getghosteddd - Tumblr blog

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happy pride month with the hyyh boys

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watching begins ≠ youth and actively remembering how the run mv literally changed my life half a decade ago, i dont rly go here anymore but i think i was the happiest when i was clinically insane about hyyh and bts in general

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it's tough to survive but hyung! let's live

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I had a vision

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“Many people seem to think it foolish, even superstitious, to believe that the world could still change for the better. And it is true that in winter it is sometimes so bitingly cold that one is tempted to say, ‘What do I care if there is a summer; its warmth is no help to me now.’ Yes, evil often seems to surpass good. But then, in spite of us, and without our permission, there comes at last an end to the bitter frosts. One morning the wind turns, and there is a thaw. And so I must still have hope.”

— Vincent Van Gogh

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reminder that this entry in 花樣年華 HYYH The Notes 1 exists. the og beach scene. the beginning of the end for hyyh yoonkook.

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ep 11. or something.

IM SO PISSED HYBE DIDN'T RELEASE THIS SHOW ON AN ACTUAL KNOWN SITE BECAUSE WTF

I JUST FINISHED EP 11 AND HAVE BEEN CRYING FOR 5 HOURS

anon ur so real for this idk wtf is up with HYBE lately but it seems like they haven't missed a single dose of their fucking up a good thing pills

Anyway yeah episode 11 fucking got me. Classic hyyh combination of silly, oddly moving, devastatingly sad and confusing asf iykyk. This show is 100% going to become my deep cut one season show I frequently rewatch and talk about to people who do NOT care

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this song has no right being this good i hate it

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One of the things that the drama did was reveal an incredibly important part of hyyh vmon's dynamic that has always been there but I just didn't get before.

We know that Tae looks up to Joon as an older brother figure that he can rely on, and that Joon takes this responsibility very seriously despite being so young himself. What used to confuse me before was that Tae's safety was his responsibility, but Joon never stopped him from doing those illegal activities. In fact, he would join him.

In every one of the hyyh pairings, there's a give and take.

Jihope is made of two liars and one is in the hospital room pretending to be well and the other is there pretending to be sick but among the white walls and hallucinations and fainting and pills they give each other something solid to hold on to, a tether to reality.

Yoonkook is a cycle of addictive self-destruction born from the co-dependency of someone who latches on too obsessively and needs hurt to feel alive, and someone who cries guilt but can't help but hold on to the one person he can hurt again and again but won't disappear no matter how hard he tries.

So what did Joon get from vmon? What was the take part of this give heavy dynamic? I honestly can't believe I didn't see it before.

"Do you know what I hate most about myself? I get used to things, whatever that is. I give up and don't even fight on- no... I don't even want to fight."

Joon who is only 16 but is the breadwinner of his family, who works and works and works to support all the people who rely on him, whose worth is determined by his reliability and even temper and maturity in every situation. The first to forgive, the hardest to anger, doesn't even complain when he locks away the box that contains all his potential and dreams for people who suck him dry and give nothing back.

"I see you pouring out your anger and I get vicarious pleasure. After that, I grill you not to do that and even rationalise to myself that I'm right. That's who I am. I'm a despicable coward - so who am I to console others!? How could I understand other people!?"

I forget sometimes that Tae is older than Jungkook when he represents the clinging to youth aspect so well. He's loud, he's brash and angry and kind and rough and empathetic and raw around the edges in all the ways a child is allowed to be. Joon doesn't get that, he's not allowed that. So he lives through Tae, lets him pour out all the emotion and the thoughts he doesn't let himself say.

That scene at the container after it was set on fire breaks me because it represents this so well. He was almost murdered and he stands there silently while Tae yells at Jin all the things he doesn't let himself feel enough to say. It's like Tae is talking for him in that moment, straight from his heart, and that's what he gets from it. That night only one of them watched his home go up in flames at the hands of people he holds not an ounce of power to, knowing that they expected him to burn along with it. There are three people there in the aftermath and it is only him that doesn't cry. That just smiles and thanks Jin for the warning and tells them to go to bed.

I want to scream. How did Dogeun end up being the character I felt the most physical hurt for. How is his apparent normalcy the most tragic thing in a show littered with suicide and murder and mental illness. Agh.

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the fact that there are only two lines in the entire show that allude to heterosexual romance and one was given to yoongi while the other was given to jungkook is sending me

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i'm lying. fuck, i'm lying. never end please. keep doing this, keep updating the storyline once every few years only to add more questions. let me be at your mercy forever.

guys. please. where's my closure. i've been waiting for years. when will you let me go. i can't keep living like this. please.

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guys. please. where's my closure. i've been waiting for years. when will you let me go. i can't keep living like this. please.

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i don't..... huh?????????

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.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. what.

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it's time.