goeshardmoved - Tumblr blog

[goeshardmoved]

alright guys, I'm just going to be honest with you, I am putting billy on a hiatus, reasons being below.. there is very triggering content under the cut, so please read at your own risk.

for those who don't know, a little over two months ago I attempted suicide. this attempt left me in the hospital for a whole month, and made me be pretty out of touch with the real world. coming back to "normal" after this has been really really hard if i'm honest. I am feeling a million times better since I have my medications right now and have gotten / am getting the help I need, but that also changes the way I approach things. before my attempt, I used writing as an escape. I would pretty much come onto tumblr and allow myself to feel like someone different so I didn't have to deal with what is in my head. that was my main motivation for writing. now, that i've gotten the help i need and gotten my meds right, that previously mentioned motivation isn't there. I still want to write billy, and I have so much muse for original characters, but the pressure of canon characters has made me lose more motivation that I would like. I am trying to find a way to get that motivation back, but it's not been successful so far. I'm not going to stop trying because billy is my baby boy, but I am going to probably be even slower than I am now. so with that being said, this blog is effectively on a hiatus. You can find me @leviath4ns, @vangu4rds and @infern4ls. feel free to reach out there and/or on my discord @dunnebr0s.

I love you all very much and thank you so much for putting up with my shenanigans for this long.

[goeshardmoved]

TEXTING STARTERS

Let’s text! feel free to make edits to better suit your muse’s voice/typing style/contact names, but please don’t edit or add on to the original post. 💛

[ text ] are you awake?

[ text ] it’s been three days! why haven’t you been answering your phone?

[ text ] are you ignoring me?

[ text ] can you let me in? I’m out front.

[ text ] are you okay?

[ text ] I miss you.

[ text ] are you at home?

[ text ] did you get home safe?

[ text ] where are you?

[ text ] what did you do?

[ text ] how did you get this number?

[ text ] can we talk?

[ text ] hey, is this [ name/wrong name ]?

[ text ] are you drunk?

[ text ] do you also hear thunder outside?

[ text ] text me when you get home safe.

[ text ] are you in my kitchen??

[ text ] stop lying to me!

[ text ] what the hell happened?

[ text ] why do you only text me at 3am?

[ text ] okay, that’s it. I’m coming over.

[ text ] do you want to come over?

[ text ] stop shutting me out.

[ text ] come over.

[ text ] are you lost?

[ text ] do you want to talk?

[ text ] rough day, huh?

[ text ] can you bring snacks on your way here?

[goeshardmoved]

rain in la was a rarity, most of the summer season spent hot, drying out the land, but when it did rain, it poured. the air had been so thick that day, the humidity making the baking sun even hotter, a sign of the impending rain to come. but that didn't stop the songwriting pair from hanging out in teddy's pool house and attempting to write the album. it had to be done, deadlines coming up just a constant reminder of that, but of course their butting heads seemed to hinder their songwriting process than help it. tempers flared, only enhanced by the heat, and it lead to the fiery red head stomping out with her signature @selfruin stomp strut thing, and heading down the road, barefooted of course.

billy wasn't sure how the black asphalt wasn't burning the bottoms of her feet, and a second passes, hesitant before throwing his guitar onto the couch and stomping after her. " daisy, wait! " a call after her, jogging to catch up some, but she had too good of a head start. " daisy, these roads here are so curvy, you're going to get hit, then who would tell me how shit my songs are? come on, lets talk it out, we've got to do this. all i said is we should change up one line, okay? " at this point daisy had stopped, standing in the middle of the street in the hills of la, hands on her hips rambling about how he always had something to say about all of her work.

it wasn't a true statement, plenty of times he had allowed her songs to go unscathed through the writing process, even complimenting her more often than not on her skill, and his mouth opens to cut her off and say that, but as soon as he does the bottom falls out. rain pours down, drenching them in seconds nearly. his denim shirt clings to him, and arms reach out, a peace offering. " come on, D, lets get out of this rain okay? if you want to keep arguing we can do so in the pool house alright? we can't get sick not right now, the label wants the last three songs in the next two weeks..."

hands are held up, and he approaches slowly, like approaching a wounded animal until he's close enough to brush wet red strands behind her ear, " look, i'm sorry if my opinion offended you, alright? i'll try to be nicer about my delivery, but can we please get out of the road and the rain? there will be no album if the two lead singers get killed by standing out in the middle of the street.... " hand cups her cheek, an attempt to calm her down, he's not sure it will work, and is half expecting her to push him away.

