girlyapril1517-blog

[girlyapril1517-blog]

Whatever you accomplish today is enough. Times are hard. Give yourself grace.

[girlyapril1517-blog]

I don't know if anybody has talked to your psychiatrist about this or not...

This is my second new psychiatrist from my insurance on June 17, 2025, at 8:30 am, we were in the introductory phase, and I explained why I need a psychiatrist. I had a talk with my psychiatrist about my antidepressants and their effects on me, which I don't want to take medication, I had really bad experiences with it, and I gave up on it. My psychiatrist keeps telling me to try taking it, repeating it to me. I still don't want to. When it's about to end, my body just shuts down, and I want to stop talking. When I ended the psychiatrist video, I got triggered and I began to cry, which it didn't go as planned. I got some medication, blood work, brain scan, referral, and etc.

I still won't change my mind about taking any medications because I feel like I have tried it before, and it didn't help me at all. The feeling is that I am scared that I will go crazy while taking antidepressant medication.

[girlyapril1517-blog]

Things to Accept:

change.

closure is an inside job.

not everyone will understand you.

where you are, while still reaching for more.

peace costs people sometimes.

you can do it all, just not at once.

the love you deserve (not just the love you’re used to).

[girlyapril1517-blog]

THINGS TO TAKE:

Your time

A nap

A walk

The compliment

Your energy where it’s valued

Deep breaths

Your power back

Your inner child by the hand

Nothing personally

A chance on yourself

It one day at a time

Up space

[girlyapril1517-blog]

Others having it "worse" doesn't do anything to make your pain disappear. Your pain is real and you are allowed to feel it and acknowledge it.

[girlyapril1517-blog]

Apologizing to children when you’re wrong should be a thing. You’re literally teaching your child how to behave in situations as adults just by your actions. Yes you’re their parent. You’re also the one person who they look for when learning how to navigate through life.

[girlyapril1517-blog]

I am not sure, but the beginning of June was really down for me. I will see if it gets better next week! This is just an update so far in June.

June is gonna be the best month of your year so far.

[girlyapril1517-blog]

This is my third post in the Autism community!

This is my update on what I have been going through. I am hoping I can get through this! I hope that I can get an autism assessment. I am hoping it can help some people out there if some people don't really see if you don't have Autism or not have autism. You aren't alone in this. I feel upset and misunderstood by these types of things as well.

[girlyapril1517-blog]

It takes a long time for me to calm down

I was calming down when my mom came home and tell me why I hadn't eaten. I say I am calming down from what we talk about. I get overstimulated, and calming down can get so hard for me. I can get sensitive to my emotions and feelings.

[girlyapril1517-blog]

I am still mad at my mom

Tigger Warning: sister relationship problem, mommy issues

On June 1, 2025, I was playing with my cat and laughing. Guess who told my mom the house is so loud? Oh, it was my her (I really don't like saying she is my sister because I really feel so uncomfortable calling her, but now it's a her). My mom told me that I was too loud and to lower my voice. I am like thinking, how the hell does playing with my cat and laughing is loud, which I would not understand at all. I am now easily irritated and mad at mom. I got a feeling she tell on me to my mom. When she was walking downstairs to eat, I keep on saying she is a bitch and giving her a mean look to a glare look at her. This is payback from when she tell me to shut the fuck up last year during Christmas Day. On that day, I didn't do anything wrong, and I didn't cry that day. She told my mom about what had happened. I got in trouble, and my mom talked to me. I was saying I need to get her back on the day from last year. My mom says she didn't do anything wrong. My perspective is that I am teaching her a lesson that she takes her anger out on me, and now she probably doesn't understand that I am doing the same thing to her. My mom says that she doesn't feel safe when I am about to hit her. I say if I were going to hit her, then I would have already done it. My mom says that the problem is that you want to hit her. I say I was thinking about wanting to hit her, but I stopped myself because I don't really want to do that. I feel like hitting her. She says that's a problem. She told my dad that I make my sister go away from home and into her apartment. My mom and I have an argument fight with each other, and it gets so bad to the point she makes me cry. After that, my mom had a call, and my mom let me know that she was calling her. After that long talk, my mom tried to make me feel guilty for her. My mom says to me she is cold and she doesn't have anywhere to sleep. I just don't care about her.

On June 2, 2025, I had a loud outburst talking in my room. I heard a knock on my door. My cat heard it as well. I asked my mom if she had knocked on my door earlier. She says no to me. She says Why do you always attack me. I say it's not my fault since you are the one who talked to me first. I make her furious at me. My mom and I had a second argument fight with each other. When she came home, I told her to give me the past Mother's Day gifts to me. I can take a picture of it, put it in the trash, and throw it away. She says it's okay. She peeled an orange for me and gave it to me. My thinking is, why is my mom so nice to me? I quickly say no. I had a second loud outburst talking downstairs.

On June 3, which is today. I have a third loud outburst talking in my room. When my mom came home. I asked my mom about the past Mother's Day gifts that I had given to her. She tells me to give her a break, and she will find it for me. And now she tells me she has already thrown it away. Just wow and not surprised.

Right now, I feel I hate being a part of this family, and my family. I have so much anger and resentment towards them. I now plan to move far away from family because I feel sick and tired of them all.

This is my update for June.

[girlyapril1517-blog]

forgive the version of you that didn’t know any better

[girlyapril1517-blog]

May updates:

Tw: hygiene issues, therapy

Since the end of May is coming. Yesterday was my second therapy day with my therapist. She recommended me to see a therapist who specializes in Autism. Therapy ended so fast. I have nothing to say about it. I was talking with my therapist about my hygiene issues that I still don't want to take a shower, even though my therapist says that if I could take a shower, would I take a shower. I say no, I wouldn't take a shower.

It's just very hard for me to take a shower. Why is self-care and hygiene so hard for me????

[girlyapril1517-blog]

Abuse disguised as "punishment" is still abuse. It doesn't matter what you did. It doesn't matter if you threw a tantrum. It doesn't matter if you broke something. It doesn't matter if you screamed and even yelled something mean at your parents/guardians. You never ever deserved to be abused.

[girlyapril1517-blog]

It's okay to cut your abuser out of your life, or go low contact.

It doesn't matter if they apologized, are genuinely remorseful or even weren't aware of what they did. You don't owe them anything, and whatever you feel is okay.

[girlyapril1517-blog]

You do not need to (and should not) give your 100% all the time. That's just how you burn out! Often your best is your 50%, your 20%, your 10%, and that's okay. It's okay to do a shitty job at things if that keeps YOU going.

[girlyapril1517-blog]

You aren't ungrateful just because you're frustrated with your situation. You can feel upset while still being grateful for what you have. Two things can be true at the same time.

[girlyapril1517-blog]

they didn’t do what you wanted ≠ crossing real boundaries necessary for a person’s comfort and well being