gowheretheheartis-blog

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

How Camp Prepared me for College and for Life

“We are home, blue and gold. Where we loved we laughed we cried where we’ve grown.”

I can’t believe its summer 2018. I was a CIT (counselor in training) 5 summers ago. God I feel old. I went to sleep away camp for 9 summers at Camp Canadensis in the Poconos of Pennsylvania. My mom went to Canadensis for 15 summers when she was a kid. She was color war captain twice back to back summers when that was a thing, she was super athletic and the love of her life at the time went to that camp. She left behind a legacy for me to uphold at camp athletically and reputation wise. Her summers at camp were different than mine. The world was different at that time, society was different, people were different. It has definitely gotten increasingly worse over years but at the time when I was a camper, shit was good. My first summer at camp was in 2005. I was in a bunk with 8 girls and I was the 9th. We had three of the dopest counselors who enhanced our summer and made it bearable. We had the best two CITS. We were bunk 2. We were the youngest bunk on camp and I’m pretty sure, the cutest. Camp was not just camp. Camp was a lifestyle. Camp was home, camp was everything, and without it, I don’t think I would be who I am today and I wouldn’t have learned all the skills I needed to become a successful adult and functioning teenager.

Camp prepared me for college by:

Teaching me how to live with a group of people for a long period of time.

In camp, we had twin beds and we slept no less than 4 feet away from each other. We had to learn to share space and to co-exist in one small place. We had to learn to share common grounds and share things when need be. In college it’s no different. The first year for almost everyone, we are back in the same small twin beds, in a small living corner, co-existing with the people near us and sharing space and things.

 Showing me how to get along with people and problem solve

I went to camp with majority of Philadelphia, jersey and long island. We were all a little dramatic and spoiled at times. Aren’t we all? Camp wasn’t always as perfect as it was made out to be. We fought over stupid things, irrelevant things, and physical things. We excluded each other, didn’t share with each other and talked about each other but at the end of the day, we were best friends and no other friends on the planet got to live with us for 2 months straight. These were my sisters so we had to make it work and we had to learn how to resolve problems and ultimately avoid them when necessary. Just like in college, sometimes you’re gonna butt heads. Over how loud the music is when you’re trying to study, when you’re in a rush to go out and you need to get in the shower and there’s only one, fighting over guys etc. Worlds collide but camp has taught me how to manage people for such a long period of time.

 Showing me what I’m made of

In camp, there are challenges we face every day. MY biggest challenge was whether or not I would ride Hondas, mountain bikes or climb the ropes course. I had a lot of self-doubt when I was a kid. It took me so many summers to be able to actually willingly climb the ropes course which was an obstacle course high off the ground that ended in a zip line all the way down and across the pool at the bottom. The girls in my bunk always cheered me on and encouraged me to try it and if I didn’t like it I could stop and come down etc. There was a lot color war that tested my ability to be able to co-exist while also in competition with everyone. We were split into two teams and couldn’t talk about color war in the bunk. We had sports and activities every day that tested our strength and abilities to work together as a team to complete a task. That aspect of camp helped me in college and in life. I know that as long as I have a strong support system behind me that anything is possible. That they will cheer me on even when I’m doubting myself. When I’m stressed out over school work and at my breaking point my friends always pick me up and urge me to keep going.

 Demonstrating the reality of a sisterhood and having close friends

I am only child. I didn’t have real sisters growing up with. My first sign of a real sisters were my camp friends. My first summer was 2005 and I was turning 9 the October following the summer so I was pretty young. My camp friends were the closest things to real sisters that I ever was able to have. Those girls were by my side for 9 years at camp and almost 15 in total. Even though most of us stopped going back to camp after our first year as a counselor, we still have the same group me group chat and every single day we talk in it. We have a snap group chat as well and we talk there too. In college I joined a sorority which was the closest thing again to real sisters. I took all that I loved and learned from having such close best friends all throughout camp and my life growing up and I used that to create friendships with girls that I was just meeting in college who I never met before and I was able to flourish in that and create inseparable bonds with them.

no matter what, 18325 is home and my camp friends are my sisters.

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

What No One Tells You About a Break Up

GIRLS. GUYS. WHOMEVER… LISTEN TO ME.

When you break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend… how you choose to cope and get over it is YOUR DECISION. Don’t let anyone try and tell you when to get over it, how to deal with it, to stop crying, to stop talking about it because I promise you it makes it worse. No one tells you how fucking bad its gonna hurt. All relationships are completely temporary. Life is temporary. When you get into a relationship you are literally signing away your heart, your life, your emotional and physical state. You are telling yourself that if you allow yourself to fall, that it is not guaranteed that the person you are falling for is going to catch you. You have to walk into it knowing that there is potential that one day you may break up and you have to be sure before entering a new relationship that you are ready and will be okay to go through that. But no one will tell you how to do it. No one will tell you the rules because there aren’t any. There is no right way to do things and yet one million wrong ways.