" please daisy? "

[goeshardmoved]

I've worked too fucking hard, and I'm too fucking good — 🎹

[goeshardmoved]

at the feel of the other's man hand on his shoulder, billy swaps the hand his cigarette is in to lift the hand of his shoulder and let it fall, the touch unwelcome. he's not sure who this man is, not sure he wants to know honestly. the stranger didn't have the best approach, walking up to him and asking if he wanted to be in an... adult film... what would his wife think? what about the future and his daughter? he laughs at the offer, thinking it's a joke. " maybe in another life, man.... it's not for me. at least not now. "

billy's face scrunches at the use of his name, he should be use to it now, from all the people who would chant it at their shows, all the fans screaming for him, but coming from the other's lips, it doesn't sound right. " man, not to burst your bubble or whatever, but I got a wife and kid to think about, not sure my wife cami would approve of me fucking another woman, even if it was for a film. " he takes the card but will trash it the first chance he gets.

" if you really want to have a rockstar in one of your.... films... you should ask my bandmate, warren, seems up his alley.... " and a pause, " who the fuck even are you though man? "

maybe in another life.

Ted couldn't stop the roll of his eyes at what was said by @goeshard, the frontman had a right to the thought (though it was wrong). The director's hand came up to drop down on Billy's shoulder, clasping it with a firm grip and a small shake. He sighed and tilted his head, looking out at the horizon that laid beyond the rooftop party they both attended. He was here scouting-- no one, of course, could remember who invited him but no one was feeling strong enough to remove him. Yet.

"Listen here, Billy-- can I call you Billy?" A little laugh, "Billy, I like you, I think you got a lot of potential but it doesn't just have to be on the stage-- it can also be..." his other hand came up shaping an 'L' as if lining up a shot, "...in front of a camera. You don't even have to show your face--" he patted his shoulder then pulled it away, finding where he'd sat his drink down. He lifted it for a sip, looking over his shoulder at some of the women lounging by the pool. He hummed and brought his eyes back to Billy, "But hey, I don't need any answer tonight. I can always give you my card--"

[goeshardmoved]

the gaslite had become a regular stomping ground for billy. at first, on his own, when times got tough, contemplating breaking his sobriety on especially hard days. but soon, it became a more happy place, a place that he brought his friends, the six, to hang out and enjoy each others company. emma, had quickly become their favorite bartender, one of the only ones who could keep up with their banter, the only one who didn't get annoyed by the boy-like behavior of the male members of the six. in fact, billy assumed she found their company quite enjoyable. and god, not to mention the pipes on the woman.

they all shared the mic on good nights, singing all sorts of songs and having fun, and it took a while but with pestering from warren, emma finally took the mic herself and blew every single member of the six away. as soon as she started singing, the gears in billy's head started turning. he listened intensely every single time she sang, and as their tour grew closer, an idea popped in his head. what if emma opened for the six? it would just be one show at first, maybe two, starting in albuquerque and see where it went. he pitched the idea to teddy, and got the go ahead for the first show, and a promise of seeing how it went, to see if it was more.

when billy finally pitched the idea to emma, it was just like any other night. karen and graham were duetting don't go breaking my heart on stage, and billy found himself sitting at the bar, nursing a glass of coke slowly. " so emma, we know your voice is amazing, genuinely one of the best voices i've heard, " starting sweet to try and butter her up, " have you ever thought about perusing a music career? you've got the chops for it, for sure. " another sip of his soda, eyeing her up and down, trying to gauge her expression.

" if it's something you've thought about, let me take care of you. I have an offer, I already ran it by our producer who is going to pitch it to the label, but how would you like opening for the six? just one show, in new mexico, then if the label and the fans are into it, we can pitch more. " arms rest on the bar top, looking over at her with that signature billy dunne half grin. " it's a pretty lucrative deal, you'll get a decent chunk of cash from it, hell you could not work for a month and be okay..... "

