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green-there · 9 months

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Old diary (pt 1)

It's not so much the times together I am remembering, but moments during those times we were together that make me shut down. Shutting down has a negative connotation, but when used at the right time and bringing up these moments in my mind by my own choice instead of by surprise, I can prepare myself for the regret often felt afterwords, and just appreciate those moments that are recorded almost in slow motion or freezeframed in my memory.

It's strange how dreams seem so extensive but only last a matter of seconds, but reality only is lived in brief moments of bliss that your mind stretches out for such a long time. Feeling regret over what could have happened is ridiculous, because I am who I am and feel what I feel because of these experiences in my life, and even the worst of experiences are there to be built on positively.

Back to the feeling of shutting down. It's kind of like how I have heard people talking about taking hallucinogenic drugs. How you feel previously affects the result of the trip. If I feel strength in being alone and happiness in solitude, remembering these moments is like tasting every detail of the first bite of a meal after a long hungry day. But when I don't have time to prepare myself for these memories of you and I'm feeling dependent on others for love- I force myself to do simple tasks and often can't do that.

This is one reason it wouldn't be smart for us to be together. I need to be able to feel ok without thinking about going out of my way to make sure I will be ok. Love is a vacant word. We have said we love each other, and it doesn't mean much. You can love your dog, how the sun feels, even just the shape of a design. I told you I adore you and its true. When we were talking about our insecurities, you said your body and I said my intentions. I don't know what I am intending on by adoring you. It would be so ridiculous to cause drama among so many and risk not seeing you again just by loving you how I wish I could. But it's so hard when I wake up every morning feeling incomplete, just wanting to play with your hair and tell you about my dreams. You look so beautiful when you sleep (when we end up spending the night camping or drinking together) it's hard not to notice.

I can't say for sure how I feel when my emotions are all over the place thinking of you. I have a feeling of being drawn to you by this comfort I have felt in your presence, but depending on my emotions at the time I might express it wrong- I fear my intentions. They are unclear to me, and I just want the best for you. Right now, you find love in the ways you need by being with another person.

I have been trying to overcome the feelings of being inadequate to provide what you need in love- and the want of you to devote yourself the way you do to them to me. But that is so selfish of me to assume affection in return. That isn't unclouded love. But being with you makes every little thing seem so much better. I can't promise I will feel this way always, but I can promise that I am physically feeling the positive effects of my will to do more in life when I am with you. You've comforted me with your affection for so long, and that is all I can ask.

I can work on myself as a person and develop by doing things that I love, and be there for you when you need support. Just feeling the warmth of your presence- or your hands when you rub my back or grab my waist playfully, the sound of your voice when we are talking or joking or even in drunken rants- your voice is so peaceful in some unidentifiable sound. Your smell too- even when you are all sweaty you smell good to me. How you look at me on occasion when I'm driving or watching a movie- when you don't know that I see you looking at me! How you looked at me when we got to the top of the world, and especially how you glanced back at me when we were talking, and you had somewhere else you had to go. Out of everyone I know I like your body the best (I know how you move so well) I miss feeling your hands, and when I poke you out of nowhere it's because I want to be close to you.

It feels so crazy to me that you have never been able to see how beautiful your eyes are. It reminds me of a quote that I only partially remember that says "How can you describe the flavor of a lemon to someone who has never tasted anything sour?" You are color blind especially to reds and greens, and your eyes are brown but have green coming in from the outside of your iris and a deep orange kind of brown from the center. It's just my hopeless adoration of you. How could you possibly understand how wonderful you are from my eyes?

The love letters I've wanted to write you for years I have cited as tips for friends when they can't think of anything to say to the guy they like. The dates I have pictured us taking I have recommended to others, and even set up for you and the one you love. The one thing I can't give to you and those I care about is my emotions. All I can do is recognize them and endure. It's not all bad, but when I'm not anticipating being hit with all these repressed feelings. But I don't know my intentions, and don't want to tell you how I feel only to learn it's coming from a selfish need for adoration rather than honest connection. I need to feel ok with myself, and we can have great experiences together as friends, and I will be supportive as long as you are ok with that. I can only hope we remain close, and one day when we are strong enough and on our own, we can learn to have emotions that aren't just in our heads.