A little example…I was in love with my best family friend from Long Island who I saw every single spring and winter break for about 14 years. Our grandparents were best friends and naturally we were too. When I was about 13 years old I told his sister that I had the biggest crush on him and I wanted to date him even though I lived in Philly and he lived on Long island, I didn’t care I guess. A computer long distance relationship sounded fun. I didn’t know how negative it would turn at such a young age. There was name calling during fights, jealousy, I would get blocked, made fun of by his friends, pushed around. We were on and off dating until I was about 17. I finally after years of saying no decided to lose my virginity to him. I was vulnerable and I wanted him to be the only one who took it from me because no matter how badly he treated me at times ( I know), I still loved him and wanted him to be my first. 3 days after I got home from his house, fresh out of a V card, I was blocked. I went to camp to spend my first summer as a counselor and I couldn’t get in touch with him. When he took my virginity we weren’t dating but it was still the fact that I thought we were gonna get back together after I allowed him to take something that meant more to me than my friends thought of it. Long story short I later found out that he was dating the girl he had been hooking up with while we were not together. I was crushed and his parents even called me to tell me how disgusted they were with his actions and how sorry they were on his behalf and I mean thank god for them because I was a wreck. I was entering my freshman year of college still weirdly in love with him but knowing that college had a plethora of guys to choose from and when I was ready, I would fall again. I didn’t know falling would be such a bitch the second time.

 It was a humid night. End of August, about to begin class the following Monday. Gabby my roommate and I decided to go to the Wishing Well in Boca to have a couple of drinks. I decided that I wanted to drive there so I didn’t drink that night. We sat outside at a table dripping sweat amongst the hottest guys. Gabby waves over a kid who I thought I had seen before and tells him to sit. He introduces himself and told us he is happy to see us out since the AEPi party two nights before. I was like wow I must’ve been real fucked up because I definitely don’t remember this hot guy at all. One thing led to another and he and I really hit it off. We were talking about how both of our dads were from the same town in Israel and how our families might know each other and all of the other things that we potentially had in common. He was kind of on his way out so he didn’t have long to talk but he made sure to get my number and we were talking nonstop since then. I really liked him. I forgot about the guy from high school and I went all in with this new guy. I thought it was fate in some weird twisted way. We had way too much in common and our family life and background aligned almost perfectly. He ended up being the most verbally abusive and toxic person to me. He would fight with me constantly over such stupid things. He always accused me of lying which I guess was an insecurity of his. He kept fighting with me and putting me down and I knew that I would never end up in a real relationship with him. It also really bothered me because I had already been sleeping at his house, I met his whole family and went to several Jewish holiday dinners and he still kept telling me, “were just talking”, “were not dating” “I have commitment issues, I can’t commit to you” and I wanted to be like okay well then screw you. I’m devoting my whole freshman fall semester to you and rushing to family dinners only for you to tell me you’re not committed? Fine bye. Like WHAT? So naturally I went into defense mode and my insecurities tapped in about why he didn’t want to commit to me even though that was his issue and not mine. I went to a party and I made out with a brother in his fraternity in his bathroom in the house that the party was at. We didn’t tell a single person and no one ever found out about it. A couple weeks later this kid was still just not letting up. He kept making jokes that weren’t funny, insulting my roommates and they hated when he came upstairs and my parents didn’t even really like him for reasons that shouldn’t be shared. I mean look, this is my blog and I am getting personal here because I want to be understood and for people to really get what I have gone through because every deserves a little benefit of the doubt. I ended up sleeping with this other kid that I made out with at the party and it all blew up in my face when I told the original guy it happened when I was drunk. Look I mean I felt awful. It was the worst feeling but I don’t owe my loyalty to anyone who refuses to commit to me. I didn’t care how many issues he had with it. If he wanted me he had me and he chose not to so I wasn’t going to wait forever. Hindsight I probably should’ve stopped talking to him altogether and then done it but I wanted to believe that somewhere inside him, he was good and that there was a chance for us because I’ll still admit, I was falling, even after our stupid fights. He really went A-wall, started messaging my mom that I was a cheating whore even though we were never in a relationship to begin with. Telling people at school to say “fuck you” to me on campus and flip me off etc. I started to cry at every frat party I went to where he was because he made my life hell. He blocked me on everything and made sure to never look in my direction or speak to me again. Right before birthright he reached out and wanted to start fresh with me, as did I. And we tried for a while, but his typical ways kicked back in and blocked me no less than 2 weeks in to us starting to talk again. So in the beginning of the summer, I started to confide in who I will name “X” for the sake of not using his real name. He was the best. He was a great friend and always gave the best advice when I would cry to him. On Halloween at the AEPi house, I found myself crying hysterically on the stair case of the party outside. X came up to me and told me I was too beautiful to be crying and I shouldn’t be wasting my tears on someone like him and that I deserved better. After I returned home from Israel over the summer, I had a pregame for July fourth. He came with his roommates and a bunch of other brothers. That night, we were dancing together and talking about how I wasn’t over the other guy. We were dancing and he was spinning me around and I said I didn’t want to look for a relationship because I wanted it to just come to me and as I said that, he pulled me close with his hand and said, “you don’t have to” and he kissed me to the song of “Take My Breath Away.” And that he did. I was completely swept off my feet and the rest… well the rest is history. He was the love of my life. I knew in my heart he was the one. They say you just know. He took me to Italy, we went to new York, to philly, to the Bahamas, a million shows, a million dinners. He was my heart. He was my forever. August of 2017 was the worst. That’s when X broke my heart. I was crumbled. I was broken. I lost 12 pounds. I was crying constantly and I just couldn’t handle the heartbreak. It was the worst feeling I’ve ever felt.

