glemmerdash-piecesof8 - Tumblr blog

glemmerdash-piecesof8 · 1 year ago

Text

She had found herself fidgety and restless. It was as though she needed to enter a new stage of her life. She had found a book of Roberts about the situationists and it had amazed her because they were speaking about a society of bread and circuses in the 1960’s.

Luke walked in, wet from the rain and kissed her on the cheek anyway. She turned about and slid her hands into his coat.

‘This must come off’ she gently insisted.

Luke smiled. ‘How was your day?’ She unbuttoned him and took his coat off sleeve by sleeve.

‘Interesting. There is wine open. I want to talk. And you?’

‘Strange as usual.’

She smiled. She knew she wouldn’t insist that he dry his hair.

‘Tell me.’

Roo got two glasses out of the cupboard and poured the wine. She passed him one and walked to the lounge and sat down.

‘I don’t want to frighten you.’

Luke laughed,’ Tell me’ ,he said.

Roo nestled into the faded blue couch and sighed.

‘Well you know I am a feminist.’

‘Yes- that’s why you don’t believe in marriage.’

‘Yes.’ she paused. ‘ I had this waking dream but I think I need to give it some context.’

‘Alright.’

‘I read an article about how white feminists don’t worry about real problems and it got me thinking. Then Robert said he was bored with his job and I thought’ what would be a good change for him?’ And, I thought- interesting reality tv.’

‘Really? Is there such a thing?’

‘Well – I thought it must be possible. And I have been learning about the spectacle.’

‘The spectacle?’

‘How media and society works.’

‘Right. I get that. I think he told me . They were mainly French those people?’

‘Yes- that’s what I am talking about. Anyway- you know I am always worried that I can’t satisfy you because your bi-sexual.’

Luke smiled softly. .‘You know I am happy.’

‘But really imagine life could be really interesting. Like an experiment.’

‘You want to try swinging?’ Luke said looking a little confused and then smiling.’ That’s very middle class of you.’ He chuckled quietly.

Roo took a sip of her wine. Her mouth was dry.

‘I have been thinking that I want to do something special with my life. Teaching the little ones is great but it doesn’t really make people think.’

Luke took off his scarf.

‘So not swinging.’

‘No.’

He shrugged.’ Oh right- a reality show. A feminist reality show. An active feminist reality show.’

‘Yes.’

‘But how? What would make it active and feminist?’

‘You know that president with 6 wives?’

‘Yes.’

‘He’s a man.’

‘Yes.’

‘What if it were the other way round?’

Luke was silent.

Roo said cautiously.’ There was a Mormon reality tv show.’

Luke was silent.

Roo sipped her wine. She took a deep breath.

‘It’s an impossible project.’

Luke slowly spun the glass between his palms and looked at the floor.

‘You would get married?’

‘I think so. It would be the spectacle. I had a vision of me in a white dress and then a whole lot of men in suits and then I realised- that is a spectacle.’

Luke laughed. ‘What about the sex?’

‘I have no idea.’

‘You haven’t thought of it?’

‘No. I just was thinking about how it would lead to talk about what’s possible for women.’

‘ 6 husbands ? And you haven’t thought about the sex?’

Luke smiled and then started laughing.

Roo watched him and suddenly had an image of 6 naked men. She smiled.

‘I suppose I would want happy bi-gay couple’s so I didn’t have to spend all my time in bed.’

Luke was staring fondly at her.

‘Yes . I suppose you would have to be sensible.’ He smiled and she smiled back. He took a sip of his wine and then said, ‘Let’s ask Robert if he thinks it will sell. He’s the most uninterested person we know.’

Roo put her glass down.’ I don’t know if I can explain it again so soon.’

Luke put his arm around her and smiled.’ Well its lucky I am a man then.’

Roo looked at him.’ I could maybe tomorrow.’

Luke smiled.’ You know I am joking. I would love to tell him . I think its a really interesting idea. I don’t know how we will do it but we can give it some time. Just tell me one thing. Have you ever been with more than one man, or have you at least fantasied about it?

Roo looked thoughtful.’ I don’t know.’ she said.’ Possibly in a dream but I don’t remember at all. I am probably still repressed.’

Luke kissed her head. ‘ A spectacle indeed.’

‘Robert’s books are interesting and strange’ she said.

‘Yes indeed. Whoever would have thought.’

‘Would you mind being part of an experiment?’

‘No, I don’t think so. I love my job but it would be interesting to do something else too.’

They fell into silence and then Luke laughed. ‘We’ll do it together.’

‘Yes,’ Roo quickly said.’ I would be scared to do it without you.’

The front door closed.

‘There’s Robert,’ Luke said.’ Let me go talk to him.’

Roo stretched.’ I’ll finish dinner then. It will be ready in 10 minutes or so. I just need to do the pasta.’

Luke smiled, ’Your something else.’

Roo grinned,’ Your something else too.’

Roo had just bought the water to the boil when Robert and Luke came into the kitchen. Robert stood looking at her and started imagining how she would look on camera. She turned around hesitantly and poured the water from the kettle into the pot.

Robert was looking at her. She was so feminine and harmless looking. Just like some of the worst politicians he thought and then looked at her again. She was talking.

‘- Its crazy. Yes, I know it’s crazy but I want to make a statement with my life. I haven’t thought enough about it ,but it does have shock factor.’

She poured the spaghetti into the pot.

Robert shook his head.

‘Do you have any idea of how much you will have to organise. We will have to make a distribution company and get funding and then you have to find the people.’

Roo was watching the spaghetti melt slowly, itching to stir it.

‘But, it’s a spectacle? She asked, looking at Robert.

Luke looked at Robert too.

Robert threw his hands in the air.

‘Yes it’s a spectacle.’ His hands dropped and he smiled.’ But what do you want to say?’ His brow creased.

‘That its possible for it to be the other way around.’

Luke added,’ And we could all be happy having it the other way around.’

Roo nodded, spoon in hand.

Robert looked at both of them and shook his head. ‘Think bigger!’ His hands were in the air again.’ You would all be celebrities. You could impact the very culture we live in. You could do interesting projects and be creative. It would sell and you could teach people how to live in this tragic world of nukes, wars and climate change. No children unless you adopt. Everyone of the husbands would need a vasectomy. Have a garden and grow food not roses.’

Luke looked sad,’ But I like roses.’

Roo piped up. ‘Yes- what about bread and roses.’

Robert shook his head. ‘Maybe on the walls but we import so much food when we could grow it ourselves. We need everyone to have food gardens like in World War 2 and even more. There are so many of us now.’

Roo remembered the pasta and began to stir, the olive oil forming tiny circles on the surface of the water.

‘So you want us to do propaganda?’ She said quietly.

Robert laughed, ‘You would already be doing propaganda.’ He paused. ‘ Don’t you see- you could show people how to live. You could advertise good products- ethical products. You could build and fix things. You could teach people how to cook, how to garden , how to create. I am sure we can find some interesting people to take part.’

Roo looked at the clock. Luke sighed.

‘So it wouldn’t just be about the sex.’

Robert shook his head.

‘No, it needs to be a family show.’

Luke stood up straight and smiled.

‘Well that does make it more interesting. We would have some privacy’

Roo stirred the pasta. She mused, ‘Do you think we will still be able to keep our jobs?’

Robert smiled, ‘Sure, I would suggest we shot the first 3 months in secret. It would take a while to work out where you could get married anyway.’

‘Won’t it be expensive? Luke said.

‘Not if you live in a squat or as property guardians. We can try get a 5 year agreement on a big building.’

Roo looked at the clock again.

‘So you think it’s possible?’

Robert nodded enthusiastically, his dark brown fringe bouncing.

‘It will take a lot of meetings, and you will need to get good people but I know about getting loans for these kind of things from the documentaries I have worked on. I would like to be part of the production company with the 7 of you.’

‘There’s only two of us at the moment.’

‘For now’, Robert smiled.’ Would you be happy with that?’

Roo nodded and so did Luke. Roo looked at the clock again and then said,’ You were part of the plan all along.’

They sat down to eat. It was quiet except for the sounds of cutlery and chewing. Roo felt strange. She wanted to cry and she was struggling to swallow her food.

Luke looked at her and saw how she looked shaky. He reached across the table and took her hand.

‘I need to think about it,’ she said.

‘We can take as long as you need.’ Luke said reassuringly.

Robert fidgeted and put down his fork.

‘Luke’s right, we can take our time but I will need you to tell me when you’re ready so I can start setting things up.’

Roo nodded and gripped Luke’s hand tighter.

‘We’ll get hate mail,’ she said softly,’ and I could lose my job.’

There was silence for a while. No-one was eating anymore.

Luke got up and went to stand behind Roo, stroking her hair.

‘What about we listen to some Mingus and see what he has to say?’ he said.

Roo leaned back and smiled.’ That would be good,’ she said.

Luke walked to the record player and started flicking through vinyls. He only had about fifty, but the Mingus was there. He found it and turned the turntable on, and then gently placed the record on, softly dropping the needle before pressing play.

The sound started to build and Roo started playing with her food again, taking small bites and chewing thoroughly. The music filled the flat and as she worked her way slowly through the meal she started to feel more clear.

They all sat listening and when the side finished Roo went to the kitchen for a glass of water. She sat at the kitchen table and felt the glass between her teeth. Luke had turned the record over and had started shuffling around. She smiled and then looked down and saw the headline,' War on Terror continues’. She could feel the anger in the music and started to think about all the people in prison, all the starving children across the world, all the trees getting chopped down and dams getting built. She thought of birds eating plastic and victims of mines and she gripped the glass, eventually bringing it to her forehead. She thought of the rapes, the orphans, neutron bombs and the rangy foxes she saw when waiting for Luke to come home. Then she looked up and saw Luke shuffling along to the music and her heart hurt for a second before she put the water glass down softly. She started drinking it before looking out of the window to see the rain falling. She got up and washed the glass and then ran her hand over the countertop, eventually leaning against it watching Luke. Robert got up and started shuffling along too. She looked out the window and thought about the fox she saw the night before. He just lived. He didn’t worry about a pension. She walked up behind Luke and put her arms around him and then whispered in his ear,’ I am ready! Let’s be brave!’ He twisted round, put his hand on her cheek, before kissing her properly on the mouth. He put a strand of her hair gently behind her right ear and then shouted, ’Robert- we’re in business!’ They all smiled and then hugged before they started dancing.

The classroom was quiet. Roo sat at her desk and breathed a little. The kids had been on fire today. She had been talking about cheetahs and they had all ogled the pictures of cheetahs and she had heard a few gasps when she played them the video.

It was difficult to know if there would be fallout, but she had really wanted to share the clip she had found with them. She wasn’t sure how many of the kids were brought up vegetarian, though she knew of a fair number, or whose parents were against violence. She shook her head. They all should know by now how things worked in the wild. The world wasn’t supposed to be wrapped in plastic.

She got up and started tidying the chairs. They hadn’t done any painting today so things were pretty tidy. When she was done she found herself staring out of the window, looking at the single oak tree in the playground. She realised it was supposed to be in a forest and she sighed, running her hand over her forehead. She didn’t have to cook tonight but there was shopping to get. It was still raining and Roo wondered if she would ever stop getting the bus and get a car. Buses could be so busy and she didn’t get that much time to herself anymore.

She’d have a bath. It was a good idea. She imagined lying still in the bath and the feel of her hands over her body as she washed herself. Everything was that much more sensual in the bath. And there were clean sheets! She thought about climbing into bed and feeling the cotton envelop her.

She imagined taking Luke in her mouth and feeling him pulse inside of her. She was smiling now and twirling her hair. Yes, he was a good lover and they would be fine if the experiment went ahead. She knew whatever happened they would make time for each other.

The rain was still falling softly. She wondered where the birds hid in the rain and what they ate when it snowed. She would have to look into that. The kids would find that interesting. They were still so interested in life it sometimes took her breath away.

There was nothing left to do so she found her coat and carefully did up the buttons. She hated it when they came off. The needle never seemed thick enough to get through the material neatly.

The cold air hit her in the face as she left the building. It made her laugh -a little giddy. It was always exhilarating to be finished with work and going home to people she loved.

She remembered the years of just making herself work and coming home alone to a flat she didn’t even like, and flatmates she found boring. She had still cared about them though. That seemed to happen with people you spend a lot of time with. Except her parents and other fundamentalists. All they were interested in was proving they were right.

She remembered feeling trapped. It had seemed like there was nothing original she could do with her life except dying her hair. Everyone ultimately seemed to believe they could consume their way too happiness. She thought of a girl she had known called Stacy, who had always been running off to Africa to work in orphanages and being amazed that Stacy had had the courage to do things like that.

She knew what Stacy had felt now. She felt like she had an unknown strength to do the experiment. It was as though she could suddenly see through all the fear and insecurity and laugh at it. There was too much suffering in this world to be afraid as well.

The bus arrived and she climbed on, smiling at the driver and getting a little nod in return. She lived for little interactions of humanity and the city. She knew she wouldn’t have the tenacity to keep smiling and chatting if she didn’t teach and didn’t have Luke. He had helped her to engage a little more with her environment over the last year. She had first realised she was disconnected when she visited a small town for training, and she had been completely floored when the stranger had sincerely said ‘good morning’ to her. It had made her feel so uncomfortable, and she hadn’t understood why.

She had wrestled with it for a few years and then met Luke, who engaged with nearly everyone he met. She remembered asking him why he didn’t get tired of being so friendly. He had laughed and said yes, when he was tired, he just wasn’t but that other people could bring it out. So, she had tried it. She has started with shop assistants and tried to not just demand things of them, and now when she went into her local shops, they were glad to see her, and it felt good.

There were two ladies on the bus. They were talking about movie clubs from when they were younger. She started listening intently. They were talking about singing songs now and Roo thought about how much things change. She couldn’t setup movie clubs for kids necessarily, but she could do the experiment and use it to launch ideas.

They passed the station she had used to use before she lived with Luke. She remembered watching the people on the train with headphones on. They had become less interesting to watch as they all seem to be on their phones these days. The young and old seemed to be the only people not in the thrall of technology. Now she didn’t even use the headphones, she just daydreamed. She had noticed that now sometimes when a man got on the bus she would feel a very slight tug she supposed that must be how it was for men if they really did think about sex the whole time.

Last night Luke had been teasing her about her fantasy life. He seemed to think it was healthy for her to imagine being ravished by strangers. She had felt quite self-conscious when she said that didn’t really happen to her and his response was that wasn’t it a good thing that she would be regularly ravished in future then.

She smiled to herself. Yes, it would probably be fun, more fun than looking forward to a bath, though she would probably still love baths. There was something so decadent about using so much water when in other parts of the world the just wasn’t possible. She yawned and checked phone. There was a message from Robert “do you mind if I look for places near central London?” She replied ‘no’. He was quite serious about this. He didn’t have the most fulfilling job so did sort of make sense.

Her eyes wanted to close but her stop was just seconds away now. She would try launch kids’ movies clubs if the experiment happened. It was good to sing. She wondered if she would still be able to go to the a cappella group on Thursdays. They would actually be enough of them to have their own a cappella group- she couldn’t imagine that quite. So many mysteries ahead.

She was home and it had stopped raining. She would have tea and that bath and try developing her fantasy life. She would just have to see how that went. Tomorrow she would drink cocktails with her friends but till then she was on her own for a few hours. It didn’t disjoint her any more to relax. She had realised it was important as being busy the whole time was a symptom of modern life. The only thing she was missing was a cat to stroke. Maybe they would find a stray one-day.

Robert was feeling wired but also quite depressed. He had spent most of his spare time that day getting in touch with old friends who used to squat. It seemed all of them were not squatting any more except for Ian who was living in a squat in Liverpool with an 18-year-old girlfriend. Ian had gone on about how hard it was getting more difficult to squat because of the growth in property guardians. He hadn’t been able to stop himself and had told Ian about the experiment. Ian had laughed and said it would be good for him not to do a bullshit job for change. That’s why he knew he could tell Ian, he wouldn’t be scandalised in the least.

They had talked about the power it could have and Ian had agreed to be a consultant for interesting content. Ian made lists of things and could make instruments out of pretty much anything. He would think of interesting TV friendly things to do- though he said- it doesn’t get much better than potato prints. He just knew how to take everything with a pinch of salt.

He had also given him the contact of Curtis who he said would know what buildings could be used in central London. Curtis was more of the European school where you fixed where you stayed, or at least looked after it, and that was the kind of thing they needed. Cheap but legal.

He had set up a meeting with Curtis for next Saturday in the hope Luke and Roo would be able to come. He had to admit to himself that it was a little confusing to him being so interested in something that had to do so much with sex. It was as though he was turned on by the idea of the chaos of it all.

Maybe it was time we started thinking about the past and working through it. Maybe it was time to see a psychoanalyst or therapist to talk about his feelings. He was going to turn 40 next year and Ian was right, he had just been doing bullshit jobs lately.

He could afford to have some kind of therapy because he was always saving money. He didn’t know why he was always saving money because he didn’t have a family to support and found going on holidays bourgeois. He had done enough travelling when he was filming war correspondence and that had always been excruciating travelling.

That wasn’t really a bullshit job, but a lot of that work had dried up. It was also really frustrating work to do because it always got framed in a certain way which didn’t blame big business or the general warmongering mentality of the elites. He remembered being stuck in Beirut in a follow-up documentary and just noticing how brittle the people were. War was exhausting, it made nihilists of everyone including the generals. He had wanted to visit cedar forests when he was there but found out they had mainly been chopped down years before. So much for myths.

Now he just did a soul deadening job of filming anchors most days and would do documentaries which never really got any circulation in his holidays. He started crossing the road and heard someone shout at him before realising a motorbike was on a collision course with him.

He dodged and the bike soon passed. He felt embarrassed and carried on crossing the road, looking back at the people who had shouted with a sheepish apologetic grin. He needed to wake up and stop running. His life wasn’t hollow quite, but he definitely felt disposable. The wind was changing direction though. There was a lot of potential with the experiment, but he should really see a therapist.

He crossed the road, carefully this time, and realised he would have to find a therapist that was based in reality. He couldn’t abide all this woo-woo talk about symbolism and self-fulfilment while the planet burned. He also needed some assistance. Maybe one of those eco therapists was the best bet. He would be able to talk about his feelings if he was surrounded by trees and not in a stark contemporary consulting room. It was time. Now for dinner.

Luke was feeling exhausted. It was a familiar feeling as the rota was always done in a way which left you clinging onto the wire with every fibre of your body. He would have a few days off now to recover and get back into a normal sleeping pattern, but he knew that there was something about all the stresses of being a paramedic which was making him feel more like a prototype bionic man then a human.

He had always wanted to work in war zones and had for a few years. That was where he had met Robert. He had spoken French, so he had been in the chaos of Haiti as well and watch with the fathomless silence as the women made cakes of mud to eat and sell.

He also could speak Arabic so he had also done a few stints in those areas. When he reached this point in the Rota, it always came flooding back to him, all the hopelessness of the undeveloped world. It was as though there real life was happening all the time, and here, in the postcolonial bubble of wealth, people had to pretend to live their lives. It never stopped, the swirling of aspirant celebrity in graded friendships, while food is left to rot.

He wanted to prop his eyes open matchsticks, as no matter how strong the coffee was, it couldn’t keep him awake after covering shifts because they weren’t allowed to hire agency staff anymore because of the cuts. There was a text message on his phone. ‘Hello love kiss on the cheek. There is stew for you when you finished. Robert is getting really serious about the experiment and wants us to meet this person. The bed is too big without you :-) XOXO’

Luke felt the tingle of love run down his spine and surge to his fingertips. He was missing her too and if she was messaging it meant that a shift must be almost done and yes it was a really after 11 and he was going home at one today because of health and safety regulations.

A few days of just resting would be wonderful. He wondered who this person was that Robert had ferreted out. He knew the show would probably get censored in some form, but he knew Roo would take the cameras to Haiti and show how much care was taken to make biscuits or cakes or whatever you want to call them from mud.

He also knew she could be shy and that would work on camera. He ran his hand over his jaw and realise he didn’t really care if he worked on camera. Roo didn’t mind when he got stubble. She had even said was that she would like to know what it would be like to be pleasured by him with a beard.

He smiled to himself. “The missus is all right then is she Luke?” Ronnie said.

“Yes she’s all right thanks. You poor sods have the whole night to still get through.”

“Some of us poor sods know how to say no to extra shifts though mate”

“True, true- I never was very good at learning how to say no to the boss”

“Aye, and you have a las you daren’t lose”

Ronnie nodded seriously after Joe said that.

“Don’t you worry lads! We have a plan cooking and then hopefully I can just work part-time.”

“If you say so, if you say so.”

0 notes

glemmerdash-piecesof8 · 1 year ago

Text

Roo woke up early the next morning and traced her fingers over Luke’s collapsed form. Except for the day when she had told them about the experiment he had been so exhausted and busy they had barely had any time for each other. She realised she was being self-indulgent though, as he needed sleep more than he needed to please her. So she just gave him a kiss gently on the lips, and she knew he really was deeply asleep because he didn’t even smile.

She went and sat in the bathroom and stared into her eyes. She looked at all the problems on her face, her eyebrows not matching, the way her teeth sloped a little, all the freckles, and, and, and. You are supposed to be a woman now she told herself and know that it shouldn’t matter what you look like. She imagined sitting and getting her make-up done so she could look presentable and it made her judder. No, she wouldn’t do that. She would just have to cultivate some nonattachment to her image.

Should she try make a statement about the objectification of women? She had had their hair on her legs removed by laser when she was younger so she couldn’t make a statement there-Roo started to smile, realising she could tattoo on hair for an episode if they ever ran out of ideas.

She was smiling now as she realised the experiment really could be mainly a game of trying to talk about important things lightly. She went to the kitchen to make some coffee and found herself writing the advert on the back of an envelope.

Bisexual men able to commit for at least the medium term wanted for real-life experiment. Couples welcome.

She would leave that where Robert would see it. Luke would give an opinion if he got up in time. She remembered to look at the clock and took a deep breath. She would have to start rushing now if she wanted to get the less full bus.

Something like telepathy

A few days later and in Roo’s old part of the city, Shane was dragging equipment into his flat. For some reason, his flat was the only place the band could practice, so everything was stored there even though all he needed was a mike and a tambourine for when he felt lyrical.

He was lucky to have inherited a proper house from his aunt, which he let out and had saved some of that money for the deposit on this. The ceilings were scandalously high and the rooms had good proportions. But there was no guest room or room for a kid and while that had not been on his radar when he bought it he was thinking that was a pity now.

It had been two months of straight touring and he hadn’t got a cough or anything. It must be all those supplements I am taking his thought and being OCD about what I eat. Not getting shit faced also seem to help and it made the girls easier to remember.

He felt a little hollow about that as he locked the door behind him and went to find a couch to collapse on. It was great making music for a living, but things were not nearly as wild as everyone thought. Twice this tour when he had actually wound up at a girl’s house, it had led to nothing except tears and stories of how their lives were so empty. It had been a bit surreal stroking their heads and listening to broken English- stories which he knew were true everywhere. It was strange that he felt closer to the two girls that had cried then any of the others.

It was starting to feel even more hollow now than it used to. It was still interesting, not being sure, not knowing, being wanted, but he didn’t have someone who could come home from work and complain about her boss.

He suddenly saw a flash of strawberry blonde hair in the corner of his mind. What was her name? He had met her at the gym when the band was on hiatus because Benny the drummer had discovered TM and now couldn’t bring himself to make cacophony for a living anymore. Mark joined the band then and their sound had become much more interesting.

Oh, what was her name? She was a primary school teacher in the other borough. He remembered which school. He hoped she still worked there. He remembered breaking things off because she had insisted that they had an open relationship when she realised he was a musician. Silly boy. She was right that would have been the sensible thing to do but he didn’t want her lips on anyone else.

Roo. That was it. He was ready to try and open relationship now but a good few years had passed so she might be married already or popping out kids of her own.

He would get some sleep and go visit her on monday. Hopefully it wasn’t in school holidays otherwise he had no idea how to find her because her flat mates had always been awful.

He could write a song about the crying girls but he knew he could actually give his heart to Roo.

Robert was standing behind camera as usual, listening to the anchor say a lot of words after each other which didn’t really say anything about the reality of what she was saying. He liked this anchor, she would very dutifully get stony faced whenever anybody had died, or there was an accident or hurricane, or anything to do with the wars.

He had asked her about it. Sasha was the name. She had said that she had once watched a girl smile through a report on an Afghan hospital being bombed, and it had made her so sick she had actually thrown up. So now she tried to have a stony face, but, she had told Robert, saying so little about any real suffering was wearing her down.

He concentrated again on the camera and it was now time for the weather. Another show nearly done and dusted. He was going to get drunk tonight with Sasha. They would drink overpriced cocktails that were admittedly made with a fair measure of skill and he would tell her about the experiment.

Why? Why would he tell her about the experiment. He had been doing some research on the person they were supposed to meet next week and for the squatting legally options and it seemed as though he was working for some sort of corporation. That had made Robert sceptical. If it was a housing association it would be all right, but a corporation sounded like some kind of indentured slavery deal was on the cards.

Sasha would know. “Cut thanks everybody.Sash? Cocktails?” She did that adorable thing where she blinked really fast and made you wonder if her eyelashes were trying to shake off the mascara on them.

“Sure hun, let me just tell Tom. He can join us later” Robert nodded. Tom was the sensible dashing boyfriend who was the managing director of a smoothie company. Sash went off to shower and reapply make up and Robert found himself alone in the corridor with the boss.

She looked a little confused and then said “great show – see you on Monday” and clicked off. It made him realise her job was probably even more boring than his. He would get a cup of coffee and see if he had any cream left in the staff fridge. It was strange how once you’d had coffee with cream, it made you like a cat and want only the best afterwards. He had gotten management to start using organic milk but he still bought his own cream for some energy and also needed to feel pampered.

He shook his head. His life had become really so narrow. But he just couldn’t do war journalism any more. The nightmares were still impossible to deal with but when you woke up from a nightmare into a nightmare and started to want to eat glass or poison just so you could reach the end of suffering.

Sash came out looking radiant, and Robert just stood there wondering for the first time if he actually wanted to be able to be turned on by her. It was a strange but yes she was talking-

“can I be a cat with you to Robert?”

“Sure, this is the best coffee to have it with”

“Whatever you say” she said laughing, sipping slowly, and licking her bare lips ,still stained from earlier.

And Robert just started talking. He talked about the nightmares and the war zones and how he felt like a part of the establishment. And when they had finished their coffee they had got a cab and she had started talking about how she felt trapped in a bubble that could pop at any time but was too afraid to leave.

At the cocktail bar, they hid upstairs in the corner away from the speakers and Robert started telling her about the experiment and how they needed a base. She had looked distressed for a while and then, “are you serious about this Robert?”

“Yes”

“you know you will need to set up an international distribution company”

“yes”

“and how do you want me to help? I’m quite happy with just Tom.”

“You don’t need to worry about that. No Roo wants to do it. I’m just wondering if you can think of very cheap locations we can use so we can keep our costs down.”

“You need a legal squat?”

“Yes, but the only person I found works for a corporation so I’m sceptical.”

‘’Thank you for trusting me with this Robert but I just don’t know how to help as yet, unless, yes – we could just complain about the boss for the rest of the evening and I will get back to you on Monday at work? Tom is coming now and he will be over helpful if we keep talking about. I don’t really think it’s a case of needing to talk to suppliers at this stage.”

Robert laughed “all right. Any feedback you have will be great though.”

And when Tom did arrive they were both dancing to deep house, even though it was still before midnight.

Luke hated calls like this one. They arrived at the same time as the police and found the door locked as reported. The neighbour who had rung peered at them through the chain on the door. “Haven’t seen her for at least two weeks and her cat has kept coming around for food. I know she is not away because she would have asked me to feed Millie, but no one’s got keys to her flat.”

