glizzyrdire

[glizzyrdire]

i paint myself as a figure of complete mindless agreement

[glizzyrdire]

i always need someone to tell me or give permission to do something. it is because i need input so i will not be judged after. but then there are so many things to critique about me anyways. i will always be living wrong

[glizzyrdire]

dog or a vape or a blade or a blonde britney balayage blowout

[glizzyrdire]

ohh yes the burn it feels soo good!!

[glizzyrdire]

for when i listen to my singing voice i feel content and in peaceful solitude

[glizzyrdire]

what i know

they are always talking about my body

everyone is significantly not fond of me

i am eternally insecure for my past present and future . things will always be brought up . i fear uncertainty in my identity but it is all i am

[glizzyrdire]

i admire the sound of my drowning. a wave crashing over your head. muted water clogging your ears for brief moments before erupting into air. you hear your gasp for breath through swelling noise. dramatic; bars of quarter-rests, halfs, wholes. you don't think about it. spinning and desperate to avoid hard sand.

[glizzyrdire]

my mind gets filled with images feelings and consequences and i think about it every day. yes. and i really feel like i cant do anyrhing about it

[glizzyrdire]

this is so fucking gay . i am not fucking living or fucntioning lol . and i dk who to talk to . yes i think about it i dig my nails in and then i see the blood…today i regretted it . i want a brownie lol. i was thinking about it violently . i think if i lived alone never surveilled i would bleed myself out. drink

[glizzyrdire]

ok maybe hwen things make my want to cut myself it mean they are not great

[glizzyrdire]

return to myself, feel something, i have free will, today is significant now.

[glizzyrdire]

and that respect as a person before i feel like i didnt get to have that and i told myself its because i was not real im living passive but i can learn that it was okay and i have free will now

[glizzyrdire]

and when will i make an impact

[glizzyrdire]

i hate being human i hate having a consciousness and making mistakes and not being able to articulate whats on my mind even if theres anything going on in there i hate being alone w my rhoughts and i hate that i cant really get close or along with other people i swear there is something wrong with me that i just come off as not enough

[glizzyrdire]

shit happened to me not excuse for my failures

[glizzyrdire]

dysphoria… i usppose its not exactly me not recognizing myself anymore. over the few years blah blah i look at myself and instead i am disappointed. and i should change that. i will change myself to the point where i am not disappointed in thr person who i recognize is myself. truthfully i dont think i am my potential. i am what i am already. if i really want to i will change myself. it can happen.

[glizzyrdire]

is 2am i keep waking up feeling like i need to hurl so i got up but rn im tryna make it go the other end desperately