gaysidecharacter

[gaysidecharacter]

My supervisor Is so attractive… damn too bad I’m not straight enough to like see him romantically. I like tried the other day and I didn’t enjoy it 🧍🏻‍♀️ but he’s still soooooo attractive. Like my type honestly… and he’s like not a giant so yesterday when i was doing a training with him and a coworker we had to move the hood up and down since ya know… we’re all different heights. And well i have always wondered his height cause he isn’t 6ft definitely not. But he’s also not like 5 ft… cause thats me 🧍🏻‍♀️ and then i was like talking to him about work and we started to walk together and then during a moment of silence i was like “you’re 5’7 right?” And he just did this little laugh and sorry he sounded hot 🙄🖐🏻 and he was like “yes… yes i am.” And i was like “oh really?? I guess correctly???” And i was pretty happy about that because… i felt cool. But then it passed and we were in the elevator and he was like “so any weekend plans?” And i was like “oh yeah i have to move out of my old apartment and then my beds coming tomorrow so imma be busy all weekend…” and he was like “so you’re living solo then?” And i was like “as in… without my parents?” And he nodded his head and i was like “oh? Um yeah i live without my parents but i do have a roommate!” And then in the back of my head i was like um…. Weird fucking question and he was like “oh well my roommate is my step father” and i was like “oh?” Because um too much info i don’t wanna know about your personal life 😭🖐🏻 but that was weird… i don’t think he meant it that way… like in a weird way… but i was kinda like um… okay… listen… if he’s thinking something weird imma be correct about this whole all men cause… its almost always true… anyway. He’s still fine and he had tattoos and gauges so… yeah 🧍🏻‍♀️ my trainer was out ALL week though… so he was the only source of entertainment for me 🧎🏻‍♀️

[gaysidecharacter]

Also… my supervisor is still pretty hot… like he’s an attractive guy I don’t know what to say. He’s always so willing to help too and I appreciate it. And he is a guy I’m starting to see it a little more. And he did attempt to joke with me but i just prefer not joking around with guys period 💀 but he’s still nice. He did squeeze through a small space today and i laughed a little cause he was literally squished and i had no idea 💀💀💀 if i could though.. ugh gross. Anyway. The parking guy is still just as creepy. I completely ignored him today when i was walking with my girl coworker cause i like her she’s really nice and I thought she was closer in age to me but no 🧍🏻‍♀️ she’s 31. Ugh i swear where are the 20 y/o people at??? But the parking guy did try to say hi but i pretended I didn’t see him and just went on my way being happy that I didn’t have to see his creepy smile. My trainer is out all week… didn’t get to tease her at ALL which sucks but its fine… at least my supervisor was there to entertain me. The cage wash guy is actually 30 and i could tell… but he found out i was 20 and he chilled out way more. Thank GOD. At least he’s a normal person… now we just talk about work and sometimes we joke but its just like little things nothing like weird how it was before. The other cage wash guy thats like 26 he’s chill… he talks just enough to not be rude but not like talk talk to me and I appreciate it so much?? My coworker that started with me is lagging a little behind… but i think its just this week. Hopefully. Cause it would suck if he quit… cause then the person i started with would be gone and he’s the only one thats somewhat close to my age… 23 actually.

[gaysidecharacter]

