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Out of Our Minds (Part 5)

Ledger!Joker x Harley Quinn-esque f!reader (18+)

CW: violence by gunfire and gas, implied deaths/fatal injuries

Words: 5.8k

Chapter Summary: After a long night of plans, you're ready to break your patient out of Arkham Asylum

previous part: part 4

Notes: Welcome back! sorry for the long wait, life has been pretty busy but here's the next part! Things are really cooking up in this one. Just wanna preface that in this series you are NOT a good guy, you're turning into a villain like Joker, so there will be lots of violence and so if you're uncomfortable with that stuff I advise you not to keep reading! I won't be getting graphic though (and I really hope that I don't have to be the one to remind you that in real life, murder bad) Also this whole chapter includes a plot for breaking out of Arkham that is very farfetched but we're gonna pretend like it makes sense, okay? okay. Enjoy!

Arkham is cloaked in shadows.

The patients are forced into these shadows, pushed there by people desperate to remain in the light. They want to be the light. To show themselves as all things good and pure. They walk around with their chins held high and their shoulders back, clucking like birds. They are bright. Intelligent. Classy. Or so they want to be seen as. What lurks beneath is all darkness.

These people avoided the shadows, and thank goodness for that.

As you lurked in the shadows, preparing for the madness to come, you couldn’t help but smile.

_________________________________________

Your heart is pounding as you approach the two guards outside of Joker’s cell. You’ve managed to move his session to be the last one of the day, and the anticipation has been killing you.

You don’t know how you got here. You don’t mean literally, you know how you got there, walking with shaking legs through security, scared that somehow they would see it in your face. That you were hiding something. They didn’t even question you, waving you along while looking bored. After that, you realized they couldn’t read you at all. They simply didn’t care. So now, you hold yourself with confidence, hoping everything goes just the way you planned.

But getting here, being Joker’s accomplice, that you were still figuring out.

“Hello boys,” you say to the guards, even though they’ve seen you enough times to know the drill. They hand you the little remote, enter the code, and the door unlocks. Not a single word exchanged. You give them your best bitchy smile before walking through the doors. “Thanks.”

There Joker is, his face paint still intact, though smudged. You let out a deep sigh of relief, and while the door closes behind you, you take your seat, not exactly sure where to start. “Mr. J,” is all you can manage to get out.

Joker leans forward, dark eyes glinting. “Yes, sweets?”

You take a deep breath. “Are you ready to break out of Arkham?”

The smile on his face is like none other you’ve ever seen from him. It’s giddy, it’s dangerous, it’s thrilling. God, you love it. “Doll, that, ah, might just be one of the best things I’ve ever heard you say.”

It took you all night to think up a plan, with the little time you had. You knew you had to take advantage of just how little people cared for you, finally it was serving as a positive. You’d racked your brain, setting up a giant piece of paper on your wall and drawing out the layout of Arkham. You’d marked where the guards would be, how they’d move, the security cameras and alarms scattered around the building. It had all looked like a mess at first. A puzzle you wouldn’t be able to put together. Yet the more you thought about it, the more you realized you were thinking too much about how to perfectly escape and not how to rely on your own strengths. Not only could you fly under the radar, but you were light on your feet, had learned a few tips from Joker on weaponry, and the only people who (mostly) respected you in Arkham were your patients. 

You’d not gotten any sleep but it was worth it as you pieced everything together. The main part of your plan did not necessarily involve high level theatrics like J, but Arkham was in for one hell of a ride.

Reaching up into your hair, you pull out a hair pin, reaching over and grabbing Joker’s wrist. “Here’s what we’re gonna do,” you say, starting on attempting to unlock the cuffs. Joker’s lesson was somehow still fresh in your mind but it wasn’t an easy task. “I’m going to press the button on my remote that will alert the two guards outside the door to come in. We’ll be standing on either side of the door, and we’ll need to take them both out.” To your surprise, the handcuffs unlock with a small click, and you beam as the cuffs fall away. 

Joker lifts his hand, moving his wrist, which is partially bruised from the cuffs. “And what about the other layers of security?”

“There’s two layers of security. That was the tricky part, but I’ve talked to a few of my patients and they’ve agreed to… start a ruckus as a distraction. As long as most guards are occupied with the patients, the ones out there won’t have backup. We can knock them out easily.”

He smacks his mouth. “It all sounds too easy.”

You move to his other wrist, pushing the hair pin into the cuff. “I know, but it’s not gonna be easy. Things are going to go wrong but we’ve gotta try.” Again, with a bit of a struggle, the cuffs pull open with a satisfying click. You look down at his ankles, grateful that it seems he hasn’t been cuffed there. “You’re free.”

He stands up, stretching himself out, and you watch with earnestness as he groans and cracks his knuckles. “Not just yet, dolly. Got that remote handy?”

You grab the remote from your purse before tossing the purse to the side. You won’t be needing that anymore. “Got it.” As you stare down at the remote, everything hits you way too fast, like a mallet to the chest. Your breathing falters, your heartbeat speeding up with a rapid bump bump bump-. It’s not that you’re scared, not necessarily, but you’re scared that you’ll fail both you and Joker. You’re not J. You don’t know how to do this shit. “I…”

Everything goes blurry and it takes you a second to realize Joker has moved in front of you. He places his hands on your shoulders, bending slightly to look you right in the eye. “You’ve got a sharp mind, dolly. I, ah, know you wouldn’t fail,” he says, an odd reassurance but it works, and you can feel your breathing go a bit steadier. Then you realize how close the Joker is. He’s touching you, no cuffs, no table between you, no barriers. He’s right in front of you, all of him. “We’re getting out of here.”

“Right,” you mumble, straightening yourself. Much to your disappointment, he drops his hands from you, moving towards the door. You suppose it’s now or never. With a shaky breath, you follow after him, moving to the opposite side of the door. Now, the both of you stand on either side, prepared for whatever comes your way. “Ready?” you ask him.

He nods. “Ready, Doc.”

You press the green button.

The both of you press your backs to the wall as you hear the door click open. It’s far too early into the session for you to be leaving, so the guards must know something is wrong. The first guard walks in, the door swinging open so that it blocks the view of J, while you hold your breath to keep quiet. The guard doesn’t notice you, and his mouth drops open as he sees the table empty. He draws his gun, holding it out. “What the fu-“

Springing into action, Joker grabs the guard from behind, picking him up and throwing him across the room. The guard screams, his gun flying away from him as he hits the floor. In one quick swoop, Joker grabs the gun off the floor and jams the butt of it into the guard’s head, just as the other guard runs inside the room, already firing shots. J made it look so easy, but this other guy is your problem. Filled with a sudden adrenaline, you come up behind him, kicking him forward. You’re not the strongest, so he only stumbles, immediately whipping around to try and shoot you. Combat certainly isn’t your strong suit, not yet, but you can move exceptionally well. You sidestep him as he tries to ram the gun into your stomach, and you opt to knee him in the groin. He groans and tries to shoot you again, and you squeal as the bullets pierce the walls. Thank god the room is soundproof otherwise the guards outside would have come running in. From the corner of your eye, you catch Joker watching you. He’s holding the gun. He could shoot the guy easily but he doesn’t. He wants you to take the guard down. 

“Bitch,” the guard mutters, opting to try and throw himself on top of you just for you to dodge him again, lifting your leg and giving him a good knock to the ribs. He cries out, and as he tilts to the side, you give him a good punch to the temple. With a sick pleasure, you watch as he collapses to the floor, eyes wide open, barely breathing. Quickly, you grab his gun, not wanting to take any chances. 

You look up at Joker, who’s smiling as he watches you catch your breath, gripping the gun in your hand. “Impressive, doll. Though, ah, you definitely need to work on your skills.”

“You’re the one who gave me a night to think of this,” you grumble, and he chuckles. “Wasn’t exactly able to take a defense class.”

“I’ll teach ya.”

Suddenly, the room begins to glow red, sirens blaring that make your bones vibrate. You look at him in panic, he looks at you with excitement. Clearly, you both have very different definitions of fun. The sirens aren’t for you though, the Arkham security team doesn’t like to cause commotion for just a single patient causing mayhem. The patients must have started a ruckus, whether it be a riot or starting a fight with one another, you hadn’t gone into the details. You just told them to be distracting. 

You tilt your head towards the door. “Coming?”

“You go first, doll.”

You move ahead, prying the door open. Two more guards stand in the room, talking in hushed whispers beneath the blare of the siren. They don’t even notice you as you hold out the gun, firing into one guard’s shoulder and immediately spinning and shooting the other one in the hand. The guard whose hand you shot drops to the floor, their gun hitting the ground alongside them, and you quickly move forward and kick it. But as you kick the gun, a bullet flies out in front of you, nearly grazing your nose, and you spin around, the guard who you shot on the shoulder aiming his gun right at you. Fuck. You tense as his finger moves to pull the trigger again but before he can move any farther a bullet digs into his side and then one into his chest and he goes limp. 

You turn to see Joker huffing with the gun in his hand still smoking. “Doll, you’ve got a lot to learn. You’re not even-“ He turns and shoots the other guard in the chest “-getting in good shots. You’re leaving yourself vulnerable. Gotta make sure you get em’ where they can’t shoot back.”

“I’m sorry,” you mumble, suddenly feeling embarrassed. You didn’t expect to be this unprepared.

Seeing your expression, Joker falters a bit. “No apologies. I’ve told you, it, uh, doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s just a word.” He comes up to you and nudges you with his shoulder. “C’mon. Last room of guards before we have to run, right?”

“Right.”

“Well then,” he says, pointing to the door with his gun. “You first.”

This time, you don’t want to screw things up. You put the gun behind your back, pulling the door open with your other hand and entering the final room. This room has a security camera in the corner, so you don’t want to go in all guns blazing. You have an idea, and with the gun, gesture for Joker to stay hidden. You hope that’s what your gun waving conveys anyways. Three guards turn to look at you, the ones that greeted you when you first came in, two men and a woman. They’re all masked but you can make out the slight outline of their face beneath the face shield.

The woman runs forward, no gun drawn, leaving it still hanging at her hip. “Miss l/n, what happened?” She tries to crane her neck to see behind you but you’ve inched the door closed enough so she can’t see too much on the other side. “What happened with the nutbag? Are the guards attending to him?” 

You nod rapidly, trying to look like you’re startled. Your acting skills might need some touching up, another thing to work on. “Yes, I- I just wasn’t feeling very comfortable… Felt like I needed to get out of there.”

The woman snorts. “Alright, ma’am. Well, is there anything you need from us? Some other whackos are causing a disturbance.”

“Yes, I, um-“ You pull out your gun. “I need you to step aside and let us through.” You slam the barrel into her stomach, sending her flying backwards, and in one fluid motion you shoot the security camera in the corner and then train your gun on one of the other guards. You can sense Joker step out from behind you, shooting the other guard before he can even lift his own gun. The guard you’ve trained your gun on aims his gun right back at you. “You’re gonna let us go, ain’tcha?” you say, trying to keep your voice from shaking. You have to remain confident. “Or else this bullet is going in your head, right, Mr. J?” you say, looking at Joker. If you’re gonna be a villain to these people, might as well play the part.

Joker nods, mimicking your stance and pointing his gun at the guard. “Whaddya say, doll, what should we do if he, uh, refuses to listen?”

You tighten your finger on the trigger. “I can think of a few things.”

The guard drops his gun, raising his hands in surrender. It sends warmth through your chest. Even if it's sickly satisfying. You feel proud. “Okay, okay,” he blubbers, looking between them both. “Please just don’t kill me, I’ll let you go, please.”

Joker giggles. “How generous, you know, normally I’d use you to get out of this place but I don’t think we need the extra weight.” Joker shoots the man in his left hand, bam, then once in the other, bam. “Looks like you won’t be able to do much! Buh-bye!” The man faints immediately.

Seeing Joker at work, this sinister side of him you’ve only seen on the screen, makes you shiver, and your grip on the gun only tightens, knuckles going white. “The uniform. Take his uniform.”

Joker pouts at you. “Aw, it ain’t even my color.”

“J,” you warn.

“Kiddingggg, doll. Why so serious?” Grabbing the man, Joker strips him of his uniform roughly, getting each piece off before stripping out of his own clothes. Your cheeks turn pink and it all happens so fast before you can even think to turn your head and give him privacy. He pulls his shirt up over his head, chest in full display. The first thing that catches your eyes are all the scars and bruises littering his stomach, pink and jagged, scars you want to trace beneath your fingertips. He’s surprisingly toned, just like his arms. Not muscular exactly, but strong looking. Before you can get a better look, he pulls on the guard’s black undershirt, then fastens on the bulletproof vest. When he catches you staring, he grins. “Enjoying the show?”

You turn your head as he kicks off his pants, though you can still see him in your peripheral, throwing on the black cargo pants the guard had donned. “No,” you lie.

“And, are you, uh, gonna be gracing us with a costume change as well?”

You bite back a smile. “No.”

“Pity.”

When he’s finally done, you turn around just as he puts on the helmet. You don’t like that it’s hiding his face from you but you can still see his scarred smile if you look hard enough. “Lookin’ good, soldier,” you tease, saluting him. 

His lips twist into a smirk. “Lucky I like givin’ orders. Let’s move.”

“Okay, J, for this part, you’ve gotta follow me. I’ll run up ahead and lead you down to where we need to go, you gotta take out anyone you can. Got it?”

“Let’s see if we die or not, shall we?”

“You could try and be positive .”

You open the door, poking your head out to look around, and shit, it’s chaos out there, guards running back and forth, clearly busy with whatever the patients started. You can hear screams, banging, and laughter beneath the sound of the still screeching sirens. The place still glows a flashing red. You point to the right, down a long hallway. “This way!” you shout, running towards a set of doors at the every end of the hall. Arkham is a bit of a labyrinth but you know it well. Down that hallway leads to another hall which leads to more doors which then, finally, leads to the staff wing of Arkham. It’s where the back exit/entrance is. And also where you’ve parked your getaway vehicle. 

You don’t wait for Joker, but you can hear his steps behind you, the combat boots he stole pounding on the floor. Nobody seems to notice either of you at first, or they’re too busy to even give it any mind. You know eventually someone will run past Joker’s conference room and realize he’s not inside. His room empty. All traces of him gone. But you hope you’ve bought at least a bit of time. 

As you run, more guards run past you, and you’re nearly knocked off course as one bumps your shoulder. You keep steady on your feet though. Thank goodness for all those gymnastics lessons. The only time you glance over your shoulder is to make sure Joker is behind you before you push through the doors. Once you see him in all his suited up glory, you carry on through the doors, Joker just a step behind. “To the right again,” you yell. There’s less guards down here, but that means even more likely you’ll be caught. Already, you can see them turn to you, wondering what the hell you’re doing running off with one of the guards close behind. As the two of you run, one of the guards turns their attention to you. “Hey! What are you two doing?” the guard barks, running up in front of you. “The lady has a gun!”

You could probably give them an excuse that you’re running away from the danger but you feel too angry. “Running to safety, dumbass!” you say, using the gun like a hammer and hitting them on the head like a game of whack-a-mole. That was a hell of a lot more fun than shooting a gun. As the guard crumples to the floor, at least five other guards take notice, and you have to quickly jump over the guard’s unmoving body to run as fast as you can through the doors. You can hear gunshots explode all around you, it’s like a miracle you’re not hit, and you can tell which gunshots come from the guards and which from J. But before you know it, every single one of them falls flat on the floor. “Nice one, J,” you say, and he cuts up ahead of you, opening the door for you.

“Ladies first,” he says.  

“So gentlemanly.” You shoot out ahead of him. Now you’re in the staff hallway, lined with doors which leads to locker rooms and places to conduct meetings. At the very end of the hall is the exit. You’d be jumping for joy if it wasn’t for the fact that any second more guards would be chasing after you.

You grab his arm, pulling him down the hall, running faster than you ever have in your entire life. “Exit this way!” you scream through the chaos, heading into the “staff only” area of the building. Looming ahead of you, just down the hall of rooms and lockers, is the staff exit, leading to the back end of Arkham. You look over to Joker. “You ready?”

Joker moves his arm away from you, instead grabbing onto your hand with his own free one. “As I’ll ever be.”

The two of you barrel down the hall, practically slamming into the exit doors, desperately tugging them open. There doesn’t seem to be many people around except for a few guards lining the outside, and Joker moves to take care of them as you yank him towards your car. Well, your stolen car. You weren’t gonna risk coming in your own vehicle. “Here,” you say, pointing to a black car in front of you. Letting go of J’s hand, you stuff yourself into the driver's seat, and Joker shoots at another guard before cramming himself into the passenger seat. “Drive,” he yells, and you grab the keys from your pocket, turn them in the key hole, and slam on the pedal. He throws off his mask, tossing it in the back seat. “Faster!”