What no one tells you about this break up is that it comes out of fucking nowehresville. No one tells you how to cope. No one tells you how to breathe at night when you feel like your heart is collapsing. No one tells you that other guys will start to reappear in your life as if it’s no big deal that you’re hurting. No one tells you when you are supposed to get over it or how. It is all a mystery and each person handles pain differently. When you need to get over a breakup, you have to take it day by day. You have to keep busy and surround yourself  with the people that lift you up and want to see you thriving and happy again. If you need to relocate for a little bit and disconnect, do that too. Do whatever it is that YOU need to bring yourself back to the person you were before and do everything in your power to learn and grow from it and your mistakes. If it is meant to be, if absolutely will be. If the person is meant to come back to you, they will and you will take a chance to start over with a different mindset and new feelings. Be patient. Every day is a new beginning… don’t be afraid to start over. I did.

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Spot on Campus- Week 11

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Week 11

This place is not unfamiliar but I chose to sit under the newly blossomed tree out on the lawn. I feel like I never really had time to sit on the lawn and take everything in. For the few minutes I had to sit there, I looked around at the beautiful campus and almost forgot I was even in Israel. This tree is so rich and so red, it made me feel at peace and it gave me a few moments to reflect back on my semester. It made me smile to see so many people just aimlessly walking around the campus, girls laughing with one another, Hebrew surrounding me. I was in my own world but also sharing it. What I hope and wish for my future is just happiness. I hope that one day I can come back and live here again for however long that may be. It saddens me to think I’m leaving in a few short days because even though I want to come back and I know I will, I just don’t know when. You make plans and god laughs they say. So I try not to think so far into the future because I know it’s not always promising and feelings never remain the same. I wish I could turn back the clock and have it be the first day of the semester again. When I sit here and think about how I was feeling under that tree, I leave it feeling hopeful. I leave it having zero regrets and I don’t. I have no regrets from this semester which is exactly how I was hoping to feel. I wouldn’t change a single thing this semester. From my friends, to my classes, to my living situation, I wouldn’t change it for the world. Israel has brought out the absolute best in me and I am so happy and grateful that I was able to be here for as long as I have and experience the things I was able to experience here. This campus brought us to life and made coming to class all the more exciting. I wished all semester that the trees would somehow change color to a vibrant red or purple like most do around Tel Aviv and of course, that wish came true and now I sit under the red tree on the lawn where I felt like I never got to sit and relax and I smile. I smile because it happened and I smile because I did it. And I did it on my own.

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Week 10 Homework- Endings

When a door closes, another one opens. As my semester abroad comes to an end, I sit and reflect on my time here in Israel, specifically Tel Aviv. What I believe is ending is just the time here but my beginning of a new year of growth is just starting. When I first came to Tel Aviv, I knew what I was excepting in terms of my surroundings and the country considering I had already been here before but I didn’t know the people that I would be meeting here and being friends with here would have such a profound impact on my life. It hurts, physically, emotionally, mentally, to be leaving here. This was always my second home and every time I would come here for vacation and I would leave, I would feel like a piece of my heart was missing after I left and now with the ending of this semester in Tel Aviv, almost a half of my heart will feel like its missing. This idea of ending is funny, you know. They say all good things must come to an end, but I’m not ready for this ending. I’m not ready to reach the final chapter in my semester book. Sometimes when a movie ends, or a book ends and it’s so amazing, I want to read or watch it again to relive the feelings I was feeling when I was in those moments but this semester can’t be relived. This has an end that doesn’t cycle back and I think that’s what’s upsetting. Because never again in my life, will this group of people be in the same place at the same time in a semester like this one. This was once in a lifetime. This was everything. As I type this with tears streaming down my face, I reflect on my time here and how happy it has made me. I came here with intentions of maturing, growing, becoming independent and all around working on myself and I did just that. That is not the end, that is just the beginning. That growth is the beginning of a lifetime of more happiness and positivity that I can’t wait to share when I’m home. I love Tel Aviv and I love Israel and I am eternally grateful for the experience.

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Week 8 In class Writing

After reading the “To a Young Poet” poem, by Mahmoud Darwish, I found that it was a intellectually stimulating piece. I love to read poetry and so I felt that this one in particular, out of the others we have read thus far this semester was a really good piece. What stood out to me honestly was the first stanza. The first couple of lines.

Don’t believe our outlines, forget them 

and begin from your own words. 

As if you are the first to write poetry 

or the last poet.

 I interpreted the entire meaning of this poem based off of those lines above. As a writer and a journalism major, I have always been able to write but never with an outline. The meaning behind that line is just saying that we shouldn’t have outlines in our writing or in the creative process. What we should do is think from our own ideas and our own words and let them flow naturally the way they are supposed to. When I am in the creative process and trying to sit and really think of a way to write things, I always start by just writing all of my innermost thoughts at that very moment and then I go back and re edit it. Each stanza basically explains the freedom of starting out as a poem. It feels like Darwish is giving advice to a young new writer. When I read it, I interpret the meaning in relation to writing as being to the point and simply put.