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green-there · 5 years

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Perspective of immigration

I asked a guy who moved from India to San Francisco as a teenager what language he dreams in. He said it was all based in the context of who was in the dream. Hindi with his parents, Punjabi with his grandparents, english with his friends. He said he had attended a private school in India, and that they had taught him British english, which had certain names for things that we didn’t use here. He said people were surprised when he says he comes from India, because he doesn’t have an accent, but thats because at school they only spoke english, and that there was a period of adjustment of speaking a different language at home than at school. I asked about the cast system, and he said that in the city he is from, the only ones who care to uphold it is the upper class, but for the most part isn’t too intense. But if you drive an hour out of the city it still is going on.

A girl sitting next to us on the couch told us that she was raised by her grandparents who only spoke Spanish, and when she started living with her parents and attending school, she was held back because she didn’t know english. She was told Spanish was wrong every day, and sent to speech therapy during her time in school. She is embarrassed when any Spanish mannerisms come about, and doesn’t know how to speak it at all, but understands it. She says her whole family is too afraid to go to Mexico, and that the situation is particularly unsafe in her grandparents homeland. Gangs from the north and from the south kill on sight, and the government basically plays no role because of how out of control it has become.

A girl I work with comes from Vietnam, and doesn’t feel very confident with her english. She said that how they taught it in school was one side of the book was Vietnamese, one side was english. So she knows how to read and write very well, which helps a lot in school. She moved to the US 4 years ago with her family who lives in (Kentucky or somewhere over there). She moved to the city with her younger sister for better opportunity and schools. She said she didn’t understand spoken english when she first arrived. Her school in Vietnam she said didn’t have any music classes- that those were all private lessons, and so now she’s learning ukelele off youtube. I asked her if grocery stores look much different (because Vietnam is a communist country) and she said they seemed normal. She wasn’t sure how money was distributed under communist reign, or if someone had something to sell how that would work. But I don’t know much about my countries dynamics either, so who am I to say. She told me that buddhists are primarily vegan, and that their figurehead was a prince who gave up a lot of his life to become enlightened. And they don’t have marriage which surprised me!

A friend of mine told me that where she grew up in Hungary that there are certain tests that you take in school (elementary to middle, middle to high school, high school to collage) that depending on how well you do, you will get to go to better or schools or not. (Collage is free at least) She wanted to be a dentist, but on one of these tests didn’t fit the bill. She said it is very beautiful there and that the weather is amazing all year. The primary religion is Muslim, but they are relaxed which means she doesn’t have to cover her hair, her dad has a beer now and then, and her relationship with her god is personal. She fell in love with an Egyptian while attending school down south. This is tricky because english is both their second language, and they are both still getting the hang of it. He moved here for work, and she is nervous that they will never be able to own a house, (and the city feels isolating which I very much understand). She had to go to a couple doctors, and later get an ambulance, and she had no idea how expensive it would be (she is ok). But she cant vote for something like 7 years, so it is sad to talk about the hospitalization industry with someone who has no ability to say anything about it. She said in her husbands tradition that (if they decide to have a child) that the baby takes his father and grandfather’s names (which would make naming a baby girl especially difficult).

An Argentinian friend I met was so proud of his vibrant culture and to return home to it, he was showing us his homeland on youtube. They had a tradition of having a large chosen group of people all dress in costumes resembling demonic rainbow creatures (wings and all) all climb this rocky hillside in town drunk out of their minds. at the other side of the mountain there is all the other people from town (all ages) playing instruments, dancing, drinking etc. everything decorated. Then all the people dressed as demons run over the top of this rocky hill and decend into the group of townspeople, and they all dance together. This is one of his favorite holidays. He and I had an extensive conversation of how great ABBA really is and how dynamic they are as a band. Then he gave me tearful recollections of Selena and her tragedy. He loved the oldies and I was all about it. He told me how he would go somewhere with internet and memorize all the abba songs he could, so he could play them back in his head while he worked more clearly.

