goy-bullshit-translator

[goy-bullshit-translator]

🎶 If you’re the youngest at your seder clap your hands 👏👏

🎶If you’re the youngest at your seder clap your hands 👏👏

🎶At this point it’s degrading but the ma nishtana’s waiting 🎶

🎶If you’re the youngest at your seder clap your hands 👏👏

[goy-bullshit-translator]

painting round 4 poll 12

Blessing of the new moon by Artur Markowicz, 1933:

propaganda: It has such a soft fuzzy feel to it, just makes me feel very comfortable when i look at it.

Warsaw Old Town Square at night by Józef Pankiewicz, 1892:

propaganda: The colors create such an amazing mood.

[goy-bullshit-translator]

[goy-bullshit-translator]

Look.

Every year yall start reblogging this again. and every year y'all start yelling at me about how oil menorah is more Ingredient purist than candle menorah.

I KNOW!! I AM AWARE!! I'M SORRY! WE COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE OIL FIT IN THE REST OF THE INGREDIENT PURIST ROW SO WE FUCKED AROUND I'M SORRY PLEASE STOP LEAVING COMMENTS ABOUT IT

It’s almost the end of hannukah, so I must leave you with one final gift. Happy Channukah, I hope this image haunts you until Pesach.

[goy-bullshit-translator]

hey this is going to be kind of america-centric in terms of how i'm drawing these categories due to limited space but i'm very curious...

if the way you grew up isn't represented here (e.g., you grew up non-practicing orthodox as is common in the non-american jewish anglosphere, genuinely sorry i didn't have room for that option), please feel free to select whatever feels closest or the nuance option, whichever feels right to you.

if you feel that multiple apply (e.g., your family was reform for a long time but then became orthodox, you grew up in a secular russophone community in israel, etc.), you can choose either whichever you feel is more central to shaping who you are, or the nuance option if you feel that the intersection creates a unique experience that can't be defined by either category.

also, just in case i need to clarify, if you did not grow up with any connection to jewish identity, the right answer is "no organized community, not culturally connected" rather than the nuance option unless there are situations i completely haven't thought of.

if you are not jewish, please do not vote.

[goy-bullshit-translator]

Happy Purim! I'm sending mishloach manos memes through jumblr asks :)

Chag Purim sameach!!!!

[goy-bullshit-translator]

I'm not the anon who asked about Purim but what is the Purim story?

ALRIGHTY *cracks knuckles* I got off mobile and on desktop for this so you know it’s serious.

Purim Story: They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat. 

Keep reading

[goy-bullshit-translator]

Here to toss my hat in the ring for Ocho Kandelikas. Not my favorite because there’s so many good ones, but definitely near the top of my list and criminally slept on

i will absolutely give ocho kandelikas a point for being CRIMINALLY underlooked

it's also like the only ladino hannukah song that broke containment into the ashkie world and it bops

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Honestly I just don't like the maccabeats in general

how DARE YOU

[goy-bullshit-translator]

the ONLY hanuca song ever written is Hanukkah in Santa Monica by Tom Lehrer

that's not true there's also Puppy for Hannukah

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Hi happy hannuka!!! My boyfriend is jewish and I am a goy, and I LOVE latkes (the cute part is that I'm southern so I fry his latkes for him because he is afraid of hot oil) anyway I'm here to beg hat in hand for any onion free latke recipes anybody may have as I have an unfortunate garlic and onion allergy preferably also gluten free as the bf is celiac!! Anyway thank you thank you I love this blog very much 💖

I cannot help you but I am sure someone here can

[goy-bullshit-translator]

Hi! I’m not Jewish, but the only Hanukkah songs I know are the dreidel song and the Adam Sandler song, and really only one of those is appropriate for preschoolers. Do you have any suggestions for songs I can play in my class so I can include everyone? Thanks!

Hannukah songs that are explicitly aimed at the preschool demographic:

Dreidel Song

Sevivon (this one is great because you can ask them to show you their best dreidel spin spin spin and make them all dizzy and exhausted)

Hannukah O Hannukah

In My Window (be cautious with this one or else your most annoying toddler will insist on singing every single verse every single night) (it was me I was the most annoying toddler)

Hannukah songs that are preschool appropriate when you as an adult need something that has more than three notes so you don't lose your mind:

Puppy for Hannukah

Any parody by The Maccabeats or six13

Pretty much every classic hebrew song

Maoz Tzur

Mi Yimallel

Al Hanissim

Hanerot Hallalu

The hebrew ones are all pretty explicitly religious songs, so if blatant "G-d saved the Jews" themes aren't something you wanna introduce into a secular preschool I'd skip them.

Hope this helps! Report back with your song opinions.

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I'm a trans guy but I'm making latkes so my gender is now Jewish mother. I'm getting my non-Jewish housemates to eat them (be proud of me I've never made latkes before)

I'm so proud of you.

Oh I have a relevant tweet for this

[goy-bullshit-translator]

My favorite Hanukkah song is 8 Days of Hanukkah by Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings. There's a SAXOPHONE!!

My favorite funny Hanukkah song/skit is Can I Interest You in Hanukkah by Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert. Watching Jon Stewart pull a latke out of his coat pocket makes me die laughing every time.

Can I interest you in Hannukah is actually a complete funny bop

SAXAPHONE SUPREMACY

[goy-bullshit-translator]

everybody judge my latke recipe wtf is this

[goy-bullshit-translator]

a chanuka song should sound like a call to war against the seleucids

A CHANNUKAH SONG SHOULD SOUND LIKE A CALL TO WAR AGAINST THE SELEUCIDS!!! WE ARE ALL FORGETTING OUR ROOTS

[goy-bullshit-translator]

Here's my real take. We are so desperate to assimilate into the general Christian vibes of this time of year that we churn out repetitive horrible pop music that aims to emulate Christmas carols and never will because modern pop hannukah songs do not play the same role in Hannukah culture as modern Christmas songs do in Christmas culture. Assimilation is killing our hannukah songs. We should have Channukah songs!! They just shouldn't sound like knockoff Jingle Bells