 A poem in a difficult time is flowers in a cemetery. That stood out to me because it was like saying that a poem is as beautiful and natural as flowers and not being able to write anything in that moment is like taking beauty away from something so negative and not real. Trying to write a poem so beautiful in a difficult time is like putting flowers where there are no thoughts, a cemetery. I thought that was particularly intriguing. Aside from that, I just take away the relation to writing as the entire poem giving advice in its own artistic form.

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Partner Prompt- Week 9

Allie Hochman has given me the same prompt that I gave to her. The prompt for this week was to write about a trip that I have taken outside of Israel so far abroad that was my favorite.

 I have chosen to write about Greece. Our Europe trip was off to a great start during ulpan break when 5 of us decided to travel to Amsterdam, Barcelona and Florence. We all wanted to go to different places at different times and it was too much togetherness for one trip. We were traveling nonstop for 12 days with each other and it got a little irritating after a little while. But Greece was different. It was 5 days together, a completely different group of people and we were on the best island, Mykonos. It was by far my favorite trip. As we were landing, I was so fascinated by all of the white buildings and blue water around the island. It was unlike anything I’ve ever seen before. Walking through the city was so much fun because even those buildings were all white, and covered in colored flowers and staircases. There was a club that was below the hotel and everyday starting at 4 o’clock there was beach party so we went every day and had the absolute time of our lives. We split two and two one of the days and we took 24 hour ATV’s out into town and drove for hours on end. It was so freeing to explore the island on our own terms with no time constraint and knowing we could do whatever wanted to that day and we weren’t on a specific schedule. We drove to a restaurant called KiKi’s Tavern which is a small outside restaurant by the water but its nestled inside of a hill almost. We had fish and chicken and salads and had an amazing time and then we drove the ATV back around the city. Another night we went to sunset bar which is a very popular bar in Mykonos. We were surrounded by water, white buildings, pillows, cute tables, amazing cocktails and handsome servers. We stopped there for a little while for happy hour and to take pictures and then we went and had dinner on the beach. That night was one of the best meals I ever had. We got fried shrimp, risotto, salmon, fries, cake balls, and we took shots of course that were on the house. The next day, we ended up at a place called Kazarma. It was a restaurant right on the beach in town. We ended up moving tables and ending up sitting next to these really nice guys. Lewis and Matt. They were on their own euro trip and we ended up hitting it off and Claudia, Sammi and Allie and I ordered drinks and cheered with them. We ended up having an amazing lunch, talking, laughing, drinking and making plans with the guys for later on, inviting them to our hotel to pregame before the hotel party. They came. It was so funny we couldn’t believe they actually showed. We drank for hours and then made our way to the darty where we actually had the best time with them. We later decided that the next morning we were going to take a boat out and the guys wanted to pay and we obviously just let it happen. We were told that there was food and drinks on the boat and we would be out there for a good part of the day. We took millions of pics, had fun conversations and had an amazing lunch. The captain kept serving us cups of white wine and we couldn’t refuse so of course, two hours into the boat ride, we were all drunk. To sum it all up… between the meals, the ATV, the parties, the hotel, the waters, the city, shopping, and the boat… it was the most memorable and most fun trip I have ever gone on and I will remember it forever.

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Week 8 HW Exercise- Own Prompt

Week 8 HW Writing Exercise: With 2 weeks Left of your abroad experience, write about how you are feeling thus far and or, write about how you are feeling about the last two weeks.

How did we get here? Its May already? I feel like I just unpacked my bags from the airport and got settled in. How did four and a half months already pass me by? As I sit here and reflect on my time abroad, I can’t help but think about my last two weeks here and I how I feel about going home. Coming abroad, I knew I would have a good time and feel at home but I didn’t know that I would feel this at home and this upset and anxious to leave. All my friends are excited to go back to their friends, their home life, their family and routine, and believe me, I am too, but I only wish I was getting back to that for the summertime. As my time here comes to a close I begin to panic a little. I struggled a lot first semester. With my feelings towards people in my life, with just the lifestyle I was living. I needed an escape, I needed to get away and go somewhere else that wasn’t my college area. I wanted to find myself. I wanted to try and work on and change the things I didn’t initially love about myself or the things that I believed ended friendships or relationships and I kept searching for a reason. I kept searching for that why. While I think I will never truly find one definitive answer, I found multiples and those are enough for me. I live in a bubble of materialistic, petty, dramatic people. I was one of them I suppose. I went to a “jappy” sleep away camp, I have “jappy” camp friends. Fuck, I’m a jap. And oh my god that is so fine obviously. You can be your own version of a jap without being the jap everyone stereotypes you to be but I guess I was the bad version of one before coming here? I’m still not sure. What I mean by that is that I felt like things that mattered to me were materialistic things. What mattered to me was the gossip and the when’s and the where’s. After being here for so long I realized that was not the life I wanted to live and the bubble I wanted to be in. sure materialistic things are nice, and they still are and I still would love to have them but now I have a different mindset. Three kids from my home university in Greek life passed away this spring semester and it really kick started a lot of thoughts for me. I no longer wanted to live the way I was living. I wanted to make a change. I wanted to wake up every day happy. As hard as that can be sometimes, I needed to wake up happy and start my day off on a good note. I wanted to turn negative thoughts and situations into positive ones and always try and be positive and see the light in every situation rather than sulk and bring everyone else down with me. I learned that little things don’t matter. I learned that the things that I once used to make huge deals over, I’ll be over in less than 5 minutes. I learned what true friends are. I learned how to be independent and to truly only rely and take care of myself and now I know how. Being an only child, my parents felt like they always needed to baby me or look after me and do things for me and so I craved that and needed that and then I carried it into relationships where I would rely on them for everything and blame them for the emotions and reactions I couldn’t handle myself but surprisingly, being here, I have squashed that. I took care of myself

