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[godiswithuss]

eternal sunshine

everytime she’s put out new music it’s only been in a very monumental time of my life and has impacted me a lot

2020 we were going through a breakup and you were with someone else and there was a pandemic and i was really lost, i wasn’t in school i wasn’t doing anything. my entire life revolved around you and my mistakes. it’s also crazy how i have pandemic nostalgia because that shit was horrible but nostalgia blinds all. i miss 2020 sometimes, or maybe i miss being 18 and not knowing what was next. still having naivety of what’s to come and still having that feeling of mystery.

2019 we were together but i was suffering because of what happened october 26, 2018. i was very unhappy but in love. a very paradoxical feeling. again, i look back at it with nostalgia but maybe it is that feeling of being young and in love that i look back at fondly. being in high school and my biggest worry was what was i gonna do for valentine’s day. you were my TA in APUSH and we sat in front a bunch of “characters” to say the least. the album came out in february with summer coming up. i love summer and was excited. no matter how bad life is, the heat always makes it feel better. i know i was suffering during that time and the summer, yet i would still love to relive one day during that time. i remember when the album came out it was raining as well… just like during dear melancholy. it was so soon since sweetener yet my life was completely different from when i listened to that album. i just remember makayla blank singing bad idea for some reason. 2019…. what a almost foggy and warped year. yet some beautiful times. even covered in clouds you know the sun is still behind there somewhere and that it’ll come out again. and sometime you are lucky enough where it shines through the cloudiness, and those are the times where it feels beautiful

when sweetener came out i was just excited to be driving. i was 16 and my biggest concern was trying to convince my parents to allow me to drive to school in a black cadillac. i had orange hair because i wanted to look like neymar in the 2018 world cup and live a blonded life yet the old hag that died my hair never told me about purple shampoo (the bitch.) i just came back from new york and was still riding that high. i was dreading the ending days of the greatest summer of my life not knowing that the most impactful and life changing autumn was on the horizon. i was trying to enjoy the last weeks of summer and remember listening to sweetener in the kitchen of my house on a saturday. i visibly remember hearing some of my favorite songs of all time for the first time and reading twitter seeing people hate sweetener, saying that it sounds like it was produced on garageband. the twitter girlies have never heard a pharell song in their lives and now he’s one of the most popular artist again thanks to tiktok. i remember hearing borderline for the first time. it was the perfect album to end that summer and it encapsulated everything that it was. i will never listen to sweetener and not remember having orange hair, in my black cadillac, with a beautiful grey eyed girl listening and singing how it feels so good to be so young and have fun and be successful. God is a woman was a hit that had my christian family never upset. i remember listening to the light is coming in the summer and having no tears left to cry drop during march/april of 2018 changed my life. nothing will top being a sophomore in a junior class and having no one to talk to so your best friends are your apple headphones. the entire era of ariana during that time completely changed me. forever. being 15 and 16. falling in love for the first time and being enamored by this beautiful cree girl with the most enchanting eyes that God has ever created. she was beautiful and i was taken away that something so beautiful could see me as beautiful as well. it felt undeserving, and almost like a trick. but it was real. very real. and i will forever be grateful. music will forever be the greatest man made time capsule. to the orange haired emmanuel, we back. and to the future emmanuel, i hope you make memories with eternal sunshine as well as many other music and follow your heart. no matter what inspiration you have, the coolest person will always be you. long live sweetener. love

- March 8, 2024

[godiswithuss]

i don’t want the days to pass

i don’t want to live a summer day with her not being able to feel the heat of the sun

i don’t want this moment to pass and for us to grow farther away

i don’t want for a week to turn to a month

and a month to a year

i don’t want to remember 5 years from now

every morning i awake and despise that i’ve grown farther away from you

i don’t want anniversaries

i don’t want remembrance

i don’t want to remember you

i want to live with you again

- January 17, 2024

[godiswithuss]