The police nodded and Luke and George stood carrying all their life-saving equipment feeling foolish when they both knew it was more appropriate to feel sad. Old people die very often if you’re a paramedic, and often they are alone, without even a pet, just living out each day of their retirement.

The policeman had fetched a crowbar and Hank was now trying to pry the door open. George looked on as the door eventually popped open and just whispered to Luke “can you just do it without me?”

Luke turned around and looked at him intently. “Did you know her?”

“No it’s just the stiffs, I don’t mind the blood or bones or anything, but I just can’t handle another stiff today. You know we could both just wait here until the police come out and we will just avoid walking through a dead person’s things.”

“One of us has to still declare her dead though George.”

“Right, right that’s true.”

“Have you been seeing your supervisor?”

“Yes, yes, but he just keeps saying its part of the job. I don’t think I can afford to retrain.”

“Your a good paramedic mate. When did you last have a holiday?”

“It will be...two years ago now. I have just worked through my leave and taken off a few days to spend with the kids.”

“Oi, you two, are you coming in?” Hank bellowed.

“I’ll do it George, but we are finishing this conversation today.”

George just nodded and put down the defibrillator. Hank led Luke to where the other police officer was waiting, in the old lady’s sitting room. She looked like she was asleep, but Luke could smell that strange smell of a slowly decomposing body.

He took her pulse, her skin waxy and then checked her eyes. Yes she really was dead. “You want me to do the paperwork Hank? Maybe the neighbour knows about the undertaker.”

Hank nodded and Luke started opening his folder to find the right form. He looked around the room and realised it was really quite immaculate, except for dust that had settled over the last two weeks. He wondered if her death would make it to the paper- probably not. They didn’t seem to be any showy things from her past to see. No pictures of children either.

He thought of George waiting outside, overwhelmed by the idea of writing down things about someone now referred to as a deceased. He realised whatever happened with the experiment, he would still do this job, because as exhausting as it was, it made him feel truly useful.

It was Friday night, and unlike Luke and others that worked the weekend, that meant that Roo could really unwind in preparation of the meeting. She had started by putting the heating on when she got home and she had just been sitting in the lounge since then, lapping up the lack of demands.

She had got up twice to make some herbal tea, nettle and rosehip respectively, and she felt ready to do some of that self-care the American people always went on about. First, food. Robert had texted that he didn’t need dinner and Luke liked to go to the chippy on Friday.

So, she could get Chinese! All right, calm down, just ring them up and remind them that you want chopsticks. She sat with the menu and ordered duck, pork, vegetables, soup, beef, and some chow mein. Then they asked about desert and she thought she might as well. It would be good to have some snacks in the fridge for everyone.

40 minutes. Just time for a bath. She started running the water and went to find some candles and the timer from the kitchen to get her out of the bath in time for food. There you go. Time to unpeel, earrings, make-up, jumper, shirt, vest, bra, shoes, skirt, stockings, knickers. In the bath now. Going under, shampoo, lather, breathe out. Got the detachable showerhead to get rid of the suds.Oh, it’s so good to do nothing for a while. Nipples erect,oh body, I never have any time for you. Toes stretching, water sloshing BUZZZZZZZZZZ. Deep sigh. Should have run the bath before calling but it’s all right to climb out, being drip dripping. Clean towel, so glad am up to speed with the laundry. Tussle hair gently, too relaxed to dry it. Dressing gown,slippers. Put a light on and some Billie. While I wait I can clean the bath, very slowly.Doorbell “Miss Roo Enders?” Tip ready. Big smile. Big smile back. They remembered the chopsticks.

Shane woke up on Saturday morning to water being poured on his face. It was a bit annoying but it probably meant they had a show booked. Eyes open. Christ it was Steve, his older brother. He should have never told him that water in the face actually did wake up without tipping him onto the floor.

“We’ve got to get to go to the hospital. I let you sleep but gran really is touch and go.”

“Gran Nelly?”

“Yeah. Something about her liver.”

“Her liver?”

“Yeah, something important about her liver.”

“Hepatitis?”

“No, don’t think so. Cancer or something.”

“Why didn’t you text me?”

“Didn’t think was right to pay more than 5p for a text.”

“Emailed?”

“You only check every few days and Ma said we don’t want you associating bad news with touring.”

“But I can associate finishing a tour with bad news? ”

“Had to be some time innit.”

“Fucking hell.”

“Visiting hours are in exactly 40 minutes from now so we better go catch that bus.”

“I haven’t eaten.”

“I have snacks.”

“I need a shower.”

“Why do you think I poured water on you? Hurry up.”

“Alright, but can you go get me a proper coffee from round the corner so long?”

“Have already. What’s been in my other hand this whole time getting cold.”

“Right.”

“But that’s for me now. You shower and will get you another, bringing you to consciousness as a right palaver.”

“Just down that coffee mate. I want a shitty English croissant.”

“Good to know you’re awake princess.”

And the rest of the weekend was consumed by family, but Shane’s mind did wander and every time he said to himself – must remember to see Roo.

Robert’s weekend had been strange so far. After his night with Sasha and her man, he had gobbled Chinese food from the fridge and fallen asleep on the sofa.

Roo had shown him the advert she had written which he had kept ignoring for some reason. He realised he had been completely preoccupied and was time to let things percolate a little. So he challenged Roo to cards and pizza and wine. It was cold so they decide to make a fire to let things flicker a little and then Robert found some Italian music to play and they started to play cards, not once mentioning how glad both of them were they had gotten rid of the TV.

The TV had been impossible. Roo had lasted a month of that and then said she would have to move out of the TV stayed. They had both been very confused because all they used the TV for was the news channels, so they could tell what was happening in the world by piecing together something like the truth from analysis of all the different news channels.

Roo had told them it made more sense to read one good opinion piece a day then two or three hours of horror stories or stories about the local dog show which always seemed to creep in. They had insisted that if you wanted the latest news you need a television and then Luke had remembered September 11, 2001.

Luke has said how he had one watched the news for hours that day and learned pretty much nothing except to be in shock and be angry and appalled, unlike normal war reporting. Roo agreed, she said she had also been put into a daze by that reporting. It wasn’t Hiroshima but it was treated with the same awe as if it had been, and Roo said it made her really wonder about news as a medium on TV.

That had really got under Robert skin because he was already incredibly unhappy being a cameraman for the accepted news channel. But it had got him started on bread and circuses and the situationists and that had led to the experiment eventually.

And now instead of watching fly speckled orphans on TV in numb horror, they were playing cards and living. Robert still streamed a fair amount of news on his laptop in the mornings, but it was more out of habit than anything else.

They worked their way through two bottles of wine and were starting the third when Luke came in. Roo helped him get out of his jacket and boots and then he just clung to her. Tears starting to fall into her hair. “What happened love?”

“I was in an accident. My supervisor has suspended me for a week because he says that’s the only way I’ll actually rest. I don’t know what I have been doing to myself. It’s not as though we need the money but I keep wanting to save the Trust money by making it possible to not hire agency staff. Oh Roo.”

“There’s food for you, I can just warm it up. Do you want some wine?”

Roo and Luke were whispering to each other and Robert felt for the first time like a voyeur and made him blush so he started staring at his shoes.

“I would like some pizza in bed with you. I never get to actually sleep with you at the same time it feels like. Roo!” Luke nearly whimpered.

“Why don’t you have a bath?” Roo said.

“I’m hungry though.”

“Sit by the fire wait two minutes and take over my hand and wine glass. We can eat tiramisu with Robert and then I’ll read to you in the bath.”

“All right. The fire is nice.”

“I love you Mr Suspended, rest now.”

And so he collapsed onto the sofa before hauling himself up, patting Robert’s shoulder and saying, “so whose turn is it?”

Luke woke up to an empty bed the next morning. It sounded like Roo had her cleaning music on, so he better stay out of the way for a while. He looked at the clock and realised he had slept 11 hours without even waking up to piss. Christ, he really did need to be suspended.

The muffled music stopped and Roo opened the door quietly and then beamed at him. “You’re awake! You have to give me your supervisor’s number so I can tell him you have slept for 11 hours and 13 minutes.”

“I’ve been awake longer than three minutes.”

“I know, I just made up the 13 minute part.”

“You really want to phone him?”

“Yes I have to thank him for being a good manager. They are rare.”

“You really are my woman now aren’t you?”

“Of course I am. That’s why the experiment is possible – I know it will make our lives more interesting.”

“It will be nice to work less shifts”

“and I want to adopt some children from Syria so I need some kind of income.”

“You mean you’ll stop teaching?”

“I don’t think they’ll let me teach to be honest. I want to be researching content the whole time and looking after the kids. You don’t mind do you? You said before you thought it was a good idea.”

“Sure, we just need a good place to stay.”

“Robert is working on that. I also remember how to squat but I don’t think a normal squat is a good idea because we can get evicted and that would stress the kids out.”

“I forgot you were squatter-when you ran away from home right?”

“Yes, I don’t think it was ideal but it worked until I could actually study. I can’t believe I just enrolled in a school for my A-levels by myself. I made up a story about my parents being disabled. I forgot about that.”

“You have been cleaning?”

“Yes, just a quick blitz. You want some coffee? I have some muffins in the oven that should be nearly ready. I’ve had enough of takeaways for a while.”

“Let me just go to the loo and have a shave, and then I would love some coffee and a muffin.”

“Alright.” She kissed him quickly on the lips and then bounded off. Luke found his dressing gown and realised he was still bemused by her.

That evening they had a proper roast dinner. All three of them sat around the table and talked about work and how they couldn’t wait for summer. They kept talking on automatic until Roo burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny love?”

“We are just doing chitchat as if the experiment just isn’t important enough to talk about.”

Luke grinned. “We are aren’t we.”

Robert shook his head. “There’s nothing to report yet.”

“So we can just carry on being normal people for a while.” Luke said and then added, “even though we will always actually be normal people.”

Roo nodded and then kissed Luke’s knuckles which lay on the table next to the carrots.

“Well you really do your impromptu kissing on TV?” Robert asked.

“I don’t see why not.” Roo replied a little put out.

“It’s so cute” Luke said.

“Hmph.” Roo was getting very self-conscious.

Robert smiled and said “Let’s return to some harmless chitchat mates.”

And Roo looked up and realised she really would have to get filmed being wound up and then looked at Robert and he just smiled and nodded “there’s nothing wrong with being cute love.”

So Roo decided perhaps she should have some brussel sprouts after all.

Shane woke up jittery early on Monday morning. He lay there wondering what his body was nervous about and then he remembered-Roo! Today was the day. He would find her and find out what was happening with her. Then he suddenly remembered kissing her in the park one-day, when he was hot from the sun and they had both been sweating lightly –oh right – he remembered being told off for saying women sweated by a chiselled amazon at the gym. “Darling! Women perspire. Only men, animals and children sweat” she’d said.

Well Roo had been lightly perspiring and it felt good to kiss her and feel a different sort of mingling. He knew he would have to jerk off before he saw her just so he would at least trick himself into thinking he was relaxed. But he would need to be in the shower for that. He only knew how to touch himself in bed when he wasn’t sober and that wasn’t really an option today. Quite the opposite in fact, he needed to do some serious detoxing and get back in the gym before he started to lose all his definition.

But a proper coffee wouldn’t hurt. Pity they are only open at 8:30 and it was seven now. Shane grinned to himself- no way was he going to challenge himself to shower for an hour. He would get all wrinkly. What the hell would he do until it was time to see Roo? He needed a plan – he was too jittery to try sleep again. He couldn’t visit his gran until the afternoon so that was out. He could call his pupils but he couldn’t do that till nine. He could do some laundry and go to the gym, have a proper breakfast somewhere and then read the paper to see if anything interesting had happened in six weeks. Oh right – there were email to read and reply, so the best time to quote unquote pleasure himself was to have a second shower after 12 some time. Well he could handle that as a day, just had to keep distracted until it was time.

Shane was blaring Cream really loud when he eventually had his second shower after being extremely sensible and practical the whole day. He had even squeezed in a trip to the bank in the rain to make his statements paperless, even though he actually liked having to read what he wasted his money on each month.

Now he stood brushing his teeth again and trying to make himself take the hairdryer, which belong to a rather difficult ex, out of the drawer and actually use it. He hated hair drying. It felt so fad-y. Like something humanity would eventually grow out of. But it was cold outside and he wanted to use a hat he thought he looked rather fetching in and didn’t want the material to warp just because he was convinced hairdryers were not appropriate technology.

He listened to the zerrrrrr, of the hairdryer for a while but was frowning the whole time he used it. Eventually his hair was dry enough to not be wet any more and he start getting dressed, amusing himself by how much thought he was putting into it. He really must have enjoyed being with Roo, and he realised it had been true love but he was too possessive to have noticed it.

Now he considered wearing a tie but he realised that was too far, he didn’t want to look like an undertaker did he? So he ended up wearing the same as usual, with the big flapping coat to make whatever he was actually wearing pretty meaningless.

The record finished and Shane realised he really was feeling like a teenager so he found something more adult to play while he waited for his hair to dry. He texted his brother to say he’d visit Gran later and then he just half sat, half lay, on the futon and let the music muffle his thoughts.

He imagined falling asleep and missing her and doing the same thing all over again tomorrow, so he hauled himself up, found all the things he needed including headphones – which the guys in the band were always nicking – turned the music off and after bundling up left to go have another coffee.

90 minutes later he stood outside of Roo’s school trying to press the buzzer while holding another two, all right but not quite the best, coffees. There were parents clumping around and one of them eventually pressed the buzzer for him. Then he had to negotiate the door and remember how to get to Roo’s classroom, suddenly realising she might not be Miss R. Enders anymore and at the same time dodging very small people and their parents.

There it was’ Miss R. Enders’. Well that’s a good start and then there she was, opening the door and then going down on her haunches to say goodbye to one of the little people. She looked ace, the skirt she was wearing folded around her just so, completely natural and more pretty then she had dressed with him.

That wasn’t a good sign. That meant there was probably a man – oh well. She’s smiling now, she’s seen me – try not to look dazed.

She gave the little person a hug and then stood up smiling such a big smile Shane nearly forgot he was transporting coffee. “Shane! What a lovely surprise! Come in. Don’t know how you got through security but it’s good to see you.” She hugged him under his scarecrow arms and kissed him on each cheek “you’ll have to sit on a tiny chair but I don’t want to cause a scandal in the staff room.”

She definitely had a man. First words out, come on man.

“You look really well, I brought you all right coffee in case you haven’t become one of those people that doesn’t drink coffee after 12 and still drinks milk and.......... I just really wanted to see you after finishing this last tour.”

Roo smiled softly and took the coffee brushing against him as he simultaneously sat down on a tiny chair. He looked up and found himself looking into the eyes of a small boy in the Spiderman costume who asked him “what do you do for a job?” Shane felt a bit confused but Roo just put her hand on the boy’s shoulder and said “music, he does music for a job”. The boy nodded and then noticed another grown-up and then darted off saying “bye Miss Enders, see you tomorrow!”

The door closed behind them and suddenly it was quiet and Shane realised he hadn’t reckoned on the tiny chair making him look ridiculous.

“Do you want to take your coat off Shane?” Roo said softly. “I have to put things away but I’m nearly done.” He stood up and she was behind him helping with his coat, something no other girl could do without annoying him. He turned and as she turned round and put in the coat on the hook he gathered her in his arms and kissed her ever so gently on the mouth. She kissed back tenderly and then put a hand over his lips.

“I’m spoken for at the moment”

“who is he?”

“A paramedic is just been suspended because he doesn’t know how to say no to shifts.”

“Does he have a record collection?”

“Yes -we listen to jazz.” Shane pulled away.

“And you have an open relationship with him?”

“He’s bisexual, so yes, though neither of us have done anything but,”

“but what? I eventually understood about open relationship with you, but I’m too late.”

“Not exactly.”

“Not exactly what?”

“Well there’s an experiment that we are going to do, but I was going to only have bisexual men taking part but if you would and you could- I have missed you.”

And so she told him of the experiment and that night he ate with her, Luke, and Robert while he tried to add up if he really could share her and their eyes kept meeting across the table and when he left Luke whispered in his ear, “think about it mate, I know I can share her with you.”

So Shane started to think and that’s all he did for two weeks, while just doing life on autopilot.

Househunting

Robert found himself taking his lunchbreak alone, sitting in the canteen and eating leftovers cold. He knew he should heat them up but eating cold meals making feel like he was living in the real world again not just safe and comfortable London. Not that it really was safe. There was still a fair amount of knife crime and with the police being armed now, who knew what the norm would be in 10 years. As he chewed a gravy soaked carrot ,he wondered if he was a little bit of the cathar. He must be something to always make things more difficult than they need to be. A stoic, that’s it. Less religious, though probably tending to pectoral muscles more than I ever will.

Sasha whirled passed and then spun around “Robert! There you are” she beamed.

“Sash darling, how was your weekend and day off?” He said raising himself and giving her a hug.

“It was all right. I just have to admit that I found nothing useful except property guardians. It seems the real squatters have been priced out predominantly.”

“Don’t worry – I still have a contact we’re supposed to meet on Saturday. He’s been away. I should trust him because he comes through Ian but I do run myself into knots.”

“You silly thing.” She smiled fondly at him.

“How did you get out of the studio?”

“I have breaks too you know. I just have to look busier then you and sit in hair and make up for hours each day.”

“Right, that’s where you appear from. I never would have thought.” Robert stopped – was he flirting with her? How incredibly odd. How incredibly bizarre. She kept talking and he dutifully replied all the time was wondering – was I really about to say not that you need make up love?

The next Saturday dawned dull and grey, and unexceptional for a February day. Robert had woken and had been pacing up and down the flat since eight. He didn’t know why he was so nervous about meeting Curtis, but maybe the anticipation from having waited for a few weeks had built up to unhealthy levels.

Roo got out of bed at about nine and found Robert looking lost in the corridor. Luke had finished with work at a reasonable hour for a change but his body has started craving more rest after the forced hibernation of a few days off. Roo put her hand on Robert’s shoulder and said “pancakes, help me make some pancakes”. And he nodded, and eventually sat down and drank coffee with Roo while they let the batter rest for a while.

Luke kept smelling something delicious and eventually appeared in the kitchen looking like a shipwrecked sailor who had found a bottle of rum. Roo and Robert made space for him and they all sat cramped in the kitchen eating a whole stack of pancakes.

By the time they had tidied up and got ready it was pretty much time to wonder to West London. It was very strange to be meeting Curtis on West London but there was an ethical restaurant he had suggest for lunch and as they never really bothered to go that far just for food it seemed worth agreeing to.

They stood in the drizzle waiting for a bus and all filed in and took some seats near the back on the upper deck. They had to change transport a few more times but after coming out of the tube station, they started wandering around looking for the restaurant.

They all took a turn the cash machine as they realised it was probably going to be a proper restaurant by the look of the buildings surrounding them. Roo was waiting for the others when she realised she wasn’t wearing her warm scarf.

They followed Robert round a corner and then another corner and there it was – a Georgian building was a lots of what must be double glazing. Robert got his phone out again as they walked up to the doors and there was a rush of warm fragrant air. As they open the door Luke thought “people around here must really like their coffee.”

“Reservation sir?”

“We didn’t make a reservation but we are here to meet Curtis.”

“This way, you want to leave your coat with us Madam?”

Roo faltered. “Um, alright.” Unwrapping herself self-consciously and finding her wallet and phone before handing it over. She walked to catch up with the others and was a little shocked to see them sitting with a very refined looking gentleman all in black. About 45 but potentially timeless.

“Hi, you must be Curtis, I am Roo.”

“Hello darling, pleased to make your acquaintance.” He said in a soft French accent. Curiouser and curiouser Roo thought.

“Before we talk business let’s order – the salmon as its wild but I’m rather fond of the lamb – are any of you vegetarian or vegan?”

“No we are all typically English.”

“It is lunch so we can skip starters – the asparagus is phenomenal but it’s not the right season for that yet.”

Up close Curtis’s skin was an exceptionally good condition. Roo found herself nervously sipping water. She had never gotten used to people with money and style. She tried to concentrate on the menu but it was like reading a poem after drinking too much wine. The lamb then, she scanned for the word lamb and when she found its description, which actually made sense, albeit unnecessarily complicated sense. There seemed to be a frustrated artist behind the menu. How bizarre, she thought and then let herself blink at the price. Oh well we’ve come all this way.

Robert was asking about the trout and Luke had his concentrating face on. Of all of them Luke actually had the most refined palate but with the ability to eat ordinary food as well. Roo was interested to see what he would order.

Robert was making small talk about the weather and property prices so Roo made herself look like she was concentrating.

Luke continued reading but reached out and took the hand that was fiddling with the menu and she suddenly realised everything was all right, it was just food after all. They ordered from a Viennese waiter which was unexpected, Robert always asked where people are from, and then Robert started talking about their requirements.

“We are looking for a place with at least 10 bedrooms and plenty of studio space. It needs to be either very quirky or very spartan. A place for a garden would be ideal as we will need to encourage that kind of thing and we need a lease for at least five years.”

“I see.” Curtis paused and took a contemplative sip of water. “And may I enquire as to the nature of the experiment you mentioned on the phone.”

Luke looked at Curtis with a piercing gaze and said simply “we are aiming to create counterculture propaganda for mainstream consumption.”

“It’s a spectacle.” Roo said softly.

Curtis nodded and looked rather pleased, like a professional poker player who has just realised he has an opponent.

“I suppose you want to know more about me. How can a man who makes his money buying art be the most useful man for squatters to talk too apart from his knowledge of Trocchi?”

They all nodded.

“I represent the interests of some rather well endowed reactionary people. Those who cannot give up the comforts of wealth but who feel incredibly burdened by it. I act as a bridge between the world of artists and craft persons who seek to do interesting work in the country with care.”

“So what is the purpose of your corporation?”

“That exists for my art business. I often buy and support independent artists independent of this work, but you would sign a contract directly with one of several trusts.”

They were all silent.

Curtis had a slow cats smile. “There is a building which you may know of called the In and Out near Savile Row.”

Robert and Roo shook their heads but Luke started nodding and smiling. “Right next to the park” Luke said.

“Exactly right my friend. Next to the park.”

“I have been looking for the right caretakers for that building for close to 8 years and in between we have been making it more or less habitable. Still simple but habitable. It has Aga for example which is ready to use now. “

“That’s just incredible, I’m sure that will be big enough for us.”

“Indeed.”

Curtis paused as a flurry of waiters appeared with their food.

They all stared at their plates for a moment, amazed at the detail before them, with Curtis smiling at the concentration.

“Let us eat.” Curtis said, “we can discuss things further over the dessert.”

They all nodded and Luke gave Roo the same look he did when he was home from a long day at work and she had his food ready. They all tucked in gently, trying the sauces and the reductions with Roo looking to Curtis to see how best to eat the lamb. Curtis smiled and said “I suggest eating it instinctively. It is a dance between ingredients to be sure, but each mouthful of this dish will always work. I enjoy playing with my food but not being directed by it.”

Roo looked thoughtful and then smiled. “Thank you” she said.

“Not at all” he replied, “your earnestness is quietly refreshing.”

Roo smiled again and looked at Luke who was waving his cutlery over his food deciding where to start.

“It seems we are eating the chef’s favourite dish then” she said when she noticed Robert was also just staring at his plate.

Curtis laughed a deep throaty chuckle. “You would be right to guess that my dear.” He said and winked. The others didn’t even hear them, being under Mesmer’s spell.

Robert eventually started to eat his salmon and was delighted to find the time had seemed to stop for a while. All his thoughts were quietened and he began to feel as though having a meal was not such a bad way to begin a relationship with the mysterious Curtis after all.

Luke was in heaven. It reminded him of eating with his artist aunt who would cook once a week when he was growing up, but then every bite was gorgeous. He had decided to eat some humble chicken to see how it was treated and he was so delighted by his first five bites he ate the rest of the meal as an alchemist, working out how he might cook this at home.

Meanwhile Roo and Curtis were eating leisurely but talking in the meanwhile. Curtis asked gentle questions about her past and was interested when she confirmed that she was a primary school teacher. She asked about art, and asked for tips on how to negotiate the art world with integrity, to which he replied- “the Chinese daoists are right in that they seek spontaneity. With art, I like to swim like a fish, sometimes leaping over rapids or treading water to stay in the same place. It is like life, always flowing and sometimes crumbling resistance and other times destroying it. You must know the beautiful instinct of the young – it is that same or wonder which I seek and one finds that everywhere if ones eyes are not clouded by paradigms and disconnection.”

Roo nodded “so it’s like the sound of many voices singing together?”

Curtis smiled “sometimes my dear but other times it is the sound of the rubbish truck after a long night.”

Roo giggled and then kept giggling realising she hadn’t giggled for a long time.

Luke looked up with the perplexed grin having just put his knife and fork together. “Sorry I missed out but what were you talking about?”

“Negotiating the art world my friend. My sources say your paramedic so you must know of the flow which I speak of.”

“Like the Taoists?”

“Yes indeed. They have the most close to indigenous religion there is that I know of and for them the natural world is worth protecting.”

“It is like the flow of blood. Sometimes we reach a scene and we know of someone doesn’t get a blood transfusion fast its lights out for them. Modern medicine does miracles but sometimes I wish we could just let someone die peacefully, because after working in war zones I know that’s the one thing I would wish for.”

“Indeed, that is the greatest blessing we can have, to rest in peace. Peace is a dynamic thing, she is also always there if we can find her.”

Luke fiddled with his glass. “Always? I’m not so sure about that, that takes a high level of nonattachment to the planet and people.”

“Yes, indeed. But I speak of being able to rest with demons and enemies, to rest with your humanity. Things happen so fast these days admittedly things look dire. My fellow countryman, Paul Virilio, has written of the tent cities which we are already seeing in parts of Africa and the Middle East. But in all this, there is still stillness that can be found when our minds are still. Plants and animals continue to feed so many of us, and the atmosphere and ocean, those other continents, continue to try make sense of our pollution. Which brings me to an important question. Would you be happy to advocate ethical consumerism in your show?”

Roo looked at the food on her plate rather wistfully. “That is a difficult question. It is ideal to consume ethically but what exactly does that mean? No more electronics because that depends on mining? I would be more interested in trying to teach people to live beautiful lives but I know there’s something very wrong with how we define ourselves by our consumption.”

“Incredibly astute my dear. But you could support buying organic for example and using biodegradable cleaning products?”

“Well” Roo said before Robert cut in. “We would need a platform where we were advocating food sovereignty, ideally where organic was the norm.”

Luke nodded “we don’t just want to make poor people feel guilty.”

Curtis smiled, “good, and what is your stance on homelessness?”

Roo smiled “that’s easy -no one should have to be homeless.”

“Anywhere?” Curtis said seriously.

“Anywhere”, Roo said with conviction. “I believe we all have a right to good food, water and shelter.”

“Any other rights you think we need at this time?” Curtis pushed.

Robert, Luke, and Roo looked at each other and then Robert said, “well we all like the human rights of the UN but it seems that people are more interested in their right to be advertised to in the developed world these days.”

“Interesting. The sponsor actually is a market abolitionist which is a rather impossible position and so she would like that to at least be discussed .” Luke looked perplexed “but she buys art from you?”

Curtis laughed “the rich are allowed quirks in this world that the rest of us would be imprisoned for.”

Robert said quietly “we can discuss models which are market abolitionist but that doesn’t mean they will air.”

“Indeed” Curtis said smiling, “though it might under the right circumstances. Now could you tell me the nature of the scandal?”

So Luke did and Curtis laughed looking fondly at Roo.

“And have you any takers as yet?”

“We have one potential straight man” Roo said.

“We haven’t advertised yet – we’ve been looking for the right place.”

“Would you like some assistance with the selection process if I get the go-ahead from your benefactor?”

They all looked at Roo. She glazed over for a moment and then took a mouthful of the vegetables left on her plate, relaxed and nodded. She swallowed, “if you can find interesting people who want to do or do interesting things that would help but I do have one request of maybe several. I would like some diversity in the mix, representative of the whole world.”