" just think about it, alright? " and another signature billy smirk. at the sight of the woman's grin he starts to grin too, " well the six, we were the dunne brothers first, just me, graham, warren, eddie, our friend pete and chuck too, we did covers of our favorite songs.... some of our hits was suzy q and have love, will travel... so just think of your favorite songs, work on them, then perform them--- easy as that. and if you want, you can come to band practice sometimes, for the tour i mean, see how it goes, i'm sure daisy and the rest of the guys wouldn't mind. "

emma was no stranger to billy dunne and his band ( literally ). she had met daisy first when she had come in with simone, but slowly, the band started to become regulars at the gaslite. they'd enjoy drinks and snacks while they took turns on the karaoke mic. they'd hype her up when she'd take the mic herself. they had become a routine set in this family that the little hole in the wall karaoke bar had established. and with emma's love for music and performing, the question billy had posed her with shouldn't have surprised her.

open for us. we'll try a show and then we can talk to teddy and adding you for the tour if it goes well.

her eyebrows rose as she released a soft laugh, starting her normal schpeal about how she was not a professional singer despite the sparkling hope in the eyes of the band members over @goeshard's shoulder, ex-wife included. that she didn't have the money to step away from her two jobs and pot selling side gig and stay afloat to chase that sort of dream. she had started to change to subject to their drinks when she saw billy extend a hand that he set flat on the bar in front of her as a means to stop her and get her to listen.

let me take care of you.

he continued on about the money, the cut that she would take from this show alone. and honestly? she couldn't fight the excitement that bubbled in her chest of getting to perform, and the dollar amount alone was more than she made at all three of her jobs in a month. she exhaled a breath and raised an eyebrow. " so, how do i even build a set list? " she mused, the grin creeping across her lips at the band's immediate relief and excitement as she released a soft laugh. " okay, okay! that's enough. i'm getting you all refills so warren can get back up there and start crooning some disco for us again. "

[goeshardmoved]

🐝  *  ―  𝑵𝑶𝑵-𝑽𝑬𝑹𝑩𝑨𝑳 𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑺𝑻 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑴𝑷𝑻𝑺. (  some triggering content ahead. add " + " to reverse the action.  )

[ wipe ] sender wipes away receiver's tears [ hurt ] sender hurts receiver with words [ lonely ] sender finds receiver alone in a dark room [ wounded ] sender patches up receiver's wounds [ crying ] sender finds receiver crying [ help ] sender runs to receiver when they scream for help [ nightmare ] sender wakes receiver up from a nightmare [ dying breath ] sender talks to receiver before dying [ hold on ] sender pulls receiver into their arms [ anger ] sender takes their anger out on receiver [ argue ] sender gets into a heated argument with receiver [ scared ] sender scares receiver [ sick ] sender cares for receiver while they are sick [ palm ] sender places a hand on receiver to stop them from doing something [ fight ] sender gets into a physical fight with receiver [ comfort ] sender tries to comfort receiver [ blood ] sender notices that receiver is bleeding [ collapse ] sender collapses into receiver's arms [ pressure ] sender puts pressure on receiver's wound [ slap ] sender slaps receiver in the face [ panic ] sender helps receiver through a panic attack [ lie ] sender catches receiver in a lie [ sobs ] sender sobs uncontrollably while receiver holds them [ hiding ] sender finds out that receiver has hidden an injury from them [ death ] sender just died, receiver finds out [ chin up ] sender lifts receiver's chin to stop them from hiding their tears [ fears ] sender talks to receiver about their fears [ scream ] sender screams at receiver [ coping ] sender teaches receiver some coping mechanisms [ loss ] sender is there for receiver after they've lost someone important to them [ needs ] sender asks receiver what they need [ bullet ] sender takes a bullet for receiver [ bruises ] sender finds bruises of unknown origin on receiver [ rainfall ] sender finds receiver out alone in the rain [ hospital ] sender wakes up in a hospital bed and finds receiver sitting by their bedside [ intrude ] sender walks in on receiver treating their wounds [ calming ] sender tries to calm down receiver [ inspection ] sender holds receiver's face while inspecting an injury they got [ rescue ] sender carries receiver to safety [ clean ] sender cleans blood off of receiver's body

[goeshardmoved]

spell out your url using characters you love from any media. then, tag as many people as there are letters in your url (or however many you'd like!) inspired by the song titles dashboard game.

g - george o'malley, greys anatomy

o - oliva benson, law & order: svu

s - samwise gamgee, the lord of the rings

e - eddie munson, stranger things

h - heathcliff, wuthering heights

a - aragorn, lord of the rings

r - robin hood, mixed media

d - dina, the last of us

tagged : @beaniestm tagging : you!