i think my biggest problem with “tiktok” songs is the fact that it’s so hand fed. tiktok kudus to them, have created such an expansive platform where old songs like that one miguel song, deep michael jackson hits, RADIOHEAD and SADE. are not popular songs with the young generation. but, the way they found it is so handfed that it bothers me so much because I HAD TO LOOK FOR THAT SHIT!?!?! DO YOU KNOW HOW I HAD TO FIND RADIOHEAD MUSIC??? first i listened to kanye west, then i listened to bon iver because kanye was inspired and worked with him, then i listed to james blake because kanye was also working with him, then i found out kanye was inspired by thom yorke and finally i listened to kid a for the first time in my life in August of 2018 and my life changed forever. and while i was working my way through radiohead, i found out more about kanye i found out about bon iver i found out about james blake and found these amazing songs and videos and live performances from them. if the car behind you, can’t make you love, vh1 storytellers. and all of this led me to find radiohead. but now, some 14 year old “and this is when i REALLY start sounding like a fucking boomer” just scrolls on tiktok, finds a sade song without having that experience of finding it on its own or someone cool asf sharing it with him. i know there’s this big thing of hate keeping and not letting anyone put you on which… TRUST I DO THAT SHIT TOO!!! but so many people showed me new music. and people on twitter as well which shows the hypocrisy in my words. but my ex girlfriend showed me mac miller, yunglame put me on to pharrell in may of 2018 which is now one of my favorite albums, this cool girl on twitter who’s username used to be ughgaby posted a lot about the smiths which introduced me to it. but i feel like tiktok has completely stripped that experience away which i felt was such a human experience. sharing music, finding music, that rush of searching through songs good and bad and you hear a song that immediately sweeps you and over time becomes your favorite song. there’s just something so wonderfully human about that.

this also sprung up another “problem” or rather just deepened a trend which is, the death of album. and to be fair, even i’ve succumbed to it. in 2015 prince went up on the grammy stage and said “like books and black lives, albums still matter” at the time streaming was getting more and more popular and artists and music lovers were fearing that albums would be going by the wayside as now artist were more focused on making that 1 billion stream hit and now a cohesive album that is personal to the artists. which made artists like beyoncé, kanye, and drake have different takes on this. beyoncé tried to go the traditional route, kanye announced the death of physical media with tlop and drake would put out a “playlist” called more life. all of this was happening when i was 14/15. and now that i am 21, i think prince would kill himself if he saw the current state of albums. after the rise of tiktok, it has become even WORSE. because, while these old artists have increased in popularity, it’s only select songs. while i’m sure that some in the young generation have gone out and listened to artists which,hey maybe i’m wrong, maybe this is how these teenagers are founding these artists and diving deep into their music, i would argue that most kids now listen to a playlist where they put all of their favorite songs in the moment and never think twice about listening to an entire album. and tbh, even i have succumbed to it. in 2020, my most played songs were stringed from albums. you would see 8-9 tracks from my favorite albums in the year. this is before i had tiktok. now in 2023, i have a list of just singles that i’ve been playing because even now i listen to a playlist of new one off songs and i can’t even remember the last time i had an entire album playing or even listened to an entire album. a clear personal example is astroworld vs utopia.

this is another BSCK IN MY DAY story. but wtv. on August 3rd 2018, ASTROWORLD came out. one my favorite albums of all time. one of the most anticipated albums in my lifetime. there was not a person at my school that didn’t listen to it, wasn’t taking about, and didn’t post it on their snapchat story. i listened to it at least once a day and it didn’t leave my rotation until october and november and even then, sicko mode wouldn’t die off until 2019. now let’s take utopia, another one my most anticipated albums, something that i’ve been waiting for 5 YEARS for. i listened to it at 10PM july 27th 2023. i even live posted my reaction on tumblr. it’s september 14th and i have not listened to it all the way through since. BUT I PUT MY EYES AND TELEKINESIS IN MY PLAYLIST!!! and it’s not because it’s a bad album, i actually LOVED the album when it came out but it’s just not in me to play it. i’ve changed so much that i don’t even listen to full albums anymore. which i get that people will say “bro stfu you just changed how you listened to music” but i feel like it’s the why i changed i feel like tiktok and others influenced me to listen to more “singles” than albums which i fear because albums are the most beautiful thing an artists can make and i’ll carry my favorite albums to my tombstone.

idk, maybe i’m just waffalling and i know i’m fucking 21 and i already sound like fucking “WELL BACK IN MY DAYYY” but that shows just how faster generation to generation are changing. for the most part i can relate a lot to how a 26 or 27 year old grew up. we had the same pre social media internet and we had the same technology more or less

but i’d love to hear what other people have to say and i know a lot of youtube always go” LWAVW A COMMENT ID LOVE TO KNOW WHAT YOU TJINK” and they don’t give a fuck but i’d love to hear others opinions especially kids in Gen X who are growing up now and have no recollection of what culture in 2016/2017 was and if you’re like 28 stfu i already know your opinion this isn’t about you.

