’s a silence between them for a moment but then she offers an answer to his second request and he gives a slow nod . ‘ maybe i’ll see you there sometime , it’s not far from where i work . ’ konstantin had no desire to linger on the topic of his habits , so he adjusts , even if the prospect of seeing her more often felt strange and left him unsure how to react . it wasn’t a bad thing , really , but still , strange . ‘ how long have you worked there ? ’ easy questions , things he can understand in haze he feels himself in at the current moment .
in truth, she had seen several men like konstantin, she was no stranger to those who paid her for her time. in the beginning the men who came to her were those who were too injured from the war and had come back sooner than the rest. towards the end, she began to see those who came back once the war had ended. each of them had their own reactions to it, and she had been there to bare witness to so much of it. they were all angry, they were all guilty, but almost none of them had stopped the way he had. men who go to pay a woman rarely ever find it in their conscious to change their mind after it had already begun.
she enjoys the slow pace, gives her more time to look around and take in her surroundings as she had been before they had interrupted each other. she attempted to mask the surprise that appeared on her face at his statement, had not expected him to make such a proposition but welcomed it nonetheless, and now it was her turn to nod. “yes, i work there most nights. i’ve been there for about... two years now I believe. I started shortly after...” she trailed off, rather not confront the truth of her job nor the truth of their first encounter. he knew what it was she had done, but still it was a black stain on an otherwise nearly perfect reputation. she was not ashamed, but was made painfully aware of what many believed of the situation. “my brother, he was returning to moscow so... changes had to be made.” offering up some secret of her own as if to offset all she had learned of him in his silence.
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prizefght·:
‘ ah , no ’ he realizes what it must have looked like , laughing at her ‘ i was reminded of something . ’ dora would tease him when he complained too much , would trace scars and bruises as they lay next to each other , but she was not a woman who would have offered such things to him if he had an injury from a fight , reminding him that he had brought it on himself and that she believed him strong enough to pull through it . it was that she continued to prove herself as something so different then what he was used to that had brought the laugh to his lips . it wasn’t particularly funny , and neither had been the night that had come about due to him realizing this discrepancy before , but he felt there was little else to do .
to some extent he felt it would be rude to refuse her again , and he shifted slightly trying to think what he might ask for . ‘ i’ve not got much farther to get back to my apartment , would you walk with me ? ’ he thought it would be better to have someone with him , though he hated to admit it ; yet , for that reason , he doesn’t explain why . ‘ and one other thing , if it’s not too much , which is to not think of me lesser because of this . ’ whether this be the state of his body that he often tried to ignore , or the fact that he was clearly using some kind of substance stronger than the garnizon served to deal with it , he didn’t clarify either .
she longed eternally to be enchanting, for all attention to gravitate towards her and her only. she had grown up in wanting of everything, had come here to achieve it. she refused to be ashamed for that. if only because of this, she found herself afraid of each possible misstep, of one wrong word turning him back into the man who had paid and rejected her. it seemed so recently in her mind, now that he was in front of her.
it was clear even to her that this wanting was what had caused her to follow him onto the bench where others would have told her to turn and run. what allowed her to follow him to his apartment and what would bring her to his door the same time tomorrow. “i could think of nothing more lovely than to take a walk in this weather.” she nodded, allowing him to get up from the bench before she did herself. they had passed along polite phrases as if they were walking along a minefield, she was afraid of the moment she couldn’t pull laughter out of him, what he was afraid of she did not know. she had contemplated responding for too long, did not want the silence of her steps to send the wrong message. “i work at the garnizon now.. I would like you to know that this is nothing new to me that would warrant anything of that sort” she did not say what she believed was likely on both of their minds - that they had both seen each other in strange and lesser circumstances.
