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“Dear someone, last time I wrote to you, I was broken. I didn’t know what to do with myself after you had left, and it felt like I was forever stuck in the same place you left me. I’m better now. Since then, I moved to a bigger city, met new people and saw many new places. I’m building a life for myself. A life that will hopefully be filled with happiness and love. I’m building myself a future in which I am the most important person in it. I’ve stopped being just a secondary character in this beautiful play I call life. I’m tending to my needs first before I look right and left to tend to someone else’s. That doesn’t mean that I’ve become cold, doesn’t mean that I’ve lost my kindness and warmth. It means that at the end of the day I’m leaving some of the good for me too. After you had left me, I didn’t think that I’d ever feel happiness again. I thought that life was meant to be miserable and grey. And whilst life is hard, it is also a composition of all the beautiful, magnificent things. It’s waking up in the morning, realising that you have the day off and that you can roll around in bed just a little longer. It is drinking coffee at your favourite place, and spending time with your favourite people. It is educating yourself and always striving to be better. But it’s also crying your eyes out because nothing makes sense, and feeling better afterwards. Since you left me, I’ve accomplished a list of things I thought I was unable to accomplish. I live on my own now, and while it’s scary and lonely sometimes it’s also the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m living hundreds of kilometres away from home and I now know the true definition of home. I know that I’ve changed and that I will continue to change, but I also know that my feelings for certain people will never change. Today I know that distance means nothing if the love and friendship are real. You may have taught me a lot but you leaving me has taught me even more. It’s taught me strength and courage, taught me heartbreak and loss. It’s taught me about love and friendship. It’s taught me a lot about me too. It’s shown me the lengths I go to see other people happy, and how some will never appreciate that. It’s made me realise that I’m a good person that’s been hurt by bad people. But there are good people out there, and one day I will find that one good person that will turn out to be the best person. I can’t wait for that moment but I know that I have a lot of heartbreak to go through until then, because quite frankly, good things don’t come easy. But more often than not, it’s not about the destination but about the journey anyway. You were a huge part of my journey and I’m thankful for that. And whilst my journey hasn’t ended, I’m past the part with you in it. That’s why I’m writing you today. This is goodbye - forever - because I now know that our paths won’t ever cross again, and I’m more than okay with that. Love always, e.”

— e.s. // dear someone. II

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hoodie szn

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memories overload.

“Confidently Lost” a collection of thoughts 🥀available here

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Mentre non c'eri

ho imparato l'alfabeto

e le sottrazioni,

ho imparato ad andare in bici,

sono stata premiata per il mio modo di scrivere

ho vinto sette partite di pallacanestro

ho avuto amici nuovi

e sono diventata signorina.

Mentre non c'eri

ho dato il mio primo bacio

mi sono ubriacata per la prima volta

ho iniziato a fumare

sono stata delusa tante volte

e ho deluso a mia volta.

Mentre non c'eri

ho visto l'alba

i miei occhi brillare,

ho imparato a nuotare,

ho avuto attacchi di panico

che mi facevano indebolire i capelli

ho guardato il cielo stellato

della notte di San Lorenzo,

ho pensato di non farcela

e invece non era vero niente.

Mentre non c'eri

ho brindato,

ho cavalcato l'onda,

ho viaggiato da sola,

ho tatuato il tuo nome,

mi sono ritrivata spesso in situazioni più grandi di me

che ho dovuto battere da sola.

Mentre non c'eri

ti ho dedicato tutte le mie vittorie,

il mio scopo nella vita,

ho sofferto tanto,

mi sono fatta male

e ho cicatrici che continuano a sanguinare.

Mentre non c'eri

ti ho pensato in silenzio

ho implorato il tuo ritorno

di notte

mentre nessuno poteva vedermi crollare.

Ma la cosa che faceva più male

era voltarmi

e accorgermi ogni volta

che tu non eri lì.

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forbidden 

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Our time is up

Your eyes are shut

I won't get to tell you what

I needed you to know

It's dark enough

The moonlight doesn't show

And all my love

Could never bring you home

There's no more stars to find

And I'm too far behind

And I'd love to let you go

I'd love to let you go

You're all that's on my mind

I called a thousand times

And I have to let you go

But I love you more and more than you could know

I sat alone

Awaited your reply

Was driven home

When I started to cry

I should've known

I should've said goodbye

I only hoped

I would've had more time

There's no more stars to find

And I'm too far behind

And I'd love to let you go

I'd love to let you go

You're all that's on my mind

When I called a thousand times

And I have to let you go

But I love you more and more than you could know

We're both too young

To live and die this way

A sunny summer day

With so much left to say

Not 21

The 18th out of pain

The day you couldn't stay

You made me wanna pray

But I think God's fake

There's no more stars to find

And I'm too far behind

And I'd love to let you go

I'd love to let you go

You're all that's on my mind

When I called a thousand times

And I have to let you go

But I love you more and more and more and more and more

More and more, more and more and more than you will ever know

You will never know

You will never know

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The Kominsky method

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