p.s this whole rant was inspired by a tiktok of iniesta with weird fishes by radiohead which reminded me how much music and how i had to listen to the entire album to find that song while some fucking kid knows it from a football compilation on tiktok…. (sigh… at least i’ll always have go slowly 😌) maybe i’m just jealous of how easy it is now lol.

i guess another thing im curious about is, do you like the song or do you just like this certain part? can you listen to an entire song are you still listening to a build to the beginning to the verse not just the hook?? i feel like it’s too many hook music which i remember when X put out ? and a few people were upset at the length of the song and some people called it from a mile away that this is the direction music is headed and tbh… THEY WERE RIGHT, popular songs usually are shorter and just try to get to the hook as fast as possible and even starting with it sometimes

- October 25, 2023

[godiswithuss]

i can never unsee, what you’ve shown me.

such a powerful and creative away to not only tell someone i will always remember you and will never forget everything you have done for me, have taught me. but it is so visceral. obviously right, it’s talking about sight. but “ i can never unsee what you’ve shown me” i will never unsee that moment i first looked at you and realized i loved you, i will never unsee how beautiful you looked in the morning, i will never unsee our first kiss, i will never unsee that person you were at 17, and that person you were at 22.

i will never unsee everything you’ve shown me, MSG.

- October 23rd, 2023

[godiswithuss]

October 18, 2022

you know i consider myself a lucky person. i’ve never had a serious injury or illness. i’ve never experienced death. i’ve never had anything bad happen to me that wasn’t my own fault. nothing has gone against me. but i deserve it. i still waste all my chances. my dreams. i thought life would be different :/ i don’t want to live a mundane life. i feel like an ingrate. as much as i try to be grateful i still wish for more. i always feel sorry for myself even though nothing has gone wrong in my life. i wonder why that is . i just want to be beautiful. i just want to be wanted. i just want to look good. i just want to feel good. i just want what i deserve it. and i deserve suffering. and there’s so many who deserve better but don’t get it. why is god so unjust. maybe it’s for the better but man. i wish i lived a life i deserved. i really am an ingrate. i hate my body. i thought i would always eventually have a six pack, or a body i felt confident enough to take my shirt off. i guess i’ll never achieve that though. i probably don’t deserve it. i guess i’m just mourning a life i thought i would eventually achieve. being liked and being able to be free in my life. am i gonna rot my life away in an office pretending like i care about some dogs vaccines?? idk. i just want to be free i guess and help at the end of the day. i just have to work hard i guess.

- written while listening to romantic homicide by d4vd and playing fifa 22 (chelsea vs psg)

[godiswithuss]

consummation.

it feels like all i’ve been doing lately is consuming. i have to read books, i have to listen to new music, i have to watch more movies. there’s just so much content out there and it feels as though if you don’t know this song or if you haven’t seen this movie or if you have read this book you’re missing out. but what’s the point of this? isn’t it just entertainment at the end of the day? it’s not my life. it’s not real life. but it feels as thought it’s this constant need to consume and you have to watch this show and this movie and this book. it’s exhausting to an extent. i feel as though it’s my own need for inspiration or i guess my need to know or learn or whatever it is i feel as though i have to reach a conclusion. like i have to watch all the movies on my watchlist and after that i’m done and i don’t have to watch anymore. but there will always be another show there will always be another album another something that i don’t know about and others will and that’s just okay!!!!. content will continue to be produced after me. it’s just weird since movies didn’t even exist 200 years ago. i wonder how the next generations are gonna feel with what seems as though just an endless source of content and access to it. it just feels overwhelming. but i mean books have been around for forever but the internet didn’t exist and the internet is just a whole new thing to humanity. it might be what kills humanity honestly. it’s just strange and crazy but yeah :/ that’s all idk it’s just so fucking crazy and i feel as though i haven’t expressed my thoughts correctly. i haven’t scratched that itch in my head yet. but yeah that’s it.

i will never reach the end. and that’s oh kay. enjoy the journey….. 🛤

- August 11, 2022

[godiswithuss]

July 29, 2022

Christians have this bizarre complex to them. They always have this refrain of “WE DON'T DESERVE NOTHING. WE DESERVE SUFFERING! BUT OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST DIED FOR US AND NOW WE ARE SAVED!” which I, of course, bought into. I don’t deserve happiness because I’m a human being, I don’t deserve to be well because I am a human. I deserve suffering because I’m a human. Which, I’m now realizing is not true? In the rare times that I pray, I say this phrase, “Thank you Lord for giving me things I don’t deserve” and I would go on to say thank you for basic human needs. “Thank you for another day, Thank you for this food, Thank you for this water, Thank you for this house". Which is always a good thing to be grateful for, but why am I grateful? I’m grateful because there are people in this world who don’t have that but they should. It’s despicable that there are human beings walking on this earth without basic human needs. And I in turn feel terrible because I feel as though I don’t deserve this human need while others who do deserve it don’t have it.

