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goldiecox34 · 7 years ago

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Melancholy nights o’er the Irish Sea.

The night voyage from Holyhead with Irish ferries is just the sort of carnival of misery that I find perversely enticing...

Best likened to a floating Wetherspoons in bleak mid February, the ship and its shadow people passengers seem to exist in a parallel realm all of their own. Apparently frozen at some point in 1993, the vessel is also somehow timeless, gracelessly clad in mismatched and dulling upholsteries and home to malfunctioning recliner chairs and a gaudy mirrored dining room that looks disturbingly like the original stage set from Bruce’s Price is Right.

Like a lady of a certain age with a permed mullet, this ferry seems to have found her look some time ago, sticking with it through the decades, impervious to the societal pressures of the day and even the polite advice of friends and relatives.

An hour or so emersed in my own personal twilight zone, I perch uncomfortably in what is generously described as a ‘lounge area’. My fellow passengers and I stare mindlessly at an improperly mounted flatscreen showing a perpetual loop of Sky Movie previews for upwards of an hour until the threat of real and lasting brain damage scares me to my feet.

Upright and mostly sentient, I slump to the sea slicked outer decks to take the airs and casually contemplate just how deep the water below might be and just how long I’d survive should i fall/ jump in. My musings on the specific ins and outs of a possible watery death give way to hunger though, and I decide to venture to the Canteen, sliding my brown plastic tray along the serving rails and happily fill my plate with school dinner favourites like chicken breasts as tough and oddly shiny as a pair of stiff leather brogues, off brand baked beans and mixed veg boiled to within an inch of its sad and lonely life, thankfully ensuring at the very least that no real nutritional benefit will be imparted today.

My spectral sejourn in shadowland seems complete when a strange child passenger next to me starts to whistle a high and lonesome rendition of much loathed Neil Diamond chestnut ‘Sweet Caroline’, seemingly apropos of nothing.

A fitting soundtrack to this, my maritime dark night of the soul.

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goldiecox34 · 7 years ago

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Valentines day…

A day for all you happy Couples, throuples and other less easily categorisable polyamorous groupings. Hastily procuring garage forecourt bouquets, reduced price matchmakers (just some mild superficial damage!) and gearing up for that romantic Marksies meal deal and Netflix marathon.

But this post isn’t for you�� It doesn’t concern you and frankly you’re only even welcome to continue reading because, realistically, who am I to discriminate when my readership rarely troubles the heady heights of double figures?

No this is a post for all the blissfully and or bitterly single heroes amongst us. Valiant individualists who for whatever reason (Social ineptitude, physical repugnance, extensive pet lizard collection) are flying solo once again this year and may need an uplifting playlist to pair with that low cost low effort ready meal they’ve been saving.

Below I’ve randomly assembled and wildly misinterpreted some of my favourite tracks in a bid to fit them to a hastily put together theme, paring them with several gourmet treats along the way. The time has come for we the untouchables to batten down the hatches for an evening spent slow dancing with our cats, alphabetising our semi precious stone collections or just getting stoshious in the bath with some vintage pornography!

-PJ Harvey. Rid of ME. - Raw offal,

For the scorned! Make him wish he never met her!

Announcing its self with slow building palm-mute guitar figure, a 90’s alternative rock answer to the Jaws theme, the mother of all revenge ballads may arrive with a whisper but it ends with a frenzied squeal…

‘lick my legs and I’m on fire.Lick my legs and I’m desire’

Okay, okay! Calm down babe,,,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36G15OR6jvY

-Frank Zappa Camarillo Brillo - Noodle Caboodle

Frank Zappa’s music is many contradictory things, perfectionist, wilfully messy, intellectual and or self sabotaging-ly goofy but always queasily over stuffed with jarring sound and almost uniformly unromantic!

This is a track for the proud freaks among us, forging out our own path, Camarillo Brillo spins the tale of a would be lady mystic out of Los Angeles, dressed in a filthy poncho with the haircut of a mental patient, someone that terrifyingly even Zappa thinks twice about shagging....