No cause… my best friend is literally my platonic soulmate… like i have never felt so platonically for someone yet been willing to give so much time and energy?? Like sometimes I’ll do things with her that i can only truly enjoy with her. If i do it with others its just not the same as when its with her. And i genuinely enjoy all of our time together. We’re mostly a long distance friendship but we literally are able to pick up like nothing happened because we text basically daily. And its all day everyday or just once in a while. There’s no pressure with us to respond right away so i never feel suffocated by her or like if I don’t respond I’m a bad friend. Of course i have friends that i just leave on delivered for like… ever. But if i get a text from her i almost always respond as soon as i have time. And there’s just no pressure?? And its so nice? Of course I don’t have feelings for her let me say that. I know it REALLY sounds like it but genuinely i don’t feel anything romantic for her like… in our entire time knowing each other. And like… its just so… like thats my best friend. If we were to stop being friends i would probably be so upset because I literally go to her for everything and she understands me the most out of everyone. And when we’re together we’re just constantly laughing and having a nice time and we have the same hobbies so its always a fun time… and at one point we were livi together and it was so nice… we would wake up and watch the miraculous tales of lady bug and cat noir because season 4 was airing and it was just so good and we would make ourselves breakfast and just enjoy each others company. It was just… nice? And there was no annoyance with each other just an understanding and we just… thats my best friend and I don’t think i can call anyone else my best friend the way i call her my best friend.

[gaysidecharacter]

No cause… my supervisor is getting REAL comfortable with me and its… weird… he walked in today asking how i was doing and he said “GREAT!” But then he was like “no I’m just kidding” and i was like “huh?” And he had to explain that he was joking and that he was saying great when he hadn’t even heard my response yet and i was like oh… okay… it was weird. And then he like… idk he’s just getting comfortable and i don’t like it. And he’s just… idk… he like is in my space a lot more now… and i get it because he’s showing me something but as soon as he’s done… he can leave my space. Like… get away from me. He’s attractive but also get away.

[gaysidecharacter]

No cause… my supervisor? Yeah hes kinda attractive?? Like usually idc about guys at ALL like literally its so rare for a guy to catch my eye. But he’s so nice and then he has guages and his style is cool and he has a nice face and like… he’s just attractive really. Like he’s an attractive guy. So now i have my trainer and my supervisor to look at. Ofc I’m SO MUCH more into my trainer than my supervisor. My supervisor i see more like… oh okay hes my supervisor and he’s really helpful. But my trainer. I want to hug her and lean on her and be touchy with her and tease her and just get closer with her.

[gaysidecharacter]

No cause… i don’t know if i like her or if i just like flirting with girls… like… joking around with them and seeing them get flustered or their little smiles… like yeah… its a fun little banter. But i keep thinking of her… so maybe its because i have no one else to banter with? But i just realized today that she’s left handed. But i like seeing her. And i like… seeing her eyes… they’re so soft brown… i just want to be held by her 🧎🏻‍♀️ instead of her cuddling her cat she can cuddle me 🙄🖐🏻 but she’s so much older… ugh why couldn’t she be younger??? Like… she’s someone i wouldn’t mind hanging out with… and when it felt like she was inviting me out for boba? She wasn’t but like… she was telling me about some places that i should try and i was like hmmm maybe I’ll go and she was like now i want some boba actually… and i was like you should get some! I would have definitely invited myself just because i would with someone closer to my age. But… then… I remembered our age gap and i was like dangit… what grown person wants to hangout with a kid? And then i just kinda minded my business. And then when i was asking her about herself she was like “I’m not used to people asking me questions” and i was like “oh… yeah I’m nosy…” and she was like “its fine” but… ugh. I want to talk to her more at work but its so solo work that i never run into her unless she comes to me specifically… i want someone else to like… that way it won’t feel weird to like… be interested and have my mind completely taken by them… cause they’ll be closer to my age.

[gaysidecharacter]

No cause… I’ve been interested in three girls total here… the most recent one… tell me why she’s so pretty? Like i never noticed but her smile its so sweet… and her eyes are a soft light brown color. Its so warm… and i think about what it would feel like to embrace her… and when she’s next to me i just want to lean my head on her…. Her eyes just get to me… the worried look… they get so big it’s actually cute… or when i tease her and she has that smile on her face where she acts like she’s annoyed but really she’s having just as much fun as me? I just want to talk about her to everyone all the time… who knew i would feel this way towards her. Its so wrong because of our age gap… i know it’ll pass and nothing will come of it. But the way i feel about her is so pure… it makes me feel warm inside…

[gaysidecharacter]

