goodbyeapathy8 - Tumblr blog

[goodbyeapathy8]

reblog if you’ve read fanfictions that are more professional, better written than some actual novels. I’m trying to see something

[goodbyeapathy8]

To die for the revolution is a one-shot deal; to live for the revolution means taking on the more difficult commitment of changing our day-to-day life patterns. - Frances M. Beal, Black feminist (who is still alive, by the way!)

I first read that quote in high school and it has stuck with me for all these years.

When I was a very suicidal trans activist in Texas, Benjamin Sisko saying “sure, you would [die for your people]. Dying gets you off the hook. The question is: are you willing to live for your people?” changed and possibly saved my life. It’s up there with “if we are going to be damned, let us be damned for who we really are” from Picard. Star Trek not only shows us a better world, it teaches us how to make it there

[goodbyeapathy8]

Disability representation in dramas

Minor spoilers up to episode 16 of "Will Love in Spring" below.

Initially, this was going to be an appreciation post for the drama because episode 15 and 16 have been my two favorites so far.

But now, it's going to be part vent and part educational post about what it's like to be disabled because I made the mistake of going on MyDramaList and reading some ableist comments about Zhou Youtong's character, Zhuang Jie.

There were quite a few comments calling her character "toxic" for various reasons. And yes, I realize I am absolutely projecting here as another disabled person but that is PRECISELY why I wanted to address this nonsense.

No matter how much therapy you go through, society is a continual uphill struggle for those of us who have to live with one or multiple disabilities. Daily. People will judge you for something that is out of your control and it will hurt you. And sometimes that will make you hurt others.

There will be unhealed traumas. There will be traumas that get triggered, no matter how much "work" you do on them.

I am not an amputee, like Zhuang Jie. But I do have disabilities that have changed my personality and make me react in ways that do not seem "normal" or "healthy" to the able bodied person.

What I love the most about this drama is that it shows a very complex and nuanced portrayal of Zhuang Jie. And I think able bodied people are NOT used to this AT ALL because they've only seen sunny, "live laugh love" representations of disabled people in popular media. We're supposed to be strong and optimistic and be an "obvious" choice to be the perfect romantic lead.

She's messy, and that's what endears her to me.

Intimacy in particular, is a subject that media shies away from showing, especially with obvious physical disabilities. But I was so impressed with how they handled her issues surrounding her prosthetic and everything she explained at the end of episode 16.

People have told her she "only deserves" to be with someone who is also disabled. To be pitied. A man expressed disgust at her body and that was enough to close up her vulnerabilities for years.

Even the most optimistic person will feel the pain of having to deal with that type of judgment and expecting her to be completely open and "green flag central" is incredibly unrealistic and ableist.

It is especially complex to be able bodied (like Zhuang Jie) and then become disabled due to an event or illness. I wouldn't say one is harder than the other, whether to be born disabled or to have it happen suddenly but as someone with both forms - there's a specifically cruel aspect to being used to having something and then having it taken away.

Anyway. I am going to stop here although I could write a whole novel on the ableism of viewers when it comes to disability representation in popular media. (Please never get me started on Extraordinary Attorney Woo -_- )

I'm going to end this with... yes, Zhuang Jie is a fictional character. But disability itself is not a fictional concept and what you say about disabled characters is oftentimes a reflection of your internalized ableism and not some pert/accurate analysis of the character.

[goodbyeapathy8]

there's no greater betrayal than finally starting to read a book you've had sitting for months on your shelf or your desk or your nightstand and then finding out it's bad. like. i gave you a fucking home.

[goodbyeapathy8]

What is dat *aggressively scuttles* 

(via)

[goodbyeapathy8]

This was so bizarre.

Got the most random comments from a user as a reply on this post??

Obviously blocked but wowwwwww do people need help instead of smashing keys.

Had a not great Internet Day today.

Posted a video about my toxic experience with Korean companies, linked to a Black creator who posted about her terrible (and racist) experience working for Ebin (NYC).

Received a ton of anti-Asian comments. This always happens with any criticism I post up about Korea. People take it as an excuse to be racist towards Koreans in general, Asians, and of course - they misgender me. I get personally attacked, too.

It's beyond exhausting. I'm thinking of making the video private tomorrow. I've got comments limited to mutuals for now but I'm tired of even seeing the video on my page.

A lot of it also has to do with the trauma that stems from the 3 years I was bullied horribly at work. It was already a really tough story to share and, after some thought, it looks like I'm not ready to deal with it still. It's been almost a full year since I was fired (wrongfully) last August... but I still have nightmares.

Not looking forward to sleep tonight. Had a ton of flashbacks during the day.

May take a step back from posting in general. Last week was the TERFs (and racists), this week it's anti-Asian racists.

I say this for the millionth time but marginalized folks who are open about parts of their identity (like me being a nonbinary Korean) suffer the most hate online.

[goodbyeapathy8]

Please does anybody have the picture of the orange kitten sitting in front of old yellowed wood paneling and it’s smiling like this. The post where I saw it went something like “little kids before they learn how to smile in photos”

[goodbyeapathy8]

My readers making connections and going crazy with the deep lore of my writing

Me who planned nothing and just typed out whatever random string of words my brain whispered to me today

[goodbyeapathy8]

Will Love In Spring (ongoing drama) review so far. Spoilers for up to episode 12 below.

Chen Maidong First and foremost, the most random observation I *have* to make : why is Chen Maidong's name so yellable? LOL Like CHEN MAIDONG WHEN I CATCH YOU CHEN MAIDONG!