Dessert - Tinned peaches (with or without regalia)

Lemon Sorbet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nllWDc8_9lw

- The Fall Eat Y’self Fitter - Frey Bentos Pie

One for the singletons amongst us who understand the only way to properly wallow is to dementedly project your fears and insecurities about whether you’re good enough over a crashing motorised backbeat while gorging on cheap puff pastry and semi rendered hoof filling,

Starter - Pint and a John Player original

Desert - Pack of Fishermans friends and a John player smooth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFCOt6wbm80

-Betty Davis Anti-love song. Champagne and Chocolate covered strawberries (warm Stella with a pack of strawbs and a Yorkie bar in a pinch!)

The queen of sex positive funk doesn’t need romance, not when she’s got more than enough casual fun on her plate.

Listen up, the woman who managed to juggle Jimi Hendrix and Miles Davis must have a few tricks up her sleeve.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fxKBnR_8LIM

-Devo - Girl you want. - Sherbert Dib Dab

Containing all the spastic, gawky and misdirected energy of your nerdy friend watching a trailer for the new Marvel film, this one is for all you loveable nerds out there pining after the cool girl that got away, leaving you to your own devices once again this February 14th. Hang on in there!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fgqzJMJBSw

-John Grant . No More Tangles - Bear Claw pastry

This number goes to show that there’s joy to be had being unfettered and alive with no other half to drag you down.

Never one to let by gones be by gones, Grant still throws a few bitter jabs his ex’s way, relishing the fact that there’d be no more “reindeer games with narcissistic queers” Yass queen…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ce5PRboUaAM

-Diana Ross I’m coming out -Jolly Ranchers

Tributes to the joy of feeling freedom’s wind through your hair start end with ‘I’m coming out’… this effervescent banger never fails to get the serotonin flowing and may even offer temporary respite from a humdrum lonely life!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F-mjl63e0ms

The Cure - Boys don’t cry! - Iceland Black Forest Gateau,

You heard the man! Dry your eyes you pinko pansy!

Lady listeners feel free to continue weeping.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GkVhgIeGJQ

Thanks for reading single allies, now you can go back to systematically bringing down the more popular and successful members of your surrogate Sim family, leaving them crying in a pool of their own piss through sheer neglect and Carillion style financial mismanagement.

Much lOVE james and NIGEL

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goldiecox34 · 8 years ago

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Jane Weaver - God’s Waiting Room - Ulster Maple Leaf Club - 11.11.2017

Arriving at the Maple Leaf club I am transported back to a time when burnt orange anaglypta and avocado bath sets were still very much in vogue.

From the yellowed sign-in books to the garishly patterned carpets, Phoenix Nights style gold streamers and the seven quid bottles of wine, the venue is anachronistic to the point of surreal and for retrophiles like myself, wholly delicious!

I am here to attend the latest instalment of the David Holmes curated club night God’s Waiting Room which tonight features a star appearance from much vaunted electronic artist Jane Weaver. Though, making my way through the lounge bar where a local entertainer is performing an admittedly fairly solid version of Pretty Woman, I can’t help but wonder if I’m in the right place…

As I make my way into the back function room though, the 70’s social club aesthetic quickly dissolves, replaced instead with the hazy sounds of a superbly assembled post-rock and shoegaze playlist and the comforting sight of some wanky black and white film projections being cast upon the walls. I’m home!

Introducing Weaver to the audience, David Holmes congratulates the artist on having produced one of the best albums of the year with Modern Kosmology and kicking things off with a mighty rendition of H<A<K, she wastes little time proving that this accolade was no mere social nicety. The band deploy a throbbing krautrock groove that resonates deep in our ribs, topped off with buzzing vintage electronics and Weaver’s keening, cut glass vocals which wrap themselves expertly around the first of many near perfect melodies we’ll be treated to this evening.

A largely ethereal presence on record, Weavers music takes on a slightly harder edge in a live setting with weightier instrumentation and a voice which, while still crystalline and precise, seems to garner increased depth and gravitas on the stage.

