gaylildemon - Tumblr blog

[gaylildemon]

More of a headcanon than a meta but we’ll call it both

I was thinking about how in the unwritten sequel Neil said Aziraphale was hopping around to different hotels to get the free two minutes of porn and complete his notes on the porno.

My silly little HC/Meta on why he was doing that in the first place:

So we know Neil had to separate them for season 3/the unwritten sequel to work. That’s why everything happened the way it did in season 2. Let’s say it was always going to be with a fight/misunderstanding.

My theory is that when Aziraphale comes back to Earth, he isn’t able to make up with Crowley as easily as he used to. This was a big spat and he essentially made Crowley feel (intentionally or not) like he needed to change his very essence in order to be worthy of Aziraphale.

So they’re each chasing down Jesus or whatever happens in season 3. Aziraphale ends up in a hotel, and stumbles on a porno where the actors seemed to have a fight or are angry at one another and cue the make up foreplay/sex. Aziraphale begins taking notes.

In season 2 we saw them both completely misunderstand and try to enact romance tropes so…

Now I’m not saying Aziraphale explicitly ravages Crowley in season 3. That doesn’t make sense.

I’m saying he puts on the Michael Sheen screw eyes or even tries pinning him against a wall or some other weird thing he saw in the porno (wall pinning is something Crowley did to him before anyway) or whatever move seems “appropriate” and then Crowley is even more grumpy and goes something like “what in heaven are you doing angel???!”

[gaylildemon]

real talk though the reason people do this is because when a character starts from a baseline that reads as “good” and does something that doesn’t align with it, they’re judged a lot more harshly than when a “bad” character does something they’re expected to do.

terry and neil: shades of grey shades of grey shades of grey, people are perfectly imperf—

people: aziraphale is TERRIBLE how could he

[gaylildemon]

terry and neil: shades of grey shades of grey shades of grey, people are perfectly imperf—

people: aziraphale is TERRIBLE how could he

[gaylildemon]

Okay, folks. The dueling Good Omens metas are starting to get mean, and I'd like to see that stop, please. It's unpleasant, and not what a goodhearted fandom should be.

Let's try an experiment. For one week, when you see a meta you disagree with, you roll your eyes and scroll past it. You do not comment. You do not reblog to contradict. You especially do not reblog to snark.

Same goes for us meta-ists. Somebody contradicts us? We let it go.

It's a meta for a TV show, okay? It's not something to be mean to someone over -- especially since that models poor behavior for other fans, and even turns away new folks from the fandom.

Be good, please. Not pretend good. Proper good.

[gaylildemon]

Wait what the hell is Aziraphale mouthing here. Lip-readers sound off!!

This is RIGHT before "The Metatron! I don't think he's as bad a fellow - well I think I might have misjudged him."

His line was: "I, um... [mouthing something]" THEN the above line.

This can't be nothing. Can it? "We need to get out"??? Not sure. EDIT: I agree with @maximumpenguinpuppy here, I think he's saying

"WE NEED HELP."

Further deep dive on the most painful conversation I've ever seen:

Azi makes the most INTENSE EYE CONTACT I'VE EVER SEEN during "I think I might have misjudged him."

"PLEASE HEAR WHAT I AM SAYING TO YOU RIGHT NOW."

After a few intercuts with the flashbacks we get to the really painful bit.

"He said that I could appoint you... to be an angel." His voice is so strained and high pitched even for him, here.

"Like the old times, only even NICER!"

The super nice old times where you couldn't be together at all, eh?

Crowley starts his confession and we get the "What the blazes is he doing?" face as he starts to realize Crowley is NOT picking up on any of this. Azi's breathing heavily here, revealing how very stressed the fuck out he is.

After this point is when things get really hard to interpret. Aziraphale sounds so genuine about "Come with me!" and "We can make a difference, I'll run it and you'll be my second in command." It feels like Crowley starting his very real confession broke through the charade of 'The Metatron knows something and we're in fucking danger'.

