gothel2thekor

[gothel2thekor]

TEXT | GOTHELS

Baz: Guys

Baz: I'm a god.

Baz: Well, a demigod, but my mom. She's a GODDESS. I'm GREEK. And my birth name is Vassilios. Think I could pull off "Vaz"?

Kori: What??? Also no. Vaz is ugly and sounds like a birth control.

[gothel2thekor]

how do you find a way to ruin every party Noli's ever thrown?

Very specific malicious planning! Layland and I hate her guts!

[gothel2thekor]

TEXT  | korli

Noli: I older cousin bullied him into going and grabbing my sweater for me when I got chilly at the beach bonfire 🙄

Noli: And in true 'us' fashion, I love the thing you hate! 💁 GOD I forgot about Sage!!! You guys and closets, maybe I'm lucky Baz bailed before the bonfire -- no closet is safe. Congrats, though, as grossed-out as I am. Is the demigod thing like....a factor? Does that affect it at all? 👀

Kori: Lame but I guess that's a relief

Kori: 🙄🙄🙄 I wish I could forget! I blame it on all the years we spent stuck in a tower, we probably all just find super tight spaces comforting on some level! Thank youuu! Uh I don't really know! I feel like it must because it was TRULY mind blowing for sex in a closet on top of a raincoat but I do love him to bits so 🤷🏼‍♀️

[gothel2thekor]

TEXT  | korli

Noli: okay GROSS. Honi didn't hear anything before you TAINTED HIS POOR LITTLE VIRGIN EYES WITH YOUR BOOBIES, KORIANDER.

Kori: You guys are just in the honeymoon phase. As someone who's been in a sexual relationship for almost a year, you get your brain back eventually. Whatever, was this how you pictured your first time? Was it at least good?

Kori: OR MAYBE HE DID! MAYBE THAT'S WHY HE RANDOMLY WENT INTO YOUR CLOSET DURING A PARTY!

Kori: I knoooooow 🥰🥰🥰 And have I mentioned how much I hate you having almost a year of more sexual experience than me? You have too much power and I don't love it! Not really? I always figured it would be in a graveyard during a big thunderstorm, but I guess being the second Gothel to semi publicly lose it in a closet is about the same level of chaotic. Otherwise it was Perfect tho! Layland is 10/10 good. Would and have smash again.

[gothel2thekor]

TEXT  | korli

Noli: And you are ONE-HUNDRED percent correct, thank you for not making me say it.

Noli: but like, you guys had a whole bed and bedroom to do that in. You chose MY room? What if I came in there with Nico? What if we had been having sex right outside of that door? Does that not weird you out?

Kori: 🙄

Kori: It was the heat of the moment! Like literally try being a horny empath making out with your boyfriend who is also horny and a DEMIGOD. Us making it to ANY room was a true gift to your party! That doesn't necessarily "weird me out" because I feel like you'd have heard something before we ended up in a weird same room sex situation!

[gothel2thekor]

TEXT  | korli

Noli: I moved this to text cause I'm over airing your LITERAL dirty laundry publicly

Noli: BUT it like, doesn't matter if we all dated before, because I never did....any of that....with him. Or YOU for that matter. 🙄

Kori: About time?

Kori: DUH, I'm just saying I was fully emotionally prepared to take that on someday and I'd have washed the raincoat myself if I didn't think sticking around any longer would've landed me with one of those fire sticks jammed up my ass!

[gothel2thekor]

TWITTER  | korli

@nononoli: imagine having to RINSE YOUR EX'S AND BEST FRIEND'S ~FLUIDS off your raincoat!!!!! does that not sound positively fucked to you, @killmekori????

@killmekori: @nononoli I'D DO IT IF OUR ROLES WERE REVERSED! EVERYONE'S DATED EVERYONE IT'S FINE!

[gothel2thekor]

TWITTER  | korli

@nononoli: @killmekori maybe

@nononoli: but then I'd open my closet, look at my desecrated rain coat and stop

@killmekori: @nononoli At least it wasn't your BED! also you can totally just like rinse a raincoat. That's like their whole poont

[gothel2thekor]

TWITTER  | korli

@nononoli: @killmekori I said what I said.

@killmekori: @nononoli but what if Walt gets poofed again forever. won't u miss me? 🥺

[gothel2thekor]

TWITTER  | korli

@nononoli: I know there's a lot of speculation about what went down at my party over the summer, and I'm just gonna pop in to give a pretty general statement -- not too many details to protect the reputations of the innocent and such.