Melodically and rhythmically her songs are shot through with reference points to both krautrock and Canterbury scene era psychedelia with nods to peers such as Broadcast and StereoLab. But despite the myriad of influences on display Weaver is always her own artist, in total control of her own astral by way of pastoral style, consistently finding the sweet spot between her bucolic folk melodies and futurist electronic explorations

A few songs into the set the band ease in to one of Weavers most winsome and delicately paced compositions ‘Slow Motion’ a song which opens with a shimmering, kaleidoscopic synth line and builds into a buoyant electronic ballad, a paean to finding solace from an often frightening world by taking sanctuary in love and nature:

“Stop listening to other people…’

“Let’s go outside when it doesn’t feel right,

We can disappear…”

Then in a change of gear, and we are treated to two of Weaver’s most well known tracks; her current single The Architect and 2015′s Don’t Take My Soul, possibly the two best examples of Weaver’s own alien approximation of pop music.

The former track arrives amid a blinking constellation of perfectly arranged beeps and glitches with an avalanche of cascading drums and easily provides the biggest crowd pleaser of the night. ‘Don’t Take my Soul’ gives Weaver a chance to showcase her agile, lemony soprano on the ear worming vocal melody which rides a rinky dink drum pattern and a lolloping electronic organ vamp.

Proceedings come to an end too soon with a stellar rendering of the pleading ‘I Need a Connection’ and the band are met with roaring applause. Weaver seems genuinely taken back by the warm welcome she’s received here in Belfast as her adoring public chant for more.

Following tonights note perfect, melody stuffed performance its obvious to all that the adulation is fully justified.

#jane weaver

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goldiecox34 · 8 years ago

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Macabre Melodies...Haunted harmonics...Creepy crescendos...

A lotta alliteration

It's an alternative Halloween playlist! 👻

I often describe myself as a plainclothes Goth. I know the ennui, I feel the gloom, it’s just that I’ve opted for a slightly lower maintenance wardrobe. As such, I await the arrival of autumn’s mellow fruitfulness and accompanying mists each year with considerable anticipation. The russet foliage and plummeting temperatures signalling clearly that Halloween is almost upon us.

Yes, Halloween, that absurdist, heavily corporatised pagan harvest festival we all know and love. A time of year when it’s traditionally said that the gap between the realms of the dead and the living narrows to its thinnest slither and, in more contemporary terms, the time when both children and adults can express their inner ghoul, indulging their lust for macabre theatrics and processed sugars.

Yet, no matter how shallow and materialistic the holiday becomes, Halloween will always have a place in my heart. The moonlit boozing, extravagant costumes, the preponderance of men in eye liner, the unbridled freedom of expression, all happening ‘neath an acrid cloud of classic Goth tracks and other dark, synth driven ballads of an 1980’s vintage. Songs like Echo and the Bunnymen’s ‘Killing Moon’, Siouxie’s 'Spellbound’… or almost anything by the Cure, all heavy scented with incense and festooned in cobwebs and romance.

But can we expand the typical Halloween playlist beyond Goth, New Wave and the occasional blast of the Monster Mash? I attest that there are unexpectedly ghoulish numbers in almost every genre!

Below are 10 of my picks for your perusal!

1. Maud Gone - Car Seat Headrest. With its dusty organ shuffle, love sick lyrics and hollow, reverb drenched vocals this track comes off as a haunted slow dance at a zombie prom. 'I know there’s a full moon every night, and when I dress in black it snows white’ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7E-h7j32uSk 2. Angie Baby -Helen Reddy This number may come off about as 70’s smooth and sickly sweet as a bowl of butterscotch Angel Delight but don’t be fooled, the dated orchestrations belie a seriously creepy tale of a mentally challenged girl who may not be quite as sweet and defenceless as we think… 'It’s so nice to be insane… No one asks you to explain’ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u8mGsis9nNo

3. Stinking Cloud - Thee Oh Sees There are quite literally dozens of Thee Oh Sees tracks eligible for this list based on creepy title points alone… but the charmingly named ‘Stinking Cloud’ wins out for me with its fatalistic message hidden in its carnivalesque arrangement and demented sing song melody. 'But it’s dead, dead, dead to the top of its head… But we’re dead, dead, dead as I’ve already said…’ Okay think we’re getting the picture mate… https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=PRRaTHVvR_Y 4. Tenebre remix 1982 - Goblin As the indisputable Kings of the 1970’s horror sound track, no Halloween play list would be complete without throwing a track by Italian Prog creepers, Goblin in the mix.

