goofysillywriter

[goofysillywriter]

bleeding heart

Notes: hi hi first x reader fic im sharing, and it's with Rafayel, who I've been super normal about, shout out to my friend who really got me into l&ds. please, please know that if I don't respond to any comments left, I do see them I just get overwhelmed easily

!hurt/comfort, self-harm(hair pulling and hitting self)!

little summary: You and Rafayel get into an argument that hurtful words are shared, and you both hurt. It's ok(ish) in the end as you both seek the other out for forgiveness.

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You've known Rafayel to very much be the type of person to lay out why certain things upset him, sure sometimes it's in a roundabout way, but he doesn’t leave things to build up. Sometimes(all the time), you know when he is genuinely happy about something, just like knowing when he's truly hurt by something.

Which is why having two emotionally charged people that will pick fights isn't good. You and Rafayel are in an argument, one that has long since turn into just saying mean things to just hurt the other. This wasn't how you wanted to spend your day off but fuck it at this point really.

“Why can’t you just drop it? Or better yet forget all about it seeing as it's so easy to just forget about me.” Rafayel snaps. This kills the words in your throat. You can only stare at him before laughing bitterly.

“You know that's not how my memory works.” Is all you can really say as you watch Rafayel turn to storm off. The sound of a door being slammed shut is all it takes for everything to hit.

It's easy to be mad, but after that comes the hurt. But you don't hurt enough, it's your fault this all happened isn't it. You forgot about lunch, you forgot when you were supposed to meet up, all the times you forgot hit you. Some small part of you knows it's not your fault, lunch was forgotten because of a Wanderer, the meet up wasn't you were dealing with a flare up, however the rest of your brain just wanted to hurt.

Your hands find their way in your hair and you pull and hit. Not the healthiest of ways to deal with this but fuck. By now you’ve found comfort on the floor back against the wall as you fight everything in you to not slam your head back. It’d be so easy why not add more pain its only fair isnt it.

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Rafayel isn’t sure how much time passed but hes since calmed down. He knew as well he'd have to apologize to you for the things he said. Groaning he runs a hand over his face, he loved you so much but it's hard. Emotions are hard.

---

You haven't moved from your spot, hands now laying on the floor. Your head hurt but what else is new, you force yourself to just stare at the ground as the soft sound of a door opening and closing can be heard. Pulling your knees close to your chest you rest your head against your knees. Like this will hide you away from the fact Rafayel is going to see you. Hide the fact that if he looks close enough you still have strains of hair you've pulled out. Hide the fact this whole thing triggered you to have an episode.

A twisted part of you wants to see him feel bad about it, while also relish in the self-loathing it'll bring you.

Instead of any words being said between you two, Rafayel simply takes a seat next to you. Not touching, but just close enough you know he's there. The sound of him softly humming is what fills that void now. Unsure of how long you both sit you uncurl yourself and lean against him, Rafayel pauses to take a quick glance at you before continuing his humming.

Hearing a soft apology is more than enough for you as you nod, slowly moving your hand to hold his own.

There's comfort in knowing that no matter what, you both will seek the other out to make amends.