As you get to driving, you remember the final bits of your plan. The part you’re most proud of. “Hey, J, wanna hear what other distraction I planned?” you yell over the roar of the engine, as you swerve around the parking lot.

“Whaddisit?”

“Gas! The same kind they might have used on you. Rigged it all up on my own. The patients should be all rounded up in their cells by now and the guards? They’re getting knocked out cold!”

You have to focus, but you turn towards Joker, your heart swelling in your chest when he looks impressed. His eyes are wide as he pulls down the window and looks back at Arkham as you pump it straight out of the parking lot, taking down the small security gate. In your rear view mirror, you can see green explosions of gas within the windows. If all worked well, only the guards should be getting knocked out about now, leaving no one to come after you. Police will be on their way, but that at least gives you a bit more time and them a distraction. Plus, they aren’t sure what they’re looking for, no clue what car or who helped Joker escape, not until they can wake the guards.

Now, you realize, you can’t just go back to your apartment. It’s too risky. You look at J as you slow the car, trying to blend in with the rest of Gotham traffic. You failed to plan this far. “J, I don’t know where to go now.”

“I do,” he says, leaning over, making sure not to put too much weight on you or crush you as he takes hold of the wheel. “Just pump the gas, doll, I’ll get us somewhere safe.”

It sounds like a horrible idea, but you nod. You’d make it work. “Okay,” you say, and as the light turns green, you hit the gas. It’s scary as hell just controlling the gas, letting Joker swerve you both around, but you trust him. Ha, funny. You trust the Joker. He drives you towards the outer parts of Gotham, and as you enter a rather dingy residential street, he moves the car off the road. “Park it here,” he says, and you obey, pressing the brake and shifting the car into park. 

“Why here?”

“I’ve got a spot around here.”

“You have an apartment?”

He snorts. “No, I’ve got a, uh, hideout spot in one of the abandoned warehouses at the outskirts of Gotham. And it wouldn’t be very wise to park right outside the entrance.” 

Smart, you hadn’t thought of that. Clearly you lack experience in this realm. You grab the keys and throw open the door, Joker doing the same, and the two of you begin walking on the sidewalk, Joker taking the lead. Darkness has already set over the city, and the two of you walk beneath the light of dim street lamps. It’s cold out, and your white coat isn’t exactly meant to keep you warm, so you hug yourself to try and keep away the chill. “Is it very far?” you ask, and you realize this is the first quiet time you both have had together since escaping. You’ve been too anxious over escaping to even think about everything that’s happened. To think of how the Joker is right next to you, taking you to one of his many hideaways. 

Joker shakes his head. “Not too far, doll.”

Silence settles upon you both, the two of you far too preoccupied with getting to the warehouse to say much of anything else.

As you walk, the blare of sirens starts up in the distance, and when you turn behind you, you can see police lights in the distance. You’re positive they’re not for you, not yet, but if they even caught a glimpse of the Joker, the two of you would be over. Joker knew this too, clearly, grabbing your arm and picking up his pace, practically dragging you as he began to run. Everything is a blur as the two of you fly through the streets. Even though you’re not bad at running, after a few twists and turns, your legs start to hurt, your chest feeling heavy. But Joker doesn’t stop, probably used to running from lord knows what. Before you can register anything, you’re climbing over gates and Joker pushes open the large doors of the abandoned warehouse, pulling you in and up a crumbling flight of stairs until you reach the second floor.

Finally, Joker and you stop moving, taking time to catch your breath. Fuck, everything hurts.

You gasp, throwing yourself against the concrete wall of the warehouse, sliding down until your butt hits the floor. Your chest moves rapidly up and down as you try to catch your breath. Joker crouches in front of you. “Breathe, just breathe, good girl.” He holds out his arms. “C’mere.”

Immediately, you lean forward and throw your arms around him, going limp. He stands up, taking you with him, your legs dragging lifelessly on the floor until only the tips of your toes touch the concrete. You bury your face into his shoulder, and for a second everything feels right. Finally, a quiet moment, and everything crashes down on you, every decision you’ve made. It takes a second for you to process that you’re hugging the Joker, and he’s letting you hug him back. This man, this villain you’d become infatuated with, was holding you close. You’ve imagined something like this before, even when you didn’t want to, but this is better than any of that. “We did it,” you mumble into his guard shirt, which smells like rust and gunsmoke. “We escaped.”

“You did it,” he says, and when you finally pull back to look at him, he’s smiling at you. He gently settles you back on to the floor. “They’re going to come looking for us though. We’ll need to lay low for the moment.”

“In here?” It’s strange to be so close, your arms still wrapped around his neck. “This where you usually stay?”

“I stay all over.”

“Very spacious,” you say, moving your head to look around. “Where do you sleep though? On the hard floor?”

“Chaos doesn’t sleep, darling.”

“No, but people sure do.” You tug gently on one of his locks of hair and he growls. “You need sleep.”

“Can’t sleep now. Not when we’re being pursued.” He wrinkles his nose. “This your first time being a wanted criminal?”

“Duh.”

“I really can’t believe you did it, doll. Made up a whole plan and everything and got me out of Arkham.” Much to your dismay, he moves away from you, walking to some other part of the building. You hesitantly follow after him. “We can camp out here for the night but then we’ll have to move.” In a secluded corner of the room, a moth-eaten curtain hangs from the ceiling, concealing that whole part of the room. Joker takes the curtain in his hand, then looks at you. “Course, we can’t exactly fend for ourselves without weapons, can we?”

Yanking back the curtain, on the other side is a wall full of all sorts of weapons. Guns, knives, even TNT. There’s crates full of clothes, Joker’s clothes, you assume. Some clown masks. All sorts of tools for mischief. You look at it all like a child in a candy store. “J, this is amazing. Isn’t it kind of risky keeping it locked up in here though?”

“I’ve got some goons guarding it. And nobody in Gotham comes in here anymore, I’ve made sure of it.” He shrugs. “If anyone were to find it, let em’ take it, I’d just get duplicates and use them all on the thief.”

You move forward to get a better look at everything as Joker drifts behind you. It should be scary just how much violence is here at his fingertips but know it just makes you swell inside.

“So, how about it, doll? Pick your poison,” Joker says, holding your shoulders from behind. You look over all your options. The guns weren’t exactly your style, you were better at hitting people with them than you were at shooting them. The blades looked nice, and you’d like to learn to use them, but they could only do so much. Something that did catch your eye, sticking out from the other weapons, was a mallet in the corner. It was a tad comically large, definitely not the regular kind you’d see on a construction site. You move forward, Joker moving with you, and grab the handle. 

“Whaddya have this one for?” you ask.

“Uhhhh, to kill people with?”

You glare at his snarky response, though you’re still smiling. “I figured that much. Where’d you get it from though?”

“Amusement Mile.” The old, abandoned theme park towards the other end of Gotham. It’s been shut down ever since you were a child, but you remember your parents driving past it. Seeing a place that must have been so exciting and colorful look so dark and decrepit was chilling. “Found it at one of those old high striker games. Adjusted it a bit.”

Lifting it, you test the weight. It’s definitely heavy, but the weight is distributed evenly, making it easy to maneuver. You give it a quick swing, the whoosh of the mallet like music to your ears. This was what you needed. Sturdy, not too hard to wield, and perfect to pair with your swiftness. “I want this one.”

“Gonna play a game of whack-a-bat with that one?” He maneuvers in front of you, grabbing the handle of the mallet before you could give it another swing. “You can take that one. But you need a gun too. The mallets they’re, uh, too big to get around places sometimes.”

You look back at the wall and point at a small silver gun. “I’ll take that one too.”

He grins. “Are you sure you’re, ah, ready to cause some damage?”

You drop the mallet. “I’ve been ready.” All your life you’ve been pushed to the side. No, pushed to the ground. You were ready to hurt some people back. To make skyscrapers crumble and leaders fall. This anger inside you boils, and you can feel your grip tighten on the handle, envisioning every person who has wronged you.

Joker’s laugh pulls you back to reality, stepping up closer in front of you. “Calm down there, lovely. They call me the Harlequin of Hate but I think that title better suits you,” he says, cupping your chin. “My little Harlequin, partner to the Clown Prince of Crime.”

————————-

That night, you’re stuck sleeping on a mattress on the floor. 

You flop down on your back, the mattress not the comfiest thing you’ve ever slept on but it works. There’s no blanket, so no way of keeping warm, and you try and shift around to find a comfortable position. Joker sits on the edge of the mattress, his knees tucked up to his chest, and it’s such an odd sight to see him so regular that you laugh. His head jerks to look at you. “Admirin’ the view?”

“Maybe,” you say, smiling as you lay on your side. “It’s just weird to see you here. Not in Arkham or fighting B-Man.”

He hums. “It ain’t everyday I bring people around ere’. At least, not like this.”

“Lucky me, huh?”

“You realize you’re in this forever now, right? There’s, uh, no goin’ back from here.”

The weight of it settles on you. “I know... I wouldn’t have gone along if I didn’t know that.”

“Well, if you wanted to go, you could go now. You could walk free, tell the cops I threatened you and made you do all this.” He looks down at his feet. “I, ah, won’t stop you.”

You’re surprised to find your eyes watering. Joker, this menace, a force to be reckoned with, was giving you the option to leave. He could be fooling you, of course, but you could tell from the way the words escaped him awkwardly, uncomfortably tender, that he meant every bit of it. He’d let you go, you could continue your regular life, maybe find a better job. But that wasn’t the point of why you freed him. You wanted to escape too, to show Gotham how corrupt it was, and you wouldn’t do that without J. “I’m not walking away,” you say back.

“You’re insane, ya know that?”

“I know.” You stare at one another in silence. Finally, you yawn. “Are you… are you gonna come to bed?” You’re not sure exactly what’s going on between you and Joker. You like him, you know that much, but how much exactly does he like you? Enough to keep you around, obviously. But to what extent did he want you around? Did he want not just your loyalty but also your affections? You were ready to give affection, but was he? 

Joker shakes his head, and you feel yourself grow disappointed. “You go on, doll. I, uh, gotta keep watch.”

“Mr. J-“

“I like it when you call me that.”

“-You’ve gotta get some sleep. You’re gonna pass out without it.”

“I’ll be fine,” he grumbles. “Don’t ya get your pretty little head worried over it.”

“You’re an ass.”

Your anger only makes him smile. “If you’re so, ah, worried, then just wake up early and I’ll drift off for a bit.”

“Then that’s exactly what I’ll do,” you say, flipping over, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing you ticked off. You’re not actually upset, you just wished Joker prioritized himself a bit more. That was something to deal with another day. “Goodnight, J.”

“Night, darlin’.”

That night you dream of Gotham in flames. You dream of chaos. You dream of him.

Taglist:

Taglist: @lightsabergirl / @knoepfl / @jeffswh0re / @itsmrshamilton / @heath-ledger-jokers-wife / @lolwey / @ilovetoomanymen / @amazingzou/ @ronniesweetkisser / @emberhatesthemoon

lmk if you'd like to be added to the taglist!

[gh0stly-pages]

So I started reading “out of our minds” yesterday before bed. And today I had to not only turn off my phone but also lock it away so I wouldn’t be tempted to read it while at work. Safe to say this is my new obsession

This is me while reading it btw

LMAOOO exactly the effect I was intending for (ty this is like the best compliment ever)

[gh0stly-pages]

Out of Our Minds (Part Four)

Ledger!Joker x Harley Quinn-esque f!reader (18+)

CW: swearing, mentions of blood

Words: 5.9k

Chapter Summary: More sessions pass and while you learn more about the Joker, the pull you feel towards him grows stronger. Yet this time, it feels like everything is starting to change...

Previous part: Part 3

Notes: We back, and things are really picking up this time. Hope this distracts everyone who might be going through a tough time right now. <3 Things really pick up in this one, and I'm already excited to drop the next part lol. Have fun with this one!

With every session your infatuation for the Joker only grows.

At first, you tell yourself it comes from your want (well, need) for him to progress, both for the sake of actually seeing him healed and for the sake of your survival. Then eventually, you think it comes from the fact that his mind truly is incomprehensible, and you want to know what’s going on inside of it, want to crack open his skull and see every gear. But now, you’re not even sure what it is exactly that keeps you feeling empty anytime you’re not in a session with the Joker. You don’t know what you’re chasing anymore. Everything is just one big mind fuck.

Slowly, the Joker becomes more and more human to you. Where others still see some kind of raving, homicidal madman, you see a person. 

As your sessions carry on, you tell him more things about you, and you learn more things about him. He likes junk food. He is skilled with almost every gun known to man. He owns over thirty blades. His sleep schedule is so all over the place that he doesn’t even know what day it is ever. He prefers nights over mornings. He drinks his coffee with lots of creamer. Every fact you’ve tucked away in your mind and you’re not sure for what.

You like it when he tells you something personal about himself, but he likes when you do it even more. “I was a gymnast for a long time,” you told him once, much to his surprise. Even you hadn’t expected to get into that part of your life. “I had to stop once I started going to school, just got too busy, but I was real good at it.”

“Gymnastics, huh?” He said, grinning, and you figured he must be imagining you, usually so rigid, flying through the air. It sounded like a joke. You were surprised he wasn’t laughing. “So, you’re pretty, ah, light on your feet?”

You smiled to yourself, thinking of all the memories. It had felt so nice to throw yourself into all that hard work. When you were flipping in the air, you felt free. “Guess you could say that. Certainly hasn’t come in handy though, in my line of work.”

“It may come in handy with mine. You’d probably make a good fighter, Doctor l/n.”

The thought of you fighting anyone made you laugh out loud. Have you thought about fighting people before? Of course. All your life people have hurt you and you wanted to hurt them back. But in the end, you had decided that wouldn’t do any good. Now, however, as you kept imagining it, the Joker appeared at your side, and you were winning this fight, him laughing maniacally beside you. It sent a sort of thrill through you. You didn’t like it. “Luckily, I’m not in your line of work.”

He had winked. “You can always change your mind.”

Alongside learning bits of things about him, he also taught you a few new skills, probably antsy to test them out considering he’s strapped to a bed most of the time. He (as best as he could still cuffed to a table) tried to teach you to pick a lock, how to get a perfect shot with a gun, how to rig up TNT. It was nothing you needed to know, nor anything you thought he should be thinking about, but you went along anyway because it was best he knew you were there to support his interests. As dark as they were…. You’d work on that. 

After your last session, you decided to bring something up to Mr. Dale.

“Doctor y/n, your progress has been very minimal,” he had commented as you walked up to him, before you could even open your mouth.

You frowned. “It’s the Joker, sir. It’s not going to move very fast-“

“Well, I am tired of waiting. The longer he sits in that cell I fear the worse he’ll get, and then what? He snaps and tries to kill us all?” He cleared his throat, adjusting his collar. You wanted to smack him. “Is there any way you could hurry up the process?”

Don’t rush me, was what you wanted to scream, but that wasn’t going to get you anywhere but kicked to the curb. “I do think I have an idea,” you said, trying to direct him to why you came up to him in the first place. “You need to let me bring in his makeup.”

Mr. Dale’s eyebrows shot up. And, of course, he began to laugh. If it weren’t for growing used to the Joker doing it so often, it would really piss you off. “You want to turn him back into a clown? Miss l/n, I fear that would only encourage him.”

“First off, it’s Doctor l/n,” you point out sternly. You’ve had enough of him treating you like less. If there’s another thing the Joker has taught you, it’s to not take shit from others. “And second, I want him to embrace himself. If he can be this clown persona he sees him as, we can take this persona and shape it so that it’s less… violent. Then, the makeup will no longer be something he associates with villainy. Please, Mr. Dale, I know what I’m talking about.”

You smiled wide as Mr. Dale’s face fell, absolutely shattered by your words. He wiped a few beads of sweat from his forehead. “Alright, Doctor l/n, I will allow it however if it ends badly-“

“It wont.” 

“You’re getting too comfortable. It’s his fault, I’m sure. I was right, he breaks people.”

You wish you could grab him by the collar and pull him close, but instead you settle on a deadly glare, looking him right in the eye. “I’m not broken. J isn’t broken.”

“Well, you’ve changed.”

You scoffed and turned away. “See you later, Mr. Dale.”

You have changed. You’re not sure if it’s for the better or not.

—————————

For your session, you walk in with a gentle smile, the tubes of makeup in your bag clinking together. You’re going to keep it a surprise, for later in the season. You’re not really sure why you feel giddy, but you do. It sort of outweighs your exhaustion, you’d run to the store late that night to pick up the same paints the Joker was said to have used. And when the guards finally let you in through the door, your smile grows even wider at the sight of the Joker, who is already smiling back at you. Not just because of the scars, it’s an actual smile. At first, his smiles had been menacing, but now you feel they’re actually kind of… nice. “Well, hello, doll face. So lovely to see you again.”