“You will have the right to veto my dear, but I suggest you don’t become too fixed on quotas. The quality of persons is what is important.” Roo thought for a second “well, we do at least need a northerner!”

Luke smiled “we’ll see love, will see.”

“And now may I suggest my dear that you take the remnants of our meals home for Luke to try so he can recreate it for you to and so we can indulge in some desert?”

Luke looked shocked and then nodded smiling.

“All right” he said.

The rest of the afternoon passed without them noticing the time as Roo asked to see some art and Curtis took them to an unexpected warehouse and they spent the afternoon and early evening drinking wine and looking at paintings and sculptures with Curtis making little notes all the while with the most beautiful understated pen in Roo’s opinion.

They were watching a video which made you feel as though you were getting wrapped in a tentacle when Curtis whispered to Roo, “you my dear will have to meet her regularly to help decompress.”

Roo continued to stare and then nodded “could I meet before we start though?”

“Yes of course. I meet her on Wednesday and then I will be in touch. She can meet the others too but I think she would rather keep things quiet.”

Roo nodded “of course, but for the first time I would feel safer with others with me or at least you.”

Curtis squeezed her shoulder gently. “Of course my dear. I will not send you in there all alone the first time.”

Roo nodded.

“Now let me call you a cab, you need to practice being more invisible.”

But the cost ! Roo thought and her eyes showed it.

“Don’t worry about the cost- its on me. You have absorbed enough today- you need some quiet time.”

And Roo smiled, realising she might giggle again in future and so nodded.

The cab arrived. Its bulbous form on the stark London street, the trees still without leaves. The cab driver got out and he shook hands with Curtis mumbling something about his mother which Curtis brushed away with single hand movement. The cab driver smiled “Carlos, and you are?”

They introduced themselves before turning to say goodbye to Curtis. Robert and Luke shook hands that Roo went in for a hug and the double cheek kiss.

“I will update you on Wednesday” Curtis said earnestly.

They nodded and then started to get into the cab, with Robert getting on the front seat.

In the cab, Carlos was going through his CDs and eventually settled on Low. “You don’t mind some decompression music do you? It’s just been a long day” Carlos asked.

“No, that would be wonderful.” Roo said and the others nodded.

“So it’s home for you then?” Carlos asked, as the music drifted through the cab.

“Yes please” Roberts said giving directions. Luke took Roo’s hand and she put her head on his shoulder, breathing out under her seatbelt. They rode in silence for a while and then ‘I started a joke’ started to play and Roo felt herself wanting to laugh but not needing to. It was a long way to go but by the time they got to Green Park Carlos was ready to talk. Robert and him chatted about Curtis and confirmed it was their first time meeting him. They talked about how Spain’s politics made one beam with delight and despair at the same time and then started talking about the delights of Jamon and the best place to get it in London at a reasonable price.

As the lights flashed by Roo felt herself drift into a doze, where all the paintings she had seen merged and flashed before her closed eyes. Luke started stroking her hair and she nuzzled up to him and when they got home they excused themselves, after giving Carlos a big tip because the trip was free, and then unbundled and made sense of the day with their bodies, slowly, carefully and with a bedside light on. When they got up to eat, they slow danced in the kitchen and Luke said he would try to take off at least one weekend a month. Roo smiled “so you really for a proper relationship too”. Luke stroked some hair from her face and nodded. “But I still think we can do the experiment.” Roo nodded. After that they shared a large napoli pizza, the only thing they had both known could be the right thing to eat in the day, they went back to bed and stayed there all of Sunday, surfacing only for food and ablutions

0 notes

glemmerdash-piecesof8 · 1 year ago

Text

, surfacing only for food and ablutions. As they lay tangled before sleep on Sunday night, Roo remembered Curtis talking about water, and smiled to herself before falling into a deep sweet sleep.

Because every man is an island

Shane woke up wishing he had a hangover. He had spent the night before drinking whiskey with Carl from the record shop after inviting him around to talk, knowing Carl on this pittance of a salary would endure his thought processes on absolutely anything if at least one bottle of Isle of Jura was in the offering.

Shane had gotten three just be sure and as he woke up and realised he should insist on Carl taking the bottle and a half left home after his confessions. He knew when he stood up there would be no woolly headedness to speak of but the idea of Carl asleep on his couch made him a little slower to test his self-knowledge.

Carl, named after Carl Jung by his mother, was an avid record collector who lived with his grandmother at the ripe age of 33. He also had a tummy. He never had girlfriends really because he was incredibly shy around girls but had gotten on with Roo surprisingly though not too surprisingly considering Roo could be interested in anyone long enough to get through most people’s defences.

Shane had confessed to Carl that he was seriously considering going ahead with the experiment but not just because he had realised he was still in love with Roo. He wanted to do something really useful with the show.

Last year he had done the Presencing Institute’s online course and now he was itching to do something which really helped rehabilitate society. He had knocked around ideas at his closest hub with people who seem more interested in discussing politics or getting a date then actually really using the material properly.

Maybe he should have changed hubs. Oh well, it was too late now. He could always do the course again he supposed. The people had been an incredibly good bunch. It was his favourite MOOC so far, and the only one he had completed so far except for the one on Carl Sagan.

Coffee time though. That would cheer up and you remember the plan they had come up with, which had pretty much floored him. It had been so ambitious. He looked at the time. Shit! He thought, it’s already 4 PM! The coffee place closes in an hour!

They had only gone to bed at 7 AM, and suddenly Luke remembered Carl had work so he better go wake him. Shane always gave himself Mondays off as he often ended up teaching or playing shows on the weekend. He needed one day a week where he could be a proper person and he knew he was lucky but he also knew his time was worth protecting.

Woolly hat on, wallet, keys, might as well pack my gym bag to. Wonder out to the studio. Carl is gone, blankets neatly folded with the extra pillow from Shane’s bed on top . Note.

Hi Shane

Gone to work. Been thinking we must finish the jura . Thursday?

Carl

Shane smiled. All right! He texted Carl after checking his day planner, show in Oxford next Saturday class at five on friday, show round the corner.

“Let’s do it”.

Out the door, and eyes open in delight – it’s just started snowing!

Robert started his journey home in a terrible mood. Today he had been working with the stand-in anchor who did his job perfectly well, but Robert was convinced he was just in it to expose his cheekbones. He was hating the dullness of his job.

The snow falling outside the bus as it stood stuck in traffic was soothing him though. He decided to check his emails. Nothing interesting or urgent but what was this? Phil? Open? Scan scan scan. Climate change.

Phil had gotten funding to do two years worth of filming for a series on anthropogenic threats to wild species which were greater than climate change.

Robert faltered. He made himself look at the snow. He hated anything to do with climate change because it was something he knew even less to do with then war, or nukes, or world hunger.

This was interesting though. He made himself read the supporting documents, glad that he had accepted the upgrade to his phone. It looked all right. The science was there and Phil was an amazing director.

But what about the experiment? Scan scan scan. Starting four months with meetings before in… London. He paused. Four months? Look at your bank account a voice dared him, that same voice which he knew was his real creative self.

He logged in.4 months. Password. Loading. He smiled. He could do that.

He replied to Phil – “it sounds like a project I would love to do. I need to get a grip on climate change but I don’t know how. Available to start in June.”

Letter to work “I regret to inform you that I have received an offer I cannot refuse. Please accept this as my resignation letter and I hope to discuss the terms of my resignation with you at the soonest possible opportunity.

Yours sincerely,

Robert Lowell.”

He got home and sat in the lounge and wished he had a cigar. He knew Luke had King Crimson though so put on Court of the Crimson King and poured himself a big glass of wine.

To be on the road again! And at least three months to dedicate to the experiment! He wrote Curtis an email saying if it all went well on Wednesday that he would be able to help with the selection process.

All was well. He might as well cook, he felt like aubergine for some reason. It must be because he never seemed to have them when filming. Were there any? Two-excellent. Melanzane it was, done slowly with salt.

Luke was driving again. It seemed he was always driving, but this time he was enjoying the long journey to pronounce someone else dead because he was thinking.

He was thinking about a discussion he had last night after getting home and finding Robert all cheerful with supper done and then climbing into bed with Roo.

She had been talking about the experiment and how all of them would need to find something they were passionate about. She had done some searching over the weeks before and decided she would be a stuck record about growing her own food and find a course where they would let her be filmed for bits of it.

Then she asked him what he had always dreamed of doing and he said he’d always wanted to be a paramedic and she had stared at him. And? She had asked. Just a paramedic he had said.

There had been a long pause. What about sustainable building? She asked. Luke shook his head and said that was just a phase.

What about nukes? She had asked. Luke had shook his head again and said he was out of the loop. She had said he’d get back in the loop. He had said no.

She had turned around and turned the light off saying softly – you have to think of your message- you can’t just be a husband who saves lives, you need an unrequited passion which you can explore. Then she had quickly kissed him and turned over, pretending to sleep until she actually was.

It had been quite strange. She had never shut him out before but he also knew she was not nagging him. It had been disquieting but it had made him realise, especially after listening to Robert say he was going to dedicate three months to setting it up, that the experiment was actually going to probably happen.

So what did he stand for? Clean water for everyone they all need to stand for that. Good quality food for everyone -likewise.

He thought back to the war zones he had worked in. What had bothered him the most? The buildings? No. The agriculture? A little but no.

He tried to remember crying. It was difficult – he had blacked it out, but he was stuck at a red light so he waited.

He remembered crying when he was helping his first amputation. He remembered crying after seeing chemical burns from an explosion.

His heart started to ache and he knew. The shrapnel. Some kids had survived their parents after one of those terrible bombs which let go metal shards. They stayed in the hospital for a month as they had no adult to take them home but had refused to leave.

He started thinking of numbers and why Robert had said they all needed vasectomies. It’s the orphans! He thought I want all the worlds orphans to be adopted! His heart was still tender as he pulled over as they had arrived.

Rhian woke up from his dozing at the back and started collecting the things they needed. Luke sat perfectly still for a moment and then fished around his backpack for his phone to text Roo.

Roo woke up the next morning with Luke lying next to her sleeping. She picked up the phone and turned the alarm off. She tried to wake up herself mornings after Luke was working, as she didn’t like waking him up.

Today they would find out about the location. Then she would have to text Shane. Maybe he had some alternatives if things don’t work out. She hoped they would – she liked Curtis.He was interesting and he would help her with presenting herself as he would help her know how to have downtime.

She looked at her phone. Message from Luke. She looked across at him and realised she could read it in the kitchen. Stumbling around in the dark, she found clothes and shoes and underwear for the day. Then she quietly left and closed the door behind her.

She got dressed and did her hair and got ready for work, putting her pyjamas in the laundry basket. She really liked the systems in this house, things seems to work, she wondered if things were scalable, they must be.

She put the coffee on the stove and remembered the text. She sat down and read “love, I want all the orphans adopted to good parents.”

She smiled. She knew he had forgotten to specify the world. She looked at her phone- there was time to make him some apple and cinnamon muffins. She was glad she was working today otherwise she would spend the whole day fidgeting. Luke’s got his thing. That was great. She put the muffins in the oven- now to find an introductory food growing course she could do.

Robert had a message from Curtis but he had decided to read it with Roo and Luke. Now he sat in the waiting room in south London, waiting to see his psychotherapist. He had decided to go through with his therapy until he left as it felt manageable to do for four months.

He had asked Sasha for advice again and she had told them about all the different therapies and then when she had finished had asked – so what is most important to you about therapist?

That they don’t tell me what to do he had said, distrusting that any of the complicated modalities would be able to provide that. There’s a few she had said, but if you actually wanted to sort yourself out I’d recommend Patricia Toynbee or anyone she recommends. Then she looked at him and passed him her phone which was ringing and he had asked some questions and eventually booked this appointment.

So here he was. He was glad Sasha had kind of sprung the actual calling on him and he’d had her to nod too while he asked questions and got asked far more.

The door opened and a woman in a purple dress, purple coat and purple shoes stepped out. She had red hair. She looked at him smiling “Robert?” She asked.

Robert nodded and stood up. So this was someone who knew his name. “I’m Janice. Come in. Patricia referred you to me as I like having clients for shorter times and understand if you want to take things gently but then you need to commit to a longer course of therapy.” They were in a comfortable white room- so much for being able to get distracted by trees.

Robert faltered and then said “I will be filming about anthropogenic threats to endangered species that all climate change for two years So only have until June to do therapy”.

Janice picked up a notebook and a pen and then her diary. “Until June you say? Could you do three times a week?” Robert smiled “ yes am flexible with time from the week after next”.

Janice nodded and made a note in her diary. She looked at Robert with a bit of a squint. “Do you want to do that many sessions a week? Some people believe in doing therapy five days a week but I find three or four times to work just as well and it gives a bit more time to processing whats come up. I’m quite extensive and demanding as a therapist.

Robert nodded “how do you mean?”

Janice smiled. “I expect people to take the therapy seriously. If you spend more than five sessions moaning, and don’t do the reflective work, I will ask you to stop coming to see me.”

Robert smiled. “So you want me to do homework and do what you say?” He might get out of this after all even though there was something he liked about this colourful woman in a bland room.

“Homework yes, tell you what to do no. I do expect that you listen to me but I try not to make any suggestions though I do set experimental tasks sometimes. Which you can not do if you do not feel comfortable or ready to do them. I’ll push you – from the very beginning, but you will have a week to think about things and do the first introductory essay. I know writing doesn’t work for everyone though – do you feel comfortable writing? 750 to 2000 words Robert? Just for me to read- I destroy all information on a client after they have stopped seeing me. I have strict confidentiality. So I promise I will never turn you into an example client.”

Robert looked at the ground. He thought about what she had been saying and then looked up, realising this was a real process. “Can we see how it goes?”

Janice smiled “of course we can. That’s the best approach to take. I will try press your buttons though. Are you ready for that?” Robert folded his arms and look at her shoes and then nodded and put his arms down again.

Janice started talking about money, which was in his budget and then started asking him questions. Her demeanour changed when she started asking questions. She became softer and more still. He felt no pressure to answer quickly which he was grateful for. Time passed and then he said he was asexual. She nodded “is something you would like to explore?” She asked quietly. There was silence for a long time. “I don’t know. I’m quite happy being asexual but recently I found myself thinking how it would be to be in love with someone if I wasn’t.”

Janice poured herself a glass of water and had a sip. “I’m going to be honest with you. Most people I see have a life that has them overwhelmed. After you finish this notice period, you will be doing work you like. You also have good friends who you are doing what you call the experiment with, which is interesting as it does seem like something you would expect professional artists to do - not a primary school teacher and two people who worked in war zones. But your asexuality is interesting. It seems the experiment is dredging up your unconscious. I am still going to go over the basics with you though. So your first challenge is to write on your first 10 years of life. A lot can go into it but just see what’s on the surface and then if there is more just make bullet points. You can email it to me or bring it 15 minutes early and I will read it before I see you. Either is all right.” She took another sip of water. “How does that sound Robert?”

Robert nodded “all right.” He said.

Janice looked at her watch and smiled and stood up “pleasure to meet you. I will see you next Wednesday the same time then.”

Robert smiled “thank you.” He said and then let himself out.

He found himself in a bit of a daze for a while but eventually realised he was on the underground going in the right direction. He took his phone out and read the message from Curtis. They had it! Wow! That was such great news. He drafted a text as soon as he was out of the station and sent it to Luke and Roo. The suspense must be killing them too. What a great day! Luke texted back that he was making the chicken and Robert smiled. Things really are alright in my life on the whole He thought and wondered again if he should get cigars and realised champagne or cava would be better.

Shane sat waiting for Carl, with burgers on the go. He had received a voicemail from Roo, and it seemed the experiment was actually becoming a reality.

Carl buzzed and Shane went to let him in. He had a vinyl bag with him and so he knew he was in for a session of sorts, even though there was only one turntable. Carl seemed to be taking this all quite seriously.

He made the burgers as Carl put on some smooth but somehow jagged jazz Shane had never heard. They ate listening and then Carl turned the record over and it was just nature sounds blended with some hints of synths.

“Is it really the same band?”

“No it’s a split, but just done so well and the production is great. I looked up the people that run this company and these days they seem to spend their life making cheese.��

“Did we talk about a record label?”

“Yes, an artist led record label with trustees. I would like the cheesemakers as trustees. And these artists do the tours when they can.”

“ It really is an as they can kind of thing with music now. Only the big artists make any money from the music, the rest of us just tour, which sometimes is a gamble if you don’t presale tickets. The venues are demanding that a lot now though.”

“Do you remember about the tour?”

“Sort of -doing community building and music at the same time. Maybe even having screenings of interesting films. I wanted to set up presencing hubs.”

“That’s right. You will have to explain to me how it works.”

“I will. I can make a presentation when I talk to Roo, Luke, and Robert about this with the mysterious Curtis.”

“So you are seriously thinking of joining. Let’s have some whiskey shall we?”

“Good idea. Yes. I’m considering it. They have gotten the use of building which they are looking at on Saturday – when I would have to present. I think they’re starting to look for people – so I don’t have much time to consider.”

“We don’t have much time to consider.”

“We? Are you thinking of joining too?”

“If she’ll have me and we can do the label and the tour. It will be good for her to have one husband that doesn’t need sex from her.”

“But you would like to make love to her.”

Carl blushed through his brown skin. “I, well, I really just want her to lie on my bed and listen to records with her. And maybe have a cuddle every now and then.”

Shane smiled gently “you love her to.”

Carl nodded. “I would like to help her relax. I could learn massage if there was money to do that.”

Shane laughed, “yes, and so she’ll spend all our time with you!”

“You know I can play records for everyone sometimes too. But I really think it’s important. I can stay with my nan for two nights a week just to check on her. I will still want to work in the shop at least part-time.”

“We’ll have to see how things go. If you want to do it, I’ll definitely will do it because I know that two of us can work well together.”

“Do you remember the name of the record label?”

“No it’s gone.”

“It’s of the birds.”

“Blimey, this is serious then. Let me phone Roo about Saturday then.”

Luke lay on the bed in their room and was concentrating on his body. It was a weird technique someone had taught him to see if there was trapped or unprocessed emotion.

Roo had been so happy after talking to Shane, and then Carl, who he had only met in passing. She said they had a music -related scheme they wanted to present and that they both wanted to be with her in the experiment, if she was happy with the fact they were straight.

Luke had suddenly realised it was real and soon they would be more people that transcended the role of suiter or friend. He was scanning his body for signs of jealousy but the only thing he could find was relief.

If they had really come up with the project to use the experiment for it sounded like it might actually be interesting. He has been thinking about the orphans and he had no idea how you talk about the whole time without starting a charity. The problem with the charity is what exactly would it do?

He was realising that he had to shift his mind from being a worker to something else. It wasn’t an artist but that’s more how it was. He was going to be creating not just being productive.

He concentrated on his heart for a moment, and it seemed less tense than the last time he had done this exercise a month before. That suspension had really helped change gears. Gears, he suddenly thought – do I think of myself as a machine?

That was troubling. He was listening to his heart beating and realised a cat would never think it was changing gears when the seasons changed. He would have to explore this a little. Maybe he needed to change the words he used to describe what he did and thought from that of the man-made world to that of the rest of the world. He could assimilate and metabolise and grow and age.

Roo finished the dishes. Luke had disappeared since she had talked to Shane and Carl. She felt a whirlwind of emotions but when she was done she sat down at the computer and booked the nearest food growing course. She would have to learn about the styles and pretensions of growing and make sure they covered stuff it didn’t explicitly say or talk about.

She started reading her emails and then instead of going into a daze she turned it off and went to find Luke. Opened the door and realised he had been doing a body scan again as he was spreadeagled. He seemed to do that when he was stressed.

“Busy?” She asked.

“Well I’m thinking about how I use language which describes me as a machine.”

Roo smiled and closed the door and started slowly taking her clothes off.

“And you are thinking you don’t want to self identify as a machine.”

“No, I want to be a human being in all senses of the word.”

She stood there naked before him and continued. “With this human thinking disappear at the idea of being enclosed by this human feeling?”

“Not if you keep talking love.”

She took off his shoes and then climbed on top of him to undo his belt buckle, slowly easing his jeans off while she hummed.

“You are no longer a producing machine.” She said as she helped and take his shirt off and now they were both bare. She kissed him and he held her pulling up the bed from sitting until she was lying on top of him. “You need to tell me what you want to do as a human creature.” She slid down and then felt between his legs delighted to find he was hard. She slid him inside and then started slowly rocking. “I need you to tell me because I just want to make babies with you and we’re not going to. We are going to be completely impractical in our lovemaking, so tell me.” She said placing his hands on her bum, moving delicately now.

“I want to breathe with your nipples in my mouth and eat and shit and age and explore.”

“And.”

“I want to try love many people and have sex with men again but still sleep with you at least half the time. I want to learn how to create instead of produce and to live rather than function. Oh you feel so good!”

“So you don’t want to be my master, or my king, or my operating system.”

“And I don’t want you to be my slave, my Queen, or my remote control.”

They were both breathless now, and stayed breathless for a long time, though talking less and less until the moon shone in and they realise they had forgotten to close the curtains.

Carl and Shane had spent the whole of Thursday working out how to present their plan. After a shift at the shop on Friday he had caught a bus after nearly slipping when he tried to catch it.

His grandmother was out with her friends playing whist, or bridge, or something else – he could never remember what Friday was for. He sat in the sitting room with a cup of tea, soaking in the silence.

He loved this house even though it should really have more than two people living in it. His grandmother had inherited it from her parents as she was the youngest by far after everyone else had passed away during or after World War II.

She had been born near impossibly and never lived anywhere else except a Hopi Reservation in Arizona where she was doing her anthropology degree.

She had definitely been spoiled but she expected very little of him except someone to talk to in the dark of winter and to check on her when she got ill. In winters she rattled round the house in frustration at the weather and would cook opulent meals quite often out of boredom.

He had recently been asking about his grandfather who he knew had been seduced by or had seduced his grandmother while she was there for what ended up being two years before her mother had gotten ill she had come home. So Carl’s mother was born out of ‘proper’ wedlock but his mother had fared all right in London growing up because she had gotten letters from her father so she had felt all right.

She had had him out of wedlock too, though but she had never really told much about his father, except that he needed to be careful about drinking too much. He followed this advice by not really drinking but going overboard every now and then, though he knew binge drinking really wasn’t actually a good idea.

He had been asking about his grandad, because he was a loved male even though he had stopped writing as often and after his mother’s death in a car crash. He had since begun to get strange dreams with chanting and fires in them and his grandmother said it was his ancestors.

Since then she been single-mindedly teaching him about the Hopi and kept bringing him books she bought, photocopied from some or other university library. She had become an expert on the sacred and but hardly touched anything about the Hopi past her PhD.

She had fallen in love with a jazz musician who was very jealous – who she had eventually broken it off with because he was pawning things from her parents’ home. By the end of that symbolism was very much in vogue, but she felt more comfortable not cheapening symbolism which wasn’t part of her culture. So she was enjoying this re-examining with the same passionate fervour she normally reserved these days for birthday cakes, which she made so beautiful someone had actually cried when they cut it.

Now Carl sat in the kitchen eating leftovers and then he went to bed, surrounded by books, and photocopies and records and he waited for strange dreams at night but instead it was deep, dark dreamless, refreshing sleep and woke up in the morning ready to see a building it seemed he might live in.

Shane woke up to the piercing sound of the alarm. All his work reflexes started to quiver and he realised with the start that it was the day they would see the new building. He stopped the alarm and found his dressing gown. Time for a shave in the shower and a trip to get coffee. There was time to go over his notes on the bus.

At the coffee shop it was quite quiet still and as he sat waiting for Carl his phone rang. It was Roo. “Hello darling.”

“Hi, we’re just checking everything is fine, didn’t know if you’re playing last night.”

“Yes we did but it was local and I could excuse myself. Just waiting for Carl – his bus stops around the corner so I’m just having my coffee fix. Its still at 12?”

“Yes – you will be in plenty of time. Curtis is having a picnic for us in the building and the owner wants to meet us on video chat though he said should be happy just to know what we think and meet her if we were happy with everything.”

“Yes that’s a lot for one day”.

Carl walked in, waved and then went to get a coffee. “Oh good Carls just arrived, will be on our way shortly .”

“Grand. Looking forward to seeing you again and while we’re on the phone. Luke is working next weekend and suggested I spend it with you two. What do you think?”

Shane felt his pulse rise a little and then laughed . “You’d have to go back on Monday and we haven’t had vasectomies and tests yet so it really would be like old times. We have a show in Sheffield on Saturday. Would you be happy to come along on the train? There won’t be space in the bus for you to but I can happily travel with you.”

“Isn’t that expensive?”

“I can book it before we go if you’re keen.”

“I would love that.”

“Oh good, well lets do it then. Will talk to Carl. I don’t think he’ll stay the night but he can probably get off work if he is on.”

“It will be lovely. I got your new album- its really good.”

“Better you mean.” Shane said laughing. “Yes we found our sound now and the new guitarist really knows what he’s doing.”

“But if you happy to book the tickets.”

“Yes I am. See you at 12. I am nervous about presentation but maybe the boss lady should see it too.”

“I think Curtis has it all set up.”

“All right. Lights camera action all that.”

“See you soon. I’m looking forward to what you come up with.”

“You two. Bye darling Roo.”

“Bye.”

Carl was sitting watching him. “So what’s this about Sheffield and Roo?”

“She’s spending next weekend with us!”

Carl nodded smiled and then blushed, but it was so imperceptible Shane didn’t even notice as he was just smiling and smiling while looking out of the front of the cafe.

Robert, Roo and Luke arrived at the In and Out [RvS1] at 11:55 exactly. Robert was carrying his camera after Roo had told him about Shane and Carl being happy to have the presentation filmed. His plan was to make a good little film of today to show their benefactor and the new recruits once they appeared.

They looked at the building and Robert realised he needed to start filming straight away. He turned to Roo and Luke and said “I need to film the whole of today?” They looked at each other, shrugged and then nodded to Robert. They knew it was right so they took out their phones and texted Curtis and Shane. When they looked up Robert was already filming the building in the cold early March light. He turned and they both smiled and waved and then walked up to the building’s entrance, through the drive way and up to the front door.

“It really is a big pile of stone,” Luke said and Roo nodded and before they had time to knock Shane had the door open for them and was smiling, giving Roo a kiss on the cheek and Luke a hug.

Curtis had led them through into a beautiful big white room with a bevelled ceiling. There were chairs stacked but on the floor were a whole bunch of embroidered[RvS2] beanbags on top of the most magnificent orange carpet and Chinese turning tables full of steaming food. Carl passed around some plates and Robert sat down after wondering around filming people dish up and turned off the camera.

They all ate in silence. Curtis had obviously organised for the heating to be put on because it was a lovely mellow temperature and they were all comfortable and the food was that type of deliciousness Curtis seemed to specialise in, but even more subtle and honest [RvS3] than what they had eaten before. They had all finished when Curtis asked “And, would you like to meet the chef?”

They all nodded and smiled and Curtis went off for a moment. He came back in with a svelte 6 foot 4 African man who’s skin was so dark it shone.

“This is Luther everybody and while you don’t know him he has something to say to you.”

“Good afternoon. “ And he went around introducing himself. Curtis magically found him a beanbag to sit on. “My name is Luther.I come from the Congo DRC. I trained as a doctor in Cuba but now I live looking after Mrs Godolphin as she gives me time to write and a visa. She told me of the experiment and asked me to cook for you. I thought about it for a few days and then asked if she would mind if I asked to join the experiment. I know you are looking for couples but I see you have accepted two straight men so I thought it was alright to try. I want to speak of colonialism but not just that of the state, that of the multinational corporations that rule so many countries in Africa, but also in the rest of the world. I want to write books and organise for a system where the corporations are not subsidized by the government. I would also like to work part time in an A and E department again. I like Mrs Godolphin but I have done my research now and I can see that creating new media is important. I would like to publish books and while I know we will have to be delicate with the programming, it would be possible to invite authors to talk to us. I know you are making a spectacle. We know all about the French in my country! It will be delicate but I would like to be part of it.”

