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Guess who's starting out college today? YEP, ME. Can I get a good luck from any of you? no? okay lol

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one more week 'till I move out of the house. College life's fast approaching. 

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bc the last upload had a mistake on it 

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"A FAILURE ISN'T TRULY A FAILURE UNTIL YOU QUIT TRYING"

Ever since I was a kid, I've always dreamed of getting into this prestigious university far from my town. It was like this university was where my heart was and I haven't even stepped high school yet. 

Years passed by and I was finally a high school Senior. By that time, I've had everything planned. What course I want to take, which university I want to be in. And this university was all I had in mind. But you don't get the things you want so easily. Getting in this university was definitely a roller coaster ride.

My father who has always been overly protective of us wasn't in favor of my dream. In fact, just bringing up the topic would get the both of us in a big argument. I almost even asked a calm conversation regarding the matter as a birthday present but I was afraid it'd ruin the day so just like Fat Amy wanting to try Meth, I also thought "Hmm.. Better not" -- But I did ask him if I could just take the admission test. Just give me a chance to see what it feels like finally taking that one step in getting into the university you've been dreaming for almost your whole life. He agreed. 

So I did.

Days, weeks, months passed. A week before the release of the results, my prayers were harder than ever. I was in the adoration chapel of our church every day, talking to God, asking His will on this. Finally, the results came,Almost everyone who took the test in my class wanted to be in that same university as much as I did. Maybe not as much, but it was also their dream. The day the results were out, as I came in the classroom, people were a little frustrated. Most of the people in my class didn't pass and me? Well, I refused to check the results in school. Told them, I'd do it when I get home.

When I got home, I calmed myself for hours and when I've finally pulled my shit together, I called my aunt in the office (as I have promised to wait for her before I check the results but I couldn't wait much longer) and I logged my applicant number in the results site.

And this is the part where everything shuts down like a mobile phone tired from all the music you've listened to, games you've played and phone calls you've made. I was sobbing, my parents were just there staring at me sympathetically. But I couldn't blame them, they weren't any good at comforting. But it's not an issue. My mom got me a glass of water and I had to end the call because I couldn't talk anymore because my sobs were doing the talking for me. 

I could've been done the moment I saw the "Did Not Qualify" -- By done, I mean, with my dream of getting into that university. But I felt like it wasn't the end of it all, was it? It can't be. 

OKAY, I'M A LITTLE SLEEPY. I'LL CONTINUE THIS TOMORROW EVEN IF NO ONE'S ACTUALLY READING IT LOL BUT REALLY, THIS IS MY STORY AND IT'S LEGIT 

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so many things to countdown to

1.) Christmas break - 2 weeks from now. Oh gosh. Too excited for it. Sadly, though, we'll be taking our 3rd quarter finals before the day of the Christmas break. It sucks 'cause of the tight schedule. Like, the time gap given between the mid-terms and the finals is only 2 weeks. But that means we could finish the quarters early enough to start a new one and the school would schedule an early summer vacation. 2.) Christmas - 21 days. I have been counting down since the 100th. I feel like I'm more excited than a 5-year-old or just as excited. It's just my favorite season of the year and I love looking at Christmas decorations it makes my day.  3.) ET Results - 41 days (probably) and 55 days. My ET results are important. It's worth counting down but would be very disappointing if I fail even just one. The one I'm aiming for is the 55 days one. If I don't pass that university, I don't know how much depression I'm going to go through. Wouldn't you feel super down if you fail the entrance exam of the university you've been dreaming to study in since you were, like, 8? That is why this is so important to me.  4.) Graduation - 3 months. I'm finally graduating High School! I would definitely be on culture shock once I enter college especially that I've only attended one school for 10 years straight.  5.) COLLEGE -  6 months. half a year from now. My height isn't even for a High School student. That's just sad. 

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hi guys! I noticed I've gained some followers. Just to inform you guys, this isn't a regularly updated blog. You see, this is a personal blog and I rant and post some GIFs I make here. I rant here because I'd rather have people I don't even know read my life story than the gossipy bitches at my school who spills shits they've eavesdropped. I post some relatable posts, GIFs I felt like making and some funny things I screen captioned, took photo of, photoshopped (etc) that I thought I should share with the world wide web...  Yeah, that's all. Thanks for following me! PS: I go dramatic sometimes, check the tags. ;)  

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People know me as someone who don't give a gram of fuck on grades. It's the last thing I will be giving a darn on...That is how they know me. Like, whenever I get academic warnings or a low grade, I would just laugh it off and would just make a joke about it. But what they don't know is that things get different when I get home. I would always question God "why wasn't I born with a brain like the honor students in my class? My brain is not capable of this." and I would always cry about it. Because no one knows how much this hurts for me and I'm not the type of person who wants to show people I'm crying, I don't want to be surrounded by people on my seat trying to comfort me, trying to tell me "It's going to be fine, everything's going to be all right, there's always a next time." I am a failure and even though my parents NEVER, never in my life pressured me on getting good grades I still want to make them proud. I want them to magnet my report card on our fridge and not hide it with the bills. In that triangle when you have to choose only 2, I have nothing. LOOKS, BRAINS, MONEY. nothing. We're not rich. If I had looks and money, then cool. But as for my personal career, those two wouldn't get me anywhere. I have neither of the two and I am not even fishing for compliments right now. If I had brains and money then that's nice. I may not have looks but at least I've got brains plus money, I could take myself anywhere. If I had the Looks and Brains then I guess that's going to be the perfect one. I mean, I may not have money, but I really don't have to worry about that since I could just apply for scholarships and get myself a wonderful job and earn a salary that my family and I could depend on, not to mention I'm good looking. But I have nothing from the three. 

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"Lord, please refrain her from getting scared to tell someone how she feels about them, because that's really childish." 

These were nearly the exact words the guy I like said during a one-on-one open forum during our retreat. I've mentioned to him that I used to be straightforward about my feelings when I was in grade school, I even wrote a 'love note' to my crush when I was in fourth grade but the next thing I know, he would distance himself from me as best as he could. But what really made me stop from being so straightforward was when I was in 6th grade. I was way too infatuated, that this guy I like (not the one from 4th grade) had to tell my friend so that she'll tell me that he has gotten himself a girlfriend already even though the whole school know damn well that he never had successful courtships. My friend and I both knew it was to get rid of me. I sent him Facebook requests for about 5 times, all were rejected and I even heard he would get pissed off every time they tease me to him, I guess that's how much he despised me. For almost a year, I didn't like any guy. Obviously because I became wary about the last one. Along came the closest guy friend I've ever been friends with. He's the guy who quoted that one above, he knows a lot about me. From the kind of foods I eat to all the guys I liked from Kinder to 6th grade. I didn't tell him about the guy I like when I was in second year until now because that happens to be him; that coming from him is a little awkward.  But of course, there's a catch and there will always be. I wouldn't even be able to tell him how I feel because first and foremost, he loves somebody else and this somebody loves him too. They're not together but everyone, including me knows they're getting there and of course, I have to respect that. Besides, she's smart and she's like a Victoria's Secret model plus she's super nice, but a little, just a little, clingy. But who cares? At least she's really nice and NOT a stuck up. Second, I wouldn't want a line between the two of us (the boy). Because whatever happens, when you tell someone you like them and they don't happen to feel the same way, things will get really awkward. As for my feelings, it's something that I have to keep to myself in respect to the lovebirds. Is it hard? Yes. I always struggle on how to keep it, like a fart. It's something you can only let out only with yourself around or the people you are very close to.   

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