“Hiya, Mr. J,” you respond, taking your seat. “How are you doing today?”

“You know me, Doctor l/n, your presence puts me in a much better mood.” He props his chin up on his fist. “You look beautiful today.”

The past few sessions, Joker has certainly grown more flirty. It’s not something you’re a stranger to, the other patients have tried their hand at it, usually to try and get on your good side, but it’s different coming from Joker. You know he likes to rile you up, but you can’t help but feel the words are mostly genuine. “I look like this everyday,” you point out, not wanting to show him how his words affect you. 

“And you are, ah, beautiful everyday, doll.”

“Mr. J, refrain from flattery, please.”

He bows his head, pretending to be upset like a kicked puppy. “Oh, you’re no fun sometimes, Dr. l/n. You know I like to tease ya.”

“Some of the guards told me you’re allowed to roam around your cell now,” you say, trying to switch the subject before he can completely throw you off course. He’s good at that. “How are you liking that?”

“Hmmmm, well, I, ah, went from being stuck permanently standing in a small cell and now I can walk around the cell. Once you’ve walked it once you’ve, ah, seen it all.” He looks to one side of the room. “A wall there.” His head swerves to the other. “Oh, and one there too! What a surprise!” He chuckles to himself. Nothing makes Joker laugh more than his own nonsense. 

“So, not much better?”

Joker shakes his head. “Nah ah ah, not one bit. Can barely even make a ruckus too, the doors conceal all my banging and kicking and laughing. The guards can’t even get annoyed with me.”

You bite your cheek. “You really like being a nuisance, huh?”

“I do like to make people tick.” He wets his lips. “Especially pretty psychiatrists with sharp minds.”

Already, you can feel your cheeks warming. Embarrassment, that’s all it is. You, once again, try and take the conversation back to what you actually need to be in there for. “How about we get started, huh?”

Joker nods, smacking his lips together. Despite how much he licks them, they’re always chapped, the skin cracking. “What am I in for today? I feel we’ve talked about everything we possibly can.”

“And yet you’re no closer to getting out of here, are you?” You smirk at him as you bring out your clipboard. “I feel like I’ve been keeping it too light these past few sessions. I’ve learned a lot about you but you still won’t let me reach past the barrier.”

“What barrier?”

“The barrier between you and whoever you were before you became the Joker.”

His lips twist into a frown. Again, his past touches a nerve. “Dolly,” he warns, “I’ve told you, whatever came before doesn’t matter. I’ve always been the Joker. You won’t find anything past that.”

Once again, Joker is being a stubborn ass. As much as you enjoy talking with him, he also drives you nuts. “You’re saying your life started once Batman came to the scene?”

“He gave me purpose. What’s a joke without the punchline? Batman is the punchline.” 

“You were a child once, Joker.”

“Like most people, yes.”

“And how was your childhood?”

He ignores your question, grumbling as he stares at his cuffed wrists, rotating them as you sit there expectantly. You realize he’s not going to answer you and groan. So, he doesn’t want to dive into the past. You’re not going to force him. Prying was never the best way to go about things. You’d leave it alone again… for now. “Okay, sorry, Mr. J, we can move on. Is there anything that you’d like to talk about?”

Joker raises an eyebrow, not confused but suspicious. “You’re just gonna turn it into some kind of analysis moment, aren’t you?”

He knows me too well. “Well, that is my job. But no. Just, talk to me.” You hold your hands together, resting your chin on them. “About anything.”

“Hmmmm.” He looks like he’s having trouble thinking of something. “I’ve been thinking about Batman.”

“B-Man.” Of course. “What have you been thinking about him?”

“Those last moments I saw him, his expression. He looked so shattered.” You’re not really sure what he’s talking about, and you’re sure your face betrays this but he goes on anyway. “Oh, I’d live for a moment like that again. Seeing Batman react to my schemes, it’s so pleasing.”

“Do you consider your vendetta against Batman more for yourself or on behalf of the people of Gotham?”

He points at you. “There’s the analysis question. You can calm down there, Doc.” Joker coughs. “Behalf makes me sound like mister tall, dark, and dorky,” he snorts. “I’m trying to pull back everyone’s mask, but especially the Bat’s. I mean I, ah, already broke down Harvey Dent.”

That makes you go still. You hadn’t thought much on Harvey Dent, or how what Joker did may have affected him. You’re not sure if broken is the right word. Maybe scarred. Figures.  “The explosion. Right.”

“Poor, poor Harvey Dent. Gotham’s White Knight broke right in half. All because of me!”

You frown. “Harvey Dent died a noble man, Joker. Batman killed him all because Harvey was trying to do good.”

Joker’s eyebrows shoot up. “Harvey Dent is dead? And Batsy killed him?”

Oh, fuck. You clap a hand over your mouth, shaking your head. You weren’t supposed to say anything. It was an accident, you hadn’t meant to let it slip. “I… no, I mean, yes but-“ you stumble to try and cover it up but there’s no going back. Joker knows. And, honestly, who cares? He was going to figure it all out eventually. You take a deep breath. “Yes. Harvey Dent is dead. Batman killed him and five other people. And then Batman… he disappeared.”

Joker shoots up from his chair, and it takes you aback, causing you to squeal. You instinctively push your back into the chair while Joker looms over you. You’re not sure what he’s feeling, his mouth a thin line, his nostrils fuming. “Doll, why didn’t you tell me this earlier?” he hisses.

“I… my bosses didn’t want me to. They were scared of what you’d do. That this would inspire you…”

You wait for him to yell, to react violently, but instead he laughs. This time though, it isn’t a creepy giggle or a small chuckle, it’s a full body laugh, the kind that contorts his body. It sounds like it hurts. “Batsy killing people?” he chokes out. “I don’t believe it. No, I don’t believe it-tah one bit.” He clutches his stomach. “Batman is a very hard person to break, believe me.”

“You… you don’t think he killed all those people?”

“Ha! Absolutely not. He would’ve killed me too, he had me in the perfect place to do it, multiple times. No no no, something’s wrong about this…”

Slowly, you loosen your posture, moving back closer to the table. You’ve never even thought that any of that mess could have been something made up. “I’m confused,” you admit. 

“Doll, do you know how hard I tried to get Batman to kill me? He won’t do it! He just won’t. He’s got his, ah, one rule, his precious little moral code. He had me in the perfect position to kill me so many times yet he didn’t take any of those chances. Yet now he says he’s killed off five people including Gotham’s little savior? Puh-lease. There’s more to this story than they’re letting up.”

You hadn’t thought about it that way at all. Well, probably because you had no reason to. Joker knew more about Batman than any Gothamite did. You didn’t know much about him other than his attempts at stopping crime. Who were you to know Batman supposedly didn’t kill? You admit, it was strange that he had a streak of getting rid of criminals in ways that didn’t involve killing, then suddenly turned and killed a few people? “Are you sure you didn’t… break him?”

“No, if I did I’d know it. I’d feel it. The Bat is about as stubborn as me, doll. And now he’s in hiding?” He sniggers, a hand gently touching his lips. “Sounds like some kind of, ah, twisted joke. The Bat is hiding something.”

“I’m sure he’s hiding lots of things.”

“Whatever this is though I’m curious about it.”

Of course. You just ignited a flame in him. Idiot. “Curiosity killed the cat, you know.”

“Good thing they got nine lives.” 

The more you think about it, the more intrigued you are. Batman has always been shrouded in mystery for you. Was he good? Was he bad? And now it turns out his story is all over the place, that it doesn’t make sense? You kind of wanted to know now too. “Do you think it has to do with Harvey?”

“Only one way to, ah, find out.”

“Which is?”

He looks at you like the answer is obvious. “Drive the Bat out of hiding, of course.”

There it is. Mr. Dale was right. You shouldn’t have told him. He was going to find out eventually but now was not the time. Shit. “J, you can’t-“

He cuts you off. “You don’t like the Bat, do you?”

“Well, no, but-“

“Then don’t you wanna know what his little secret is? It must be somethin’ real special if he’s, ah, abandoned Gotham. Doesn’t sound very heroic to me. Sounds rather dull.” 

You know Joker’s dead set on getting back Batman for his own amusement, but what of you? What reason would you want to go find him for other than to expose him? He locked up Joker and left him here to rot. He killed five people plus Harvey Dent. He gets to hide away while people still root for him, safe from consequences. Everyone else suffers. Maybe Joker has a point. “I’m just a psychiatrist working Arkham asylum, Mr. J, trying to seek out the Batman is far above my pay grade,” you finally say, snorting, trying to get the idea out of your head. “B-Man can’t hide forever.”

“You’re right. Because we’ll drive him out.”

“We?”

“Well, you like to do good, don’t you? Little miss Mother Teresa, over here. You’ve already offered me friendship. So come on, help me, help Gotham, help us all!” He shows you his yellowing teeth. “Or, are you not as good as you think you are?” He reaches out with his hands suddenly, moving towards you. They only reach about halfway across the table, stopped by his cuffs, but you still jump. “What’s behind that mask, dear? Tell me what you really want. Let. It. Slip. Every dirty detail.” 

You’re trembling now. Like a rabbit caught in a trap. “I… I’m not sure I’m following.”

“You’re not as good as you think you are, dolly. I can see it! I, ah, can sense the darkness looking beneath your white coat.”

What the hell was Joker going on about? That you were as rotten as he was? You weren’t. You had dark thoughts sometimes, yes, but you weren’t crazy. You weren’t crazy. You weren’t. You weren’t bad you- “I don’t know what you want from me,” you whisper.

As your voice gets quieter, Joker gets louder. “Is that it? You feel all fine and dandy in this shitty life of yours, locked up with me in this madhouse? The people out there don’t care about you, they don’t care about any of us. But you’re fine with it, huh? Like a little pet pooch nipping at their heels. You’re just being optimistic!”

“Joker-“

“Tell me,” he demands, “what you really want! I want to break Batman! I want to strip all of Gotham down to its rotting core! And you want to keep yourself beneath their boots? Dolly, please, you’re much much more than that.”

Heart thumping, you can’t take his words anymore. You stand up abruptly, slamming your hands on the table. “Fine! You wanna know what I want? I want to hurt every single person around here who has done me wrong! Every single person who ignored me or disregarded me, everyday I wish I could just rip them apart. I- I hate everyone. I hate this stupid fucking place because everyone treats me like shit and at first I was only trying so hard at this because I can harldy survive and they told me that if your sanity improved then I’d get a raise!” What is with you today? You clap your hands over your mouth, hands shaking. Fuck, Joker was going to be pissed. Oh, goddammit. “J… I- I didn’t…” You struggle to find the words, trying to keep looking him in the eyes. They give nothing away. He is silent. “Mr. J-“

Then, out of nowhere, he cackles. He throws his head back, neck exposed, and laughs into the air, the howls of his laughter echoing throughout the room. Immediately, you’re caught off guard. You can’t tell if he’s laughing because it amuses him or because he’s angry. Even when he calms down enough to look at you and smile, you still can’t tell, and you continue to shake. “Doll,” he begins through his laughs, “that’s exactly what I’m looking for.” He doubles over with howling laughter again and you’re not sure if you should be scared or confused. “This whole time you just wanted a raise! So you took on little old me?”

There’s a lump in your throat. You swallow it down. “I didn’t have much of a choice but yes… it was that or be fired. But I did really want to help you, Mr. J. Are- are you mad?”

“Mad? No! I am, ah, lovin’ this side of you. It’s so cruel.”

That certainly took a weight off your shoulders, and you finally took a long breath in. Fucking hell, Joker was confusing. Guilt still gnawed at you. “You’re right, I’m just as selfish as you say people are,” you mumble.

“Exactly,” he hisses. “But it takes guts to admit it, especially to someone who, ah, doesn’t exactly handle things very nicely.”

“I’m so sorry, J.”

“Don’t apologize. It doesn’t mean anything to me.”

“Then I don’t know what to do now. You’re set on getting Batman out of hiding, I’m going fucking crazy right now, everything feels so weird.”

Joker seems to find the utmost pleasure in your unraveling. “Doll, what’s in the bag?”

The question takes you off guard. “What?”

“When you came in, you were all giddy, and I could hear something moving in your bag I haven’t heard before. What is it?”

Ever so perceptive. “Oh… uh,” you fumble through your bag, bringing out the three tins of paint. “Your paint. They… they let me bring it for you.”

Joker’s smile falters a bit, yet he doesn’t look upset, just surprised. “My paint… You really brought it for me?”

You nod. “Y-yes.”

His voice dips low. “Put it on me then.”

Now that takes you by surprise. More than anything else that’s happened to you today.

The Joker is so guarded off, yet he’s inviting you in, allowing you to not just touch his face but apply his makeup. It feels sacred. This is a part of him that makes him not just recognizable, but feared. And here you are, being asked to put it on him. It’s so wrong it feels… right? It scares you.

“Are you sure you-?”

“Put it on me, y/n.”

If this is a test, you’re not exactly sure how to pass. But his look is unnerving and so you stand up, pulling yourself onto the table between you, a lump in your throat. You feel frazzled as you move close to him, bending your legs to the side of you as you settle on your thighs. This is the closest you’ve ever been to him. You can see every line of his scars, every wrinkle and crease on his face. “Okay,” you say, more to yourself than to him. You grab the white paint to the side of you, screwing off the lid and taking a large glob of the substance.

You loom close to him, your fingers wet with white paint, waiting for a sign that he’s okay with this. You don’t dare breathe, scared that any movement, any sound, will shut him down. But to your surprise, he doesn’t back away, he nods. Keep going. Your fingers finally land on his cheek, right beneath his eye, and you gasp at how warm his skin is. Joker shows nothing on his face to reveal how he feels except for the way his eye twitches slightly at your touch, his cheek twitching along with it. As you start to paint around his face, everywhere but his scars and lips, you wonder if his reaction stems from a disdain of being touched or from not having been touched so gently in so long. 

“Mr. J,” you whisper, and you can feel your hands start to shake again but you quickly steady them. Once his face is fully white, you dig into the black paint. He notices this and closes his eyes, letting you rub the dark paint in circles until each of his eyes look like they’ve settled into two, painted voids. When he opens his eyes again, they’re still trained right on you. “What am I doing?” you ask to no one in particular.

Joker doesn’t answer your question. He doesn’t have one for you anyways other than the obvious. “The red now, doll.”

“Y-yes, of course.” Quickly, you grab the red paint and stick your fingers in, moving them towards Joker’s lips but stopping. Putting the makeup on his face had been intimate enough but… his scars? That was a whole different kind of territory. “J…”

“Do it,” he murmurs, and it’s so quick you still wait, your hand just in front of his mouth shaking. This had to be a test. Some kind of sick joke. “Doll, can you, ah, hear me? I said ‘do it’.” 

You want to protest, but for what? He made it clear what he wants. So, you begin to smear the red across his lips, moving first to the scar on his right, your entire body shuddering as your fingers touch the sunken in skin where the carvings were made, the mangled flesh around it, every bump and curve. You don’t understand why anyone would ever find these scars ugly. To you, the way they healed, the way they are a part of him, there’s something hauntingly beautiful about it.

Godammit, J is beautiful.

As you continue to smear the red paint, he looms closer. “Do you wanna know,” he whispers, “how I got these scars?”

“I…” Of course you do. Everyday since you’ve met him, you go home and you can’t help but see his smile. See those scars. And you can’t help but wonder how they got there. You imagine a blade ripping across his mouth, drawing so much blood it drips down his chin. You’ve imagined him screaming in pain. You’ve imagined him uttering not a peep as the blade pierces his skin. So many possibilities. This was the barrier you’d been hoping to jump. “Yes,” you finally rasp.

“I can, ah, never get the story straight. It’s like a black hole, doll. A black hole in my mind. There’s so many ways I could’ve gottem, so many ways I think I gottem. What’s real? What’s not? Who the fuck cares?” Even with a furious growl in his voice, he laughs. “I can’t remember what it really was that did it. There was a horrible father. A wife who I tried so hard for. There was war, and violence, the mob, and so much pain. I’ve seen a lot. Maybe they’re all real memories, maybe they’re not, doesn’t matter! I hated the scars at first, I really did, but now? I embrace them because there is just so much to smile for. I’ve got so much left to do in this city. So much fun left to have. But there’s something I’ve been missing.”

You rub your thumb over his right scar, drawing in a shaky breath. “What is that?”

