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[galsource75]

Chatting with the one you love (maybe not)

Everything inside of me is screaming 'Stop its a lie' you know well enough he does not even know that you exist. You have been down this road ; "how many times GalSource?" Exactly !! Now block the person now! I don't for longer than i know better to. And Words with passion and emotions are sent from my side of this place to the person on the other end of the chat line . Confessions of love and thoughts on life are exchange by way of poems and hellos in the early morning . Before the light of dawn is above the horizon we are chatting once again the only difference this time is that it is a different person claiming to be the Man i have fallen in love with. Long days and even longer nights i allow the passion play across my screen knowing all the while it is not him , yet the hope inside of me just will not let me push to the point of getting his confession of the truth of who he/she really is . Damn , I just let it ride out so that i can release all the emotions and all the daydreams inside of my mind before they cause me to burst into flames from the desire in my soul for him to but be the true person that i need him to be . soul steps in after a short while and demands that i pull the wind from their sails . So i direct the conversation to where i need it to be and tell of the deceit i have been through by others claiming to be my Star and how i fell for so many words that they used to confess a never dying love for me all the while never being full of emotions but full of lies the entire time . Then i demand proof of the truth of who they are , they send passports that has been doctored believing you will believe their lie , even provide video chat except for the issues , on my end nonetheless, of computer and or cell phone interruptions so each call is incomplete and the only time you miss their call that they have made to you despite their busy schedule of touring and plane rides from here to there , how dare i miss their call. Of course i was there the phone rang half a ring then fell silent again , never following up with a text stating "tried to call but you were busy babe will call back later" love you . This is true and it has happened to me many times but with that said the last three persons wanting to deceive me i only played along to see where they was trying to take the conversation though i must confess that i always spoke my truth of the feelings i have for a certain entertainer. Alright if i am ever going to get this out to the public so that the Star of my heart can see what is happening to his #1 fan from Kentucky , then i must say the persons name. Please do not judge me in being a fool or for being so naive . Love sometimes clouds the minds eye and it can be over powering to every aspect of ones hope and dreams and gives rise to a faith that one may say is like that of the faith we have for our God, whom ever you choose that to be ok.. Dermot Kennedy is the person that these peoples have convinced me , or try to convince me that they were. These predators stalk the Star and other Stars, i know this for a fact, this is not just hearsay. Anyways, these persons are so determined to obtain whatever it is that they want that they have stalked me and others on the person they will pretend to be social media and lock in on the one who has posted and commented the most on the sites that they are scoping out and they will then make a double account with the entertainers name stating that it is the site they want to connect with their fans and that management is controlling the other sites which in fact the PR of the entertainer is running multiple sites for the Entertainer , anyways they prey on the emotions of the fans and believe me i have reported them everyone to someone of authority but those sites and emails but be fakes as well because i have never had anyone follow up on my complaints it is as if they read the email or voice mail and say "well there is another fool who fell for the most popular scam that is running the internet these days. " And nothing is done about it .

when will i ever learn....

[galsource75]

Finding myself after realizing i am lost within time not space.

I sat and i wondered on things that worried my mind to a point that just was not fair to my heart. There was my minds guilt of a past that would not set me free . It tried to break me from destiny's charms. I allowed fear to sneak through an unguarded window . There it whispered of memories forgotten for a time. Tearing at my souls loving amor, causing weakness enough to rise guilt from the prison that i created , so i could hide it away for as long as i needed it to be. Remembering actions taken too late and knowing i failed at the most important role of my life, being a mother and being a friend . That moment my hearts ache begin to wash away the painted over walls that concealed a sorrow i did not dare to acknowledge believing the pain would destroy all i held on to of a life i should have fought for till my last breath and never reaching growth from one of this life's lessons. Instead i was there wailing and trashing about as if some other soul could shine a light through the darken alleyway of my guilt and rescue me from my own creations despair. Then Love came and Awakened my souls memories and then i knew all this pain and all of my guilt was a creation from myself , it was my first step into self-forgiveness and self-love. I finally felt the first rays of Love and Light and began to see me as the creator of my living souls destiny and it was i who could control the outcome of my happiness in this life, or i could live a life consumed by guilt and judgement . i had created the life i was living and i decided to give some purpose to it , and change it for the good . I still have doubts try to creep in but it is i who decides to keep the doubt swimming around or to kick it out of my pool of serenity . I kick it out everytime .