gloxerynizzdedd

[gloxerynizzdedd]

hi

first of all, wishing y'all a very happy new year. i do so almost every year but this time it literally just slipped from my mind. the year's new but everything is still the same. i stopped posting a while ago and dropped lookism (for the time being ofc, i wanna pick it up again but i just don't know how) there's been a lot on my plate recently. actually a lot for me to handle. ik i always say that but it just keeps getting worse. a lot happened in '24 that i must say that it has been a long year. i started at a new place, met a lot of people, made so many memories, good and bad. I've never been very outgoing but this year i tried to be something different and it sure did cost me a lot. i now have this weird anxiety and have no clue about it. it just... happens. one moment I'm fine and chilling and the other I'm not able to breath at all. this is very weird and i still don't know what causes it. and the worst part is that it takes so much time to get back to normal. i don't have any energy or will left afterwards. i just feel so suffocated. its been like this for a while now. i feel so overwhelmed at times. i do have people, i have my Tumblr i have everything but i still feel that this burden is all mine to bear. I'm always keeping things from people and from myself and i don't know how to get better or deal with it at all. I'm so sorry but today as well, at this very moment, I'm feeling the same way. this overwhelming feeling takes over me and i don't know what to do at all. i don't even know why I'm writing it all here instead of my notes app. maybe cuz i desperately need help but at the same time i refuse to ask for it. i wish to be understood but i don't wanna explain myself. i need to be heard without speaking at all. I'm honestly so sick of myself and tbh anyone who's reading it would be sick of me too. i ask for help, i get it but i still refuse to accept it. it's all so paradoxical and confusing. i really want things but i still refuse to accept when it comes to me. or maybe i realise that I didn't want anything to begin with. but at the same time i feel that i never really get anything that i truly want. see, confusing. i don't what's happening anymore. i just wish that time stop for a while. i want to catch a breath. i need a break honestly and due to this I've been shutting myself for a while now. i don't have the energy to deal with things at all. I'm honestly so tired. but i just can't catch a break.

I'm so sorry to rant once again while not posting anything at all but i swear I'll start posting once it's all over. please bear with me T-T also, thanks a lot if someone read it all, i really appreciate your patience haha. thank y'all for always being there for me. i always feel at home here. Tumblr has always been my safe place and it's all thanks to you guys :)))

oh and btw please let me know your opinions on friends with benefits and the whole concept of casual sex. very random ik but I'd love to hear about it.

thank you so much <3 Happy New year

[gloxerynizzdedd]

Goo if he got to visit Gun in prison

this is the reason why gun didn't allow visitors

[gloxerynizzdedd]

that one ptj interview has finally come to fruition !

[gloxerynizzdedd]

EXACTLY, I WAS THINKING THE SAME. his death didn't make sense. ofcourse we're either getting a second body or the person who died wasn't really Charles. the latest chapters just left me with more questions than answers.

Slight lookism spoilers

How many of you guys bet that CC has a second body but he's just not revealed to us yet? Because his death just seems quite abrupt to me

[gloxerynizzdedd]

FUVK TAEJIN CHEON

[gloxerynizzdedd]

i just had a thought, the emotion closest to death is love. how? because it's unique to everyone just how death is. death is something you can't experience through one's words alone, everyone has a different opinion about it. it's feared by everyone yet one way or other we crave it as well. same goes for love. there have been many a poets, many a writers trying to describe their opinion on love yet it's not satisfactory enough. a part of me, no matter how much i read about love, craves to experience it myself. I'm aware of how painful and agonizing it is, whether it be love or death.

yet i want to see it myself

[gloxerynizzdedd]

gapryong... you might be a stupid whore who caused a series of unfortunate events but you also created two of the most objectifable sexualisable fetishisable men who have walked this earth and that is a slay on your part, unfortunately

[gloxerynizzdedd]

lookism inherently being a tragedy is so dear to me.

the existence of good people who will do good unconditionally (sinu, seongji, daniel's mom, vin's mom) wasn't enough to offset the evil that had corroded their surroundings, their kindness didn't save anyone they wished to protect not because it wasn't enough but because they were doomed from the beginning to fail, and thus fuel their beloveds' rise to infallibility.

that post which goes "the love was there. it didn’t change anything. it didn’t save anyone. there were just too many forces against it" , but lookism.

sinu choosing to help johan only for johan to lose everything eventually. jake choosing to spare olly the torment of living like a thug only for olly to perish more painfully. eli choosing to leave hostel only to end up becoming like the very man he despised, upon his return. seongji rejecting james' proposal to become a part of charles' grand design because he never wanted his kids and those of others to be brought to harm only for vin to end up becoming a murderer. gun choosing loyalty over his closest friendship only to embark on the path of complete, irreversible annihilation and being the only one who survives as everything he holds dear turns to stone...

the tragedy occurs because the person making the choice has been doomed from the very start. it matters not how much they loved because their love was never meant to endure.

every choice they made is irrevocably wrong but ultimately made out of love. these are unfixable mistakes but they happened only because someone cared too much.

[gloxerynizzdedd]

idk i feel so fucking useless today

i mean the people my age have so much shit to do. they're out there hunting for jobs and and some even HAVE JOBS. THEYRE LEGIT WORKING (even tho their parents are the ones paying the bills and fees and basically all their living expenses) i don't think i need to work but seeing them, I WANNA DO SOMETHING TOO but i think Im gonna be the most talentless bitch you'll ever meet (yeah I'm a mid at whatever i do, not even a mid sometimes)

sorry:')

[gloxerynizzdedd]

LOOKISM 475

THIS JJK MEME 😭

😭😭😭😭😭

also, WHERE THE FUCK IS VIN?!?!!!

[gloxerynizzdedd]

Goo in the latest episode is me when I'm on my period

[gloxerynizzdedd]

LOOKISM 473

Bro just ruined his whole family WTF. And lmao for a second i thought he's Eugene.

Hey but his uniform looks similar to eugene's so he might go to THAT particular school (no wonder why he's like this)

FIRST FOETUS GUN AND NOW HIM WE'RE WINNING

[gloxerynizzdedd]

graduated from the university of servington with a PhD in cuntology and an additional concentration on OUTSERVING, OUTSLAYING and OUTLIVING allied.

[gloxerynizzdedd]

NONONONONOPLEASENO

the last time someone smiled this pretty they died so

[gloxerynizzdedd]

i love unrequited love, i love blind devotion, i love guard dogs. i love being desperately obsessed with the object of your affections. i love when devotion rots into cruelty, i love when love doesn't know any better, i love when love is ugly. i love defanging and declawing yourself just to be loved. i love when a character will wait for the next time they will be loved like a bird or a dog at their beloved’s door. i love when love is insanity and by the LORD do i love betting on losing dogs

[gloxerynizzdedd]

if i had a nickel for every time someone jake loves got brainwashed into loathing him and recovered their memories only after brutally wounding him, i would have two nickels. which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it has happened twice.