[godiswithuss]

5:03 AM

the sun has already started to rise and peek through my blinds.

i’m upset that the night where we first kissed grows farther and farther.

i want to live in that moment.

i want to be in that moment again.

i want our kiss to last a lifetime

i wish i could’ve kissed you longer

out of all of our kisses, my favorite one was the one where neither pulled away first.

we both just wanted to be in that moment, forever.

the night is over and i’m here writing about you while i wish i was in a deep slumber dreaming about you.

i hope i go to sleep soon so i’m able to see your face again in my dreams.

and i hope that while the night of our for kiss is over, the best awaits us.

our first date, our first sunrise together, our first kiss as husband and wife

here to many first that are in store 🥂

[godiswithuss]

4:33 AM 6-5-24

i can’t stop thinking about you. i still don’t know what happened. i still don’t understand what happened. i don’t get it. i don’t know how it happened…….. like WHAT!!!!!?!?!! how did i kiss YOU. YOU. i NEVER in a million years would’ve thought that i would ever kiss someone as stunning as you. you’re so perfect. your beautiful hazel eyes. your pretty smile that makes me want to tell every joke i have just to able to see it. your gorgeous body that looks like it was hand carved by God. i can’t believe you’re real. i can’t believe you like me. i can’t believe we kissed. i can’t believe how it happened. how good it felt. how unreal and surreal all this is. i can’t get you out of my head. i can’t sleep, i can’t eat, i can’t drink. i want you so bad. i want to speak with you right now. i want to hear your voice. i want to feel your lips again. i want to run my hands through your hair and caress your face. i want to stare into your eyes that look like i get a glimpse of heaven everytime i see them.

i just can’t believe it. i’m just laying here in disbelief about what happened. how it happened. how fast everything has happened. but it just feels so right. holding your hand for the first time was even more perfect than i could ever imagine. i thought about it so many times and it just fit like a glove. it just felt so right. like it was made for me. and i was made for you.

you’re even more perfect than i could have ever dreamed of. your soft lips, the way you looked at me, the desire i have for you grows every second that passes.

i lay here alone in bed while you’re next to another. i understand and i know it’s how it has to be but i hate it. i would do anything in the world to have you in my arms right now. holding you while we fall asleep peacefully. giving you a million kisses all over your face and making you feel so loved how you deserve to feel.

i always pictured that our first kiss would be different. more romantic. yet i wouldn’t trade that moment for anything in the world. it just felt so right. i’ve wanted to do that every time i see you. every time i look into your eyes i have to fight the urge to lean in and kiss you. there’s not a second that goes by where i don’t want you near.

i want to become better for you in every possible aspect. i want to improve in every aspect because you deserve the best possible man and i want to be that for you. i want to be for you. i want to be the only and that last one for you.

i want to wither away with you.

i hope you’re thinking of me as well. i want to say i know you are but i know you have many other things on your mind.

i want you to be happy. i want you to feel joy and be content in life. and i know that it takes times. so i will wait until the moment is right. love is patient. and time will cease to exist before i become impatient and stop waiting for you.

i want you to feel the joy of friendship with others, a stable work and family life, and happiness in yourself. you don’t need a boyfriend right now. and i understand that. i mmm you as a person and what you to be happy first before any of my selfish desires of having you for the rest of my life come true.

until that day comes true, i will be waiting here for you.

evermore mi girasol <3

[godiswithuss]

Ginger Ale

i can't get the picture of your eyes out of my head.

how it makes me feel. everytime i close my eyes i think of how beautiful you look at dusk standing by the trunk of your car.

how your smile made the day feel brighter than it really was.

how your eyes provide such a comforting warmth to what felt like a torrential downpour my life was in.

everytime our pinkies interlocked i never wanted to let it go.

one of my favorite things in this life is turning on a car and hearing the motor start. yet for the first time, I hated the sound as I knew I would be leaving the place where I see you and moving farther from your presence.

yet it brings me such a comfort knowing that the next time I put the key in, I will be moving closer to that place and get to see you once again.

