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The Origin of Misogyny: It is not Men’s Socialization or Men’s Nature, but Men’s Ability

The idea that misogyny comes from socialization is circular logic. Misogyny comes from misogynistic laws and religions? Who made the laws? Who made the religions? How is it possible that women were  socialized to be subservient to men in so many cultures, even ones that had no previous contact with each other?

However, the idea that misogyny comes from men’s nature is also flawed. Yes, men’s hatred of women is extremely common, as previously established, yet it is not completely universal. There have been matriarchal societies. And in our day-to-day interactions with men, we do notice differences between men based on how they were raised and their respective day-to-day environments.

So what is the root of misogyny, if it’s not men’s socialization or men’s nature? 

I think a more useful way of understanding misogyny (and honestly all forms of oppression) is not to focus on socialization or nature but on ability.

Men have a unique ability to harm women in a way that women cannot harm men. Men can impregnate women. Women cannot impregnate men. On top of having this unique ability, men also have major incentives for doing it: by impregnating a woman, they receive pleasure and a lineage. Unlike women, they also run such a small biological risk for producing a child. After having their orgasm, nothing else is biologically required from them. At worst, they might get an STD.

You might argue that some men are gay or do not want children. That’s all very much true. However, I am not arguing that men have a natural impulse to use their ability. I am simply stating that they have the ability. It is also important to understand that men exist as a class, as well as individuals. While individual men might not even have the ability to impregnate (due to infertility), we can hopefully understand that men as a class have this ability.

If it helps, we can think of this unique ability like a gun. Half of the population is born with a gun (ability to impregnate)  and a bullet-proof vest (inability to be impregnated); the other half is born with neither. The ones born with the gun and the bullet-proof vest  are not necessarily born with a natural impulse to fire the gun–but they are nonetheless born with one.

Even if a man never hurts someone with the gun, I want you to imagine how his psyche is formed just by virtue of having it. Imagine walking into a room with a gun and a bullet-proof vest, and no one else in the room has either. Even if you would never use the gun…just having one gives you a sense of protection, and perhaps a sense of superiority and power. Even if you would never use your tacit threat, you nonetheless have a tacit threat. And now imagine the psyche of those without the gun or the vest. They are vulnerable, and know that they are vulnerable, to the ones who do have one. And so their options are to either appease those with guns and vests, always tip-toeing around them–or to band together.

The ability argument answers the questions that the socialization argument fails to address; namely, it answers the question “where do sexist laws and religions come from?”  It comes from men’s unique ability to harm women in a way that women cannot harm men. This is not to say that men have a natural impulse to harm women–just that they can. 

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Love seeing women with bare faces, short fingernails, practical shoes, comfortable clothing, a full plate, a toothy grin, a relaxed posture. Love love love seeing women comfortable and happy and unselfconscious.

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Ikigai

Reading this book filled me with a sense of calm, tranquility and drive to find my purpose in this world. It made me appreciate all the small things in my life and validated all my good habits. I feel like I claw my way through work every single day. I hope that I can apply the techniques in this book to make work more satisfying and fulfilling.

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Actually refreshing to see women being angry on screen. Most of the time we are used to women being sad or docile, but this movie made me feel so satisfied in so many different ways. Although, this situation would probably never take place in actual India, the movie felt like an escape that a lot of women need. It gave an insight into what we can truly be capable of. The only part that irked me was the ending, when she said she would be no different from him if she killed him. I mean, why cant we just let them have their revenge?

double kudos to the salon lady in Darlings who saw Badru dragging her husband wrapped in a carpet down the stairs and kept her mouth shut. the unspoken solidarity between women is a beautiful thing to watch

also getting him to record a statement saying he's responsible for his own death before killing him was very smart

but really what was gutting was that she eventually changed her mind and set him free and immediately he was like I'm gonna fucking kill you just like I killed your daughter, like, she kept giving him another chance till the last second and it still didn't work

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Attached: review

3.5/5

Overall, a pretty important read, especially when it comes to the context of modern dating and the numerous complications that come with it. The book did a good job of showing readers on what an anxious mindset looks like and the various coping strategies employed by anxiously attached people. As opposed to the many pick-up artists and dating coaches, this book was refreshing in suggesting honesty as the main principle when it comes to dating. This also includes being honest with yourself on your needs and being able to effectively communicate them with a partner. 

I do, however, wish that we as a society would stop elevating male-female romantic relationships as the ultimate and the healthiest form of human companionship. Companionship can come in many ways including friends, family, roommates, etc and I wish that this concept was explored more, that you do not necessarily have to force yourself to make a relationship work. The option of exiting a relationship that doesn’t add value to your life should always be available and accepted.

I also didn’t particularly understand or empathize with the avoidantly attached while reading this book. In fact it felt pretty validating to me as someone who was previously anxiously attached but I would love to gain more insight into how people who are avoidantly attached think. Explaining the neuroscience behind how our mind-body systems work during activation and deactivation would’ve also been useful in helping readers gain more understanding into these insecure attachment types.

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“No business can afford to create a product for which there are no buyers. The first step in understanding the sex industry is to understand the customers, the johns.

Real sexual relationships are not hard to find. There are plenty of adults of both sexes who are willing to have sex if someone treats them well, and asks. But there lies the problem. Some people do not want an equal, sharing relationship. They do not want to be nice. They do not want to ask. They like the power involved in buying a human being who can be made to do almost anything.”

-Joe Parker writing in Not For Sale, eds. Christine Stark and Rebecca Whisnant, 2004 Spinifex Press.

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the feminine urge to have a deep rage inside of you that doesn’t go away

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want to fall asleep under the stars(no bugs)

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what are your CHILDHOOD nostalgia songs. like shit ur parents played in the car when u were super young that became an integral part of ur existence

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if i bring a book someplace it doesn't necessarily mean i want to read it mayb i just want to take her own a walk. Get her some fresh air and a change of scenery

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Part of feminism is questioning why we women make the choices we do within the context of the society we live in.

It isn’t infantilizing to question our choices. It’s infantilizing to suggest we can’t handle critical thinking about our choices.

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Lol my brother just played “We Are The Champions” and gloated about how “we won.” You’re a disgusting piece of shit. I hate men so fucking much. This isn’t a fucking game??? This impacts every woman in this country.

EDIT: Aaaaand my other brother is “are you upset? What are you upset about? 😈”

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I don't get how people, especially women, can celebrate a man who had substance abuse issues, texts and emails objectifying and dehumanizing someone he was supposed to love, previous accounts of throwing bottles and showing violent behaviour?? Like am I tripping

Amber Heard had more evidence supporting her claims than most abuse victims have and yet that jury decided she defamed that man. I'm truly angry and disgusted. This has been a major setback for women and abuse victims.

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notice how nobody’s tweeting “let’s finally talk about male victim stats” it’s all “yess finally i can call that stupid fucking slut a cunt and never believe women which i evidently never have before because they’ve been to court thrice but i only believe the verdict against her in the only trial that wasn’t with a sequestered jury!” because it was always about misogyny 🤠 fuck all of you and if i so much as hear a depp defender round the block then square up lmfao