I feel a slump coming again and i literally hate it… might skip my 8 am… honestly… I don’t even care what i get on my exams anymore… i just want to pass… and get this over with. And she… SHE NEEDS TO JUST. Ugh. Why couldn’t she have liked me back? So we could slowly just… become closer and just enjoy each others company? But no. Or actually not even like me back. Why can’t she just stay single? Like… i don’t care if we’re just friends. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOU AND HER INTERACTING. When i do… i get so angry? I literally want to make jabs at you to make myself feel better which… isn’t right? Like i want to be there for you always. I care about you. But… knowing just that you’re even INTERESTED in her??? It upsets me. Maybe its me being jealous… but it upsets me so much to the point where i don’t even want to look at you. If anything i want to ignore you. And for a long period of time. And just wait for my anger to leave. And in that moment that I’m angry if you were to come to me with family problems… because ours are so similar… i might just turn you away. Tell you to go to her instead. Maybe she’ll be there for you. I want to emotionally hurt you… and that scares me. Cause i never want to not be there for you. I don’t know if I’ll be able to if I’m in one of my moods… i want to joke around with you but if I’m still in my moods… you keep texting me. Please stop. I actually don’t feel good. I want to talk to you about it because you told me to. But… part of the reason I don’t feel good is probably because of you.

[gaysidecharacter]

We literally spent almost all of spring break together? It’s actually messing with my head at this point… and then when i realized I wasn’t going to see her for like 4 days straight i was sad? And we still ended up seeing each other? And we just spend time together? Like all the time? But she only sees me as her best friend… which… SUCKS but i also love being her friend but someone i do just want to like hug and kiss her and hold her hand… and funny story actually… she thought i was upset with her? Like yesterday she was helping me study for a stats exam which is fine and we had a nice time and we laughed and as usual i called her annoying and told her I didn’t like her and then when she left i just continued studying and then i realized she never texted me that she made it home so i was like oh maybe because she doesn’t want me to mess up my focus right now. And i checked her location after some time just to make sure she was okay because i thought she would have at least checked up on me but her location was off so i was like huh?? And i texted her and well she was asleep already so i was like dang… and i left it at that! And this morning she texted me she made it and i asked if she could help me study to which she said yes and then when we sat down together she was like “bro not gonna lie… for two seconds last night i thought you hated me” and i was like “huh?? What do you mean?” And she was like “well last night i know i was being kind of annoying but I honestly just took everything as a jokey joke even when you told me to get out like i was just like oh she’s joking she doesn’t actually want me gone” and i was like “oh? Okay???” And then she was like “but then i LEFT and thats when i was like whoa… whats going on?” And i was like “I’m confused?” And she was like “well i said alright bro I’m heading out and you just said ‘alright’ and let me leave and you didn’t say no ‘text me when you make it’ or watch me get in my car and you just let me walk out and locked that door” and i laughed because i was just thinking about my exam and i told her “i thought you knew to text me when you made it! I did think it was weird that you didn’t text me when you did but i assumed you just wanted me to stay focused! Plus i did text you???” And she was like “NO i waited to see if i got a text. It takes 10 MINUTES to get home and you texted me a whole 40 MINUTES after i even got home” and i was like “huh??? It was 40 minutes??” And she was like “YES. And i thought I actually pissed you off and that you didn’t want to talk to me and i was going to give you your space and not bother you today” and i was like “HUH??? I literally was just studying and thinking about my exam?? I only texted you because your location was off” and she was like “no cause now I’m sick to my stomach… if it was on you would have just NOT TEXTED ME?” And i was like “huh?? So if I hadn’t texted you today to meet me you would have not texted me all day? Until i texted you first?” And she was like “YES I didn’t want to upset you more?? Plus I didn’t wat to get myself hurt?” And i was like “right… well I wasn’t gonna meet you or think of texting you today… like maybe late at night but not throughout the day cause i was gonna be busy” and she was like “no cause that doesn’t make me feel better???” And i was like “well I wasn’t upset with you yesterday at all? I didn’t think you payed attention to that?” And i laughed and she was like “well it was a complete switch??? No text? No let me know when you make it no watching me get in my car?? WHO WOULDNT THINK THAT?” And i was like “mmm i guess so… my bad bro” and it was just funny… i was glad that she noticed that stuff but like… the fact that she took that to heart? And was distancing herself to not only protect her feelings but make sure I didn’t get more annoyed? Who knows… it was funny to hear but it also made me happy?

