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Enigmatic echoes of Sulfur’s tears, ‘Kawah Putih’ whispers the story of Bandung’s untouched volcanic lake.

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loputyn

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Waiting for a change

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Adorned with wild untamed hair

Cracked nails picked raw

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i'll figure out where to put this permanently later but for now the actual background on the ajax teucer полынья au

полынья - polyna "A polynya is an area of open water surrounded by sea ice. It is now used as a geographical term for an area of unfrozen seawater within otherwise contiguous pack ice or fast ice." to symbolize how they are trapped in their situation and to of course relate to ajax's canon sea theme. more loosely to represent their every flowing and changing lives despite their situation.

the basis of the au:

an amorphous span of time where ajax and teucer are on the run, after ajax murders their father and technically kidnaps teucer. it's focused on ajaxs complicated feelings of abuse and the crime he's committed and himself as a person, and his desire and fear of keeping teucer safe. of vengeance and loss and mourning and innocence. some posts in the tag are from teucer's pov but most are ajax's. teucer is in that gray zone where he's old enough to know something bad happened and their father is gone but too innocent for his brain to say 'my brother killed our dad'. there are even a few images that are from their mothers pov.

and, despite everything here, it is my comfort au! i don't really think about the before, but it's important to understand everything after.

i don't think i did a great job explaining moods and feelings in the text, but it's memories of being a child, of being brought somewhere and not knowing when or why things are happening, but feelings safe, and having your brain be more preoccupied with being bored or wanting a toy then worrying about where you're going next.

background: while the au is mostly focused on them on the run, the things that happened are detrimental to ajax's thought processes

ajax teucer their siblings and their mother lived on a remote homestead. average lower class family, their livelihood came from their fathers hunting and the older siblings doing mixed labor.

their mother was doting, and she would sit with the younger ones in her garden and sing to them, teach them stories, plants, insects and birds, how to sew and weave. ajax would describe her as the light of the home. teucer doesn't remember her much. she had strawberry blond wavy hair that shone in the sunlight. when ajax was younger and more naive he promised he would marry his mother and run away to a better life.

ajax was taught to hunt from a very young age, no gentleness or reverence in being taught to tear skin from a warm corpse. an animal is to eat and that's that. they raise a few livestock on the property. his feelings on death and, killing and consumption, what is sacred or bestial is a key aspect.

they used to have a guard dog, a family dog that would sit under the table at dinner, follow their mother around protectively and that the little ones would lay on like a big fluffy stuffed toy. he was put down with the rifle after he attacked a chicken. ajax is sure he must of had a name but he can't remember it. like with all the other animals ajax tells teucer they went to a conservation. they had learned that word together after watching a documentary. she was not spared from the violence of their father. when teucer was 8, and ajax was 17, she was killed.

they buried her on the property, near the dog, and they weren't allowed mention her again.

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between here i did write a bunch, like timelines giving explanations on where the rest of the siblings are, but i felt it didn't add anything. the au is not about what happened to the other siblings (though they are alive), but teucer and ajax being left behind.

i also don't feel it's necessary to go into the specifics of abuse to understand the au. probably in another more vent-y post i might.

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regardless, ajax was left to bare the brunt of it being the eldest left.

the inaugural moment just before the au starts is ajax shooting their father with his hunting rifle. a key point is that it was not self defense, or spur of the moment during a fight. another key point is it was in defense of teucer, in general. without teucer there he would have continued living like that for years, maybe indefinitely, and then become the same type of cruelty. buried deep down it is also for his mother.

ajax acts on instinct, he aims, shoots once in the dead of night, and bundles teucer into the back of the truck. everything is already packed. ajax feels no catharsis as he dumps gasoline and sets their family home ablaze. it's winter, it's snowing, freezing, he's got his coat over teucer who's only in his pajamas.

the au starts there, their first night sleeping in the truck. teucer sleeps, eventually, worn out, ajax doesn't. he watched the sun rise hours later clutching the steering wheel and feels something.

teucer: 10 during this. not nearly as spoiled as in canon, likes toys and nature and things that remind him of his mom, like dresses and getting his hair brushed. exploring femininity is important in the au, as he was raised to 'be a man' and got a beating for playing with his moms makeup.

his memories are more vague, shapes and colors and feelings. doesn't ask too many questions. they spend a lot of time playing together and ajax is trying to teach him what he can, when they aren't driving. they spend a lot of time driving, and he spends a lot of time looking out the window.

here are the two tags! take a look through them after reading :] one

two

(wip)

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Cabinet de curiosité - Atsushi Tani

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_magda__ on ig

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