gargoylebinch

[gargoylebinch]

look this is getting nowhere how about we just agree to disa- *remembers I should exploit any possible situation to my advantage* if you don't take me to the Monterey bay aquarium I'm going to start screaming

[gargoylebinch]

i was seeing all these little blue flowers everywhere and kept thinking "dang what are these bitches, i can't remember..." well guess what. they were fuckin forget-me-nots. can't believe i failed step fucking 1, the hot girls on iNaturalist are going to laugh at me and i'm gonna flunk out of hobby botany school.

[gargoylebinch]

[gargoylebinch]

encountering an inconvenience while cold: damn that sucks, oh well, i’ll figure something else out!!

encountering an inconvenience while hot: we all deserve to die right now, come on everyone, lets all go die

[gargoylebinch]

bro last night was totally redacted! last night was fully expunged from the record. bro, do you... can you remember last night? what did we do...? what did... did we hurt someone? bro? why won't you look at me? what did I do...? whose blood is this...? bro...?

[gargoylebinch]

everyone trying to minimise their intake of microplastics is going to be so mad when we invent the blood filter that can extract it and everyone who was plasticmaxxing gets a cool toy made from their poison blood as a souvenir

[gargoylebinch]

The Pope, desperate to avoid ever interacting with JD Vance again, went to the one place the Vice President couldn't follow: heaven.

[gargoylebinch]

[gargoylebinch]

[gargoylebinch]

Noooooo they retconned Star Wars Jizz

[gargoylebinch]

I'm in your house picking your shy, uptight man like a lock.

[gargoylebinch]

every morning my gf makes me come with her to check on the sinkhole that's opened up in our parking lot

[gargoylebinch]

[gargoylebinch]

i really enjoy looking through reddit threads related to death metal because the replies sound like a groupchat for cartoon villains

[gargoylebinch]

Double XP apples & oranges weekend at the grocery store.

[gargoylebinch]