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did y’all know that in victorian times it was really common after somebody died, that their family members would clean up the corpse, prop them up, and take post mortem photos with them?

Jason kills the Joker and instead of being normal about it he decides to antagonise Bruce by taking professional photos with the guys corpse in different outfits and poses while in full Red Hood gear and leaving them in the batcave for Bruce to find. he thinks it’s hysterical. Bruce thinks it’s psychologically damaging and he has no fucking clue how to get Red Hood to leave him alone OR how he can even get into the fucking batcave. eventually Tim finds Jason without a mask leaving another photo and figures everything out.

Tim: so you’ve just been doing this for months? isn’t the corpse like… decayed?

Jason: no i took like a hundred in advance before i cremated the fucker. so i can do this for like another year.

Tim, remembering the shit he had to go through on his 16th birthday so really Bruce has what’s coming to him:

Tim: that’s actually kinda funny.

Jason, delighted: right?!? i still have the suit i was buried in, too, so i’m thinking of making myself look corpse-like for a couple selfies and taking it one step further.

Tim: ok well that’s diabolically cruel.

Tim:

Tim: you know i’m somewhat of a photographer myself…

Jason: this is the start of a beautiful secret friendship, Replacement.

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The urban fantasy show I actually want to see is a hospital drama with a dedicated wing for supernatural illnesses.

Vampirism. Lycanthropy. Cheap spells gone wrong. A woman brought in for her prenatal has to be told her baby is a lindworm. Someone is literally being followed by the anthropomorphic personification of the Black Death.

Someone somewhere out there is having their perception of the world irreparably shattered by the knowledge that magic is real, and at the other side is a team of doctors who have to roll their eyes and pull out Grimm’s Complete Fairy Tales because some high school kid tried to go Carrie with a cheap spellbook and turn all the kids at prom into frogs, and the doctors have to wrangle a couple dozen teenagers into admitting if they have a true love who can break the spell.

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Danny: Welcome to Danny' Scoop! Where ice cream and Happy News meet. How can I help you?

Jon: Hi! Okay, I want the Sunshine Daily, extra sprinkles, extra peanuts, and lots of chocolate syrup!

Danny: You got it, and for your friend?

Damian: Pecan.

Jon: You don't want to try anything from the Wacky News menu? They have dummies!

Damian: Pecan. In a cup.

Danny: Sweet and simple. I like it. One second.

Damian: So this is a ice-cream shop with a old time newspaper gimmick?

Jon: Yeah, it's so cool! He gives happy news tapped to the cones or ice cream. Or he gives you a chance to reach into the New Coverage bag for a prize!

Damian: Its....cute.

Jon: I know that Damian for "I think its stupid"

Damian: I'm not a child. I don't need this positivity whenever I want something sweet how-

Random kid: Mom, look at the New Coverage Prize I just pulled! I get to pet a penguin at the zoo!

Damian slapping a wad of cash on the counter: I want everything off the Wacky Menu, and I want a chance to pull a prize.

Jon: I knew you would love it!

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i made some art on superman's day on this april but forgot to post it here btw happy pride everybody!!❤🧡💛💙💚💜

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Ok so I’ve seen posts talking about Bruce doing the parent thing where he mixes up his kids names but I raise you: the batkids accidentally calling each other “Mom”, “Dad”, “Bruce” etc.

Like imagine Tim helping Jason, who’s delirious with a fever, get back into bed only to hear a quiet “Thanks, mom.”

Imagine Duke working tirelessly on some case and Cass sneaking up behind him to tell him to get some rest, and when he sees her he just goes “Jesus, Bruce, you scared me!” and then just pauses, turns, and walks away.

Imagine Tim getting some sort of infection and he’s just lying on the floor, and Damian stumbles upon him and helps him onto the couch while muttering insults, and then Tim just blinks at him and whispers “Dad?” before passing out.

Imagine Damian with a bad concussion arguing with Steph, and getting more and more tense as the argument goes on before he blurts out “You are correct, Grandfather.”

It’s not just the kids either, imagine Bruce being sleep deprived and staring at the same spot on the batcomputer for ten minutes, and Dick walks up to him and tells him gently but sternly he needs to go to bed, and Bruce just goes “Ok, mom.” without a hint of sarcasm.

Imagine Alfred, whose age is beginning to catch up with him, seeing Jason’s massive figure reading silently in the library one night and going “Master Bruce, what are you doing in here…?” before freezing when he realizes his mistake.

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Doofenshmirtz is kind of proof that you can, in fact, make one of the funniest characters out there by throwing shit at the wall.

He’s a supervillain, he’s amicably divorced, he was raised by ocelots, his evil ambitions only stretch as far as taking over the tri-state area, he’s in a romantically-coded/joked about rivalry with a sentient platypus, he’s a good dad, he once lost a fight with a potted plant, he was forced to be a lawn gnome. But most importantly, he never gives up.