A friend from Jordan always says how we would love it there so much! They have the lowest place on earth which is so beautiful to see the stars, they have the ancient city of Petra carved into a mountain, their buildings are made to last from stone (Not like these buildings that give you mold poisoning, and ceilings fill with rats and bugs etc), and they have ancient architecture around them just as a normal thing. Going to antique stores with him is funny, because he says that back home its just how most places are. Hand painted fine plates and dish ware, crafted light structures, murals, doorways, even how they paint their walls! He says growing up was a community activity, and there would be open doors to family and friends, live music everywhere you go, people take care of the homeless, farmers go through the streets and sell you fresh food straight from the farms. He says they have a king and queen who everyone loves, and their city is as booming as LA’s is. The men are bald, the women have thick beautiful hair, and they are a relaxed kind of muslim where there is more choice. But, he won’t let his family know he drinks.

A fella I work with described how visiting his family in the Philippines gives a change of perspective. His uncle is head of police and has a nice house, but around him people live in houses made of scrap metal. He said when he visited as a child, he drank tap water at his grandparents little house and had to go to the hospital. So it is very much a 3rd world country. He walked out onto the balcony in the morning to see smoke coming up from everyone’s backyard- where they were burning trash. His aunt said if he moved there he could make money as a model, and he said its a tempting offer haha- but he doesn’t know the language. His grandma has seen full bodied distorted ghosts 2 times in her life living in the Philippines, once just walking in the opposite direction of her on the street. Apparently any kind of drugs (even weed) is punishable by death. He also said there are tons of people just amazing at singing. He has a cousin over there that had a tv show she sang on! His grandpa has an interesting story. So he was fighting in a war and fell in love with this woman who was with one of the captains. The captain got drunk and hit her, he fought back, and he was sent to this place expecting him to die. BUT he sided with the hostile group and helped them so much they gave him something to honor his service when he left to come home. Also, fun fact, Pilipino people have hispanic last names from the Spanish invasion that happened a long time ago, and are primarily hard catholics. He said that he saw people in the street who cut open their backs and whipped themselves as long as they could walk, to then collapse and have someone whip them to near death. BY CHOICE. They are repenting for their sins, and no I did not want to see the video he got.

I had a friend years ago who crossed the border. He had lived in a village where they had to walk an hour out to get to fill a bucket with water. He grew up there and moved to the city where he became an electrician at a young age. This city became very bad very quick, and he heard someone lived in California who could help him live. His family connection found him someone to share a twin bed with while he was working in the city, and he seemed happy- but you never know. Anyways, he said that ghosts and the paranormal were just another thing when he lived in his little village, and you got used to them. “You guys don’t have them here! Its the weirdest thing!”

I was going to go to the pumpkin patch with this guy near halloween, but it didn’t work out. He lived in post-civil war Russia where if you play hide and seek in that big empty factory, you’ll find bodies. He said that his family had to pay the mafia so they would stay out of harms way. The city, you get pulled over, you hand them what cash you have or something might happen. Russia is a big place, and it can’t all be like that, but it’s hard to imagine. He said that they really drink as much as people say they do, and the club scenes have lots of drugs. He said his grandparents had a cottage he loved near a big beautiful pond he could go out on, and a dog that would follow him around without a leash. His father was an artist, and relatively well known. He had a mental breakdown and moved to the US. His mother was an artist too, and he showed me some of her work- and it was so beautiful. Anyways, he was nervous about his dad, and moved here to keep an eye on him while he was in school. That night we were supposed to go to the pumpkin patch his dad had a breakdown.