He blathers about Angels and Doing Good before breaking again, letting the "I need you!" slip. We get this HALF A SECOND look of the most profound sadness right before the "I don't think you understand what I'm offering you."

"You idiot. We could have been us."

Azi looks like he can't believe just how badly this went. This is right before he looks away.

OH NO NOW I'VE SEEN CROWLEY'S FACE RIGHT WHEN HE STARTS TO GO OVER FOR THE KISS AH MY FEELS

Azi is not hiding his emotions well, right before the grab:

Then of course we get the I Forgive You, which sounds like his most bitter one yet. A flash of anger and resentment, frustration, immediately followed by remorse and grief.

Having seen all that, my best guess now is:

Metatron made the (barely) veiled De Facto Partnership threats, implying he knows about the body swap and, implicitly, threatening Crowley with Holy Water, at least to some extent.

Aziraphale tries his damnedest to communicate to Crowley that Something is Fucking Wrong and they Have to Go to Heaven to Fix It.

Crowley, having been primed by the various chats with Nina and then the 2v1 chat with Nina and Maggie RIGHT before this, clearly timed by the Metatron, fully misses all of this and takes it all at face value.

Crowley starts to give his confession and Aziraphale realizes what he's trying to say, tries to adjust his Heaven Pitch to hinge on staying together as a team to fix things."

"You cannot leave this bookshop." "Nothing lasts forever." Azi has chosen the worst way to make another attempt at saying he has no choice but to leave the bookshop. I don't think this is about the Second Coming, given his reaction to the info later.

Everything deteriorates from there as Aziraphale tries again to imply something is Fucking Wrong by going back to the "Angels! Doing good!" shtick, but it's too late. It's always too late.

"I don't think you understand what I'm offering you." He doesn't but Azi is also communicating it very badly, likely because the Metatron is indeed watching.

Crowley thinks this is all real so he gives his No Nightingales line, etc etc. Aziraphale can tell there's no fixing this, gives up.

Crowley swoops in with The Kiss as a last ditch effort to get Azi to listen. Azi WAS listening, but cannot respond other than in anger and frustration that Crowley, in his view, refuses to listen to him again, has called him an idiot again. This happens multiple times throughout the show so there's history to fuel that assumption.

This is the precise outcome the Metatron was vying for, to split them up and emotionally/psychologically weaken them, to ensure there was no chance of a united front as there was for Armageddidn't.

My heart hurts, ow.

[gaylildemon]

THEY WERE SO INSANE FOR THIS

[gaylildemon]

ya’ll Crowley and Aziraphale are not going to become stars in the night sky (Alpha Centauri AB). it’s a doctor who reference and symbolism for how they orbit one another, separate entities meant to be together. we know how the show ends (south downs cottage). I can pretty confidently say that pratchett would NEVER take away the autonomy of two beloved characters like that, I promise. I’ve never read a book of his that didn’t have a satisfying ending or where he didn’t treat the characters to lovely character development and endings that felt earned. It will be okay!!

vimes was a drunk that started out literally in a gutter and then became the richest man in the city

magrat went from a naive young girl to a queen

cheery was able to break out of the confines of dwarf perceptions of gender and be her true self

I could go on and probably will later

But pratchett wasn’t a poet. He looked for the most interesting, funny, and meaningful outcomes for his characters and their development.

[gaylildemon]

Okay so, I'm getting increasingly confused over the timeline of when Aziraphale and Crowley have met over the ages.

Since I'm writing a S3 fic with lots of flashbacks, I figured that I needed to have a concrete and canon timeline so I don't end up accidentally writing a meeting when there shouldn't be one (ie when Crowley was asleep in the 14th century), and I cannot for the life of me find one that has S2 in it so I present to you:

The Nice and Accurate (hopefully) Timeline of Aziraphale & Crowley and their many meetings throughout the ages.

By Yeahthatswhatimtolkienabout.

Pls let me know if I've missed anything.

Before time was invented - God created the universe.

Before the Beginning - Our dynamic duo meet for the first time, as Crowley creates a Nebula with Aziraphale's help.