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Titans Tower AU where Jason met Tim during his first ever high-end event as a Wayne adoptee, and it ended with Jason hyperventilating alone on a balcony because a nine year old appeared behind him, tapped him on the shoulder, and politely and robotically inquired ‘do the hors d’oeuvres suit your taste, Mr Todd?’ and Jason was so stressed from the environment already that when he heard that kind of speech coming from a nine year old he freaked out and immediately assumed Tim was either possessed or in some other way a threat, and he instinctively karate chopped the kid in a nerve on his shoulders before bolting, and now looking back it was probably just some weird rich kid who didn’t know how to make friends and Jason totally physically assaulted him in a public place with witnesses and Bruce was probably going to hear about it and decide that he wasn’t cut out to be a Wayne and get rid of him and now he can hear Dick crying with laughter in the hall as he tries to locate Jason because as funny as it was to watch that happen he probably should help with whatever panic attack Jason just ran off to have after Tim collapsed, temporarily paralysed, and also he hit the champagne glass display on the way down so really there was no way they could avoid Bruce hearing about the incident-

years later, the Red Hood breaks into Titans Tower to beat up Timothy Drake, and upon revealing his identity and pinning him against the wall, Tim nervously whispers ‘oh god you aren’t going to paralyse me again, right?’

memories flooding back, Jason’s face goes red so quickly he doesn’t know what to do with himself, and instantly forgetting why he went to the tower in the first place he ends up letting Tim go on the promise that they never talk about that incident ever again. Slightly terrified, Tim agrees. Jason nods, stiltedly, and they awkwardly stand next to each other in the wrecked tower for 30 silent seconds before Tim eventually asks for help with his English essay, and, baffled, Jason says yes.

when Bruce shows up and wants to know what changed Hood’s mind, both of them refuse to say a word about it. it honestly scares Bruce how serious they are about their silence.

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just remembered this tiktok

—

tim: hey, which do you think? red dress or black dress for tonight?

kon: oh i don't know, you'll look beautiful in whatever you decide

tim: thank you, but im actually having a hard tim deciding and i was hoping you could pick

kon: either way you're gonna be the prettiest one at the gala babe, i love you so much

tim: okay no- i love you too and i know you think im beautiful and this isn't a test. i just, which dress would you perfer to see me in tonight?

kon: i prefer you just the way you are

tim, stepping out of his room: oh my god- HEY JASON! red dress or black dress!?

jason, from otherside of the manor: black. red makes you look like a bitch

tim: thank you!

jason: no problem!

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just bruce being oblivious to his children's relationship:

——————

Dick, cuddling with Wally on the couch in the family's den, whispering 'I love yous':

Bruce: They are such good friends.

——————

Jason, bringing Roy home one day for a family dinner, hands never leaving each other the entire time:

Bruce: They are such good friends.

——————

Tim, wearing Kon's jacket, the half-Kryptonian following him everywhere he go like a lost puppy:

Bruce: They are such good friends.

——————

Cass, straddling Steph's lap and kissing her face:

Bruce: They are such good friends.

——————

Damian (18), literally getting caught making out with Jon in his room:

Bruce: They... hmmm. Are such good friends.

Duke, behind him: For fuck's sake, Bruce.

Alfred, probably, somewhere in the Manor: World's Greatest Detective my ass.

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I need Dr. Damian Wayne except he’s literally just Dr. house. He’s constantly fed up with everyone’s bs and is popping advil like candies.

———

Tim: hey Damian, so great to see my FAVORITE brother ever!!

Damian done with ts: alright what’d you do this time?

Tim: *pulls cape back to show a gun wound* I was shot.

Damian: *sigh* why do I even try

———

Damian’s coworkers: so the patient is having sharp pains, fever, fatigue, and ulcers

One of the doctors: it could be-

Damian: if I hear you suggest lupus one more time I will hit you

———

Bruce: Damian what the hell are you doing?

Damian very obviously playing solitaire on his computer: hm? I’m working duh.

Bruce: I did not pay for ten years of med school for you to play solitaire

Damian: *side eyes bruce* you spend most your days dressed as a bat and solving jigsaw puzzles of cats

Bruce: touché.

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had this vision of Batman full-naming his kids, but he has to preserve the secret identities

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Gotham does a Batman lookalike contest and there's no way the Batkids don't participate along with like, half of Gotham. It is simultaneously their boon and bane

Dick, staring at a Batman suit Tim brought him: What am I supposed to do with that?

Tim, in an identical batsuit: There's a batman lookalike contest in crime alley! We have to participate.

Dick, now staring at the suit in disgust: Wear that? Again? I'd Much Rather Die.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason, in another batsuit, staring in the mirror, close to crashing out: Why do I actually look like him?