He looked at Roo. “I can understand why you would want couples, so it would not be too much pressure on you. I had a wife in Cuba but since then I haven’t found a woman I could love as she passed away from Ovarian cancer. I know I could learn to love you however and I will be busy working much of the time. To share a bed with you a night a week would be all I could ask for and so I can remember how miners live at least a little. I am happy to have no children but this house is big and there will be many fathers so I ask that if you accept me that you will not only adopt 2 children from Syria but another 2 from my country which has seen war. I do not know how it can be done but I think you would have to marry one of us and adopt the children before the show began. I would be happy to look after the two from my country if anything went wrong so I would ask to be their guardian from the beginning. I have much else to say but I have spoken for now. Please consider me.”

He stood up and left.

There was silence but Roo was crying softly. She looked at Curtis and struggled to speak, and then slowly opened her mouth. “He will have to marry one of you so the children know he is their father and so he has a visa.

Carl lifted his hand, “I will do that if he is comfortable with that”.

Roo rushed up and hugged Carl. She turned around and looked at Luke and Shane. They nodded. “It is right,” Luke said, his voice a little gravely.

Shane looked at his hands and smiled. “Four children! It was just incredible. It would be an interesting house to live in!” He looked up and smiled when he realised everyone was looking at him. “Oh Roo! You know I love kids! I can play music with them in the afternoons!”

Roo wiped her eyes and then Robert swooped in with a tissue to tidy up her mascara and she smiled. “Should we tell him?”

Curtis nodded. “It’s time for the presentation and he should see it.” He walked out smiling and came back with a beaming Luther. They all got up and took turns hugging him now. They chatted for a while and Luther said he didn’t mind sharing a bed with Carl as long as he had a study he could sleep in too. And they all laughed.

Luther asked if they wanted some mint tea while Shane and Carl set up for the presentation and disappeared to the kitchen with Roo to prepare it. She was delighted at the kitchen and Luther told her how the whole property was completely off grid and they would get delivered wood once a month from Mrs Godolphin’s coppiced woodland.

While they were waiting for the kettle to boil he motioned for her to smooth her hair and Roo did and then found herself reaching out and putting her hand on his cheek.

“Can I kiss you to check?” Roo asked hesitantly. Luther smiled and nodded and as there was no self-consciousness between them they gathered together and slowly dissolved into each other.

When they came out 10 minutes later Roo was glowing and her hair was neat.

I don’t want your revolution if I can’t dance

Luke looked at her and smiled and then ever so slightly nodded at Luther, who nodded back sheepishly. Robert was talking to Shane with Carl fiddling on the side. They all looked at Roo when she brought them tea and smiled.

“Ready then?” she asked.

They nodded and then moved the beanbags no one was sitting on to make it easier to see. Curtis said to Luther when he brought his tea. “Are you sure about this?” Luther nodded and smiled. “It will make a change and it will be good to be back in A and E.[RvS4] I don’t have any more books to write for a while. Shane said, “All right everyone. Has everyone got tea?”

They all chimed yes and went to sit down. Robert set up the camera at the back with his tea on the floor and then gave the thumbs up before returning to it. Carl had set up the video projector while Roo and Luther had gotten the tea and now sat right at the back with his finger hovering above the mousepad of his laptop.

Shane looked at him and nodded and the screen turned into three huge icebergs visible above and below water. Shane took a deep breath, looked at Roo who smiled wholeheartedly at him and then started “There are three main icebergs to today’s problems. The Eco, social and spiritual divide. The problems that are at their roots, that which is the bulk of the iceberg overlap, but they include things like bubbles, finite resources, real needs and economy, collective paralysis and so on.[RvS5] The bubbles include the infinite growth bubble, income, financial, technology, leadership, consumerism, governance and ownership bubbles. The Ecological divide is best explained by Earth Overshoot Day which gets closer to summer solstice every year and the fact that we are losing agricultural land because of overuse. The social divide is also obvious - 2 ½ billion people live on less than $2 a day while the top 1% has a greater worth than the bottom 90%.

The spiritual cultural divide is more about the discontent most people feel about their work and what they do and best exemplified by the World Health Organisation statistic that in the year 2000 more people died of suicide than war. In this country we know that suicide is the biggest killer of under 35 year old men.

So what do we do to solve these problems? Move from Ego economies to Eco economies and start listening to people. There is more of this theory and I suggest that we all do their free MOOCas I find theory U Lab very inspiring and after getting Carl to do it too we have come up with what will be the bulk of our presentation.”

The slide changed. It was a picture of a festival. Carl smiled at Shane and walked to the front to start with Shane after getting Roo to take over on the laptop.

“So we were talking,” Carl said, “and drinking. Because I was overwhelmed by the experiment.”

“And we started to throw some ideas around. I work in a record store and Shane is the vocalist for a blues band so naturally we started talking about music”

“Yeah, so we were talking about distribution and how difficult it is to know what is good and then Carl says - what if you had a record label that was a cooperative of musicians with really good but unknown artists as its trustees?”

“So Shane starts going on about how that is not really interesting enough. Because by this stage he wants to change the world.”

Shane laughed self-consciously and Carl continued “So Shane says - I want people to learn theory U in groups and then change their communities. So I say why stop there - teach them about the media, and other interesting things too and then we both stopped and looked at each other and said - a tour!”

“Then we talked rubbish for a while and went to bed.”

“But I know Shane was and is actually serious about this and I always liked Roo so I left him a message in the morning to say we should meet up on Thursday.”

“So we did. With the rest of the whiskey and worked it out. We would have street teams like people did and still do have for shows. The street teams would have to do training and get people involved through a battle of the bands. The winner of the battle of the bands would get to play the home show on the tour and get their demo listened to by the record label and the tour would be more like a festival for a week in a town with films and workshops. We would do 6 weeks a year of the tour and that’s good because it will be so fun people could volunteer for a lot of it.

“And that’s what we want to do.”

0 notes

glemmerdash-piecesof8 · 1 year ago

Text

nd that’s what we want to do.”

Curtis put his hand up. They both nodded at him, “And the name?”

“We are still working on that,” said Shane a little quietly, “but there is time”.

Roo put her hand up and they nodded at her. “You need to have food growing training with people care too. And train a trainer so people can start transforming their communities in a really important way. And, “ she paused and looked uncertain, “the name ‘Of the birds’.”

“For the record label?” Curtis said. “Yes,” Roo said. Curtis nodded, “I like that and the tour can be called ‘The itinerants tour’.”

There was absolute silence for a while. Shane looked at Curtis with a grin and said wryly, “Yeah, I suppose we could get away with that.” And then everyone laughed and started hugging and Curtis looked at Robert and said, “Cut that bit now.” And Robert nodded while he started to see options to have fun on his holidays too.

After Robert had stopped fiddling, everyone else was in a circle again and for a split second Robert wondered if they would start saying ‘Om’ or something. He settled down and remembered that thankfully Roo wasn’t one of those girls.

“So,” said Roo, “I am taking that Carl and Shane are concentrating on prescencing[RvS1] by way of music, Luther is concentrating on “, she paused, “corporate power?”

Luther nodded.

“So I am concentrating on food growing. It seems pretty sensible and means I get to get filmed learning things. And Luke?” She gestured towards him.

“Oh, right, I am concentrating on orphans. I want to work out a way to pressure government, but actually all first world countries, to adopt orphans from the rest of the world. I am hoping this will lead to a change in how people think about refugees but mostly I just want the kids to get adopted.”

Curtis was nodding, Luther was watching Luke and so was Carl but Shane was looking at Roo, as though realising why she loved Luke. Roo was looking at Robert who was thinking, and she sipped her tea.

Robert cleared his throat and the attention went to him. He looked around a bit bemused and then said “Well, I know I am not actually part of the experiment but I am wondering. I was doing research into environmental groups[RvS2] ahead of the documentary we are making about how human activity is a bigger threat to endangered animals than climate change and come across an organisation called CELDF - The Community Environment Defence Fund[RvS3] . They are really interesting and one of the things they fight for is for the rights of Nature. I am wondering if you couldn’t make making [RvS4] local groups of CELDF in your tour?”

Curtis nodded again and then lifted his hand. Roo nodded at him, before realising with a shock that she was the only woman there and was effortlessly in charge. Curtis started “I am listening to all these ideas and thinking of the idea of market abolistionist and realising that while you are welcome to cover it at some point, I think your land lady would be happy with what you have presented as focuses[RvS5] . I also did the prescencing course but haven’t been nearly as inspired as Shane and Carl. I would suggest that other members of the group don’t overlap with those said. We can find someone sympathetic to CELDF though, to help fill in that side of things. Are you alright with me specifying that?” Roo looked around and they all nodded, so she nodded at Curtis. Then Luther looked at her and smiled “I think it’s time for dessert”, he said getting up and Carl followed him to the kitchen. The meeting was over for now and so they spent the rest of the afternoon and evening wondering round the house and getting used to each other. That night Roo and Luke interlocked with her legs over his and their eyes meeting for moments as they danced together between the sheets.

Robert lay in bed on the Sunday morning and just stared at the ceiling. His week had been strange. He had to write his essay today about his first 10 years of life. He had arranged to see Janice once this week and then booked for 3 times a week until he left.

He lay down straight away after having a shower and brushing his teeth. His first 10 years.

He got out a pen and notebook and started to write. “School, horrible but away from home. Max and Charlie were good mates - we used to play football. And at school we learnt about old films with Mr Verre[RvS6] . There was nothing strange about me then - nobody liked girls and the idea of liking a boy was even more alien. I used to mow lawns and it was good to have money to go to the chippie with. I ran away from home when I was 7. I just packed my things and left. The police found me in the camp I had made in the woods and took me home after saying my mom was worried. I told them I didn’t want to stay with my mom anymore so I got a social worker but my mom used to flirt with the social worker and never left me alone with him so I was branded as difficult and told to join the cadets. I didn’t want to join the cadets but it meant I was away from home and I just ran and ran. I went on all the camping trips and joined scouts too so there were even more trips. Max asked me to go to the synagogue with him on Saturdays and I started going, I don’t know why. I liked listening. I did alright in school but not that well. I wanted to be making films but didn’t know how. I started going to church on Sunday, for when I wasn’t camping and often got asked home to James’ house for Sunday roast with his family and it was great. That’s where I learnt about people in the third world - was at church, we were always raising money or praying for them because they were hungry and needed their souls to be saved.”

Robert stopped. He put down the pen and started sobbing helplessly. It was the first time anyone had asked, really asked about those years. Luke had tried a few times but had been satisfied with the story of running away from home and had never asked why. Everyone just assumes that sons of single mothers are unruly. But his mom wasn’t single. There was Mr Hargraves which he had found out years later was a false name.

Robert picked up his pen again and wrote - I don’t know what happened to me but I had nightmares for a long time and I think I have blocked it out. Mr Hargraves would come into my room at night and I don’t know how to explain what he did. And I knew my mom knew. And I know I was raped but I have never managed to even think that word before.

Robert was shaking. He lay down on the bed again and found his phone and typed a message to Janice. “I was raped by my mother’s boyfriend - in case I destroy what I write.” He sent it and then put the phone down.

He remembered the bodies he had filmed when he was covering war zones and the dead expression in some of the women’s eyes. And he knew, this was really a problem. He had blanked it out but it had obviously impacted him at an elemental level.

Why had he blacked it out? He looked at his phone when it buzzed. Janice said - “Thank you for telling me. Try to tell your best friend before you see me on Wednesday.

He looked at the text and deleted it - not a chance.

Luther had told Mrs Godolphin about being accepted into the experiment on Saturday night before she watched the presentation and she had just nodded. She was old enough to know Curtis could find her another miracle worker.

In response she had called Louis the Butler to pack her things and checked into the Ritz for 4 months. Luther had got a letter this morning from her telling him this. It had come with the instructions to prepare a feast every Sunday for everyone involved in the experiment which she would join. The rest of the time she wanted him to make her some trout to say goodbye.

There was a black Amex[RvS7] with his name on. It was for expenses she said and she said his salary would go on indefinitely until her death as long as he appeared every now and then and cooked for New Years.

There was a contract. Luther always found it amazing how paperwork could appear nearly instantly with her. He also knew he had until Sunday to actually sign it. He fiddled with the card and frowned, frustrated by how she as a single individual could dispense ease for no good reason except for the violence of her ancestors and people.

She had divested from fossil fuels but she still was invested in mining companies which were presenting themselves as “green”. He was staring at the contract and reading it through looking for every clause which amounted to censoring.

There was nothing hidden at all. Luther went to find some whiskey. He wanted to work in A&E [RvS8] but there was some logic in this arrangement too. Especially for Roo. It would mean he could visit with Roo and help with her processing Mrs Godolphin’s idiosyncrasies.

And the Amex. Well he could give the details to Carl and Shane to start setting up the structure for the tour. It was a bank holiday so he could phone Roo. He was realising he wasn’t quite alone in his fight now.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Luther.”

“Oh hi! How is it going?”

“Mrs Godolphin has given me a black Amex.”

“Right.”

“And a new contract.”

“You said you wanted to work in A&E though.”

“Yes. I am wondering if I can meet you somewhere to talk things over.”

“Sure. Do you have any ideas?”

“The British Library[RvS9] ?”

“Sure - I can get there.”

“See you there in 2 hours?”

“Perfect. It will be good to spend some time with you. Both the others are working. I have been rattling round the flat getting nostalgic and nervous so I am glad you called.”

That night Roo came home. She had spent the rest of her day with Luther, talking, walking, holding hands and kissing sometimes in the cold March twilight. She had brought[RvS10] back take-away for the others musing to herself that at this rate her taste buds would change, which meant she would have to get better at cooking instead of functional with her cooking.

They had talked about lots of things and he had told her about how confusing it was to have generosity which came from such an unexpected source. She had noticed little things about Luther which she hadn’t absorbed before like the way he walked through crowds so smoothly and the little scars he had on his hands which he said were from when he was an angry wild teenager doing woodwork.

That had been interesting realizing he might be like a volcano. At the same time a part of her knew it was alright to live close to volatility. He seemed to have worked out how to channel his anger into his writing and into working helpfully with people.

She lay in her coat on the bed and smiled when she remembered being close enough to him to see his grey hairs. She heard the door open and wondered into the kitchen where Robert was reading her note about dinner being in the fridge and general update about cashflow.

Shane put his phone down. He remembered Luke talking about how he was trying not to treat himself like a machine. He lay down on the couch and wondered what was going on with himself.

There was a deep sadness he had been sensitized to this weekend. It had been strange to talk about big issues with a view to make an impact so soon after his gran had given them a scare.

He wondered if he was becoming a new person. He felt such a sadness but he couldn’t cry. So he found his guitar and the recorder and turned it on.

He started to sing.

“Healthy baby, do you know this pain.

Smiling sunshine, why does your smile burn so.

With your hair and your body you speak of birth and life.

With your hips and your gaze at me you speak of long sweet nights.

But baby, baby, baby,

I feel like I never became a real man.

Baby baby, like the ocean without a clam.

Do you know the longing to hold something when the lights go out.

Baby baby what if they’re always out.”

He plucked the strings in a loop for a while.

“Oh god, what happened. Your crying in my bed.

There’s sirens and no bread.

Baby baby, I asked of you to be my bride.

But Baby baby, there’s no chance to stay by your side.

Gotta go hunting and praying and hoping for the best,

Hunting and praying, just hoping for the best

And gunshot dictatorships have less cruelty then the rest but I am gone now.

Baby I am gone.”

Shane turned off the recorder and sat for a while and then rewound and played it with quiet tears running down his face.

Luke was stuck in A&E. There was some kind of shortage and the patient he was with needed urgent care. They had patched him up on the way over but he needed a blood transfusion.

The man was muttering about it being his right to die and Luke was telling him that they had to try save his life. His wife had begged them after finding him in the bath. Luke really struggled with the suicides. He knew some people recovered from them but he also knew some people were hell bent on finishing their lives.

He kind of wished there was something like self-immolation in this culture so at least suicide was a thing reserved for very centred monks or very desperate farmers.

He had really struggled with the suicides his first year of training. People seemed generally to be quite bad at killing themselves and generally just needed a stomach pumped or some bandages. But sometimes it really was touch and go.

This was one of those times and Luke had to wait to see what happened which was seriously stressing him out. Then a strange thing happened, two nurses appeared, nodded at him and wheeled the patient away after listening to his voice which reported on auto-pilot. Then he was left standing there in the melee, somewhat lost.

After a very long minute Luke gathered himself and started making his way back to base. On the way Jimmy shouted at him and he jumped into the passenger seat of the ambulance and just sat there while Jimmy made jokes about hookers and old people.

Luke just sat, with a yawning emptiness inside, and Jimmy, after realising he wasn’t going to get a heckle out of Luke started concentrating on driving and talking about the new deck he was building for his wife in a soft voice.

Luke felt himself slowly returning. The void less consuming and started to be able to nod along to the conversation. When they arrived at the site of a stabbing Jimmy stretched over and put his hand on Luke’s back and asked earnestly - “You ready?”

And Luke nodded, feeling around for his coffee flask and then downing it. He felt the adrenaline sneak into his system and suddenly he was grounded and alert, ready for chaos with calmness and he got the supplies and jumped out of the van - glad that he had learnt how to have this state- always available after years of practice.

When they found the victim, a young kid of about 15 who was dressed like a rapper, and they had carried him to the ambulance and bandaged him up, he had a quick flash of Roo coming up to him and kissing his cheek. Luke sat with the patient as they drove away and relieved Jimmy by humming his, what Philip called, in love song. By their next trip Luke was capable of being riled by the crudeness of his jokes but by the end of the shift they had found out by some glitch that the suicide attempter had been successful and, so Jimmy had given his flask of Jack Daniels to Luke, watched him have a slug and then wished him goodnight with a big hug.

Luke walked to the bus stop completely bemused by his night, and when he got into bed, Roo reached for him in her sleep and nestled in and then he knew he was a lucky man.

It was Tuesday night and Carl was locking the door of the shop. He had been longing to stay and play some records in the gloom but Tuesdays was the night he spent with his grandmother where she chose strange movies to watch.

He paused and decided to call home - she seemed to expect him in soon and She normally wanted Chinese. The phone rang and rang and then she answered.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi, it’s Carl.’

‘Hello dear. Can you get our usual order?’

‘Sure.’

‘And I was thinking - you should show the movie tonight.’

Carl was flabbergasted. He eventually stuttered out ‘Me?’

His grandmother responded briskly ‘Yes dear’

Carl was quiet for a while.

‘Hello?’ she said.

‘Yes, yes, I am here’ he stumbled out.

‘So I’ll see you soon then?’ she asked, a little less sure of herself.

‘Yes.’ And he turned around and started walking back to the shop and fumbling with the keys.

‘See you soon dear! Goodbye’ And she put the phone down. Carl put the phone in his pocket and opened the shop door at the same time and then went to the bank of the shop and started staring at the movie selection.

He continued to stare as he fished out his phone again and made the order for their dinner. When he was finished he put the phone away and continued to stare, scanning each title. He found the comedy section but knew none of them was right. Then he found the arthouse section and as he looked he realised he had seen many of the titles there with his grandmother.

He stood up confused. He had no idea what to do. The night with his grandmother was the only night of the week he was exposed to moving images, except for when customers showed him music videos on their phones, or he saw a new broadcast out the corner of his eye at the local pub.

He went back to the video section and stared some more, thinking maybe he would find a favourite film he would want to see again. He waited and read the titles again. Nothing came to him. He sighed and then found his phone and dialled home, again.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi, it’s Carl.’

‘Hello love, is everything well?’

‘I am wondering, ‘

‘Yes’

‘Could I play you some music instead of choosing a movie?’

‘Well I don’t see why not! IF we’re going to break with tradition we might as well go all the way.’

‘Do you have any preferences?’

‘Just something beautiful or, or, odd. Yes, odd will do too.’

‘Can I play you a set?’

‘If you care too. Doesn’t that take time to prepare though?’

’10 minutes, I won’t make it smooth.’

Cecilia was nodding on the other end of the phone. ‘I’ll prepare for some cacophony then.’

Carl smiled. ‘Alright. See you soon then.’

‘Goodbye dear!’ They both disconnected at the same time and smiled to themselves. The experiment might actually bring them closer.

Half a pint of moonshine for breakfast

Robert was in the waiting room again. He had dragged himself to see Janice after calling in sick and spending the day at the pub drinking whiskey and eating peanuts.

It was his last week of work and he had never felt quite so nervous in his life. He had been drowning his sorrows all morning and by the time it was lunch time he was feeling jolly enough to write a letter to Luke which he created in the pub, then carried carefully in his jacket through the snow to the post office, where he had posted it and then hopped on the tube to get to Janice.

He was 20 minutes early and he sat feeling the whiskey wear off and becoming more and more conscious that he had a dishevelled vibe when the receptionist clipped over to him and looked deep into his eyes and asked if he wanted something to drink.

He was startled for a second and the he nodded. She blinked at him. ‘Tea, coffee or there is water in the dispenser over there,’ she said.

‘Coffee please.’

‘Black?’

‘Yes please.’

She nodded and then clipped away and Robert found himself aiming for the water dispenser where she found him 4 minutes later after having drunk nearly half a litre in small paper cups. She sat down at the little table after disappearing to get something to eat. She had huge glasses which she blinked through and then said ‘Jaffa cake?’

Robert smiled. ‘Thank you. That would be perfect!’

She smiled shyly and then bit into one, taking a proper bite, which made Robert smile.

She chewed thoughtfully, then swallowed and then said, ‘Janice is a good egg. She is harsh but a lot of people find her approach actually works.’

Robert nodded and had a sip of coffee. It was lovely coffee. He looked at this woman before him and a second later found himself asking her name, which was Franny.

He looked at her shocked. ‘Named after Franny in the book?’

She blushed, shifted her glasses and nodded. ‘I am not an actress and I am nearly blind but I also am weary of syntaxy droppings.’

She lifted her eyes and smiled directly at Robert, a crooked tooth showing.

Robert coughed and asked, ‘And your surname?’

‘Parker, that is my father’s name.’

‘And your parents?’

‘Are editors.’

Robert shook his head, completely bemused.

‘Can’t ask you out for a drink?’ he said carefully.

‘Only if you tell me why you are only with Janice for 4 months while you’re in a state in your second session.’

‘I am doing 2 years on filming about how human activity causes more extinction than climate change.’

She shifter her glasses again and swallowed the rest of the Jaffa cake.

‘Could you take me with you?’

‘Well I can ask. The wages will be alright. Can you cook?’

She nodded. ‘And I can hold the microphone.’

He smiled at her and then looked into her eyes. ‘I have never had consensual sex before.’

She kept her eyes steady and then nodded, before smiling, ‘I can be gentle with you.’

Robert looked away and then she was next to him and his hand in between hers and her head on his shoulder. She didn’t smell like shampoo or perfume, but she still smelt clean.

Janice came out and looked at them and smiled and then Robert sat straighter and Franny kissed him quickly on the lips before pulling him off his chair. He stood up and downed the rest of his coffee and then looked at Franny who was tidying things away and who also shot him a quick hot look. He smiled and she followed Janice who was in teal today.

0 notes

glemmerdash-piecesof8 · 1 year ago

Text

So they talked about what had happened to him for the whole session and Janice asked him about nightmares and got detailed answers. 40 minutes passed and Janice checked in to ask if he could handle a double session. Robert nodded and asked her if his reactions were normal.

Janice spoke very gently for a while. And then Robert started crying. She waited for a while and then looked him in the eyes and asked what he was mourning. Robert was rocking ever so slightly, and he whispered ‘My mother. I am mourning my relationship with my mother.’

Janice took a deep breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them she asked seriously ‘Could you write about just her and your first 10 years.’

Robert picked up a tissue and blew his nose and then another to wipe his tears and then he nodded. Janice looked at the clock and then sighed. The time had run away.

Robert stood up and nodded and then said thank you. Janice gave him an appointment card and then they went to the reception together. Franny was sitting waiting with their coats.

She handed them their coats and then stood up and smoothed her skirt. Robert looked at her then she shifted her glasses again and gave a tiny smile. He smiled back and Janice gave a sneaky glance before pretending to be busy with her phone, muttering good night and heading for the door.

She disappeared into the darkness and Franny and Robert stood quietly in the foyer area until Franny said ‘Water?’

Robert shook his head. ‘I think it’s time for a steak and some palatable wine.’ Franny fiddled with her bag and then looked at Robert and smiled. Such a sweet honest smile that Robert felt himself go hard.

He took her arm and she kept smiling and then, disengaged to set the burglar alarm. She went into high practicality mode ushering him out and then concentrating until they were outside under the metal awning and the rather bold looking conifer in a pot and then touched his face before linking arms again.

That night Robert slept in Franny’s green hued bedsit where they were quiet with each other and just held each other in the night. When Robert woke at 7 the next morning he went to pee and then drank a litre of water before climbing back in bed with Franny, teeth still unbrushed.

He curled up to Franny like a spoon and before he knew what was happening he been led inside her. He gasped and then started to more slowly inside her, feeling the sides and edges of her. He moved and then she started to move too and they started fucking and Robert was wanting to hold his breath but couldn’t.

Then Franny disengaged, gave him a slow deep kiss on the lips and then climbed on top of him, completely naked like him. The sheets were soft and good quality though worn out and Robert began to zone out as she moved on top of him. It felt so exquisite. He was glad he hadn’t learnt to masturbate, just to make his moment so magical.

Then she stopped and climbed off before offering him her breasts to suckle on. He took one in his mouth and one in his hand and played with her while she touched herself. He was still hard so she slid him back inside her and they just merged together for a while rocking and sucking and kissing.

And the she disengaged again. She looked at him carefully and then said ‘I want to know what it’s like to make a baby with you.’

Robert felt a soft panic but at the same time a stabbing pain in his groin and he was about to say something when she said, ‘I can take a pill’.

He nodded and then smiled and said ‘Would you?’ softly. She nodded and then said quietly. ‘I want you to ride me too.’

And she turned around showing him her bum and her back. He ran his hand over her bum and her back and then was inside her again and she felt so different but so good and they started moving together and fucking and fucking until he came in a breathless state of loins emptying and total surrender.

When he slid out of her he felt spent but beautifully still. She collapsed and then shyly looked at him. ‘Water?’ he said. She shook her head and smiled. Within seconds they were in each other’s arms and under the duvet[RvS1] again and soon Franny was snoring lightly, with her head on Robert’s chest.

Robert lay there in wonder, looking at the freckles he could see in the sunlight sneaking in and feeling her form pressed into him and he knew he was expected to cry but he couldn’t because he was smiling and he had struggled enough in the last 48 hours.

When he woke up the next morning there was a note where Franny had laid.

Robert,

I finish at 4 today. Dont know if you have work. If you dont it would be good to see you tonight It would be good to see you tonight even if you do. We can do salsa lessons on thursdays until we go. Here is a poem.

I want you to know me in my hot flushes

After years of moods and serotonin

I want to hold you when your blue

And cook for you in hundred of kitchens

I never let a man come inside me before

But the pharmacy still calls.

Maybe thats not a poem. Maybe thats just statements.

My number is 0732897642

Kisses,

Franny

P.S. My brother is called Maximillian J

So Robert looked at his watch and decided to turn up late. Then his phone rang and he listened to the voicemail. More concerned than normal but still angry. Leaving made him less of a machine to them [RvS2] but the big machine wanted its cog even though he normally just loitered for 2 hours after coming in.

Oh well.

Robert was still AWOL. He had sent a text to both Luke and Roo just so they didn’t worry. Roo was home from work and was eating the leftovers they had been keeping for Robert with Luke.