After The Beginning (the bible never gave dates for this kinda thing) - Crowley saunters vaguely downwards towards hell with the others who are cast out.

4004 B.C. - Eve is tempted by the Demon Crowley (in snake form) to eat the forbidden fruit. This is the first time we see Crowley in his demon form and the first time he (as a demon) meets Aziraphale.

3004 B.C, Mesopotamia - OI SHEM! Aziraphale and Crowley meet and watch as Noah gathers the animals two by two onto the ark.

2500 B.C, Uz - Aziraphale and Crowley work together to save Job's children from being killed. Aziraphale lies to heaven and fears he will be taken to hell. Bildad the Shuite is a babe.

33 A.D., Golgotha - Aziraphale and Crowley witness the crucifixion of Jesus. Crowley remarks that he 'showed Jesus the kingdoms of Earth'.

41 A.D., Rome - Aziraphale tempts Crowley to Oysters.

537 A.D., the Kingdom of West Essex - Knight of the table round, Sir Aziraphale encounters Crowley as the Black Knight. This is where the 'deal' is first raised.

1301 A.D - 1400 A.D - Crowley sleeps through the 14th century

1601 A.D The Globe Theatre, London - Aziraphale and Crowley meet at a production of Hamlet. They have been participating in the 'deal' for some time now.

1650 A.D - Aziraphale does the apology dance for the first time.

1793 A.D, Paris, France - Aziraphale is about to be beheaded, but Crowley intervenes and saves him.

1800 A.D Soho, London - Aziraphale opens his bookshop and Crowley successfully prevents him from returning to heaven at Gabriel's orders, by fooling him with some mannequins.

1827 A.D Edinburgh - Crowley and Aziraphale meet Elspeth, a body snatcher, and are caught up in her endeavours.

Aziraphale then does not see Crowley until...

1862 A.D London's St. James Park - Crowley asks Aziraphale for Holy Water, as a 'just in case'. Appalled, Aziraphale leaves.

1941 A.D London - Aziraphale is caught up in a bait and switch with some Nazis. He is rescued by Crowley. One thing leads to another and Aziraphale is a magician in a show, the Nazi's become Zombies and to cut a long story short, it ends with the pair dining together.

1967 A.D Soho, London - Crowley meets Crowley Lance Corporal Shadwell and plans to steal Holy Water from a church. Hearing of this, Azirapahle appears to him in his Bentley and delivers a flask of it to him.

2008 A.D Soho, London - Crowley and Aziraphale meet to discuss the Antichrist and plan to become his godparents to raise him as a 'normal' child, neither influenced by heaven or hell.

2008 A.D - 2019 A.D - Crowley disguises himself as Nanny Ashtoreth and Aziraphale, as the Gardener Brother Francis, and the two try to influence Warlock.

2019 A.D - The events of the first season of Good Omens happens, our pair prevent Armageddon and live happily ever... wait what, a second season?

2020 A.D - 2022 A.D - Lockdown happens. This is where the 'Lockdown' video takes place.

2023 A.D - Pain, otherwise known as Season 2, happens.

I really hope this helps some of you with fic planning and stuff. I was getting really confused over when they met and when certain things started happening, that I needed a record for myself - then thought I should share it!

Edited to add: Thank you for the comments, pointing out some things I've missed! I've added lots of them in now. I've only really included events where the two have met (either in show or in book), and have not added in the bits that Neil Gaiman has added (such as the Wild West scenes etc). If there is a script book for S2 and they are in there - I will come back and add them in.

For a timeline that goes over other significant events in their history, please check out the amended version by @graviitron - they've added some cool bits in there, so thank you! 🥰

[gaylildemon]

RIGHT, Good Omens folks, let’s talk blocking: the art of where you put your actors within the scene, in relation to others.

Season 1, Aziraphale is always on the right side, and Crowley is always on his left side. The only exceptions to this is in the Bentley, because of the steering wheel, and on the park bench during the switch.