[goeshardmoved]

𝗙𝗜𝗟𝗠 𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗥𝗘 𝗔𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗧𝗜𝗖. BOLD: always applies. ITALIC: sometimes applies.

i. romance. love poems. flickering candles. conversations in the meadow. roses. midnight meetings. silk dresses. long phone calls. spilling your heart out. curtains blowing in the breeze. cheap paperbacks. the sun’s reflection on the water. smooth jazz. waiting for something to happen. blushing cheeks. kisses in the rain. faded polaroids. noses bumping. floral perfume. a restless spirit. oil paintings on canvas. hiding under an awning during a thunderstorm. candlelight dinners. horse drawn carriages. sunset views. smeared lipstick.

ii. action. streetlights reflected on rainy pavements. a phone alarm. rapid texting. the smell of smoke. aggression. the natural instinct to fight. dramatic reunions. distant gunfire. funerals in the rain. the coppery scent of blood. solitude. fierce protective instincts. doomed to fail. driving too fast. near death experiences. inner turmoil. running through crowds. expensive watches. tired eyes. overnight plane rides. cold cups of coffee. dangerous secrets. lying through your teeth. bullet holes.

iii. horror. a distant farmhouse. congealed blood on the hardwood. ice picks. tilted headstones. bare feet on the carpet. splintering wood. masks that hide who you really are underneath. quiet summer camps. ghost stories. locked rooms. sharp knives. a full moon. the scent of rust. grasping hands searching for something to hold. last minute decisions. bags under your eyes. a cross hung on the wall. crawling maggots. the carcass of a dead animal. an abandoned hotel. blood-soaked clothes. broken bones. the sound of glass shattering.

iv. adventure. gnarled rope between your fingers as you hold on for dear life. glittering gold in a dark room. snakes. an incoming sandstorm. the consequences of your actions. hidden secrets. an unopened door. a leap of faith. squeezing your best friend’s hand. shelves of dusty books. ancient curses. the smell of fire. crumbling buildings. complicated puzzles. mystery novels. footsteps echoing in a large room. smudged lenses on glasses. warm skin. doing what’s right. dirt under your fingernails. scribbled notes. cobwebs blocking your path.

v. comedy. friends you’ve known for years. crowded comedy clubs. crescent moons. open mics. out of tune pianos. a messy desk. leather messenger bags. stacks of papers. huge sweaters. bitten nails. ordering takeout every night. dog-eared pages. unmade beds. hand movements & broad gestures. the smell of the subway. colorful graffiti on brick buildings. big dreams. enthusiastic phone calls. rejection letters. the heat of stage lights. pulling pranks. restless sleep. cold showers. laughing until you’re crying. half-finished ideas. tiny apartments. velvet curtains. cheap alcohol.

tagged by: @beaniestm tagging: you!

[goeshardmoved]

You could upgrade— ⏳

[goeshardmoved]

EYES : avoids eye contact when nervous, maintains eye contact when nervous, avoids eye contact due to being neurodivergent, enjoys eye contact as a means to read and convey emotion, looks down when emotional, looks up when emotional, cries openly, wipes tears quickly, suppresses tears, wandering gaze when lost in thought, holds gaze while thinking, seeks out eye contact for reassurance, seeks out eye contact to gauge enthusiasm during conversations, eyes move constantly during conversation, expressive eyes, emotions only evident through eyes, uses eye contact to intimidate, looks up while thinking, looks down while thinking

HANDS : clasps behind back, rests in lap, fidgets with clothes, twiddles thumbs, chews at nails, pushes back cuticles, draws patterns on table/counter surfaces, animated gestures while speaking, only gestures to emphasize, utilizes sign language, speaks only through sign, callouses, scars, smooth, wrinkled, worn, soft, delicate, boney, slender, thick, veiny, touches others while speaking, reaches out while laughing, reaches out to comfort others, reaches out to seek comfort, places face in hands when exasperated, places face in hands when exhausted, places palms over eyes to hide when overwhelmed, rests chin in hands, taps fingers when impatient, taps fingers when nervous, taps fingers while thinking, scratches scalp, strokes chin, rubs back of head, toys with objects around them, runs fingers over surfaces while walking by

MOUTH : chews lip, chews at inside of cheek, licks lips, bites tongue, chews on straws, resting frown, resting smile, neutral resting expression, resting pout, grinds teeth, flexes jaw, covers mouth when laughing, covers mouth when shocked, covers mouth when concerned, hands to lips while thinking, covers mouth when chewing, chews with mouth closed, chews with mouth open, smirks, grins, subtle smiles, wide smiles, sad smiles, intimidating smiles, menacing grins, openly smiles, tries to suppress smiles, bares teeth when angry, lips quiver when emotional, stutters, speaks quickly, speaks slowly, good pronunciation, poor pronunciation, moderate pronunciation, purses lips, sucks in lips, holds mouth open when shocked or confused