<3

[godiswithuss]

Harmful Rhetoric // 5-26-23

I hated todays word. what the fuck does that even mean, tOdAy'S WOrd.

I hated today's message. I can not believe I have to keep up this act and go week after week to church. Every Sunday, I have to go and pretend that what this guy is saying is something new or insightful when it is the most vague concept ever that I have heard for over 15 years or so.

But today was different. The pastor has started a new sermon going over the Ten Commandments. Fine, I guess. It is what it is. While last week's sermon infuriated me due to the same old proclamation that us as Christians have to SIDE with Israel and PRAY for Israel and BE with Israel. I understand what they mean. And you know what, if this book is right and God is God, they are right. It says in the bible that he who is with Israel and he who is against will face God's fury. But guess what, it's REALLY hard for me to believe that God would be on the side of these GENOCIDAL LUNATICS WHO ARE DOING EVERYTHING WRONG!!! But that was last week. This week's sermon infuriated me to another level. Because not only did it consist of the same old biblical concepts of gender and sexuality, but IT WAS NOT ENTIRELY BIBLICAL.

STICK TO THE BIBLE YOU PRETENTIOUS BALD BUM.

This week's message consisted of the pastor going on a rant that while it had some biblical concepts, strayed from what the bible actually says so he could speak about HIS perspective, HIS thoughts, HIS ideas.

One of the biggest issues I have with this message is not only the perpetual push that gender identity and sexual preference is the devil's doing and the same old "BOYS KISS GIRLS AND GIRLS KISS BOYS IT'S SIMPLE. But the rant that his bald prick goes on about how the world is heading toward a unisex society and this isn't about culture wars it's about a fight against GOD. Which begins to create a them vs us mentality between Christians and the world. Which I GET IT. I GET IT, IF YOU ARE NOT WITH ME YOU ARE AGAINST ME YES I'VE READ THE PASSAGE.

It is such a harmful view though. We are closer to our fellow human than we will ever be to God. I am closer to the sinner to my left than I ever will be to God. I see my fellow man every day. I see my fellow sinner every day. I do not see God. I do not HEAR God. Even if we go by the whole, WELL I FELT THE HOLY SPIRIT SPEAK TO ME AND, you are not physically seeing, hearing, listening to God.

Another big point that the pastor spoke about was how we are not to idolize or idolatrize. Which yes, biblical concept, and even without the bible, a great concept. Money is not your savior. Bron is not your savior. That's great.

But the way the pastor spoke about it was horrendous. That the Hebrews would think that going to concerts, sports events, and political rallies was a religious event if we time-traveled them to the modern day?? dawg THEY WOULD DIE IF THEY ATE A HOT POCKET!! I DO NOT CARE WHAT THE HEBREWS THINK!

But while these concepts at its core are biblical, the biggest problem that I had with his message is the harmful rhetoric that the pastor spewed to this group of people who most likely are there because they believe that the pastor is God's vessel speaking to them. That what the pastor says is God's word and that he is a smart man that has read and studies the bible and is giving them a great message.

However, the pastor is neither educated, intelligent, nor God's vessel. He is a man. It's funny that while he mentioned that we should not idolize sports, celebrities, fame, WORSHIP MUSIC, all these things... I never heard him say we should not idolize pastors.

Not everything the pastor says is true or correct. But most people come to church lost. Searching for stability, truth, knowledge and they believe that they will find that in God. And that the pastor is God's vessel talking through them. So when they hear things such as going to concerts, sports events, and political rallies, can lead to idolization and that we are in a war with the world and it is Culture vs God and that we are headed towards a unisex society that will collapse. It is so harmful to a group of mostly lost people searching for truth and thinking this bozo who has read the word is right.

It leads to so many unhealthy and harmful thoughts which are then perpetrated towards others.

Things like for example

Your first boyfriend has to be your only one

You can not go to concerts

You can not go to sports games

You can not have a relationship until you are ready for marriage

Sexuality is a choice

We are different from those of the world

And many more.

I am so frustrated by the amount of people who applaud at all these harmful and hateful things as well. Mostly my sister. Her smug face while this buffoon spews all this unintelligent nonsense. It boils my blood. How can someone be so stupid, self indulgent, and self righteous.

I will never forget seeing so many people applaud when the pastors said that we have to side with Israel.

