gambinosspotlessmind

[gambinosspotlessmind]

i don't know if it's good or bad that i haven't felt cold feet yet. it will probably come as it moves towards end of year. i finished the community centre at 1pm today and went home. kit was working from home but i noticed her ingrown fingernail was now fully swollen. oh shit, talked her in to letting me take her to the doctors.. turns out the ingrown was building puss so we had to go to the emergency room to drain the liquid. drove her to the hospital at 430pm and we finally walked out 1030pm to a transferal for her to see the surgeon tomorrow at 9am. im glad i talked her into going doctors but maaaaaan at the same time it kinda sucked having the early day end the way it did. don't get me wrong im happy to do that for her. she needed me. but it be nice if it happened during work hours. LOL sigh

[gambinosspotlessmind]

moving from apartment to home is honestly so draining

[gambinosspotlessmind]

Wanted, needed, prayed

It's weird to think back on who I thought I wanted. Who I thought I needed. Who I prayed for. And now who I have with me. Four different times in my life I loved different people. As me & my love approach 5 years I’m ready to pop her the question.  

In the timeline who I wanted was who I met first. I was teenager maybe 16-17. That’s when I met, who I thought I wanted. She was so cool getting to know. She was a courageous soul. I felt like, I could be myself around her but at the same time I hadn’t figured out who I really was at that point. I tried to be this guy I thought she would think is cool. I think it was because I felt like she was out of my league. And like I said, I hadn’t figured out who I was yet.  

Who I thought I needed. She was who I thought would make me become the better version of myself. I was 22. She was a kind soul. She was a nurse and an active member of her church community. I felt like, she was the ideal woman my mum would want for me. And that I needed her to get back a part of myself I had lost. The trouble was even if I got that part of myself I had lost, I was a different person now. It was tiring trying to be that guy.

Who I prayed for. I learned so much about myself I couldn’t wait to share who I was when I met her. She was who I prayed for. I was 24. She was a caring soul. But she didn’t love me. I think she could have but I was never sure. It hurt thinking I wasn't enough.

Who I have with me. My love. My everything. She’s my soul mate. I’m 31 now and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I can be my truest self around her. She makes me the best person I can be, and continues to make me want to be even more. It’s never tiring coming home. She is my home. I’ve never felt more loved in my life. I hope she feels the same way she makes me feel. I love her. I really do. My love is all I have ever wanted, my love is all I ever needed, my love is all I prayed for. My love is the realest person I never could have imagined. I’m going to marry her.

[gambinosspotlessmind]

I knew my brother was going to move out sometime soon. But the fact that he moved put without saying goodbye to ma kinda hurts my heart for her. I'm living with Kit and he's living with his girlfriend. Ma is living in a two story house by herself now. I need to make the conscious effort to check in more often now. I hope ma is okay.

[gambinosspotlessmind]

The fact that he ghosted all of us 10 years ago for his relationship to me is fucked up. What? Now that he 'accidentally' cheated on her & their (her) friends aren't speaking to him he wants to reach out? Get fucked. I don't mind if you reached out because you wanted to, but you're only reaching out because of the choices of your actions. You have no friends left is not a good enough reason for me. I will not be a 'default' choice. I choose to let you fucking rot. I just hate that Kit is willing to look pass all of those facts. He doesn't deserve her kindness.

[gambinosspotlessmind]

I want to support my girlfriend in whatever she wants to do. But I do not believe certain people are worth her time. I get that she wants to help them, but even still I don't believe they've earned her kindness. I deeply want her to not pursue reviving that relationship but I don't want to keep her from doing it. I don't want her to get hurt.

[gambinosspotlessmind]

I am the wingman of wingmans. Don’t @ me.  But bro didn’t want to fly. What a fucking idiot. 

[gambinosspotlessmind]

My mrs just got promoted and is now making six figures. DAAAAAAAAYUM GIRRRRRRRRRRL. 

[gambinosspotlessmind]

I've got a team project coming up and at first my team had a concept that was i'd say medium pricy but the idea was solid. Only one person from our team didn't like it because they didn't like it. Everyone else was on board but since this one person didn't like it we all for some reason catered to their whims and decided on a different project. It was significantly cheaper but the amount of utilisation was also significantly lower than the spectrum we had to work with within the original concept. EVEN STILL, this one member didn't like the part that was assigned to them and forcibly swapped one of our internationals to exchange roles. This really rubbed me the wrong way cos we changed the whole thing in the first place for them and now with the new concept they still complain. Wtf? Anyway, I made the mistake of asking if theres anything specific I need to bring. And this bitch CC'D my message and added a list of things SHE needs for the role she took from the international. It mean she legit does nothing and gets all the credit. Bruh what the fuck. Am i gonna have to fight you? The audacity and disrespect I don't think I can handle much longer. It be different if it was sly and no one knew what she was doing, but its fucking obvious and its clearly not slick. Bitch is lacking.

[gambinosspotlessmind]

‘where’s my mind?’ ‘where’s my mind?’ ‘

[gambinosspotlessmind]

I'm not sure if everyone will understand this problem. But the whole, 'who makes the next batch of rice' is the reason for this post.

