gaylorjupiter

[gaylorjupiter]

i hate that the person I want to gush the most about tonight is you

tonight was a night ive been dreaming about since i was a kid and I hate that the only person I want to tell about it is you but I can't and I'll never be able to because I wasn't good enough for you to change

is it ever gonna get better?

[gaylorjupiter]

nobody ever considers me

[gaylorjupiter]

im so sick of being the friend thats always choosen last and never being checked on

[gaylorjupiter]

i have to remember its not my friends jobs to drop whatever they're doing and respond to my messages even if my life feels like it's exploding

[gaylorjupiter]

it'd be so nice to have a friend that matches my energy and just makes people feel special and shit

its on me for thinking this birthday would be any different or that im important enough

[gaylorjupiter]

its like the honeymoon period of the breakup is over.

all that relief, joy, excitement is gone and now i just feel

empty, sad, broken

i just want to be okay again

[gaylorjupiter]

man breaking up with someone that hurt you for almost 3 years straight is such a surreal thing to be experiencing. I know I'm happier, I know it was the right thing to do, I've even had people tell me that it's so obvious I'm happier

but

i miss the good times, I miss her even, I'm afraid of all this change and im afraid of the future and there's a small

small

small

part of me that wishes I never said anything at all

[gaylorjupiter]

i did the right thing

[gaylorjupiter]

I'm finally ending things after 10 months of her promising to get better, to treat me better, her keeping none of those promises, and then threatening suicide after I asked for a day of space after she had hurt me again

i deserve better

[gaylorjupiter]

hahahaha I love trying to do a nice thing and then ordering normal oreos instead of double stuffed oreos so I've now ruined their night hahaha ha wow that's so fun and quirky and I love my life im so happy

[gaylorjupiter]

[gaylorjupiter]

[gaylorjupiter]

I'm just so exhausted with life and there's no where I can turn

[gaylorjupiter]

"I see you everywhere, in the stars, in the river, to me you're everything that exists; the reality of everything."

― Virginia Woolf, Night and Day

[gaylorjupiter]

I've rarely seen a more validating sentence in my entire life.

[gaylorjupiter]

how does one tell their girlfriend that you're insanely jealous of how much time they spend hanging out with their ex when they have perfectly normal and valid reasons every time and isn't actually doing anything wrong and you trust her completely without sounding like the annoying jealous girlfriend that can't handle her own feelings?

[gaylorjupiter]

at least i'm a lesbian