[gaysidecharacter]

And then the other day i told her sbout me putting s contact pfp for her and she wasupset because it was a meme picture of her but it made me laugh? But then i was like ughhh so then what should i put?? And she was like i can literally send you a picture so that way you can put that instead?? Simple solution and i was like um… well j wouldn’t want to send you a picture of me and she was like actually no send me one right now and I’ll send you some decent pics but long story short she sent me three pictures to choose from and well i chose this one semi blurry one of her but because i thought she looked really cute and she wanted proof I didn’t keep the meme picture and she was like dang the blurry pics… I’m ugly huh and i was like huhhhh??? Andi told her i thought you looked cute in that picture and she was like wait really?? As in shocked that i could ever find her cute but like she did look cute… and she was like don’t throw up but thank you and of course i did vomit but… I can’t believe she doesn’t think she’s 100% cute… i think she’s SUPER cute… especially in that picture…

[gaysidecharacter]

And then when i told her she no longer had a reason to see me since we don’t work together anymore she was like ummm no i do have a reason to see you and i always want to hangout with you so?? And UGH she just says TOO MANY SUS THINGS. And she texts me so often it makes me feel important… ugh… i just can’t handle this… i might end up telling her how i feel soon…

[gaysidecharacter]

She is so…. UGH. So she wanted to see me on sunday but i told her no because I didn’t want to annoy my roommate even though they’re also friends it’s still like damn they’re over like everyday. But we were texting and monday morning she texts me asking where i am on campus which i was just about to head over and she was like damn well imma wait for you and we hung out for a bit and she was telling me about her classes and then she pointed out how i use two hands for everything and i was like huh?? And she was like yeah you look like a little kid and i just looked at her like um are you calling me a child?? And she was like no its sweet honestly its a little refreshing and i was like right… now I’m self concerned and she was like no no its fine and i just ignored her but then she kept talking and she was about to head to class and i was laughing so hard at something she said and well i leaned into her because it was funny but when i looked up at her i was like RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER FACE and i freaked out because whoa thats close and i backed up but she was like “I don’t mind the closeness?” And i was like “yeah… but i do so…” and she was like “ugh right i forgot my touch is disgusting to you” and i was like “bro literally shut up” and well i walked her to class and it was whatever but then we met up for work and she was so cute and sweet. She saw me and she was like “i was literally counting the minutes until you came in” and i was like “you were waiting for me?” And she was like “yeah of course?” And she was with me while i was getting dressed for work i was fully clothed and stuff but she was just there to see me and it was fine like I didn’t mind and we were just joking around and i was WASTING time and running the clock because… i want to. Anyway we were just talking but then we started to joke around as usual and well they were having the usual meetings and we were texting each other during the meeting because its BORING. And then ugh the creep came literally LEANING into the table and i felt so uncomfortable because the position i was in was fine if no one were in front of me but i felt TOO vulnerable and as he was talking she texted me saying that he was TOO close and I agreed with her and he was just saying a bunch of dumb stuff honestly. Super uneducated. But then when he left she was like i saw you shift back into the walk but you had no where to go and i was like i moved? And she was like yeah i saw you! And i was like dang… so it was obvious i was uncomfortable. And then i was just being REALLY touchy?? Like the whole day? And at one point i like rested my elbow on her shoulder but it felt so nice and comfortable and right? So i stayed there saying how it felt nice since lately my shoulders have been on fire and it was just a fun little moment… and we joked around for most of the shift because i mean… i like her? And then near the end of the night these guys were like being dumb? And flirting with one of our coworkers and i left the situation and j went to her saying I don’t like interacting with new people and she was like oh yeah but brandons different huh? And i remembered brandon came to the line like twice for food and we joked around a bit but like it wasn’t that deep? Like literally I’m just nice to brandon and i only showed him like a lot of energy twice? But she ALWAYS stays bringing him up?? Like i think she thinks i might like him?? I don’t though? I literally see him and I’m like hey brandon whats up man as a friend way?? And then later on in the night i told her that if it wasn’t for work we wouldn’t have been friends and she was like dang so if i were to talk to you then you wouldn’t treat me like brandon?? And i was like huh??? Why do you always bring him up? Like literally… she ALWAYS brings him up like… WHO CARES ABOUT HIM? She really said i give him special treatment? And then this guy was kind of trying to flirt with me and she like kept replaying the moment being like I can’t believe he said your name like that and i was like ugh… disgusting that he even knows my name. But like… i don’t kno