“I have all these plans, all these ideas and feelings over what I do and yet I’ve never thought anyone good enough to share them with. People, ah, will only be good to you for a while before runnin’ off with your secrets, it’s just human nature. I didn’t feel a kinship to anyone until you came along, Doctor l/n.” When he smiles, you feel the movement beneath your finger. “Look at you. So lonely. Letting everyone spit on you. Yet here you are, being so kind to me. I’m sure you imagined I could’ve killed you for keeping me along for a stupid paycheck, but you admitted it to me anyways. You are pulling back your own mask, right in front of me. You know you couldn’t fix me, right?”

You can feel tears welling in your eyes at his words, guilt gnawing at you. “I wanted to try at first. But now… I- I don’t want to fix you. I like what you are.”

“That,” he growls, “is exactly why I’m so drawn to you. I know, doll, that you crave something more than what you have now, this world kicking you down over and over and over again. I know the feeling. You’ve got nothing and everything to lose. Yet you manage to smile amidst the darkness. You smile in the face of pure chaos.”

“I don’t understand,” you mumble. 

“I want what’s best for both of us, doll face. You were right. I do need someone by my side. As I was saying, what I’ve been missing this whole time, was you.”

Your eyes grow wide. “Me?”

He nods. “You stuck with me this long. Even for a paycheck, that’s somethin’ no one else would do. And yet the big Arkham bosses are out there now, laughing at the both of us. Ain’t that unfair?”

“Yes.”

“Doll, stick by my side, and we’ll let them all know just how corrupt they truly are.”

Your arms break out in goosebumps. Every word the Joker utters is dripping with venom, an edge to each syllable. You’ve tried to ignore him, the way he crawls into your rib cage, into your mind, finding your weaknesses, your dark desires and whims you push away. Yet here he is, getting you to reveal them, and trying to get you to go along with him. It’s working. “Let’s show them, then.”

You look down at your fingers, covered in red, and it almost looks like blood. 

He grins. “That’s the spirit.” With a curl of his finger, he gestures for you to move closer. You do, and he cranes his neck towards your ear. “If you really wanna help me,” he whispers, his breath hot in your ear, “then tomorrow is the day you get me out of this place.” Every t is pronounced as sharp as a blade. “You’re smart, doll, I know you can think of something.”

Breaking Joker. Out of Arkham. A few weeks ago, you might have grabbed your remote and hit the red button but now? You think you might just take him up on that. You move back to look him in the eye. “You won’t help me think of something?”

“I’m sure you’ve got something in that, ah, pretty mind of yours.”

You huff. “J, I’m serious. This is Arkham. It’s constantly guarded and protected. And I’m just me.”

“Exactly.”

“What?”

“You’re you, sweets. No one’s gonna suspect you.”

Oh fuck. He’s right. No one gave a shit about you. You’d fly right under the radar. That part was easy. But everything else? This wasn’t exactly your forte. You didn’t know what to do. “I’ll try my best,” was all you could offer.

He reaches his hand out, and at first you think he’s trying to grab you, but instead he goes after one of the paint tins. The red paint. Agonizingly slow, he removes the cap, getting his fingers wet with paint. “Doll, you and I are gonna make something special. I always knew you had it in ya. C’mere.” You tilt your face towards him, and Joker smears the red across your lips, a mirror of his own striking smile. “Don’t forget to smile,” he says.

“Never.”

_______________

Later in the night, Joker stares at himself in the reflection of the small, grimy window of his cell door. His face is painted exactly the way he likes it, maybe just a bit different, but he could care less. This, this person he’s looking at, is the person he is, the person you have given back to him. He touches his face and he can still feel your phantom touch, the way you had run your finger over his face, his eyelids, his scars. You hadn’t backed off, or avoided them, you had touched them so softly. Soft. You were soft. 

You made Joker feel soft and he hated it.

Yet, he couldn’t fathom getting rid of you. It would be easy, definitely. If things actually went well tomorrow and you managed to get him out of Arkham, he could easily kill you off. No one would look for you. And even if they did, helping him break out of Arkham would mark you a criminal, and Gotham would curse your name forever. But Joker doesn’t want to do that. Even the thought of your death makes him angry. He is used to wanting to hurt people, yet when he comes across you now, he feels… protective. He knows how the world hates him, yet somehow you showed him sympathy. No, even better, you were showing him loyalty by offering to help break him out. And if you really went and did it? God, he almost breaks into chills.

When he looks at you, he notices his body reacting strangely. His heart speeds up, his hands feel sweatier, his mind feels like it’s going to split right in half. This isn’t the kind of insanity Joker usually basks in, this is something worse. He doesn’t want to put a name to it. You were so good, and yet when you let your mask slip, Joker couldn’t help but feel pulled in even more. What lies beneath you is dark and spiteful, and Joker wants to see all of it.

You won’t let him down tomorrow, Joker is sure of it. 

A voice on the intercom comes through the crack under the door, crackling through the speakers placed along the hall outside. “Shutting lights off. Everybody get to bed.”

Joker grunts, moving to plant himself down on his metal “bed”. He’s not going to sleep though, how could he? Chaos was coming, and you were bringing it straight towards him.

________________________________________________

When you get home, you stumble into the bathroom, quickly turning on the sink faucet and drenching your face in water. You let the ice cold water drip down your face, crying out as you try and get a grip on things. Your fingers are still covered in Joker’s face paint, the water hardly washing any of it off. It’s like he’s on you forever.

Why, for fucks sake, do you almost want it to never wash off?

You look at yourself in the mirror now, the makeup that Joker spread smeared down your chin. This is you now. Mr. Dale was right, you have changed. But fuck it, it was for the best. This change, this thing radiating beneath your skin, it’s something dangerous yet powerful. It moves you. You’re not crazy, you’re insane. 

You can’t tell what this feeling is towards Joker. It almost feels like… love.

Love for the Joker.

The Joker. The Joker. The Joker-

He was right. He was always right. People were going to walk over you all your life. You were tired of it. Nothing was going to change if you didn’t change it first. You couldn’t stand around and watch these people, with their pockets fat and their reputations swell, walk around with such pride when you knew they were all phonies. This city, your city, you’re going to unveil it. No longer will it crush you. You’re going to crush it. 

You were going to be Joker’s partner in crime. And you loved it.

Taglist: @lightsabergirl / @knoepfl / @jeffswh0re / @itsmrshamilton / @heath-ledger-jokers-wife / @lolwey / @ilovetoomanymen / @amazingzou/ @ronniesweetkisser / @emberhatesthemoon

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My Lord girl.. you are just on top of your game aren’t you?! Just saw you’ve uploaded two more chapters.

You know i hope you sleep just amazing tonight.

LMAO thank you!! <3 You too!! I’m glad people are enjoying them :)

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Out of Our Minds (Part Three)

Ledger! Joker x Harley Quinn-esque f!reader (18+)

CW: swearing, mentions of violence

Words: 4.1k

Chapter Summary: The third session with the Joker, and as you try and delve into the man he is, you can't help the connection you feel. Seems he might feel it too...

previous part: part 2 | next part: part 4

Notes: Hello everyone! Apologies for the wait, took a bit longer because of Halloween, was having too much fun to write. But here we are! This series is def picking up the pace now and soon we will dive into some real chaos lol. Please enjoy :) (I love inputting bits of Arkham dialogue in these because i can >:) )

_____________________________________________

On your way to work, it seems Gotham is in shambles. 

There seems to be some type of announcement going on, by someone from the GPD. You could care less, honestly, especially since you need to get to work before you’re late, but what piques your interest is the crowds of people. There is an obvious rift amongst them. Some of them hold signs displaying the infamous bat symbol, crying out in favor for Batman, it seems, some holding children at their hip who cry for the man they’ve lost. The other half push back against the pro-Batman crowd, yelling things like ‘murderer’ and ‘fraud’. The tension is so thick you can taste it. These people might tear each other apart.

Oh, if only Joker were here to see this. He’d never shut up.

A woman bumps into you, clutching a sign with that bat symbol painted on it, with words beneath it reading ‘come back’. You sneer, and she retreats back to her other Batman groupies. How could anyone get so worked up over a man in a mask? Take the mask off and we’re all messed up inside. Batman had worn the mask of a hero, parading around as Gotham’s salvation, and yet he killed people just like his enemies had. Like Joker had. Except Joker didn’t pretend to be someone he wasn’t. 

Mr. Dale may be right about keeping all this from Joker, but you can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt. He’s going to get out eventually and see all this mess. They can’t hide it from him forever. Even if he’s on house arrest for the rest of his damn life, he’s the Joker, and they won’t be able to stop him. They’re just scared. Scared that the Joker may have won. 

You walk through the city, broken into chaos, all the way to Arkham.

———————————————

This time when you enter Joker’s little conference room, he lacks his usual straitjacket, and you’re both surprised and relieved that your bosses actually listened to you. His asylum garb has been replaced with the usual Arkham patient outfit, an orange baggy shirt with matching orange pants. Immediately, as ashamed as you are, your eyes go to his arms, which are surprisingly lean and toned, probably from numerous fights. You trace his arms down to his hands, each of which have a separate handcuff linked to a man made circle jutting from the table. You look at every crinkle, every callus, every line. Human hands. Dangerous hands.

“Uh, doll, my eyes are up here, ya know.”

Shit. You look up into his eyes as you take your seat, shifting uncomfortably. “I’m… sorry, I was just-“ You try to search for an excuse, but it’s clear from the teasing look Joker gives you that he’s not looking for one. You flush. “I’m surprised they let you out of the jacket.” I’m surprised your hands are so normal. 

“Well, it certainly wasn’t from my good behavior,” he clucks, his tongue hitting the top of his mouth. “Did you ask them to get rid of it?”

You can’t tell if he’s angry or not. “I did.”

He breaks into his signature, manic grin. Not angry. Good. “I knew I liked you, doll.”

Joker doesn’t say ‘thank you’ or ‘I appreciate it’ but somehow, this is better. It’s probably as close as you’ll get to hearing those words from him and it ignites something in you. You feel proud of yourself. Proud that he’s proud of you. Before you can return his smile, you remember ‘hey, wait a fucking second, this is my patient The Joker we’re talking about here’. You settle for a small smile. Be professional. “Mr. J, I wanna start this session off by just saying I think we’re making some good progress-“

“Doctor y/n, you seem to have quite the fascination with my hands,” Joker interrupts, a giggle rising in his throat. 

Dammit. Were you looking at his hands again? You didn’t even fucking notice. You’re not trying to. You’re probably just a little shocked. Again, it’s like pulling back the curtain, getting a glimpse at the man behind the act. And there he sits, with such human looking hands. “Excuse me, I’m just…” You search for the words. “I’m not used to seeing you without being all wrapped in a jacket.”

“Well, ah, they’re just hands. Did ya think I’d have talons?”

“Maybe. Or maybe, like, robotic hands. Rocket launchers for hands. Something cooler.” Are you teasing him? Your patient? You might be teasing him, just a little.

At your teasing, his smile shifts sideways into a smirk, eyes thinning. “Cooler? What’s cool is, ah, what these hands have done. They’ve been the cause of the end of so many lives.” He tries to lace his hands together, but the handcuffs keep his arms too far apart, so his fingers touch only slightly. “Now, ah, where were we?”

You stumble to find the words. So much for professionalism. “R-right, sorry. I think we’re making real progress here. Yesterday was a good session, and I’m hoping today will follow suit.” You bring out your clipboard. Click your pen open. “Now, why don’t we pick up where we left off? We were analyzing your crimes-“

“Spectacles.”

“Whatever you wanna call em’. Now those are only one part of the man you call the Joker-“

“That is, ah, my name, doll face.”

You hold your hand up. “Let me finish. We haven’t talked about you. About this person you present as the Joker. And yes,” you say roughly, before he can cut you off again, “I know you say that you and this character you present are one in the same, but nobody is exactly the person they put out. I mean, you did say we all hide behind a facade. So, let’s talk about Joker, the one we see on TV getting the best of Batman.” You scribble a little picture of him, smiling wide and in his signature purple suit. Jutting your chin, you gestured for him to look at it. “This will be the outside Joker…” You do another little doodle, one of Joker without his makeup and in the Arkham garb. “And this will be the you in here.”

The Joker looks down at your drawings and bites the inside of his cheek. “Not much of a difference, doll face, except that I look even crappier in here.”

You roll your eyes. “Are you proud of the person that Gotham has come to know?”

“Define proud.”

“Do you feel a sense of satisfaction over the person you allow Gotham to see? This crazy clown figure?”

Joker tilts his head back, thinking, and you can’t help but stare intensely at his neck, tracing down his throat to his Adam’s apple, which moves as he swallows. Geez, what is up with you and the staring today? Luckily, he doesn’t think for long, tilting his head back down to look at you. “I’m just fine with whatever I showed to Gotham. And I don’t regret-tah one bit of it.” Looking all smug, he smirks. “I’m not proud of who I am, I relish it. Bask in it. The Clown Prince of Crime, they call me! Nothin’ better than that, doll. Means I’ve made a difference.”

“You’ve certainly made an impact, Mr. J. For better or for worse.”

“And whaddya get out of all that, doll? That I’m some kind of egotistical maniac?”

“Let me do the analyzing, please, Mr. J.”

He grunts. “Yeah, yeah,” he mumbles, and you can’t help but smile. “You say you’re proud, but clearly it’s not enough,” you tell him, scribbling notes underneath the doodle of him. “When you get out of here, you’d like to go back to all that, wouldn’t you? Go back to testing the B-Man?”

“Batsy and I just fit so well together, dolly. We’re meant to chase one another to the end of our days!”

If you can find him. “All the stuff you pulled then, did it really amount to anything if you want more?”

“Oh, doll, it’s not that I want more. I’m not just some kinda freak gettin’ a good fix when I cause havoc. My point just keeps needing to be made!” He winks at you. “Course, I know that if I get out of here I’ll have to behave.”

You seriously doubt Joker even knows the concept of behaving. “B-Man would just get you again, would he not?”

Joker cackles. He laughs at everything but you’re always confused when he laughs at something you don’t find remotely humorous. “That’s the fun part! He and I, we’re like a cat and mouse, like in those old cartoons. We’re just chasing each other in damn circles and, ah, the fun doesn’t-tah stop until one of us falls.” With a cruel smile, he flicks his fingers, as if toppling something over. “And I don’t intend to be the first to fall.”

“And after B-Man falls?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see, I suppose. Doesn’t sound very fun. Why, you got a soft spot for the Bat?”

“For Batsy?” Technically, you’re not supposed to be very vocal in your own opinions, especially when they do nothing to help, but wouldn’t it be good for Joker to know you’re with him on some things? Not that Joker has too much disdain in Batman, he clearly loves to mess with him, but obviously the two are on very different sides. You want to show Joker you stand with him. “Absolutely not. The Bat hasn’t done anything to benefit me. If anything I feel more… useless. This man in a mask gets to go around fighting criminals and gets praised and here I am busting my butt everyday and what do I get? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” You clap a hand over your mouth. Way to go overboard. “I’m sorry, I’m rambling.”

The Joker, of course, doesn’t care that you rambled on. He looks amused. No, not just amused, he looks pleased. His whole face contorts into an evil grin. “Well well well, doll face, nowwww we’re talking. Why didn’t you tell me you loathed the Batman so much?”

“Didn’t think it important.”

“Well, ah, I find it important. Looks like we wanna both go after the Batman, don’t we?”

“Go after him?” Now it’s your turn to laugh. “Obviously I’m not going to do that.”

He scooches forward. “But you’d like to. Come on, doll, given the chance, wouldn’t you wanna, ah, take the Bat down?”

For some reason, you actually think about it. If you really did have the chance, would you want to bring down the Bat? He was already down now, obviously, but if you had had the chance before then, would you have taken B-Man down? Before you can even dive into it, you snap yourself out of it. Why would you even care to do all that in the first place? Imagine you, beating up Batman? You’re not crazy. “I’m not so sure about that.”

Joker shrugs. “That isn’t a no.”

Things are going far from where you need them to be. “Let’s take this conversation back to you, Mr. J. How about we talk about the Joker in here? Nothing left for you to do except sit and think. You’re not out causing havoc, you’ve been stripped of your weapons and your makeup, what do you feel about yourself now?”

Already, you can tell the Joker isn’t too fond of the question. He squirms uncomfortably in his chair, muttering things under his breath that all sound nonsensical to you. For some reason, you kinda like it. It’s about time you get under his skin too.  “I feel like I wanna hurt someone,” he answers, clenching his fists. “I just wanna get out there and get back to everything.”

“Okay… see, you’re angry at being in here, and you don’t know how to handle your emotions so you’re resorting to violence.” As much as that’s probably true, you’re almost sure that if you were stuck in Arkham, you’d wanna hurt a few people too but that won’t help.