It was Luke’s day off and they had made love when she had gotten home. It had been a strangely disembodied session as Luke had said he wanted her to himself for the next two days.

It had made Root feel disconnected for some reason like she was floating. They were eating in silence now, some delicious chicken Luke had cooked two days ago.

She realised they were confused about her spending the weekend with Carl and Shane. She stopped chewing for a few moments and looked at Luke quite carefully.

‘I am sorry I was disembodied earlier’ she said quietly.

Luke looked up, and gave her a half smile. ‘I put pressure on you. We will have to try be a little less nervous about this next phase.’

‘Something’s going on with Robert. I’ve been wanting to talk about it.’

‘Funny you should say that. There’s a letter from him that came this morning.’

‘Really? Have you read it?’

‘Not yet. 2 secs.’

Luke got up and went into the living room and then came back with a sealed envelope. ‘Can you open it and read it please?’ he asked.

‘Really? We know he’s alive’ Roo said taking the envelope.

‘He’s just never done something like this before.’

Roo was reading the letter. She passed it Luke who took it and read it too.

‘Incredible - his therapist must be putting him up to this. She must be incredible’ he said. Roo nodded while tears started to rise in her eyes. Luke looked at her concerned and then went around to hold her. She got up and hugged him and said ‘It’s supposed to happen to a lot of kids. A lot a lot of kids. And how do you know and how then do you take what Robert calls right action?’ Luke held her and felt the strength leave his body but she was holding him up too.

She led him to the bedroom where they climbed into bed after taking their clothes off and they just rested for the rest of the afternoon. At around 5 Luke realised he should talk to Robert so he got up and tidied the kitchen before calling Robert and going straight to voicemail where he left a message. He made some tea and found some cake and then sat down at the table and wept.

He couldn’t believe Robert had had to go to a therapist to get it out of him. All the careful comments Robert made about people came back like a torrent and Luke felt an emotion he had never felt before but knew he would feel again if they adopted. When they adopted. He had to process that this was all really happening.

Luke took a bite of cake and then started coughing, nearly choking. His tears had mad the cake soggy and now the texture was a little weird.

A few minutes later he was back in bed with a cup of tea for Roo, which she seemed to sense by stirring. They lived on takeaways the next two days and by the time Saturday arrived they were both ready to start the experiment proper and Robert arrived for clothes with a girl on Saturday morning so they knew everything really was fine.

Shane woke up early. The sky was grey as usual. He put on some socks and a jumper and started checking the flat was tidy. He wasn’t sure why he was checking. He had spent the whole of Thursday and Friday cleaning under things and scrubbing doors when he wasn’t teaching.

The fridge! He could clean the inside of the fridge! He wondered to the kitchen and started unpacking the fridge while he also prepared some coffee with the coffee gizmo.

His palms were sticky and it wasn’t from sloppily used condiments. He drank the coffee and then washed and dried his hands hoping the clamminess would subside. He started to really concentrate on the fridge and before he knew it he was bashing ice from the freezer calm and completely distracted.

The doorbell rang. Who could it be at this hour. He looked at the clock - 11 am? How was that possible. He supposed he had been pretty meticulous but now he needed a shower.

The door rung again and he padded towards it. It was Eric from the band look cold.

‘Here to fetch our stuff.’

‘Right, how you doing?’

‘Cold.’

‘Close the door man!’

‘We’re doing our normal set, but sound check at 4:30.’

‘Yeah, we’re getting the 2:45 train.’

‘We’ll miss you at lunch.’

‘You know it’s Roo.’

‘Yeah - you told us you’re busy’

Eric grinned with his gap tooth as they started moving amps. The door went again.

‘That’s probably Sal - eventually bored of waiting in the car listening to 80’s hits.’

‘Want a coffee mate?’

‘Yeah that would be great.’

Shane was the door. ‘Hello!’

‘Hi, need some help?’

‘You know you’re the most enthusiastic roadie I know. Do you want some coffee?’

‘Yes please.’

Sal appeared laden ‘At least three trips to make.’

‘Sure - wasn’t sure if you were still on for tonight Shane. Eric says you have a lady playing fiddle with your heart.

‘No such thing.’

‘Well it’s true however you said it Eric.’

‘You’re letting the warm air out.’

‘Chat later - with cream that coffee if you have.’

‘Sure. Are you sure you don’t need help lugging Eric?’

‘Nah, your coffee is always a right reward.’

Shane nodded and put the door on latch. Christ. The fucking freezer.

Carl was walking to Shane. He was jittery oh so jittery. He had been doing sums with his money so that he knew how much spending money he had for tonight. The shop paid him a pittance and even though he lived rent free and his grandmother insisted on feeding him most of the time, the train ticket had already meant he would probably never get that unique Turkish cacophony he had found the other day -they were still keeping it for him. They said three days max.

A real life kind of date - even though he would be too nervous to come home with Shane and Roo, he had decided he was going to try and give Roo a kiss on the cheek.

He was planning to get quite drunk, but only whiskey, he didn’t want to drink ale and spend the whole night needing to organise a place to piss. A kiss on the cheek. He could manage that, and a hug.

Eric’s van, aka The Skamobile, was outside Shanes flat and Eric was hauling an amp in with, what was his name again! Saul? No, Sal.

Carl peeked in to see if she was about.

‘We’re getting coffee’ Eric smiled.

‘Lucky you. Need any help.’

‘That would be great Carl. That would make it the last trip.’

Sal adjusted his earmuffs and patted Carl on the back with some friendly thuds.

Carl nodded, having realised from the shop that man slapping was never going to stop being something that happened with some people. He walked up to the flat after Eric had locked the car and went in.

Shane was carrying what must be cymbals and handed them straight to Sal before giving Carl a hug. Carl submitted to the hug to and even hugged back. It was another of those things he had realised he couldn’t change and he actually liked hugging and being hugged by Shane.

‘Coffee, mate?’

‘Sure - that would be great.’

‘See you in a sec.’

The three of the fumbled and strode to the car with Luke retreating to coffee making duties.

They came back and bundled into the kitchen after Carl took the latch off the door. Shane was busy with the gizmo and motioned to Sal and Eric the different things to add to the coffee.

‘Or I can mix it for you’ he said mischievously.

‘Yes please’ Eric said and Sal nodded too. Shane finished up with the gizmo and let it whirr and then started talking, first to Sal to get in to the spirit of things.

‘So how you’re feeling today Sal?’

‘Tired. Bored. Nervous.’

‘What kind of tired’ Shane looked intently at Sal.

‘Bone tired in my very marrow mate.’

‘Been working on the sea this week?’ he said while adding sugar to Sal’s cup.’

‘Nah, just the filthy river.’

‘Feeling delicate or raw?’ Shane said earnestly.

Sal looked a bit sheepish but he really wanted Shane to mix his coffee. He paused. ‘Delicate.’

Shane nodded and added some cold water to the coffee and a splash of milk and cream. He touched Sal’s hand, which was waiting on the counter and smiled and then passed it over. Sal smiled, still looking sheepish.

‘It’s fucking cardamon[RvS3] innit mate’ and beamed.

Eric smiled, he liked being eased into things, probably why he was a blues musician, and nodded when Shane looked at him and smiled. ‘Ready?’

Luther picked up the phone. He was feeling emotions running through hem. Just call her’ he told himself, smiling at how nervous he felt.

It started ringing.

‘Hello?’

‘Hi, it’s Luther.’

‘Hi, how are you?’

“Fine.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes really. Just wondering if I can see you some time. How are things your side.’

‘Interesting, but good. Are you free for the next 10 hours?’

‘Yes.’

‘Can I get back to you in 10 minutes?’

‘Sure.’

‘Great, talk soon.’

‘Yes. Bye.’

And she hung up.

Broken Bones can mend

Luther made himself make a cup of tea. He loitered for a while over the teabags instead of just going with what he knew he wanted, or needed. He tried to answer the question ‘What tea interests me?’ He stood around for a while feeling a little witless[RvS4] and then smiled and reached for the herbs - fresh of course and put some sage in a cup. He smiled at himself as he waited for the kettle to boil and then the phone rung.

‘Luther?’

‘Yes?’

‘Would you like to come to Sheffield with Shane, Carl and I to see Shane’s band perform? It won’t be quality time but you will get an idea of us more.’

Luther paused. He felt a tug at his heart and then waited for some dread. It didn’t come.

‘How does he feel about that?’

‘Well I am bringing Robert and his new girlfriend and Shane would be glad to spend time with you. The problem is it would be hands off. Some of Shane’s bandmates know me and will be assuming I am with Shane - which is true - it’s kind of his and Carl’s weekend with me.’

Luther felt a tiny bit lightheaded.

‘You spending the night with him?’

Roo paused and then nodded at the phone before realising he was still waiting and eeked out a ‘Yes’.

Luther took a sip of the tea even though he knew it wasn’t quite ready. It helped.

‘Okey. If he’s fine with it I can be fine with it. We’re going to have to work out how to deal with situations like this so we might as well start practising now.’

Another sip of tea. Luther felt calm, so surprisingly calm he laughed and said: ‘I just found out for complicated situations I need sage tea.’

Roo smiled. ‘Really? Interesting. You’ll have to show me sometime. Can we meet you at Paddington, ready to go to Sheffield - day return, off peak obviously at 2:35?’

Luther took another sip of tea and then smiled at himself. ‘You want me to bring dinner? I just finished a lamb stew.’

Roo nearly swooned ‘You have enough for 1, 2, 6?’

Luther laughed. ‘Sure! See you then.’

Roo smiled.

‘Allright, what about the band?’

‘Another 4?How did you know?’

‘Lucky guess I suppose.’ Luther twinkled over the phone.

‘Well if you have the equipment.’

‘Oh, and there’s a roadie so make it 11 altogether.’

‘Alright.’

‘You dead serious ain’t you? Well no pressure but it would be delightful.’

‘See you soon Roo.’

‘You too.’

‘Love you.’

‘Bye.’ Roo put the phone down and didn’t know what to do so she did a little jig in the kitchen.

Meanwhile Luther was humming to himself and smiling at the rest of the sage in his mug.

Luke was watching Roo do her jig from the dining room. He felt a chill run down his spine. A weird existential dread set in, so that when she came to kiss him on the cheek he remained motionless, but he still managed a watery smile.

Roo explained that she was showering and he just nodded, maintaining the watery smile. And so he sat with a dread in his heart which he knew but this coming apartness was allowing to show.

He only started at 5 tonight and he just had to eat. He decided to have some cheese and crackers and he toyed with the idea of having wine as well. He knew he had to do something while this existential dread settled in but he was motionless, only able to toy with the idea of eating intermittently.

Roo appeared dressed and clean and sat down next to him and took his hand - knowing something of what he was feeling after seeing his eyes water before she showered.

‘It’s all just so big’ he managed to say.

‘What is love?’

‘Our goals with this experiment. And we’re not even starting to talk about the things we just accept, like general warmongering and the emptiness most people feel.’

Roo kissed his knuckles one by one.

He continued. ‘We’re just these ants without the wisdom of real ants destroying our planet. I started reading up on what Robert’s going to work on and it’s just heartbreaking.’

Roo sighed. ‘And caring has become a commodity.’

Luke nodded. ‘I am going to miss you tonight.’

Roo tilted her head to one side and was quiet. Luke smiled. ‘It is pretty great though that we’re actually starting.’

Roo smiled, her head still at an angle listening. ‘Do you have time to join me in cheese and crackers for lunch? There’s loads because Robert’s not been here.’

Roo nodded and then made a short clear laugh. ‘And will you be wanting wine with that too?’

‘Better not - do you drink spirits [RvS5] when you’re with Shane?’ She nodded. ‘But I would rather drink with you than on the train’.

‘Alright then - one glass each of some Merlot.’

The front door opened and there was Robert and Franny again. They disappeared straight into Robert’s room so Roo shouted ‘We need to leave in an hour!’ and then grinned[RvS6] , before finding herself on Luke’s lap and smootching like teenagers.

Curtis was reading applications. There seemed to be a wide range of people replying to the advert but most of them seemed incredibly tedious. What was wrong with Roo’s ad? Curtis found himself a cigarillo and lit it. ‘A Raielian[RvS7] ?’ he said out loud and then snorted. There was no knowing so he shortlisted him anyway. He took another puff and then picked up the phone and called Roo. She picked up nearly immediately.

‘Hello? Curtis?’

‘Hello dear.’

‘Hi!’

‘I have a conundrum with this ad.’

‘Do you mind if I put you on a loudspeaker, I am just having lunch with Luke.’

‘Go right ahead my dear.’

‘Hi Curtis’ Luke said.

‘Hello young man. So, what I was saying is that the quality of applicants we’re getting is just not on the same level as those we have.’

Roo giggled. “Why thank you, but yes I can see that being a problem.’

‘I am thinking of adding more information.’

‘Can we call Robert?’

‘Yes, go ahead.’

There was a scuffling and a chair moving.

Roo said ‘What if we ask for people who consider themselves artists to apply?’

‘Hmm, we’ll get hundreds of applications then, but did you say before that Robert could help?’

‘Yes, he’s free for 4 months though he is a little distracted by a girl we have eventually found out is called Franny. Here they are now. We are thinking of asking for people to apply who consider themselves artists.’

‘We’re just moving to the lounge Curtis.’

‘Right,’ Robert said, ‘I am assuming you want some quality.’

‘Yes, exactly right. The most interesting. If you can call him that, is a Raielian[RvS8] in the last hour of replies.’

‘They are sort of trans-humanists aren’t they?’

‘Yes.’

Robert pouted. ‘Don’t bother with him.’

‘He plays cello.’

‘No really, there are enough real problems in the world to listen to someone who wants to live forever.’

‘So artists. Any ideas of how to moderate that? I know you will help but we are already getting hundreds of replies and Luther must have an egalitarian streak because he only halves exactly, the applications.’

Luke coughed on his cracker.

Franny piped up. ‘What about if you say those that consider life a work of art?’

‘Is that Franny?’

‘Yes.’

‘Pleased to meet you, I am Curtis.’

‘Pleased to meet you too. I can cut down my shifts and help with the weeding, I have 3 weeks holiday to take before I give my notice.’

‘Thanks Franny.’

‘Yes thanks Franny, that would be great.’

‘So have the ad with saying about people who consider life to be art.’

‘We should get some grumpy sods replying just to say it isn’t,’ Luke said.

‘And say free rent’ Roo said.

‘I just realised I would like some normal squatter types involved, even if they just do the filming or something.’

‘We can circulate it around punk type places,’ Robert said.

‘Yes, it will be nice to run the place like we’re skint,’ Roo said. ‘Except for whiskey, I know Shane can’t handle the blended stuff.’

‘So we just keep making donations to charity?’ Curtis said.

‘Yes,’ said Roo. ‘Everyone can still have their luxuries but we have to stay humble.’

‘Are you forgetting about the organic food?’

‘No, but I remember squatters who when they actually bought food would only buy organic.’

Franny cleared her throat. ‘I wouldn’t advertise that. People will ask eventually what you eat and then you talk about it.’

Curtis took another puff of his cigarillo and his heart sank.

‘The food system is incredibly important for resilience,’ he said softly.

‘Yes, I have been learning about that Curtis and I think it might be more important to tell people to buy locally and in season than organic.’

Curtis smiled and poured himself a glass of wine, it was Saturday after all.

‘So, free rent and live like life is art,’ he said. ‘And yes, being locavores is more important than organic. Let’s try make England like Crete.’

‘Like Crete?’ Roo asked.

‘Self-sufficient,’ Curtis said.

‘Right. Yes. Oh Curtis, do you actually want to come to Shane’s show in Oxford at 9 pm?’

Curtis tensed and then relaxed and smiled. ‘Actually yes my dear. My lover is out of town so it would be nice to do something fresh as some say. Send me the details and will see you there. Will just get this ad out. See you soon. Thanks everyone for the chat.’

‘Bye,’ everyone chimed.

And so Curtis picked up the phone and called Luther, having a funny feeling he would be cooking.

Franny and Robert were negotiating among themselves and Roo was getting more cheese and plates. Luke came up behind her and kissed her on the cheek. ‘You travel with an entourage now my love.’

Roo trembled and Luke steadied her. ‘And I will be here for you when you return on Monday. You know I will be quite happy on my own, especially if we don’t finish the cheese.’

Roo smiled and put the plates and the cheese down and gave him a hug.

When they pulled apart Luke saw a single tear in her left eye but he didn’t say a thing. ‘I’ll do some cinderbiting and overdose on doom before you come back.’

‘Like a teenager.’

‘Just like a teenager. I love you love and don’t worry about them. They really can help themselves if they’re hungry, look they have already disappeared.’

Roo took his hand and led him back to the living room where they finished their feast and then cuddled until Roo had to go. She tapped on Robert’s door and Robert appeared instantly with Franny and said breathlessly ‘We’re ready.’

Roo smiled and went to kiss Luke goodbye before they trampled out of the flat. They caught the bus and were quiet for a long time until Roo started asking Franny about her life. Franny started talking and before long they were all laughing on the tube, telling stories from their adolescence.

They arrived at King’s Cross and Franny and Robert printed their tickets. It was chilly in the station but Roo turned around and looked and then she saw Luther with a huge wicker[RvS9] box thing talking to Shane and Carl. He looked in her direction and waved. The other two turning too. Before she knew it everyone was hugging and Franny was being introduced and then Curtis appeared and they all continued with the greetings while Shane and Luther talked about gorillas.

They filed onto the train, Curtis looking longingly at the first class before following them to the end of the platform where their train was. They all clamboured [RvS10] on with Shane dropping his hat momentarily and found amazingly empty seats clustered together, Carl opting to sit next to the window with the food and Curtis and Franny and Robert sitting on their own.

Shane was so intent on talking about the Congo with Luther that Roo just listened to them ask each other questions about the worlds they both inhabited. Every now and then she would start listening to Carl and Curtis who were talking about record sleeves which both seemed to have an abiding passion for. After about an hour though she dozed off on Shanes shoulder and woke to find that they had arrived.

It was a great show, and they all enjoyed the picnic Luther had prepared. They found a tiny kitchen to do the dishes, and Carl and Roo spent some time chatting and being quiet together while sorting out the pile of dishes. When Roo was packing things away Carl tentatively [RvS11] put a now dry hand on her shoulder. She turned around and they stood smiling at each other for a while before Carl quickly kissed her on the cheek before whisking containers away and disappearing to find Curtis.

Roo stood restfully, leaning against the countertop breathing in her solitude while somebody did soundcheck outside.

She was staring at a spot on the wall when Shane appeared, leaning against the doorway with the light falling on him just so, his face looking vulnerable and at the same time proud.

‘Shall we book into a hotel?’ Roo looked at him and smiled.

‘I miss your place.’

‘I’ve missed you.’

They folded into each other and Shane started kissing Roo hungrily but gently. Their bodies were so close, and Roo found herself taking off Shane’s jacket and then stopped.

Shane looked at her, his face shining. ‘Alright, let’s get the next train. I have some whiskey at home.’

‘There’s still two bands to play, the others will probably want to stay.’

‘Sure, let me check, right, let’s see, 20[RvS12] minutes ‘til the next train, if we get a cab we’ll make it[RvS13] , let me book one.’

‘Yes love, I am happy to leave’ Roo said laughing.

And so they slipped out, saying goodbye to Luther who had just gone to the loo and said he’d tell the others with a soft smile. They reached the station with minutes to spare and hopped on the train when it breezed in. Shane was holding Roo’s hand when they sat down and then Roo’s phone pinged. Roo looked a little confused as she took it out of her bag with her free hand, knowing it was Luke, but wanting to check anyway.

It was him, wishing her sweet dreams. She stared at the seat in front of her for a while with Shane watching her. Eventually she said, ‘It’s Luke.’

‘Right’ said Shane.

She flicked her eyes at Shane but he just looked happy to be with her. She stared at the back of the seat again, before replying to Luke a lot of x’s and hearts. She looked at Shane again and then turned the phone off before snuggling into Shane’s shoulder and chest and falling asleep.

Shane felt a bit bemused by this even though he was glad she turned the phone off until he started dozing off himself, waking to find Roo shaking him slightly.

‘We’ve arrived.’

‘Nearly home.’

‘It was a good show by the way.’

‘Thanks. I don’t know why I am so tired.’

‘It’s the travelling and Luther’s food.’

‘I was supposed to get you drunk and tell you cool stories from the road,’ Shane said sheepishly.

Roo beamed. ‘Plenty of time for that my love, and remember - you have already wooed me.’

Shane smiled and then kissed her before they ran outside of the station and got a cab.

They stayed in bed the whole of the next morning rediscovering each other’s bodies slowly after a passionate hour before they had gone to bed the night before.

Carl turned up later with vinyls and a nervous smile and stayed until after dinner before kissing Roo on the cheek again and disappearing.

Luke woke up that afternoon feeling a little glum. He had some muesli[RvS14] and then started watching videos of Shanes band, trying to make himself feel jealous. It didn’t really work, he just found that 2 hours had passed and he had been bopping his head for most of that time.

He picked up his phone to call Roo and say he was doing alright before putting it down again, smiling at himself and shaking his head. It was time to start getting ready for work anyway. He checked his phone and say a message from his little sister. She was looking to move to London.

That was strange. He phoned her and was surprised when she picked up sounding breathless.

‘Erica?’

‘Hi Luke! You know of anything?’

‘You’re leaving Cornwall?’

‘I’ve left James. I am staying at Suzy.’

‘Aunt Suzy?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Okey.’

‘So do you know of a place?’

‘Sure - you can rent the flat off me in 4 months and sleep on the couch ‘til we go.’

‘Where you going?’

‘We’re just moving more central. It’s a bit complicated. We might be able to move sooner than 4 months though.’

‘Okey, and you sure your housemates won’t mind me on the couch? You know I am tidy.’

‘Yeah, it will be fine Eri. When do you want to come?’

‘I need to work out my notice, so two weeks?’

‘Great.’

‘See you then.’

‘Love you.’

‘Thanks Luke. Bye.’

Luke put down the phone. Well that was good news. James was a wanker.

Roo arrived home from work to find a beaming Luke and smiling Robert. As she was putting her handbag down Luther appeared from the bathroom and she just stood there for a second.

‘So how is our lovely bride?’ Luke said.

‘I am alright - what’s been going on?’

‘We’ve been looking through applicants and have got a 25 person long short list,’ Robert said smiling.

‘Oh great!’

‘Are you ready for interviews? We are all free Saturday including Carl, Curtis and Shane.’

‘I suppose I am free then too!’ Roo said with a half smile.

‘It won’t necessarily be all of them this Saturday but we can negotiate with the rest.’

‘And Sunday?’

‘Sunday we are also all free.’

‘So it’s a weekend of work. Will we be filming?

Robert nodded. ‘There might be some gems.’

‘And that alien guy?’

‘Don’t worry, we cut him out ages ago. It’s all good men and we even have some couples.’

[RvS15] ‘Alright,’ Roo looked around the kitchen which was tidier than normal.

‘Should I make some dinner?’ she said earnestly.

‘Curtis has an idea that we do some interviews with those he is particularly fond of in restaurants.’

Roo looked confused, ‘Isn’t that risking the idea getting out?’

Luther nodded. ‘That’s what I said.’

Luke was looking at Roo with real affection, ‘My sister is going to crash here in 2 weeks time, she’s left that asshole of a boyfriend.’

‘So you’re going to let it out to her once we leave?’

‘How did you know?’ Luke said running his hands through his hair.

‘Just a guess - but about dinner.’

Luke smiled, ‘I am marinating some chicken - don’t worry about it.’

‘So,’ Roo said tentatively.

‘You want to see the shortlist?’ Luke said laughing.

‘Yeah, that would be great. Where’s Franny?’

‘At work still, she’s covering Rita being sick.’

‘So where are we doing the interviews?’

‘At Curtis’ warehouse.’

‘Right. Maybe I should wait ‘til Saturday to read them.’

‘There’s some that need some homework.’

‘Homework?’

‘Well - do you know what a yamabushi is?’

‘No.’

‘Or an autodidact?’

‘That’s someone who teaches themselves.’

‘Right. And do you know anything about coffee?’

‘Have you met Shane?’

They all laughed. ‘And there is portfolio of jewellery designs. And about 10 applications we’re not sure about.’

‘Can you get Carl and Shane to vote on these as well?’

‘Sure, we just didn’t know if you’re happy to have another get together so soon. I’ll text them, they both said they would be free from 6 and 5,’ Robert said, ‘Oh and don’t worry Franny voted for some guys we probably would have culled. She said you need some ordinaryish people to choose from as well.’

‘She’s great Robert,’ Roo said and the others nodded.

‘Thanks Roo. Is it too early for wine?’

‘No. I need some ballast for this.’

Roo curled up on the sofa and started reading applications. The words were not really going in though. Perhaps it was too soon after work. She took a slug of wine and sighed.

The others were hovering around expectantly so Roo cleared her throat and said, ‘I think I need to unwind from work. It will be nicer to do it with the others.’

They all nodded and dispersed. Luke and Luther to the kitchen and Robert to his room.

Roo zoned out for a while and came to when the doorbell rang. Wow - she had fallen asleep! Thank goodness she had put the glass down. In came Carl, looking slightly nervous as usual but with a genuine smile for Roo and she could hear Shane in the kitchen. Then Franny came out of Robert’s room and smiled.

‘Hello sleepy head.’

‘Hi Franny - I thought you were at work.’

‘I was, but came home early. Robert said you might need another woman’s eye.’

‘Thanks Franny, yes, that would be great.’

‘Shall we start?’

‘Sure, let’s just get Shane.’

‘Did I hear my name?’

‘Yes love, we’re about to start,’ she said getting up to greet him and getting a kiss.

‘Alright I’ll read,’ said Franny adjusting her glasses.

’37 year old and 29 year old gay couple. The 37 year old collects stamps and antiques and works as a dog walker. The 29 year old is an opera singer and tutors kids in afternoons.’

They all looked at Roo, ‘Should I continue?’ Franny said. Roo shook her head and then paused, ‘Do they have a project they want to do?’

Franny shook her head, ‘No, more of the same.’

Shane said, ‘Roo?’

Roo shook her head, ‘No, they sound happy enough but we need more normal people.’

The others nodded.

‘So am I making the decision?’ she said thoughtfully.

Franny smiled, ‘Pretty much, we’re just here to support you and give a second opinion. Ready for the next one?’

‘Sure,’ said Shane, taking Roo’s hand. So they continued and by the end of the evening they were down to 8 people, 4 of whom were part of a couple.

The next morning Robert contacted them and they were all free on Saturday so he scheduled them into hour long slots except for the couples who he gave sessions of an hour and a half together. One of them decided he didn’t want to be filmed by the afternoon, so they even would have a lunch break, which Robert had forgotten to schedule.

Saturday downed pretty grey and rainy, but by the time they arrived at Curtis’s warehouse Roo was glad she knew Shane was going to make her a coffee as soon as she sat down. Curtis gave her a big hug and led her into the interview room, which had a whole buffet of snacks on it. ‘What I suggest is the apple crumble with a coffee my dear. I hope you listened and didn’t have breakfast.’

Roo smiled, ‘Sure, that sounds great, just no custard or cream.’

Curtis smiled, ‘I’ll tell Shane. He is busy delighting in my appliances which I never use.’

‘Really? So what coffee do you drink?’

Curtis looked a little shamefaced and then smiled. ‘Between you and me, I drink instant with plenty of sugar when it’s just me - it makes me tend towards luscious combinations of tea.’

Roo smiled, ‘I never thought of you as dirtying your palate so but I understand your psychology. It would make me feel normal to have instant if I was surrounded by so much art all the time.’

‘Exactly my dear. Now I must get the door.’ Roo sat down on the end of the table and dished herself some crumble and then Franny came in with two coffees and tried to work out what to say about Roo’s position when Roo stood up and went to sit in the middle with her bowl. Franny came and sat next to her saying, ‘No cream for you. Shane says you can’t handle it when you’re stressed.’