[gaysidecharacter]

She literally thought of seeing me as soon as she was free on campus… i was asleep at home though but she was gonna bother and text me to see where i was at so she could bother me but then she saw my notifications were silenced so she didn’t 🧍🏻‍♀️ and then at work today she saw me with a coworker who’s love language is physical touch so i was helping her destress by putting my hand on her shoulder because i don’t like it much… and she saw me and she put her hand on my shoulder too AND THEN she put her arm around me and pulled me a little towards her i was like wtf??? I literally froze and she was like oh no i forgot we don’t do that like umm girl you FORGOT? And i was so embarrassed but she thought i was since I’m not a touchy person but DAMN. Anyway back to her seeing my notifications on silence i told her about how i was supposed to do work in the morning but i slept in and she was like so when are you gonna do it? And i was like oh today after work and she was like oh i have an assignment i need to finish so lets study together! And i was like at the library? And she was like yeah i want someone to hold me accountable and i was like right… so after work we went home for like two seconds and then we went to the library and THEY WERE CLOSED it sucked so bad cause I actually had work to do 💀 but then we went to my apartments study rooms and we studied there for a bit and then we got food and ate in my apartment. THAT IS THE SECOND TIME SHES BEEN OVER THIS WEEK. I swear… she’s EVERYWHERE.

[gaysidecharacter]

She needs to stop?? I got home from work and it was fine i was telling my mom about my day and it was fine?? But THEN she’s like trying to facetime me and i was like huh??? So i answer because i think it’s serious and its just that hwr roommates cats were in her room and she was excited and wanted to show me?? Which is FINE and like we goofed around a bit and then she brought up this guy who i think she like… thinks i like?? Like girl no i like you but whatever besides the point?? She was like “you were being very friendly today” and i was like “what do you mean?” And she was like “you literally screamed saying oh my gosh brandon! I like whipped my head so fast because you were being really animated?” And i was like “well brandons chill?” And she was like “no i get that but you pulled that energy out of nowhere?? And like how come i never get that energy??” And i was like “well I’m comfortable with you???” But that was the second time she’s brought him up… plus brandon is always greeting me by saying my name so ofc i say it back with the same energy?? And during the call i realized that i have literally seen her EVERY SINGLE DAY for over a WEEK. But i only noticed because during our call her friend was complaining saying how she never sees her anymore and that she’s been out and she tells me “no my roommate was calling me fake saying how they haven’t seen me lately and that I’ve been out but I’ve literally just been out with you the whole time” and i just laughed but like DONT SAY THAT. Stop letting me know that you’re spending a majority of your free time with me… it made me feel shy. And its true… we HAVE been like near each other the past couple days!!! And if not at work we’re together and if we’re not together we’re on a video call?? And if we’re not on a video call we’re in class??? Like… its a bit much 🧍🏻‍♀️ and then my dog was on my lap and she was like “oh i almost took a screenshot just because your dog looked so cute” and i was like “oh go for it I’ll move out of the picture” and she was like “you can stay in the picture??” And i was like “NO” but then she ended up taking one while I wasn’t paying attention i think… because i saw words on my screen but by the time i looked up they were already disappearing… and then she basically admitted she did but i don’t know if she took anymore while i was like holding him… UGH and then at work i was literally minding my business and i was looking for a basket for the bread we were going to put out and then robert is out here NOT MINDING HIS BUSINESS being like “what do you need?“ and i was like “oh a basket for the bread” and he was like “i got you” and he gets it for me and he’s like “here you go” and obviously i was like “thank you robert” because… he didn’t have to do that? And he was like “i would do anything for you” UGH IM SICK. PLS. NO DONT SAY THAT. I literally wanted to vomit… like well good for you i guess?? Cause I wouldn’t? Ugh. Hate all men. AND THEN they made it to where we aren’t allowed to take food home anymore?? We can only eat at work but like I DONT WANT TO BE THERE. I WANT TO EAT AT HOME IN PEACE LIKE UGH. I still took food home but DAMN. Like… i just wanted to eat at home in peace off the clock?? I already know the day I’m quitting and i cannot WAIT.

