giltandguilt

[giltandguilt]

In films, we are voyeurs, but in novels, we have the experience of being someone else: knowing another person's soul from the inside. No other art form does that. And this is why sometimes, when we put down a book, we find ourselves slightly altered as human beings. Novels change us from within.

Donna Tartt

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stoned richard papen 15 years later sitting there watching some true crime youtuber talk about the mysterious death of a hampden college student while doing glittery makeup and smacking foundation on her face with a sponge bigger than her head bleeping half the words so youtube doesnt kill her views with comments full of random girls like okayyy but this whole henryy was totally a hear me outt

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Max: He is getting to be a serious pain in the you-know-what.

Oskar: The nose? The ear?

Max: Would it really give you that much pleasure to hear me say, 'arse'?

Oskar: Well, I was not sure, but yes.

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Max: *throws his hat on the bottom bunk and goes to take off his coat*

Oskar: *puts Max's hat on the top bunk and throws his own hat on the bottom bunk. Then goes to take off his jacket*

Max: "... I preferred the top bunk anyway"

[giltandguilt]

There is so much going on in this short scene. I can’t stop thinking about it.

Max has observed that Oskar is desperate to solve a case, perhaps thinking that Oskar is insecure. But after they visit the cemetery Max has finally figured out the root of Oskar’s sadness and restlessness. I can’t blame Max for his fascination and satisfaction at discovering what he feels and knows to be true about this man. This is I think where Max the analyst and Max the friend meet, the intersection of study and caring, when we come to Max’s motivation as a person to help people. Yes, he is fascinated by human nature in a detached way, but he is also very keen to help people. In this scene he is moved by Oskar’s restrained emotion and is struggling not to show emotion, struggling to remain the analyst. I also think that Max wasn't expecting to hear about a child's death. In his profession sympathizing or showing intense emotion is discouraged and I would say the same is true today. But Max can no longer maintain a professional distance because their relationship is not one of patient and therapist. This is partly due to Oskar’s honesty about his feelings.

Oskar is not going to spare anyone’s feelings; he’s going to protect himself. I sympathize with Oskar. He values the fact that Max has noticed his grief when most people likely haven’t, but he is also on the defensive, and rightly so. It’s an insult to be dissected when you don’t want to be, particularly when you're grieving. Oskar did not ask to be psychoanalyzed. He has not consented to be picked apart because he did not ask for help. He desires understanding. He states that he does not want to be “dissected”. When you’re grieving a loved one the last thing you want is someone coldly picking at your brain like you’re a specimen. When you’re grieving you are both your basic self and not yourself at all. You are diminished; your senses are heightened and yet you are numb as well. Oskar just wants to work. He’s clearly still in a lesser period of shock. As you grieve you experience many, if not hundreds, of layers of shock. It’s like you keep waking up over and over again. The shock wears off very gradually. The deeper in shock you are the more you want to just work. You are focused on utility and your brain keeps you numb to prevent more severe damage.

Max might have pushed further with someone else but I think at this point he understands that Oskar is no longer a subject to be observed, no longer someone he can coldly analyze, but a colleague and a friend. He realizes that Oskar is not ready for analysis or therapy but needs understanding and occupation. Max sees Oskar’s hand shake, knows and actually listens when the man tells him he cannot talk about his grief yet. Oskar has taken a great step even telling Max, a young foreign man he barely knows, that all he has is work because his beloved child is dead and his wife has left him. I think that Max understands the enormity of that in this moment. Max says, “if there’s anything I can do to help…” Because he knows that he has to offer support and hold back on his impulse to treat Oskar like a case study.

Max is an example of someone who has the capacity to stay completely cold as a psychoanalyst but his own emotions prevent him from being wholly methodical. In a later scene when Amelia is “cured” he has tears in his eyes. His compassion takes him beyond a single-minded analyst.

The emotion he has in the lecture hall is the same emotion he has in the café, magnified. When Max sees Oskar’s hand shake does he want to reach out and calm him? As a friend you often have that impulse. Oskar has a hard time looking at Max. Human connection and eye contact can stir huge emotions that a person might not be prepared to face. They look at each other briefly. And Max, the observer, looks down with emotion, perhaps even giving Oskar privacy. His shoulders change, no longer proud with youthful overconfidence or even arrogance, but timid and shy. He hunches down just a tiny bit, looking sideways at Oskar. And once Oskar has said he needs to solve the case so he can be “fine” Max instantaneously changes the topic to the case and more importantly how he himself can help Oskar take action.

[giltandguilt]

[giltandguilt]

Will Graham grew up with a rosary around his neck and guilt in his chest. It’s no surprise he turned to the only thing that felt like salvation (Hannibal).

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[giltandguilt]

— william wordsworth (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

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The fact that bunny changed his major for henry.

to be closer to him and for him, a bit of both i think.

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Bunny, who had been feeling paranoid for weeks because his friends were plotting to kill him.

Bunny, who would have felt safe on that cliff because Richard was there.

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They should make a job where I get to be cool and look mysterious and write weird poetry and maybe sing a little too idk

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richard’s winter break

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— Greg Santora (via letsbelonelytogetherr)

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Bunny never once paid for his own cigarettes. He either bummed them off Henry or stole them from convenience stores like it was a divine right.

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“Let’s raise children who won’t have to recover from their childhoods.”

— Pam Leo