Roo smiled, ‘Thanks Franny, there’s crumble.’

Franny shook her head and reached for a croissant and then looked at her watch.

’10 minutes.’

‘Roo nodded, ‘You’re helping with the interviewing for sure today?’

‘Yes Roo - don’t worry - until we leave I can be your wing girl and I have a Spanish friend who can help you with make-up and hair every morning your filming who is just lovely. I told her about the project without going into detail and the tour and so on and she’s happy to quit her job being a carer and be a sort of general assistant. Robert said there would be space and she wants to study part-time.’

‘Oh really, what does she want to study?’

‘Refugee studies.’

‘Oh great. And her name is?’

‘Fiona.’

‘Okey. When can she start?’

‘I just wanted to confirm with you, I’ve invited her round tomorrow evening. I would encourage her to go home for a while and then start maybe at the end of April.’

‘So 6 weeks time?’

‘Yeah.’

‘That sounds great. Thanks Franny. All my friends have kids or are in the countryside or not practically minded.’

‘We were thinking she could share the flat with Luke’s sister so she gets downtime and can have a personal life.’

The others were coming in now so Roo stood up and said, ‘That sounds really helpful Franny. So we’ll sort it out tomorrow. Just going to say hi to everyone.’

‘Sure,’ Franny said as Robert came and sat down next to Franny. “Roo, we were thinking of flanking you with Curtis and Franny so you don’t get distracted by any responses from your men. What do you think?’

Roo stood still for a moment and then smiled, ‘Sure you think of everything. Thanks,’ and she moved off to get hugs and kisses from Luther, Shane and Carl.

Suddenly the door rang and a bespectled [RvS16] artist appeared and looked at Curtis, who nodded. ‘Places everyone, my other half is happy to play doorman today if you give him studio space. So I can keep tabs on all of you too.’ Roo smiled, ‘Sure Curtis, you know there is plenty of room.’

‘Thank you dear, he can also be an assistant when you’re filming, he used to do sets then he can focus on doing his completely obscure and slow art.’

They all nodded and everyone was sitting. Robert handed out the first folders from the pile he had unearthed from his bag. ‘So write your thoughts down in the folder for memory’s sake and at the end of each interview pass the down to Carl and then we will revisit each one at the end of the day. Franny and Curtis will do a debrief with Roo at the end of each interview so we will get gut feelings. All right Jerome, let him in,’ Robert shouted.

In walked an Asian man who they all knew was Japanese, with long black hair. Curtis started talking, apologising for the size of the panel and offering tea or coffee while Jerome stood wanting by the door.

‘Sencha?’ Jatetsu[RvS17] asked carefully. Curtis nodded and smiled, ‘You want to mix it yourself?’

‘Yes, but perhaps, no, let us have some tea.’

They introduced themselves and their role, while Jerome went to find the sencha and Curtis explained the nature of the experiment. Jatetsu smiled and shook Roo’s hand over the table.

‘It is an honour to meet you Miss Enders[RvS18] .’

‘Likewise.’

He then started asking Roo questions, gentle but clear questions that elicited honest answers, though Roo stumbled a little. He then looked at the line and Luther, Luke, Carl and Shane explained their interests in doing the project all the while with the tea remaining unmade.

Jatetsu then made the tea and they all watched him and Roo drink it, her having nodded when he motioned to her if she wanted. Jatetsu smiled as he put down his bowl and watched Roo while she finished it self-consciously.

‘I would be honoured to be involved with this project. I would talk about protecting water. It can teach us much, and in this time of disconnection from the natural world, learning to respect water again is something that needs to be accomplished. I like the idea of a tour. If you choose me I will give up my wanderings and create a charity who works towards giving rights to all the rivers worldwide and then the ocean. So there is plenty to do.’

Curtis nodded, ‘Anymore questions for Jatetsu?’

Roo shook her head, smiling. ‘Thank you for bringing to light the idea of the Yamabushi for us.’

Jatetsu smiled, ‘A pleasure. May I ask when you will make the decision?’

‘This evening.’

‘And when could I move in?’

‘There’s nothing to stop you moving in straight away.’

‘Excellent. I am spending time with Zen Buddhists but I think I am pushing their buttons too much by spending all day in the garden and the cold.’

They all smiled and the Jatetsu stood up, shaking everyone’s hand and kissing Roo’s before bowing and leaving.

‘I don’t think he has a cell phone - I had to leave a message with the Zen Buddhists,’ Robert said thoughtfully.

Franny was looking at Roo smiling, ‘You like him don’t you?’

Roo smiled blushing, ‘Yes.’

‘So,’ Curtis said.

‘Ask him to join the panel.’

Curtis rushed off and Robert went to get another chair.

Curtis came back 2 minutes later. Roo went around and Jatetsu took her hands and bowed. ‘So what are we to do today?’

‘Another 3 interviews.’

‘I will sit next to Robert. It seems he has gotten me a chair.’

Jatetsu looked into Roo’s eyes for a second and smiled before leading her to her chair and clearing away her bowl and tea cup.

Roo looked down the table and her eyes caught with Shane and he smiled, giving her a thumbs up, the others stopped talking and all nodded too. Only three interviews to go.

Everyone was chatting when the doorbell went. It was Mark and Simon. They walked in and sat down scanning the panel in front of them warily. The psychologist and artist, Roo smiled to herself. Curtis started the whole spiel and they were about to start introducing themselves when Mark interjected, ‘You mean we would be married to her?’ Curtis nodded. ‘Cut the cameras, I am out of this good luck to you all but my ethics training doesn’t allow for this kind of experiment.’

Everyone looked at Roo and then Simon who was playing with his hair and stuttering, ‘I ca, ca, ca, can’t be on TV. We won’t tell, don’t worry. I am hahahappy to help but I can’t do TV.’

Mark was looking at Simon with puzzlement. Simon shrugged. ‘I think it a lovely idea.’

Jerome appeared with their coffees and Mark looked flummoxed but obviously was enticed enough by the coffee to take it. Simon put his coffee down and started talking about his art before taking out a portfolio. They all took turns looking at it except Curtis who just nodded. The sculptures were beautiful… but I just can’t do TV…’

Roo interjected, ‘Could you do workshops?’

Simon shook his head, and then Mark looked at him, ‘You said you wanted to make recycled art.’

Simon shrugged and took a sip of coffee before looking thoughtfully at Mark. ‘You said you wanted to do it with kids.’

Jatetsu started speaking, ‘Ikagi, ikagi, very good.’

Jerome, who was clearing away some of the food and plates to make the milieu [RvS19] less formal stood up tall and said, ‘I think Jatetsu is referring to the recycled sculptures being Simon’s raison d’être[RvS20] .’

Jatetsu looked at Robert, ‘Reason for living.’

Jatetsu looked thoughtfully and then smiled, ‘As my Zen friends would say, it is the sound of one hand clapping.’ And then he started laughing. Everyone was silent except for the other end of the table where they were all smiling too. ‘You see, your art is beautiful and I am sure, you are very successful, ‘Curtis nodded, ‘but it is just objects for the wealthy. Working with children, famous artist, with stutter, is a good image. Working with children, with stutter and using rubbish can change minds. Collect rubbish in woodland and rives and make art. Then advertise my campaign to give rivers rights. That is good actions.’

Mark was nodding and Simon was playing with his coffee cup now. Jatetsu continued, ‘This woman says too much despair, too much apathy. Let me make ripples. He looked at Robert’s folder and quickly scanned the information on Mark and Simon while people were brought fresh tea or coffee, wanted or not, by Jerome, earnestly trying to keep things casual. Curtis updated him quickly with a whisper. Jerome nodded and spoke up, standing poker straight again.

‘I would happily support you with your appearances. I am looking for a new medium and have been playing around with alchemy for the last year and a half but it occurs to me that this would indeed be a way to transmute into gold. We could use my studio at the house which is pretty big and has its own entrance, to have a collective where we get people to recycle things and lobby for changes in packaging.’

Simon was looking thoughtfully at Jerome, who put his hand on Curtis’s shoulder, who placed his own hand over Jerome’s. Mark was nodding. ‘It would be good to get off the SSRI’s.’

‘You think I could? Just by being useful?’

‘Yes.’

There was silence for a while and then Roo said, ‘Thank you for coming, it will be lovely to meet you again, do you have a card for them Robert?’

Yes, here you go, he said passing it down the table to Mark who happily pocketed it. ‘I am sorry I can’t do the experiment - I would just get too much flack at work and I really love my job. Sorry I was childish earlier.’

They all nodded and Roo said, ‘No problem.’

Mark took the last gulp of his coffee and then watched Simon decidedly [RvS21] down his with a flourish[RvS22] . They stood up and Simon said, ‘What is that word again?’

‘Ikagi,’ Jatetsu said. ‘See you on Monday at 3 o’clock here if that is alright with the owner.’

Curtis nodded smiling. ‘Yes, you would both be very welcome,’ he said, looking at Jerome who was smiling and nodding. Everyone looked gently at Simon, he was playing with his hair again and there was a smile on his lips, he looked up and said, ‘See you then.’ Mark silent clapped and then bowed slightly and they walked to the door, Jerome following stealthily behind them.

‘Thank you Jatetsu,’ Curtis said.

‘Yes, you saved the day,’ said Franny.

Robert looked at his watch. ‘We have an hour ‘til the next interview, I might as well turn off the cameras.’

‘I’ll remind you to turn them on again,’ said Franny softly.

“Well, 2 to go,’ said Franny. ‘Yes and two did go,’ said Luke smiling.

0 notes

glemmerdash-piecesof8 · 1 year ago

Text

I believe in miracles

0 notes

glemmerdash-piecesof8 · 1 year ago

Text

Choices

They were ready on time this time when the door rang, except for Robert who had forgotten about the cameras. In came Paul. He was a towering structure of a man and it was obvious to all of them that he was indeed an actor as he was not intimidating but at the same time obviously skilled at communicating.

The interview was going swimmingly when Paul stopped halfway through his sentence on solidarity in the art world and asked if he could have a drink.

They all looked at him and Curtis poured him a glass of water from the carafe in front of him. Paul stared at it dejectedly. Shane looked at Curtis and said quietly, ‘Are you looking for something with a little more spirit?’

Paul brightened up and nodded and then looked at the line of sober people and burst into tears.

‘Oh God, I would love to do this project but I am indeed a garden variety alcoholic. I spend so much time in my bubble I didn’t even realise it was really a problem. Oh Christ!’

Roo stared at him thoughtfully but quite harshly at the same time, thinking of this man with kids and deciding firmly against it. She looked at Franny and Franny took her hand for a second and gave it a squeeze.

Roo started to talk, her voice breaking. ‘Paul, thank you so much for coming today, but unfortunately while many of us enjoy drinking and perhaps drink too much, we will be having kids around and so unfortunately we cannot have a liability of any form of alcoholic, functional as you may be. We all just have too much invested in this project.’

Paul physically slumped in his chair and for all his sheen he looked pretty dejected and somehow much smaller and more vulnerable. Curtis looked at him seriously and started reeling off information about recovery with a slightly detached air. Paul was clutching the water glass now and staring deep into the bottom of it. Shane got up and gave him a pat on the back, looked at the others and said, ‘Do you want to get packed off to rehab mate?’

Paul put his head on the table. ‘I have a show in 3 weeks though the rehearsals are all done. I don’t know if I can handle other alcoholics talking about recovery. I am so fired. Maybe I need to change professions and get out of the city.

Jatetsu came up and started talking softly to Paul. He had brought his bag with him and Shane eventually got him a chair as he started working out Paul’s chart. Paul started recovering but now his was childlike and learning.

Jatetsu was nodding and so was Shane and Paul started smiling a big smile. He looked at the rest of the panel with a big grin on his face and Jatetsu used Shane’s phone to make a call and started talking really quickly and then he handed the phone to Paul who had a pen and paper in hand which he had gotten from Roo and Paul answered some questions as he strode around the room and then the call was over. He looked at Jatetsu and smiled. Jatetsu gave him two thumbs up which made Robert smile and pretty much everyone else.

‘Thank you all - I will get out of your hair. Good luck with the show. It will be great. And thanks to Jatetsu I think I can sort myself out pretty well.’

He made a little bow to Jatetsu, who bowed back and then waved with a big smile and left the building. Muttering the kindness of strangers as Jerome let him out.

He left a room where a lot of hugging was going on for some reason and it was a silent lunch as it sunk in that there would only be six of them or 8 of them, nowhere close to lucky number 7 anymore.

At 2pm everyone was sitting ready when the doorbell went. In walked Beltrano who was small and impeccably dressed with fun detailing, and Anbessa, who was taller and much more simply dressed, with jeans and a hoodie proudly saying BAN FOX HUNTING.

They sat down and Shane asked if they wanted coffee which made Anbessa laugh. ‘Not for me, thanks, I have just come from work, and,’ he said looking at Beltrano, ‘he doesn’t drink coffee after 1pm.’ Beltrano nodded.

Curtis started the spiel again with a surprising amount of enthusiasm considering it was his fourth time on the trot[RvS39] . They all introduced themselves and then Beltrano asked softly if they could come back in 5 minutes. They disappeared around the corner and 7 minutes later they were back, sitting down rather solemnly.

‘Everything alright?’ Robert asked. Beltrano started to speak but it was halting and Anbessa put his hand on his arm and started talking. Beltrano leaned back looking relieved.

‘We applied at the urging of Jerome.’ There were a few sighs and nods going around and Curtis looked up looking for Jerome but he slipped out of sight. He started getting up, a little put out, when Roo put her hand on his arm so he sat back down.

‘The problem is,’ Anbessa said carefully,’we are both completely gay.’ There were more sighs and nods with some frowns and some quickly hidden smiles. Anbessa continued, ‘We would still like to do the project and would be happy to get married but the marriage would remain,’ he looked at the cameras, ‘what is the word you use - not complete?’

‘So if you consider us that would be good. I would like to work with print media and Beltrano would like to work for himself and,’ he looked at Beltrano. ‘Yes, I can make clothes for Roo, Luther and Jatetsu,’ he said with a beautiful open smile. Anbessa continued, ‘Yes, he would be using you as ambassadors of his style but you would be able to wear other clothes.’ Beltrano nodded. ‘I also make some clothes for others if wanted.’

‘So what would your cause be Beltrano?’

Anbessa looked at Beltrano, who motioned for him to talk. ‘We both want to work on a literature magazine with poetry and so on but well designed.’

Beltrano interjected. ‘We will call it of the birds too and make it off white paper with blue print and cyanotype cover lookalike.’

Anbessa smiled. ‘Beltrano is a unique creature, being an Italian situationist as I think we said in the application. I would like to do a paper also inspired by your work Robert, it just came to me now, called Extinction Times.’

Robert nodded, ‘A newspaper of all the animals that have gone extinct in the last x amount of time?’

Anbessa nodded.

Interesting, thought Roo. ‘And you’re sure you don’t mind pretending to be bi?’ she said carefully. Anbessa and Beltrano shook their heads in a coordinated fashion.

Roo stood up, ‘Do you mind if I go talk to the straight men and Franny? And maybe Curtis?’

Beltrano and Anbessa both smiled and shook their heads. Shane got up, and looked at Carl who avoided his gaze and remained sitting. Luther was leaning back on his chair and then let the legs touch the ground. Jatetsu was talking to Robert and observing at the same time and then got up with the rest of that side of the table, stopping Curtis as he was about to pass and asking another question softly before smiling and following them out waiting for Robert to turn the camera off, saying softly to him, ‘Not wild Yamabushi who comes of the mountain for women or men. Too complicated all men,’ and Robert smiled and nodded putting his hand on his back and smiling. ‘You need time to go hiking!’

Jatetsu smiled and laughed a belly laugh and so did Robert. Roo looked relieved to see them when they came around the corner and Shane gave Jatetsu a big smile. Robert started talking to Franny and Curtis about legal implications and the other just stood. Jatetsu eventually said, ‘I need plenty time for cultivation. Will go to the mountains plenty and will be busy with the charity. Need simplicity, one day a week maybe with Roo but priority is the work. Too many men, too complicated.’

Roo smiled, ‘Well you can change your mind.’

Jatetsu shook his head. ‘No, discipline more important.’ He then looked at Roo and said, ‘Must go. Visitors from Japan from Okinawa. Okinawa serious.’

Shane asked innocently, ‘What is happening in Okinawa?’

‘America is building many military bases.’

‘Really? Even after Hiroshima? Isn’t that against a law?’

Jatetsu shook his head. ‘Good friend, very serious guy.’

‘Could he stay with us and talk about Okinawa?’ Shane said.

Jatetsu looked surprised and then nodded, ‘Maybe interview but will ask.’

He took Roo’s hands and bowed and then Shane’s before disappearing out the door. Roo looked rather surprised. Shane hugged her shoulders, ‘We can see him on Monday.’ Roo looked up at him and smiled. ‘I can’t really go to the mountains with him.’

‘I don’t see why not, we can stay in a house and see him when he’s finished his exploits. There are no sacred mountains in England.’

‘I am sure they’re sacred to somebody,’ Roo said smiling. Shane smiled, ‘I guess you’re right.’ He looked at her, ‘Having them will make things nicely rounded and simpler.’ Roo nodded, realising everyone was looking at her now. Franny smiled, ‘You’ll be a little bit more normal Roo with only one more or less full time lover.’ Roo looked at Shane and smiled. ‘Yes, alright.’

‘Great,’ said Robert. ‘I’ll tell them, you two slip off, unless you want to take Franny and Shane to that restaurant on the black card? Curtis has a reservation for 6 he forgot to cancel and organise people for.’ Curtis nodded. ‘I just remembered now. I have been so distracted by this experiment I forgot it’s the weekend I have a rolling booking for.’ Shane and Franny looked at Roo. She smiled and said, ‘Well the food is good and I don’t want to cook.’

Shane said, ‘I don’t have a show so some delicious food eaten slowly would be a real treat.’ Franny nodded.

‘I’ll go talk to Luke’, Roo said.

‘And welcome the other two - it’s actually best if you do it Roo,’ Robert said earnestly. Roo nodded and smiled, ‘Beautiful clothes!’

And they all laughed.

After Roo welcomed Beltrano and Anbessa she went to Luke and asked if he minded if she went for dinner. Luke looked at her with a smile, ‘With Robert and Franny?’

‘Yes, you could have the flat to yourselves.’ He smiled, ‘Alright love, I have a shift tomorrow night so you might as well go to work wearing one of Shane’s jumpers again.’

‘Sure?’ she said. ‘Yes, see you Monday evening.’

They parted ways and started tidying things up and putting things away. Shane was making whiskey based cocktails with Jerome for those who didn’t want champagne and when they were ready and everyone had a glass in hand they all raised them with Luke saying, ‘To the experiment,’ and they all cheered, happy to have their first toast of many to come.

At the restaurant Shane asked about what situationists really were. Robert put down the dessert menu and sighed. Curtis smiled again then Jerome said, ‘Well it’s all about the spectacle with them. It’s not so much a political stance, it’s a way of seeing the world. Beltrano is particularly influenced by the time, the revolution of everyday life.

‘It is a dead movement pretty much but quite a few people myself included really appreciate the approach,’ Robert said. Curtis looked serious and said, ‘You know about bread and circuses?’

Shane smiled, ‘Sure, there is a Durutti Column album called that which Carl lent me. I looked into it and realised agriculture is pretty complicated and distraction is built into society. So I suppose the point of our project is to try and subvert the distraction and I am assuming the situationists would possibly approve.’

‘Yes, possibly.’

‘But subversion only helps people see things for what they are. It’s not a solution for the average person.’

Robert looked into the middle distance and nodded. ‘The challenges of our time are unprecedented in recorded history, but media is the primary battlefield as it gets more and more consolidated into the hands of the rich. Civilisation makes for a pretty complicated set of living arrangements and what some call neo-capitalism, makes for an even more high speed society.’

‘Well, do you mind terribly if we leave now. I can’t stomach dessert tonight and Franny wants to get back to the flat to get drunk with the others,’ Robert jested.

Franny looked exasperated. ‘I just want to see if they are getting on.’

‘Yes, that will be fine,’ said Curtis, ‘are you two staying? I was thinking of getting the cheeseboard for us but if you two are leaving it’s a bit big.’

Robert faltered and then Franny smiled, ‘I just realised they are adults so we can stay.’ Robert smiled, he did love cheese!

Roo looked at Shane, ‘So we could try desserts?’ Curtis smiled, ‘Yes,’ and Shane shook his head, ‘unless we’re sharing Roo. I am happy with just coffee. This place is a lot to take in and I am knackered after last night’s show.’

Roo looked at the menu and found some bonbons. She pointed at them to Shane and he smiled, sure Roo let’s have some love bites. It is hard to be disciplined here.’

Curtis smiled, ‘That’s why I only come once a month.’ They all laughed. Roo suddenly thought of the others, ‘Do you think we could get 2 cheeseboards and some bonbons takeaway for the others?’

Robert smiled, ‘Good idea Roo, I am sure they will appreciate it. Ready to order?’

Shane enjoyed the coffee so much he insisted on doing some detective work before leaving and triumphantly coming out of the kitchen with a card. ‘I was thinking,’ he said as they waited for the bill, ‘what if we all only have one real luxury each? I am happy to eat rubbish food if I can have coffee like this every day.’

Roo smiled, ‘We’re going local but that is a good idea, if we each choose a luxury exempt item it won’t be so difficult.’

‘So what would yours be Roo?’ Franny asked. ‘Well if Shane’s doing coffee, the next one would be chocolate in some form.’ Shane smiled and said triumphantly, ‘The people I go the number for do fairtrade chocolate with a tribe in the amazon somewhere where it really is fairtrade and sustainable.’

Curtis smiled, ‘I can ask for a list of suppliers to get emailed to me.’

‘That would be great Curtis. Our cab is early though - shall we see you Monday evening to help Jatetsu move in?’

‘Wonderful - let’s make it 6 pm. Night - we did well today!’

They all said their farewells while Robert paid and then left.

Roo and Shane got out of the taxi, waving at Franny and Robert and the driver. They climbed the stairs to Shane’s apartment and collapsed onto the bed with their clothes on as it was still cold. While they were waiting for the heating Shane said gently. ‘You know I thought I had lost you forever and while I would love to have you all to myself, it’s going to be such fun doing the experiment, even if it’s tough sometimes. It’s refreshing to talk to non-music people.’

Roo nodded and took her shoes off and said ‘I am knackered too but that coffee might tide me over for some shenanigans,’ she said with a cheeky smile. ‘Next week I will be out of action but Luke might let us do a sleepover if you’re up for it.’

Shane smiled starting to undress her, ‘You know I love sleepovers with you,’ he said huskily. ‘My one straight man, are you sure you don’t want to experiment with the others?’

Shane was smiling and shaking his head while his shoes and trousers came off. ‘I am a blues man baby. I have tried but honestly you have my favourite body and mind and men really just are for sex, I want to make love to you all day every day but can share you cos [RvS40] that’s what needs to be done, but when the dust settles and the kids have grown up I want to steal you away and escape this town. I am with you for life baby, come what may. Now open your legs for me, haven’t tasted you for a whole week. And Roo kissed him, ‘Shane,’ she said quivering. ‘Hush baby, it’s going to be alright and he started kissing her nipples and touching her before traveling further down her body and when it was time for him to be inside her, he said with such tenderness, ‘You ready to grow old with me baby?’

Roo nodded and said she held him, with her body feeling more relaxed and ready for a man than it had ever been in her life before. ‘Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did. I was younger then and I am still young but if you’re ready to be partners for life, I am ready too, come what may. It will keep me strong knowing I can stop and still have you. I think Luke will be fine but I can’t think of losing you again.’ Shane started kissing her and led himself gently inside her and as he started moving inside her Roo realised for the first time that she was home and safe, she looked up into Shane’s eyes and they locked. Shane had tears in his eyes, but as they stared at each other they both knew there was no going back now. Shane laughed and hugged Roo in his delight, and they kept moving together in a timeless space, being just two people who loved each other deeply, renewing each other with their love and making them both starting singing Marvin Gayes’ Sexual Healing the morning with their breakfast, before returning to bed to do it all over again.

Never did I see so many faces

Franny got home that afternoon to get things ready for Fiona’s visit. She walked from the bus stop in the crisp frosty air feeling invigorated and when she got to the flat went straight to the kitchen for some tea. She was a bit taken aback by the pile of recycling, when Robert walked in, finding her staring at the recycling, and just shook his head. ‘There was a bit of a party last night until Franny’s yawning made then go chilling at home. Luke’s still sleeping and don’t worry, he is alone.’ Robert said wryly. Franny started to protest and then realised there was no point, so she just smiled and said ‘Tea?’

Dinner with Fiona went well, Franny having come home with a huge lasagne after a trip to the shops. It was interesting realising she had to have help for managing things in the future. Fiona was lovely and bubbly and loved the flat. As Franny was dishing out the dessert from yet another huge tray, Franny asked Fiona if it would be fine to start in June when Fanny and Robert left. Fiona looked at Franny and then laughed. ‘You mean you don’t want to film the first series before they leave?’ Roo looked at Luke and then got up and got her diary. There was then a flurry of phone calls and Roo sat waiting for the last few outcomes. They were all positive. Everyone looked at Roo and she asked Fiona earnestly ‘So you’re sure you don’t want to go home first?’

Fiona shook her head. ‘I find it stressful to go home. My parents can come visit me here. Like I said I need to give in my notice but I have outstanding holiday so I can book that tomorrow and then resign the next day.’

‘Luke’s sister is arriving next weekend so maybe we have to think of moving to the In and Out.[RvS41] ’

Robert said: ‘I can stay at Franny’s some of the time, though you probably want to give notice?’ Franny nodded. ‘Then I won’t have to work quite as many shifts until we leave. It will mean the others have to use the underground to get to work, but you might enjoy some last months of anonymity.’

Luke looked at Roo and smiled. Roo smiled back. ‘So we start filming in two weeks - apart from filming people arriving to in and out.’ They all nodded. Roo’s phone rang, it was Curtis, so she put it on speaker phone.

‘Hi Curtis.’

‘Hi Roo.’

‘There’s a few of us here, including Fiona who’s going to help me with things.’

‘Wonderful my dear. I was thinking about furniture.’

‘Yes,’ said Roo.

‘Well the thing is, we need plenty. I am wondering if you have any preference?’

Roo shook her head and said ‘No, just beautiful things. But ideally not too valuable and ideally not flatpack - I don’t think that will go with the house.’

‘Yes, the space needs awareness in its decorating. I spoke to Anbessa and he is free to help me choose things this week. We won’t get sponsorship for the decorations but I was thinking that perhaps you want a sound system for the lounge?’

‘And a baby one for the kitchen. Speak to Shane and Carl though, they will know what to get.’

‘Wonderful, We’ll be ready for the rest of you to move in on the weekend.’

‘So soon? Alright, I suppose it will be nice to settle in.’

‘Yes. I’ll talk to Shane and Carl.’

“Great, we all send our love.’ Everyone nodded.

‘Thanks Curtis.’

‘It’s a pleasure my dear. Could I speak to Robert please?’

‘Sure,’ and Robert took the phone and wondered to the kitchen to talk logistics.

“Well, I suppose everyone is going to have to talk to their landlords or find tenants or whatever,’ Roo said.

‘Yes, it’s London though and only two weeks until April,’ Luke said.

‘You’ll need to find some bluebells to film in and let Jatetsu talk about strange things,’ Franny said.

Fiona looked at her watch, and sighed. ‘Do you mind if I go? I want to sit with my calendar and double check things.’

‘Sure,’ Luke said, ‘it was a pleasure to meet you!’ They all gave her a hug and she waved at Robert as she went past the kitchen as Franny let her out.

‘So that went even better than I expected,’ Franny said smiling as she sat down again. ‘Yes, thanks for organising that Franny,’ said Luke. ‘Now I need to go to bed and update my lovely woman with what we decided last night.’