Speaking of Chen Maidong... I think it'd be too easy to characterize him as a red flag (okay, given my personal history, maybe I'm not the best person to make this argument but, hear me out). I think he's represented more as a complex, imperfect character. Definitely not a knight in shining armor but also not a complete liú máng or hún dàn.

Argument 1) if Zhuang Jie didn't call out his issues (like him not letting go of the grievances he has towards his parents) - then yeah. Put him down as a red flag. But they discuss his past, her past, and I think they're transparent about the fact that neither are perfect people or good at relationships.

Argument 2) The drama does a fairly good job at representing the different personality aspects of Chen Maidong (CM from here on out). CM at work = gravitas. Respect. Utmost professional. CM with his friends = a glimpse of his mischievous/troubled past self from high school. CM with Chen Nai Nai = also a bit mischievous, bit gruff, but an obviously devoted grandson as well.

I'm not a huuuuuge fan of the grabbing and kabedon-ing but also those aren't dealbreakers for me in analyzing his character. This is fiction, a drama, and while that doesn't fly in real life (huge red flag in real life!) I can overlook it as more "relationship/personality flaws" than OMFG ZHUANG JIE RUN GIRL RUN.

Xixia/Cui Ge However, the main point of this post is our beloved (to me) side couple, City Girl and truly MVP of besties Xixia and the mysterious??? Cui Ge.

It legitimately took a minute for my brain to reconcile the smooth, suave, dangerous mafia type dude in a black suit from episode 9 (funeral home scene) with the goofy dude waving hello at the mall.

But I double checked! Today! Right before typing this post up and it IS indeed our Cui Ge. I'm wondering if there's an additional background to him or if the drama will show him like CM, with multiple facets.

I'd say 99% of the time, I am not a fan of side couples. At all. Most of them feel like a waste, their stories are never interesting (more of a distraction), and rarely am I enamored with the casting. Not really the fault of the actors but the lazy scriptwriting that's done where they become an afterthought.

Xixia/Cui Ge though? I'm so invested.

The drama has done a fabulous job of building up Xixia as a believable character in her own right. Although we don't have too many scenes with her, we know enough about her where we can predict her being not too impressed at all with Cui Ge during the lunch scene.

The amount of second hand cringe I felt during that entiiiiire scene, up until the end where he reached across to acupressure massage her scalp, I was screaming no no no CUI GE DON'T DO IT DON'T- welp.

It'll be interesting to see Xixia's relationship develop with him.

Last sidenote but one of my friends is also streaming this with me and we LOATHE Ji Tong so much. She's nicknamed him Fucktong (lmao) and honestly, fitting. (No hate to the actor though - truly a great casting call.)

[goodbyeapathy8]

*SIGHS*

Another AO3 app that's pretending to be official when it's not (or at least isn't making it clear its unofficial.) They're using AO3's name and logo, and embedding ads.

There is no official AO3 app

Someone else is gathering your data, potentially your log in information etc and making use of it how they please. (They say they're not but their privacy policy says otherwise)

They are making money from the ads without the fic writer's consent.

They've also rated it Pegi 3 (which is ludicrous)

Please, even if you care about nothing else, for the safety of your data, please don't use this app. Certainly don't give it your AO3 log in details.

I've told AO3 that it's infringing on its copyright. I will be requesting they remove access of my work as I do not consent to my creative content being used to generate ad revenue for them.

I will be reporting it as incorrectly rated.

The only email address I can find is Narusta@gmail.com which is included in their privacy policy, and boboxway13@gmail.com as their developer.

[goodbyeapathy8]

My high school friend group. Took me a while to recover but I've been lucky to find actually amazing friends as an adult.

a bottom-tier autistic experience is being told throughout your entire childhood that you are just an overthinker when it comes to social situations and later finding out that your friends did, in fact, hate being around you and tried to communicate that through weird little hints

[goodbyeapathy8]

dont forget to do your daily clicks at arab.org, please!!

link for clicks

[goodbyeapathy8]

"low support needs disabled people are often not believed to have a disability at all and therefore struggle to get accommodations."

"high support needs disabled people's accommodations are often seen as 'too much' and therefore are not met."

"neurodivergent people's needs are often dismissed because nothing is physically wrong with them."

"physically disabled people people often cannot physically access buildings and people refuse to do anything about it."

"invisibly disabled people are seen as lazy by society."

"visibly disabled people are ostracized from society."

IT'S ALMOST LIKE THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE DISABILITY

[goodbyeapathy8]

(SOUND IS CRUCIAL) this video is has murdered me dead the music the editing the way information is slowly revealed about the two of them the plot twist the breaking bad images. WILLIAM WILLIAM WILLIAM. all over minecraft parkour someone help im seizing

[goodbyeapathy8]

i hear a good lyric and start mentally holding up blorbos like im in the home depot paint aisle comparing swatches

[goodbyeapathy8]

..the fact that I have a murder of crows that I feed and also thinks cows are adorable and I write fanfiction

WHO ASKED FOR THIS CALL OUT 😭

Fanfic writers are like crows. If you give them treats (comments) they will bring you shiny things (fanfic)

[goodbyeapathy8]

I'm speechless but I'm so happy that's young people in all the world are with us whats happening in usa universities is powerful i never thought this going to happen I'm so happy guys of this support.

What is happening means that us around all the world humans love each other but the governments don't want that.