glitterybutterflydisaster - Tumblr blog

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a lot of children - especially mentally ill children - end up traumatized not because someone was specifically hurting them but because their needs weren’t being met, or because their problems weren’t being seen, or because they were rendered particularly vulnerable by other aspects of their identity, like queerness or race. 

and it can be hard to look at your childhood and go “I was hurt” and also know that the hurt wasn’t deliberate. it’s uniquely painful to not have someone to blame. 

you do not have to excuse the people who hurt you, even if it was unintentional. & acknowledging your own pain does not necessarily entail blaming them for it.

you are allowed to do what you need to do in order to recover. 

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I feel like the trauma of my early life has made the more recent years seem less memorable

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1 decade

It’s been one decade since I started high school and marching band and thinking about all the shit that has happened is wild. 

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Demisexual

I exaggerated my sexual relationship in college because I didn’t want anyone to know I didn’t like sex or want sex. But people thought I lied because I was embarrassed because I hadn’t done anything. It was offered and available I just have never wanted sex except with the people I loved. 

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Time

I truly didn’t think I would make it this far in life I didn’t think I would make it to college let alone past it. Not just because of suicidal thoughts and impulses but I always felt super expendable. 

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Lies of Omission

I left out so much of old relationships to my best friend because I didn’t want her to be involved or actually commit murder but now that I want to talk about it years later, I can’t. At least, not without admitting a lot of shit. 

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Closure

i truly feel like with 90% of my relationships that no longer exist I have had no closure and likely will never have closure. Does anyone know how to get it? 

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I’m back maybe

I am thinking about posting back in this space as a way to vent because no one really knows it is connected to me. 

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So....

I may be not the world’s greatest person but I am polite and considerate to all and upfront about the shit. Karma should be better to me

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Things I have a problem with

1. People complaining about their relationship all the time but not fixing it or breaking up.

2. People who are so deluded to think that one person they don’t like is the cause of everything slightly inconvenient. 

3. Essays that could have been 10 pages but need to be 12 not including footnotes.

4. Dress Rehersals for a concert no one is prepared for the because the conductor never went through all the way through the songs all semester but it is still the players fault. 

5. Most things really

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I genuinely do not mind my roommate’s boyfriend. I mind that he is here 6 hours a day and that half of that time they are in a fight and not speaking

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Life Really Sucks

Life really sucks and it’s hard and I think I don’t want to be a person anymore?

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January 1st

Grandfather hospitalized. Already letting me down 2016.

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Pay attention to whom your energy increases and decreases around, because that’s the universe giving you a hint of who you should embrace or stray from.

(via dahlia–noir)

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