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Hello Tumblr

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Me rn

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Being able to know what's going on in a certain situation can be a gift and a curse at the same time.

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Ang dami ko pang gustong itanong sakanya, mga clarifications. Ang dami ko pang what ifs pero I can’t find the opportunity na to ask that questions and I think I never will and nahihiya narin ako.

I’ll support her nalang sa kung ano man ang gagawin niya because that’s what friends do right? Hahahahaha.

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Ako din

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Sarap lumaklak ng sandamakmak na anaesthesia huhuhu wala nakong will to live tangina.

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Why do tears drop at 3 AM?

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Reminisce

I remember when I first saw her I never thought I'd be drawn to her. I remember when she PM'ed and asked why elephant is my favorite animal. I also remember when she PM'ed when I tweeted "wala namang magkaka gusto sakin" with a joke. That was before I'd have my feelings for her. I bet she'll not remember it anymore but I treasure small things/moments like that.

I remember I told myself "hmm cute siya pero di ako magkaka gusto sakanya" but I have never been wrong. I remember back in vr hackathon where she came running back to us crying because of an unfortunate event in the cr, I was seating beside her looking at her, she looked at me too, I want to dry her tears with my handkerchief but instead I looked away and I regretted it and every moment that I am ignoring her before. She also said it when our friendship is growing "hindi mo kasi ako pinapansin dati" and she's right and I regretted every minute of it. Again I bet she'll never remember it.

And then came angelhack I never expected that she'll be one of my teammates there. That event is where my feelings start to form for her because in that short time I felt that I had connection with her especially when we start playing tetris. I kept a sticker with my name for remembrance of that event because every time I looked at it, it reminds of her.

After that I started talking to her and every time I get excited she's got this humor that I like which really further my feelings for her. I remember when we're playing games I wish we could be like that again. I remember when she invited me to play MTG shet kilig na kilig ako non tinatago ko lang.

And then came the techtonic event day 2 she invited me again to play MTG but unfortunately she got sick which is a bummer because that's the day where I will confess my feelings for in person. But I know myself, I said "kung hindi ko sasabihin ngayon baka masabi pa dapat ngayong araw na talaga", so I messaged her and confessed my feelings I know that's manly but I just had to say it that day.

There are more memories that I can share but this post is taking longer than it should be but here's the point: I treasure every minute, every second when I am with her but now that there's someone special in her life now those moments will just be a memory never to be lived again.

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The Truth Hurts but it’s also Freeing

Today I had a very sad plot twist. I thought this day is gonna end well because our code camp is, well, kinda successful. I was chatting with her while I was in Starbucks with my devcon friends and then there came the plot twist. I knew from the start when she asked me this question “do you still like me” that I’ll be sad after I answer that question.

I said “Yes”, and then she confessed that there’s already someone special in her life, that she wanted to tell me about it but didn’t have the guts to do so before. And then I broke down inside, I am smiling in front of my devcon friends not giving them a hint of what’s going on with me but at that time I just want to go home and cry.

I thought I can take it but no I can’t, I wish I can move on and forget the feelings that I have. I’m so disappointed, disappointed in myself for not being good enough. I’m tired of being me I wish I could just switch bodies to someone, I wish I could just disappear.

I guess the only good thing about that is I’m free from my anxieties, that I will not be worried if she has someone. I guess some part of me is freed.

If you’re reading this just know I loved you genuinely and I'm always here for you even if we’re only friends. Nandito lang ako lagi pag kailangan mo.

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“Am well. Always thinking of you. Love.”

— Albert Camus, The Plague

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Ang hopeless :(

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If someone can hear my thoughts all that they will hear is how much i love you, b.

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What is the point of being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?

John Green, An Abundance of Katherines

(via bookmania)

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Hard to sit here and be close to you, and not kiss you.

F. Scott Fitzgerald (via help-n-quotes)

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Word.