graves-and-ghosts

[graves-and-ghosts]

why is this about to make me sob

[graves-and-ghosts]

it's my birthday!! :D

[graves-and-ghosts]

i'm sort of between graves right now

[graves-and-ghosts]

Lately I've been seeing stars.

[graves-and-ghosts]

god said let’s make a girl who will be heart achingly lonely in her bones and always feel like a stranger in this world who doesn’t belong in any room she’s in and always has one foot out the door

[graves-and-ghosts]

did you know public libraries are free and beautiful

[graves-and-ghosts]

one must imagine sisyphus taking his meds daily

[graves-and-ghosts]

not normal, actually. turns out something very wrong happened :/

died and came back normal. died and came back and nothing changed. no bruises, no scars, barely any memories of the end. back at full health (at least physically). died and came back and still have to go to work tomorrow. died and it didn't even matter

[graves-and-ghosts]

oh and that gap in my resume is when i was digging my own grave

[graves-and-ghosts]

i’m so averse to letting people know me to the point that i’m sure if i was replaced by a doppelgänger, they would have no trouble fitting in as me. since there wasn’t much there in the first place

[graves-and-ghosts]

characters apologizing for things they have no control over. mumbling sorry while losing consciousness. feeling ashamed of a bleeding wound. embarrassed when an infection sets in. deep seated feverish guilt when they need to be carried, when their legs won't keep them upright anymore and they lean heavy on a friend, slurring apologies..........

[graves-and-ghosts]

[forgetting I am mentally ill] why do I feel so Bad

[graves-and-ghosts]

[graves-and-ghosts]

everyone got that one homie who hasn't been whole since the incident

[graves-and-ghosts]

when a star burns out, the light still shines long after it’s gone

[graves-and-ghosts]

God I love the genre of character who is so coated in loss and grief that it's permanently changed who they are as a person, and what lense they view the world with, when all they can do is see those they lost in every aspect of life, and you get fleeting scenes and impressions that they used to be different, happier, almost unrecognizable to the current narrative, and so many of the traits they wear now are shadows of those they lost. and they've adapted into their new normal, and their living, but it's still so palpable

[graves-and-ghosts]

love when stories inflict unspeakable horrors onto a person for no real reason. its not karma. its not payback. its not a lesson. its not your fault. no ones even out to get you in particular. youre not the chosen one or special or anything. it just sorta happened and you were there. sorry man