Aziraphale expects Crowley to appear on his left too. At the Ark he still turns right when he feels an ethereal presence, only to turn left right away. Present day, when he’s eating sushi and Gabriel appears, he smiles, turns *left*, instantly realises it’s not that kind of ethereal visit, turns right with a bit of a panic.

Aziraphale right, Crowley left. Always. Right?

Season 2 switches this up. By a LOT.

[[MORE]]

It starts moment one in the coffee shop, blink and you’ll miss it: Aziraphale is sitting down, senses Crowley, *turns left*, only for Crowley to walk around the table *right*, and sit down. It’s a tiny moment, but it speaks so loudly on… well, Aziraphale’s assumptions. Which he has a lot of.

Everything is Meant. Douglas is too brilliant for this to be random. And it happens… so often?

I also find it very interesting that they added moments in history where Crowley is on the right side. Most particularly one where he definitely is *on* the moral right side. (‘Poverty is good actually’, really Aziraphale?)

Then there’s this scene, which, the Job flashback deserves a whole essay onto its own…

Then there’s the the fact that Crowley is always on Shax’s right, and she is always on his left.

And then there’s this!

Muriel is *always* on Crowley’s left.

It’s almost as if things aren’t as black and white as the system would want you to believe, ey, angel?

Bonus: Gabriel and Beelzebub start off their meetings on opposite sides of the table. They end sitting on the same side.

Anyhoo I love this show a VERY NORMAL AMOUNT please feel free, always, to scream at me about it.

[gaylildemon]

So I was thinking about what it means that Aziraphale is the POV character of all the season 2 flashbacks... until I realized that's not entirely true. Because while Edinburgh is narrated by him and the Blitz scene plays after he's reminded of it, there are two scenes in the Job story that Aziraphale wasn't there for.

First is the cold open with Bildad, but that sequence pretty quickly shifts over to follow Aziraphale, and we see him coming out of the memory.

But the second Job sequence starts more clearly as Crowley's memory:

Zoom into Crowley, zoom into the book.

So why does Crowley get this part? Why not just stick with Aziraphale the whole time? Well, if we follow the idea that the flashbacks are setting up for the decisions these two make at the end, Crowley's part here is small but decisive: This event is one of the big reasons why Crowley is never going back to Heaven. And Aziraphale doesn't get to be there for the biggest signs of it.

This sequence is also the last time Crowley was truly on his own. I think it's significant that whenever Aziraphale isn't there for him to taunt, Crowley is actually pretty cold, a little impatient. It doesn't feel like he's having fun tricking these people, he's just trying to get the job done.

Then we get the first of two unique transitions. It's a sort of shifting over:

My theory is this scene is where we start to switch over to Aziraphale's POV, but we still start out in Crowley's, because...

...we're just as surprised as Crowley is to find the angel here. But during the scene they literally switch sides of the room, and I think along with that we get the POV shift. We as the audience end up on Aziraphale's side as he's trying to believe the best in Crowley, while not really knowing.

What makes me more sure is that this scene ends with a different unique transition, a page turn:

I think here is where Aziraphale gets absorbed in the memory and Crowley leaves. When we get to the bit of the story where Crowley's being nice.

[gaylildemon]

I like to think of Crowley as a demisexual virgin. Like, obviously he appears on the surface to be sex on legs. He's the epitome of tall, dark and handsome. Plus, he's got that goddamn walk... And you know he's definitely had occasion. It would be nearly impossible for him to not have been propositioned at least once in 6,000 years, given his job.

Most of his existence has been spent in places where 'sin' breeds. Bars, bathhouses and brothels, just for a start, and we've seen that (at the very least) human women are attracted to him. (I.e. Nazi spy lady and also Mrs. Sandwich) But absolutely nothing can convince me that he has ever even considered sleeping with anyone who has propositioned him.

We all know he has a secret very romantic streak and I think that for him sensuality is likely very tied into that. The one person he's ever loved has been sitting to his left for millennia and if you think for one second that he'd want that sort of intimacy with anyone else, I'd say you're wrong. Who needs a one night stand when you can spend the evening drinking wine with your angel? However, if things between he and Aziraphale were to heat up, I'm certain that the eroticism that has eluded him for his entire existence would hit him and vavoom, it would all start to make sense. Also, this look?