Tenebre is a demonic floor filler, as terrifying as it is funky!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=s_aejM_HEy0

5. Down by the River - PJ Harvey This slinky number released in 1995 rides a lazy river of soft distortion and slithering strings that sound somewhere between sumptuous and nauseating.

The songs catching tune lures us in as Peej recounts a charming tale of infanticide by drowning. 'Little fish big fish swimming in the water’ 'Come back here man give me my daughter’ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lbq4G1TjKYg 6. Long pig. Perfume genius With a synth line straight out of the Dawn of the Dead series, Perfume Genius beckons us into some disquieting territory on Long Pig (reportedly a Maori term for human flesh, just FYI).

His fey boyish voice repeating the baffling phrase: 'Long pig We buried the meat for Mama’ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=14b8dVUdgCE

7. Get out of my House! -Kate Bush The final track from Kate’s experimental and somewhat inaccessible 4th album sees an increasing desperate woman try to defend her house from unknown demonic intruders. The drama takes place over a din of slamming doors as Kate’s plainly mental vocal lines overlap and compete with one another for space as she plays every character in the tale herself, including but not limited to the terrified protagonist, the would be intruder, a French concierge and possibly the house itself!?

Things come to a head when she starts to aggressively bray like a possessed donkey…

Enough said! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aMDgvxbsvPw 8. Dark night of the Soul - Sparklehorse feat David Lynch As horrifying a sonic result as you’d expect from the meeting of Mark Linkous’ and David Lynch’s beautifully cracked minds! https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wbtUAlFN8po

9. Excitable boy - Warren Zevon Yes… Zevon’s track 'Werewolves of London’ may seem a more obvious choice for the season, but I try my best not to do obvious. 'Excitable boy’ the tale of a dangerous psychopath whose deranged and violent behaviour is continually ignored and put down to 'boys will be boys’ hijinx. The track’s pitch black humour and ear worm melody make this a Halloween classic you didn’t know you needed in your life. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4-pexSVWzM

10. A Night Like This -The Cure. Okay enough of my bullshit… Time at last for an actual classic. The Cure’s ’ 'A Night Like This’ is for my money one of the greatest songs of the eighties. Swooning, dark and velvety not to mention stuffed to the gills with melodrama and romantic tension.

I can think of no better song to sum up the peculiar beauty of Halloween! 'It goes dark It goes darker still…’ https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=KE1nu67-U2I

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goldiecox34 · 8 years ago

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The Dears - Empire Music Hall 16/10/17

In the wake of 'hurricane' Ophelia, which in Belfast at least seems to have been an exercise in fake news on a par with Bird flu or the 'Bowling Green massacre', it's important to remember that activities were actually scheduled to take place on Monday. That's is activities other than gathering candles and weighing down our wheelie bins. With schools and offices closed and the suitably media ruffled elderly racing to Makro to stock up on multi packs of baked beans and other non perishables, it's hard to imagine that people actually had Weddings and funerals booked, corporate events planned and, most importantly, gigs scheduled!

The Dear's appearance at the near empty Empire music hall on Monday was one such gig and even with only a paltry number of punters in attendance, the Montreal natives did not disappoint. Unleashing their huge choruses and sexy, noir-ish take on indie rock with enough vim and vigour to render the empty pews irrelevant.

The Dears were a pretty big concern in the indie sphere circa 2003, having loudly announced themselves with the spectacular break out single 'Lost in the Plot; forging a sound that fused a dark electronic palette with the rakish swagger of Serge Gainsbourg and the lush orchestral tones of Lee Hazlewood. Fronted by the husband and wife duo, charismatic guitarist and vocalist Murray Lightburn and keyboardist and vocalist Natalia Yanchak, the band began proceedings launching into their latest single 'Taking it to the Grave'. The track, a tale of love and liberation in the face of an apocalypse, is very much a song for our times, set to ominous keyboard lines, some snappy Spanish guitar picking and clanging percussion. Walls of electric guitar feedback and splashy cymbals collided in the bombast of the first of many huge choruses that evening, Yanchak's high wavering voice melding with Lightburn's strident baritone singing: "If i can't get home to you... I guess we're taking it to the grave."