Roo looked a bit surprised and then nodded. ‘Let me just tidy up a bit.’ ‘No, no, no,’ said Franny, ‘I got it, I need to do something mindful,’ she said smiling. ‘Sure?’ Roo asked. Fanny nodded. ‘You have work tomorrow, both of you. Go rest!’

And so Luke and Roo retired. After they had gotten ready for bed Luke said carefully ‘So Shane has professed his undying love for you?’

Roo looked shocked and was speechless. ‘I’ll take that as a yes. The others said he would have.’ Luke sat on the bed and then lay down. ‘Don’t worry. I knew this might happen. You know you say his name in your sleep sometimes.’

Roo shook her head, trying to work out what to say.

‘We know he will look after you, we have worked out a rota to make it fair. You spend 4 nights every fortnight with Shane. One night a fortnight with the rest of us, except Anbessa and Beltrano who are really happy to just experiment with us lads. And the rest of the time can be fluid. Jatetsu can negotiate something then.’

Roo laid down next to Luke and then reached out to Luke, stroking his hair.

‘I love you though. I want to spend more than 1 night every two weeks with you,’ she said softly. Luke smiled. ‘Sure, I know that love, but I actually want to get to know the others. When the kids arrive it will get busy and there won’t be time. I thought you would be happy.’

Roo sighed and move onto her back. She stared at the ceiling and there was silence for a long time. Then Luke took her hand, ‘It’s going to be fine.’

Roo nodded and then smiled. ‘So you’re all taking the pressure off me.’

‘Yes love, that’s the idea.’

‘Thank you.’

‘We have to do tests this week.’

Roo nodded, cuddling up to Luke. ‘Shane will be away on tour sometimes.’

‘I know, you’ll see the fluidity will work out.’

‘Alright.’ There was silence for a while.

‘I was surprised when Carl and Luther both stayed yesterday.’

‘And we were surprised when Jatetsu left.’

‘He says it’s too complicated and that he needs time for his cultivation.’

‘Right, that’s true. He’s a full on mystic he is.’

‘Yes, I like him.’

‘We all like him too if you’d like to know.’

‘I did just make that decision didn’t I.’ Roo laughed.

Luke kissed her. ‘And a good decision it was. Sleep well love.’

‘You too.’

And he was gone in the morning when she woke up for an early shift, so Roo had another morning of stillness before work and she couldn’t help but wonder what Luke really wanted and that worry stayed with her all week, only being dispelled when she saw him with the others on Saturday at the house. Then she realised he was in love too.

Jatetsu was sitting in the garden observing the world around him. It had been a busy weekend, with people bringing things and choosing rooms and having a sort of extended party. Jatetsu had excused himself often over the weekend and yesterday had spent an hour with Roo outside just sitting, with Shane appearing halfway through and they had all sat together and watched the clouds and the plants, with the wind keeping them present. He was thinking of that now and was happy that it had happened even though he had been nervous and alert when it was happening.

The house was empty now with everyone at work except for Luther who was cooking. Jatetsu thought of how 10 days ago his life was his and now he really was in service to the universe. He found himself thinking again of his Buddhist monk friend who was working in Okinawa and it was as though he had eaten a bomb, his insides feeling metallic and his head starting to pound. This had been happening for the whole of the time since seeing his friend, annoyingly always when he was trying to enjoy serenity. It was as though when his environment knew he was centred and feeling whole, some god invented after time would appear and hollow him out, with each time being different. The first few days when it happened he had reached for his Juzu[1] but that had filled him with such a howling emptiness he had thrown up each time. It was all very strange but now Jatetsu just sat, ignoring the itch for the Juzu and letting the pain flow through him.

When it eventually stopped Jatetsu found that it was night and the stars were staring at him, his form somehow having collapsed to supine in the process of feeling the fear of the future. In his hand he found a small stone which seemed to shiver in the starlight. Jatetsu kissed it and put it close to his body for safe keeping. He got up slowly and breathed consciously before going inside and asking Luther if there was any lamb. Luther went to a pot and opened it and there was stew. Jatetsu started to cry softly and then nodded and Luther dished him up a bowl and then one for himself. Luther sat opposite Jatetsu quietly as they both ate with Jatetsu eating like an abandoned child but gradually calming so he wasn’t crying anymore. Everyone was already in bed but Luther had been fasting since lunch when he saw that Jatetsu was lying down.

Roo had told him last week, when he had phoned to ask what Jatetsu might be doing that made him so fragile, about the Okinawan friend visiting. So when there was a change of behaviour today Luther knew he had to stay alert. Jatetsu took out the stone and put it on the table. Luther looked at it and at Jatetsu and then said. ‘For your friend?’

Jatetsu nodded and put it away again. ‘Tomorrow he is coming to stay. We must start filming.’

Luther nodded with the acceptance of a man who has seen war and said ‘I’ll tell the others in the morning. Until then I think you have to rest. It’s very cold outside. Roo said you should sleep with her when you got in but she fell asleep about 2 hours ago.

Jatetsu drank a glass of water really slowly and then put it down and nodded. “That would be good.’

‘I will go wake her.’ Jatetsu smiled and nodded and followed him to Roo’s room. Shane was there sitting watching Roo in the dark with a pen and paper in hand. He looked at Jatetsu and smiled. ‘You want to wake the dragon?’ he whispered. Luther and Jatetsu nodded and Shane got up, ‘The best thing with her is to sing softly to her while stroking her hair.’

Jatetsu nodded after bowing to the other two. He closed the door and put the stone on the table and got undressed. It was a bed that only he would share with Roo as he was the only one with a single bed.

He climbed under the covers and started singing a folksong softly and tentatively touched Roo’s hair. She stirred and smiled then reached out and felt his naked form and took his hands and guided them to her breasts. Jatetsu was feeling so shattered his reserve was gone. He gave her hungry desperate kisses and Roo moaned when he entered her and started crying as he moved. They made a tender love that night filled with tears until Roo started laughing a deep belly laugh and then so did Jatetsu, before a tiredness came over him and he collapsed, curling up with Roo curling around him and he sobbed himself softly to sleep, confused by the strong tie he felt to Roo as she cradled him in her arms.

When Jatetsu woke up his friend was sitting on the bed staring out the window and it was afternoon. Jatetsu gestured to the stone on the table which his friend went and picked up. His eyes began to water and then he put it in his pocket and brought Jatetsu his clothes. Shane was sitting in the music room fiddling with a guitar and decompressing after teaching. Robert came in with the camera and Shane looked up and smiled before Jatetsu and his friend came in and sat down.

Jatetsu blew the horagai[2] and Luther came in with a Japanese tea set and they all sat in a circle and Jatetsu’s friend started telling a story.

‘A long time ago there was an old woman who wanted to have a child. She dreamed of a child for many years and then one morning she found a small bear in her bed.

The bear was small and hungry so she fed it warm broth even though there was something about the bear that was strange. The bear followed her around as it got older and the old woman grew to love the bear as if it was her long wished for child. One day a medicine man came to her house and he said ‘Old woman, the bear needs to leave today’. The old woman started screeching and cursing and she chased the medicine man away. When she returned to her house the bear was gone, except for a scratch on the door which it had made when it was younger.

The old woman left the house with her belongings and went and camped in the forest. That night the wind came and it blew on her fire and told her to give up her quest or the world would unravel. The old woman turned on her side and slept and in the morning she continued her journey.

The next night the fire refused to light and in the darkness the old woman’s water was tipped over as the wind came again and gave her the same warning. The old woman turned on her side and slept and in the morning she continued her journey even though the world was now covered with ice and there was no water to be found.

As the old woman walked she listened for birdsong but there was none in the cold silent light. That night she shouted at the wood and the fire and they lit for a blinding second and then went out. The old woman was thirsty and cold she started to cry and then there was the medicine man in front of a fire which gave off no heat and shouted at the old woman in the language of metal and as the fire told the woman of her folly and how if she continued not only would the world unravel but that she would become lost.

The old woman laughed with scorn and then looked at the sky and was filled with terror as the stars were moving and swimming around in confused spirals. The old woman screamed at the medicine man who sat quietly listening and drinking tea. When he was packing the tea set away the old woman started begging him now for water and the medicine man picked up snow on the ground and threw it in the fire while his other hand threw in herbs.

The fire went out and the medicine man said ‘Last night your home was destroyed and the bear was there.’ The old woman began to wail and went to find her things in the dark and all there was melted metal and an apple. The old woman was so sad and angry now that she started throwing the apple in anger and then as she was about to throw it she looked back at the medicine man and he shook his head.

She looked at the sky and its swirling and then she walked over and gave the medicine man the apple and then lay down to die. The medicine man opened the apple and took out the seeds and then buried them around the old woman. Then he left.

There followed many years of winter but one day the winter ended and the seeds in the ground started to warm and the stars stopped swimming in the sky and then the old woman woke up. She found a pack by her body and a note saying ‘There are no medicine people.’ And then the pack began to cry and the old woman’s heart leapt in joy and went to look and as she searched for the baby the sun rose and then she started cursing. The crying stopped and the old woman looked around her and all the trees were still.

Then the woman looked at her hands and her body and realised she was the medicine man except younger. The old woman wandered around looking for water and found some even though she wasn’t thirsty. Then she lit a fire even though she wasn’t cold. And the wind came and told her that she needed to leave in the morning because there was work to do and that for 100 days and 100 nights she wouldn’t be able to make fire or find water but she could be fed by animals and humans. The old woman cursed the wind.

After 50 days of cursing the woman lay down to die. That night a bear came and scratched her face. And after 50 more days she was still alive so she got up and started walking and over the next 1000 years she wrote all of our folksongs by remembering the sounds of the birds. So she sung but she never used another word of language for all her days.’

Shane started singing as the story finished and they all had tea.

0 notes

glemmerdash-piecesof8 · 1 year ago

Text

story ;)

A room with many rooms and no chairs

Shane put down the guitar and followed Jatetsu and his friend out, marvelling in the orange and yellow of his garb as he walked.

They found themselves outside and Luther started crying as they absorbed the tale they had heard. ‘What did you see?’ the monk

asked. ‘It’s more like a feeling. It is as though I understand the word solitude properly for the first time.’

They sat outside as the sun’s light faded leaving Jatetsu and finding themselves in the kitchen. The monk went to find Robert with the camera and Luther found Roo and then they all cooked together.

It was a vegetarian meal with purple potatoes which the monk had sourced. The monk started talking about the mammals who lived in the sea in the bay where they protested and started talking about how many animals in estuary systems and so on were struggling as more and more systems got covered with concrete.Jatetsu walked in while they were [RvS42] at their oak table and looked at the food and smiled saying ‘Some of us in Japan think of Okinawa as a different country.’

Shane laughed, ‘I never knew potatoes could be seen as anything but Irish.’ The monk smiled and then blessed the food and they started eating, Robert turning off the camera to join them.

As they ate they discussed having a visitor in residence in one of the two guest rooms. They all turned around, after deciding it would be a good idea, as Robert asked the monk if he would consider staying. He smiled and said ‘I must talk to my people but I can stay until Saturday. Jatetsu knows it is time to explore the dynamics of nuclear war now but I will spend a few days discussing things with him.’

Robert cleared his throat ‘And we can use the story we recorded earlier?’

The monk made a belly laugh and smiled gently at Robert. “That is why we asked you to film it.’ Everyone laughed and then started tidying things. Shane kissed Roo and said ‘They were suggesting I learn qigong. I am quite surprised but the monk said it would be good for the house to do qigong in the mornings. He knows of an expert who can be a permanent visitor. We can afford that right?’

Roo nodded and curled into Shane’s shoulder. ‘It will be good for the kids. Luke told me this afternoon he wants us to get married and adopt the orphans. What do you think?’

Shane went quiet and lay down. ‘I will talk to Jatetsu and find about his visa before I say anything. And then talk to Luke.’

Roo felt confused, disappointed and then started getting angry. Then she looked at Shane who was looking at her with his heart shining out of his eyes in such an open and vulnerable way and the confusion faded away. They slept close that night.

Curtis woke up in the morning and got up and looked out the window, it was still quite dark.

In the way to the house later his phone rang, it was Thomas, a producer friend of his.

‘Hello?’

‘Hello! How are you.’

‘Wonderful, thank you and you?’

‘I am curious about this project you’re working on.’

‘The experiment?’

‘Yes, the experiment with Roo Enders.’

Curtis felt his mouth go dry.

‘And how do you know about that?’

‘A little bird told me. So can I meet with you and talk about getting it on the screens?’

‘I thought you worked in films.’

‘I have been doing some production for TV in the last few years.’

‘We have production in house.’

“I can understand that but I am interested in doing the distribution.’

“it’s not a normal show Thomas.’

‘Of course it’s not with you involved!’

Curtis chuckled. Thomas laughed, ‘You know I am a fan of Shanes band.’

Curtis paused. ‘Where are your ethics ?’[RvS43] Thomas smiled. ‘You know I am a radical at heart, I have enough money and yes it’s all in ethical banks but since Sandra ran off I realised I need to start living by the principles and doing good work not just sellable work.’

‘They are going to be quite bold in the content, but really how do you know?’

‘Curtis, you know I own your favourite restaurant.’ Curtis smiled and shook his head. ‘I will talk to Robert and get back to you.’

‘I am free at 4 pm.’ Thomas put the phone down and Curtis sat in shock. So much for all his discretion! Jerome looked over at him in the cab and took his hand. ‘Thomas McManus?’ Curtis nodded. Jerome made a whistling sound and then looked at Curtis. ‘Don’t worry, they are as ready as they will ever be.’

The next week passed in a blur, and the next week too. Fiona moved in with Luke’s sister and they started to film and programme in earnest. Thomas had organised 52 weeks of 5 day programming contracts with people all over the world. They contacted the monk to do a weekly segment for the show called “stories for tsundoku”. He wanted to read a kids book a week as well and language learning for 2 minutes a day and then other partially organised but somehow endless filler.

By the end of April everything was finalized and Roo quit her job. Jatetsu did need a visa so the wedding preparations were speeding away with the wedding planned for mayday, Luther insisting that the 1st of May meant something in most of the world. It was going to be broadcast live.

Jatetsu and Luke had gotten married quietly in a civil ceremony the Friday after Thomas’s call as Robert had started panicking about adoption problems. Luther and Carl had also gotten married and it was planned for them to get spectacularly married in July.

The show started showing two weeks before the wedding and they started getting inundated with mail and requests. Robert and Thomas had made a list of the people and places they would do interviews with and the strategy for each and Luke’s sister Veronique gave up her job at a cupcake stand to do press. By the weekend they were glad they had two members of security, something Thomas had insisted on.

Carl was spending the weekend with his grandmother. He had taken all his vinyls to the house so had spent most of the weekend reading and listening to his grandmother’s classic music collection.

He was missing the shop. Everyone had stopped working and was learning editing with Robert in their spare time. He has been complaining to Luther about it being impossible to go out and missing work and Luther had gotten quite harsh with him. He had spoken about how much he had been looking forward to working in A and E but how he realised that other people could do that. Then he had reminded him about the kids they were going to adopt and Carl suddenly realised that he was an adult now but it was a bit overwhelming so here he was now at his grandmothers like a kid.

The Duke Ellington finished and Carl looked up at his gran and said ‘I know I said I would leave on Tuesday but I have to be a grown-up now. Do you mind terribly if I just go home?’

His grandmother looked at him with love and said, ‘Can I come with you? I would like to meet your new family.’ Carl smiled and said ‘Sure, I’ll call a cab to fetch us in 20 minutes.’

‘Make it 30.’ Carl nodded.

When the cab arrived his grandmother had a big bag with her but he didn’t ask questions. They talked about Roo’s gardening in the cab and Carl conceded that it might be good to help Roo with it.

When they arrived at the In and Out his grandmother took everything in her stride. She gave Roo a necklace which Jatetsu inspected and said she must wear everyday and then gave Luther a beautiful leather belt which interested Anbessa even more than Jatetsu.

Then she took out a pile of books and handed them out, running out by the time she got to Shane. She gave Shane a hug and then thought for a second and smiled to herself and nodded and went through the pockets of her bag until she found a small silver folding knife. She gave it to Shane with a smile and said Shane looked really conflicted. He said gently ‘This is your special thing, I can’t travel with that kind of thing on me.’

Jatetsu walked up and looked at the knife. ‘It is very special to you. You must keep it. We will share - I have already read the canons of the golden emperor - but I can borrow it from Shane when I need to improve my English.’ He said joking and handing the book to Shane.

Carl’s grandmother smiled and then Jatetsu led her back to Carl. She asked to see where he slept and they went up to his and Luther’s wing.

She looked around and then put her bag on the bed and took out a big bundle. Then she gave it to Carl. ‘For the wall,’ she said. It was a handsome woven mandala with a bear. Carl laughed delightedly and gave his grandmother a hug and then asked if she wanted to stay.

‘I thought you would never ask. I would love to help with the wedding and if you need me to help with the kids I can come by in the afternoons. It’s not so far and I can keep my anonymity and have the house to myself. People can come crash at my house if they need a break. Carl kissed her and then ran off to find Roo and show off the tapestry. [RvS44]

Carl’s grandmother settled in well and delighted Franny and Fiona by helping with their part of the organisation of the wedding. She also interviewed everyone in the house and worked out what was troubling everyone and then sat everyone down and talked to them about how they could set up the house differently. Everyone listened and Curtis and Thomas smiled at each other at the end then sidled up to her to ask her questions, with her eventually just saying ‘I get to be a grandmother! I will be here as much as I am needed,’ and scuttling off.

That night Roo went to Luke’s room and it was empty so she wondered to Shane’s room, after checking the music room. Shane was looking quite stressed. Robert was there with Franny and Carl and there was a pile of post. He nodded at Franny and then said ‘We’re going to need to get rid of the artists.’ ‘God knows I will be a mystic by September at this rate but I am happy to take it a day at a time and do things properly. What do you think Carl?’ Carl was looking at the ceiling. ‘I suppose so. We’re going to need to do more work on the website.’

And Shane laughed joyfully and hit him on the back and gave him a hug and then they all took the post to the office and said good nights.

That night Roo had nightmares and woke up crying. Shane was awake and asked her wat it was and she said she didn’t know what it was but someone was suffering because of what they were doing. Shane calmed her down and got her to sleep again.

The next day he talked to Jatetsu about it and Jatetsu nodded. ‘They told me, the elders, that she will struggle with the wedding because of something to do with the internet. She will be strong though but that is another reason why we are going away for a month. There is no internet there so she will be able to recover.’

‘Can’t we protect her somehow?’

‘No, it’s something she has to learn. We just have to be gentle with her.’

‘Should we tell the others?’

Jatetsu shook his head. ‘No, it makes it more likely it will happen.’

Shane wrung his hand and then Jatetsu put his [RvS45] hand on his arm and said ‘They are preparing some talismans for her but they said she is in a dream at the moment and [RvS46] disconnected. She needs children around her.’ Shane nodded, ‘It’s only three days to the wedding.’

Jatetsu nodded. ‘Luke is very busy with setting up his charity and working out what laws he needs to tell people to make adoption easier.’ ‘We need to just focus on Roo for a month.’

Jatetsu gave Shaun a hug. ‘I will be there too. It will be alright. I have asked a medicine woman to come to place we are going in the mountains to help care for Roo and make her strong. She must begin cultivation but she is still only intrigued by these practises. It is time for qigong. I will come too so I can see if it is a good form for Roo.’

Roo had been silent all morning and had retreated to her room with her computer. She started reading about herself online and was amazed at the vitriol she read and saw directed against her. She entered a slight depression but hid it from people and everyone for the next 36 hours just thought she was nervous and because she hid in the library everyone thought she was busy with someone else and while Jatetsu and Shane exchanged glances every now and then, they both told themselves the other had it covered.

The night before the wedding Roo checked her mail.It was not a secure account but she didn’t think twice before opening an email from someone she hadn’t spoken to for many years that was in her spam folder.

0 notes

glemmerdash-piecesof8 · 1 year ago

Text

hang in there...

‘Thought you should see this,’ it said . The next 10 minutes were the worst moments of Roo’s life as she sat transfixed as 7 men rape a woman who looked so much like herself it was disarming. She was shaking but managed to close the window and rushed to the toilet where she dry heaved and got rid of the little food she had managed to eat that day. She got the vomit in her hair but didn’t care and lay slumped over the toilet bowl in a daze, crying and snivelling and feeling the value of her life be slowly ripped to shreds.

Carl found her and after about 2 minutes of staring at her in bewilderment went to find someone else. He met Jatetsu and Shaun coming up the stairs, the two of them eventually having spoken again and realised that Roo really might not be alright. ‘Roo needs help. She is in the bathroom.’ They nodded and sprinted in while Carl tried to find Luther or his grandmother. He found Luke and sent him up before going back up himself. He found Roo being walked in the shower by Shaun and Jatetsu. They were asking quiet questions. Through her silence and crying she eventually said in a voice that broke all of their hearts, ‘They raped her because she looked like me.’

They all looked at each other, not quite sure what was going on but when they got Roo to her room she got her strength back suddenly and opened her laptop and showed them the video. She was watching it herself and the violence made her glaze over before they the computer away from her and Shane spent [RvS47] 5 minutes cleaning the computer of any traces of the link and deleting the email and it’s senders details from the account. Roo was staring ahead with an anger and hate in her eyes they had never seen.

Shane started ‘Baby, you have to get a new email account. I am creating an export of your data to a new provider, a paid for service, I think.’ And Roo started screaming. ‘Don’t you see! We can’t carry on! We just can’t carry on! The wedding’s off.’

Carl’s grandmother walked in and Carl and her conferred in whispers for a while and then she took charge and chased them all out, including Shane who just sat outside the door with Jatetsu and the others for 3 hours, talking about how they had all known something was wrong they hadn’t known what to do. Luther found his centre then insisted they needed tea and cake, and knocked on the door with Shane and Jatetsu, with Carl’s grandmother nodding after opening the door a crack. Anbessa and Beltrano arrived after a text from Luke and admitted that they had known about the video since the day before but had decided it really was not the right time to bring it up. They all admitted that they had seen the video except Shane and Jatetsu and the looked at each other and shook their heads. Robert and Fiona arrived with Curtis after they Carl had given them a desperate call.

Curtis listened and then knocked on the door after taking Roo’s computer from Shane and finding something.

Carl’s grandmother opened the door and looked at Curtis and nodded. Roo was sitting on the bed looking like she had seen a ghost. Curtis sat down next to her and said ‘You know you told me Valarie Cortez is your favourite actress?’ Roo nodded, and eventually mouthed softly the word ‘Beautiful.’

‘Yes. I want you to watch this,’ and he put the laptop on her lap and pressed play.

There was Valarie Cortez smiling, and then there was a slap, and another slap and another slap and it went on and on until her refined face was nothing but an oozing pudding of bruises. There was tagline in Spanish, which Curtis didn’t bother to translate. He then opened another tab and played a video with subtitles where Valarie was talking. ‘I am speaking today in as a video of me has gone viral. I am speaking today because this is the tip of the iceberg. After I saw the video I could not leave my home for a month and cried all the time. Eventually my daughter shouted at me to grow up. I was shocked but eventually understood what she meant. She told me about how I should be grateful it wasn’t more violent and told me of friends of hers who had gotten revenge porn and others who hid bruises they got from their boyfriends from their parents but half flaunted them at school because it meant they were ‘getting some.’ I looked into the statistics of violence in pornography and was horrified that it is over 85% and was shocked to find out that more than a third of downloads are pornography. That the greatest resource on the planet for creating a just and equal world is being used so much to propagandize violence is unacceptable. I am starting a charity here in Brazil to teach children about positive sexuality, and discuss with them why power does matter. Sure, I am still concerned about world hunger, world peace and ecocide, but I’ve realised my daughter’s future love life on the line. Thank you.’The video finished. Curtis was on the phone. Carl’s grandmother curled herself round Roo looking at her until she sat up and looked back at him when he said. ‘Eat your cake. Valarie is going to call you in 10 minutes for a video chat. I’ll leave you alone now. Do you want anyone? They are all outside.’

Roo looked out the window and said ‘Anyone who can not talk but just hang out.’ Curtis nodded and left together with Carl’s grandmother. Roo fiddled with her cake but even though she could smell it was delicious she just played with filling and then made a face when she tasted it. She turned to the tea which was cold but she was suddenly so thirsty she just drank it. She looked wistfully at the door and then went and opened it as people were standing up. ‘Could someone get me some sencha?’ she said horsely before locking eyes with Shane who was looking relieved. Then she looked at Luke but he looked away and she felt a deep oozing of sadness. She felt so dirty that she went back to bed and began crying again. Everyone looked worried and Shane looked at Jatetsu. ‘I ‘ll go in Jatetsu.’ Shane entered and sat next to Roo on the the bed and his arms while she wailed. Curtis came in and started to set up the video chat and explained what was happening to Shane. He looked at Roo and said ‘She’s ready.’ Rood nodded her head and Shane said’ Come and talk to the goddess.’

Jatetsu arrived with Luther in tow and Roo looked sidelong at Luther who was looking directly at her. He said ‘There are many horrors in this world Roo but we need to stick together. I am happy to get married tomorrow. Luke just told me that the kids are flying from Kinshasa tonight so it’s all happening anyway. So it all makes sense.’ Roo looked at Luther directly and he was there looking right in her soul. She got up and hugged him for what seemed like forever, and when their embrace ended she had a weak smile.

Shane beamed at Luther and then they all did the tea ceremony which ended just as the laptop began to ring. Luther kissed Roo on the cheek whispered ‘Got to do some cooking, what do you want?’

‘Potatoes please.’ Roo whispered.

Curtis gestured for Roo to come over.

Shane nodded and said to Valarie ‘I think we are making a unilateral decision without her but how would you like your organisation to be part of the core basics of the tour.’

Valarie was silent for a moment and then laughed and said ‘Well I suppose Brazil can increase its exports. I have a fledgling network of concerned citizens worldwide on a database so we can do some trainings but does it mean we get to have a tour in Brazil,’ she said coyly.

Shaun stared at her and then gathered himself and said, ‘No, sorry we will have to follow procedure but you have until the end of June to organise support and set things up.’

Valarie sighed and then smiled. ‘We will work something out. It was lovely we’ll stay in touch. Stay strong.’

Then Valarie and Roo talked very delicately with each other and then they ended the conversation and Roo closed her computer and lay back. ‘So the weddings on.’ She muttered to herself.

Nature

Roo sat behind a microphone concentrating on nodding and smiling and letting Jatetsu field the questions.

[RvS48] At 9:30 Beltrano came and whispered in Jatetsu’s ear and Jatetsu nodded, finished what he was saying and then closed the press conference down, leaving the stage with Roo.

They got in a big black car and sighed a sigh of relief and let the driver drive them out of London and to a big pile of stone in the countryside. Roo looked at the building when they arrived with that same kind of awe she had at the In and Out. She looked at Beltrano and Anbessa and they seemed excited. Jatetsu on the other hand looked weary and when she asked him what was wrong he said ‘These rocks from the ground are tired of being proud.’ Roo looked at the building and for the first time in her life realised that materials might be more than just dead matter.

She was thoughtful for the rest of the day and distracted enough to be able to smile for the camera. The cameras were mainly on Luther and Carl though and when they said their vows and kissed, the broadcast started winding down. Of course they kept on filming, everything was filmed these days, except for last night’s hallabaloo.

They all got a little tipsy except for Jatetsu though he did seem to find them entertaining when they got drunk. They then eventually found their cars with their bags and the group parted ways, with Shaun, Jatetsu and Roo leaving for the countryside and the others heading back. They had more than enough footage for the next month but Robert had insisted they take a camera with them to the mountains.

When they arrived Jatetsu woke up Roo and Shane and then thanked the driver and started to unpack [RvS49] things. It was late and completely dark but Jatetsu knew his way around and Shane filmed him lighting lanterns which glowed warmly in the house. The house was warm as the medicine woman had already arrived but was sleeping. They had some tea in silence and then Jatetsu checked the fire was out and they said goodnight. Shane looked at Roo and she looked tired so he led her to their bedroom and got her out of her clothes and into bed.