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green-there · 5 years

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Their music makes me think of watercolor painting

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green-there · 5 years

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In San Francisco 2019

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green-there · 5 years

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I walked the unwalked garden of rose-beds In the public park; at home felt the want Of a single rose present to imagine The garden's remainder in full paint. The stone lion-head set in the wall Let drop its spittle of sluggish green Into the stone basin. I snipped An orange bud, pocketed it. When It had opened its orange in my vase, Retrogressed to blowze, I next chose red; Argued my conscience clear which robbed The park of less red than withering did. Musk satisfied my nose, red my eye, The petals' nap my fingertips: I considered the poetry I rescued From blind air, from complete eclipse. Yet today, a yellow bud in my hand, I stalled at sudden noisy crashes From the laurel thicket. No one approached. A spasm took the rhododendron bushes: Three girls, engrossed, were wrenching full clusters Of cerise and pink from the rhododendron, Mountaining them on spread newspaper. They brassily picked, slowed by no chagrin, And wouldn't pause for my straight look. But gave me pause, my rose a charge, Whether nicety stood confounded by love, Or petty thievery by large.

Sylvia Plath

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green-there · 5 years

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Caffe Pandemic

chaos breaks the silence of a bright lively room, and darkness now descends. A laugh, a cough, a nervous glance- undetected by not us but a strangers eye.

Time to file taxes in a bright lively room, tessellation comprehends. stretch and sigh in obedience- undetected the shine recedes from gleaming light.

How do you stand silence flowers can now consume? darkness hastily defends. A terminal bloom, its last life grants- undetected life falls to fertile soil as a reply

Standing in the crowd of a bright lively room, do colors now pretend? Flowers act like they aren’t plants- undetected stem roots and leaves don’t treat this as plight.

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green-there · 5 years

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heres a moody collection

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green-there · 5 years

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Alex and I made this :)

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green-there · 5 years

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I came into this world either in hope or desperation. Was it hope for the future, or desperation that I would be the answer to something that felt missing? And is there a difference between the two? Is desperation just being passionately hopeful?

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green-there · 5 years

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Portraits: My mom, little cousin, brother, dad, and my man

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green-there · 5 years

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But I would rather be horizontal. I am not a tree with my root in the soil Sucking up minerals and motherly love So that each March I may gleam into leaf, Nor am I the beauty of a garden bed Attracting my share of Ahs and spectacularly painted, Unknowing I must soon unpetal. Compared with me, a tree is immortal And a flower-head not tall, but more startling, And I want the one's longevity and the other's daring. Tonight, in the infinitesimal light of the stars, The trees and the flowers have been strewing their cool odors. I walk among them, but none of them are noticing. Sometimes I think that when I am sleeping I must most perfectly resemble them -- Thoughts gone dim. It is more natural to me, lying down. Then the sky and I are in open conversation, And I shall be useful when I lie down finally: Then the trees may touch me for once, and the flowers have time for me.

Sylvia Plath- ‘I am Vertical’

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green-there · 5 years

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Concerts 2019-February 2020 : favorite songs and tid bits from shows

Cage the Elephant- Back stabbin’ Betty is my favorite song by them. Telescope was really great to hear live because of the soothing tone of the song and the energy behind it and reminds me of being younger feeling moody. It was my friends birthday, and we drove there in a stacked line of cars to the outdoor cathedral. We had to drive down a surprisingly long dirt road, and walked to the amphitheater. We passed these rainbow bicycles strewn about that were for only google workers to use, and I peed in an open undeveloped field half way to our destination. The closer we got the more packed it got. We made it in through the crowds to a grassy ledge way back behind the seats, but found ourselves a good view. When the music began it was so exciting to watch the dad with his kid on his shoulders, the group of hispanic guys singing along, and this tinder date gone wrong unfolding before us. So two couples came to watch next to eachother, and couple A’s frat boy ended up grinding on couple B’s female (EVEN DURING SLOW SONGS)... nothing like a sad slow grind I guess? My friends mom showed up with her personal favorite type of alcohol that she knows my friend can’t stand and drank it for her. The people in front of us started smoking weed, and we ended up moving to a spot where we could watch a close up screen of what the singers actually looked like. Beck seemed desperate when he came on stage mentioning more times than needed that he opened for greenday, and wouldn’t let the poor cage the elephant’s main singer get a break so he wouldn’t feel lonely on stage. He was dressed to the 10s, and had a big crazy finale. Next time I listened to cage the elephant, it was my friend playing cigarette daydream driving to a thai food date with my lovely friend and it was reminiscent of simpler times and very peaceful.