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Something on Campus that inspires me

As mentioned in Work shop, I had a difficult time finding something on campus that truly inspired me until this week. I don't know why it was so hard for me at first when I knew all along in my heart what it was but the Israeli Flag flying by the building below is what inspires me. Having an Israeli father has enhanced my life in tremendous ways. I feel more connected to Israel than any of my friends. I feel more at home and find more of a stronger sense of belonging. This flag inspires me to be the best version of myself. its weird.. When i look at the American Flag, I don't feel patriotic. I am proud and lucky to be an American but I have never felt “at home” or “unified” there. Israel is small. And I think i thrive off the feeling of knowing that. Everyone is jewish, everyone is so together and united and it makes you feel warm. When I look at the flag, blowing so proudly in the wind, I get chills down my spine. That is my country too. This is the country I will always fight for. This is the land of people who are my family or people who have become my family here. It inspires me to go out and do what I truly want to do in the world and makes me feel like I have forever here. It inspires me to raise my kids one day in love with Israel. It makes me smile and want to do more. Its hard. I don't live here but I have always wanted to. It inspires me to live a different way of life. It makes me want to go out with a smile on my face everyday and not sweat the small stuff. There are so many holidays and celebrations in Israel and its almost like every day is a new occasion. The US embassy is now in Jerusalem, Netta Barzili won Eurovision and I just can't help but look back on my experience here and really just smile at all that this country is able to accomplish and how proud everyone is to be an Israeli and to live here and have a life here. This flag stands for everything I am and hope to be, and someday I will be back, and it will be forever. Until then, I have this photo and I know Israel has my heart. 

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Week 6 HW Exercise due May 7th

Usually poetry is my strong suit. I easily interpret the meaning behind each line and the poem as a whole, but this to me, does not make a lot of sense. I don’t understand enough about it to easily write 500 words about how I interpret just this one line considering I don’t understand it. However, I will give it a go and if I am wrong, sue me. To me I think that the “light” refers to the Palestinian people and the stone is the stones of the wall of Jerusalem and represents the Jewish people. I gathered this because in line nine, he writes “is it from a dimly lit stone that wars flare up? And then continues in line 12, “ all this light is for me”. What I gathered from these two lines is that he feels that he is the light that makes Jerusalem what it is. He feels that without the people of his kind in a sense, Jerusalem wouldn’t be there. And he is wondering in a way about why wars have flared up over it and is questioning whether or not it comes from the Jewish people who are involved but not so involved at the same time. It just feels like the narrator that he is referring to is the Torah or whoever wrote the story of thousands of years past about the history of Jerusalem and the Jewish people and he wants to know why they made it out to look like Palestinians had bad things to say about the Jews. This is what I gather from reading this over several times. I don’t understand it still, even after reading it three times and trying to write it out. All my readers now, for those who read this blog, can see my struggle easily. You are on this journey of interpreting this line with me. It’s fun, is it not?  Maybe in relation to the context of the poem the line also can be interpreted as, He feels unwelcomed? He walks through Jerusalem and is clearly an outcast. Is he angel now? “I walk, I become lighter, I fly then I become another.” I feel like that is him believing that he is an angel and nothing can really kill him because at the end he said he forgot, to die, just like the solider calling his name. And I think he knows that he deserved better in Jerusalem but didn’t get it.

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

The “Blanket”

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Week 7 Independent Study

Object one:

One object that has become extremely meaningful to me that I have acquired here is my Hebrew name necklace and new Hadaya ring that I got in Jerusalem on the same day. I went for the weekend with Hailey and we stayed overnight in a hotel and got a chance to meet up with some people that we knew. After visiting the wall, before going back to our hotel, we walked through the Jewish quarter together. My intentions that day were to go into Hadaya and get a bagel ring that matched my bagel necklace from a few years back. I really felt like since I have been in Israel, I have truly grown a lot and matured and found myself as a person. My goal was to get a ring and put quotes on the outside and inside of it to reflect exactly how I was and have been feeling this entire time here. It is important to me because now I wear it every single day and every time I look at my hand, it is a reminder of why I came back here. It is a reminder that I have overcome so many hard times this past year and past fall before arriving and I am stronger than I was before. The quote on the outside says, “Wherever you go, go with your whole heart”. That is particularly meaningful to me because I was never one to actually listen with my brain because somehow I have never been able to be a logical thinker and so if I go with brain in most cases, I could be wrong, whereas when I go with my heart, it is always a risk and always more meaningful. Choosing to come to Israel was a choice I made with my heart and had I not made that choice, I wouldn’t have had the experiences and growth that I have endured since arrival. My Hebrew necklace was an impulse buy on our way out. I really wanted a bar necklace that had my name in Hebrew but having my Hebrew name written out instead of Lauren, again just felt more meaningful and so I just went with that. I wear it every day now, and I don’t even mind that the people here call me by my Hebrew name because I love my name and love my name in Hebrew. It is a forever item that I know I will have. I can’t wait to go home and be proud to wear both and have people ask me about it and be proud enough to talk about it and explain the meaning behind both. In a way it shows my strength and how important Israel and my connection to it matters to me. It seems silly that two pieces of silver carry such a strong meaning but to me, it is everything. I feel happy to put it on and to wear it out and to look down and know that the quote that means so much is wrapped around my finger.

 Object two: This is going to sound so silly but another object that is meaningful to me is my baby blanket. I received it from my great uncle when I was born and I never thought that a blanket so large would become such a significant part of my life. I have not been able to sleep without that blanket since I was born. I was attached at the hip. I used to suck my thumb and cuddle with this blanket and forever intertwined my fingers in it only making it smaller and smaller as I grew up. My mom always put it in the washing machine and then in the dryer which I believe has to do with the fact that it is smaller than my arm in length at this point. If I lose it, or misplace it, I have a full panic attack. Every year at sleep away camp, even my two added years as a counselor, I brought the blanket to camp with me. When I was 14 I went on a teen tour and I also brought the blanket with me. I have never gone anywhere without the blanket and I can’t imagine how I would feel or react if I forgot it or intentionally didn’t bring it. It is meaningful to me especially in Tel Aviv because I don’t know if I would have survived here without it. Four months is a long time to be without something you can’t sleep without or even begin to think about not having. My grandparents, who live here always call it the “shmata” and they asked me the first week I got here if I brought it and my response of course was, “DUH” I brought it. Every time I have slept at their house here, I have brought it with me and she washes it for me. It sounds so small and irrelevant to most people but to me it is my whole life. People in school, and even now used to ask, “If you house was burning down in a fire, what is the first thing that you would grab” and I would respond “my blanket.” In life I have learned that most and almost all things are replaceable. Your phone, computer, jewelry etc. But a blanket? A blanket that carries such sentiment? Never. I could never begin to think of a life without my blanket and I’m honestly worried for my husband because he may have to sleep with both of us. It is so small now and has lost all of its coloring and I actually fear for the day that it disintegrates so small that it becomes easily to lose and sleep with. I truly don’t know how to sleep without this blanket and I hope I will never have to. My friends poke fun, and my dad pokes fun, my past relationships poke fun but at the end of the day they all know that the blanket comes first. They all know the importance of the blanket rises above everyone else. Ha Ha. Truth of the matter is, my time in Tel Aviv would definitely be different if I didn’t have my blanket to get me through the nights.

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Week 6 Revision

Original: In response to Keret, write 500 words about a moment of realization or illumination from your own life.After reading the short story “Shit Happens” by Etgar Keret, I have really related to this piece. Not only because I am half Israeli and the brother throwing out the paper with the dogs poop is just so typical Israeli, but I too had an “Ah Ha” moment myself. A moment of realization that is quite personal to me has to do with relationships. When I was a younger, around age 13, I had my first boyfriend, but he lived in New York. He was kind and said all the right things, anything any girl entering relationship world would want to hear. As you can imagine, it didn’t end too well. Manipulation, lies, verbal abuse soon followed and it took a while for me to regain myself worth and to understand who I was without his words. Entering my freshman year of college, I dated a guy whose father was from Hadera, Israel, same as my dad. I thought, okay that’s fate, he is the one, our dads are both from the same place wow omg. Then as the relationship of only 2 months, not even committed progressed, there was scrutiny, typical Israeli like behavior, name calling that is too embarrassing to even repeat here and more verbal abuse. I wondered why I deserved such name calling and hatred from someone that I thought was supposed to love me. It was both of their own insecurities that led themselves to lash out on me. But when you are so young, you think that this is what you deserve, you grow up thinking that this behavior is okay and so in each next relationship that is what you are drawn to, because a guy who is “too nice” is unappealing to us girls. They say assholes are attractive because they keep you on your toes and they keep you wanting more when in reality we don’t deserve this, I didn’t deserve this. A friend of mine who always gave me advice in college when I felt like I was crashing and burning from the guy before, always had just the right things to say to help me feel stronger and happier. That guy later became my boyfriend. That moment of realization came from him. That feeling of knowing that the way he treated me is exactly what I knew I deserved all along. It’s hard you know, growing up the way I did with such verbal abuse, it scares you- it scars you. The moment of realization came from me NEEDING and WANTING that affection from someone who was willing to give it unconditionally. He took a once very broken girl and changed her into something beautiful. My ah ha moment was understanding what I truly deserved in this life and what I was definitely worthy of having in my life. He swept me off my feet when I wasn’t prepared and helped me grow and showed me the kind of guy I needed and the kind of guy I should hope for. Thanks to him, I know I am better, and that was my realization.