They lay in the darkness which had a hallowness they both weren’t used to and listened to the stillness all around them. They both fell into an incredibly deep sleep with Jatetsu bringing them breakfast and ordering them to spend the day resting. So they did, eventually venturing outside the next morning to practice qigong, with Roo just sceptically watching Shane.

She went in and phoned Luke but he wasn’t answering so she left a message to say she loved him and that the house was off grid so her battery would probably run out. Jatetsu then took them down the track to a little hut which Shane was delighted to find wifi and plugs in. ‘So I can still work! That’s great!’ Jatetsu nodded and then led them back up the hill where the medicine woman was waiting with tea.

They greeted her and she smiled through her wrinkles. She was a very small and compact Chinese woman but she gave them a timetable for the next month of their sessions with her. Jatetsu made noises about not needing any treatments but she waved his concerns away and then took Roo inside to begin.

Roo’s friends had done Chinese medicine before so Roo was expecting to stick out her tongue and hand over her wrist for a pulse diagnosis. The medicine woman just sat there and then asked if she wanted tea. Roo nodded and then smiled. ‘Thanks Dee, that would be great!’ Dee nodded and then disappeared to the outdoors and came back with some herbs about 15 minutes later.

She brewed the tea and then sat down. ‘So tell me what’s been going on with you and then we can do your chart,’ she said in impeccable English.

‘Nothing much,’ Roo said defensively. Dee looked at her intensely and then laughed delightedly and then looked at her with soft eyes. ‘Even I know that’s not quite true dear Roo, and I am attached to the rock I live under. Anyway, let’s do your chart then first.’

Roo nodded a little sheepishly and so they started. As Dee did the calculations Roo started to relax and watched Dee out of the corner of her eyes. Dee was relieved and stopped herself smiling at herself being relieved, but did take a little longer with the chart than normal.

Eventually she looked up. ‘So what do you know about your chart?’ she said leaning back a bit.

‘I know my year. I don’t really like being a horse.’

‘And your element?’

‘As far as I know it’s earth.’

Dee smiled and shook her head. ‘That is your year, you are actually dominated by metal but your lucky element is fire. Do you want me to explain?’ she asked, tilting her head to the side.

Roo made eye contact with Dee for the first time and then looked out the window, feeling surprisingly naked before these wise eyes. She felt a swirl of emotions and then burst out crying, an aching howl of tears and Dee just sat quietly and made some notes. Roo collapsed onto the table and started snivelling and after a time she started to talk and tell her story, right from the beginning. When she got to the end her voice sounded hollow and she seemed wooden. She stopped talking and then just stared ahead.

Dee nodded to herself. She trusts me she thought. Time to start work. She sidled up to Roo, looked at her tongue and face in detail and took her pulse. She asked her questions and got answers, though Roo still seemed to be out of it. Dee got a blanket and put it around Roo’s shoulders and then went to her medicine collection in the room that had been earmarked for treatments and found what she needed. She made a cup of tea for Roo out of various potions and gave her some things to swallow. She then led her to Roo’s bedroom and lay her down after helping her undress.

She then started to do some cupping and before closing the curtain and leaving, making sure there was water for her if she needed it. Roo slept through lunch and woke up just before dinner. She got dressed, drank some water and then staggered out to the kitchen. Dee was dishing up and nodded at her before dishing her a plate of stew and rice.

Shane started to speak but Dee quickly silenced him and they ate in silence. Roo finished and looked at Dee, who had some more herbs and capsules ready. Roo took them and wondered off to brush her teeth. Shane whispered to Dee, ‘Should I stay in the living room?’ and Dee smiled and shook her head. So he excused himself and got ready for bed too. When he got into bed, Roo reached for him and was shaking. ‘So much suffering in the world and I am still concerned with how it affects me.’ Shane kissed her gently and then caressed her breasts. Roo moaned and kissed him back desperately while tears rolled down her cheeks.

She felt him and he was relieved that he was hard at this complicated time. He checked if she was wet and she was, so he ever so gently entered her, just a little, and then stopped. Roo was still crying but she slowly stopped and then Shane kissed her again and move out a little before moving back in a little and again. He kissed Roo’s breasts while he moved gently and then looked at her face, which was still contorted but she managed a watery smile. Shane looked deep into her eyes remembering how crestfallen she had looked when Luke hadn’t.

He contrived to make love to her slowly and gently until her face relaxed and she looked pretty again. Shane stopped, exhausted, though full of tenderness and then laughed realising Dee knew exactly which herbs she had given both of them, before snuggling into Roo’s now sleeping form and telling her about his day in his head until he fell asleep too.

Roo woke up the next morning to Dee knocking on the door. She looked across at Shane and saw he was still sleeping. She found her voice and said, ‘Come in.’ Dee breezed in and checked Roo’s tongue with a torch before handing her a dressing gown and gesturing for her to follow.

Roo felt an ache close to her heart and looked at Dee a little helplessly. Dee put the dressing gown over her shoulders and then led her to the bathroom. Roo went through the motions avoiding her gaze in the mirror and then she locked eyes with herself and noticed for the first time since Saturday that she didn’t look like she might burst out crying without make up. She left the bathroom and Dee was standing there, leading her to the kitchen where she sat down and ate a savoury breakfast after having her pulse checked again.

Jatetsu thanked Dee and started clearing away the dishes after Dee disappeared for a walk. He raised Roo from her daze and had her dry the dishes. Roo moved slowly and when they were done, he led her outside and then made some tea which Dee had instructed him to make.

Roo sat on the wicker chair feeling the chill air but while the tea brewed Jatetsu pointed out the various shades of green now starting to flourish all around them. She drunk the tea and they sat in silence for a while before Roo got up, heading back to bed. Jatetsu stood quickly in front of her and said[RvS50] ‘ No’ and she started crying again clinging to Jatetsu as she thought of all the people in the world having seen the video. Jatetsu held her and then when she stopped crying he righted her upright and said seriously ‘We are only here for a month. We can’t have you getting depressed. We need to get you strong.’

Roo found a chair to hold onto and breathed like Jatetsu had taught her after the video call with Valarie. He went inside and found her the morning herbs and a glass of water.

0 notes

glemmerdash-piecesof8 · 1 year ago

Text

continued....hope are enjoying,Caragh

‘So I wake up like normal everyday and take all the herbs and go to bed early.’

‘And no internet.’

‘No internet?’

No internet, no phone.’

‘What about the others? Shane will update you but only if you ask.’

Roo sat down. ‘No phone, no internet, no electricity for a month. She thought and thought and then remembered how Curtis had said the French theorist he liked only had a landline. She listened to the birds for a long time while Jatetsu did some stretches. Shane came out looking slightly more wild than usual and Jatetsu got him his breakfast, which he ate with gusto, making Jatetsu smile.

He finished and then looked at Roo who had been staring at him on and off for 10 minutes. He smiled, ‘Penny for your thoughts baby.’

Roo leaned back. ‘Jatetsu says no internet and no phone for me.’

‘Mmmmm,’ Shane said, ‘We discussed it and it’s for the best for at least a month. Luther and Luke think so too. And obviously Curtis and Dee think it’s a good idea too.’

Roo nodded.

‘It’s for the best Roo.’

Roo played with the pot plant on the table and said hesitantly, ‘And would you all support me to do it permanently. Like help the kids with homework and do all logistics that involve email. I am happy to just read books and the newspaper if I need to find things out.’

Shane looked thoughtful. ‘I can ask the others, say we do a trial for 6 months and then see how it’s working out practically. How does that sound?’

Roo nodded and Jatetsu beamed and told Dee who was coming back with some winter Jasmine for the table. Dee smiled and then pointed at her wrist,looking [RvS51] at Roo and saying ‘We start in 30 minutes.’ Roo nodded and then Shane dragged her up. ‘Time for qigong.’ And Jatetsu disappeared, leaving her feeling less self-conscious as she copied Shane.

Dee kept her busy the rest of the day and when it started getting dark Shane came back from the shed before having an acupuncture session while the others made dinner. This pattern continued for 10 days, with Roo slowly getting more and more interested in what she was learning.

Dee talked each day about what she needed to know about the people in her life and how best to handle them. She also taught her how to handle them. She also taught her how to do self-massage and explained in detail to her how to manage her herbs. The rest of the time she spent teaching her how to cook.

Roo was feeling better and was realising Dee might be right about the dietary advise she had given and realised she was learning to cook in a way that would make Luke and Luther happy and that made her smile.

After the 10 days she woke up by herself in the morning so Dee made a new timetable and went to another room and came back with a bag of books for Roo.

‘These books are from fans. I want you to read these first,’ she said, putting down a book on permaculture and another on the money supply. ‘By the end of next week we will film you explaining those two books.’

Roo got defiant. ‘And if I don’t?’

‘Jatetsu and I will leave,’ Dee looked right into Roo’s eyes and said, ‘You need to start doing some work.’

Roo tried to be grumpy but she eventually looked at the covers of the books and went to Dee to apologise. Dee looked at her with love and gave her a squeeze. ‘Which one should I start with?’

‘The money supply,’ Dee said firmly. ‘The banks have to stop making money out of thin air,’ and then Dee went for a walk, leaving her stunned[RvS52] .

She went to find Shane in the shed and Shane came out looking slightly weary and then he saw the book. ‘So she’s decided you need to start work then.’ Roo nodded. ‘Yes, we all think that has to become central to our message. They sent us 15 copies so everyone has read it except you.’ Roo looked confused. ‘But we have our issues.’

Shane looked at her a little exasperated, desperate to get back to work. ‘Remember Valarie talking about ecocide law?’ Roo nodded. ‘Well this is as big as ecocide law. It’s our duty Roo. I need to work now, some big names are dropping out because Valarie is involved but there are so many that still want to be involved, it looks like we are going to have to have multiple tours. Thomas is saying we can make a spin off just about the tours. He wants us to have our own international channel called ‘of the birds’, so I am really busy Roo. You need to just read a chapter of each of the books a day and then discuss them naturally with us on camera. You have to do that part Roo. The others are coming to camp on Sunday and you need to be ready by then.’

Roo looked at Shane and her heart sunk as he roughly kissed her and then disappeared back in the shed. She was all alone with the words of a stranger. She sighed and then wondered down to the stream and found somewhere to sit before loosing herself in the scandal that is fiat money.

She had heard some of this before but she had always written it off as a conspiracy theory. She started getting a little hostile and then went back to read the foreword. Yes, it wasn’t even written by a socialist but rather someone who identified as a capitalist but not a neo-capitalist.

The words started pounding in her brain and then she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up, feeling calmer immediately when she realised that it was Jatetsu. He took her hand and they walked up the hill for a silent lunch.

Shane wasn’t there so Jatetsu took him something to eat, leaving Dee and Roo sitting in silence. Dee motioned for Roo’s wrist and she handed it over. Dee checked her pulse and then said ‘One more hour of reading and then you’re with me for the rest of the day.’ Roo nodded looking relieved and then went off to finish the book.

She lay down on a blanket on the grass outside and read about how countries left the gold standard and how it was all downhill from there. They then described how a bank creates money out of thin air by creating a loan.

Roo frowned. She didn’t want to believe this information because it seemed like some huge scam that pretty much everyone she knew had fallen for. Wow, she thought, 97% of new money is created by banks, not the mint.

She put the book down and collected the blanket, letting the wind play with it for a moment as she shook it out.

Inside Dee had some tea ready and she smiled at Roo. She took Roo’s pulse and then smiled. ‘I think we can just do some moxa later, how does that sound?’

Roo nodded. ‘Great. I don’t feel like lying still for the needles.’

Dee started talking about herbs she could grow in the English climate and Roo concentrated as she learnt where to plant them and what to harvest. Roo slumped when she had finished talking and Dee asked what was wrong.

‘It’s just herbs seem so silly to focus on when the others are all off changing the world.’

Dee nodded and poured some tea but was quiet. ‘I know, I know, they can’t do it without me and I need to look after everyone’s health but it just seems like a withdrawal. I should be fighting for the things they are doing, or be writing poetry or something beautiful.’ There was silence for a while and then Dee started talking about how herbalism was under attack from big pharma and that people needed to learn how to heal themselves by tending nature and being less dependent on the psychology of pills. Then she said, ‘Roo, you need to sit at all the press conferences and smile. You are part of a team now - you don’t have to do everything.’ Then she led Roo to the treatment room and did some moxa and let her drift off for a change while she made dinner.

Until the others arrived Roo studied the book on the money supply until she could remember all the concepts and dates and learnt about herbs in the afternoon.

When the others arrived they all gave Roo a hug and then Luther introduced the two kids him and Carl had adopted. They had done a deedpoll [RvS53] for them to change their names and the one had insisted he wanted his English name to be Marvelous, while the little girl had decided on Lily.

They had both decided they wanted to be filmed but so far had been very very quiet according to Luther. When the filming stopped Luther took Roo aside and asked how she was, with the conversation eventually leading to the book. She smiled, ‘I am ready to talk about it now.’

‘Good,’ said Luther, ‘The author is coming tomorrow to be interviewed by you.’

Roo was a little flabbergasted and then remembered Shane had said about work and smiled.

She went to find Luke but he was nowhere to be found so she went and helped set up the campfire before it got too dark and played with the kids with Fiona and Franny.

When they were eating stew that night Franny and Robert and Shane were around her. They seemed to want to talk about something so eventually Roo said ‘So, what’s happening?’

They all looked at each other and smiled. ‘I was talking to the director of the documentary and when he found out I was involved with Pieces of 8 he had an idea.’ Roo nodded and so Robert continued. ‘He wants to incorporate it into the show, but we said we can make it a travel programme and give people pointers of what to do about it, i.e. stop drinking coffee.’

Shane blushed and Robert notices and said ‘Don’t worry mate, we won’t out you. Your stuff is alright.’ They all laughed and Roo was thoughtful. ‘So how would that work with the tour?’

‘Well, we would arrive 2 weeks early and film, you would be there for the opening of the tour and then we would go off filming again and then come back for the end of the tour to close it.’ Roo thought for a while and then asked ‘Could we do a show with Dee and me learning about cooking and herbs and so on too from local people?’ Shane smiled and Robert and Franny conferred and then Robert smiled. ‘I suppose we could have another set of camera people to film you two while we got nature shots. I don’t see the executive producer saying no.’

Shane disappeared to go and find Jatetsu. When they returned, Shane was beaming, they sat down and then Jatetsu started talking about what he had been learning the last two weeks. ‘I have been practising filming and now I feel confident to do it. So I would like to film Roo and Dee talking to locals and learning about herbs.’ Everyone smiled and then they all hugged. ‘It’s going to be great,’ said Shane. Carl appeared with marshmallows and they listened to him tell stories about the kids with such a joyful spirit, they were all infected with his surprising joy.

When the expert arrived the next day Roo was quite nervous but she was ready and had a flask of special tea to drink while they got ready. He was an old man but he was tall and strong so when Jatetsu asked him if he was happy to walk Bob said yes.

So Jatetsu led them through the woods until they arrived at a field of bluebells. It was so unexpected and beautiful it took Roo’s breath away. There was a glade which didn’t have bluebells but you would still be able to see them from the video. Beltrano appeared with chairs, he seemed to have become the master of logistics, while everyone else sat down on blankets.

Jatetsu and Robert fiddled with the camera and then they were ready to start. Jatetsu and Dee prepared some tea in a tea ceremony for everyone and then after some silence they started.

‘Hello Bob, welcome, and thank you for spending time to come and talk to us about the money supply.’

‘Thank you Roo. It’s a pleasure.’

‘So, it’s a big subject, but I am wondering if you could give us some context about how this situation came into being.’

‘Let me tell you a story Roo. About 20 years ago I was happily teaching a seminar to some masters students at a university I was a lecturer at when one of students interrupted me and said ‘Can you explain the money supply please. I have done the whole undergrad and I still haven’t found anything to disprove that banks don’t create money out of debt.’ I hadn’t heard of anything like this before and at the time still thought that only the Bank of England through the Mint created money. This young lad had found out how things work but I didn’t believe him and told him it was a conspiracy theory and after the class told him he needed to see a psychiatrist.

That was the most stupid and cruel thing I ever did. The student stopped attending classes but would submit to me essays, which when I checked the references were true, about how the money supply was getting inflated to an unsustainable level by banks being able to create money when people go into debt. I failed all the essays because they were not answering the briefs of the course and while I did it with relish at the beginning I slowly started to feel like perhaps I needed to sit down and talk to this young man.

I made a note on the last essay for him to come see me but he never came to collect it. In fact he committed suicide after starting a course of antidepressants. The next week after he had committed suicide I received a package from him of books about the money supply, with extensive notes. I was feeling very depressed and was in dire straits, even though whoever I confided in told me the lad was just troubled. I didn’t say anything to anyone about how I was starting to believe what the lad had been saying.

I started contacting the people that had written the books and asked about why this information was underground. I got multiple replies and they all said that because it wasn’t illegal it wasn’t an issue for people and the richest 10% benefit.

After a while I got distracted as I didn’t want to loose my job over this as we were just reaching a point where we would have paid off our house and my wife at the time told me I was loosing my mind.

Then there was the financial crisis in 2008 and they started pumping money into the banks ‘to save them’ and I knew I couldn’t keep quiet anymore.

My wife left me but by then we had become strangers anyway. So I wrote the book and in it I explore how quantitative easing is just rewarding banks for gambling. The really frustrating thing is even MP’s I talk to don’t know how banks create money when they create loans. So now I get people looking at me like I did to that lad 20 years ago but I keep talking in his memory.’

Bob stopped talking and Robert turned off the camera as Bob looked like he needed to lie down. They found him a blanket and a glass of water and then he smiled, brightening after the water, handed back the blanket and said ‘Let us continue.’

So they did and Roo asked many questions, including what happened when the Bretton Woods agreement ran out and how the banks weren’t needing to keep deposits anymore. Then they started talking about how money was increasing inequality and why it was so difficult to buy a house. The conversation wound gently down and then it was time for the picnic.

The rest of the week was much less dry, though everyone had their statistics which they would needle into conversations on camera. Bob had agreed to set up an organisation with Anbessa with Anbessa[RvS54] admitting that he needed a break from sewing - all the clothes he had promised being done.

Luke was being very scarce. Whenever Roo tried to find him or corner him he made quick advances to leave. It made Roo feel low and after the weekend was struggling to get out of bed.

Dee was busy with everyone else but when Shane asked her what might be going on with Roo, Dee suggested he asked. So that afternoon he went back up to the house to find Roo sobbing in the kitchen with Dee. Shane sat down and looked seriously at Roo and asked what was going on.

‘It’s Luke. He just won’t talk to me. I know he is busy but it’s like since seeing the video he doesn’t like me anymore.’

Shane took her in his arms and Dee prepared some tea. Dee mouthed to Shane over Roo’s head ‘Find him’ and Shane nodded, knowing Luke had to be somewhere.

He left Roo in Dee’s capable hands and went to find Luke. He asked the others who were busy learning how to play djembe drums with a visiting expert and they all said no and then Beltrano suggested that Luke may be on the other side of the shed where there was internet.

Shane started running there and then speed walking when his body started moaning. Must do some cardio, he thought to himself. He got to the shed panting and then felt an uneasy feeling. He went round the back tentatively and found Luke hunched over his laptop with earphones in. Luke looked up and straight away closed his laptop. He started standing up and packing away his laptop and saying he needed to go. Shane walked up to Luke in his sweaty state and firmly put his hand on his shoulder and then started talking about Roo while holding onto Luke, who deflated as he spoke.

Luke sat down and looked like he was going to cry so Shane sat down too. ‘I have been haunted by the videos and there are more now. I should have predicted this would happen and told Roo. I have let her down so much. And she has you now and Dee says she’s not supposed to sleep with anyone else for a few months which means I don’t know how to make it up to you. I feel like I have betrayed her.’ And a tear rolled down from Luke’s left eye before he buried his face in his hand.

Shane waited for a while and then said, ‘You need to talk to her.’ Luke looked up and nodded and then stood up and followed Shane when he said ‘come’.

They got to the house and Roo was sitting outside staring listlessly into the middle distance. She looked up and her eyes and face went through myriad emotions before looking away and down at the ground. Luke looked at Shane who nodded and then went inside, leaving Luke to go to Roo and Luke took her hand.

‘I am so sorry I have been avoiding you. It’s no excuse but I have been feeling terrible about not predicting this or being able to protect you.’

Roo looked up and then gave Luke a big hug and said, ‘Don’t let that bother you please. Let’s just talk and walk,’ and so they did.

As they came back to the house Roo asked him if she could spend the night with him. Luke shook his head. ‘Love, Dee told us she thinks you need to be just with Shane for a few months, until some time has passed. We all agreed that is the best thing too. It will help the rest of us get to know each other and focus on our projects.’

Roo sat down on a nearby rock and tried to calm herself down. Emotions were flying all over the place but she did the deep breathing again and then felt a wave of peace wash over her. She looked up at Luke and said, ‘I will miss you but if it means in the long term my life is less complicated I suppose it makes sense. I can focus on learning how to handle the chaos and the kids. We really are one big team aren’t we’. She said thoughtfully.

Luke nodded and helped her up and then they went to help chop vegetables in the kitchen. Robert rushed in about an hour later just as they were tidying up with a big grin on his face. ‘Mongolia has said we can get married there.’

Everyone who was helping in the kitchen looked at him and he brushed his hair from his face and got a goofy smile on his lips. ‘I mean Roo and the others!’

There was a lot of whooping and hugging and they went to find the rest of the gang, with Luther and Carl talking about organising to divorce, which had been the plan all along if things worked out.

Jatetsu found some bottles of mead and they all toasted to success and the future, taking turns at trying to make Roo blush on camera with about half of them succeeding magnificently. The kids eventually were put to bed but everyone else was too excited to sleep so they stayed up all night around the fire and watched the sunrise before people drifted off to sleep or start working on preparations, depending how energised they felt.

Luther sat watching the embers of the fire until the kids woke up and had their breakfast and smiled constantly for the next week, singing at every opportunity and generally being delighted and whenever people looked at him askance he would just say ‘We are so blessed!’ and even when the paparazzi arrived after having done some sleuthing he just beamed at them, after getting the kids away, and talked to them and joked with them until they left feeling bemused or mesmerized or both and with signed copies of Luther’s book called ‘Continent power or how Africa subsidises the rest of the planet’, which some of them were actually considering reading.

A few days later when they all decamped and travelled home Anbessa broke his near constant silence and started describing the wedding dress he had been working on for Roo. He seemed to be convinced that the best place to get married was on a steppe somewhere with the wind howling around making it seem like a home video.

Jatetsu agreed with the idea and by the time they got home had convinced the others in their car it was the right thing to do, and by the evening it was all set to get married at the next full moon on a steppe. Shane went to sleep that night in Roo’s room, which would be his bed for the next few months though the next morning they moved to Shane’s room as it was more out of the way and it had vinyls.

Shane woke the next morning to see Roo watching him, before disappearing to get coffee for both of them. Shane was relieved about the wedding but since the kids had arrived he had begun to feel more and more like it was just him carrying the tour as Carl was completely distracted.

After breakfast he asked Roo to come with to say goodbye to the artists and Robert tagged along with the camera. When they got to the studios they knocked and Jerome answered the door with a shy smile and then led them into the space which had been totally transformed since they had been away.

The white wall of the building had been painted a dark blue with one wall of burnt orange in the middle. The floor looked like sand and the curtains were a glowing green you could see through. It was strong [RvS55] but warm and the furniture and desks were a mix of old purple armchairs and sleek white desks. But what made the space were the beautiful sculptures dotted around and the paintings. Jerome led them through the now office to see the board room and then the private offices and as Shane started to actually thank him, dragged him away to show him one last thing. It was a baby recording studio, kitted out with equipment Shane knew would blow most engineers [RvS56] minds away.

Jerome then handed over the set of keys and said, ‘If you don’t mind, I would like to do your creative direction and run the creative portion of the tour. If that’s alright with you I’ll see you Mondays to Wednesdays.’ Shane just looked at him and the keys and then gave Jerome a big awkward hug. ‘It will be great to have you stick around my friend,’ he said with a grin. ‘Thank you so much!’

Shane went and sat in his office while Roo went to get the others and his laptop and spoke earnestly to the camera about the tour and the detail they needed people to do. When he was done Robert put the camera down and said, ‘ We’ll broadcast that before we announce about the wedding. I’ll go edit it now and sneak it in somewhere. I’ll also send you a copy to upload to the website. I still can’t believe we are staying. The experiment is already more interesting than I ever imagined.’

That afternoon Roo was sitting with Lily and Marvelous drawing. Marvelous was complaining about being back in the city. ‘What are you missing most,is it about the mountains?’

‘Well, we can’t go and play except in the garden and, and…’ He looked off into the sky and then locked eyes with Roo and said, ‘The stars. Last night I was looking at the sky through my window when I couldn’t sleep and there were no stars.’

Marvelous seemed so sad in his 6 year old body Roo knew she had to think of something to do but she didn’t know. She looked at Lily who at 5 was making kaleidoscope shapes out of paper.

So she decided to tell a story. ‘Once upon a time there was a family living by a big stream. It was a beautiful place to live, but one day there was a big flood. So the family had to leave their house as it was destroyed.

They moved to the city where everyone was busy and there was no stream to miss. But the children were talking and realised that the thing they missed most was the stars.’

Lily nodded, ‘The stars are different every day.’

‘Yes, they are Lily. So what do you think the children did?’

‘They cried,’ said Marvelous.

‘They ran away,’ said Lily, ‘but then their parents found them.’

‘And then?’ asked Roo, her heart swelling with painful love.

‘I know!’ said Marvelous, ‘They made stars like Lily except they made them to cover the windows.’

‘Yes they did, do you know I am trying to make?’

‘What M..M..Mom?’ said Lily shyly.

‘Yes, what Mom,’ said Marvelous beaming and full of excitement.

‘I am going to take these big bits of dark blue paper and cut stars out of them to put on windows so I know the starss are still there for me. Do you want to help me?’

‘Yes! Can we make some for us as well?’ Marvelous asked with Lily nodding.

‘Well I though we can practice but do you both want them?’ They both nodded and then Lily lifted one of her creations.

‘And these too for me,’ she said with her lisp.

‘Alright, let’s make them!’ And Marvelous came up and gave Roo a nervous but love filled hug and Roo hugged back with Lily running in to join.

Before dinner Roo was standing on a chair with blu tack, sticking their creations on the windows. She finished and got down being greeted by a delighted Marvelous and then got led by the hand by Lily to Lily’s room.

When Lily’s tapestry of shapes was finished there was a gold star left over cut in painstakingly creative detail.

‘And this one? It’s your favourite.’

Lily put her finger in her mouth and pointed at Roo. She took her finger out and then motioned to Roo to come down so she could whisper in her ear and said, ‘It’s for your room,’ and then laughed delightedly and hid behind the bed with Roo following her and saying ‘For me? Who is the most lovely person in this room?’ And Lily put up her hand with a grin and Roo sat next to her and started tickling her delighted daughter before being dragged to her room by both the children, Marvelous having appeared at the peals of laughter, where they all helped to decide where the start would go eventually realising the window really was the best place.

When they walked down to dinner, Lily asked quietly, ‘And our other brother and sister?’

‘We can make for them when they arrive to welcome them. How does that sound.’

‘Marvelous,’ said Marvelous throwing his arms in the air and dancing around with a naughty grin on his face and Lily threw her arms in the air too and said, ‘And then the wedding!’ and she clapped her hands and bounced on the spot.

That weekend they made a fire outside for the children and sang camp songs which Shane knew until the children were so tired they had to be carried to bed, with them both chiming ‘Goodnight moon! Goodnight stars!’

[1] prayer beads

[2] conch trumpet

1 note · View note