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Rudy Pankow as JJ Maybank S2E5: ‘The Darkest Hour’

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“ I would’ve, honestly, but my phone kinda maybe got smashed to pieces. ” Freddie says, holding his hands up with a lopsided grin. He steps awkwardly over the fresh hold. “ nah, but what you do need to know is it wasn’t my fault and I didn’t start it. ”

It wasn't too late, but Damian was at home now, prepping dinner for him and Soph when the knock on the door sounded. He wasn't expecting anyone and then left him a little on edge. "Soph, baby. Go to your room, okay? Stay there for a while?" The girl knew the orders and what they meant so she ran off to her room, locked the door, and turned her TV on loud. Ian moved towards the door, pulling it open and letting out a reliving breath when he saw the young blonde. "God damn Parker, could warn a guy before you show up bleeding on his doorstep." He stepped aside and let the kid in. "Do I want to ask what happened?"

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“ if you think I look bad” Freddie starts with a lopsided smile “ you should see the other guy. ” he flashes a smile “ At least I’m still pretty, right? ” a shrug follows the question “ I wouldn’t say you were my first thought, so no need to flatter yourself. You just live close. ”

The blonde follows her in, opening the cabinet in question and looking through the kit. “ eh, now you say it, a coffee is definitely the safer option. A real good one, don’t worry. Maybe one with ice or syrups or somethin’ - also, can I get one of those ? I know a white claw would make me feel fuckin’ fabulous right now ”

Daphne squinted at him through the crack in the door like he might’ve been a Jehovah’s Witness or worse, someone trying to sell her essential oils.

“Jesus tap-dancing Christ, Freddie.” Daphne yanked the door open the rest of the way, barefoot, hoodie inside-out, and holding a half-drunk White Claw like it was the Holy Grail. “You look like you lost a fight with a raccoon and the dumpster it lived in.” She gave him a once-over, expression teetering between amused and mildly horrified. “You're bleeding from the head, and your first thought was me…? That’s either sweet or deeply stupid, and frankly, I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to decide which.”

Turning on her heels, she waved him in with the kind of limp-wristed flourish usually reserved for drunk royalty. “First aid kit’s under the sink, somewhere between the expired Xanax and the emergency Pop-Tarts. Knock yourself out... or I guess, further out?” She sipped her drink and leaned on the counter, watching him with a sluggish smirk. “Also, unless that rap includes at least two verses about my ass and one shout-out to my general emotional unavailability, I’m gonna have to insist on coffee. And none of that gas station crap, Freddie. I’ve bled for less.”

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Status: open !

Freddie can barely breathe, barely think, his feet move on autopilot, running as fast as they can. Maybe he ought to not stop, maybe he should run until he reaches the end of the world. But he knows, in his heart, that he can’t do that and so he does stop, a hand running through messy blond locks, blood from a minor head wound covering his fingers. “ shit. ” he mumbles, “ fucking dickhead. ” the sight would be almost humerous if he wasn’t somewhat concerning. A head wound, a freshening black eye. Freddie turns left, a familiar door before him that he knocks on, leaning against the doorway with a shit eating grin that greets the occupant when they open. “ if it isn't my favourite person ! I was wondering if you’ve got any bandaids. I can thank you in coffee or a personalised rap song. ”

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RUDY PANKOW, CIS MALE , HE / HIM ] Sometimes I wonder why people like that stick with this city. Who am I talking about? That’s FREDDIE PARKER, they’re a DIRTY CITIZEN connected to NO ONE that works as a BARTENDER, if you can believe it. Hard to believe from a TWENTY FOUR year old, right? Word has it that they’re just as FIERCLY LOYAL as they are SELF DESTRUCTIVE, but I can’t help thinking about A FALLEN ANGEL when I see them. [ Charlotte ]

full name — Frederick James Parker nickname(s) — Freddie, Freddie boy, Fredster, Fred. name meaning — peaceful ruler age — twenty two date of birth — april 1st place of birth — peckham, london, england current location — new york gender — cis-male pronouns — he/him sexual orientation — homosexual height - 5'10 religion - agnostic family - Douglas ( father ), Kathrine ( mother - deceased ), frankie ( twin, deceased ), poppy, max, mila ( siblings )

medical diagnosis’ — adhd, depression, ptsd, anxiety, oppositional defiance disorder

voiceclaim — danny dyer

Inspired by : James Cook ( Skins ), Mickey Maguire ( shamless ), Neil Sutherland ( the inbetweeners ), Nathan Young ( misfits ), alex karev ( greys anatomy )