The Growlers- They have not made a bad album. I love how the singer moves with his music, and I just couldn’t stop smiling at their show in Seattle! I can’t choose just one song I like the best because they all feel so nice to listen to. The guy from the Strokes produced some of their new music, and I was worried at first that it might shift away from their raw sound, but I can’t complain. Its great. It makes me so happy whenever I listen to them even when when the songs have dark themes, there is something really reassuring about his voice. The flight to Seattle was so funny, I watched yes man completely silent with subtitles with my best friend. The first day in the city we walked around with our suitcases feeling especially ‘standing out like a sore thumb’ which made us feel somewhere between embarrassed and fabulous. Our Canadian friends had a cousin we got to stay with and drove us to the show after a city tour, and called in an old favor with the venue people to let in our Canadian buddies. (She’s so cool she showed us this multi floor brick artist loft overlooking the ocean with a band that never stops playing, burning man kind of creative energy) Long story short at the concert, I went to get us all drinks, couldn’t bring them to the floor (drinking age in Canada is different than US and we didn’t think ahead) so I had to drink all the drinks I bought for us. Very tipsy I danced held and had an emotional connection with the flamboyant fella next to me, along with anyone willing. I was in a floor length sparkly black sheer dress- so I was feeling hot haha. The venue was like a formal old style maybe dance hall and had chandeliers. Im pretty sure the walls were painted red, but I cant be sure.

The Oh Sees- They were sold out in San Francisco, which is why we went to Seattle! My friend is a psych rock connoisseur, and says that she has been listening to them 2 years going and is still in love. Their mosh pit was fantastic, and my ears were ringing for the next couple of days. Very experimental, and the songs all have a wonderful way of combining which I really appreciate. The Daily heavy is a very exciting song, The duck intro never fails to disappoint. I dressed in ripped jeans, combat boots (thank god), and a jean jacket. We spent touring with my friend bf in the city and the gardens, ending up on this very hip part of town. The grunge phase was never just a phase for Seattle, but a life style. The poles on the street were like an arm width thick with posters tacked one on the next. My friend almost got hit by the door by thee Oh Sees lead singer she has been geeking out on and was flattered. I was trying to find her a suitable hook up, but we wern’t so lucky. The venue was dark and moody with hip band posters on the walls upstairs. We got some drinks and talked about how nice it was to not have to worry about how to hold our arms or think about our hands, because we had drinks. The first band I really didn’t like. The Oh sees had suuuch nice crowd energy. We went up to the non gendered bathrooms at one point, but my friends favorite song came on right she was about to go in and she just said fuck it and we ran back downstairs. I moshed and it felt so so nice, and I stepped out so I could keep an eye on my friend when she went in. I didn’t want her to get overwhelmed or hurt without someone to get her out. She did really good at just going with it. The outro to the concert was bizarre and lengthy, and a good way to finish her off.

The Mystic Braves- This was my first show I saw at the Chapel in San Francisco, and it was so wonderful! Amazing grapefruit tequila something I tried, everyone was really laid back, and I just had this feeling of being really happy I got to be here at this place and time. And the disco ball looks so cool watching how the lights carry across the bright red interior super steep ceiling. There were candles along the side walls, and I felt like it was really fitting for a repurposed church. My favorite song by them is can’t grow peaches and cloud nine! The lead singer wore really tight pants. My friend said she recognized different musicians there. I was admiring so many different beautiful people that were collected around that stood out in a way that next to each other they seemed to fit (if that makes sense). I went up to the upstairs bar and pretended like some wealthy moody city person like a sultry vampire-y version of sex and the city. Downstairs after the show we went to a bar filled with distorted clocks and ate frys, talking about how nice it would be to talk to people and know what to say.