[gaylildemon]

*me having a good day*

brain: “you go too fast for me Crowley” “I forgive you” “no nightingales”

*suddenly feeling the need to expel my stomach contents*

[gaylildemon]

The fact that Jimbriel is friendly and curious and brave is actually completely fucking heartbreaking because he's literally just Gabriel minus the influence of heaven.

[gaylildemon]

The fact that Jimbriel is friendly and curious and brave is actually completely fucking heartbreaking because he's literally just Gabriel minus the influence of heaven.

[gaylildemon]

yeah so what if Crowley both fell and vaguely sauntered downwards. I mean Neil said he’s an unreliable narrator about his own fall and Crowley’s mentioned both.

he saw he was fucked when the rebellion lost and angels started getting tossed out, so he just took the stairs down on his own, but then he tripped and fell the rest of the way.

[gaylildemon]

Interesting point there about the wall. It could be that hell didn’t know about how big of a deal the apple was. It could also be Crowley being an unreliable narrator again. We assume he met Aziraphale again for the first time post-fall on the wall, and they are on opposite sides, so he might not want to be that vulnerable yet. I kinda lean toward what you said though

GO Meta: Lucifer manipulated Crowley into rebelling.

This might seem pretty obvious given that in Christian lore Lucifer is charming, beautiful, and deceptive. But we can’t presume to know GO Lucifer just from the Milton and Bible extended universe canon.

What DO we know?

FurFur remembers Crowley in the Great War. (Note that this doesn’t mean that Crowley didn’t do everything he could to avoid actual fighting. We don’t know.)

Metatron says that Crowley was *always* asking his damn fool questions. Metatron gives a nasty look to Crowley during the final 15.

Crowley and Aziraphale met Before the Beginning, and this we can presume was the first time Crowley experienced doubt about God’s plan, and from the dialogue, the first time he went to ask questions. But not when he fell. He fought in the war, and apparently had a *habit* of asking questions, according to Metatron. We can also tell that Crowley was naive.

Crowley would rather run from heaven and hell than fix them.

Crowley was a powerful angel, and he started part of the universe. He can stop time.

Neil has said that Crowley is an unreliable narrator about his own fall.

Crowley describes his own fall “not so much as a fall, but as a vague saunter downwards”, that he “only asked questions”…but he also says he was hanging out with the wrong people - Lucifer and the gang.

Crowley is given extremely important roles in the Bible. He’s the serpent in the garden. He literally brings sin to mankind. If you were Satan, would you give the biggest jobs to someone who you didn’t trust or didn’t think was competent? Why does Satan trust Crowley with so much?

My theory?

Crowley asked questions and he didn’t get the answers he wanted. Maybe he even put in for a suggestion box. Lucifer, being pragmatic, uses this as fuel to get Crowley on his side. He’ll make things better, heaven needs new management, he’ll listen.

Except, things don’t go as planned. And when the angels are cast down, Hell is no better than heaven under Satan’s management.

Crowley was likely not only let down by God. He was lied to and let down by Lucifer. But at some point, Satan valued Crowley enough to give him the biggest roles to play.

While of course he trusts Aziraphale, if this ends up being true (which, imo, seems likely because I mean…the devil is known to lie, and demons are good liars, where do you think they learned it from if not from experience?) this gives a lot more context to Crowley’s flight response and his reactions to Aziraphale saying “if he were in charge, he could make a difference.” Crowley has been let down by old and new management, and he used to be like Aziraphale in thinking that Heaven could be better, even if he went about it in an entirely different way by rebelling openly.

I’m sure that Crowley’s role in the war and pre-fall is complicated and he probably didn’t do everything Lucifer thought he did - but again - what did Crowley convince Lucifer of that when he became Satan, he relied on him so much?

[gaylildemon]

i love how neil said crowley calling aziraphale "angel" isn't actually that endearing because it's like someone calling us "human". and we all collectively decided to completely ignore that