goat-moth-thing

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weird to think that i was frequently getting called slurs (faggot, retard, etc) for years and just. don't remember most of it because i didn't know what those words meant until i figured it out when i was 15

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what do you mean you're upset because there's no nonbinary option? didn't you sign up for that? didn't you choose that for yourself? maybe people would be more understanding if you chose to be a normal gender. didn't you know you'd be treated this way before you chose this? why are you so upset? you can't expect cis people to understand. you can't expect cis lgbt people to understand. you can't expect other trans people to understand. it's just so hard to understand. why do you care so much? just use your agab. just use the opposite of your agab. why are you yelling? why are you being hysterical? why are you being aggressive? what's wrong with you? didn't you expect this?

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what an interesting way to complain about trans men (rightfully) calling people out when people weaponize their gender against them. i have never once seen this take place but i have seen people claim trans men talking about their experiences is "misgendering themselves". interesting that.

it's almost like the majority of the time the accusation of misgendering oneself is to avoid the uncomfortable reality that trans people are often not seen as the gender we are. to avoid the idea that regardless of what direction we're going we often face exclusion and misgendering and malgendering, from cis and trans people alike.

we spend all this time comparing how bad we both* have it, how one group must have it worse than the other, how what we face is all truly equal. it doesn't matter. it doesn't matter if they're equal or not, we are all discriminated against and we all need to fight for ourselves and eachother.

the point of this post got away from me a bit. what i'm trying to say is that this is a disgusting misinterpretation of what transmascs are saying, and i only mention the rest because this sort of misinterpretation is more common among those who believe transfems are more oppressed than transmascs

*note: the discourse functions only in the framework of transmasc and transfem, ignoring identities outside of that)

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don't see what this has to do with nonbinary people to be quite honest

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something that I think might be missing a bit from discussions about transandrophobia (specifically when it comes to saying that it's just transphobia/misogyny, or that the only oppression trans guys face is being erased or infantilised) is that this literally is not the case for a lot of trans guys. transphobes do not see me as a "soft feminine confused stolen daughter", they see me as a predator trying to take their daughters from them. I am harassed and threatened out of the women's restrooms I'm forced in to, they think my testosterone makes me angry and violent, they think I am converting their "daughters" to transgenderism, they think I'm transitioning to perv on their sons. it's important to talk about the harm that invisibility and infantilization causes, but do not act like the oppression that trans men face stops there.

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It is so frustrating to know what it's like to pass as a cis man in a male-dominated field, and see all these experiences of highly privileged trans men in these same fields propped up as the standard.

There is this odd phenomenon where being a transmasculinized individual one is faced with an array of exceptional examples of those like us, while being told these examples actually represent all of us. These examples are supposed to be saying something important about all of us.

Every narrative I was fed as a baby trans, was of exceptional trans men who could only talk about how much better people treated them. Being cis passing and indistinguishable from a cis man was the standard back then in 2016 when I originally came out, and remains as such today. It is disheartening to see that people have no issue with enforcing that expectation, even if "gender liberation" is supposedly important to them.

So to be a boyfaliure, a faggot, someone who faces open discrimination and gender questioning even when I can pass as being plausibly cis, someone who is talked over even when I am seen to be a man with expertise in my field... suddenly Devon Price is the standard I've simply failed to live up to. Even worse for non-white trans men who're made to feel they failed to live up to this white ideal of transmasculinity. When normative and gender conforming trans men write articles about their improved lives, better wages, endless opportunities, they receive an outpouring of support from those who wish to stroke a cisnormative image of transgender existence.

The stories from people like me, they don't feel good to read, they don't let the reader sit back and pat themselves on the back for seeing trans men as "real men" without any challenge to their preconceived notions of manhood (in this case, being a "real man" is being privileged, cis passing, and often stealth with a successful career).

For a reader who feels too challenged, these things are easy to dismiss. Perhaps the transmasc in question is simply "early in transition." If we aren't, then maybe he's just not trying hard enough. Even if "trying hard enough" is a transmedicalist and cisnormative standard which is unfair to apply to trans people, the speaker is simply lying. If they're not they're an outlier- and if they're not, then they are still somehow unimportant. It has to be okay to write transmasculine oppression off as a phase, (or as not having ever existed at all) otherwise it would mean accepting that manhood can't save one from discrimination. It would mean that trans gender doesn't map onto cis gender cleanly and neatly, that old models cannot be recycled to include all of us.