[gaysidecharacter]

I know I never updated... But I ended up developing serious feelings for her... my coworker... A lot has happened and I will just give a small summary but basically we ended up exchanging twitters and then we texted almost daily during the winter break. And then came around the second semester... Which is now. I just... Like her so much. I want to confess to her but I also don’t want to loose her as my friend. today we went to the pond that is across from campus and it was nice... she wanted me to finally talk about myself to her since she said she always tells me embarassing stuff yet she doesn’t usually open up this easily to people... I hate when she says that because it makes me feel things. She basically wanted me to tell her about my past crushes since she told me about hers and well I did but she was drawing on the table we were at and like as i spoke about the people i had previously had crushes on she just... she was so cute looking down... and then at one point we talked about the friends to lovers trope and how it ruins things and she said that things are never the same after one confesses... ALL my plans on telling her I liked her flew out the window... I was so nervous, but I still really wanted to tell her. And then i told her about how I wanted to lose contact with her for a minute... It actually hurt her. I felt so bad. I literally saw her eyes water a little and I had to do damage control. I had to tell her somewhat how i felt... I told her that I was glad that someone like her is my friend and i appreciate her... she did crack a small smile... it hurt. she said that she wanted to say something cheesy but then I basically made her tell me and she said that it made her heart warm when I said that. And she basically invited me to an amusement park with her... I told her I had never gone and she was like no lets go do you like rollercoasters? and well of course i do. so she basically hinted like hey I want to go with you. So... I don’t know. If it will actually happen... But UGH i just want to tell her how i feel so i can get it off my chest... and then when she told me about someone who treated her like a girlfriend and she didn’t like it and that she was annoyingly touchy i asked how so i could annoy her by being touchy like that with her and she was like bro you’re messy why do you want to try me? and i was like c’mon tell me and she was like i know you don’t like me being taller than you but just stay sitting down and she got up and started to walk towards me and i got nervous and i was like wait no and she wrapped her arm around my shoulder and i just grabbed myself and put my hands on myself because it made me so nervous... and then when we were going to cross the street because the light was red but as soon as we stepped on the street it turned green and we ran to the other side of the sidewalk laughing because that felt so dumb... i swear we have so many moments but i genuinely cannot tell if its just platonic. 