Astroid No. 4- They played the same night as The Mystic braves, and we got there late, so we just caught the tail end. They are note worthy though, they have a good sound.

Andre Moya- Claro Esta En Mi Corazon makes me get that feeling like eating really good chocolate does- if that makes any sense. Summer’s Daughter is so dreamy, his sound is gorgeous! It was a couple days before Halloween, and it was supposed to be a costume party kind of thing, so it said. My friend and I went dressed as clowns and we are stand off-ish typically even when we don’t want to be. We parked and some dude made fun of us before we even got out, and it was so hard to go in but we drove all the way out to santa cruz to see him in a wind storm. Anyways it was like 7 of his friends hanging out drinking beer when we went up, none in costumes. He didn’t get to play much because some miscommunication with the Catalyst where he was playing, but he was so sweet! They threw together costumes when we came, and he introduced us to his friends and gave us beers, and we did our best to talk. Such a beautiful legs and long hair, not to mention a very dynamic painter! I got asked on the street by a kind guy if I wanted to go get dinner with him and I politely declined. Our clown duo me and my pal went to Pluto’s cafe who are opened until 3am and ate vegan nachos, and I was convincing myself that I could feel drunk off a beer. The drive back wasn’t as scary and windy thank god.

The Dead Ghosts- They got one of their songs on a Canadian sitcom show called Letterkenny! They played at the Chapel, and the singer was so funny he dedicated one of his last songs to this couple who were choking on eachothers tongues the entire time. Its funny that he made a point of that because me and my boyfriend were going to makeout for a sec to see if we could not be anxious sober doing that, but I wussed out. He talked with us for a while after the show which was really cool. I really like ‘When it comes to you’ by them. It felt so nice just him like sitting on the stage chatting with my friend and boyfriend about the funny things he’s come across, his travels, what his music reminds us of and the such.

Torrey- They were so sweet! My boyfriend described them as great sunset music and got all excited when they had a couple of free CDs, but didn’t get to them in time. He talked to the main girl and she mailed one to Costa Mesa for him! Scruffy is my favorite song by them, I agree they are great sunset drive music. She was so cute!

The Shivas- So they started the band back when they were teenagers in Oregon, and the Catalyst was their first venue that opened their doors to get them on their first little tour! They were very thankful and gave them a big thanks during the show in Santa Cruz. You make me wanna die is their biggest song, and I’ve loved it for so long, its the best feeling to put a face to a voice! And they have such a cute look! The guy in control of the lighting had a few projectors pointing at the band and had a different colorful puddles of dyed oils, water and bubbles that he would distort with the music, which was really exciting to watch. Turn me on is a great song, and I bought a pin for a dollar with the cover art on it.

King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard- Driving in the city my best friend does very very good at and Im proud of her for it. We parked in this absolutely massive parking garage that felt like an extended dream walking through the huge in ground spiral upwards searching for a door. We made it up, but I freaked my friend out a bit getting into the surreal feeling of the place. The street was filled with cool people, and we often talk about how we wished we could smoke. But my friend and I had the same problem with track, which is we are both just bad at breathing. Huge dream like open space building in a tight line spiraling upstairs to this overly formal but massive room with huge arches and a tall tall ceiling. Big huge fans in those windows to get this massive body of humans some air. People smoked weed around us in the crowd, so we were in and out so my friend wouldn’t have to worry about breathing. Their concert was something brand new. It was like the first time being in the snow or something- just insane. This show was their first release of Infest the rats nest. They have a huge group of guys, including 2 drummers that play in sync, and OH MAN. The energy in that room and how we all fed off the transitions in the music and how you can see physically how people in the audience change with the music. Plus their music brings up things that genuinely frighten me like climate change. I just recommend the whole album of infest the rats nest. And fishing for fishies is a song that sounds child like and a completely different tone which I was listening to before I went in and was completely caught off gaurd.