LEGS : bounces leg when nervous, draws knees to chest when sitting, draws knees to chest as a means of comfort, sits on knees, sits with legs criss crossed, sits with legs spread open in chairs, crosses legs when sitting in chairs, sits with one leg folded under the other, places feet on furniture, never places feet on furniture, sits on counters, sits on desks, sits on tables, sits on edge of seat, sits hunched over with forearms on knees, arches one knee up, sits on the arm of chairs/couches, feet on dashboard, swings legs back and forth when sitting somewhere elevated, wiggles toes when nervous, wiggles toes as a general tick, shuffles feet, kicks foot into ground, stomps feet, loud footsteps, quiet footsteps, silent footsteps

HAIR : runs fingers through hair, tugs at hair, picks at scalp, chews on hair, twists locks of hair while thinking or nervous, smooths out locks of hair while thinking or nervous, prefers hair out of face, prefers long hair, prefers short hair, wears hair back, keeps hair down, smooths back hair, plays with other’s hair while talking, plays with own hair while talking, strokes hair to comfort others, likes having hair stroked for their own comfort, braids others’ hair while talking, braids own hair while talking, flips hair out of face, pushes hair out of face, leaves hair alone even when falling into face

tagged by: @selfruin tagging: you!

[goeshardmoved]

archetypes quiz.

38% creative: the creative appreciates all beautiful things, in art and daily life. the creative act is essential to who they are. 33% performer: taking center stage comes naturally to the performer, whether at the water cooler or in front of an audience. they are magnetic and know how to inspire. 29% royal: when the royal walks into a room, they command attention. they are the one in charge, and they enjoy reaping the rewards of their hard work.

tagged by: @sleazeballtm tagging: you!

[goeshardmoved]

where does your power lie?

the blood: oh it courses through you. your power is never outside of your periphery. it is always there, rushing and freezing and boiling. your strength is in how well you know yourself, and your abilities. you are acutely aware of your energy, and what bleeds you.

tagged by: @beaniestm tagging: you!

[goeshardmoved]

Daisy,

If I am honest, I didn't expect a reply at all. I set that letter on the desk of my suite at this facility I'm at when I went to a group, and I assume because I did in fact send some letters, that housekeeping or whatever assumed I was planning on sending that one too. I never really intended for you to see it, it was part of my healing process, trying to address things that had happened and process them. I'm not sure how I feel knowing that you've read it. My plan was to stay out of your life, in hopes that it would be better for both of us, despite how much it hurt. none the less though, it's really really nice to hear from you. despite the time that's passed, I can hear your voice in your writing and if I'm honest with you, I miss it.

you've always been someone to me. from the moment you walked into that studio in just that men's dress shirt, I knew that daisy jones was going to rock my world. Then I didn't know if it would be for the better or worse but now I can admit that I needed you in my life. I can admit that I don't regret any second I spent with you, that I don't regret the majority of that time. I do regret hurting you though, and I always will. I don't remember when I knew that I loved you, but I do know when I realized I had fallen for you. Do you remember that night on the beach? where you opened up to me, where you shared who you were with me? that's when I realized it. when you showed that you trusted me that much, I realized that I was in fact head over heels in love with you.

you say they are my family, and they are, that will never change. Camila is the mother to my daughter, that will never change, and part of me loves her for that. part of me always will, but it's not the same. it never will be the same as what we have, what we had. but daisy, you're my family too. just as much as camila, as julia, as graham, as my mom. I know you say your an orphan, and rightly so. If I ever met your parents I'm not sure I could hold my tongue. you're not an orphan though d, at least not anymore. I know they need me, that's why I'm here back in rehab again, trying to get better, but daisy, I need you.

