genderhawk

[genderhawk]

It is your sworn duty, when you're in your 30's, to do something every day that would have gotten you viciously bullied in high school.

[genderhawk]

reblog game put in the tags how you found prev

[genderhawk]

Today is worm Wednesday. I will be turning into a worm and abandoning this life to burrow into the soft moist dirt. Goodbye!

[genderhawk]

A good rule of thumb for AI is "would you trust a trained pigeon to do this?"

"We trained a pigeon to recognise cancerous cell clusters and somehow they're really good at it" okay great, that's something that could plausibly be a thing.

"We trained a pigeon to recognise good CV:s and left it in charge of sorting through all our job applications" uh perhaps consider not doing that.

[genderhawk]

Puritanism is getting worse around the globe and conservatives and fascists will absolutely be first going harder against porn, then use that against queer people. You HAVE to realise this and oppose anti porn measures and laws, be in solidarity with sex workers, and listen to them when they call this shit out. It's going to be vitally important.

[genderhawk]

fuuuuck i just realized that the future idealized version of myself cant exist without current me being the catalyst for change and doing hard things. has anybody heard about this

[genderhawk]

in the hunger games audiobooks the narrator actually sings all the songs instead of just reading the lyrics out, something i find myself really appreciating and valuing a lot more as i'm forced to sit through whatever the hell this is

[genderhawk]

eventually one has to come to terms with the fact that "conceive of myself as a person capable of tackling difficult things" is an achievable goal toward which one can take concrete steps whereas "have things be easy" is Not

[genderhawk]

you tried everything. you tried relationship check-ins and using positive thinking. you tried modelling healthy coping strategies and printing out pages of cognitive behavioral therapy tricks. you tried relationship podcasts and audiobooks and posts on instagram. you tried steamrolling your own emotions and making yourself into a fractal of a person. you tried ripping out your own hair and you tried to feed from your own stomach. you tried setting boundaries - and when that failed, you tried to be okay with broken boundaries.

you tried explaining, over and over and over. you tried long-winded texts that delicately apologized and took accountability; you tried short and earnest apologies that directly confronted the issue. you tried letting them apologize first - and when that didn't work at all, you tried to delicately explain you needed their apology.

you tried, because you really thought they could change. sometimes, if you caught them in the right moment - they even seemed willing. they would nod and agree to try therapy (eventually) or try calming techniques (eventually) or try safe communication practices (eventually) or try -

and you feel like a fool, because you gave them so much grace about it, and that's how things got so bad for so long. you were being patient and kind and willing. you gave them time. you promised yourself that next week, they'd be better. next week, they'd be the partner you needed. next week, they'd be there for you. they'd finally see all the effort and love and trying! and as some kind of divine reward, why, they'd finally -

the whole time your boundaries shifted and swam. since you were being patient with them, you started taking barely-there token actions as being "enough." okay, they didn't really apologize, but even the use of the words "i'm sorry" was enough! okay, they didn't support you through grief, but afterwards they seemed guilty about that and offered to buy you sushi. wasn't that all good enough? isn't love about growth and bringing the other person up with you?

so when you finally broke about this and finally decided to run: well, you had expected to be ruined. you had cried in the shower picturing it. and instead. instead. you were suddenly, coldly, wildly - done.

[genderhawk]

[CISGENDER BUTTON]

[genderhawk]

somatic symptoms of anxiety are so fucked. what do you mean I got so scared my body decided that it needed to add nausea and headache and dizzy to the situation. how is it helping

[genderhawk]

It really is 2003 again Jesus Tapdancing Christ.

Like, all Republicans did was replace Iraq and gay people with Iran and trans people.

[genderhawk]

do you ever just sit and realize how insane people have acted towards you