[gaysidecharacter]

Welp. I might like someone at my job. I have trouble telling the difference between romantic feelings and platonic ones because I don’t like anyone? And when I do it takes me a while to realize especially when I think they’re attractive or cool? But dang... I don’t know if I do or if I don’t. Like when she’s near me I get excited and I always laugh around her but I can’t tell? I like always talk to her. And I always want to talk to her? I like pass by her so I can just be near her or see her? But I don’t know if I like her or not? But she called me bestie today so I actually don’t want to like her. She was like hey bestie and I was like aw we’re besties? But she just shrugged. And when she was like bothering me during work I was like damn just say you wanna work with me and she just shrugged but I just ignored her... And yeah... I think it is very much only a friend thing... But she’s always teasing me! But like we tease each other so I think that’s just our vibe... Who knows not my problem. but damn! girls never look at me! its always guys... so gross I don’t want them but they think I want them?? Literally I made eye contact with this guy for I guess too long? And he wanted to flirt and I was like um no. And I gave him his plate and left. I am not about to entertain this. And then this guy I think he has mommy issues or something. He was like I want a lot of food... Because I’m a hungy boy uwu or whatever the fuck. I was like ok that’s great and handed him his food like bruh I don’t get paid enough to deal with your shit. And these kids are so picky?? I was like do you want chicken and they were like can I have a thigh? like BRUH IDEK CHICKEN ANATOMY. I was like I don’t know chicken anatomy so here. And one girl was like oh can I have a thigh? and I thought she was asking for the biggest piece and I was like this is the biggest piece in the pan. And she was like no the thigh and I was like girl there's a long line behind you keep going. And she looked at me all mad like um idc about you??? You think I CARE about some freshman's feelings about me? oh no an entitled 18 year old doesn’t like me? boo-hoo go cry about it. I was annoyed today. Like actually I did not want to work... And I was at comfort and its so fucking hot??? And this guy was like can I actually have extra pasta? who gave you extra pasta that makes you think you can ask for this? Do you think this is a subway or a golden corral? It’s a dining hall. He was annoyed when I didn’t give him extra like bruh we’re limited on food you’re not the only person on this planet. The world doesn’t revolve around you. OR when they’re like can I have an extra piece? No. no you can’t. And then they’re like but no ones behind me? okay??? If you want it that badly go around the line again so we can give you another plate. The only time I can give extra is if you have a to go box. WHICH YOU DO NOT. Or some little ugh. its always the rich kids which is why it bothers me EVEN MORE. Like why are they so greedy?? One of the big boss guys that owns the company asked for an extra piece of meat and well I HAVE to or i get fucking fired so I gave it to him. And well I need fucking grocery money. And this bratty little kid was like CaN i HaVe An ExTrA pIeCe ToO? I was like no. He only got one cause he’s our boss. And he was like :/ Like bro idc who tf your dad is he obviously isn’t paying my bills. Like you would think oh sure if it’s slow give them the extra!! NO because when it’s busy THEY EXPECT IT. Like no? We’re obviously busy. You don’t care about my feelings so why would I care about yours? And i HATE the people who own the company that I work under... All they do is sit on their ass taking all the money for themselves leaving us overworked with fucking crumbs. I don’t get paid enough for the shit they make me do. NONE of my coworkers get paid enough. Some have been there for YEARS. SO TELL ME WHY WE’RE MAKING THE SAME SALARY?? I know a coworker who i LOVE that literally had three other jobs besides the one we work together. She works every single day of her LIFE except sunday mornings for fucking church??? NO ONE should need more than one job to survive. Like what the fuck??? I am in no way saying I should get paid less. BUT THEY SHOULD GET PAID MORE? They work like they’re making $15 and when I found out that someone who has been working there for 10 YEARS makes $10 I was PISSED. Cause he is RUNNING everywhere to keep things going. And the coworker who has three other jobs? $9 SHE HAS BEEN THERE FOR 5 years. That's like a 20 cent raise a year??? I get paid $9.50 STARTING pay. What the fuck?? Oh but those big boss guys in business suits and their white fucking collar making the big bucks sitting on their ass right? bossing us around like clean that do that who the fuck am I Cinderella? No. Like I’m sorry but I’m a human. And so is everyone else working here so treat us like one. I would rather get fired than have one of those pretentious fucks talk down to me. FUCK YOU. If no one has talked to you like that before then I will. Be humbled for TWO FUCKING SECONDS. I just absolutely LOATHE their existence. I think I hate rich people now... Before I was like okay they have money. NO. Now? I hate them... Why are they so greedy? They are truly bad people?? I knew the economy was fucked up. But I didn’t know how bad it was... you never know til you’re on the inside. I am ENRAGED. 

