ghostly-fandom-trash

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Ok so I’ve seen posts talking about Bruce doing the parent thing where he mixes up his kids names but I raise you: the batkids accidentally calling each other “Mom”, “Dad”, “Bruce” etc.

Like imagine Tim helping Jason, who’s delirious with a fever, get back into bed only to hear a quiet “Thanks, mom.”

Imagine Duke working tirelessly on some case and Cass sneaking up behind him to tell him to get some rest, and when he sees her he just goes “Jesus, Bruce, you scared me!” and then just pauses, turns, and walks away.

Imagine Tim getting some sort of infection and he’s just lying on the floor, and Damian stumbles upon him and helps him onto the couch while muttering insults, and then Tim just blinks at him and whispers “Dad?” before passing out.

Imagine Damian with a bad concussion arguing with Steph, and getting more and more tense as the argument goes on before he blurts out “You are correct, Grandfather.”

It’s not just the kids either, imagine Bruce being sleep deprived and staring at the same spot on the batcomputer for ten minutes, and Dick walks up to him and tells him gently but sternly he needs to go to bed, and Bruce just goes “Ok, mom.” without a hint of sarcasm.

Imagine Alfred, whose age is beginning to catch up with him, seeing Jason’s massive figure reading silently in the library one night and going “Master Bruce, what are you doing in here…?” before freezing when he realizes his mistake.

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Doofenshmirtz is kind of proof that you can, in fact, make one of the funniest characters out there by throwing shit at the wall.

He’s a supervillain, he’s amicably divorced, he was raised by ocelots, his evil ambitions only stretch as far as taking over the tri-state area, he’s in a romantically-coded/joked about rivalry with a sentient platypus, he’s a good dad, he once lost a fight with a potted plant, he was forced to be a lawn gnome. But most importantly, he never gives up.

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Titans Tower AU where Jason met Tim during his first ever high-end event as a Wayne adoptee, and it ended with Jason hyperventilating alone on a balcony because a nine year old appeared behind him, tapped him on the shoulder, and politely and robotically inquired ‘do the hors d’oeuvres suit your taste, Mr Todd?’ and Jason was so stressed from the environment already that when he heard that kind of speech coming from a nine year old he freaked out and immediately assumed Tim was either possessed or in some other way a threat, and he instinctively karate chopped the kid in a nerve on his shoulders before bolting, and now looking back it was probably just some weird rich kid who didn’t know how to make friends and Jason totally physically assaulted him in a public place with witnesses and Bruce was probably going to hear about it and decide that he wasn’t cut out to be a Wayne and get rid of him and now he can hear Dick crying with laughter in the hall as he tries to locate Jason because as funny as it was to watch that happen he probably should help with whatever panic attack Jason just ran off to have after Tim collapsed, temporarily paralysed, and also he hit the champagne glass display on the way down so really there was no way they could avoid Bruce hearing about the incident-

years later, the Red Hood breaks into Titans Tower to beat up Timothy Drake, and upon revealing his identity and pinning him against the wall, Tim nervously whispers ‘oh god you aren’t going to paralyse me again, right?’

memories flooding back, Jason’s face goes red so quickly he doesn’t know what to do with himself, and instantly forgetting why he went to the tower in the first place he ends up letting Tim go on the promise that they never talk about that incident ever again. Slightly terrified, Tim agrees. Jason nods, stiltedly, and they awkwardly stand next to each other in the wrecked tower for 30 silent seconds before Tim eventually asks for help with his English essay, and, baffled, Jason says yes.

when Bruce shows up and wants to know what changed Hood’s mind, both of them refuse to say a word about it. it honestly scares Bruce how serious they are about their silence.

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just remembered this tiktok

—

tim: hey, which do you think? red dress or black dress for tonight?

kon: oh i don't know, you'll look beautiful in whatever you decide

tim: thank you, but im actually having a hard tim deciding and i was hoping you could pick

kon: either way you're gonna be the prettiest one at the gala babe, i love you so much

tim: okay no- i love you too and i know you think im beautiful and this isn't a test. i just, which dress would you perfer to see me in tonight?

kon: i prefer you just the way you are

tim, stepping out of his room: oh my god- HEY JASON! red dress or black dress!?

jason, from otherside of the manor: black. red makes you look like a bitch

tim: thank you!

jason: no problem!