@nononoli: Here are a list of people who are never, ever invited back to my family home lest they FUCK in my closet again: Kori Gothel and Layland Olympus. That's all anyone needs to know, goodbye.

@killmekori: 😯

[gothel2thekor]

text 💬 gothels 💅

Sage: I meant my FRIENDS, freak! I don't like, hang out with you and Baz 24/7, what you do doesn't like matter that much.

Kori: THAT'S EVEN FUNNIER. Your weird ass best friends AND BOTH your apparently hated siblings have love, and you're just out here doing nooothing

[gothel2thekor]

text 💬 gothels 💅

Sage: Ughhhh everyone is annoying and in relationships again, and everyone ELSE is too ugly for me to want to date so I'm not a training wheel! This is mega sucko.

Kori:.... Ha ha. Even BAZ is in a relationship and you're not

[gothel2thekor]

Maybe that virus snuck in and got in all the food and that’s the only sign that we’re basically in a death crock pot waiting to get cooked.

I feel like things haven’t been the same since the magic barrier broke. Like, for example, all the produce have been going bad so much faster. Am I weird? Is there any possible way this is possible? 

[gothel2thekor]

I'm REALLY trying to be happy for you. But it is so much harder than I planned.

[gothel2thekor]

TEXT | KORLI

Noli: ew what a lame dream. IT SURE SOUNDED LIKE A COMPLIMENT TO MEEEEEEEE.

Noli: Because!!! You can't just fake break up with someone you're fake dating without their consent! He's happy for us??? Gross. We can break up at the cast party that I've now taken upon myself to host, so that I can actively go for He Who Cannot Be Named Without You Feeling Cucked and no one would think it's weird.

Kori: I know right? What's wrong with us for liking him? IT WAS NOT. I WAS MAKING FUN OF YOU.

Kori: Yes, you can!! It's pretend! And a break up! Yeah, he said that like as soon as I told him about us and then he repeated it when I kinda freaked out on him. He's entirely too sweet. 😩 Okay fun! And messy! Have fun! Use protection! Don't have a wrap party baby or I'll judge iT directly to your face!

[gothel2thekor]

TEXT | KORLI

Noli: No. It was his idea to go. We shouldn't have had to try. ADULT NOLI: BUSINESS CHEERLEADER IS MY NEW INSTA BIO I LOVE THAT

Noli: .............................Kori, I just got an idea and I need to ask you something.

Noli: Can we break up? :

Kori: According to him, Golf is his dreeeeam and he felt like he needed to pursue that opportunity..which like 🙄 we. IT WASN'T A COMPLIMENT!!!! IT WAS THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

Kori: Why do you need to ask ME? This is YOUR idea! Also Layland is like just genuinely happy for us which like...defeated the purpose immediately anyway.

[gothel2thekor]

TEXT | KORLI

Noli: yeah and none of them TRIED either. We've always been different. He couldn't have been different? Ugh. I'm so stupid. I think part of me always thought he'd be my first and I'd be his. Isn't that dumb? Especially since we shared him equally and that'd be so mean to you!

Noli: YEAH AND MY BUSINESS IS NOW GOING TO GEN ED CLASSES AND /WOMEN'S/ CHEER PRACTICE. NOT /GIRLS'/, WOMEN'S! Okay I totally get that! I'm sorry. You know this is just how I process stuff, I'll find someone else to talk to about Nico.....like maybe Nico.....:P I'd never cuckold you with him btw! That'd be so weird. :o omg if that's what happens when you lose your virginity pls sign me up, I need to freaking chill.

Noli: *fucking. I curse now.

Kori: If that's the case then couldn't we have tried harder to keep him too? To be fair, Layland's always been the more basic out of the 3 of us. Although now that you're all Adult Noli: Business Cheerleader that lists after football bros, maybe I'm the only Different one 😝 You're not stupid. But like...yeah that would've been crazy mean to me after you'd already gotten the first dibs at kissing him.

Kori: OKAY. I GET IT! It's okay, I fully understand that but ya, just talk to NICO already about how badly you apparently wanna go to pound town with him. Literally that's the absolute limit to where our friendship can go lol. Probably, Sage always seems relatively chill but I haven't figured out if that's the sluttiness or the bliss of ignorance.