[gaysidecharacter]

I am... not having fun. I got a job with my roommate slash friend. and well I was telling her how someone asked for extra and well I gave them some and she got upset with me saying that I shouldn’t do that because they then ask everywhere else. And I was like damn I didn’t know because when I would go they would give me extra and it was fine and she was like no its annoying when they do that. And she was asking me why I was being nice to the students? Like... just because I hate my life doesn’t mean I have to make their life miserable. It’s not their fault everything is corrupt. If they’re rude then hell yeah be rude back but if they’re just existing I’m not gonna treat them badly? I hate making other people miserable because in the end I just feel more miserable that I can’t control my emotions and push them onto other people. It kind of annoyed me because I asked her what I SHOULD do since its literally my second day how am I supposed to know? And when I asked she was like never mind do what you want. And I was like no tell me I don’t want to inconvenience other workers and she just said that she hates her job and that she's just a bitch and I mean I get you hate your job but damn... And then she’s like if you stay 100 days I get a bonus but that’s IF you stay the 100 days. And I was like um... okay? Does she see me as someone that gives up easily? I let them slide but she’s being kind of rude about it unless I’m just being sensitive but really... And I thought she wasn’t like that because she said she hates when others don’t care about others but she’s doing exactly that. I think she just doesn’t like certain students and just projects it to the rest because... I really don’t understand why she is being like that.. It’s not like I’ve never worked a job in my life. I have and I have had much worse experiences than what she’s ever mentioned unless shes omitting things but... I don’t know she’s kind of raining on my parade. Like I’m thankful you helped me get the job but... why are you being like this? She says she just hates people but I don’t know. If I’m in work mode I don’t... project my hate... I only do that when I’m existing and if someone were to enter my space well that’s their problem. But they’re entering my space just wanting food I don’t... understand? I knew she was hateful but I didn’t know she was this hateful. Either way. I have a ton of homework to do but I just have no energy to do it. And I’m getting my period so that may be affecting me too. Who knows. I just... want to cry and sleep and read my book without worries of running out of money and wanting to d word. I don’t know where I’m going to live next... Or what I’m going to do once I graduate but... I do know that I just want to sleep... A lot. And that I were just happy all the time but that isn’t attainable. Also I feel like... sometimes what I’m doing is for nothing. My older brother told me not to waste my parents money if I do go to college. Since they pay for my rent... But why put that pressure on me? So many people put pressure on me. I just... I don’t want it anymore... I just want to relax. And my mom tells me don’t worry it’ll all be worth it and its for kobey and I know she says that to make me feel better but actually I just hate it here. I just want a breather. I don’t know when I’ll get that though. And I started to hate the way I look again. I thought I got over it but I thought about old memories accidentally and it just tore me down. Again. And a girl I know that I thought wouldn’t tear me down. I don’t know if she thought it wouldn’t but she called my feet chubby and I actually hate my feet a lot actually I hate feet in general but that didn’t make me feel good. I was like are you calling me fat? because the night before I had just finished hating myself over it and she was like no you aren’t my sister has fat feet and she isn’t fat. But well... I don’t think she meant any harm by it and had I not remembered my memories maybe I wouldn’t have cared but they were fresh in my mind so... yeah. I’m just tired. And gross. I’m not as big as I used to be but sometimes when someone treats me nicely I wonder if they know that I’m fat. Or if they ignore it. Or something along those lines but who knows. Young me would not have thought of current me being like this. Sucks for her but she’ll find out. Little me. I wish maybe it wouldn’t be like this but it is so. oh well.