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just bruce being oblivious to his children's relationship:

——————

Dick, cuddling with Wally on the couch in the family's den, whispering 'I love yous':

Bruce: They are such good friends.

——————

Jason, bringing Roy home one day for a family dinner, hands never leaving each other the entire time:

Bruce: They are such good friends.

——————

Tim, wearing Kon's jacket, the half-Kryptonian following him everywhere he go like a lost puppy:

Bruce: They are such good friends.

——————

Cass, straddling Steph's lap and kissing her face:

Bruce: They are such good friends.

——————

Damian (18), literally getting caught making out with Jon in his room:

Bruce: They... hmmm. Are such good friends.

Duke, behind him: For fuck's sake, Bruce.

Alfred, probably, somewhere in the Manor: World's Greatest Detective my ass.

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I need Dr. Damian Wayne except he’s literally just Dr. house. He’s constantly fed up with everyone’s bs and is popping advil like candies.

———

Tim: hey Damian, so great to see my FAVORITE brother ever!!

Damian done with ts: alright what’d you do this time?

Tim: *pulls cape back to show a gun wound* I was shot.

Damian: *sigh* why do I even try

———

Damian’s coworkers: so the patient is having sharp pains, fever, fatigue, and ulcers

One of the doctors: it could be-

Damian: if I hear you suggest lupus one more time I will hit you

———

Bruce: Damian what the hell are you doing?

Damian very obviously playing solitaire on his computer: hm? I’m working duh.

Bruce: I did not pay for ten years of med school for you to play solitaire

Damian: *side eyes bruce* you spend most your days dressed as a bat and solving jigsaw puzzles of cats

Bruce: touché.

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had this vision of Batman full-naming his kids, but he has to preserve the secret identities

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Gotham does a Batman lookalike contest and there's no way the Batkids don't participate along with like, half of Gotham. It is simultaneously their boon and bane

Dick, staring at a Batman suit Tim brought him: What am I supposed to do with that?

Tim, in an identical batsuit: There's a batman lookalike contest in crime alley! We have to participate.

Dick, now staring at the suit in disgust: Wear that? Again? I'd Much Rather Die.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason, in another batsuit, staring in the mirror, close to crashing out: Why do I actually look like him?

Damian, in an identical, smaller batsuit: It is because you are nearly the same height and weight as Father.

Jason, immediately tearing the arms off the suit so it looks like a tank top: There. That's better.

Damian: It is not.

Duke, in an identical suit with gold highlights, now covering Damian's ears: You look like Batbabe the stripper

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stephanie, in her robin suit, standing beside cass, who's in a batman suit: We'll win easy

Duke: You realize it's a batman lookalike competition, right?

Steph: There is no batman without robin, duh

Dick:... you're the only fucker in this family I respect

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: This is incredibly irresponsible of all of you. This could give away major clues that we are-

Duke: Don't you wanna look at your kids cosplaying you, without the danger and responsibilities?

Bruce:

Bruce: Carry on

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cass, holding the 20$ prize money she got from winning third place:

Dick, grudgingly holding the 40$ he got for second place, glaring at Bruce:

Tim: Wait, if even Dick's second, who the hell won first?

Clark, holding 100$ and a 'Batman forreal!' certificate: Hi Guys

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the JL probably stopped thinking that Batman was the greatest detective in the world like, the minute that any of the batkids started getting involved in team missions. they get to watch the Robins run circles around Bruce consistently and without hesitation and i bet they wonder how the fuck they ever thought he was untouchable.

*during a world threatening, all hands on deck emergency*

Batman: everybody understand the plan?

Flash: we’re good to go, on your word.

Batman: then lets get on with it.

Robin, picking up his katana: agreed, let us engage the enemy. and also real quick before we do, i have to tell you that i got suspended from school for two weeks for slamming another student’s head into a table. alright, lets go.

Batman, visibly doing a doubletake: -woah wait hold on, Damian-

Red Robin, scornfull: seriously B? you’re gonna get distracted and let THOUSANDS of people die, because of that little tidbit? what, and now i guess you’re gonna freak out because i got a DUI a few days ago?

Batman: YOU GOT A DUI-?

Robin: father, honestly, priorities.