I think about our child too. often. I too think about what could've been, what we could've been, what our family could be if we were given a chance. but maybe, that was the worlds cruel way of showing us that we didn't need to be together, at least not then. I hate that I have to see it that way, but it's genuinely the only way I can heal. I wonder if they would've had your smile. I hope they would have. I'm glad you had mom though, she loves you, more than she loves me. or at least it feels like that sometimes. you know she gave me an earful? when I first called her from here?

she told me that I was a fool for not following my heart, that I was an ass for hurting you. that she saw how much you loved me, how much I loved you. reminded me that the reason her and my dad didn't work out is because they didn't love each other, that it was just a marriage of obligation. that if they both could've admitted that sooner that maybe they both could've been happier, and that maybe graham and I would've had a better relationship with both of them. she told me that I don't need to be with someone because I feel obligated to. and that stuck with me.

if that's part of moving on, I don't want to. I don't ever want to forget the way you smile up at me. not that fake daisy smile, the soft real one reserved for people you trust. I don't ever want to forget how when you get laughing how you snort and sometimes can't even breathe and do that silent laugh thing. or how you fit so perfectly on my chest. despite all of this daisy, you're my best friend. you will always be my best friend and I never want to forget the moments we shared together. I don't care if that means I never move on.

I'm so proud of you for taking that chance daisy. I hope you know that. I know how hard it is, but just remember how strong ( and stubborn ) you are. if anyone can do this d, it's you. when you feel like no one else is in your corner, when it gets the hardest, remember that I am always going to be there, rooting for you. I will always be rooting for you. don't be a stranger, daisy jay. feel free to write me anytime you'd like, okay? it's nice to hear from you. especially since I came into this thinking I would never hear from you again.

I love you, Billy.

Billy , i've started this letter over more times then i can count. i spent a long time thinking about even sending one back. all of this rehab , therapy? it was to fix myself. but to also heal myself from us. the wreck that we both made of each other. i think in another life , if we had earlier , made we could have worked. sometimes i still dream about it. or maybe we wouldn't have. we were both two broken people and i see that now. i think even then , that day at teddy's? when you said the world broke me? i knew it then. i just hated someone seeing me that way. i hated you for seeing you right through me. or i thought i did. that was day the i fell in love with you. because i realized , that you did see me. you got me , in the ways no one else ever had. i wasn't just your muse. i was someone to you. i've never told a man that i loved him , never admitted it to myself because i didn't want to be in love. but i did love you, and i still do. i forgive you. i've struggled with that too. learning to let go of my anger, my pain. that night in chicago, watching you walk away for the last time? that was the hardest thing i've ever done in my life. it closed the door on our future. but i know now , that it was the right decision. if we had stayed together that night , the rest of your sobriety would have gone down the drain. that tase of alcohol on your lips , the sight of you doing a line? it was what made me realize. i was ruining you. everything you had worked on , you were throwing away that night. i didn't do it just for you. i said that goodbye , i closed our chapter for julia. for camila. they are your family. they are the ones that need you. i realized that on the stage, with that conversation her and i shared in the hallway once. you loved us both , but you would never be mine. i know that know , and as much as it hurts , i'm learning to be okay with it. i've been thinking a lot about pittsburgh. how much i loved it there. i was scared , getting off the plane. but your mom took me in her arms in that big hug , and she made me feel more loved then i ever had by my own mother. i don't think i ever told you, but one of the nights we were there? i couldn't sleep , she found me on that swing outback. she was the only other person , that knows about the baby that could have been. i think a lot about them too. would they have your beautiful eyes? who would they have grown into? would we have found a way to make it all work? as scared as i was and still am to be a mother? because i don't want to fuck up a child. it made me realize , that maybe part of me wants that. more then i ever knew. and if i could have had it , it would always be with you.

i miss you. not just the parts of us that tangled in sheets in the night. i miss your laugh , your smell. the way we used to stay up on the bus when neither one of us could sleep, watching those stupid re-runs. how you would hold me close , and never say a word about silly it was for me to be scared of storms. i'm worried that one day, i'm going to forget all of it. that one day, i'll forgot how your touch felt on my skin. or how green your eyes are. but my therapist says that it's apart of moving on , of saying goodbye. that it won't always be easy , but that's life. can you promise me something? never give up. don't blame yourself for everything that's happened. don't do that thing where you punish yourself. i've seen you do it time and time again. you are human billy dunne. humans are imperfect. we make mistakes. you're not your father. there are parts of you , that are messed up. that's what it means to be real. but there are beautiful things about you too. don't forget that. make me another promise? tell julia to dream big for me. i know that she's going to grow up into a woman as beautiful as her mother , as strong willed as her father. i'm actually working on a song for her. maybe i'll put it on that first album you think i'm going to have. thank you. for helping me decide to take a second chance on life. to give myself a chance to restart. i think walking away was the best decision of my life. i've wasted so much of it on drugs. of running from my past , my own mistakes. but i don't want to be that person anymore. and partly that's because of you and your love. i hope the world treats you with kindness , i hope that your own new chance brings you a future that's everything you deserve. that makes you the happiest man. because if anyone deserves that, it's you. it's always been you.

love , daisy j.