Lightburn effortlessly exuded a louche, lounge lizard persona,l theough out, stalking the stage seductively in a pair of shades, crooning lugubriously and intermittently unleashing his thrilling lupine howl. Frequently and somewhat aptly compared vocally to Morrissey, it must be said that Lightburn is a stronger and more versatile singer than Moz, and here sings virtuosically throughout the evening. The true power of his voice really makes its self known on 'All the hail Marys' a sultry, pleading nunber that showcases his nimble falsetto as well as a breathtaking belting range during the haunted wails of the song's outro. The Dears sound has remained pretty constant throughout their long career, but employing elements like the occasional Spanish style percussion, off kilter keyboard tones and the obvious marital chemistry present in Lightburn and Yanchak's vocal Interplay the band succeeds in keeping their sound fresh, never once sounding dated during the performance. The gig came to a close with the departure of four members of the band, leaving Lightburn to took centre stage for a solo encore, treating us to a doleful acoustic rendering of 'Ticket to Inmortality'.

Before taking his leave Lightburn briefly thanked the courageous few In attendance for braving the storm, piquantly noting that 'in Canada we get some real weather... this is nothing...' It's a shame that more people didn't witness the excellent performance but rather selfishly I must confess that the near deserted Victorian music hall made a pretty perfect locale for The Dear's particular brand of end days cabaret...

Top tracks:

Crisis 1 & 2

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ajLNFuu88rI

Lost in the Plot

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=u0zRxxBKZ1A

Taking it to the grave:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WGqAxu50mBI

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goldiecox34 · 8 years ago

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Morrissey - It just isn't like the old days anymore!

A review of latest single 'Spent the day in bed'

Remaining impartial enough to effectively review a Morrissey release is no mean feat these days, least of all for self proclaimed mozzophiles like myself. No matter what wearingly 'controversial' or racist shit he comes out with, or which tired musical path he deigns to stamp down for the third or fourth time, our ears still prick up lovingly at the sound of our master's dour and lisping voice. For many of us of a slightly disaffected or romantic bent, Morrissey has always been king; a maudlin mariachi for the industrial north whose best work uniquely crystallises the ache and sweetness of alienation and unrequited love. Frankly, the role he has played in the adolescence of many lonely, queer, and otherwise Ill fitting characters cannot be underestimated and from this perspective the fanaticism he inspires is understandable. But the bratty and divisive Morrissey of 2017 and his recent spate of rigour-lacking polemics have left even devoted fans and apologists losing patience.

And so it is with caution that I approach Morrissey's latest opus, trying to ensure I separate Morrissey the icon and artist from Morrissey the jaded human Daily Mail headline generator all the while trying to remember what It is I love about him.

The track opens with a jaunty hopscotching fender Rhodes motif, a slightly jarring gambit for those familiar with Morrissey's usual jangly layered guitars but as the lugubrious, self satisfied vocals kick in we're back in familiar territory. Morrissey intones proudly that he 'spent the day in bed, as the workers stay and slave' and the track bounces along with a propulsive bass line before breaking into one of the more rousing choruses in Morrissey's recent catalogue. He's in strong sonorous voice, passionately advising that we 'stop watching the news... because the news contrives to frighten you.' and given the insane political climate of these apparent end days, it's hard to argue with his sentiment!

The thought of opting out of work is similarly titillating, God knows there have been days when I'd have gladly welcomed the cold kiss of death rather than get out of bed and catch the bus in the Northern Irish Perma-drizzle. But let's be clear here Mozz is not advocating some kind of righteous industrial action or even a lame Lennon-esque bed protest, he is simply suggesting that we stay in bed and don't go to work... The only end game being to presumably leave an emaciated but well rested corpse in our beds once the food runs out, knowing at the very least that we'd stuck it to the man... It might seem like Morrissey doesn't know how to give us advice anymore with out preaching to us from a position of extreme privilege but to be fair he has consistently been asking us to opt out of our societal duties and live off the state for over 30 years now, right from the release of The Smiths debut album at a time when I imagine his sheets were polyester blend rather than Egyptian cotton.