Batman: i- uh-

The rest of the league, exchanging blank looks:

*massive explosion*

Batman: um- OK WE HAVE TO GO BUT WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER-

*after the fight, ten hours later, everybody is exhausted and covered in blood and dust*

Batman, wrapping gauze around Robin’s wrist: i… feel like there was something i was going to say earlier. regarding you.

The league, watching the Robins stay completely silent:

Red Hood, without blinking: yeah old man, you promised us all that you’d buy pizza on the way back to Gotham.

Batman: …i don’t remember saying th-

Nightwing: fucking course you don’t. first you forget to tell me my little brother dies until after his funeral, now you forget to feed me. are you gonna forget to invite me over for game night, too?

Batman:

Robin: *silently making an ‘a-ok’ gesture behind Bruce’s back*

Batman: …right. yeah. that must have been it. we’ll get pizza ordered to the manor.

Superman, leaning over to Green Arrow: do you think he’ll be ok alone with them? they’re kinda mean

Green Arrow: no i knew that man in college. he brought this on himself.

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Can’t take the Robin out of the boy

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Brucie Wayne comes out with his own cosmetic line.

When asked about it during an interview he responds, “Why let the girls have all the fun?” before winking at the camera, kissing some reporter on the cheek, and disappearing while the camera pans to the bright red lipstick mark.

His kids do the bulk of the promoting, sending out packages to people on youtube and tiktok and instagram. Tim has them all try out a few looks on their social medias. There are a few “collabs” that Bruce is grateful he doesn’t have to appear in.

The fan favorite of the promos is a youtube video called My Siblings Do My Makeup, which is just Tim subjecting himself to the chaos. Steph and Dick’s looks are as always, unfairly good. Jason goes for a drag look and Tim is happy to complete the makeover when Steph lends him an appropriate dress. Cass and Duke do well but they go for straightforward and not overly complicated. The video ends with Damian’s look, everyone sitting stunned. He hadn’t gone for the obvious troll they’d been expecting. In fact, Tim thought it might be his favorite look of the video. When pressed, all Damian would say on the subject is, “I have seen my Mother prepare for far more dignified outings than the galas you subject me to.”

It’s an absolute hit. Especially in Gotham, where people have frequent encounters with rogues that love leaving their victims with “reminders” that aren’t easy concealed. There are reddit pages dedicated to people suggesting the brand for covering up scars and other noticeable markings.

There is even a video, shaky and badly lit, of Nightwing shouting at Two Face during a rooftop pursuit asking if he’s tried out the sample he sent him. The video ends abruptly with some shouted curses punctuated with gunfire. The following morning, from a burner twitter account, was a single image of someone in a red helmet holding Harvey Dent for the camera, both sides of his face looking like he did just before the accident, although far angrier.

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Here’s some good and easy comment ideas for those who feel shy or don’t know what to say but would like to leave something:

1. A classic: keyboard smash such as

Nrbdbsbbkigq or fhbdboejwbakwjev

2. THEM <3

(Fill in pronouns as needed or refer to a pairing)

3. Screaming, crying, throwing up, ect

Or it’s cousin:

4. Kicking my feet, giggling

5. [Block of copy-pasted text] I like/love this bit in particular; I like how you phrased this

6. I keep rotating [character/section of text] in my head

7. I read this while [insert what you were doing; ie: procrastinating a test, waiting for the bus, ect]

8. Extra Kudos!

9. Encore! Bravo! Magnificent!

10. [character name] my beloved

11. I relate to this so hard

Optional, include [line of text] or situation you relate to

12. Thank you for sharing!

13. 💖💖💖

14. I love how you’ve written [x character trait]

15. I love this kind of AU so much!!

16. I’m so excited to see what happens next! I hope [random story prediction here]

17. I will commit atrocities for this character!

18. This is some hella good soup!

19. This is my favorite [trope, paring, au]!

20. AAAAAA They are so [soft/traumatized/attractive]!!!

Feel free to mix and match these for an extra special comment!

Additionally, if you have some favorite go-to comments, feel free to share!