The simple answer is if you finish the rice you make the next batch right? Well, what happens when the person who could have finished it, decides to not and leave a little serving so the next person has to do it?

I don't vibe w that technicality. If you leave a sliver I will still eat it but don't expect me to make the next batch. That's a bullshit loophole. You can't say you're hangry because you had to wait for the rice to cook because that's exactly how I felt. Fair is fair.

..... It's unfair that you expect me to apologise when you know you left me next to nothing when you could've small bowled the remainder and made a new batch yourself. The Injustice of rice.

[gambinosspotlessmind]

Sometimes I’d like the same courtesy in how I treat you. I asked you if you wanted to do something and even came up w an idea for a date night and you couldn’t even tell me you’re staying out longer than expected? Fuck sake. I always message you if I’m going to be later than expected. I even text you through out the day when I’m out so I’m not leaving you all lonely to show I think about you? It would be nice if you did that for me sometimes you know? Cos fuck sake it’s a little annoying ngl. I fucking love you. But fuck sake you really test my patience my love. 

[gambinosspotlessmind]

A lot of my main group are now engaged or already married so after the last wedding I thought to myself what my actual guestlist would look like. I ended up writing out a draft list of who I think I would want at my wedding and I showed it to Kit. She laughed that I did it and said ‘You need to propose to me first.’ YEAH YEAH I KNOW. BUT LOOK AT THE LIST BUBBA! WHAT DO YA RECKON????? hahaha 

[gambinosspotlessmind]

I honestly don't know if I want to continue playing on Sundays anymore after what happened last week. I have a huge suspicion that one of my mates could be closet gay. But that's not the issue at all.

The issue I had with last week was that he drank too much & aired out his dirty laundry infront of everyone. I felt uncomfortable af. The fucked up thing is I was the only one listening to his drunken antics? Apparently everyone wasn't paying him any attention because 'He does that all the time.' Bro wtf you mean he does it all the time???? Have you guys never thought to ask him about his actions? Maybe he's trying to tell you something?? Maybe he needs you guys to help him through something?? I told Kit about what happened & she either doesn't believe me or doesn't care... I sort of get her pov cos she doesnt know these guys but it's annoying that she can't just humour me when I listen to her boring af work stories?? Its not like I know her workmates you know?

Kit did say though she wants me to drop asking all the boys about it. She thinks maybe they're all not ready to address what happened. I get that perspective, i do. i get the idea of keeping it personal or trying to ignore it, but thats not me. He fucking aired out his dirty laundry infront of me. I don't want to be invovled but now I am because I am concerned. Maybe he wants to tell you guys but you cowards aren't ready to hear it? Fuck man.

I fucking hate this. I honestly am thinking of stepping away from all of them till they sort this shit out. Ya'll fucking pathetic. Your boy needs help. It is not my place to talk to him cos I don't know him like you all do. It's your responsibility to check on his wellbeing. Sunday is getting closer & I haven't decided what I want to do.

[gambinosspotlessmind]

it lowkey annoys me how indecisive my girlfriend is. “Should I put the food in this container or this container?”  Love, as long as it fits I could not give a damn. Please just make a decision. 

[gambinosspotlessmind]

Honestly, there’s part of me that is thinking about Alexis. Unsurprisingy not about fond memories. I thought I would miss her but I don’t. I think just goes to show how much I didn’t get out of our friendship. I hope as it gets closer to Christmas she remembers me and gets broken up about it. I know it’s mean and petty. But I don’t think I can forgive her. 

[gambinosspotlessmind]

Things have been good since my last post. I remember at the time thinking I was going to rip his head off when we next spoke, but I ended up trying to hear his perspective. Mind you, it didn’t help his case. But I got to understand him internally I guess. Dude just has too many high expectations of himself and me telling him his feelings are fucked up probably wouldn’t help. It was a good to talk things through with him though. I think there's some indirect awkwardness between us though. 

Had this weird thing happen to me where an old friend from like my church days asked to meet up. We had a mutual friend of ours pass away which made me think that was the reason to him reaching out. I said yes but as the day to meet up came closer he asked me if he could bring another friend to the catch up? Confused the shit out of me. I knew the other friend he was bringing and have no bad blood with him or whatever but you don’t ask to have coffee then say your bringing in another mate for the same catch up? The fuck? What a fucking social retard. I ended up bailing last second. I told one of my mates in my group who knows of both the two but never hung out with them if that makes sense? We laughed about it and decided fuck that and to just grab a beer and hangout together instead. 

Lastly, I ended up hanging out with another friend of mine. We lost touch over the years but started becoming mates again through sport. I mentioned to him it’s bout time we caught up outside of sport. We traded stories about when we use to chill as teenagers / how we are now that we both have partners. Funnily his stories are similar to mine in a way. We both were in the church youth group once upon a time; and it was weird hearing how me leaving influenced his duration in the community too. I’ve never been someone who tries to say one thing and not practise the same ideals myself. It was weird hearing him say he respected how I held myself unlike some in the community who preached but did explicit things while serving. It was nostalgic to talk about but the one thing I feel like I gained from catching up with him was that our brotherhood type of feels was still there. I think I’ma try to chill with him more. I honestly missed vibing with him.