The applause of an American audience for a government that is causing a genocide against the Palestinian people.

Once again, Christians are on the wrong side of history.

Jesus, please, you can not possibly see what is happening to your nation of birth and punish me for not siding with the oppressor. You must understand. You can not possibly tell me that you of all people will disown me and punish me for being against this genocide. Please.

Also, if this is because of your father's doing then there is a pecking order in the trinity which kinda unravels things or at least makes things very complicated to understand or the job thing which is like yeah I can't control the rhino I shouldn't talk but yeah.

Anyways, great talk! Harmful rhetoric will always be in this church and will always prevail. God does not want this world to see peace.

I can not change anything, I just have to continue to walk.

Oh, and then the last thing that infuriated me was the question that everyone asks and the most damn evidence that God is a bit cruel. Why punish future generations if they didn't commit the sin?

The pastor's answer to this... "Do you not think they would have been the same as their parents? Generational curses exist, your daddy is in your DNA, They would've been the same.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? THAT'S YOUR ANSWER? THAT'S THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION? These poor kids don't stand a chance since their destiny is already decided due to this answer. What's the point of even living and trying then?

" They would've been just like them" says the man whos daddy was an alcoholic while he's a pastor and the man sitting next to me is nothing like his father. Shut up you bald white milk dud.

[godiswithuss]

growing up and getting older

when you're younger since you haven't lived as long it feels like everything is much more monumental. like this is as high as it can get. 2018 was the best year of my life. but 2019 was the worst at that time. but since I was only 17, I felt like it could never get better than 2018. but now I'm 21 in 2024 and have experienced better and worse moments than 2019. and looking back 2019 wasn't even that bad. the worst and best is still yet to come if I receive the gift of more days on this earth. my memory will become worse because there will be more to store and the less important will be forgotten. the fork I remember used to be on the kitchen table is not there anymore. I could've sworn it was there. but now there is a beautiful spoon there that I will cherish forever. I'm thankful for that fork and for what it was. 2016 will continue to fade. so will 2017 and eventually 2018. what I thought was the pinnacle of my life is actually just a small part of the larger story hopefully. maybe I will live to see the year 2037. maybe not. I'll still have listening to sign of the times in 2017 as a 15 year old in my heart forever though :)

[godiswithuss]

my favorite trips

- 2014 Seattle

God i fucking loved going to seattle. I was 12, the 2014 World Cup was on. i had the iphone 5c and about to go to 7th grade. i remember when we beat the netherlands on the road July 9th,2014 and the entire time in seattle we had the dream of winning the world cup UGHHHH it was beautiful 😭😭😭 I LOVE IT AND THE MUSIC FUCKING THAT ONE SAM SMITH SONG THE NOW I GOT YOU, AM I WRONG BY NICO, VINES!!! shit was amazing. i remember we were getting to vegas from behind the strip and there was we were passing by trump tower and everything and then the news hit that gotze scored that fucking cursed bitch ass goal and i was thinking like FUCK…. we’ll have another chance :/ shit was amazing though.

- 2017 Rushmore

I was 15. my first time listening to trilogy by the weeknd. i lost so much weight and was looking good, i grew out my hair. i looked SAURRR good. i had a black shirt blue jeans and black vans with some gold jewelry. i was beautiful. i remember getting ready in the hotel in south dakota and listening to house of balloons. it was euphoric it was literally fucking perfect. i was finding myself and i was young and like trying to be artsey and i even drew a purple rose in colorado. i was such a try hard but i loved it. i remember when keren was stuck because she sat on this foldable chair bed thingy and she laid in it and it fell over towards the wall and that shit was so funny she was stuck too… man THE MUSIC HAD YOU LOUGH LOUGH HAUST. oh and like XO tour life banged OMG AND THAT SUMMER I LISTENED TO LANA DEL REY IT WAS BEAUTIFUL!!! + SUMMER WORKOUTS THAT YEAR WENT CRAZYYYY

- 2018 Vegas

May 2018…… yeah….. i was about to turn 16. Ye was posting on twitter. my body was looking so good and i remember i had that ck shirt with light blue jeans and cement 3s… plus i think the guitar pic tattoo. it was for my dad’s 50th birthday and i made like a little movie. i remember that black shirt blue jeans black chelsea boots, i was on twitter and was taking picture and videos trying to be artsey and deep. shit was amazing. i love 2018 ye too. OMG IT WAS MOTHER’s DAy TOO AND I REMEMBER LISTENING TO LOOK MA NO HANDS FOR THE FIRSG TIME IT WAS BEAUTIFUL 😭😭😭