Stonefield- They are the second band I’ve bought a shirt from (Wooing was the first band). Its really cool. They remind me of classic rock music when people started getting all experimental. The whole band is female and they all came out wearing matching corduroy pants and jackets, each in a different color, and all have really long hair. I really like People by them and Delusion is great too. They are so hot ah man what a power move to wear all corduroy matching suits and play so hardy ooh man.

Twin Peaks- The crowd surprised me! Lots of people who obviously went to Berkley which was a bit intimidating honestly. They have a lot of nice songs, Making Breakfast and Shake your Lonely are good for a morning perhaps where you are making breakfast. I can see it walking somewhere laid back. Mid-day only if its summer and you are by a body of water.

Post Animal- Their first album is great, then they got a bit more of a pop sound. Buried gold in that first album! What the heck they make an album like that and then got popular for their pop?? That first album shows that they are great at what they do, and hopefully it will get dug up and popular and they will come home to psych rock papa. Tame Impala got big for it, so if they are worried about being less liked for more of a psychedelic sound then piggy back on tame impalas newer fan base. Not ideal but PLEASE such posibility lost when they rolled over and went pop.

The Drums- “I want to buy you something, but I don’t have any moneyyy, I don’t have any moneeeey!” There is a real hit home chorus if Ive ever heard one. Very much a surfer feeling, and Im for it. Dark themed beachy pop (for their older stuff), great control over his voice, and he dances when he sings which I love. Their new stuff has some tech-y sounds in it. They played in the Catalyst too, but the big room for them because they are more known.

COWGIRL CLUE- Walked blind into that one. Had no previous knowledge of music like hers before being there. We were so worried that her microphone wasn’t picking up her voice, and thats why we couldn’t make out her words. She’s dating a guy from the garden so I heard. CHERRY JUBILEE is honestly a banger and it took time to realize it haha

The Black Lips- The girl in the band is so hot I love her look so much! They played in San Jose on this street with nice art galleries on and around it. O Katrina and Crystal Night are my favorite songs by them. They have an interesting mix of band members, they all have their own distinct style which is unusual, but it was nice. And the audience was the same kind of assortment of the outliers which makes me comfortable. The bar had a kind of rugged presence that was the first of its kind for me.

Ohmme- I cried hearing them sing. Such insane knowledge of how to use their voices, listening to them in person it makes sense when people talk about voices as instruments. They know what they are doing and they just work so well together. I have this feeling that there is possibly an Irish folk influence? Im not sure if Im reading that in. But that, some great guitar shindigs that they play, there is an element of surprise as their songs transition in intensity. Give me back my man and Fingerprints are so satisfying. Wheel is their newest (and real good). AND THEN SHE WHIPPED OUT THAT VIOLIN Oh man so talented. Plus they brought up points for being pro choice, access to period material, strong feminist power here ahh

Wand- The singers voice is so distinctively peaceful and entrancing, the music is psychedelic and makes your mind wander with it like a dream. They remind me of Radiohead but my friend said those are figting words (haha).They played at a venue attached to a bar made for old guys to hang out in, and you could tell by the crowd. Anyways. Im convinced their bass player was checking me out and I was very flattered. He had a beautiful hairline which is something I didn’t know could be beautiful- but it really works nicely with his face structure. The singer uses a violin bow to play electric guitar with which is a very new concept to me! My favorite part about them is the transitions of intensity throughout their songs, there is something almost orchestral about it that just makes me tear up thinking about. The lighting was absolutely beautiful! You remember the Shivas concert I talked about with the lighting being experimental pools of colored translucent liquids and oils on projectors all moving with the music? Well this was that but evolved. Pricy looking projectors and high saturation colors. The motions of this music just carry you through so many feelings and just being a part of the color and music just melts ya. Bee Karma, 6661,Wonder, Keep you up Aghhhh so good! so so so good.