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prizefght·:
there’s a strange comfort in her smile , the feeling that he’s done something right . ‘ no trouble , ’ he assures her , nodding his head . konstantin was quite sure he knew the building and , given a clearer head , he could find it . he shakes his head at her offers , ‘ trust me , this is not because you ran into me . ’ there’s a momentary break in his speech , gives him a second to laugh — she really was the antithesis to dora , and that was what had caused all the problem — but then he decides to continue , ‘ you’re very kind though , i appreciate it , but really it is not necessary . ’
her smile only widens at the assurance. despite common misconceptions, she isn’t stupid, but she isn’t going to deny herself something for politeness sake. she was, though, off-put by his laugh, was filled with pride if she could bring it about in any way from him, especially if it could happen once more. “no i mean.. i’m not exactly the scariest of beasts, i didn’t credit the force of my shove to cause you any type of discomfort” she chuckled, if anything her crashing into him had knocked the breath out of her, even if just due to who he was. “i’d appreciate if you let me know if i could help, especially if your state does make things difficult. you can think of it as me repaying the favor you’re yet to do me.”
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prizefght:
‘ not your fault , ’ he replies , a sternness in his voice usually reserved for the correction of bad form in his fighters , but he thinks this is equally important . she was an innocent who had no reason to apologize , it was him who kept dragging her into strange and uncomfortable situations . ‘ i work there , ’ he explains , hand finally withdrawing . ‘ if you stop by tomorrow before the night starts , and if it is not so bad a day as today , we’ll find your building . ’
the tone of his voice was unfamiliar, a cross between a command and perhaps a comfort. still, despite the strangeness of the situation, a small smile bloomed on her face at his offer - the polite thing likely would have been to decline, but galina would not pass up the chance to get what she had wanted since she saw it on a walk one night long ago. “i would love that, but only if you’re sure it’s not a burden.” she had put it aside because it seemed silly to chase after such things during a war, and forgot about it save for a moment here and there. “is there anything I can do? so today isn’t bad? perhaps a cold compress.. a hot water bottle...food..I don’t know... it was I that ran into you, after all.” she laughed, shaking her head, eternally wanting to be essential but not aware as to how she could help.
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Why should I not want something better? Doesn’t everyone? Don’t you?
Catherynne M. Valente, Deathless (via meetmeatlexingtonandpark)
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prizefght·:
‘ i lied , ’ he confesses , after a moment of starring at the drawing , the delicate thing . he could tell it was pretty , but his mind was not with him enough to place it . ‘ when i said i was alright . it’s not a good day . ’ he reaches out to touch the edge of the paper , as if that might help him figure it out . ‘ sometimes i take things to help , but they make things foggy . ’ in his current state , it was easier for things to spill from him . he frowns , upset with himself for not being able to name the building even though it seems familiar . she seemed to be seeing examples of his shortcomings at every turn . ‘ do you know the den ? ’
her eyes widen, and she begins to compulsively nod her head. “oh..” she did not know quite what to say, did not know how to change the conversation now that it was staring right at her. “i’m sorry.” she almost whispered, eyes focused in on his hand as he probably absentmindedly touched the paper, she didn’t know why she asked him but she did not take the paper back still. “i do know the den, yes.” , finally lifting her eyes from the drawing.
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oftsaritsyn·:
–––– in conversation with @galechkas·.
it wasn’t hard to accuse him of having a favourite person in the world –– he often proclaimed it loudly and obnoxiously, especially when he was devastatingly sober and definitely within earshot of the garnizon’s other patrons. plus, if it got a scowl out of his baby sister, then dmitry could rest easy for the rest of the night. or hide behind the excuse that she couldn’t kill the father of her only nephew. catching sight of galina, he collapsed onto a barstool closest to her, a little too chipper considering the behemoth of a day he’d had. “ the usual? ” dima ordered, fishing out a few crumpled notes and already sliding over a big tip across the counter. “ but two of them? ”
despite the way she would act whenever dmitry’s disapproving expression was cast upon his direction whenever anyone spoke to her even slightly forward, she still very much enjoyed it whenever he came around. he did not obviously return an entirely different man, there had still been years spent apart which felt as if they were lifetimes. still, she would have a bit of him rather than none at all. the smile erupted almost immediately on her face when he appeared, and with an overly exaggerated raised brow she slid the money back to him along with the drink. “are two of them really necessary, mitya?” she gave him both anyways, leaning forward on the bar holding her face in his hands. “tell me all about your fascinating day, I have a minute.”