It is very easy to accept that a transmasculine transition ends in privilege and opportunity, after all, the only reason a woman would ever want to be a man is to gain privilege... right? The only trustworthy trans men, well they will tell you stories of their vast wealth of privilege after all.

By these mechanisms, erasure by exceptionalism is reinforced.

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it's kind of a you problem if you read "this is a problem that also affects me" and assume it to mean "i only care about this problem because it affects me. i would not care if it only affected you"

i've seen this a lot more often in reference to anti-trans legislature recently. people acting as though only trans women will be affected by it and then getting mad at trans men and nonbinary people for daring to mention we're also negatively impacted by it

can we just have a community please. i want a community. can we not fight over who has it worse all the time and just give eachother support

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Seeing shit that completely rewrites recent online trans history makes me so frustrated because I was there!!!!!!

Like what do you mean "theyfab was coined by frustrated transfems to express their frustration with transmisogynist nonbinary people"???? I was literally getting called a transtrender theyfab by 4channers as a 15 year old in 2013 because I was a feminine nonbinary kid with a dyed undercut??? In 2016 I was a shithead 18 year old that hated itself and was calling other trans people transtrender theyfabs to try and validate myself????????

It's literally a term born out of misogyny and the idea that feminine nonbinary people who were afab are faking being trans???????????

I didn't escape the depths of 2010's transmedicalism in my early 20's and start dedicating my time towards trying to repair the damage I and others caused just for y'all to completely rewrite that history to try and justify your own hatred of other trans people 😭

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the reason why you see more detrans women then detrans men is because they are funded and pushed by the right and their white feminity and victimhood is being used to push a white supremacist, misogynist and anti-reproductive rights narrative btw. not because ftms actually regret their transitions more. btw.

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for the longest time, i had a vague understanding of the oppression of transmasculine oppression. i had heard many stories, of people forced to detransition or infinitely delay transition for their partners, of people being told that T would ruin their feminine body, make them aggressive, that they were too young or just confused or even indoctrinated by the internet.

i heard stories of people unable to access important healthcare, people being abused and mistreated by doctors, people trying to look for community and finding that nobody wants them. the women that used to be their friends are now wary around them and men do not view them as equals.

i had no words for any of this, to me it all seemed like personal stories that sometimes shared themes. i'm sure if you go on the ftm subreddit right now you'll see at least one of the things i mentioned. but there was no word. and without a word these things are harder to recognize for what they are.

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maybe don't tell trans women to kill themselves

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extremely annoying how binary trans people closeting themselves is seen as a depressing but necessary thing that is deeply unpleasant for the person doing, but when a nonbinary person closets themself they're viewed as "weaponizing their agab" because some people can't conceptualize nonbinary people as anything other than cis people with quirky names and pronouns trying to "gain clout" by pretending to be trans

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if i have you blocked, don't take it too personally. i'm trying to get less discourse posts on my dash and sometimes that involves blocking people i agree with solely because they post too much about discourse and it stresses me out. that's all

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THANK YOU, SERANO

[x]

trans people are not the oppressor. neither trans men nor trans women. trans men do not become oppressors because they're men and trans women are not oppressors because they were assigned male at birth.

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i genuinely think cissexual COULD be useful to discuss differences in people who do and don't medically transition, but the problems come in when people start *assuming* when other people are cissexual or not. you cannot tell just by looking how long someone has been on hrt, or what surgeries they have or haven't gotten

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really wish my girlfriend wouldn't send me trans discourse posts from twitter

also wish she'd stop asking me stuff like "why do afabs detransition more"

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Would it kill you people to acknowledge non-binary and genderqueer people?

Would it kill you to remember that the terms transmasculine and transfeminine are not synonymous with binary trans men and binary trans women?

Would it kill you to remember that there are those who are not transmasculine and face the same issues as transmasculine people and that there are those who are not transfeminine but face the same issues as transfeminine people?

Would it kill you to add even a token acknowledgment of non-binary and genderqueer people when you talk about trans issues in a needlessly and harmfully binary way?

Would it fucking kill you to stop and think about us for a single moment?