Revision in bold :

In response to Keret, write 500 words about a moment of realization or illumination from your own life.

After reading the short story “Shit Happens” by Etgar Keret, I have really related to this piece. Not only because I am half Israeli and the brother throwing out the paper with the dogs poop is just so typical Israeli, but I too had an “Ah Ha” moment myself. A moment of realization that is quite personal to me has to do with relationships. When I was a younger, around age 13, I had my first boyfriend, but he lived in New York. He was kind and said all the right things, anything any girl entering relationship world would want to hear. As you can imagine, it didn’t end too well. Manipulation, lies, verbal abuse soon followed and it took a while for me to regain myself worth and to understand who I was without his words. Entering my freshman year of college, I dated a guy whose father was from Hadera, Israel, same as my dad. I thought, okay that’s fate, he is the one, our dads are both from the same place. Then as the relationship of only 2 months, not even committed progressed, there was scrutiny, typical Israeli like behavior, name calling that is too embarrassing to even repeat here and more verbal abuse. I wondered why I deserved such name calling and hatred from someone that I thought was supposed to love me. It was both of their own insecurities that led themselves to lash out on me. But when you are so young, you think that this is what you deserve, you grow up thinking that this behavior is okay and so in each next relationship that is what you are drawn to, because a guy who is “too nice” is unappealing to us girls. They say assholes are attractive because they keep you on your toes and they keep you wanting more when in reality we don’t deserve this, I didn’t deserve this. A guy friend of mine who always gave me advice in college when I felt like I was crashing and burning from the guy before, always had just the right things to say to help me feel stronger and happier. After I came home from a month long extension from birthright in 2015, I knew that I wanted to start fresh. I wanted to feel cleansed and happier than I was before I left for Israel. I was planning to go out one night and I had a bunch of my friends over to my apartment before we went out. I really liked this kid that went on my birthright trip who was in AEPi at the time and wanted to see if there was something there when we got to the club that night. I told my other friend that I was interested and he said “thats nice and everything but (not naming) really wants you.” I was so taken back. (not naming) was supposed to be my best friend. He was supposed to be the guy to set me up with other guys. I Kept reminding myself of that the entire night because I didn't want to ruin the friendship that I had built with him. 

Its 12:05am, “Take My Breath Away” by Alesso  is playing. I am dancing with him telling him about my predicament to see if he backs off. He is twirling me around. I am little drunk at this point so the spinning made me a little dizzy but he kept grabbing my hand and made sure I was still dancing. A cool breeze blew through the air and my hair was blowing all the way back off the shoulders- He told me I was beautiful. My heart sank. I couldn't let my best friend do this to me. He spun me once more and pulled me closer. I looked around afraid to make eye contact with him knowing exactly what he was going to try. I said, “I am not over him” and he said, “I know and you don't have to be.” He spun me once more and grabbed my hand. I said, “I just want it to come to me, I don't want to have to look for it... “ He began, “and you don't have to” and right when the song cut to the chorus, “Take My Breath Away” he grabbed me and kissed me. And my world stopped. No one else was there except for him and I. I was so confused. I had no attraction to him. I didn't like him like that. He was my friend where I found my source of comfort. I thought that was the beginning of the end but really it was only the beginning of a realization.  That guy later became my boyfriend. That moment of realization came from him. That feeling of knowing that the way he treated me is exactly what I knew I deserved all along. It’s hard you know, growing up the way I did with such verbal abuse, it scares you- it scars you. The moment of realization came from me NEEDING and WANTING that affection from someone who was willing to give it unconditionally. He took a once very broken girl and changed her into something beautiful. My ah ha moment was understanding what I truly deserved in this life and what I was definitely worthy of having in my life. He swept me off my feet when I wasn’t prepared and helped me grow and showed me the kind of guy I needed and the kind of guy I should hope for. Thanks to him, I know I am better, and that was my realization.

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Week Five In-Class Writing Exercise

After reading this poem, I realized that I didn’t particularly like this one like I liked the other one. I feel that these postcard poems are both negative and not so enjoyable to read. I want to remain as positive as possible when responding to this poem but I don’t know if I have many things to say about this. What intrigued me overall was the fact that the writer felt that this was an impossible post card to write because of the condition of the environment that he was in. I think its crazy that he thinks he is absurd for even writing in those times but it almost made me think of Anne Frank and how she was writing and writing in a horrible time and trying to explain in her very best words the situation that she was in. “Masked faces jump out from the bushes” speaks to me because I can almost feel the fear in the eyes of the people in this area. “The body is weary, pain is sealed off” also makes me feel sad because I know that I feel like a witness to this and I cant do anything about it. Reading it makes me feel helpless and the fact that this was a time where people simply were not living a joyous life and absolutely nothing was done about it. “What was was and there’s no need remembering” specifically is powerful within itself because the writer is saying what happened already happened, there is nothing that anyone can do or say that will change that reality and just the thought of simply remembering is extremely painful to look back upon. The ending was heartbreaking because it was like the entire land was then empty and the only ones left were the ones that were not necessarily human. The birds are almost the optimistic ones and embodying the souls of the ones who are no longer there.

