gettingworseforthebetter

[gettingworseforthebetter]

repeat after me:

BINGEING IS A CHOICE.

NOBODY IS FORCE FEEDING YOU.

DON’T DO IT.

JUST STOP.

[gettingworseforthebetter]

My hospital issued lunch.

The cups have one cranberry juice and one chocolate milk. I've reached a new level of what the fuck. They have a camera watching me after I eat to make sure I don't purge, I've been puking in my mouth after I'm done and purging into the cups through the straw, no one's noticed so far and it's been a few days, so I purged up whatever could fit into those two Styrofoam cups. I can't wait to go home and lose the weight again.

[gettingworseforthebetter]

Being restrictive bulimic in a hospital - being refed

On the final days of my hospital say and can't wait to go home. I was admitted about a week ago for low heart rate and lack of electrolytes. It's been awful to say the least. I finally know what's happening, I get to go home instead of to an eating disorder treatment facility this Sunday. Being disordered was easy when no one in my family knew about my eating disorder, now everyone knows and they all want to force feed me. I figure every meal but dinner is avoidable, and while I used to be able to skip it a lot I didn't get to eat my own — healthier dinner. Now that everyone knows I feel no shame eating my piece of grilled chicken and serving size of corn. If I have to eat I may as well have a dinner for only 300 calories. It's summer so going for long walks and the gym will make up for my new forced intake.

I look forward to seeing how fast I can lose the weight I gained in the hospital. I know it will be harder because of people watching me, but I figure if i was in here one week it will take max 9 days to get rid of, then it's just making sure the scale looks like I'm doing good when they weigh me. Being weighed is part of my requirements if I go home, so any tips to show up heavier on the scale other then chugging water and rocks in the pockets would be appreciated.

I was 113 when they took me here, I will probably wait a few days to weigh myself again, hopefully by the time I do I'll be back to that weight. After that I figure I can be down to 105 by the end of the month, easy peasy.