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Some robins designs so they’re not just “kid with a mask and curtain bangs”

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Non-speaking Cass joins the fray (Tim is confused)

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I don't know where I saw it first, but the idea that Dick is like nonverbal when he's younger and kinda reverts to it when he's older too and the only person who can read him accurately is Bruce means so much to me

just just just-

Superman, eyes narrowed at little Robin!Dick who's sitting on the chimney: Hmmmm. He wants me to fly Batman, tiredly dealing with the leftover goons nearby: No. Superman, eyes twitching as he tries to telepathically reach Dick: He wants to fly Batman, eyes rolling behind the mask: He always wants to fly. That doesn't count. Superman, about ready to bribe Dick into speaking: He wants... Robin!Dick, completely unbothered by Clark's desperate attempts: :) Batman, exasperated and joining his son again: He wanted to see you punt that car into the sky. But since you couldn't understand him... Robin!Dick, who actually wanted Bruce to hug him and is now getting his wish but is still a little shit: :( Clark, panicking: Wait no- ~ Oliver, babysitting: Do you want... to go play videogames? Little Dick Grayson, staring at him wide eyed: :/ Oliver, frowning because he will crack this thank you very much Dinah for your vote of confidence: how about... the park? Bruce, who hasn't left yet because Oliver is helpless: No. Oliver, intent: The move theater? Bruce, concerned at how no one is able to understand his son when it's so easy: No. Oliver, growing a lil panicked: You want to bake something! Bruce, now severely concerned for his friends ability to read people: Not even close. Oliver: I give up. Bruce: He wants you to read to him. Dick: *nodding* Oliver:... *i hate you, you're lying to me, this is rigged-* yeah okay ~ Hal, on watch with Nightwing: mmmm waffles! Nightwing, tired and nonverbal but amused: *shakes head* Hal, concentrating: mmmm pancakes! Nightwing, yawning: *shakes head* Hal, panicking now because the elevator just opened which means Bruce is about to arrive: um um- oh! Chocolate fudge! Bruce, arrived: White chocolate chip macadamia cookies. Dick, pleased: *nods* Hal, defeated: ... one, please...

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Star Sapphire Jason Todd, but the ring shows up after the Batarang Incident as his people are dragging him to Leslie’s clinic, which results in

Ring: Jason Todd of Ear-

Goon 1: Dude, you can’t just say that, don’t you know ANYTHING about vigilantes?

Goon 2: Yeah, when he’s in the suit he’s Red Hood, get it right

Ring:

Ring: Red Hood of Earth,

Goon 3: “Of Earth?” That’s weird, man

Goon 1: Yeah, if anything he’s “of Gotham”

Goon 2: Nah, Hood’s “of Crime Alley”

And Jason is sitting there trying not to laugh as his people bully a fucking Lantern Ring, because he’s still bleeding and Leslie would genuinely eviscerate him for moving before she’s done with his stitches. Eventually they end up forcing the ring to explicitly lay out everything that accepting the ring would entail like it’s a work contract, and he’s actually kind of proud of them because it meant they were listening, and he doesn’t have the heart to tell them he already knows what a Star Sapphire is (though he did technically learn a few details he hadn’t known before, so it was probably good they did it anyway).

Anyway, the ring eventually makes its offer (calling him Red Hood of Crime Alley in a bid to not be interrupted), and Jason waits as his goons debate the pros and cons, wondering when the ring will realize he can’t actually give verbal consent at the moment due to the, y’know, recently slit throat.

He eventually does accept the ring, once it’s determined that he can choose his outfit and won’t draw too much attention to himself by glowing. It’s probably pretty good timing, since even though Leslie did a good job putting him back together (while all of this was going on, the ring refused to leave him and his people were adamant on fighting for his legal rights against the cosmic entity, which she tolerated as long as they helped and stayed physically out of the way), his throat still hurts like a bitch and the healing magic that rushes through him is pure relief. Anyway, due to the way they had the ring word the proposal, the newest Star Sapphire is logged officially as “Red Hood of Crime Alley,” and Hal immediately starts sweating, absolutely dreading having to tell Spooky that his Crime Lord Problem just got significantly more complicated.

Leslie bargains to have Jason use healing magic on more severe cases, and they set up a schedule for him to work shifts at the clinic, and then she immediately goes to beat Batman’s ass for what happened since she is well aware of who Jason Todd is, and the goons may have already forcefully ejected his name from their minds in respect, but she still hasn’t forgiven Bruce for forcing her to perform an honestly pretty irrelevant autopsy on the kid. She can ask him how he came back later.

Jason is just trying to see how accurately he can form construct versions of his guns. The pink is a bit much, but the unlimited ammo is pretty sweet