“Violence solves a lot more problems than ya think.”

“Not mental ones. I think I’m seeing what’s going on here, Mr. J.”

Joker taps on the table, a random pattern of noise. “And that is?”

You point with your pen between the two Joker sketches. “Both these people have unresolved problems, problems coped with by violence. Plenty of people do this, but they don’t go around trying to make their points to the whole damn city. These huge acts of violence are outcries and you don’t even realize it. You have no one to turn to to sort your feelings out with and this is what the outcome is.” You look back up at him, and it’s clear he’s confused. “I told you at our last session, you need company. Someone you can relate to, empathize with, talk through these feelings with.”

He frowns. “And what about you, huh? You’re, ah, just as alone as me, not a soul to talk to, and yet you’re not blowing up hospitals.”

Will he ever quit trying to analyze you? “I have other means of coping, Mr. J. Whatever happened to you… it made you hurt. And this hurt, it turned you away from people, even though we need companionship. We seek attention and validation and yet I fear you’re seeking it in all the wrong ways.”

“Who says we need companionship?”

“Human nature. Our hearts. Your mental state,” you say harshly.

His tongue pushes out his scar as he licks the inside of his cheek. “Feistyyy. I like it when you’re all, ah, riled up.”

Joker was really pushing your buttons now, and it was worse that no matter how upset you got at him, he’d find some kind of enjoyment in it. You really couldn’t win some of the battles he put you up against. Yet, the purr in his voice made your cheeks heat. You could never tell when to be angered or enamored. “I really do think that whatever happened in your childhood resulted in your detachment from emotion, and a distrust in people, and this mix of the two… well, it hasn’t been the best for you.”

“So, whaddya suggest? I go mingle with some of the other Arkham patients? Spend some quality time together finger painting and singing Christmas carols?” His laugh comes out as a sharp exhale. “I don’t think friendship is gonna fix me, doll.”

“I wasn’t going to suggest any of that,” you assert. “I just think that isolating ourselves from not just people but also feelings, now that doesn’t get us anywhere good.”

“Clearly,” he giggles, lifting up his cuffed wrists. “But I’ve been doing just fine, doll, aside from this little incident of being locked up in here.”

It was like the Joker just considered Arkham some bump in the road before he could continue his anarchy. That wasn’t good. He couldn’t have his heart set on going back to taking down Batman, no matter how good his reason. Especially considering, well, Batman was nowhere to be seen. Gosh, you wish you could just tell him. Maybe he wouldn’t see it as motivation, maybe it would shut down all his ideas. There was just far too much risk with everything. Say something, say nothing. The Joker was a lot of uncertainties. “But you shouldn’t have to be locked up in here. You don’t have to be if you just try and listen to me. I really want you to get better.”

“I don’t need to get better,” he growls. “The way other people feel, it’s just a soft spot for others to exploit. I’m already winning because nobody has anything on me. Chaos stirs something inside me, isn’t that enough?”

“No, Mr. J, you need more than that,” you plead. Why is he so stubborn? “Just a little company can do wonders. Just some faith in someone.”

“So they can do what? Push me down on my knees like some kind of sinner, making me beg for forgiveness? Making me change my ways? You really are crazy if you believe that.”

Joker is impossible, really. You don’t know how else to get your message across, how to make him listen. So instead, you think back on your deal, take a deep breath, and give him a story.

“When I was ten years old, the kids at school all decided they hated me so much that they all pretended I didn’t exist. I’d try and approach people and… and they never even acknowledged me. It followed me all throughout the rest of my school years.” You mess with your coat, fidgeting with the buttons, not quite able to meet Joker’s gaze. “I know how it feels when people hurt you.”

You wait, wondering if the Joker will give you a story back. You’re surprised when he opens his mouth to speak. “Once, ah, when I was just starting out, one of the criminals I hired managed to sneak up on me, knocked me to the floor real good. Kept babblin’ on about how I was a freak, how I’d never amount to anything, the heel of his boot digging into my back.” He stops, taking a deep breath, and you wonder for a moment if he’s going to stop all together but he continues. “Course, with all his ramblin’, he failed to notice me grabbing a blade. I stabbed him right in the foot, and oh boy, did he scream. I gave him the nastiest beating of his life, I’m sure. Blood all over the floor. And right before I was done, I made sure to give him and I matching smiles. Die with a smile, no?” Joker holds his chin up. “I don’t need people. People don’t care.”

It’s only a single story yet you realize the Joker has so much behind him. So many incidents that seemed to have fueled the thunderous rage beneath his skin. This man, finding humor in the wickedness of the world, wanting to show that everyone is essentially just as rotten as he, has been torn apart over and over again. Society had crushed the both of you yet here you sat, a doctor, and there he sat before you, a madman. In your anger towards the world, you had sought to try and help it, and in his anger, he wanted to burn it all down. You still had hope left in people, he had let that all die away.

He said people didn’t care, but you cared. This was more than just a way towards a paycheck, you really did want to help him. That’s what you’d always wanted for every Arkham patient. Yet the others did not quite distrust people as much as Joker did. Joker didn’t have anyone for him. How was it that Batman, a murderer playing superhero, still had half the city on his side and yet everyone just wanted Joker to rot away in here? You think about yourself, and how much better you would feel if you did have someone, if you had been given love and support along your miserable journey. If you could give Joker the support you’d always wanted, well, maybe that would change something in him.

“We’re both pretty messed up, huh?” you finally say, deciding not to comment on anything specifically about Joker’s anecdote. No need to keep talking about something so horrific. Joker didn’t need that. He needed comfort. 

Joker blows air from his nose, smiling softly. “We are, aren’t we? Just a buncha freaks.”

“Freaks still need to stick with other freaks.”

“And who have you got exactly, Miss l/n?”

You freeze. Nobody. Absolutely nobody. He knows it. Yet for a moment you feel… well, embarrassed. Your hand creeps to your warming face, your eyes feel suddenly watery. You don’t have your parents anymore. No old friends from school or college, not that there were many to begin with. No coworker friends, shitty bosses. All you have is yourself and you hate it. 

Joker seems to notice that his comment didn’t go down well, and he holds up his hands like he’s gesturing for you to stop, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “Uh, doll, I didn’t mean to pry…”

“No, no, it’s fine…” You quickly wipe at your eyes with the back of your hand. “Just wasn’t expecting the question, I guess.”

“Right,” he mumbles. “It wasn’t, uh, meant to be an insult.”

You let your eyes flutter close for a second and take a nice, long breath in. When your eyes open again, you straighten yourself out, contemplating your next words. “I know how it feels to be alone, Mr. J. More than anything.” Your voice comes out as a whisper, your fingers drifting towards his own, which are splayed out on the table. He sits up very still, unmoving save for a twitch in his jaw, as he watches you place your hand on top of his. You’re not sure what you’re doing, but you need your point made. “I… I know how much you think you don’t need people, but people offer support and guidance, and if I could have some of that right now, for fucks sake, I would.” You sigh. “I don’t have a lot of friends.”

Joker’s tongue slowly traces along his chapped lips. You wish you knew what he was thinking. You hated how well he read you and you could hardly get anything on him. Finally, he speaks. “Well, you got one now.”

The Joker, a friend. It sounds like the stupidest thing in the entire world. This was someone who had hurt and killed and destroyed. Someone who was close to no one, the people around him with one purpose: to serve him. He had said how loyalty didn’t come for free, that it needed to be bought. If something so simple as loyalty was seen as a transaction to him, did he even comprehend the concept of companionship? He must have, at some point, whoever the man before the Joker was. But the person you were dealing with was not that man, you were dealing with Joker. Joker did not seem a man who connected with anyone yet he tells you how alike the two of you are, and you can’t help but believe it. Alone in the world, the two of you. Maybe he can’t yet bring himself to make a real connection with anyone but, goddammit, you wanted him to try.

Why not be alone together?

It would all be in hopes of helping him, you told yourself. Whatever relationship the two of you were forming. If he could have someone to talk to, not just in a professional sense, but someone who would really be there for him, you think that would help a lot.

That’s all this is. This is to help him.

You squeeze his hand. “I like the sound of that, Mr. J.”

—————

It started off as a joke, really. 

Joker didn’t want to be analyzed. The first night he had been brought into Arkham, he had been poked and prodded, as doctors tried to decipher what kinda pills to stuff him full of. Joker had tried to fight them off, but they had injected him with something that made him sluggish. Just a few hours later was when they had sent in all the psychiatrists to try and fix him. Joker didn’t need to be fixed. He was an agent of chaos, a force to be reckoned with, something they just couldn’t comprehend. Then you’d come along, and you were so lonely, and Joker liked toying with things that were easy to break. Except you’re nothing like the others. There’s something about you, this way that you interact with him, the way you don’t see him as some freak. When you stare at him, you don’t look at him like he’s a monster. It’s strange.

Joker doesn’t do friends. The term itself means nothing to him. It’s a meaningless word. Most words are meaningless to him, empty sayings. Yet when you look at him with those eyes, like he’s your equal rather than beneath you, Joker does feel something. Some kind of connection. He’s never thought about killing you, which says something. It’s the only way he can describe this feeling towards you, something other than the pure disdain he usually feels towards others. There is something… warm about you. Joker didn’t like it. Yet he let it happen anyways.

Long after you’re gone, when he’s strapped onto the metal slab the Arkham guards call a bed, he thinks on some of your words. You thought a companion would help him. Someone he could rely on. Someone who would truly be loyal.

He smiles wickedly to himself. You might just be right.

Taglist: @lightsabergirl / @knoepfl / @jeffswh0re / @itsmrshamilton / @heath-ledger-jokers-wife / @lolwey

Lmk if you'd like to be added! Hope the @'s are working lol...

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Welcome to my page <3

Requests open however they may take me a while to get to, my apologies!

Feel free to call me Ghost ;) I write for a variety of people/fandoms. Lover of horror, super villains (and heroes occasionally), all things gothic, and all things spooky.

Side profile for reblogs: gh0stly

🕯️

Masterlist

🥀

I’ll write for:

DC: Ledger! Joker, Phoenix! Joker, Keoghan!Joker, BTAS! Joker, Dano! Riddler, BTAS! Harley Quinn

MCU: Winter Soldier, Green Goblin, Doc Ock

And misc. horror characters!

(I WONT write smut or any abusive relationships, or just anything I’m not comfortable with. And absolutely no minors, not even aged up. If I’m not comfy with a request, I won’t write it, sorry!)

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Masterlist 🕯️🖋️

More coming soon…..

Ledger! Joker

Series: Out of Our Minds

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / TBC

One-shots:

🕯️ Painted Mornings: You help J do his makeup

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Out of Our Minds (Part Two)

Ledger! Joker x f! reader (18+)

CW: swearing, mentions of violence

Words: 5.6k

Chapter Summary: Your second session with the Joker, and as you try and make sense of his mind, you can't help but feel a pull to him

previous part: Part 1 | next part: part 3

Notes: Here's the next part! Just an fyi, this fic will def veer far from actual Dark Knight canon, but that means more surprises >:) Also, as much as this is a Harley-esque story, dont worry cuz I'm not gonna make their relationship physically abusive or anything, my Joker ain't gonna throw you out a window or anything lol. Just wanted to clarify. Anyways, hope you enjoy this one! It was fun to write. Watched a lot of Arkham games gameplay while working on this, good times lol.

You wake up with a message that your rent is rising.

You grumble, taking the piece of paper someone had slid beneath your door and crumpling it. They didn’t even have the decency to call? The rent has gone up a hefty amount, and you aren’t even sure how you’re gonna support yourself this month. You might have to fall back into taking shifts at a local diner, working nights, as much as that kills you. But you have no other option. 

That, and you’ve only just started working on the Joker, so no raises quite yet.

Speaking of the Joker, you're exhausted from reading up on all his schemes, not one but two nights in a row, but you feel a bit more confident about dealing with him now. Last time, you went in pretty blind. This time, you have at least a hint of what you’re dealing with. Article after article about his crazy antics with Batman, some that you lived through, others you only caught glimpses of on the news. One thing is for sure, he is much more messed up than you thought, which, considering what you already do know about him, is saying a lot. His antics are on a scale larger than you’ve ever seen before. Everyone else seemed to wonder the same things as you, with all the articles trying to dive to explain the cause behind the crimes, some hint of who Joker really is. All of them bringing up theory after theory of who he may have been before his life of crime. You’ve compiled them all together to try and get a sense of it all. 

You hope that’ll be enough for now.

Before you leave for work, you throw on the news, quickly stuffing a piece of toast in your mouth, watching as the host rambles on and on about how Batman hasn’t been spotted since the death of Harvey Dent. Since the Bat killed multiple people. The police have been looking for him for days, and yet there’s been no sign, and you don’t think there ever will be. Not soon. If he’s smart, he’ll stay hidden. Especially with the climate outside, with all the vigils for Dent, people in the streets crying out for Batman or against him. The newscaster looks almost upset over Batman being gone but you snort. If he killed multiple people, was he really as good a guy as people thought he was? 

You shake your head and turn the TV off. Nope. Batman wasn’t anything special. If he wanted to save the people of Gotham, then you’d be right there waiting.

What was it that Joker had said? Nobody does things because they’re selfless. Batman wanted to be a hero and, well, he had failed.

Nobody was coming to save Gotham. Nobody was coming to save you.

————————————————-

Work is bustling as soon as you get there, with your fellow psychiatrists moving in and out of the break room, the smell of coffee wafting through the halls. Everyone tends to just ignore you, shuffling past you without even a second glance, sometimes bumping into you, causing you to nearly fall on your ass. You huff, quickly grabbing a cup of coffee and a few of your things before you go see the Joker. As you sip idly, two other psychiatrists you’ve never learned the name of come up to you, smiling at one another. “Hey,” says one of them, a girl with curly red hair. “Is it true you’re working with Joker?”

The other, a man with chestnut hair and a matching beard nods. “Yeah, we heard how Joker’s here now, and that Dale put you on the case.”

You stiffen, not liking any of this unwanted attention. Whenever people come up to you, it’s usually just to lecture you, you’re not used to people wanting to hear about your patients. You should’ve expected this, especially considering how infamous the Joker has become. But of course, people are only coming up to you for something they need, entertainment in this case, not for you. “Yeah,” you answer curtly. “I am.”

They look at one another with wide eyes. “Woah!” the curly haired girl gasps. “I saw all the other people they sent in to try and deal with him. They were all messed up in the head after.” She laughs, even though you don’t find it funny. “Is he really as wild as they say?”

“He’s mentally unwell, and I’m trying to help him,” you say. If they want some kind of crazy story, they’re not gonna get one. “Joker isn’t some kind of nut case for you to all gossip over, he’s a patient.”

The two psychiatrists’ excitement fades away as they just stand there and look at you. “Geez,” the bearded guy mutters. “Someone’s protective over him.”

Protective? Over Joker? Please. “I’m not protective. But we need to take every patient seriously, no matter how… over the top they are.”

Curly haired girl scoffs. “He’s more than just that, he fought Batman.”

“Because Batman is any better?”

“Someone’s defensive.” She snorts. “All I’m saying is that this guy is so much more than any of us have ever dealt with. The other people they sent in were some of the strongest people. Joker doesn’t just break things, he breaks people. He’s evil.” Her serious tone is immediately broken by a smile. “Who knows though. If you’ve lasted until another session, maybe he likes you.”

Like is far too kind of a word. Even then, you know they’re just teasing, and you hate it. You glare at the two of the psychiatrists. “You guys aren’t dealing with him, and until you are, then don’t try and analyze him.” Ducking your head, you rush between them, and they whisper but you don’t care as you try and find a corner to isolate yourself in. As you’re walking away, you smack straight into something, gasping as you stumble backwards. 

You look up to see Mr. Dale, who sneers and dusts off his suit. “Miss l/n, good to see you again,” he says drily.

Screw my life. “Good morning, Mr. Dale,” you mumble. “I am so sorry-“

He cuts you off by shoving something into your hands. A rolled up newspaper. You open it up and see the headline. Batman Still Not Found After Five Dead At His Hand! “I assume you’ve seen all this news?” 

“Who hasn’t?”

“Joker, that’s who.” He snatches the newspaper back from you, tossing it into a nearby trash can. “You haven’t mentioned anything about Batman to him, have you?”

You shake your head. “No… I- I assumed he already knew-“

“Well, he doesn’t. I should’ve told you last time, but I thought Batman may have been found innocent by now. Reversed his claims. I was wrong.” Dale coughs. “Joker doesn’t know a single thing about what’s happening out in the world. And we intend to keep it that way.”

