Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Gambler
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I’m over wishing I was normal
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Thank fucking Christ it’s growing out
In my teenage dirtbag era but I’m still pretty cute
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I finally got my draft date and I’m back to freaking out!!!
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Listen, I am unbearably lonely.
I don’t mean lonely like I miss my friends in Jerusalem when I’m in Tel Aviv.
Or like I miss my little brother when the credits roll on a movie I finished by myself.
I don’t even mean lonely like I miss my bulletproof stockings when I’m at the beach in a bikini.
I mean lonely like-
I am lonely when I eat my cereal in the morning.
I am lonely when I take a shower, when I open my mail, when I’m at work, when I’m at school. I’m lonely at the office, at the bus stop, at the library, at my best friend’s apartment, at my family reunion.
From the moment I wake up in the morning til the moment I go to sleep,
I am undeniably
unrelentingly
unchangingly
alone in the world.
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I’ve chilled out way too much and it’s not healthy. I’ve lost my filter in social situations and my sense of humor is way too abrasive for most people.
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I’m ok. Had a super fun chag with Shevy and Immbimm
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Nvm I got the second worst haircut of my life and I look like a soviet refugee c. 1991
In my teenage dirtbag era but I’m still pretty cute
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In my teenage dirtbag era but I’m still pretty cute
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Look how gorgeous
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My last few posts have been pretty negative, and I'm not as miserable as it would seem! I enjoy my work, I have ten good friends, and I am not broke. Things to be grateful for. Tonight I'm forcing myself to be social and invited Sandy and Haya out for drinks. I'm gonna wear my pink dress and feel good.
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Dawn by Luis Ricardo Falero (1883)
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YOU are consuming media. I’m letting it consume me
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God I hate my weight. I was 160 when I made Aliyah, lost 20 pounds, and gained 25 back.
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I hate myself
Binged purged smoked drank a bottle of wine by myself
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Starting to remember why I choose not to live with my family.
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