goosessideblog

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thinking about the japanese racehorse who was such a failgirl she became a folk hero for losers

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The first chapter of My Immortal, but instead of Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, it's Julius Caesar!

CHapter 1.

AN: Special thankz 2 my bf (maybe in that way??) ciCero, OPtimatesAreBest666SPQR 4 helpin me wif da story nd speling. U ROK.

Hi my name is G’aius Ju’lius Caes’ar and I used to have thick, lusty, toucheble hair of unknown color (haha quirky am i rite?) and inky black eyes like black orbs. I’m not related to M. Tullius Cicero but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie (AN: If u dont know who he is get da hell out of here). I’m from like 50 BC but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a dictater in perpetuum but not in the dysyopian YA novel way. I also became a god after I was stabbed (lolzz spoiler alurt) I wear a loose girdle and Sulla called me an ‘ill-girted boy’. I did a really cool thing recently (u know, Gaul thingz) and I’m currently dressing to flex about it. For example today I was wearing a laurel wreath and a toga picta and a tunica palmata. I was walking through Rome. It was not the Ides of March, which I was very happy about. A lot of plebs stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

“Hey Caes’ar!!” shouted a voice. I looked up… it was Marcus Junius Brutus!

“What’s up Brutus?” I asked.

“Nothing.” he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me plebzz.

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Since isosceles are the most feminine appearing, Flatland has femboy soldiers, in this essay I will-

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narrator who's terrible at social cues & describes every facial expression as "unreadable"

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cicero hatched from an egg already fully formed i think

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thinking about how caesar commissioned art of catos suicide. whos doing it like him

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hatefucking doesnt even begin 2 cover what caesar n cato were doing i thjnk

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Imagine your favorite historical figure getting locked in a freezer

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broooo did you seriously disturb my eternal rest & bring me back to this mortal coil just because my ancient enemy the eternal night has returned? after i sealed it away and everything? which one of you tampered with my binding runes 🙄

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This is what Rasputin would've wanted.

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Me: *stubs my toe* "AH FUCK!"

Mass of quivering flesh that's been growing in my cabinet and slowly feeding off my suffering until it develops sentience: *takes first breath*

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WX-78 being the funniest character in the game to me, a compilation.

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i have 400 mental illnesses and will never be normal again #teddy

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IMSORRY IM LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF 😭😭😭 NAHHH MANEPEAR LOOK DEAD AS HELL HELPME 😭😭🙏