“Mr. Dale, doesn’t he have the right to know-“

“Know what? That Batman is in hiding? That Dent is dead? That’ll only motivate him further. He’ll think he won! He’ll think that it's up to him to drive Batman out of hiding!” As people turn to look at you two, Dale drops his voice. “You’re not to let him know anything past the day he was brought in, got it?”

The more you think about it, the more you realize Mr. Dale is probably right. If Joker did find out that Batman went into hiding, it might offer motivation. For what, you’re not sure. Still, there’s something that feels wrong about leaving Joker in the dark, especially when the person he was trying to stop had been a murderer all along. “Got it.”

He smiles, and it’s anything but friendly. “Good. Now, I believe your session starts soon, wouldn't want to leave the Harlequin of Hate waiting.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

——————————————-

After another round of checkpoint after checkpoint, you walk into the room with the Joker, who looks the same as the other day you saw him, still without makeup, still tucked away in a straitjacket. Even though you saw him once before, after days of searching him up, seeing the photos of him with his greasepaint on, you still get a lump in your throat as you see this other side of him. Seeing him like this feels strange, and you may as well be one of the only people to have ever seen him without his signature mask. Scars and all. 

As you walk in and take your seat, he smiles, showing off his yellowing teeth. “Well, hello, doll face. I’ve been lookin’ forward to this.”

You settle into your chair, taking out your clipboard, which holds all your notes from the past two nights. Joker’s words could be sweet, but he’s basically been placed on this Earth to mess with people, so you don’t read too much into it. “Oh, really?”

“Oh yeah, doll. They, ah, never let me talk to anyone anymore. Got me locked up at all times. Ain’t that sad?” He giggles. “Don’t see anyone these days but the guards. And they just like to yell at me.”

You haven’t actually seen the way they treat the Joker. Once you’re done with a session, you’re quickly filed out and headed into the break room until your next session with another patient. But you’re sure it isn’t pretty. If they treat other, less taxing patients horrible enough, you can only imagine what they do to the Joker. “Well, rest assured, I won’t be yelling at you. Now, we have a full session today, so I really do want to get started. So,” you lean in and smile, “where should we begin? Most people would like to focus on the past, but I think maybe we should work our way back. How are you feeling right now?”

He licks his lips. “Oh, ya know, as good as a guy can be rotting away in this shithole.” He sways his head from side to side, clearly antsy, and you can tell that if he had his hands out, he’d be gesturing wildly with them. “But I’d say I’m much happier now that you’re here, doc.”

Joker was a master of many weapons. It seemed he wielded charm with the same mastery. You ignore his attempts at getting to you. “You’ve been in Arkham for a few days now. Have you been reflecting on yourself?”

Joker’s mouth smacks together. “Reflection? I’ve certainly been thinkin’, that’s for sure. Nothin’ else to do.”

You scribble that down, perking up. “Really? And what have you been thinking about?”

“All the things I’m gonna blow up when I get out of here.”

Immediately, you deflate, and Joker erupts into thunderous laughter. Of course. What the hell were you expecting? But it’s only the second day, of course he’s not exactly gonna be a changed man. “That’s all you’ve been thinking about? Is there anything in particular you’re excited to get back to?” You’re pretty sure Joker has absolutely nothing to lose, but you ask anyway. “No friends? Family? A lover?”

At the last bit, he guffaws loudly. “Why do you ask, sweetheart? Jealous?” He licks the inside of his cheeks. “Don’t worry, doll face, I’m definitely, ah, available.”

Now you wish you didn’t ask. If it were anyone else, you’d probably groan and give them a good look at your middle finger, but there’s something about the way that Joker says it that nearly makes you blush. It’s incredibly inappropriate, but you can’t deny he has a way of saying things that make you, well, react. Just another one of his deceptions, another skill he’s mastered. You know better than to give in. “I wasn’t asking for that,” you clarify harshly. “So, no family. Obviously, you don’t want to stay cooped up in here forever. There’s got to be something you want to go back out there for, and I feel like that same thing you’re eager to get back to might be the same reason you’re stuck in here. So, what is it?” 

He groans. “Are you trying to get me to talk about the Bat?”

“No.” It’s not a full lie. You’re trying to get deeper into his motivation, into the way he thinks. What’s he in this all for? “But why don’t we talk about that?”

“Ah, Batsy, the Dork Knight, the savior, if you will. He’s crazy, you know.”

“Who? Batman?”

“No, Santa Claus.” He rolls his eyes. “Of course Batman! Interesting fella, he is. Thinks he’s all high and mighty for instilling order around here that he doesn’t even realize that he’s just as bad as the rest of them. He can keep trying but he’ll never amount to anything.”

You don’t disagree. It feels weird to agree with the Joker. But he makes good points. Who knew a villain would be so agreeable with? Batman did fail the city if he wanted to uphold the law, disappearing with a damn body count. If Joker only knew… “So, was your point to prove that you’re better than him?”

“Better? Oh no, doll. We’re the same. All I wanted to prove was that anyone can be broken. That all it takes is one little flick of the domino and the facade comes crumblin down!” He hollers and hoots as he scooches closer, the chair scraping across the floor until his chest is right up against the table. “We’re all messed up inside, doll, behind these masks we put up.”

All messed up. In a way, maybe. “So, all those stunts were to try and break him?”

“Those stunts were works of art,” he says, emphasizing the t. “Now, I do these things because, well, it’s funny. But it’s also about sending a message.”

“About chaos? Well, then there has to be some sort of thing that happened to you that started this obsession with chaos.”

As you begin to try and delve further into his past, you can see his barriers go up, his face more guarded. “Why don’t we just focus on the here and now, doll?” he hisses through gritted teeth. “My past is anything but a fun story. The fun part starts when the Batman and I finally start facing off.”

So he won’t let you know anything further past when he first came into Gotham’s limelight, got it. That’s fine. You need to work towards deeper topics with your other patients too. This is nothing new. At least you’re getting somewhere. “So, can we talk more about these illegal…stunts of yours?”

“Sure thing.”

“I told you before, Joker, that you’re a showman. I’d like to pull back the curtain, if you will. You caused quite a lot of damage before you were caught. Wanna tell me about that?”

He shrugs. “What’s there to tell? I assume you’ve been, ah, watchin’ the news? Did you see the hospital I blew up? I’ve shut down a few streets, scared off a few crooks.”

He has a talent for understatement. “You forced Gothamites into ships, criminals and regular civilians, and tried to get them to blow up one another,” you add, deadpanned. 

At that, his excited demeanor drops a bit, and he bares his teeth like some wild animal. “Right.”

“Now, I’m no mastermind, but I know there’s a method to your madness. From what I’ve gathered, as much as you say this is all to humor you, you also get enjoyment over upturning social order and showing people what they truly are, which you believe is evil. And yet, neither boat chose to blow up the other. Why do you think that is?”

He sits there silently, but you can tell the gears in his mind are turning. He has a thinking face, subtle, but his brows furrow a bit and he presses his lips hard together. “I guess,” he finally says, after a beat, “not everyone was, ah, ready to have such a weight put on their shoulders.”

“That experience proved that people, no matter how messed up our world can be, people can be good, did it not?”

“Nah ah ah, doll. I think those people just think too fondly of themselves. It was never about not wanting to cause harm, it was about wanting to be able to sleep well at night, to be able to continue thinking of themselves as good people.” He breathes in deeply. “I know the true nature of society. I’ve seen how people will treat you when you’ve got nothing left to give them. People like to think they have morals, makes them feel secure. But those morals fly out the window one way or another. You’re just all so blind and forced into this little box that nobody wants to stand up and do somethin’!”

You sit there, trying to scribble everything down but slowly your pen just slows to a halt, as you take everything in. The worst part about his words is that he makes sense to you. Every single thing feels like the truth, and you don’t know if he’s just twisting his words to make you agree or if you really just believe it all. You’re not like him. He’s taking things to the extreme. “So that’s what you’re doing. Taking a stand against all this? That’s what the large spectacles are for?” 

“Read it however you want, doll face. Just don’t think I’m in it for any gain.”

You blink. Joker’s chaos mainly stemmed from his code and amusement. But you had found it seriously hard to believe he wasn’t getting any gain out of it. It didn’t even have to be money, but was amusement and pushing a message really all there was to it? “That’s a first. Most of the other criminals are in it for money. Power. Notoriety.”

“I’m not like those fools.”

“Maybe not, but all these big, grand gestures? These stem from wanting something. And not just sending a message.”

“And what would that be?”

It’s hard, really, to comprehend how the Joker thinks because he’s truthful about the fact that he does things because he can. He is pure chaos, and as much as he plans his stunts, as much as he follows his belief strictly, he can also go completely against all this. There’s no rhyme or reason to him, so you’re grasping at straws to try and piece him together. But you think there’s more to it all, something he’s keeping locked up. “Do you think maybe you do all this because you just want to be seen? Want to be heard?” You tap your pen against your chin. “Are you lonely?”

As if it’s a fucking joke, Joker begins to snicker. He thinks everything I say is a joke. His body is almost thrashing violently, and god, he’s not settling down. “Oh, you are too funny! Lonely? Lonely? Doll. I chose this.”

Humans aren’t meant to be alone. “Your crazy antics, constantly trying to outdo yourself. This might just be a plea for something. Validation?” Love?

“Why would I keep people around when at any chance they’d get they’d just turn on me?” He smirks. “I don't have time for those shenanigans.”

The way he thinks, someone, multiple people, must have wronged him, and in your core you feel something like empathy. The world has kicked you down too. People have been cruel to you all your life. In a way, fuck it’s true, you and the Joker aren’t too different.

But that’s not something you’d like to dwell on.

“So, you don’t believe in loyalty?”

“Oh, I think people can be loyal. But you gotta buy that loyalty, loyalty never comes for free.”

You don’t agree, but that’s besides the point. “Maybe what you really need is company. A proper way to vent your feelings. By talking to someone. We’re not meant to be alone, Mr. J. Trust me, I’d know.”

He straightens a bit. “Oh, I see now, you’re a loner like me. See! Then you’d know how much people will take and take and take and then just discard you.” His voice drops to a whisper, a loud whisper. “And I have a feeling those bosses and guards out there would discard you the second they can.”

Again, you really hate how he seems to be right about everything. You wriggle in your seat a bit, shifting uncomfortably as he stares you dead on. Your coworkers don’t like you. Your landlord doesn’t like you. Your boss is already threatening to kick you to the curb if Joker doesn’t get better, and speaking of which, that helps kick your thoughts back into place. “It is kinda lonely out there, isn’t it?”

“You deserve a lot better than that, doll.”

You stop. Fuck him. He was just messing with you. He had to be messing with you. Joker didn’t feel bad for anyone. Didn’t care for anyone. The way he said those words though made it almost sound like he cared. And nobody had ever said something even close to that to you before so you soften. “Thanks,” you finally choke out. “But you don’t know me.”

“I already told you, doll, I’ll get to the bottom of you before you ever even get a glimpse into me.”

“For the last time, I’m not here to talk about myself.”

“And for the last time, I wanna know more about you,” he says, wetting his lips. “Hows about a deal? Everytime you tell me something personal about yourself, I’ll tell you something about me.”

A deal. No, this is the Joker, this is more like a game. A sick, twisted game. If it means answers, though, you’re willing to play. “Fine. What would you like to know about me?”

Joker shakes his head. “Ah ah ah, not like that, doll. We won’t be asking. Share something lighthearted about yourself, I’ll share something lighthearted about me. Share something a bit deeper?” He grins. “Then maybe I’ll be inclined to share something a bit more personal.” His eye twitches before his voice drops to a whisper. “And trust me, I’ll know if you lie to me.”

Ah, so he really wants to pick at your core. He’s baiting you, wanting to know your deepest darkest secrets because he’ll know you’ll do anything to get even just one small story out of him. He’s trying to break you. The game might be one sided, might be tipped in Joker’s favor, but it also might not be. He can lie. You can lie. Or maybe you can both tell the truth. The game is in both your hands. If Joker wants to play, you’ll play. “Fine. Deal.”

He brightens. “Ah, I knew I’d get ya!”

“In fact, why don’t we start off easy?” You think of a small detail about yourself, something that wouldn’t matter to anyone. “I’ve always been more of a cat person than a dog person.” 

Joker smiles. “Mmm, seems we disagree on something.” He clucks his tongue. “Dogs have always been my favorite pet. Loyal creatures at a cost. But also deadly creatures.”

“Cats are so independent, like they don’t need anyone. But I like caring for them because of that. I like trying to help, no matter how much they hiss or push me away.”

“You’re, ah, a strange one, doll face.”

“I could say the same thing about you.” With that, you feel a weight come off your shoulders. You don’t feel quite as nervous as you did before. There’s a level of comfort now. You share something, he shares something back. And things won’t get deep unless you initiate it. You’ll have to figure out how to get there. It’s a good start. “You know, you could have a dog and a place of your own once you’re out of here.”

You expect him to groan or yell, but instead he just rests his cheek against his shoulder. “Guards say I’ll only get out if I’m a good boy. And, ah, maybe I will be good, just not in this piss pot.”

You put your pen down on the clip board and sigh. “Mr. J, I think we can really make progress with you, so long as we work on it together. You help me, and I’ll help you. And I really do wanna help.” 

“Get me out of here.” There’s an edge of humor to his voice, but it doesn’t sound like a joke.

“Can’t.” Unless you can get better. Please, get better. Please. “Besides, I’ve never been very good at picking locks.”

Joker raises an eyebrow. “Was that a joke?”

“Yes. Well, and no. I really can’t pick locks.”

“I could teach ya. Maybe. I, uh, don’t really have my hands right now.” 

You’re sure he can, and for a second you wonder what his hands might look like, beneath the gloves you’ve seen him wear on TV, but you quickly snap out of that. You clear your throat. “This has been a very heavy session. So why don’t we close off with something more lighthearted?” You lean in close, putting your chin on your first. “Since I’m no good at jokes, why don’t you tell me one?”

Joker perks up. “Oh! Oh! I’ve written a few jokes since getting locked up! Well, not writing them, they won’t even let me hold a crayon, but I’ve been thinking some up.”

“Alright, tell me?”

He nods his head eagerly, like a little kid agreeing to something. “Alright, uh, how about this, whaddya call a dog with no legs?”

“I don’t know. What?”

“Why’s it matter? He can’t come running to you anyways!” He can hardly even make it through the punchline before he bursts into manic laughter, his shoulders shaking. It takes a minute for the joke to settle in before you gasp and then, despite yourself, you laugh. At your laughter, Joker perks up even more. “Was that a laugh, doll face? Didn’t think ya had it in ya. Specially not for one of my jokes.”

Quickly, you regain your composure, biting the inside of your cheek to refrain from smiling. It’s not because you think he’s funny. It’s not. It’s just stupid. “You have a very dark sense of humor.”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you like it.”

Maybe you did. It was a little frightening. You weren’t used to having a conversation with someone that made you feel sort of… happy. Especially not with a patient. It felt wrong. It felt right. You were a little confused. “You’re horrible,” you laugh.

“Clearly, you’re just as horrible.” You watch as he runs his tongue over his lips and your stomach starts doing flips. It’s because he’s intimidating, that’s probably why. “I like it.”

You shake your head as if you can ignore him, even though you can’t. “I think it’s about time I get going.”

“Doll, won’t you come back tomorrow? I, ah, really do enjoy our chats.”

“Joker, this is only our second talk.”

“Oh, I know, I know, but I just get so lonely. Besides, I’m sure seeing me more often would, ah, really help my mental state.”

At first, you open your mouth to protest, but quickly clamp it shut. More sessions with the Joker didn’t sound… too bad. In fact, they would be good. The more sessions you got in, the more progress could be made with Joker. Then, you’d have that raise in no time. Yes, extra sessions would be good. Great, even. And it certainly wasn’t because for once you actually might be enjoying talking to someone. “Okay, I’ll see if I can adjust some meetings I have for tomorrow and try and get you in.”

“I’ll be waiting eagerly, doll face.” He smiles at you, and this time it’s not one of those scary, wolf-like smiles with bared teeth, not a sinister grin, but something… warm? Warm seems the wrong way to put it, nothing is warm about the Joker. But whatever this is, it’s close enough, and you feel heat pooling in your stomach. It’s strange. You don’t understand it. “Don’t forget about me.”

You take the remote from your bag and push on the green button, smiling back at him. “I could never.”

————————-

When you finally manage to go to the shared staff space, Mr. Dale is there eagerly waiting for you, alongside his business partner Henry Walsh. He’s a taller, thin man with curly black hair and a thin mustache. Dale waves you over, and you head over, offering a polite wave despite how he treated you earlier. “Hello again, Mr. Dale.”