[goeshardmoved]

𝗅𝖾𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝖻𝗂𝗅𝗅𝗒 ( closed. )

Daisy, ( @selfruin )

I know you'll never see this because I'm never going to send it, hell I'm not even sure how I'd get it to you at this point. I mean I could give it to Simone and maybe she'd deliver it to you, but I feel she hates me just as much as everyone else right now, if not more. Which is totally understandable. I don't blame anyone for the way they feel towards me right now, especially you. I did you so wrong, and now I see that. Now I can admit that I am not a good person, and that I helped ruin your beautiful soul. Ruin isn't a good word.... you're not ruined, you never could be, you're such a beautiful person inside and out if you'd just let yourself be.... A better word is hurt, I see now that I hurt you, massively, and it's not fair. At all. I know I can't, I know it's impossible, but I wish we could just start from the beginning again. I would do so much so differently... Like actually love you the way you deserved to be loved, fully, unconditionally, and thoroughly. I would have respected you for your talent from the get go, I would have accepted the input you had and seen that you make it better. You make everything better. I know I said that once before, and maybe after everything that happened you don't believe it but it's so true.

But sadly, I can't go back. All I can do now is ask for your forgiveness, and even then I understand if you don't give it me. I'm not sure I necessarily deserve it, but all I can do is ask. I shouldn't have led you on like I did, and I should have communicated my expectations of what our relationship was better. you didn't deserve that, and I'm so sorry for the misunderstanding. If I'm honest I thought we were on the same page, which in hindsight was unfair of me to assume. I hope you know the only reason I was never fully yours was for Julia's sake. Which isn't an excuse, what I did was inexcusable, but I just wanted to let you know my reasonings. I feared that if I left Cami, ( which if I'm honest with you, it's something that's been heavy on my mind... we both know how she is. ) she would keep Julia from me, and that's the last thing I want. You know me better than anyone, you get me better than anyone so you know that my biggest fear is to turn out like my father. Which again, if we're honest, I've already started to do. But, that's not on you. That's all on me. I don't want to say you're blame, but I think now we can both admit that it's on both of us.

I guess this letter is me trying to say that I forgive you. I don't think I could do anything but love you Daisy. Genuinely. You showed me parts of myself that I had buried so deep inside of myself that I forgot they existed. You understood, well understand me better than anyone. You see my demons, you've faced the same ones, but you also see the good in me. When no one else did, you believed in me Daisy, and I'm just so thankful for you and the impact you had on me as a person. It wasn't always pretty, but I don't think real life ever is. What we had, it was real. What we are, it's real. You made me feel real again, and not like I was living in some fantasy world. You made me appreciate myself and the small things in life again, and again I can't thank you enough. You make me better, you made me better. Even on our worst days. Even when we were fighting and yelling and playing our silly little games. You made me better.

I hope you're getting the help you need. I really do. Because, D, you've got such a bright future ahead of you. I think I'm done with the whole rockstar life, but you? I can see you being a household name for generations to come. What we had with the six was great, but that's because you brought so much raw, beautiful talent to it. And now? Now you get to bring that raw, beautiful talent to your own career. Never give up Daisy, please never give up. I love you more than I can ever express.

Billy Dunne. ( p.s. I can't wait to hear all the songs you write about me, they're all deserved. )

[goeshardmoved]

it's become the norm now, day in and day out, more often than not, after a show billy would find himself rescuing daisy from herself. rescuing her from her own self-destruction. if he's honest, he sees so much of himself in her, sees his downward spiral, sees his life imploding, and part of him, a part that cares so much about daisy's well being doesn't want that for her. he'd be lying if he said he didn't care. daisy jones meant the world to billy dunne, and each time he had to come pull her out of pool, when she's too far gone to even walk, it broke his heart. they both knew she was better than this. he knew the real her, the little margaret jones who was inside, albeit deep down and walled up, but that inner child just wanted to feel safe.