Damian, in an identical, smaller batsuit: It is because you are nearly the same height and weight as Father.

Jason, immediately tearing the arms off the suit so it looks like a tank top: There. That's better.

Damian: It is not.

Duke, in an identical suit with gold highlights, now covering Damian's ears: You look like Batbabe the stripper

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stephanie, in her robin suit, standing beside cass, who's in a batman suit: We'll win easy

Duke: You realize it's a batman lookalike competition, right?

Steph: There is no batman without robin, duh

Dick:... you're the only fucker in this family I respect

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: This is incredibly irresponsible of all of you. This could give away major clues that we are-

Duke: Don't you wanna look at your kids cosplaying you, without the danger and responsibilities?

Bruce:

Bruce: Carry on

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cass, holding the 20$ prize money she got from winning third place:

Dick, grudgingly holding the 40$ he got for second place, glaring at Bruce:

Tim: Wait, if even Dick's second, who the hell won first?

Clark, holding 100$ and a 'Batman forreal!' certificate: Hi Guys

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the JL probably stopped thinking that Batman was the greatest detective in the world like, the minute that any of the batkids started getting involved in team missions. they get to watch the Robins run circles around Bruce consistently and without hesitation and i bet they wonder how the fuck they ever thought he was untouchable.

*during a world threatening, all hands on deck emergency*

Batman: everybody understand the plan?

Flash: we’re good to go, on your word.

Batman: then lets get on with it.

Robin, picking up his katana: agreed, let us engage the enemy. and also real quick before we do, i have to tell you that i got suspended from school for two weeks for slamming another student’s head into a table. alright, lets go.

Batman, visibly doing a doubletake: -woah wait hold on, Damian-

Red Robin, scornfull: seriously B? you’re gonna get distracted and let THOUSANDS of people die, because of that little tidbit? what, and now i guess you’re gonna freak out because i got a DUI a few days ago?

Batman: YOU GOT A DUI-?

Robin: father, honestly, priorities.

Batman: i- uh-

The rest of the league, exchanging blank looks:

*massive explosion*

Batman: um- OK WE HAVE TO GO BUT WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER-

*after the fight, ten hours later, everybody is exhausted and covered in blood and dust*

Batman, wrapping gauze around Robin’s wrist: i… feel like there was something i was going to say earlier. regarding you.

The league, watching the Robins stay completely silent:

Red Hood, without blinking: yeah old man, you promised us all that you’d buy pizza on the way back to Gotham.

Batman: …i don’t remember saying th-

Nightwing: fucking course you don’t. first you forget to tell me my little brother dies until after his funeral, now you forget to feed me. are you gonna forget to invite me over for game night, too?

Batman:

Robin: *silently making an ‘a-ok’ gesture behind Bruce’s back*

Batman: …right. yeah. that must have been it. we’ll get pizza ordered to the manor.

Superman, leaning over to Green Arrow: do you think he’ll be ok alone with them? they’re kinda mean

Green Arrow: no i knew that man in college. he brought this on himself.

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Can’t take the Robin out of the boy

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Brucie Wayne comes out with his own cosmetic line.

When asked about it during an interview he responds, “Why let the girls have all the fun?” before winking at the camera, kissing some reporter on the cheek, and disappearing while the camera pans to the bright red lipstick mark.

His kids do the bulk of the promoting, sending out packages to people on youtube and tiktok and instagram. Tim has them all try out a few looks on their social medias. There are a few “collabs” that Bruce is grateful he doesn’t have to appear in.

The fan favorite of the promos is a youtube video called My Siblings Do My Makeup, which is just Tim subjecting himself to the chaos. Steph and Dick’s looks are as always, unfairly good. Jason goes for a drag look and Tim is happy to complete the makeover when Steph lends him an appropriate dress. Cass and Duke do well but they go for straightforward and not overly complicated. The video ends with Damian’s look, everyone sitting stunned. He hadn’t gone for the obvious troll they’d been expecting. In fact, Tim thought it might be his favorite look of the video. When pressed, all Damian would say on the subject is, “I have seen my Mother prepare for far more dignified outings than the galas you subject me to.”

It’s an absolute hit. Especially in Gotham, where people have frequent encounters with rogues that love leaving their victims with “reminders” that aren’t easy concealed. There are reddit pages dedicated to people suggesting the brand for covering up scars and other noticeable markings.

There is even a video, shaky and badly lit, of Nightwing shouting at Two Face during a rooftop pursuit asking if he’s tried out the sample he sent him. The video ends abruptly with some shouted curses punctuated with gunfire. The following morning, from a burner twitter account, was a single image of someone in a red helmet holding Harvey Dent for the camera, both sides of his face looking like he did just before the accident, although far angrier.