‘ he will sometimes send you funny emails. He prefers spaghetti over penne. Have you seen my son? Have you seen my beautiful boy? Tell him I miss him’

TW: HEAVY DRUG ABUSE, PARENTAL & SIBLING DEATH, MENTAL HEALTH, ABUSE, OVERDOSE

- Freddie was born with the odds stacked against him. His father was an angry man with substance abuse issues and a temper he could not control. His mother was a woman desperate to find escape but to scared of the unknown to ever leave him. When Frederick and his twin sister, Francesca, were born, the two adults did not know how to handle the lives they had been handed.

- To the outside world, their lives seemed unordinary. The violence always kept behind closed doors.

- the twins grew up as the best of friends. While they didn’t have money, they had something much more valuable: each other. They attended a local primary school on the verge of closure, and spent their evenings kicking around a ball in the local youth club or in the park with their mother. they would be out late, kept from their father whenever and for as long as possible.

-The first time social services visited the home, Freddie was four nearing five. He had recently started school, and some of the things he had said had raised alarm bells. Social came, they inspected the home and chatted with both the children. When they left, Freddie was told by his father that if he ever opened his gob again, if social ever came back they would probably take him away from his sister and they would never see each other again. that terrified him into compacency. They were on the radar, but not of high concern. You see, Social work is an underpaid and overworked profession, and the amount of cases coming in meant priorities had to be made. freddie sees that now, but he didn't at the time.

- Freddie had always been a sensitive soul, and while his mother was the lighthouse that guided him home, his sister Frankie was the anchor that kept him stable amongst the dangerous waters that was his father. While Freddie was gentle, kind and soft, his mind was not. From a young age, it felt like his mind was working against him like it wanted him to suffer. His sister kept him safe.

Every day was a battlefield, both in his mind and in reality, and freddies way of coping was to lash out at anyone around him: a scream for help that everybody seemed to turn a blind eye too. Those parker kids are trouble, they are.

Coming into teenage hood, Freddie grew angry at his situation and the cards dealt to him. He had always struggled in school, but now his behaviour was unmanageable. It was like his body was constantly in fight or flight mode. ‘Defensive, Lazy, Unmotivated - a teachers nightmare’ - all words scrawled across his report cards over the years. they don’t care, freddie had realised. They don’t want to listen to my screams for help. nobody fucking cares.

- When he was thirteen, Freddie found a way to quiet his mind. It was a slow descent when he started using marijuana, soon joined by acid, ecstasy, mushrooms and cocaine. By the time he was nearing 16, crystal meth was his drug of choice as everything spiralled out of control. When he had tried it, he felt it was the first time he felt better about himself. All the years of underlying depression, self-doubt and crippling anxiety seemed to melt away. So he just kept doing it.

- While his friends didn’t often see the darker side of his addiction, his family did. Anger, upset, frustration. more like his father then he ever wanted to be - the apple doesn't always fall far from the tree. Tears and tears and tears. He wanted to get better, he wanted to make everyone around him happy, but he was making everything worse and he just couldn’t stop. He focused again on pouring love into his friends but would come home and steal from his parents. He would argue with his sister, and cry into their arms as he begged not to go back to rehab.

-at sixteen, Douglas parker decided it was time the family moved. Because of Freddies well known problem amongst their friends, it had become nearly impossible for him to find and keep a dealer for himself, and so, new york called.

-Freddie once again struggled in New York. Back home, back in his shitty secondary school, he was a big fish in a small pond. He was well liked by his peers, the class clown and the boy with boundless amounts of energy. In New York, he was a tiny fish in the fucking ocean. At least drugs felt more accessable.

