goingutterlyinsane

[goingutterlyinsane]

I am alive btw just disappeared, I have now finished school too.

The whole grief situation is also a lot rn, Wednesday we buried grans and grandads urns together, I cried. I miss them so much. I also still haven't fully processed grans death and it's been over 7 months now. I can't accept that she's gone I need her here with me I keep finding everything physically possible to make it seem that she's still with me because I can't handle the grief.

[goingutterlyinsane]

I really wish I could just die

[goingutterlyinsane]

Incredibly close to grabbing it and doing something I know I'll regret tomorrow.

Doesn't help that my first exam is tomorrow and I'm starting to get anxious.

I need to feel something. I need to feel pain.

I want to so bad.

I stood and stared at it but then dad walked in so I walked away.

It's so tempting.

[goingutterlyinsane]

Time is moving so slow right now. I need to talk to him or someone before I take matters into my own hands. My first GCSE is also Monday. I'm so fucked. I need help. I know I do. Or I just need my life to end. Either works.

[goingutterlyinsane]

I'm going fucking insane.

[goingutterlyinsane]

“Are you okay?”

“No”

“Are you ever okay?”

“No”

[goingutterlyinsane]

Stupid stupid stupid.

[goingutterlyinsane]

The thing is, no one cares how hard you’re trying. They just want you to pass their expectations. Anything less means you’re lazy. What a brutal world we’re living in right now.

[goingutterlyinsane]

I’m not angry, I’m hurt

I’m screaming so you know

[goingutterlyinsane]

staying alive is becoming less and less tempting

[goingutterlyinsane]

TW FOR EMETAPHOPICS!!

Great back to throwing up everytime I get incredibly anxious ffs.

It's my schools leavers day today and I'm so anxious for some reason. It's not even like I'm properly leaving, my study leave is later this month for my GCSEs meaning I'll still be in school. I don't know what is going on but I'm so anxious and I threw up again because of it. Kmn istg.

[goingutterlyinsane]

"ill never leave you" liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar

[goingutterlyinsane]

why does it feel like everyone is lying to me.

[goingutterlyinsane]

I wish my life was so bad, that I actually had a reason to kms

[goingutterlyinsane]

I’ve been fighting for survival since I was a child.

[goingutterlyinsane]

Why do I even bother talking?

[goingutterlyinsane]

This stupid addition is ruining my life more and more for fucks sake. Didn't know I could keep going down hill. Just kill me now.