gently, he lays her there, on the hotel room couch, moving around his room silently, trying to gather enough towels, wash clothes and a fresh set of his clothes for her. it's just the routine now. when everything is gathered, he's there, squatting beside her, gently wiping her face with the washcloth. it's a failed attempt to clean the smeared makeup off, she'd need a shower, but he's not sure he wants to attempt that. the question leaves her lips and it causes him to smile some, he can hear the sincerity in it. but the upturned lips quickly fade into a thin line following her next statement, brows furrowing as he continues to work on cleaning her face,

❝ I do it because I care. ❞ a soft whisper, stopping the motions of cleaning her face to look at her. ❝ it's not playing hero, we just both know if you go back to that room, back to your husband, that you're just going to get more fucked up, and we both know you don't want that. that it's not you. ❞ with a sigh he stands, moving down the small hall to the bathroom, opening the door and turning on the shower. ❝ we both know the real daisy, we both know she cares more about the music than to get wasted every fucking second of every day. ❞ voice is only raised because he's far away, softening again as he comes back to her, helping her sit up and starting to undress her. ❝ now come on, lets get you showered, you smell like a bar full of potheads that was flooded by a pool. look like you fought a raccoon too. ❞

she  doesn't  remember  calling  him.  hotel  pool  closed  after  hours  ,  but  they  had  just  gotten  back  from  a  show.  and  rules  had  never  stopped  daisy  before.   time  is  lost  there,  floating  into  nothingness.  she's  barely  there  ,  when  he  shows  up  ,  limp  when  she's  thrown  over  his  shoulder.   there's  a  usual  fight  from  her  ,  but  instead  it  isn't  there.  daisy  doesn't  want  to  go  back  to  her  room  ,  back  to  nicky.     she had managed to sneak away from the after party , a disappearing act. it's unspoken between them , nights like this always ended up in @goeshard 's room anyways. it's a blur , from the pool to his room. she's talking , laughing but it all sounds like nonsense echoing in her own ears. she hates herself , for letting him see her like this. for him being the one to always clean her up.

placed on the couch in wet clothes , make-up smeared and streaking down her face. ❝  why do you do this ?  ❞ a genuine question , not the one that's always loaded with sarcasm or meant to start an argument between them. why is he always there? ❝  does it make you feel better , to play hero?  ❞ there it is , that low blow that she always manages to swing at him. she didn't deserve this. she didn't deserve billy dunne.

[goeshardmoved]

on july 12th , 1977 daisy jones & the six performed to a sold out crowd at soldier field in chicago, illinois. they were one of the biggest bands in the world at the time. fresh off their award-winning, multi-platinum selling album aurora. it would be their final performance.

goeshard. an independent and private roleplay blog for billy dunne of daisy jones & the six. written based upon personal interpretation with influences from both the book and mini-series. written by catie. she / they, twenty four, cst. guidelines are under the cut !

everything that made daisy burn, made me burn. we were two halves.

triggering themes will be present on this blog including drug use , alcoholism , and others ! please follow at your own discretion.

001, activity. i recently just moved in with my partner and our four children. this is a big change, and quite frankly, i'm still adjusting to parenthood, settling into my new home, in a very committed relationship, and very family oriented. roleplay doesn't always fall on my priority list, and when it does, it's usually quite low on it. my partner and my children are my top priority. i will be here as much as i can be / want to be, please do not harass me about my activity.

002, selectivity. this blog is private and selective, meaning i only write with mutuals, and even then, i may be selective in doing so. If i follow you it means i enjoy your character and your portrayal of said character, and most likely want to write with you. my ims are always open to plotting, please reach out if interested i probably am too!

003, out of character. interactions out of character are a surefire way to ensure that our threads remain interesting to me and boosts my desire to write them. this isn't me playing favorites i'm just more comfortable with people i know outside of our characters.

004, memes and replies. memes are open to any and all mutuals, and most likely will be treated as starters. starter calls are very unlikely on this blog. all i ask is that if a meme is being continued please do so in a new post.

005, graphic and mature content. due to the nature of billy dunne as a character and his story, and how heavily addiction to alcohol and drugs play into it, i will most likely not be tagging these things. mature themes will be present, seeing as in both mun and muse are 21+. if you need anything tagged, please do not hesitate to ask. i will tag it without hesitation. ( i.e. tw bananas )

006, affiliation and exclusivity. i am heavily affiliated and exclusive with @selfruin. my main verse is plotted with her heavily, and most things will be placed in this verse. I WILL NOT WRITE WITH ANY OTHER DAISYS, but i am open to other ships. if you are interested in exclusivity or affiliation please reach out.