- Freddie spends eight years in the thick of addiction. He spends those years in a cycle of overdoses and rehab centres. 12-step programmes and sponsors he didn’t call. It took ten years for him to make it a year and a half sober. The most he had ever gone and for once, the future looked bright. A party with his closest friends, a cake to celebrate eighteen months. His father getting off his back for longer periods. It was hopeful. Everything was hopeful.

-but nothing good has ever stayed with freddie. with his fathers fall back into addiction came his downfall. and a night where he came back particuarly nasty and tried to throw a punch at freddie and his sister resulted in freddie finally snapping - he beat the shit out of his dad. years of pent up anger, years of fear, years of resentment. he would have killed him, he's sure, if it hadn't been for a neighbor that called the police. He spend 7 months in prison. His only regret is not having finished the job.

-When Freddie came home he tried to be better. He had managed to continue his clean streak, but his mind was once again falling apart because of it. He was always the beautiful boy who felt far too much. too sensitive.

- And then the world came crashing down. Freddie was with his best friends when the call came in. His dad was on the other line, it was the first time Freddie had ever heard him cry. this cry was different. It was guttural. His mother and Frankie had gotten into a car accident on the way home from a ski trip. They had died on impact. Freddie sat in his friend's living room, staring at the ceiling, his heart ripped out on the floor in front of him. He told them, but in the same sentence he said he was fine, he was okay. He offered to make everyone a cup of tea. He made sure his friends were okay. And at the end of the night, he got onto his bike and drove into a tree. A broken leg. A damaged bike. That was all.

- his mothers diary was found in her suitcase. Freddie knows he shouldn’t have, but he read it anyway. It dated back years, and he was a heavy feature across the pages.

‘ if you could take all the words in the language, it wouldn’t describe how much I love those children. And if you could gather all those words together, it still wouldn’t describe what I feel for them ’

‘I worry sometimes that this … what’s happened is my fault. I wanted to raise my beautiful boy to be kind and empathetic. I worry it’s because he’s too kind and empathetic that he turns to drugs to cope. My freddie .. he said the world is really ugly and everybody seems to be okay with it. He says everybody is out to make everybody else seem less human and he doesn’t want to be a part of it or witness it. He says that’s why he does drugs. To make this world easier to process.’

‘ he will sometimes send you funny emails. He prefers spaghetti over penne. Have you seen my son? Have you seen my beautiful boy? Tell him I miss him’

- It’s been three months since his mother and sister's death, and Freddie will still tell you he is fine. He doesn’t want to burden anyone else with his mind. He wants to be treated as he always has. He wants to just be Freddie. But he’s not Freddie, and he’s not fine. He’s not sure he ever will be again. His father does not help, it feels like his moment of grief has ended and he is back to his usual, violent ways, leaving Freddie to pick up the shattered pieces of his family and hold it together for his siblings.

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RUDY PANKOW as JJ MAYBANK in

⏤ OUTER BANKS (S04)

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get to know me meme: [1] male characters // james cook

“You think you know death, but you don’t. Not until you’ve seen it, Really seen it. And it gets under your skin, and lives inside you. You also think you know life. You stand on the edge of things and watch it go by, but you’re not living it, not really. You’re just a tourist. A ghost. And then you see it, really see it. And it gets under your skin and lives inside you, and there’s no escape. There’s nothing to be done, and you know what? It’s good. It’s a good thing. And that’s all I’ve got to say about it”

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RUDY PANKOW as JJ MAYBANK in

⏤ OUTER BANKS (S04)

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The Phantom Outer Banks: Season 1, Episode 10

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“Tell me, father, which to ask forgiveness for: what I am, or what I’m not? Tell me, mother, which should I regret: what I became, or what I didn’t?”

— thoughts of a stray iii | m.a.w (via dvoyd)

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RUDY PANKOW as JJ MAYBANK in

⏤ OUTER BANKS (S04)

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six weeks of breathing clean air, I still miss the smoke

for obxtober 2024

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#define crashout.

OUTER BANKS 4.06 The Town Council

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I'm built different. like incorrectly i think