“Hello, Doctor l/n,” he responds. “Tell me, how did things go with the Joker this time?”

You don’t really know how to put it all into words. “Well, I’ve only just started working on him. It’s going to take him a bit of time to open up. But I think we did well today. I’m trying to get to the root of his thinking. If I can see why he thinks the way he thinks, I can try and see what we can do to get him to push this more violent way of thinking towards something… well, less violent.” You cross your arms. “Speaking of which, I want him out of that straitjacket.”

Beside Mr. Dale, Walsh scoffs. “That psycho could lunge at anyone anytime he wants if we got him out of that thing.”

“If you want him to get better, you have to show a level of trust towards him too. You trust him, he’ll trust you.” He won’t trust them, not even at all, but you really think getting him out of that straitjacket will be good. “Please. I promise this will help.”

Walsh’s scowl would make the other psychiatrists crumble, and maybe you too, but after a session with the Joker, you, if only for a moment, feel like you can handle anything. When you don’t waver, he groans. “Fine. However he will be handcuffed. You hear me? Legs and wrists bound.” He tugs at the tie around his neck. “You’re crazy to even want this, Miss l/n.”

“Maybe you should lock me up in here too, huh?” When nobody laughs, you stiffen. “Sorry, joking. I really do believe this well help. Shove someone in a straitjacket and of course they’re going to go a little off the rocker. Treat someone like a human, they'll act like a human, no?”

The two men blink, because what do they know about treating people like humans? You’re one of the only people in this god forsaken facility who actually takes the patients seriously. You’ve got a good record of getting people out of there, and still, the two men before you see you as crazy because where they see lunatics you see people. “I’m no doctor, so I trust you,” Mr. Dale says with a small shrug. He looks over at Mr. Walsh and the two begin to laugh and gossip as if you’re not even standing there. “Crazy girl,” you hear one of them whisper, and you turn away from them, stalking out of the room.

You’re not crazy. You’re not.

———————————

Joker sighs wistfully as you walk off.

He fucking hates Arkham asylum. He spends every day locked up in a small cell, his arms restrained beneath the straitjacket, with guards constantly coming in to yell at him, or doctors trying to force pills in his mouth to fix him right up. He doesn’t remember what the sun feels like, or even how the moonlight would bathe his purple suit in a silver glow. All he knows now is flickering, ugly yellow fluorescent lights. The smell of urine and metal. The screams and cries of crazies in their cells. 

It should be hilarious, really, but it just pisses him off.

But not you. He didn’t expect you. The first psychiatrists were all boring, rigid bums who were spooked off after only a few minutes of speaking to him. But not you. You stayed. You were different. You were just as miserable as the Joker, just as alone. Yet, your mind isn’t as strong as you think it is. You want something more than your dull life has in store, Joker sees this clearly.

What fun you two will have together.

——————————-

As you walk home, you think of the Joker.

You can’t help it, especially since the very apartment you’re heading to hinges on this stupid raise. Not just your apartment, but your livelihood. You stuff your hands in your pockets, and think about all the stuff he said, about how people were all messed up inside. You’d like to think he’s wrong but while trying to help Joker you can’t help but feel this pull towards him. You know that’s the whole point, he’s trying to get all buddy buddy, disarm you so you’ll forget what you’re in there for. But there’s this other pull towards him, one outside of your want (and need) to help him. Oh well, so long as you make progress with him, you can quickly forget any of it ever happened, and it makes you feel kind of selfish. For a moment, you wonder if he’d sympathize with you, but instead you know he’d laugh in your face. He’d be actively making sure he wouldn’t get better so you could learn your lesson.

That damn clown.

—————-

Edit: I’m gonna make a tag list for this so if anyone would like to be on it, lmk!!

[gh0stly-pages]

Painted Mornings (Ledger!Joker x GN!Reader one shot)

Plot: Joker has a habit of leaving in the middle of the night or early morning, vanishing without letting you know. You catch him one morning before he leaves and help him do his makeup.

Words: 2.5k

CW: just some minor swearing, reference to nudity

Notes: The next part to the series I'm writing should be out, hopefully, by Friday, but here's this to fill the void :)

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When you awaken, you reach your arm out, instinctively reaching for the space beside you in bed only to find it empty. All you can feel is the other half of your blanket, messed up and discarded to the side. You yawn as you sit up on your elbow, peering into the darkness around you. It seemed a certain clown had slipped away while you were sleeping. The Clown Prince of Crime, your boyfriend, the Joker, was nowhere to be found.

You sigh, getting up and kicking your feet over the side of the bed. It’s not unusual for Joker to disappear on you like this. You two may already be a year into dating, but that doesn’t mean Joker has adjusted to typical domestic life quite yet. You don’t think he ever will, and while it can get on your nerves at times, you don’t really mind. He isn’t like any other guy you’ve ever met, and that’s what you like about him. Joker has the tendency to slip away without telling you, sometimes for days at a time, and you never know what he’s up to until you turn on the TV just to see whatever scheme he enacted to mess with Batman. No doubt he’s somewhere now, rigging up explosives, barking at his goons to follow orders. You smile at the thought of it. The worst part is never where he is, you know he’ll be lurking somewhere in Gotham, it’s him vanishing and you never knowing when he’ll come back. Or if he’ll come back. The Joker was the biggest mystery in your life.

You stare at the clock and realize just how early it is, about 2:00 AM, but you know you won’t be going back to sleep anytime soon. So, you slip out of bed, and make your way towards the bathroom. Might as well shower or something, freshen up.

As you get to the door, a sound from inside makes you jump. You pause, pressing your ear against the door, hearing rummaging from inside. Someone is in there. For a moment, you think about possibly running to grab one of Joker’s numerous blades that he keeps around your bedroom. If someone has broken in, you know how to deal with it. But instead, you step back from the door, hope blooming in your chest as you call out. “J?” you ask. “You in there?”

For a second, you expect the worst, that maybe one of Joker’s many enemies finally found you, but instead your boyfriend's voice carries through the door. “Yeah, doll.”

Your heart swells. Joker was still there with you! Excitedly, you open the door to see your boyfriend standing in front of the mirror, his greasepaint sitting on the sink. He’s barefaced still, which means he must not have woken up too long before you. Before you even go over to him, you stand for a moment and appreciate the scene in front of you. Seeing Joker without makeup was one of the first times in your relationship you felt that Joker truly trusted you, and everytime you’ve seen him barefaced since then, you always make sure to appreciate it. You look at the mangled flesh that make up his scars, scars that you find beautiful, before your eyes drift to his perfect nose and then his perfect brown eyes. But seeing him without makeup, without his walls up, isn’t even the best part, it’s seeing the Joker in your apartment bathroom, in nothing but a black t-shirt and boxers, now that’s a damn sight. It was a side of him he kept only for you, and it made you feel like the luckiest person in the world.

“Take a picture it’ll last longer, doll” Joker murmurs, snapping you from your thoughts. You smile and walk over to him, wrapping your arms around his torso and pressing your cheek into his back. “Didn’t expect you to be, ah, up this early.”

You shrug. “I just woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. I thought you had left already.” You can’t help but smile even wider. “Pleasant surprise to see you still here.”

“Yeah? Well you caught me just in time. I was just aboutta put my paint on,” he says, smacking his lips together. “You should go back to bed, doll.”

You shake your head, moving so that you press your full face into his back. He smells like soap since he (thankfully) showered yesterday, but you swear you can still smell the lingering traces of gunpowder on him. “I won’t be able to,” you say, pulling back from him. “I wanna stay with you.”

Peeking around his arm, you can see him glower in the mirror. “You need your rest, and ah, I’ve got plans today.” He licks the inside of his cheeks. “I can walk you to the room if you’d like.” You almost laugh at seeing him all upset over you not getting all the sleep you need. It’s his odd way of showing affection, getting upset when you’re not taking care of yourself properly. If you ever forget to eat, he’ll grumble and complain, leaving you as if he doesn’t care until you find food sitting on the kitchen counter. He isn’t the kind to sweetly bring you to the kitchen and cook up a meal for you, or tuck you into bed, but you know he cares, even if he doesn’t show it in the softest of ways.

You adjust yourself, shifting so that your chest is against his side so you can look at him in the mirror. He puts an arm around your shoulder. “Can I stay with you until you’re done?”

“Doll-”

“Please, J, I’ll go to bed right after. Just lemme stay with you until you’re done getting ready. Then I’ll sleep.”

He considers you for a second before sighing. “Fine, you’re, ah, lucky I’m feeling generous.”

Your arms slip away from him, and you grab his tin of white greasepaint. “Can I…can I do your paint for you?”

“My makeup?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. You expect him to deny you. You’ve washed him, dyed his hair, seen him naked several times, and yet there’s something that has held you back from ever asking to apply Joker’s face paint. You’ve been in the bathroom plenty of times when he’s put it on, watching intently as he rubs each color into his skin, slowly morphing into the infamous Gotham villain everyone knows him as. Yet another side of the Joker you love, but one you share with the rest of the city. There’s just something ritualistic about his makeup application, something you have never wanted to intrude on. It’s Joker making himself Joker, and you’re not sure if you have any part in it. You hold your breath until Joker finally responds. “Mmmm, sure.”

It’s a short, ‘whatever’ response but you’re thrilled, trying not to let your excitement show too much, though you’re sure Joker can see it on you. He was always better at reading you than you are at reading him. You grab the rest of Joker’s greasepaint and use your chin to gesture to the toilet. “Take a seat.”

Slowly, Joker sits on the toilet lid, and you settle in front of him, bending down. Again, you just sit there and admire him, reaching up and tracing along the scar on his right side, feeling the ragged flesh beneath your fingertips. Joker leans into your touch for just a second before pretending to try and bite at your finger. Well, you’re sure he would bite you, just not hard. “Focus, doll, I have places to be.”

You pull your hand away, smirking before opening the tin of white greasepaint, unscrewing the lid. “What’s your plan this time?” You dip two fingers into the paint, reaching up and smearing it on Joker’s cheek. The paint feels nicer than you thought.

Instead of shutting his eyes, Joker looks intently at you as you apply the white all over his face. “Oh ya know, a little this, a little that.” He licks his lips. “A bit of destruction here and there.”

His answer is vague, which leads you to believe he has something big up his sleeve. You’ll have to keep your eyes peeled on the news later. When it comes to Joker’s schemes, that’s yet another part of him he tends to keep on the down low, but occasionally he’ll let you in on a plan or two, showing you his erratic sketches and notes in his journals. It’s not that Joker doesn’t want you to know what he’s doing, he just likes to be secretive, likes a good surprise. “Sounds like fun, J.” You finish up smearing the white all over his face. It’s a bit splotchy, but it usually is, and you think it adds to the look. “Gonna have to close your eyes now, gonna put the black on.”

“Aw, but I’ve got such a nice view,” he complains, his voice a low, tired growl and your stomach flutters. 

You poke his chest. “Eyes. Closed. Now.”

“Bossy, bossy, bossy.” He grumbles, but obliges, though you know he isn’t actually upset over you bossing him around. You can tell he’s tired, the way his eyes shut immediately, his head tilting, but he’d never admit to being tired. He manages to stay awake from a mix of black coffee and adrenaline. 

You grab the black paint next, popping off the lid and diving in, rubbing the paint around Joker’s eyes. “How long do you think you’ll be gone?”

He sighs. “Dunno, doll, maybe a day or two. Depends just how much of what I do goes right, assuming Batsy doesn’t mess it all up.” His ‘t’s are more pronounced when gets upset, and honestly, you find it awfully adorable. “Chaos is un-pre-dictable.”

When you’re done with his left eye, you move on to the right. “You know, it’s not very fun to wake up and see my boyfriend has vanished without a word to shake up the streets of Gotham…” You trail off, not quite sure where you’re going with this. You’re not angry. You weren’t even planning on saying anything about it. But sitting in front of J, in this quiet, sacred space, you felt the need to say something. To get it off your chest. 

His eyes blink open. “Should I, ah, leave a voicemail next time?” He’s joking about it, trying to defuse the tension, but that makes you even more upset. “Send a letter?”

You drop your hand, frowning. “J, I’m being serious. You worry me.”

“You know I’ll be fine.”

“No, I don’t.” Your words have a bite to them. Because you don’t know if he’ll be okay. Joker is afraid of nothing, and you’re scared one day this will be the death of him. You’re not expecting Joker to ever fully settle into domestic life, to be the prized boyfriend a younger you may have wanted. You like the wild, chaotic relationship you have with Joker. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t scare you. “What if one day you go out, never tell me, and I lose you and don’t even get to say goodbye?” Your voice cracks. Shit. You wipe your eyes. You weren’t expecting to cry.

At the sight of your tears, Joker softens, his shoulders deflating. He reaches up and grabs your face, his palms gently settling on your cheeks. “Hey, uh, don’t cry doll, I didn’t mean to joke. You know I can’t help myself.” He shifts awkwardly. As ever, he is still clumsy at dealing with your emotions, and if it were any other time you may have laughed. “That stupid Bat isn’t gonna get me, neither are any of those Gotham crooks, come on, darlin.”

“Just because you’re scared of nothing doesn’t mean I’m the same.” You sniff. “I’m scared of losing you, J. And here you are, vanishing in the early mornings before I even get the chance to know.”

Joker isn’t exactly empathetic. He doesn’t deal with emotions in the same way you do. You cry, he blows things up and fights fellow criminals. He tries not to feel things. But you’ve certainly softened him, allowed him to feel more than he has before. You can tell it scares him. He’s trying though. Really damn hard. “Aw, well, doll, next time I make my way out for a, ah, night on the town, I can let you know beforehand.” He smiles, leaning in closer. “You shouldn’t worry about me.”

“But I do.”

“I know, it’s upsettin’.” Before you can even react to his words, he continues. “I don’t mean as in I’m angry, but I don’t like knowin’ that every little thing I do is gonna worry you.” Joker was not the best with words either, but you can tell what he was getting at. He wasn’t gonna say it, but you being upset over him made him upset for you. He didn’t like seeing you upset. His version of sympathy, you suppose. “I know I seem reckless, but I really have been tryin’ to be careful ever since you came along.”

Careful was not a word you would use to describe Joker, but you didn’t think he was lying. Had he really been trying to be more careful? Just for you? “Really?”

“Really, doll. I won’t go dyin’ on you anytime soon. If I was gone, other people could have you all to themselves, and I won’t let that happen.”

You roll your eyes, biting back a smile. “So greedy.”

“Only when it comes to what’s mine.” His hands drop, but he lets one finger trace along your lips. “Stop the frownin’, doll, you look so serious.”

The Joker was unlike anyone else. He would not say he was sorry, or that he loved you, because those words meant very little to him. Joker was all action. He may have made you upset over his disappearing habits, but now that you brought it up, you knew he would start trying to be better at it. Frankly, you were glad he didn’t apologize. The words would mean very little to you either. You needed to see him actually do something about it, and you were confident he would. “J…” You lean in and kiss him, smiling against his lips. “You’re really hard to stay mad at, you know.”

He smiles back at you. “I, uh, believe you need to finish up my makeup.”

“Oh, right! Well, I was just about done with your eye makeup. Gotta work on your smile.” You take the red greasepaint, putting some on your fingers and tenderly swiping it across his smile, starting at the tip of his left scar and moving towards the other end. “Beautiful. I think I just might have to start doing your makeup more often.”

Joker grunts, getting up and looking at himself in the mirror above the sink. He leans in real close, analyzing every little detail as if he’s some critic. You can’t help but laugh. “Mmmm, you did do a pretty good job, dollface. There’s only one person this makeup would look better on, though.”

“Who?”

He spins around and grabs you, and you squeal as he lifts you into his arms. “You.” His mouth lands on yours hard, and you wrap your arms around him, desperately clinging on. It’s a messy, desperate kiss that is sure to leave red paint all over you. 

Just what Joker wants.

[gh0stly-pages]

Out of Our Minds (Part 1)

Ledger! Joker x f!reader (18+)

CW: just swearing for now :)

Summary: You’re a psychiatrist at Arkham, and have now been assigned to the most recent of Batman’s enemies, the Joker. You’re already barely getting by, but this new patient poses a challenge. If you can get him to show progress he’s getting better, then you might get a raise. If he doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere, then you’ve lost your job. You’re prepared to work extra hard to help him but the Joker is nothing like what you’ve expected. Everyone warns you how he’ll get inside your mind, crawl under your skin.

They might be right.

Next part

Notes: I’m not sure if there’s an audience for this, this is lowkey kinda just guilty pleasure for me, but I hope some other people will enjoy this series :) I’ve always wanted to see a Harley Quinn in the Dark Knight universe, so in this fic, you are Harley (well, similar to her, lol). Obviously there’s no cannon Harley-type character in the Dark Knight trilogy so this is all made up, and I’ve taken bits and pieces from different DC Harley’s, plus their relationship with Joker, so look out for that :) So, just have fun with it, hope you enjoy!