The man Is nothing if not consistent!

The Middle eight of the song arrives with more Rhodes keyboard set to a slower tempo and backlit with lovely synthetic string section as Morrissey croons 'Time do as I wish... time do as I wish...'. Willing the very dimensions to move to his beat. It then fades out with Morrissey reciting the mantra 'no bus, no bus, no train, no train... presumably while propped up snugly on his bed pillows gearing up to watch 'Loose Women' with the curtains drawn and his phone on airplane mode. The song does not reinvent any wheels or revolutionise the patented Morrissey formula but nor is it an abject failure. In fact, by Morrissey standards it's a downright feel good track, framing a personal day as grande cultural rebellion. It's also catchy enough that I've found myself humming it (ironically) on the bus...

Hoping things will change by staying in bed and ignoring the world may be about as effective a strategy as screaming at the rain hoping it will stop... but hey, that can make you feel a lot better too!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iL_-GwbEP4g

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goldiecox34 · 8 years ago

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Walter Becker 1950-2017

My dad, a life long Steely Dan fan, introduced me to the band when I was but a child and as such I spent a lot of the nineties listening to the 70's soft rock titans whether I wanted to or not! I was by no means an immediate fan and in fact always felt vaguely nauseated by their wonky guitars and the overly slick eighties sheen of their later records... Even today I must confess to visibly wincing at some of the more dated sounds in their records... But as with a bitter kalamata olive or a complex Vintage wine (I assume, not having the money to test the theory)) it just took a little time to break past their inaccessible veneer and begin to truly appreciate the sheer complexity and nuance of their musicianship and the odd genius of their songwriting. By the time I reached my early twenties I was spending more and more time adrift and aghast, lost in the bands's cosmic harmonies and warped time signatures. I have been a Steely Dan zealot ever since. The news that Walter Becker had sadly departed came to me as I absentmindedly scrolled through my news feed at the end of an amazing Margaret Glaspy gig, it swiftly brought me down to earth. Becker was by all accounts a stand up dude: erudite, funny and good natured, even after over coming a very tough childhood and some pretty serious substance abuse problems later in life. He was also a funky, brainy and strident bassist and guitarist, playfully skewing and slanting knowingly cheesy and well trodden jazz and rnb licks in his own crooked off kilter style. Like a musical fun house mirror he thrillingly blurred the lines between pastiche and homage. As well as a world class player he was also a consummate songwriter, helping to create a catchy, thought provoking and highly intellectual body of work with collaborator Donald Fagan. Composing in tandem, the pair became as a sort of smart arsed, shade throwing answer to McCartney and Lennon, creating music festooned with clever allusions to rag time, Dixie land, classic rock and roll and Caribbean music. Never ones to use a c major chord where a bizarre jazz voicing or 'MU chord' would do, the duo simultaneously elevated rock music and opened up and popularised the more esoteric and snobbish elements of jazz and fusion to a wider public. Lyrically the songs are every bit as dense and knotted as they are melodically and you would require an annotated cliffsNotes to have any chance of deciphering even the simpler numbers in their canon. Socially conscious and cynical by nature Becker didn't shy away from turning the bands searing critical lens on their trust fund hippie and scenester peers and audience. Scathing numbers like 'Only a Fool would say that' and 'Showbiz kids' breezily cast an acrid pall over the sunny Hippy movement. Calling out the shallow privileged aspects the post beat generations underworked oversexed ethos just as skilfully as other cuckoos in the hippy nest like Zappa in 'Cosmic debris ' or Joan Didion in 'Slouching towards Bethlehem'. Although Fagan was the recognisable face and voice of the band with his signature sneering nasal tones and flashy piano motifs, the song writing and envelope pushing production decisions were always the product of careful democratic collaboration. Becker's death signals the end of this legendary partnership which spanned for over 50 years. The legacy of the the Dan's melodies live on though and can now be heard everywhere from Thundercat's Yacht rock meets Mingus explorations to Mac Demarco's irony smeared slacker melancholia. There is little doubt that music lovers owe a great debt to this great man even if they don't realise it.