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Yom Hazikaron :  Yom Ha’azmaut.

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Week Five - Memorial Independence Day

Week Five Homework Exercise

This was my second time being in Israel during Yom Hazikaron and Yom Ha’azmaut. This time however was a little bit more special for me. When I was here the first time, I was about 8 years old and I didn’t really understand the holiday all that much and I wasn’t really at an age where I could take it all in and be effected by it. This year, I took the time to reflect on all the people that I knew that either serve currently or served in the past. I thought about my soliders from my birthright trip who I have had the opportunity to grow so close to. I was able to go out with my friends and drink and celebrate while also supporting the friends that chose to run and participate in the campus ceremony version of the ceremony. I perceived this Memorial Day and Independence Day extremely differently than that of America. I felt like I was part of a close knit community. I felt like I was a part of this. I think being Israeli and also while being an active Jewish girl, I am able to feel strongly about events and people here. I know the struggle Israel has had and so I struggle with them, this memorial day was about us too. This memorial and independence day was just a big a part for me as it was for anyone else. I was fortunate enough during those few days to attend a meaningful and sad ceremony on the Tel Aviv Campus with my best friends. Although I wished so badly I could have gone to Jerusalem and seen my favorite singers perform, I was able to watch it Facebook live before going out. My friends and I went to Litzman, the outdoor club right after the fireworks finished. It was amazing to see so many people coming together to celebrate the independence of this incredible country. The next day we submerged ourselves into more partying decked out in blue and white and continuing on the celebration all day and all night. I can only hope to come back next year and do this all over again. I wish I could explain in words how I felt each time the siren went off and how I felt standing for those two minutes watching the whole country come to a stop. It was an overwhelming and surreal feeling. Usually in America, those two days are excuses for people to take off of work and for kids to be out of school but we are such a big country and so many people that we don’t all feel united about the topic. We are just excited to have a day off from school but here, I felt beyond proud to be off from school and submerge myself into the culture here and celebrate the way that it deserved to be celebrated. I know I did the ones proud who I have lost along the way and I cannot wait to come back again.

[gowheretheheartis-blog]

Hailey Majansky Answers:

. Why did you decide to come to Tel Aviv?

I decided to come to Tel Aviv to further discover my Jewish roots and identity. I came on birthright and fell in love with Israel and wanted to come back. I also did not want to study abroad in Europe, I wanted a more relaxed place.

 2. How would you describe your relationship to Tel Aviv?

I would describe my relationship with Tel Aviv to be a special cherished one. I think my relationship with Tel Aviv has been growing since the day I got here. I believe that exploring this city has given me a newfound love for the Tel Aviv culture and myself.

 3. What is your favorite place in Tel Aviv so far and why?

My favorite place in Tel Aviv is the beach. I enjoy watching all of the people around and enjoying the views. It is the most relaxing to listen to the water and eat hummus on the beach. The beach is my favorite because I had grown up as a child going down to the shore every summer and spending the most amount of time there.

 4. What is your least favorite place in Tel Aviv so far and why?

My least favorite place in Tel Aviv is the dorms. I hate living so far away from the city and not being able to be engulfed into the culture. Not to mention the dorms are disgusting and unsanitary and not proper living conditions. It feels like living in a mental facility. They are very old and not updated enough to be living in them.

 5. What is your favorite Israeli coin and why?

My favorite Israeli coin is the 10 shek. I think it’s the most convenient coin that could get you the most for your money. The 10 shek coin can get you a bus ride to take you to explore the city or from your original destination to a new destination. It can also get you a cup of coffee, a baked good, a candy, water and a variety of other things. It looks different from thef rest of the coins so it is easy to spot in my wallet.

  6. What is one song (does not have to be Israeli!) that you keep listening to and why?

One song I keep listening to is You can count on me by Ansel Elgort and Logic. I don’t really have a reason for listening to it. I just really enjoy the lyrics and love running on the treadmill while listening to it.

 8. What do you most hope to learn during this time in Tel Aviv?

I hope to learn what it truly means to explore and be on your own. It is important to be in control of your own priorities and put what you what into action. I hope to learn how to handle certain situation more appropriately and recognize that it is okay to be independent and do things alone.

 9. What advice do you have for others who leave home and/or travel abroad?

My biggest advice for people who leave home and travel abroad is to leave everything you’re dealing with at home and truly start a new chapter. I think its important to take time to you and start fresh and explore what the world really has to offer.

 10. Describe an event that has happened since you arrived in Tel Aviv that you think you will never forget.

I don’t think I will ever forget the first time I stepped foot off of the plane in Tel Aviv. I was flying here by myself and I have flown over seas in the past alone and everything went smoothly so I had assumed this time would go nicely as well. However, I was stuck on the longest customs line and by the time I got out to the baggage claim one of my bags was not there. Someone else had taken my bag because they thought it was theirs and it was a complete miss match. I was hysterically crying and the airport people were yelling at me. Eventually I got a phone call from an Israel number and they had my bag.

  * Bonus: Write your own question!