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December 31st 2024 best hockey tweet of the day

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NHL Hockey Fan's Guide for Beginners:

Happy (second) start of the NHL season! For new fans, here's a few handy-dandy tips to get you off on the right foot.

If Gary Bettman or Bill Daly are ever shown on camera or mentioned, you must boo. It's the only righteous thing left to us.

There will be player narratives; some will turn you into a feral animal gnashing at the bars of your cage and others will be repeated like a Groundhog Loop you can't escape from no matter how hard you try. Either way, stay hydrated.

No one knows what Goalie Inference is. Yes, that includes the refs.

Even if you aren't a fan of the Sens or Panthers, you should probably try to watch the Tkachuk Bowls; some of the year's most batshit behavior will probably happen during it and you won't want to miss out.

Yes, those two guys with the same last name are probably brothers. There's a lot of brothers in this league. No, Sebastian Aho and Sebastian Aho are not the same person. Yes, Jack St. Ivany and Luke Evangelista are real people, not hockey romance novel protagonists.

Almost everyone has a hard on for Sidney Crosby and/or Connor McDavid. Yes, they're amazing players, but it's okay to want to put your head through a wall at some point if you aren't an Oilers and/or Pens fan b/c you just don't fucking care. Stay strong and remember that someone probably feels the same way about your blorbo.

At some point, a coach (John Tortorella) will probably say something completely unhinged. That coach's (John Tortorella) remarks will then be blasted all over every NHL program in the land. The coach (John Tortorella) will almost certainly not explain himself after. Don't try to make sense of it, just move on. sorry philly fans

On a serious note: remember that there is no such thing as moral high ground in hockey. Your team has and will continue to do shady shit and be shaky on a moral level. It is universal and it's ugly, but there it is. Adjacent to this; there are a list of players in the league that most of us just...pretend don't exist except when we talk about the broader issues in the game. I won't list them here, but you can ask most any hockey blog to find out.

Yes, Quinn Hughes always looks like that.

Yes, Brad Marchand is just always That Guy.

On the HMI (Hockey Misery Index), Vegas is at Least Concern (has never known The Suffering) and Buffalo is Critically Endangered (has never known anything but The Suffering). Your team will fall somewhere in-between these two extremes.

It may feel like the refs are biased toward certain teams, but remember: they're just bad at their jobs and it isn't personal.

Avoid hockey twitter; by all accounts it's a cesspool of terrible opinions and rage.

And lastly, it's important to pick at least one (1) player to be completely insane about. Don't try to rationalize it, don't worry about other's opinions on them, just pick them out of the Player Claw Machine and go wild.

Thank You for coming to my Ted Talk Guide for Beginners. Stay safe and try to remember that it's only a game and it's not that deep. and if you figure out how to do that, please tell me i'm tired

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defencemen are so hot bc they willingly gave up the chance to be cool and score goals to get in people's way and destroy their bodies by slamming into other sweaty men

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April 3rd 2024 best hockey tweet of the day

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quinn smiling after completely obliterating a Sabres player and the arena chanting "Hughes your daddy" 😭😭

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Oh I have died, dead, gone, deceased, ceased to breathe…Who allowed this man to look this fine?!

And the hair is on some Prince Charming-esque level. 10/10.

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i am normal and i can be trusted around exposed neck flesh

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the hughes pout

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quinn really SCOFFED at the fight and skated by he’s my hero

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i am unwell

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the funniest thing to me about this whole “bedard is the next crosby, he’s the next generation’s sid” media push they’re really laying on thick is that i cannot stop thinking: connor mcdavid is literally still out there. he’s being middle child syndromed right before our eyes. wayne gretzky is out there right now looking at a picture in his wallet and connor mcdavid is phasing out of the picture like marty mcfly in back to the future

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I love it when I read an article about some hockey player's accomplishments in the sport and in order to really drive home the point of how impressive this is the journalist immediately goes "only Sidney Crosby has more [whatever]" like yes please tell me how This Thing compares to The Thing Itself

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can editing memes to relate to hockey be my niche plzzzzz

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i just know quinn was getting cooked in the group chat

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bartender mitch at the barrie wedding weekend

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12 year old Chucky, 2010

The family of St. Louis Blues Keith Tkachuk (L to R) Braeden, 10, Matthew, 12, Taryn, 7, and wife Chantal, listen during a press conference honoring Keith Tkachuk for his years of service to hockey, at the Scottrade Center in St. Louis on April 13, 2010.