garbagegallerie

[garbagegallerie]

A Journal is Not Enough, I Must Put Myself on Blast.

I felt the urge to write and process things, so I thought "why not take the opportunity to publicly humiliate myself?" ...but it's not a kink I swear....I think?

Anyways, this year has been a blast right? ha ha ha...

But forreal though, i used to have a blog for me to do this, and I got rid of it, and now I miss it - so tumblr it is.

I've been wanting to reflect on things but its hard to get myself to sit down and do it. Even now i'd rather be numbing my mind with music videos about numbing the mind because theres some comfort and stimulation in that somehow. Annnyways - I am "Home for the Holidays"....omg let me set the scene. But where to begin?

I'm "home" and it's the holidays - is maybe more accurate. But I actually live in my van. A dream 12 yrs in the making finally come true! Only as I was on my way "home"....for "the holidays" (hopefully you'll understand in a bit why the "") - my van was hit with a tire, jamming my front door shut. Then later down the road my serpentine belt broke (possibly a result of the tire impact) - stranding me in South Carolina. This was the day before Thanksgiving. It was a new moon...I was on a road called Lynches River in Lynchburg...darkest, scariest, most insane night of my life. It was a dark night of the soul. Not only was I stranded as a solo black female vanlifer off a complete and utterly desolate exit in the middle of the night the day before a holiday in a potentially dangerously racist area. But I realized that night that I DIDN"T have AAA Roadside like I thought...and somehow I only had 33 dollars in my bank account. I'm shaking just thinking about it. I had the most severe panic attack i've ever experienced. Annnnd I also had a bunch of "ouid" I had to scatter into the bushes because I was not in a "green state".

Ok - that's obviously not the end of the story - but i'm having residual panics and I gotta go... Stay tuned!