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Time seems to move slower at Arkham.

You adjust your coat, having barely swiped in just minutes ago but already it feels like hours and you’ve only just gone to the main office space and grabbed a cup of coffee. The coffee tastes disgusting, but you’re running off little sleep, so you down it quickly. Even from the office, you can hear the screams, cries, and rambles of the Arkham patients in the distance. You’ve been working here for two years already and still haven’t grown used to the constant roar of madness. You’re not upset over it though. You’re here to help these people, to help make sure the people in your city of Gotham are well. So, in a way, you welcome the noise. But that doesn’t mean you're fond of it, nor does it mean it lets you sleep.

Most people you talk to (which is very few, considering you’re always working) tend to judge you for choosing Arkham of all places to work. And, you’re honest with them, it certainly wasn’t your first option, but they pay well enough so that you can rent a decent apartment and you’ve quickly grown to enjoy the challenge it poses. It’s the higher-ups and the fear of being fired at any minute that makes the job truly a chore at times. But people will be assholes, and you’ve come to accept that.

When you’re done with your coffee, you toss the cup in the trash, grabbing a folder from out of your bag. It holds all your notes and the files of all the patients you deal with. You’ve got quite a few patients to meet with today, each with their own unique problems, their own unique story. You look over your notes, leaning against a wall when one of your bosses enters the room.

“Hello, y/n,” says Robert Dale, hanging up his coat on a rack to the side of the room. He’s a squat little old man who helps manage the asylum, keeping track of all the psychiatrists. He certainly isn’t the kindest of bosses, and you’re sure he only keeps you around because you’ve learned to just go with whatever the hell he and the other big Arkham bosses say. Sure, you can be easily submissive, but it’s that or the streets. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

You frown. That can’t be good. Everytime Dale talks to you, it’s either to demand, critique, or complain. “Good morning to you too, Mr. Dale,” you mumble.

He takes a deep breath and stuffs his hands in his pockets. “You’ve been watching the news, I presume?”

You nod. Who hasn’t? You live in Gotham, for crying out loud, and there’s almost too much crime to keep track of as of recent. Especially ever since that Batman showed up, some kind of masked hero who you never got the hype over. “Of course.”

“You see all that stuff about…the Joker?”

The Joker. The Clown Prince of Gotham. Chaos incarnated. A rowdy clown criminal facing up against Batman. He had just been caught by the Bat a week ago, and the news had been all over the case, wanting to know where he was sent next. Where he was being held. If he would ever come back… “Yeah, I’ve heard.”

“See, he’s been being held up in Blackgate, but he is now officially joining our little…family.” He said the word darkly, snorting. Your breath hitched in your throat. The Joker? “Anyways, he is a bit of a, and I'm sure you know this, tough nut to crack. He arrived here yesterday, in a solitary, high security cell and we’ve been looking for a proper person to… attend to him. We sent in a few of our other psychiatrists as a sort of test, seeing who he fits well with.”

“Right,” you bring yourself to say, even though your whole mouth feels like it’s filled with sand. The Joker. Here. At Arkham. “And?”

He sighs, running a hand through his graying hair. “Every single one of them left that room different. Some were crying, others looked shell shocked. Batman told us Joker was going to be hard to deal with, but we weren’t quite expecting something of this level. He bends the mind, tries to break you. Twists the way you think until you don’t even know who you are. Gets under your skin. So, let's just say, we’re looking for someone strong enough to take on our special little patient.”

You know where this is going, and even when Dale says the words, your mouth still drops. “I’m assigning you to the Joker, Miss l/n. You’ve always been up for a good challenge, and are very good at listening to our orders.”

Right. So I don’t get fired and end up homeless or working for some crooks. “Mr. Dale, I have other patients I need to attend to today and I have no room to fit in-”

He cuts you off with a wave of his hand. “I have already swapped your ten o'clock appointment so you can meet with the Joker. This is very important, Miss l/n, and you wouldn’t want to fail us, would you?”

As easy as you find it to work with your patients, the higher-ups are much harder for you to manage. “No…”

“Then it’s settled, you’ll be meeting with Joker at ten today, every other day, or more if necessary. You’ll file reports after every session on how your patient is doing, and if we see any progress, well, we may just have to raise your salary.”

Now that catches your attention. You didn’t even know a raise was possible. Especially not for you. You’ve been working so hard your whole life for what feels like nothing but now? Now, maybe all that work will finally pay off. “Mr. Dale, thank you. Thank you so much-“

“Don’t get too excited. If our patient doesn’t show any progress, well… we might have to let you go.”

At that, your entire face falls, your shoulders slumping. “What…?”

“Well, we’ve been needing to make a few cuts on psychiatrists and anyone might be subject to getting kicked.” He smiles and pats your shoulder. “But don’t worry, I have full faith in you.”

His words do nothing to soothe you as your heart pounds heavily in your chest. The toughest patient, all your responsibility, and you have to make him better under a certain amount of time or else? Shit. They were practically setting you up for failure. No. No, you can’t think that way. You’ve dealt with tons of patients, and every single time you’ve managed to get good results. This will be the same thing… “It- it’s a wonderful opportunity, thank you. I won’t let you down.”

He laughs and walks off. “I sure hope not.”

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“I’m here to see the patient.”

The guard looks up at you through his sunglasses and smirks. He uses the gun in his hands to point at you, and you step back. “Ah, so you’re the one they decided on to fix up this lunatic?”

“We don’t refer to them as lunatics, sir. And, yes, I’m Doctor y/n l/n.” Digging into the bag on your shoulder, you pull out your ID and hand it to the guard.

He glances at it once, bored, before grabbing his walkie talkie. “It’s Doctor y/n l/n you’re expecting, correct?”

The garbled voice on the other side responds back. “Correct.”

The guard looks back up at you. “Gimme your bag, please.”

You’re a bit startled, but give him your bag. Already, before even getting to this checkpoint, you’ve been through two whole security checks, and were definitely not expecting another. This Joker guy really is trouble. That just makes you panic even more. Trouble is hard to tame. The guard rummages through the bag a bit before nodding and handing it back, clicking on his walkie talkie again. “Doctor is clear for entry.”

A click noise sounds, and the door opens, leading to yet another room with another door with two more guards standing beside it. You jump as the door behind you clamps shut, and the two guards hardly flinch. The one to the left moves forward, holding something out in his hand. “This is your panic remote. See the green button right there? Press that when you’re done with your session or you need to get out. Got it?”

You grab the remote, looking at it closer. “What about the red button?”

“That’ll set off a gas that’ll knock the Joker out cold.”

Oh. That doesn’t sound good. You’ve dealt with some pretty nasty people but nothing ever this intense, nothing that needed this level of precaution. “Okay… Wait, won’t the gas get to me too?”

The guard shrugs. “Eh, yeah, but you’ll be fine. The doctors will fix you right up.”

You tuck the remote away in your coat pocket. “Right. Thanks…”

The other guard who hasn’t spoken a word until now enters some kind of code into the pad on the door and it swings open. “Good luck, sweetheart.”

The nickname makes you cringe but you step forward and bow your head. “Mhm.”

As soon as you step inside, the door slams closed, and you’re left to face the man everyone has been whispering about.

And there he is, sitting behind a table, looking up at you. The first thing that strikes you is his face, which lacks any makeup, and you don’t know if it shocks you because you’ve only ever seen him with his makeup on or because he appears human. Not quite the monster he’s made up to be. His skin is slightly tanned, his eyes brown and dull, his hair curled and askew down to his neck. Although he doesn’t have his makeup, there’s faded green hair dye still at the tips of his hair. His signature purple coat and suit has been swapped for a straitjacket. You try to look only into his eyes, but instead you flush and look at his mouth. His mouth, gosh. Without the smeared red makeup, you can see his scars so clear, the mangled flesh titled up into a smile on either side of his lips. Whatever caused those was nasty. Always smiling.

Bringing yourself to move, you carry yourself to the table, sitting down in the chair across from him, and you try and pretend your heart isn’t hammering. As you sit down, his eyes trace your everything. It makes you feel like some kind of animal. Is he studying you? Plotting your death? Horrible, but who knows with a man who is all unknowns? You clear your throat. “Uh, hello there, Joker. Can I call you Joker?”

He frowns and licks at his lips, smacking them together. At first, you don’t think he’ll talk, but it just takes him a second. “Well, what else would ya call me?”

You’ve heard him speak before, on the television, in those frightening hostage videos, but it’s more chilling in person, his distinct voice causing you to shudder. If he notices, he doesn’t say anything. “R-right. Joker. I’m Doctor y/n l/n. Feel free to call me y/n, though.”

“Y/n,” he says slowly, as if tasting the name on his tongue. You resist shuddering again. “You’re the one they assigned to, ah, fix me up?”

You nod. “That’s me. But please, don’t think of it as fixing you. Think of it as helping you.”

“Help,” he spits out the word. “Whatever ya wanna call it. Sure. What ever happened to those other people they sent to see me the other night? They were all just so fun to play with.”

His words have a lot of bite behind them. Dale warned you about this. He was going to mess with you, and have fun doing it. “I believe they weren’t prepared to attend to you.”

“Awwww, did I hurt their feelings?” His voice is dripping with pure sarcastic sadness. He even feigns a frown. Then he breaks into a wide grin, giggling madly. “Well, if words are gonna hurt them that badly, maybe, uh, they’re in the wrong work field, huh?”

You make sure your face doesn’t move a bit. Play. It. Cool. Besides, progress doesn’t come from backing down. “We all have our strengths. It doesn’t matter what happened to them though, what matters is that I’m here now.”

“They really threw ya to the wolves, Miss l/n.” His tongue traces across his teeth. “Lucky for you, I won’t bite. Yet.”

You try very hard to ignore him. He probably does bite. “Today is gonna be a short meeting. Testing the waters. Now, we’ll be meeting every other day, so don’t feel like you need to open up to me immediately-”

“Me? Open up? If ya wanna open me up, you’re gonna need a big knife.” When your face falls, he leans forward and laughs harshly, a laugh laced with insanity. “Ha! Tough crowd, it seems.”

Already, he’s testing your patience. But you’ve faced worse. Or at least, you’ll pretend you have. “Mr. J, please-”

“Mr. J?” The Joker sits up straighter. “Heh, I like that. Makes me sound, uh, all fancy and stuff.”

“Mr. J,” you say again, this time harsher. “Today, I just want to get to know a bit about who you are. This is our first session so I’m not expecting too much. We don’t have to dive into the crimes, or your past, but I just wanna get to know a bit about you.”

He snorts. “Why?”

“I’m trying to help, Mr. J. I can’t help you if I don’t know… well, you. Not to mention, we have absolutely nothing on you. No files. No previous history. You’re a bit of a mystery.”

“Ah, a mystery.” He licks at his lips a few times before licking at the inside of his cheeks, no doubt tracing along his scars. “And you wanna solve me.”

“No, I just want to learn a bit more.” You reach into your bag and bring out your clipboard and a pen, clicking it once. “Now, where would you like to start? Maybe your childhood? Your job before your crimes?” His face contorts, and his nostrils begin to flare at such personal questions, so you try and tone it down. Before he lunges at me and chokes me to death. “It’s okay, we can start small. What are your interests?”

His shoulders drop a bit. He rocks back and forth in his seat, humming in thought. It’s weird, really, to see him like this. Not blowing something up, or filming himself raming about some kind of new evil plan he has. “Hmmm, well, I like, uh, a good joke every now and again. I like, hm, ah, a good tussle. Blades. TNT.”

You scribble it all down, right with a question mark and a frowny face. None of that sounds promising. “Right…”

“What’s wrong, doll? You seem…” He smiles gleefully. “Upset.” His T’s are pronounced harshly.

Doll. You should definitely correct him, to tell him to call you by your name, but you decide to let it slide. “No, I’m just… taking it all in. So you like weapons. Jokes. Is that how you decided on your name?”

He smacks his lips. “More or less.”

“Okay. Right. And the whole clown thing, your persona-?”

“Persona? Ha! This is aaaallllll me, dollface.”

“Right. So, the clown thing, how’d that come about? Your makeup, what’s the reason for it?” As you say it, your eyes fall to his scars, the way his lips lick along the very edge of them, and when he catches sight of this, he glares.

“Ah ah ah,” he coos darkly. “We won’t be getting into that today.”

You swallow hard. “Okay. It’s fine. One day at a time.”

He nods and leans forward, and it’s like his eyes can see into your very soul. “Ah, enough about me, huh, doll? Tell me about little ol’ you.”

You frown. “We’re not here to talk about me, Mr. J.”

“Oh, you’re not, but I would like to hear a thing or two about the person I'll be spending lots of, uh, personal time with.”

The way he says personal time, with an almost ferociousness to it, makes you break out in goosebumps, and you’re thankful for the coat covering your arms. “Hm, fine. What do you want to know?”

“Oh, ya know, a bit of this, a bit of that.” He tosses his head around. “How’d you end up in a shithole like Arkham?”

You take a deep breath. Does he seriously care to know? Or is he messing with you? Knowing what you know about him, you’re sure it’s the latter. “Well, it’s always been my passion to be a psychiatrist. I love Gotham and I wanna help its people.”

Joker leans back. “Hmmm, you’re one of those little doctors, huh? Wanna get everyone all fixed up so you can feel like a little saint?”

That takes you aback. You resist the urge to glare. Stay calm. You’re trying to help. “No, I don’t want to be a saint. I just want to-“

“Make yourself feel better? Wanna, uh, be able to give yourself a pat on the back and say ‘look at how amazing I am’? Puh-lease. Nobody really wants to help because they’re selfless.” He leans in. “We’re all selfish, every last one of us. So don’t lie. Nobody likes a liar.”

If you were anyone else, you might have wavered. So this is what they meant when they said Joker was a tough case. He had flipped the tables and started trying to analyze you. Well, you were tough enough, and you weren’t going to back down. You look him right in the eye. “You have a very interesting world view, Mr. J. But if I was just doing this for myself, we wouldn’t be seated here today.”

“Oh, but you didn’t choose to be here, they stuck ya in with me.” His eyes widen. “Seems your bosses aren’t too fond of ya, doll. Or are you just so stuck beneath their boots that you didn’t even question them?”

Now he was really reading you. How could he tell? Was he just that good at digging into people, or were you just too much of an open book? Whatever it was, you pushed it aside. Don’t give in. You’re not doing this for your bosses, you’re doing this for you. “You’re very observant. But again, we’re not here to analyze me. We’re here to talk about you.”

He shrugs. “Whatever you wanna say, doll. But don’t worry,” he says, licking his lips, “I’ll figure you out before you even get anywhere with me. In fact, I think I’m already getting a good guess.”

“Please, Mr. J, I’m the psychiatrist here. Now, our session is coming to an end-”

“Pity.”

“-but I have one last question before our session ends.”

“Go ahead, doll.”

“If you were to describe yourself in one word, what would you use?”

“Ha! Easy. Chaos.”

“And, why does this word define you? Why do you want to be chaos? What do you get out of it?”

He shakes his head. “Ah ta ta, that’s more than one question, doll face. Now, before you leave, lemme, uh, ask you the same thing. What word would you use to describe me?”

His question takes you slightly off guard. There were tons of things you could say. Insane. Wild. Crazy. But those would describe the Joker he was outside, the man that fought the Batman. Whoever you were looking at now was clearly more than that. “Intriguing.”

With that, the Joker's face split into a wide smile. “Ah, now that’s a new one. I think I might actually come to enjoy these, ah, little sessions.” He tilts his head. “I expect you’ll be going now?”

You reach into your purse and grab the remote. “Yes, Mr. J. Thank you for your time. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

He’s smiling so wide now, the tips of his scars almost touch his ears. There’s something about his smile. It’s not horrible, not at all. It’s mesmerizing.

“I can’t wait.”

___________________________

That night you can’t go to bed, but not for the same reasons as usual.

Most nights, as you settle down, you’re pulled from sleep by the phantom echoes of the screaming of Arkham patients. Other nights, you’re up for hours thinking of different ways to help your patients. But tonight, you can’t be bothered to think about anyone but the Joker. Dale was right. Already, he’s creeping into your mind, settling beneath your skin. You should be frightened, really, but your mind just wanders with fascination. No, you definitely will not be getting sleep tonight. Instead, you grab your laptop and type in your patient's name. If he won't tell you anything himself, then you’ll get to the bottom of it.

You end up reading about him for hours. Intriguing, indeed.

End notes: see you next time ;)