Bridget Dawson- She was so cute! A band of misfits! She makes music with the Oh Sees now and then, and I liked how they had saxophone in all their songs. They played at the chapel, and we got our favorite grapefruit- tequila drinks. Its called Paloma I think. This guy who plays spanish classical guitar live stream on his instagram now and then and dresses all 70s (He sang both my friend and I into songs on his instagram live feed and made us geek out kinda hard) was talking to Andre Moya and we were giving them some space to talk to the bar tenders before we went over because we think they are cool and we were kind of embarrassed for being legitimate clowns in front of Angelic Andre. Any who, Bridget Dawson has a beautiful voice and you can really tell she loves making music. When the band was playing I was just imagining how I could run into them just like grocery shopping or at the library or somewhere unexpected because we are all little people with our own lives and minds and how you never know who’s in that creative stream of consciousness until you dig around a bit and really listen to how they perceive and interpret the world.

Mr. Elevator- You can tell by the singers voice that he kind. Dreamer is my favorite song by them! Nico and her psychedelic subconscious not only is a great name for a song, but was really fun to see people really get into dancing to that song. I really appreciate the people who want to dance and just do because they feel like it and don’t need any other thought than that to move. Getting to this frame of mind would feel so freeing, and Im taking my baby steps to allowing myself access to my voice and body. The crowd’s energy was just at a place I really want to be. They play a lot of electric keyboard and organ (organ? Oregon?) The singer had such an embracing energy about him I wish we could be friends :)

Kamikaze Palm tree- The keyboardist that played with Wand reappeared in The Catalyst’s mid sized room for the first set (and my personal favorite of the 3 bands that night). Here we had first band member: very focused beautiful drummer/singer with a white mullet- very etherial, second band member: an individual who had eyes like death that would find a victim to stare into in between bouts of expressive movement while they played guitar (lipstick, cute little hearts on the cheeks, curly hair, preferred gender unknown), and third: our sweet keyboardist that played with Wand earlier. The guitarist was all over the place, the other two were the picture frame. The keyboardist was obviously entertained by the guitarist, and the drummer/singer was back and forth between guitar in front, drumming in back, singing wherever she was at the time. Their music has as much energy and movement as their action of performance. My favorite part was when the guitarist stared into my soul with dark eyes. Looking into someones eyes is one of the most intimate actions you can have with another person, and they gave me a dead stare I was so flattered and enjoyed observing their stone-like expression. And their music feels like they get the same ups and downs going between the energies of peace and chaos. It was like an inner dialogue behind their music, and I couldn’t help but cry smiling like a weirdo. There weren’t many people at the venue yet, so it was a little practice of letting myself feel(and I don’t think I was too obvious thankfully).

Froth- They played after Kamikaze Palm tree. These guys had an interesting social dynamic. The drummer seemed to be micro managing the volumes of their output, and had an extensive dialogue with the guys in charge of sound. But maybe the last band put it on odd levels or something (which I wouldn’t doubt.) The singer seemed really tense about the situation, and the guitarist was just obviously tired of dealing with the drummer. They wanted to be under red light the whole set. The singer seemed like he would be nice, and the crowd got really big out of nowhere. The next band to play was Duster, who apparently hadn’t played in something like 18 years. But what a place to be put in! Right after the dynamic Kamikaze Palm tree just had, and before someone that was a dear loved long lost loved band of a large mass of people!

Duster- Upon reading their Spotify description it seems that they started up at the end of one categorization, and before the beginning of the next, so they were popularized in their later years because they were genre lost and recaptured. But wow I could feel their space influence at their show, definitely music to travel and/or cry to. I loved their transitions, their following was so happy to see them you could just feel it! Its contained and deep in a way where I cant quite place. Their songs have a range. Some are looking up into the stars, feeling your body shift into them as you realize how you are a part of each other (a song like topical solution), or being outside as a storm approaches and overtakes you so you get to the point of feeling the warmth in your blood moving separate from the coldness of your skin, and the process of getting where you need to be to be (Echo, Bravo).

#music

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