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prizefght·:
there’s an exhale when he sits . shoulders roll back , trying to shake off the tightness that had settled in them . his focus is on his person , taking a moment to check in with himself . then it shifts to the present , and he realizes where he has placed himself , once again sitting next to this girl with no direction . she rescues him , offers him a lifeline in her question , and he tries to focus on that instead of the night they had , or probably more accurately hadn’t , shared . ‘ i grew up here . haven’t seen much else besides the war . ’ if that counted , all the trenches looked much the same .
her face lights up when he states he himself grew up here, as she had longed to have done herself. as she tends to do with all things, she romanticized moscow until it was intangible in her head. in that moment she forgets the discomfort between the two, what he had showed her that night, the doubt that had filled her mind for months to come. no- in this moment all she remembers was childish wonder, and she could not help but ask him. “that’s okay, i’ve seen nothing besides here and tsaritsyn... now you’re going to think me silly but...” she reached into the pocket of her bag and pulled out a drawing she had kept there always, handing it to him. “I stumbled upon this building when I first moved here, in truth i’ve been searching for it since. would you happen to know where it is?”
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Grace Elizabeth for Vogue Latin America & Mexico, shot by Patrick Demarchelier.
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blackpiin·:
He blinked when he realized what he’d done, not expecting such a response. Sure, it was a bit forward of him, but he knew most of the barmaids had heard all of it before, especially from weirder or handsomer guys. He may have pretended he was, but he wasn’t anything special. ❛ I didn’t mean to distract you, but you distracted me with your being. ❜ Even though it was flirting, it sounded more like an apology from his mouth.
the anger that had graced her brows was wiped away in just a moment, she was never one to dwell. dabbing gently at the stains that wet her clothing, she quickly shook her head before finally casting her gaze on him. “I distracted you, did I?” she laughed, but the comment filled her up all the same as she refilled his glass with whatever was left in her bottle. “you must be easily distracted then, must make it quite difficult to get around.”
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obssed·:
eyes followed slowly from the cup to her chest where she held it, eyes centred before lifting with a flush of his cheeks — it was not a conscious decision to starer and obsess, it was merely nature and instinct that made him follow her movements as if he were her shadow… but it was also embarrassment, humiliation and wonder that kept her alive so very vividly in his memories. she could, after all, bring him down if she so desired. she could spin tales of his flash of vulnerability; how he had taken her with greedy hands, a tense jaw and tear-stained cheeks. and yet, he spoke. tongue slowly winding around the polish before he straightened himself — his shoulders rolled back, his spine stretched. if he was to talk to her, then he’d be the opposite of how he truly felt. “prosze… it means please.”
she enjoyed the attention, that would never be untrue nor something she would deny. no stranger to mens stares, each profession she chose ensured that they would continue. yet he changed in front of her as he sat up, and she nodded her head as she went to get him another drink, accompanied by one of the small blini’s she had brought with her for a treat. she wrapped it in a napkin so the other customers wouldn’t expect the same, or perhaps mostly so nelya did not see her and once again tell her she was doing too much. placing them both on the table in front of him, she took one small step back, as if that would help in easing his worries. “now... how do you say thank you in polish, then?”
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bochrum·:
‘ and which ones are your favorite , eh ? ’ nell asked with a chuckle as she worked , just enough focus to get the job done and tease her friend’s saccharine outlook . ‘ do you just flip a coin or is there something they do to earn their place as favorite ? you can be pickier , gal ! ’ laughter fades , focus returned to a particularly sticky portion of the bar top . ‘ are you sure ? he looks like he’s down for the count . ’
' no exciting plans , perhaps i’m a bit too picky . ’ nell hadn’t had plans besides work and volunteering in quite some time , particular about who she held company with . she might enjoy a night out if she had it , or even a night in , but that wasn’t the priority at the moment . ‘ zhenotdel is meeting in the morning , so i plan to rest tonight . ’
her comments roll off of her as usual, she knows very well what she believes of how she carries herself in and out of the garnizon. “it’s just a feeling, nelya. I just know.” she shrugged, picking at a particularly stubborn stain on the counter. “he does this often, i’ve come to the idea that he believes this to be his home.”
as if to prove her point, she went to nudge the man awake as if shooing out a stray cat. in a way maybe she was. “you are always welcome to spend your free time with me, if you don’t tire of my company here already.” she shrugged as she picked up a tray to begin collecting abandoned glasses once more. “maybe one day we will reach a middle ground on how picky we are. until then, most of them will remain my favorites still.”
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