- 2018 New York/West Orange

god fucking damnit. what i consider the happiest moment in my life so far. i was 16. scorpion came out literally the DAY we were leaving to NYC. i remember falling asleep on the way back to west orange from i think it was one of the first day we were there, maybe when we went to eat pupusas at the park and i fell asleep next to my dad listening to summer game by drake and i remember after july 4th we were walking back to the house after watching fireworks and blue tint by drake was blaring from a car. and that NYC day man…. colombia vs england. PARTIDAZO and there were so many colombians and they were all fine like my gawd???? and i remember wearing that pink and white polo shirt with black shorts and the white huraches??? the black argentina jersey???? LAWDDDD i was so cold 😭 the happiest moment in my life and what would come that year…. another story for another time :)

UGH and all those diner we would eat at THE TEYANA TAYLOR ALBUM HURRY HURRY HURRYYYY GAWD IT WAS SO GOOOOODDD i loved going to all those janky hotel with my family and all of us sleeping in the same room. it’s those memories that you really carry and not the ones you except to remember forever. it started raining in NYC too. the rain was beautiful. it would be hot then cold and we took a train to get there and back and it was just so big and walkable and green 🌳 i loved it so much. FUCK AND TJE 2018 WC TOO I REMEMBER HOINH TO CHURCH WHEN FRANCE WON and when we ducking lost i remember when it was official we were at a gas station and i was telling my dad like FUCK we have to wait 4 more years and i remember how hyped we were going into oklahoma and we were 2-1 up and then everything happened :,(. those walks at the gas station during a road trip, things i will always cherish. just how sunny it would be and my dad pumping gas and my sister and mother going to by snacks and i would take off my headphones after listening to music 🥲

- 2021 Miami

the “last” big major road trip… 2021 was insane, i was looking good, feeling better, passed all my classes with good grades, wasn’t talking to my ex. I WAS LOOOKINH SO GOOD, had long hair. the summer where we finally saw argentina win a tournament and i remember those penalties vs colombia on July 6th, 2021 watching it with my dad. and then we saw them win in a hotel OH AND THE SUNS WERE IN THE FINALS LIKE OMG???? i had a breakdown talking to makayla and we went to disneyland and i had a hoodie 🥲. life was good.

GAWDDD CALL ME WHEN YOU GEET LOSTT TELEPATÍA BY KALI UCHIS UGHHHH SO BEAUTIFUL ESPECIALLY WHEN I LOST MY WALLET BEFORE THE TRIP 🥲 AWWW YOU LOOK MALNURISHED

- 2022 Mexico City

[godiswithuss]

fear is a tool

this concept that if we don’t attack we will eventually be the attacked has led to so much pain and suffering…

even i succumb to that thought….

[godiswithuss]

what does heaven look like?

is it just a bunch of clouds where souls relax for the rest of eternity

is eternity even a good thing?

all good things must come to an end, if they continue they eventually sour

is it fields with animals and humans living peacefully

or do we just sit around bored?

whatever it is, i hope there’s a football pitch there

[godiswithuss]

i think greed is humanity’s biggest flaw. the need for more and more and more and never leaving any for the rest. causing famine and poverty. even i fall short of this. eating more than i need while others in this world starve. buying more than i need while others are in need. buying more clothes while others don’t even have a shirt on their back. it all leads back to gluttony and is one of the seven deadly sins. where would this world be without gluttony? i wonderrrrrr. my favorite verse in this bible is when god tells moses basically to not grab more than he needs and leave for the others. i think he compared it to crops, leave extra crops for those in need. i need to do that. only have things i need and will make me happy. not eat more than i need to. but give to those that need and are hungry…. gluttony is my biggest sin. never ever take more than what you need because then you will have more than others…. yeah. i need to give more. and stop taking so much. thank you. gracias. always be thankful. and be appreciative. thank you. always.

[godiswithuss]

i don’t blame those who go to church lost either and i don’t deny them going to church. it’s probably a good thing they’re going to church than going someplace else looking for answers. even if i don’t agree with them, i know what it feels like to be lost and helpless. like you’re stuck in the middle of a desert and are looking for any sign of life. i’ve found my answer and i wont deny someone else their answer even if i don’t agree with it. be it buddahism islam or jesus.