Feast your ears on some of my favourites: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q57z6W46OUc https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zv33-2CX3JU https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aJ3OZEiM9OQ

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goldiecox34 · 8 years ago

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Drunken Noodling -How to make Pad Kee Mao.

So it's Sunday morning, you've suddenly regained consciousness having indulged in a titanic feed of drink and a rake of fegs. Maybe a questionable dalliance? Ruined a beloved shirt? verbally attacked a loved one? you know yourself.... After a cold morning of crouched recollections and self recrimination you'll likely be ready for some greasy sustenance.... but don't just reach for that expired bacon in the fridge or set out on a harrowing journey through the wilderness to the nearest KFC... there are other more alluring options! The drunken noodle, so named not for its alcoholic content but for its fevered popularity amongst the hungover residents of Thailand and Laos, is a dish that really has everything you need to help ease the nausea and deep existential dread associated with bacchanalian excesses. Savoury umami notes, fiery spice, invigorating tang, complex aromatics and a little sweet relief in the form of palm sugar, this dish has it all! However, although the dish isn't particularly difficult to make, it should be noted that unlike the average Thai hangover sufferer we do not have the luxury of abundant food stalls ready to sling a steaming bowl of drunken noodles at a moments notice... Bearing this in mind it may be advisable to 'Blue Peter it' and make up a batch for later consumption before you neck that first Carlsberg. Needless to say you probably won't feel like preparing a marinade in the morning.

Ingredients: Cooking oil - ground nut Marinade: Lime juice - half a small lime Fish sauce - a good glug Soy sauce - a few teaspoons Pinch of sugar Pinch of salt Spoon full Cornflour Meat Sirloin steak - one Vegetables and aromatics One large carrot One green pepper One banana shallot 1-4 Birdseye chillies depending on how hot you like it! 4 to 8 cloves of garlic depending on how garlicy you like it Thumb size piece of ginger (once again this can be increased to taste) Thumb size piece is galangal Holy basil (regular Italian basil in a pinch) Spring onions

Green vegetables such as fine beans and broccoli go excellently with this dish though they are optional Flat or udon noodles Soy sauce oyster sauce Rice wine vinegar Palm sugar Black pepper Lime juice

Method 1. First of all take a moment to centre yourself, find a heavy blunt instrument and really beat the shit out of your steak. Keep going until the vice like grip of all of life's anxieties and expectations starts to loosen. At this point the steak should be sufficiently tender.

2. Next rub the both sides of the steak with coarse sea salt and cut it into small bite size pieces and place in a bowl.

3. In the same bowl add your marinade ingredients, leaving the corn flour until last and mix together. The cornflour will make sure the meat cooks perfectly with a very slight coating in a process known as 'feathering'. The marinating meat should be kept in the fridge for at least an hour.

4. While the meat is marinating it is time to start the laborious process of vegetable prep. Chop the shallots, garlic ginger, galangal, chilis, carrots and peppers as finely as you can. I typically start this process slicing with deft almost autistic precision but quickly develop a devil may care attitude to shape and uniformity as time goes on... but remember that the finer you chop garlic, ginger and chilli the stronger their taste will be!

5. Once the meat is marinated, place a wok on a high heat with a little ground nut oil and flash fry the steak for about a minute just until sealed but rare inside and set on a plate for later.

6. Next, in the same wok add your shallots and fry on a medium heat for around 2 minutes adding salt and a pinch of sugar. Then add your garlic and fry for a further minute.

7. At this point start to add the other vegetables carrots, green peppers and the white parts of your spring onions as well as the chipped Birdseye chillies, ginger and galangal.

8. Boil your noodles on another burner and steam the broccoli and fine beans if you've decided to use them

9. Add the meat back into your vegetables and toss with a few table spoons of oyster sauce, a table spoon of rice wine vinegar, a few glugs of fish sauce and a table spoon of palm sugar/honey.

10. Once your noodles and or green veg is cooked add them to your walk and toss to coat with the sauce.

11. Shred around 8 or 9 leaves of basil and toss them around the wok.

12. Add the green parts of the spring onion, a generous squeeze of lime juice and a few twists of black pepper

Arroy mak mak!!

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